Episode 105: Bernie, Beto and Bob
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Transcript
>> Time Crisis back once again.
On this episode, we dig deep on the relationship between the Trump family and Jam Bands.
We also talk about Morrissey and his unusual merchandise.
All that plus Beto, Bernie, and the top hits of 1972.
This is a very special-
>> Time Crisis with Ed's Rump King.
>> Peaceful World.
>> Time Crisis back once again.
>> Well, Jake, we find ourselves once again in the true time crisis.
We banked an app because we both had to leave town.
We both had to split.
And then we came back again later to bank another app.
But in the time that passed between the first banked app and this banked app that we're here to record,
some things changed in the world.
So we're just going to give a heads up to the listeners.
In this episode, we talk a lot about the Beto O'Rourke campaign.
>> This is very sensitive.
>> This is very sensitive.
In this episode, we talked about the Beto O'Rourke campaign and some of the e-mails they were sending out.
Since the time that we recorded it, Beto has ended his campaign.
And look, as far as I'm concerned, it's a good thing.
>> It's a strong choice.
And I have a feeling that now you've got a little more time to think,
and you'll figure out ways that you can help the eventual nominee.
Or you say you're not going to run for Senate in Texas.
That's cool, but I'm sure you can figure out all sorts of great things to do in Texas.
But anyway, just when our listeners are listening to this episode,
and they hear us start to talk about the Beto campaign,
you've got to understand that at the time, it was a living, breathing campaign.
>> He was polling at 1%.
>> He was polling at 1%, but he was still in there.
>> Yeah, man.
>> And now he's gone.
>> Gone, he's gone.
>> So anyway, that was just a little bit of a heads up.
And, you know, that's what happens with live streaming radio, live streaming banked-up radio.
A true time crisis.
So anyway, shout out to Beto O'Rourke.
Strong choice, dropping out.
I think you're in a way better position now to do some meaningful stuff.
>> Start a band, dude.
>> Yeah, my cousin Benji Sarlin, who works for NBC News, he's a political pundit,
he tweeted, "In all seriousness, Beto should start a band."
But anyway, that's enough Beto talk from this moment.
Now we're going to return to the beginning of the time crisis episode that was supposed to air
in an alternate universe where Beto's campaign had not ended yet.
>> Time Crisis.
>> This is a real time crisis original flavor.
>> Original lineup.
>> Just the core crew.
No fancy guests.
>> No.
>> No even friends of the show.
Just the boys.
>> Starting lineup.
>> For the first time.
Almost in two months.
>> Yeah.
It feels great.
>> Yeah.
Just don't have to do any research about, you don't have to look at anybody's Wikipedia page.
Just fly by the seat of our pants.
Well, what should we talk about?
By this point, I think I'm probably on tour in Europe.
>> Right.
>> Because you're going to Europe too.
>> Yeah.
>> We're almost going to cross over.
>> I'm going for personal reasons.
>> Yeah.
>> Pleasure, not business.
>> Is it a pleasure trip?
>> Yeah, it's pleasure.
>> No business whatsoever?
>> None.
>> When you come back to the U.S., what was the purpose of your trip?
Pleasure, sir.
>> Pure pleasure.
>> Pleasure is such a funny word for that context.
It's not like recreation or vacation.
Pleasure is very sensual.
>> Yeah, it sounds like sex tourism.
Traveling for pleasure is a euphemism for sex tourism.
>> Delectable cuisine.
>> Oh, man, that must be such a weird job being like a customs agent or a homeland security dude on the way back.
Because on the one hand, you got all these stressed out, tired people.
But then you probably also have the occasional person who's just really jazzed on the trip they just took.
>> I'm feeling great, man.
>> I've definitely seen people like chopping it up before.
>> Yeah, that seems like a tough nut to crack, though.
>> Well, I've just seen people be like -- yeah, like get back, be like, "Oh, man.
Oh, yeah, how was it over there?
Yeah, I don't know.
I've seen -- it hasn't happened to me very often.
>> I'm going to try.
>> To chop it up with the agent.
>> Yeah.
>> When also you talk to the people on the other side.
>> Yeah.
>> When you get there.
So you'll be traveling.
When's the last time you were in Europe?
Oh, yeah, it was Italy?
>> Well, yeah, look at me.
>> We talked about this on the show.
>> Globetrotter over here.
I hadn't been to Europe in about like, I don't know, like 15 or 18 years.
And then I went last year to Italy.
>> I feel like we talked about that in that episode.
That was basically your honeymoon.
>> Yep.
>> You were cycling around Italy.
>> Yes, for part of the trip.
And Hannah and I both fell.
>> Crazy.
>> I have a small scar on my knee.
>> Really?
>> Oh, yeah.
>> I guess your matching scars are kind of like matching tattoos that some married couples get.
>> Love that.
>> Always remember.
Yeah, I feel like we talked about that last time that you hadn't -- not only had you not been to Europe,
you hadn't, like, left the country in a really long time.
Had you not left the country in a decade or am I forgetting something?
>> Well --
>> Or you'd been down Mexico way, something like that?
>> No, I haven't been -- oh, no, I went there a few years ago.
You know what it was?
When we started the show back in 2015, I think, yeah.
>> Sounds right.
>> I went to China in 2015, and that was the first time I had been out of the country in about 14 years.
>> And that was for a business trip.
>> That was business.
>> That was painterly business.
>> Exhibition in Beijing.
Sounds very fancy.
>> Sir, what were you doing over there in China?
What were you doing down China way?
>> Painter's business, sir.
>> All right.
Fine art?
>> I was there for painting business, and I'll tell you, brother, business is a-boomin'.
[ Music ]
[ Music ]
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>> So since 2015, I've really been a globetrotter.
I went to Mexico once, Italy, Canada quite a few times this past year.
>> Oh, yeah, Calgary.
>> Spain.
>> So that's pretty hardcore.
For 14 years, you were all American.
You were bleeding red, white, and blue, not leaving our country, and now you're all over the place.
Did the travel bug bite you?
>> Hmm, I'm not sure about that.
I think it's more circumstantial.
Combination of business and my wife's interests.
[ Laughter ]
>> I'm here with the wife.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, it's too bad that we're not going to link up.
Got a couple big shows in London.
>> Right.
>> I actually had a thought recently when I was thinking about set list.
I don't think we should actually do this, but I think the next time to really bust out Mountain Brews,
which currently Vampire Wiggins is done once, Night 2 at Red Rocks, I was thinking, like, okay,
I definitely want to do it a lot when we do our mountain run with Twiddle next year when we're, you know, in Boise and Missoula.
And it's not technically mountain time, but we could throw in Bend, Oregon, because it's part of the same run.
It feels appropriate.
But then I don't know if it would go down well, but I had this thought, like, if we dropped it in one, like, super random place,
and I was just thinking, like, Paris.
>> I would encourage it.
>> I guess I'd have to just really memorize the whole speech in French.
Madame, madame et messieurs.
Time in French is temps.
T-E-M-P-S, temps de montagne, I think.
Ah, my accent is so terrible now.
I studied it for five years.
Montagne, brew, beer is beer, I think.
>> Brew.
Oh, yeah, yeah, brew de montagne.
Yeah, I wouldn't be talking about mountain time.
I learned one sentence in Spanish to drop in Monterrey when we were down there.
Some people helped me out.
Because I thought it was worth noting that the first time VW ever came to Mexico, we played in Monterrey.
So I thought it was, like, cool to let, like, when we were playing in that city again, to let everybody know,
like, the first time we came to this great country, we played in Monterrey.
>> Man, I already forgot it.
But it was, like, la primera vez que -- I already forgot it.
>> The first time --
>> Do you speak -- how's your Spanish?
>> How's your Spanish?
>> Weak.
>> Weak?
>> But I did take it for years.
>> Okay.
La primera -- is it primera?
La primera vez que toqué en México fue Monterrey.
>> The first time we played in Mexico, we went to Monterrey.
>> Yeah.
>> Love it.
>> And then this comedian that I met down there --
>> Toque, dude.
>> La primera vez que toqué en Mexico fue Monterrey.
>> Fue Monterrey, dude.
>> Que toque.
Que toque is a good --
>> Yo tengo hombre.
>> Yeah, I don't know how good my pronunciation is.
I mean, I do love how people from there, they rolled R on Monterrey.
Monterrey.
I'm sure that sounds really awkward when I do it, but I try because I think it sounds cool.
And then I was talking to a bunch of people, including this Mexican comedian named Richie O'Farrell.
We did kind of like an episode of like a YouTube series that he does.
He took me to like a dope old-school churro spot in Mexico City.
But he was also at the festival in Monterrey, and I was like, he's from Mexico City, but I was just asking him generally,
like, is there anything good to say to get the crowd from you?
He's like, well, up here, you could say, "Sacen la carnita asada."
And I was like, what does that mean?
I think it basically means like bring out the meat.
Bring out the carne asada.
>> Bring out the meat.
>> Yeah, sacen.
I don't even know how it's spelled.
Maybe S-A-Q.
Everybody's reached the limit of their Spanish here.
>> Sacar.
I remember the verb, sacar.
I just don't.
>> Sacar means to.
>> Bring, maybe?
>> Maybe it's to bring.
Maybe it just meant, it means bring out the carne asada.
>> Bring out the meat.
>> I think it just means a little bit like let's get this party started.
>> Right.
>> You know?
>> That's a cool expression.
>> But he was very clear about one thing.
He said, don't say this in Mexico City.
This is a Monterrey thing.
Sacen la carnita asada.
And then when I was down in Mexico, people offered some more complicated versions of
what might play in Mexico City.
Something more about like tacos or something.
Oh, and then the other thing everybody told me to say, which I think just means like we
love you guys, which is something I would say in English at a show, so I was happy to
learn it, is los amo, cabrones.
>> Tight, man.
You're like Beto O'Rourke up there, man.
>> Yeah, basically.
Beto O'Rourke of indie.
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>> You know, we haven't talked politics in a long time in this show.
Look, Beto seems like a nice guy.
And we've talked about his emails before on the show, right?
We talked about his kind of infamous short story email that he just sent out that was
just like out of nowhere, just like, the kids are watching Last of the Mohicans.
My coffee's bitter, but it's good.
And just like dropping the names of everybody in his family as if we already know who they
are.
>> And like the dogs.
>> And the boy and an Artemis are running around outside.
>> So I've always been interested in his emails, so I don't mean to beat up on the guy, but
A, I gave money to his campaign for Senate, like a lot of people.
>> Yep.
>> I'm a classic coastal leftist who wanted to send some of my coastal money deep into
the heart of Texas to make Ted Cruz lose.
I think most people could agree, Ted Cruz is not good for America.
Beto seemed like a chill dude.
I was charmed by the fact that he used to be in a band with some of the At The Drive-In
guys.
And so I gave money to it, but there was something about just transferring from supporting somebody's
Senate campaign to the presidential campaign.
It just snuck up on me.
I'm like, I'm used to getting emails from his campaign, then suddenly it's about running
for president.
And I'm just like, yeah, I wasn't consulted on this, man.
>> Bait and switch.
>> I'm not gonna give money to your presidential campaign.
I don't see the point.
But his presidential campaign emails, they've just gotten progressively darker.
>> I love that you still read them.
>> Well, now I have this interest.
>> Yeah.
>> To the Beto campaign's credit, and to a lot of the campaigns, they know how to get
you to click.
In fact, I got one recently.
I can't even remember everybody that I gave money to recently, but there's a guy running
against a Republican in California.
Okay, his name's Amar Kampa Najjar, and he's running to defeat Republican Duncan Hunter,
who was recently indicted for fraud.
So look, I'm sure I read something that I was like, man, we gotta help this dude, Amar
Kampa Najjar, beat Duncan Hunter.
So I gave some money, and then they're always asking for more money, which that's how it
works.
They need it.
I don't knock them.
But the last email I got, and this was effective.
It made me just kick in a little more money.
The last email I got from the Amar Kampa Najjar campaign just said, goodbye, Ezra.
>> Damn.
>> I was like, what's this one about?
And then I thought, is this campaign ending?
Did I do something to offend him?
And then I click on it, and it's just like, Ezra, our race reached a boiling point.
Like, throw down.
Well, it says donation.
>> Midnight deadline tonight.
>> Yeah, but I was just like, goodbye, Ezra.
>> Yeah, that's strong.
>> It's also funny when they use your name and stuff.
So anyway, Beto, this is one that I sent to the thread, because I was like, this one's
just hilarious.
And I think part of my issue, why I'm okay with a little gentle ribbing towards Beto,
not because I think he's a bad guy, but because I don't know why so many people are running.
Look, we could narrow it down to four people, and you'd have basically your bases covered.
And there's something about Beto.
There's a part of me that's a little bit annoyed that he's not using all that goodwill to really
change things in Texas.
This presidential run seems pointless.
So there's a couple emails that I got from him recently, and I'm sure we have some listeners
who probably also have contributed money to Beto.
Maybe they're even Team Beto, but they could still admit these are kind of funny emails
to get.
So one was subject line, "Game-changing news from NBC."
I'm like, all right.
You have my curiosity.
So I click.
What is this game-changing news?
Is it going to say, you know, "Turns out Beto is actually polling higher than Joe Biden."
You know, "Turns out," like blah, blah.
And this is what it said.
"Ezra, we wanted to make sure you saw this."
And then there's a quote from NBC News.
"Only 9% of all Democratic respondents say their minds are definitely made up."
And it goes on to say, "This is game-changing news.
It means the race is absolutely wide open."
And just to break this down for a second, the first thing I thought of was "Dumb and
Dumber," where I believe -- what's the dialogue?
Jim Carrey, he's asking a woman, "What's the chance you would ever, like, go out with me?"
And she says, "I don't know, one in a million."
And he goes, "So you're saying there's a chance."
It's an iconic line of '90s cinema.
I don't know how that movie holds up for our younger listeners, but, you know, that was
a big movie.
It's a great line.
That was kind of like "Joker" for, you know, in the '90s.
But, yeah, so you're saying there's a chance.
Just like, you know, it's a great line because it sums up the epitome of somebody who just
doesn't get it, who looks for the bright side even when there truly is no bright side.
So when I see this, it's not -- the game-changing news was not "Beto has a chance."
It basically was they asked a bunch of Democrats, "Who do you want to vote for?"
And almost everybody said, "Not Beto."
And then the second question was, "But is your mind definitely made up?"
And 91% of people said, "I guess not."
And then Beto's team saw this and goes, "So you're saying there's a chance."
I just love that, too.
Just like we're polling at 1%.
We clearly don't seem to be offering anything that Bernie, Warren, Biden, Kamala, Andrew
Yang, everybody's polling better.
Tom Steyer, you know, every --
Plus, we're on stage in Ohio talking about confiscating guns.
I mean, look, if that fired up the base, it'd be one thing, but I don't think it particularly did.
So I saw this and I was like, "What is going on over there, man?"
And then the next email that the campaign sent out, subject line, "Amy Klobuchar."
Like, that's it.
That's a sick subject line.
Yeah, just somebody else who's running for president.
And then this is the opening.
"Ezra, this morning, Amy Klobuchar locked down her final requirement and officially
qualified for the November Democratic debate."
Amy effing Klobuchar.
And then in bold, "Beto still hasn't qualified."
[laughs]
Oh, man.
You know, it's one thing when people are like, "Yeah, we're trying to hit our SEC,
what is it, our filing deadline, and blah, blah, blah."
It's another thing where somebody -- the vibe of just like, "Amy Klobuchar, are you f***ing kidding me?"
So I found that one kind of, like, sad.
And this is the one that the team sent out today.
This is the subject line.
"Even Tom Steyer."
Oh, my God.
Yeah, it's like, "Even Tom Steyer."
And then, "Beto" -- open it.
"Take a look at this, Ezra.
Kate Silver's FiveThirtyEight website is reporting that nine candidates have officially made the November Democratic debate.
Here is who will be on the debate stage when millions tune in and who has some more work to do."
And then it says, "Joe Biden, Sanders, Warren, Harris, Buttigieg, Tom Steyer, Andrew Yang, Cory Booker, Amy Klobuchar."
And there's a check next to each of their names.
And then it says, "Beto O'Rourke."
Nothing.
Rough stuff.
I just feel like a lot of people have this feeling like, "Beto, like, you're our guy in Texas, man.
Make a difference down there."
Yeah.
And then they keep sending out these emails that are just like, "It's kind of seeming like nobody wants me to be president."
Yeah, is he trying to germ up sympathy?
I guess.
That's just not the way to do -- I mean, that's not the right set of emotions that you look for in a candidate.
Like, "I feel sorry for this guy."
Yeah, I mean, but you're so right.
I'm going to go ahead and give him some money because I just feel bad for the dude.
But that vibe of, "Amy f---ing Klobuchar."
"Even Tom Steyer."
"Even Tom Steyer."
You know what that makes me think of?
Tom Steyer's real deep.
That is so deep.
I can understand him.
Who is like --
That sounds like something you say to your campaign manager when you're throwing a Jimmy John's sandwich against the wall.
Flipping a folding table.
You're at a truck stop in Iowa, just throwing a Jimmy John's down on the ground and going, "Even Tom Steyer?"
I don't know why you bring that out to everyone.
Yeah, it kind of makes me think of that Tom Petty song.
"Even the losers."
"Even Tom Steyer."
"Even Tom Steyer gets lucky sometimes."
Well, it was nearly summer, we sat under a roof
Yeah, we smoked cigarettes and we stared at the moon
And I showed you stars you never could see
Baby, it couldn't have been that easy to forget about me
Spent a time when nothing really seemed real
Yeah, you could kiss like fire when you made me feel
Like every word you said was meant to be
No, it couldn't have been that easy to forget about me
Baby, even the losers get lucky sometimes
Even the losers keep a little bit of pride
They get lucky sometimes
Time Crisis on Beat One
But look, I don't mean to rag on Beto too much.
I mean, I can imagine once you start running for president, a new kind of logic takes over.
And that's what you're doing. You're goal-oriented.
And your goal is to become president and until your campaign officially ends,
you're going to tackle it with zest and whatever it takes.
But one thing I do want to say, just thinking about what's been going on lately,
and you know, we talked a lot about politics in the last election
and then didn't always necessarily feel like people needed their horrifying Trump news from us.
But now that we're back in campaign season,
Jesus Christ.
I do want to say, I like Bernie, man.
I think actually we should go do some campaigning for Bernie.
Get back out there.
TCVW.
We did it last time.
Yeah, man.
Remember in Iowa? We did a whole episode.
Of course.
Are you down to get back out there?
Yeah.
Maybe do a mountain bruise?
Thank you, Jake, and mountain bruise.
In the great state of Vermont, I too have partaken in a few mountain bruises in my day.
What's Vermont called? The Green Mountain State?
It's the Green Mountain State.
Jake, I hope some of those mountain bruises are Green Mountain Bruce.
I'm referring, of course, to both the Green New Deal and the great state of Vermont.
Green Mountain Bruce.
Maybe we got to do a Green Mountain Bruce remix for the Bernie campaign.
Should we have him sing?
Green Mountain Bruce.
Green Mountain Bruce.
Green Mountain Bruce.
Sweet as morning dew.
We got to play a little bit of his This Land is Your Land.
For people who don't remember, during the last campaign, there was an uncovered album from Bernie from the '80s,
which I believe he did for charity or something, where he was reading, essentially talking over reggae.
And one of them was a reggae version of This Land is Your Land.
He was like, "As I went walking these"--what is it? Crooked highways?
It rules.
Yeah, it's cool.
I saw above me that endless skyway.
I saw below me that golden valley.
This land was made for you and me.
And look, I'm not going to go to the mat and say that there's anything wrong with Elizabeth Warren.
She's saying all the right things.
The most appreciable difference between her and Bernie is that Bernie just has a longer record as a public servant saying the exact same thing.
And this is my personal take, is that there's a lot of reasons to be excited about her as well.
I love the fact that they're on the same team.
It's so clear when you watch the debates that they're two people who respect each other and have more in common with each other than some of the sellouts up there.
But, you know, the reason that I support Bernie is just we live in such a nightmare world.
Things need to be shaken up in such a big way, and the Democrats need to come correct with somebody who's just--maybe is a little bit intractable.
Maybe is an ornery old person, and if you had to bet on who's going to be a little bit more hardcore about the agenda, Bernie is a pretty good bet compared to Warren.
It doesn't mean they don't believe the same things, but again, just Bernie has this long record, and that's why it makes sense to call him a once-in-a-generation
politician.
Not because he's saying things that no other politician is saying, just because he's the only politician saying it who has a decades-long career as a politician and
has been saying the same things over and over again.
I like the fact that he's still an independent. I just think, why not?
So many groups of people in this country have just been f*cked over, over and over again by certainly the Republicans and even the occasional smooth-talking Democrat.
So let's get that ornery person in there just to go lay the--why not try it? That's the thing, you know?
Elizabeth Warren has a slightly higher percentage chance of being in the classical Democrat mold than Bernie does. You know what I mean?
Yeah, I feel like we've tried every stripe of right-winger.
Let's try a real lefty.
Yeah, let's give that a shot.
Let's try it, you know? And the fact that people really like him.
And I also kind of feel a little bit like, look, I recognize we're sitting here, we're coastal elites, sitting here at the Apple studio in Southern California.
But when you actually look at the math and stuff and you see that difficult jobs that a lot of people in this country have--teachers, fast food workers, truck drivers,
nurses--
and you look at the rates in which those people in those professions contribute to Bernie versus anybody else, it's like five or six times.
That's amazing.
And so there's a part of me that kind of feels like it's not just about what I want.
That gives me a feeling that I should be supporting the working people in this world.
I haven't had to worry about health insurance in 14 years.
And sometimes I talk to people who are just like, "Oh, Bernie, he says the same things over and over again."
But then you realize health insurance and health-related issues are a literal nightmare for so many of our fellow citizens.
Again, let's just try. Try the guy who's hardcore.
Try the guy who's like, "No, f*** that. Medicare for all. Not budging." Try it.
Because it seems like, actually, despite what some of the media says, it does seem like that's what a lot of people in this country want, is true Medicare for all.
Yeah, it's beyond screwed up that the health insurance industry is so profitable.
One thing that does concern me, if we're just going straight real-deal politics, is this talking point of, if he gets the nomination, the big argument against him is
he's going to be taking away insurance from 150 million people.
And even though the current status quo sucks, that's going to be such an insane change.
Or, if you're casting it negatively, a disruption.
That I worry that even though it's the right thing to do, that people aren't going to, I don't know, get the message on that.
It's just like, that's the only thing that gives me a little pause.
They're going to be coming hard for him, but again, I feel like, why not try?
If people are suffering to such a high extent, then why not try? That's how I feel.
Well, I guess because Trump could get re-elected again.
Oh, you mean if he loses because of that?
Yeah, I mean, I think that's a possibility.
Well, look, we've just had Trump for four years.
That's the thing that gives me, I mean, I think, like I said, I think Medicare for All is the morally righteous position.
Right.
But it gives me pause that it might be...
Well, I think the best argument against that is that a centrist Democrat already lost to Trump.
Oh, yeah.
Fairly, and perhaps unfairly, Hillary Clinton, you know, she came damn close to winning.
Yeah.
She basically won, but not quite.
I mean, the insane thing is, is that Trump will lose the popular vote.
We already know that.
Yeah, like no matter what.
That's insane.
I think whatever Democrat runs has a good chance of beating Trump.
Yeah.
And Bernie, according to the polls, Bernie actually has the best chance.
Look, I would totally agree with you or agree with the argument.
That's my concern.
No, no, and I would be very concerned if everybody was kind of like, "Okay, Bernie, you say the right things.
You know, we're going to pay for college. We're going to pay for health insurance."
But when you actually put those ideas out there, when we go do a poll of Bernie versus Trump
as opposed to Biden, as opposed to anybody else, Trump trounces you, man.
People don't like those ideas, but it doesn't seem to be the case.
It actually seems like people are pretty into it.
Love to pull up some polling numbers.
Everything that I've seen, Bernie always beats Trump the most comfortably.
Yeah.
And also, I got to say, I think it was really sick that AOC and--
That was sick.
Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib endorsed Bernie.
And I just love seeing the two of them together because they're two people who are united by what they believe in.
There was an interview that they did together where, you know, they're sitting in front of both of them,
and the journalist said to AOC, "Why are you endorsing an old white guy?"
AOC gets the, like, kind of the goofiest, most condescending questions over and over again, and she never breaks.
She's always like, "The reason I endorse Bernie is because I agree with everything he said because he blah blah."
And then she goes on to say, "And because together, we form the coalition that this country needs."
You know, I think she was also subtly saying, "Me endorsing Bernie doesn't turn me into an old white man, you moron."
But she's so polite.
And then you kind of realize, like, oh, yeah, like, Bernie and her, that's literal diversity.
Right.
They share the same set of values.
They share the same set of values, but they're different people.
They come from different places, Queens and Brooklyn.
But they obviously have different life experiences.
She's right, you know, about he's an old white man.
He's had different privileges and stuff in his life.
But what he recognizes is that they're united by what they believe in, and that's what needs to happen in this country.
And if people are divided by racism or something, well, then f--- them.
They're going to miss out on what truly is a necessary good thing.
And he's the one that inspired her to get into politics.
Yeah, it's a great story.
Yeah.
It's like Star Wars or something.
He's the Obi-Wan Kenobi?
She's Rogue One.
I don't even know what Rogue One is.
I haven't seen any of them in a while.
I think he's Yoda and she's Rogue One.
Oh, he's Yoda.
Seinfeld, you a Star Wars nerd?
I just saw the first new one.
But wouldn't he be like Harrison Ford?
Maybe Bernie's Rogue One and she's a new hope.
Rey.
No, AOC.
Yeah, AOC is Rey.
No, she's a new hope.
I don't think Rogue-- is Rogue One a character?
I think that's just the name of the film.
I think if Bernie wins, he'll get the Rogue One as the plane, right?
And in honor to--
Some dude wins the presidency.
Yeah.
Some, like, Star Wars nerd changing the name from Air Force One to Rogue One.
It feels like a new sort of high that we're looking up the Wikipedia for Star Wars.
[laughter]
Oh, wait, it's a ship.
I don't know.
In honor of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, I hereby, in the obvious resonance that our mentor-mentee relationship has with the Star Wars universe,
I am renaming Air Force One, Rogue One.
AOC, you're the Rogue One to my Boba Fett.
America's just like, "Who did we vote for? What is Boba Fett?"
The tight thing is that Bernie--
So, you mean Yoda.
Rogue One is a movie.
Exactly, a Star Wars movie.
The tight thing is that Bernie is so kind of checked out on pop culture.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, did you see that--
Thank you, Twiddle.
Did you see that Ariana--
[laughter]
Did you see that Ariana Grande thing?
Oh, yeah.
No, I didn't see this.
That was definitely a Bernie intern.
Oh, yeah.
Ariana Grande tweeted--
Ariana Grande tweeted--
What is it?
Is she down with Bernie?
It kind of seemed like it.
Interesting.
She wasn't not down with him.
Isn't Cardi down with Bernie?
Oh, Cardi's really down with Bernie.
She's done a lot to support the campaign.
That's cool.
She sat down for an interview with him.
Ariana tweeted, "Baby, how you feeling?"
And Bernie Sanders quote tweeted it with, "Ready to fight for Medicare for all."
And then she followed up when she saw that like, "Oh, my God."
That's right.
Tight.
Very elegant.
660,000 likes on that Bernie Sanders retweet.
I retweeted it.
Look, it's a tiny bit corny, but corny times call for corny measures.
So I retweeted that.
I got on Twitter and I did a rare retweet.
And now I'm picturing the Beto O'Rourke email, subject line, "Ariana Grande."
Even Bernie Sanders is getting tweets off Ariana Grande.
I need my Beto army.
Subject line, "Time crisis."
Even as an ex-indie rocker, I thought I could count on the support of contemporary prominent
indie rock musician, Ezra Koenig.
Beto, you could.
Just not for president, man.
But I would respect the s--t of Beto if he was like, "You know what?
F--k this s--t. I'm out."
I'm out and I'm going to go campaign hard for Bernie.
Well, yeah, and there's also like another Texas Senate seat coming up, right?
Right.
Yeah, he could run against the other guy.
I wonder if people in Texas would be like, "Bro, really?"
I mean, that would be the most brutal if it was kind of like you almost beat Ted Cruz.
Right.
And then you squandered the goodwill at home and abroad.
Yeah.
With this presidential campaign and then you go back to Texas.
And people are just like...
Yeah, you lost five points.
Yeah.
You just can't make it back up.
Yeah.
Come on, Beto.
Just go full-time and be like a Bernie guy.
Even...
Beto army, I need you to flood Ariana's mentions.
Beto army.
Make sure she sees this.
Yeah, I feel like Bernie's getting the full quote tweet back from Ariana Grande and Beto's
getting the, "I hope she sees this, chief."
I hope she sees this.
I hope she sees this.
I hope she sees this.
I hope she sees this.
I hope she sees this.
I hope she sees this.
I hope she sees this.
I hope she sees this.
there's a picture of Trump with a Shannon Hoon, singer of Blind Melon, because Trump
went to a Blind Melon show in the early 90s, I think taking Don Jr. or Ivanka. So I'm curious,
was one of the Trump kids into both Blind Melon- like it's one thing to be like, "Oh
yeah, I was a kid in the early 90s. The Grateful Dead was huge and the skull logo looked-
badass, so I got the poster." If one of the kids was into the Dead and Blind Melon, now
we're starting to see a pattern. And going to the show. And going to the show. So one
of those kids was crunchy. Yeah. They were growing up with f*cking golden toilets and
sink faucets. Right. And they still were like- Responding to that earthy, early 70s vibes.
So was one of the Trump kids just like a hippie, literally in a gilded cage? Well those instincts
have been repressed for so many decades at this point. Man, maybe- They're just gonna
burst out. We gotta make some stickers. Dost Don Jr. Dost Don Jr. Throw on Europe 72. And
just watch the waterworks turn on. This is who I am, man. I'm not down with all this
f*cking racist right wing sh*t, man. Imagine this. I could really imagine this. It's spring
'95. Don Jr's like, "Dad, I got really good grades this year. Please let me go follow
the Grateful Dead." It's like, "What are you talking about? No, look. I took you to
the Blind Melon show. I let you have the poster, but enough's enough. You're gonna be taking
over this company one day." He's like, "But Dad, it's just one summer. A bunch of my friends
are gonna go follow the dead." And Trump is just like, "Absolutely not. They're a bunch
of losers. And you gotta start your internship program at Trump Casino in Atlantic City."
Or whatever. You know, succession sh*t. And then he misses out on the whole summer. And
guess what? Jerry dies that August. Never gets to see them again. He can't really forgive
his dad, but then his dad just has that imposing Logan Roy energy. Yeah, maybe he yells at
him the day he finds out Jerry dies. "Dad, see what you f*cking did? Now I'll never f*cking
get to see them." And then Trump is just like, holds him. He's like crying inconsolably.
And Trump just holds him. He's like, "It's over, Don. The Grateful Dead are over. I'm
glad this happened." "How could you say that?" "Because now it's finally over, my boy. The
Grateful Dead will never tour again. They would need to find some type of young hotshot
guitarist from Connecticut or something. And even then, they couldn't really call it the
Grateful Dead. But Don, my boy. Don, my boy, it's over." I can totally picture that. Yeah,
then he dries his tears. Next day, he comes back. His hair is slicked back. "Dad, you're
right. Jerry's dead." "It's 1995. Come on. It's time to move on." "It's the f*cking
90s, Don." I think I've mentioned this on the show. My friend Ryan, who plays in the
band, has Paul Manafort's copy of a Byrds album. Wait, yeah, yeah. This is... I think
I've mentioned this. But yeah, he bought a used vinyl copy of the Byrds Untitled album
from 1969 or '70. And it just said Paul Manafort on the back. And you know how people used
to have their little... Stamps sometimes. Yeah, name tags with their address and phone
number on it. And it's Paul Manafort. Wow. Just on this Byrds album. He should mail that
to the prison he's in. He's in prison, right? I think he is. Manafort. Got a package for
you. Manafort got a package for you. Any chance this is like a John Voight, George Costanza
situation where it's just the same name? No, he looked up the address on the name tag.
Wow. And it was actually in Connecticut. Legit. And that's where Paul's from. So it is the
same Paul Manafort. Wow. Now I'm picturing a Don Jr. handwritten dead cassette bootleg.
Just like Giants Stadium 1990. Like, please return to Don Trump Jr. Pet House. Trump Tower.
New York, New York. Man, maybe it's Ivanka. I don't know. But one of those Trump kids.
Colin showed me. Shannon Hoon is definitely Ivanka. Apparently Blind Melon was one of
her favorite bands. Maybe all the kids were crunchy. All I can say. And then Shannon died
as well. Probably that year. Yeah. Trump taking out all the greats so that his kids don't
turn into hippies. Damn. Don, dry your eyes. Come into my office. I want you to meet somebody.
This is Steve Miller. And I brought him here to talk to you about the Grateful Dead. Scared
straight. Hey, listen, Don, I know it probably sounds pretty cool. What? Taking drugs and
jamming a 40 minute version of playing in the band. Well, guess what, man? It's not
cool. It's bulls**t. It's indulgent. It's hedonistic. It's terrible. And look, I'm speaking
from experience. I jammed for those guys. I opened a whole tour. Don, go work for your
dad. Put these crazy dreams aside. Yeah, there's an alternate universe where he would have
started following fish. All I can say is that my life is pretty plain. I like watching the
point of view, but it's not safe. It's not safe. I just want someone to say to me, you
know, I like to keep my cheese dry today. So stay with me and I'll have it made. And I don't
understand why I sleep all day. And I start to complain that there's no way ahead of you.
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake. And it rips my life away, but it's a great
escape. Escape. Escape. Escape.
Let's try to get Tiffany Trump on the show. Tiffany, what's your favorite Robert Hunter
lyric? Maybe Tiffany's into twiddle. If we like reached out to Ivanka and were like,
Hey, we're doing this thing on Robert Hunter. Love to have you call in with your favorite
Robert Hunter lyrics. Maybe talk about your favorite dead song. I don't think it's impossible
that we could make it happen. Not because we have any particular sway, but she's probably
well, first of all, we would get destroyed for it. I think I could imagine thought exercise.
Just imagine how much fake smiling she has to do being like, Oh yeah, this is everything's
going great. At the end of the day, Ivanka grew up in New York city. You know, she spent
her time in the kind of, I'm sure she went to high school with a mixed bag of people,
but trust me, Ivanka, she used to be out there hanging with the, you know, liberal Hollywood
type musicians and art people. So there's no way, like she's probably not letting it
enter her mind, but there's no way that she's not at least subconsciously clocking the fact
that like, she's not just closed a bunch of doors, but like burned crazy bridges. Maybe
she would be desperate enough to take a TC call. And just like, we're like, Ivanka, tell
us about that. A blind melon show. We saw the photograph on online. Oh, thank you. You
know, people just, they just always want to talk about my father's policies and things
that, you know, trust me, I try to steer my dad in the right direction. He's a good man,
but thank you. I, this is the real me. It's just a blind melon fan. I'm just a blind melon
fan from New York city. Can you imagine the blowback on that? Just like, Hey guys, that
would just detonate pitchfork guys. People are people. TC is all about the music, man.
This is not a political show. This is not a political show, but look, we're not into
politics, man. We're into the music and blind melon rules. Can we do a fake time crisis
intro with Ivanka Trump? What do you mean? What do you mean? Like, what would that sound
like? You know, with the one of us, if we did it just to like fake people out, what
would that actually sound like? Time crisis back once again on this week's episode, we're
talking blind melon, the grateful dead, and one of the crunchiest ladies of all time,
Ivanka Trump. She'll join us in the studio to talk about some of her favorite early nineties
jam bands. All this plus the greatest hits of 1982 and 1967. This is time crisis with
Ezra King. Oh my God. Or just give her like super self-full questions like Ivanka. I'm
sure you get asked about your dad enough. What we want to know is when you get the Frito
Lay box at Costco, what are you going for first? Oh, well, I'm a Fritos girl. I guess
Ivanka Trump is a, she dropped a book a couple of years ago. This is a quote from the book
during my punk phase in the nineties. I was really into Nirvana. My wardrobe consisted
of ripped corduroy jeans and flannel shirts. One day after school, I dyed my hair blue.
Mom wasn't a fan of my, of this decision. She took one look at me and immediately went
out to the nearest drugstore to buy a $10 box of nice and easy. That night she forced
me to dye my hair back to blonde. The color she picked was actually three shades lighter
than my natural color. And I've never looked back. You know, that's kind of a version of
the story we were just telling of being like, I was trying to become like a punk rocker
and get into Nirvana. And then I was punished so hard for it. Like, yeah, I made my hair
blue and I literally got punished so hard for it. I turned like super blonde and I never
went back. My punk phase. Yeah. Don Jr's version is like, I grew my hair out and came into
my dad's room with a, with a steal your face t-shirt. Dad took me to the nearest Brooks
brothers bought me a suit and I never looked back. Oh God. This is like a really crazy
dream now. In the early Trump days, we found something where Trump was at like a rat dog
show or something. Give me a number of crunch on that. It was Trump showed up at like Bob
weir or something. Whoa. Is there a photo of him in a weir? Oh wow. There's audio. Trump
introduces Bob. Oh, that's right. Oh yeah. Yeah. We played this a long time ago, but
it's probably about time to people that listen to the show multiple times per episode or
rolling their eyes now. 2006. This is 2006. People are already kind of harshed out. Yeah.
Is that Trump? Wait, is that Trump? People are booing him. Yeah. Interesting. Trump's
been getting booed for years. Oh God. See this also, first of all, that's his classic
wrestling. He realizes people are booing him and yeah, I guess he probably wishes, just
wishes he had a mic when he was at the world series. Oh my God. That was insane. But this,
this is him. Everybody's booing him and Trump's like, okay, I'm the bad guy. I'm the undertaker
right now. Well guess what? Everybody Bob weirs not playing. I've got Bob. We're buried
in a coffin. Nobody has sold out Madison square garden more than Bob 251 times. That's not
true. Well, the dead, they played there 251 times. No way. It does sound like a lot. Well,
it's classic Trump though. Like wildly inflating the numbers to a very specific number. I mean
the dead by play the garden, like maybe what? 20 times. It could be more 30, 40 times, 50
maybe. I don't think they played there more than fish. 52. Okay. This website of the guy
who photographed the show says Donald actually stayed for the whole first set of the show.
Actually stayed. Yeah. There's no, there's not really any pictures of him like posing
with Bob. Oh wow. There are, Oh my God. Let me see. Jesus God. That's wild. Yeah. And
you could even picture that also be pretty like Trump and succession is that then like
Don jr. Who's all like prepped out in corporate and right wing. Now I was like, uh, dad, uh,
did you really introduce Bob? We're in rat dog and the beacon theater. It's just business,
Don. But dad, you said I couldn't go on tour with the dead in 95. That's different. You
gotta play all the angles. There's a constituency there for me. How did he even end up there?
Like it's not like he like was like, I'm going to buy a ticket to see rat dog. Like maybe
he knows Bob's managed. Like there's some weird chain of events that led him to being
there. It probably unfolded like that day. Yeah. Very weird. I mean he only probably,
you know, live 30 blocks away. Yeah. Somebody who worked with Prince told me a story about
Prince playing at the garden and this was probably in a similar era in the apprentice
era and that Trump, you know, talked his way into the show. He probably had connections
with the building, you know? Sure. Like that's a, that's a funny thing with like when you
do shows cause you, you know, you sell as many as you can and then there's the extra
tickets for, you know, band guest list, the label and then the building, the building
always has their, you know, special things that have nothing to do with you. So probably
Trump had a connection with the garden. He knows Jimmy Dolan or something. So Trump wanted
to go to the Prince show and apparently Prince heard that he was coming and he couldn't stop
him from like being around and being backstage a little bit. The guy I talked to who worked
on the show just really stuck with him. And Prince just said, keep that guy away from
me. He's got bad vibes. You keep him far away from me. And then of course Trump is like,
kind of like, Oh, let me go say hi. And he's like, and he also was just apparently going
to random people like, welcome me to my seat. It's like, uh, sir, that's not what I do,
sir. I'm a keyboard tech. So walk me to my seat. Come on. Jesus. But Prince just had
this vibe where you just like, Ooh, yeah, I don't keep him away from it. I don't need
him in my head space. Yeah. Bad vibes.
Okay. So clearly there's something unpacked with the Trump family and
the Jambans. Strange bedfellows. Yep. Oh my God. Speaking of a controversy, this is a
real news and politics oriented episode. This happened a few weeks ago, but it just crossed
my desk. Morrissey played the Hollywood bowl recently, hot off the hills of that, uh, Richard
pictures, tomorrow and a vampire show. And, um, at his merch stand, he was selling a t-shirt
that said the guardian, I guess he's referring to the newspaper has some kind of issue with
it. Okay. Um, and then the weird part though, is that he was also selling signed records,
but not Morrissey records. He's was selling signed copies of David Bowie's Aladdin, sane
Patty Smith's horses, Lou Reed's transformer and Iggy and the Stooges raw power all for
$300. I can actually imagine a Morrissey fan wanting that, but it's also like, it's such
a bizarre move. And what did Morrissey needs like the extra 1200 bucks of merch sales at
the Hollywood bowl. Do you think it was just one copy of each album? Like it was from his
personal collection and like kind of shop worn or was it just like, maybe you just had
a, like a stack of great idea that day. And you just like, it was like, send somebody
he's like, go to Amoeba by seven copies of Lou Reed's transformer and bring me a Sharpie
brand new reissue. Yeah. Taking the cellophane off. Yeah. Probably technically illegal if
it's a brand new copy. Well, like, can you just like buy stuff? I guess you can. Oh.
And just like mark it up. It's a weird idea. Right. Just like go to Amoeba. Yeah. Buy like
a new reissue of Steve Miller's greatest hits. Yeah. For 2799. Yeah. I guess I could. Then
I can just put on eBay and be like, this is 20 and especially you, especially you as an
American painter, you could always just call it art. Oh, right. Here's a signed copy of
Steve Miller's greatest hits. Oh my God. $40,000. That's Andy Warhol lives on steroids. Morrissey
is selling an X-Box two with a Morrissey sticker on the top for $3,000 at his show in San Francisco.
Just like really random stuff. A poster for the film devil's advocate, starring Al Pacino
and Keanu Reeves signed by Morrissey. That one's a hundred thousand dollars at a recent
Morrissey show. A recent Morrissey show. There were multiple sacks of 10 from white castle
selling one burger at a time, 30 bucks a piece. That'd be tight. If Morrissey just like rolls
up to where is it's Costco where, where Kirkland signature is the home brand. I feel like this
would happen to like a school fair. It's like the bake sale and somebody's parents are just
like, Oh, well here's a 40 pack of like giant muffins, Kirkland signature brand muffins.
You can sell them, I don't know, for five bucks a piece. It's just like Morrissey sends
somebody to just bring back all this like Kirkland signature bull. This might be illegal.
Morrissey sends somebody to Costco to buy like the Frito-Lay value packs. And he started
selling the individual bags of lays that say not for resale. Exactly. Morrissey is selling
them for 20. It's not even that dramatic. He's just selling them for $4 each. It's like
the first lawsuit in history where Frito-Lay actually sued somebody for selling, but not
for resale bags of lays. Morrissey killed it on those Frito-Lays. They made $160 that
night at the Hollywood bowl. Well, you got to understand. I wonder how much they made
those like off those records. Cause the Hollywood bowl is like a huge venue. So like a few thousand
dollars here, there's like not going to really move the needle. Oh yeah. You know, despite
some of the controversy around Morrissey, he's been accused of being a anti-immigrant
racist. He still does have a very passionate fan base, especially in Southern California.
So you can imagine somebody like Morrissey he's making loads of money just selling t-shirts
that night. So yeah, it's a drop in the bucket. This was just an idea that he had. Wait Seinfeld.
Actually, this is a real number crunch. How much does one of those Frito-Lays value packs
cost?
Now let's get a number crunch. Brought to you by Seinfeld 2000. We got the Frito-Lay
classic mix variety, 18 count for $7 from Walmart.
What's in that? We got lays, Cheetos, Doritos.
Two kinds of Doritos, Sun Chips.
I got lays, Fritos, Cheetos, Doritos. Do you know that song? It kind of comes back every
Thanksgiving. So it's seasonally appropriate. She's actually a very famous gospel singer,
right? She's kind of singing a song, but it's also taking the, you know, she's also preaching
a little bit, you know, obviously gospel music is religious. And I think she's telling kind
of a Bible story where she's talking about all these animals that somebody has and animals
and vegetables, right? I got rams, lambs, potatoes, tomatoes. I think it's like a character
in the Bible is saying this. And so she's naming all these things. And then there's,
she goes, you name it. And it became like their remixes. It's just one of those, you
know, similar to rise and shine. It just became a meme.
Shirley Caesar.
Shirley Caesar. So in the gospel community, from what I understand, she's very well-known
icon, but then she became a meme for the younger generation. I got rams, lambs, potatoes, tomatoes.
And I just can't believe I just thought of this. I got Cheetos, Fritos Doritos. I got
lay. You name it. Okay. So anyway, you said you can get 18 of those little ones for $7.
So what's the unit price on that?
39 cents.
This is actually like, you know, when there's like kids on the subway just selling candy
for their baseball team. That's usually what you do. Somebody went to Costco or something,
got a value pack probably is like 30 cents per Twizzler. But if the kid sells it for
a dollar, that's a decent little profit, you know, raising money for your team or your
charity or whatever. So just imagine straight up at a show. Morrissey is like just talking
to his merch guys. Like I have a brilliant idea. You know, I've really been thinking
I, I think we could be selling a lot, making a lot more money and by, I think I'm getting
the texture of his voice, right? Not the accent, the Manchester accent too specific and by
those Frito lays. What's the official name? A Frito lay.
Classic mix variety pack. And by Frito lay classic mix variety pack. I crunched the numbers
and really we're looking at 39 cents a unit. We can sell them for $1. Now I'm just totally
losing, melting down. We sell them for $1. That's 61 cents profit. Quite a tidy sum.
That sounds like a new Morrissey song. Reselling Doritos for a tidy sum. So he's making 61
cents per. The issue with this would be that volume, volume, volume. A, you have to move
a lot of volume and B, you know, the building in this case, the Hollywood bowl, they're
making quite a tidy sum selling their own food. So that could turn into a real brawl.
Yep. Also, isn't there like animal byproducts in the chips that would violate Morrissey's
maybe in the Cheetos. That'd be a let, cause you know, Morrissey's
famously a hardcore vegetarian. Yeah. Is he vegan? Maybe vegan. Freegan. It's a free.
He identifies as a freegan. Morrissey caught eating a plate of Buffalo Wild Wings. They
had extra, but most flavors of Doritos are not vegan. They contain cheese, milk, buttermilk
way. But is Morrissey vegan or just vegetarian?
He's vegan. Okay. But so what's the no go on those Cheetos? Okay. But the Fritos. Fritos,
I think are probably vegan. That would definitely eat into his profits.
If he bought all the value packs, then remembered, Oh yeah, not the cheese isn't vegan. And then
they had to throw everything out. But the Fritos for the record, Fritos are vegan. The
other Frito flavors are not, but the original Fritos are vegan. Fritos are vegan. I pictured
like being at a school event where they're just like lays $1. So 71 cents profit and
in Seinfeld, can you get a better deal? Can you get a better per unit deal? If you what's
like the biggest 48 count? Yeah. What's the biggest count Frito-Lay box you can get on
Amazon? I'm seeing a 50 count. Whoa. Yeah. I think 50, 50 is the largest. All right.
So let's get a number of crunch. If you buy the 50 pack, what's your per unit price? 29
cents. We got down to 29 cents. That's a real tidy sum. Now we're at 71 cents. Maybe vampire.
We can just got to do this track one on the new record. A tidy sum, a tidy sum. Fritos
are vegan. Track two Fritos are vegan. Time crisis with Ezra Koenig. You know what I'm
thinking more about this? Uh, the Morrissey and the, I thought of two things. One is this
is on the tip of my tongue. So, you know, there's a Smith song, meat is murder. Yeah.
Great song. That's prime Morrissey. That's when he was great. Just like, it's kind of,
you know, taking a stand for something good. Now I'm picturing a version of meat is murder
where that's like a little softer where he's kind of just like the whole song, rather than
just being like, what the is wrong with you? Disgusting people who murder animals. The
whole thing is like, guys, why do you have to eat animals when, when Fritos are vegan?
And it's really just more of like a, a kind of like guys, don't you like, Oh, you think
it's going to be so hard to be vegan? No, no, we get to eat Fritos, man. It's cool.
So then I always loved this line, the chorus, the real one goes and the flesh you so fancifully
fry. That's so classic. And the flesh you so fancifully fry is not succulent, tasty
or kind it's death for no reason. And death for no reason is murder. But I'm picturing
when like, and the flesh you so fancifully fry is not succulent, tasty or kind it's death
for no reason. And don't you know, Fritos are vegan. Just being like, why death for
no reason when Fritos are vegan Fritos never killed nobody. I was thinking about that.
And then, and then the last thing I'll say, this is classic TC just beating the dead horse.
And now I'm also picturing like, this is actually a funnier with Steve Miller or like, or Don
Henley, just like an older crotchety American dude. Just like not only just doing that at
the show, selling the individual, not for resale bags for a dollar and making a tidy
sum of 71 cents, but also just like during a break during the show, just be like, now,
Hey guys, you might've noticed I'm selling Doritos, Fritos and Lay's. Now, now listen
to this. I send the interns over to Costco, my per unit price. And just like, just like
saying that to like a stadium. And then the last rent crickets, he's like waiting for
a big thing. He's like, and the grand total, my per unit profit, like the drummer. It's
like Bruce Brinksley, my per unit profit, Max Weinberg, 71 cents. This is dirty laundry.
I just have to look good. I don't have to be clear.
And then the last random thing I'll say, cause it stayed with me. I think I mentioned on
the last episode, how I read Elton John's book. I got to pass that around to the rest
of the crew, but two things. Cause you know, Elton's had this incredible life. He's knows
everybody, but I wondered, would there be any grateful dead talk in the book? And if
we ever get Elton on TC, cause you know, I went on his show. I'd love to get him on.
He had me call in. I didn't go in person. I haven't met him in person, but he's real
sweet. Super into father of the bride. The one reference to the grateful dead. He tells
this story about how he had such mixed feelings about going to the rock and roll hall of fame
to be inducted in 1994. He tells the story that he was driving his husband, David Furnish
crazy because he would literally like get dressed and then like get in the car and just
be like, I don't want to do it. And then he'd be like, no, I should probably accept it.
And then like they get in the limo and they like get to the rock and roll hall of fame
ceremony. He'd like walk inside and then just look around and be like, it's a bunch of skeletons
in here and like leave. Like I said, he's very funny and self-aware in how he writes
about himself. But he talks about that as being kind of an example of his peak mania
where he just had such mixed feelings about, is it corny to be at the rock and roll hall
of fame? Is this a bad thing? Am I lame for going? Am I lame for not going? And he was
just so in his head about it. One thing he says, he's like the grateful dead got on stage
and Jerry Garcia refused to go. They had to bring a cardboard cutout of him. Maybe Jerry
had the right idea after all. So it's funny. So basically Elton John is like, he's having
this real crisis of morality. And then I watched the video of the dead accepting and the dead
get up there and it's all the guys, you know, Jerry. No. And then at the very end, they
bring out this cardboard cutout of Jerry and they're like, and Hey Jerry. And apparently
just Jerry didn't want to go. That's corny, man. All these hierarchies. So Elton John
was like, yeah, he finally sits down and then this cardboard cutout of Jerry is like the
one dude who like actually felt the same way. Wow. Yeah. So anyway, that's the one reference
to the grateful dead in Elton John's book. And also another reason why I think Elton
John would be right at home on TC is because later in the book, he became a father very
late in life. So he has two kids and you know, so he's making a decision. He and his husband
are talking about it. And he said, my, my husband, uh, who had become his manager at
the time basically gave him like a 10 or 15 year plan. And he said, now listen, you know,
you're still hot. You can go tour around the world. You can make loads of money. I'm going
to be keeping an eye on all this stuff. But what I need you to tell me is like, you know,
obviously it's his husband and his manager. So he's like, so let's compare your touring
schedule to family life. So he said, you know, cause I just want you to keep in mind if you
go tour hard this year, that's the year that, you know, one of our sons is going to be in
eighth grade and you would miss this and you might miss his first, you know, day of school
as a freshman and his high school graduation. He basically painted him this picture of like,
this is what will be going on with our kids for the next 15 years. And he said to Elton,
what do you want to be here for? You know, cause cause Elton John might've been like,
well, okay. If I miss a few summers with the boys, that's okay. Or if I miss like part
of their school year, but we make up, you know, you could imagine what kind of conversation
somebody might have. And then Elton, it's a sweet moment says, you know what? I want
to be here for all of it. And that's when he's kind of like, I'm not going to tour as
hard as I used to. And let's figure out how to only do private. I don't know what, whatever
he came up with. And then the way he writes about it is saying like, you know, I realized
I wanted to be there for all of it. I don't want to miss it. Aerosmith style. I don't
want to miss a thing. And then he says the idea that like something special could be
happening in my boy's life. And I might be at Madison square garden or the Staples center
or Taco Bell arena in Boise. It crushed me. Yeah. It's like, he just said it cause it
was funny. That rules. He must've played there or seen it somewhere and just been like Taco
Bell arena in Boise. That's a funny name. So he moved the family to Vegas. Yeah. He
kind of, I guess he figured it out. Yeah. Boys, you're going to grow up in Vegas. Dad,
just go play Taco Bell arena. Actually Vegas seems like an interesting place to grow up.
And I think the, the real, the real Vegans are people called Las Vegas, Las Vegas. I
think, uh, no, I think they're Las Vegas on the rare occasion that you meet a true native
Las Vegas. Yeah. They're very interesting people. Cause you know, it's like they get
to watch this crazy cross section of the rest of the country and world come in through their
city. I've always been curious because I've never actually gotten to see it because every
time I've been in Vegas, you know, you stay on the strip or you, you know, we were just
that life is beautiful. It can be really hard to meet the, you know, the permanent residents,
the locals. Yeah. But it must be a fascinating town to grow up in the shadow of all that
vice. Yeah. I wonder what, like, what does a suburb of Vegas look like? Probably like
a suburb of Phoenix or well, cause the desert starts so quick. Right? Yeah. Cause in movies,
movies that take place in Vegas, like casino or something, I feel like every good Vegas
movie always has a scene where they're just out and just like the rawest empty desert
they got in the car for 10 minutes. Yeah. And then they're just like on Mars. The time
I've driven through and played a few shows there about 20 years ago. Yeah. Wolf kernel.
Yeah. Wolf kernel shows. And it was a real indie DIY. Yeah. They were in like, you know,
like an all ages show and like a coffee shop. Yeah. Like in a strip mall in like residential
Vegas. So you have seen true residential Vegas. I remember it just being pretty stark. I have
a vague memory being on tour and stopping for lunch in Cheyenne, Wyoming and seeing
that there were these like houses that look like they were from the 1880s, 1890s. Yeah.
Like Victorian, Victorian frontier. So I wonder if there's, there must be towns in Nevada
like that. You know who would be a good person to get on the, on the program? Vegas centric.
Yeah. Brandon flowers. Brandon flowers. Yeah. Jimmy Kimmel. Why? Why Jimmy Kimmel? He's
from Vegas. Jimmy Kimmel's from Vegas. I don't know why I know that, but he is. Yeah. Shout
out to Jimmy Kimmel. He, he listened to the Huey Lewis episode and he tweeted about it.
That's right. That's awesome. I like that. He tweeted everybody check out this interview
with Huey Lewis. You should listen to it. It's cool. It starts at the 41 minute Mark.
And then we had a couple of TC heads in the comments being like, don't sleep on that first
41, man. Don't don't sleep on that mountain. Brews break down that SLC soundboard. Yeah,
seriously. I wonder if Jimmy Kimmel listened to that. No, he scrubbed. He scrubbed forward
to that Huey Lewis. He scrabbled past. Yeah. He's scrabbled past. I wonder if the Elton
that was so tormented about the decision to go to the rock and roll hall of fame ceremony
in 1994, what that Elton felt like about the Vegas residency. Well, he said one interesting
thing in the book about it, which is one thing about him is he's a huge, huge music collector
and nerd. Yeah. So he talks about how like he was pretty checked out from streaming because
he just, at one point he owned, he bought this off a DJ. He owned every single released
in the UK from like 1955 to 1975. He literally owned maybe millions, at least hundreds of
thousands of records. Jesus Christ. And he's a huge stats geek too. He talks about when
he was growing up, he was obsessed with soccer and he was also just obsessed with the charts.
And I watched this. Wow. He would be good for TC. Yeah. Seriously. I bet we'd be like,
I mean, comparing the top five is to September, 1972. And he'd just be like, BG's, but just
rain man style, just list them off. And, and he says how you would always keep a little
notebook where he would, he would just like write down the charts. And then he continued
to do that into adulthood. He was like obsessively watching his own singles and things like that.
So when he talks about the rock and roll hall of fame, I think his feeling was because he
was such a hardcore rock and roll guy. He was like the beginning of the rock and roll
hall of fame, which was about honoring the original rockers, the 1950s originators. He
loved that because he felt like there are all these people, you know, the, I don't know
who he's talking about. Little Richard and probably people whose names aren't even as
big as little Richard. He was talking about, you know, these original American artists,
mostly black American artists who, you know, influenced the British people and all this.
So he loved that. He just said he found it a little hoity toity to be honoring, you know,
who came next. He just didn't see the point. And when he talks about his Vegas show, I
guess the first time he did a Vegas show, it was like very controversial because he
hired David LaChapelle, the photographer, and they made it like very provocative. He
was a little bit too early to do a very provocative Vegas show. So I think he saw it as a, an
art form that you could do something interesting in. And also now everybody does it. Blink-182
did a Vegas residency recently. It's 25 years after you released your first album that you're
eligible for the rock and roll hall of fame. Wait, so 14 years from now, 2033, 2033, 2033.
We think about me playing on the Vegas strip, dude, vampire weekend on the strip and rock
and roll hall of fame induction. Yeah. The year we get induction to the rock and roll
hall of fame, do a Vegas residency. Yeah. The Richard Victor's opening. That'd be tight.
All right. Should we get into the top five? It's time for the top five on iTunes. All
right. So this week on the top five, which again, we can last time, how many TCs don't
have a top five? That's one for the stat sets. Maybe Elton knows this week on the top five,
we're comparing the top five songs on iTunes right now to the top five songs this week
in 1972 on the billboard charts. Why 1972? Cause Europe 72 simple as that. Also it's
the year that Beto was born. Our boy. Beto was born. I haven't done a seventies one in
a minute. Yeah. We're kind of getting back to the tasteful palate. The number five song.
Oh, this is curious to me. I know as a, as a stats geek myself, that the song is from
the sixties moody blues nights in white satin. So, uh, I got to read up on this while originally
released in 1967 to marginal success only hit one Oh three in the U S nights and white
satin was re-released in the U S in 1972 and peaked at number two on the billboard hot
100. Weird. Maybe it was too ahead of its time in the seventies. Prog rock was finally
hitting and the moody blues like kind of got their respect. Super orchestral epic. Yeah,
it's funny. They're probably trying to like riff on like pet sounds or something, but
it ends up being more seventies. Yeah, totally. Great song.
Never reaching the end. Never meaning to say. Just be good on a tasteful palate of the late
sixties. This song time of the season by the zombies and a proko harem. Yeah. Whiter shade
of pal walk away. Renee. Yeah. Doesn't this song go into like some weird spoken word part?
Well, yeah, this whole song is like eight minutes. I'm going to skip ahead. Eight minute
nights, eight minutes single in 67 is tough. This is where it gets super Prague. This is
also like very game of thrones. The Targaryens.
We're fully out of like rock and pop at this point. Right. For orchestra. How does Game
of Thrones go? Yeah, yeah. Just like teenagers listening to this like babes and but this
part sucks. Like Beethoven or something, dude. This loves to people look back and lament
another day's useless energy spent. Impassioned lovers. Lonely man cries for love and has
a very game of thrones here. Do you mother picks up and settles her son? Senior citizens
were she's just citizens. I wonder what the context of that phrase was like. It's so poetic.
You think you would just be like the ancient one, right? Elders decide which is right.
Which is an illusion. But that was an illusion. But that was an illusion. Jesus Christ. That's
like a parody of. Yeah, but I guess they were inventing it. That's so funny. Yeah, it really
is proto Prague. It has like that like insanely pretentious, overly complicated vibe. I feel
like there was a disco nights in white that maybe Giorgio Marotta did one later. Nice
in white satin. Never leave in the year. Yeah, Giorgio Marotta did a nights in white satin.
How does this sound? Check this out during the week of December 2nd, 1972. The song dropped
from number 17 to off the charts completely, setting the record for the biggest drop out
of the hot 100 in a single week. So people were just like, dude, that last four burned
out on that last four. This is weird as hell. Cool. Whisper vocals. Oh, everybody in the
comment section is Sopranos brought me here. I guess they play this in a scene where Tony's
having a drink at the bottom. Kind of Reznor style vocals there. Yeah. Cold hearted orb
that rules the night. For a tidy sum. For a tidy sum. The Frito lays. For a tidy sum.
Fritos can be yours. But what's that behind the ancient doors? 71 cents. That's a fascinating
song. The number five song, the Knights in White Satin of 2019 is our good friends, YouTubers
Dan and Shay and Justin Bieber. Oh, tight. We're kind of hard on this song. I felt bad
about it. But it's just because we're so team. If it's meant to be, it'll be. This song became
the highest charting non holiday country song in the history of the Billboard streaming
songs chart. I think after the last episode with this on my Wikipedia page took a real
beating. Oh, yeah, that's true. We had some real pranksters out there. I think it's back
to normal now. They're saying that you are a YouTuber. Yeah, you're back to just being
a painter, musician and Internet radio personality. And actually, those same people did attack
the D.D.O.S. on Dan and Shay and made them YouTubers as well. OK, that we can support.
Well, Dan and Shay actually are YouTubers, right? I think we determined they're not YouTube.
OK, but Justin Bieber is a YouTuber for sure. Justin Bieber came up on YouTube. He's a YouTuber.
OK, but he's his generation. You could be proud to be a YouTuber innovator. See, that's
why I think we need to do a Mountain Bruce music video, because then Jake can officially
be a YouTuber. Oh, yeah. I don't think we talked about it on the show that was on the
text thread. Oh, yeah. Let's do it. Do doing an official Mountain Bruce video. My idea
is that it should be like insanely high budget, expensive looking. We shoot it on film. And
I think somebody on the third was saying it should be very true to the story of the song,
which I'm totally into. Yeah. The only characters in the song is the narrator, the Jake. Yeah.
And then Bobby. Someone's going to play Bobby. My pitch was Leonardo DiCaprio plays Jake
and Brad Pitt plays Bobby. Our kind of reunion after Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. I like
where you're at. They both live in L.A. so it wouldn't be hard to get them to go for
a hike. I never thought of the characters being old. I like that. Oh, yeah. And they
had like a rough night of drinking. They're just like, got to shake the cobwebs off. I
guess if we really want to, like, expand the Mountain Bruce fan base, we could make it
appeal more to younger people. I'll get some YouTubers a star. Yeah. We get to the guys
from BTS. I like that picture. It's a real long stress ask landscapes. Sure. The cinematography
should be really true to your art. Oh, yeah. The truth is you could do it anywhere where
there's mountains right here. It could be in Southern California. Maybe Glendale. BTS
does it in Korea. Oh, everyone makes their own Mountain Bruce video. Oh, that's not a
bad idea. Fan contest. Yeah. Gauntlet thrown to the fan base. Or we could get like famous
mountain climbers. The guy from Free Solo. Oh, yeah. No, but I like I think there's more
gravitas if it's kind of like older. Yeah. People guys in their 40s or old 30s. Older
people. Beto Bob Weir and Donald Trump. Don doesn't hike. Bill Kreutzman and Mickey Hart.
Perfect. Beto would be tight. Me and Beto got late last night. Actually, in that first
email that I referenced, he talked. I think he's going for a hike like in the hills of
El Paso, like up the mountains. Yeah. A couple of mountain brews in that backpack. That's
new Beto email subject line. Mountain brews. Ezra hyphen. Sunday morning. Why don't we
go for a hike? The trailhead lot around a quarter to three. Already confusing. It'll
be Sunday morning or two forty five. Well, actually, that is a question I want to ask
you about Mountain Bruce. Sunday morning. The text comes through. Why don't we go for
a hike? Yeah. And then you're like, OK, I need about five hours to get ready for this.
Sunday morning is just kind of like the scene setter. Right. I picture you're hung over
as hell. It's like 10 a.m. super hung over, still in bed. Oh, grab the phone. It's from
Bobby. Why don't we go for a hike? And you're just like, all right, dude, when do you have
in mind whenever you want, man? One dude. Let's meet at the trailhead lot around a quarter
to three. OK, that's all good. All right. See you in five hours. I mean, that's real.
Oh, absolutely. That's some real. I'm going to go back to sleep for two. Take a shower.
Get some food in me. Go to the diner. Yeah, dude, I did that this weekend. We had a rager
at our house. Yeah. You're super hung over. Dude, hit hit this place. Cocos. Yeah. I've
heard of this place. Yeah. Old diner on York. This is a first for me. Yeah. Threw up in
the bathroom. Oh, 42 year old man. Holy. Oh, wait. Oh, dude. Wait, I got to go to the.
This is the first time you threw up in the bathroom period or that you were so hung over
you threw up in the bathroom. First time I've thrown up in a bathroom at a restaurant. I
threw up in the bathroom of a corner bistro in downtown Manhattan when I was in my mid
20s. I really barely drink anymore. I'm having a Stella right now. But I remember at the
time, you know, I just I always felt like sometimes I could drink a lot and sometimes
it wasn't for me. But I remember it was when I just I can't. I wonder if I ever told this
story. Maybe not. I don't think I'm TC. But I just remember at some point I was probably
like 25 and I had a dirty martini for the first time. I think sometimes if you're not
sure if you're a drinker or not, you're always just looking for what's my drink. Sure. And
I think I had a dirty martini and I was like, wow, this actually tastes good to me. I love
that. It's like salty. I never really liked sugary fruity drinks. I was like, I love that
it's salty and it comes, you know, an ice cold, dirty martini. Man, I could slam this.
This makes me happy to drink. So I remember I was sitting at I was at some hotel. I remember
this is the first time I ever met Janelle Monáe. Thankfully, not later when I had corner
bistro. We were at some hotel and I was like, all these people are sitting around. I'm like,
you know, let me loosen up meeting people for the first time. Young man in downtown
Manhattan. So I remember I like drank one. Then I drank another one. I was like, life's
great. Life's great. I found my drink. And then this is where I know I really made a
mistake. I feel like my final count might have been like five, but they're in such quick
succession. Is that just pure vodka? Right. I think so. With like olive juice. I think
I was doing gin ones. But yes, yes. Vermouth gin. And so I remember maybe after two and
I'm just like, I feel great just hanging out. And I was like, you know what? I'm a drinker,
man. And so this is where I knew I really messed up. This is classic hubristic. This
is such hubris. And I remember that the waiter came back and I was like, let me get to I
was like, because I'm throwing these back so fast. I was so stupid. So I care. I know.
But you know, you sometimes you got to go down some dark paths to find out who you really
are. And then I feel like maybe I had four in quick succession at whatever hotel we're
at. And then some other group peeled off to go to corner bistro. I'm like, that's good.
The place is famous for its burgers. Yeah. Definitely is a burger. Just slammed four.
But I'm still feeling good. Then I feel like I sat down there, probably ordered another
drink. And then I just remember like taking a bite and just being like, Oh yeah. And just
running to the bathroom. Just like puking. So was that night. It was like an hour later.
Yeah. I feel like it was such a quick turnaround. And then I was just like, I'll never do this
again. Not a drinker. You're like, Janelle, I got to go. Yeah. No, luckily she didn't
come to corner bistro. Can you just come back out to hang out with Janelle? Your eyes are
all red. Yeah. Face is all puffy. I feel like she wasn't even drinking. I was just trying
to be a cool guy. Just slamming dirty martinis. I wasn't just trying to be cool. I legitimately
was enjoying drinking them and being like, Oh, this is what it's like to be a drinker.
So that's unusual that this late. I mean, surely, you know, it happens every few years.
Did you do beer before liquor? Yeah. It was like, we're having a big party at our house.
No, but liquor before beer, you're in the clear. I don't think that's true. You didn't
know that at a certain quantity. It doesn't matter, dude. Just a lot of beer and tequila
over like a six hour period. Went to bed, felt great. Woke up at like eight, felt pretty
good. Yeah. Pop some Advil, went back to sleep, woke up at 10 30 and I was like, Ooh, clean
the place up. Went to breakfast. When did you have coffee? Didn't do coffee until the
breakfast did a Coke on ice. Oh yeah. That's classic hungover. Yeah. Carbonation. This
is such like, this is very unusual. Yeah. Like Fred, bro, bro. I'm with you. Four shots
of Jaeger. No, but I know that actually reminds me so much of being in college. It's before
I was like a hardcore Java hound. I knew that I liked coffee, but it was still kind of hit
or miss. Like occasionally I'd walk past like a street cart on my way to like my seminar
and just be like, Oh, let me get like a, a regular coffee. And this is, you know, New
Yorker, they just put like milk and sugar and just, and I was just kind of like, Oh,
yeah, light, sweet. And so I knew I liked coffee, but it wasn't that it wasn't like,
you know, now just like every morning my coffee, the coffee before the coffee vibe. Yeah. But
I totally remember that feeling of waking up like super hungover today. My body would
just be like, go get a coffee. But then just like rolling up to like the Seinfeld diner,
you know, that was like one of our go-to's and just be like, Oh, let me get a grilled
cheese with a pickle, a side of mashed potatoes and grape, like some weird ass thing. Oh, and
a Coke on ice. That was such like a young hungover thing. And then go back and be like,
all right, I feel okay. Now go back to my room, sleep for four hours. I hadn't pulled
that move in years, but I was thankful that there was some soda on the house. So then
you get down to the diner, one bite of French toast. And I was like, luckily no one was
in the bathroom. This should be the sequel to mountain Bruce. Mountain Bruce is like
you're you went for a hike? No. After that I went and worked on mountain Bruce. Oh really?
Yeah. You just wrote like, it's like a minor key. Sunday morning. Why don't I go for a
hike? Sunday morning. Why don't we go for a hike? Was it Morrissey? Jonathan Richmond
version. Actually this is like Scott Walker. I just threw up at Coco's please Jake come
out for a hike. I will not go for a hike. Yeah. That's home. Bruce. I'm going back to
bed. I've got a Modelo on the nightstand. That's what you're so hung over that you got
a Modelo on the nightstand. All the shades are drawn. You're just like streaming some
**** on your laptop in bed. Brutal. Yeah. Mountain Bruce is like that's that perfect
amount of hung over. Yeah. Mountain Bruce is a bummer. This is where you can't shake
the cobwebs free. You've succumbed to the cobwebs. Oh yeah. The number four song. The
number four song 1972. Helen Reddy, I am woman. Is this a country song? Is this I am woman
hear me roar? Is this how it goes? Oh yeah. So she's Australian. So this is Australian
country. Yes. I am wise. But it's wisdom for the pain. Yes I paid the price. But look how
I am ready. Sounds very interesting. Ready denied cores in 2003 from using I am woman
in an advertisement saying I'm not in the drug dealing business. I don't care how much
money they offer me. Whoa. Harsh words about alcohol. And then in 2006 Burger King featured
a lyrically adjusted version of I am woman called I am man for a commercial titled mantham
which compared the Texas double whopper to chick food and ending with eat like a man
man. Wow. That's when you realize things have really changed. What year was that? Oh six.
Let's take this song that has sort of a political valence to it. A feminist viewpoint. And let's
rewrite it so it has the exact opposite meaning. Yeah. Will you sell that to us? It's so petty
too. That's so gnarly. Well I think this is a I am man. Hear me roar in numbers too big
to ignore. And I'm way too hungry to settle for. OK. Just to paint a picture. She sold
it. Yeah. Maybe she's like alcohol. No. Some weird kind of massage in his burgers. OK.
But in this commercial the guy sitting at kind of like a fancy restaurant with his girlfriend
and he gets up from the table and he's like I don't know if he's talking about salads
or something. I'm way too hungry to settle for chick food. This is funny because 2006
was still a little bit before Jesus the time when like before paleo and stuff when there
was kind of like almost like a tough guy way to be obsessed with your diet. We're now like
a tough guy might be like yeah I'm vegan. I find that my muscle tone is more defined
if I'm vegan between 9 a.m. and noon. Yes sometimes I will eat a salad for lunch then
I'll have like organics. You know. Yeah. This is before that. This is still just like real
men crush brews and eat burgers. My stomach's starting to growl and I'm going on the prowl
for a pure beef double whopper man that's good. Oh yes. I'm a guy. I'll admit I've been
fed. Keshe. Wait. Bye bye. Now it's for the purest beef I reach. I will eat this meat.
It's not even pure beef. Oh God. I am in cordial. I am in cordial. 100 percent pure beef flame
grill good thing. Now they're pushing a car. They're pushing a car off a bridge. This is
a straight up television ad for Burger King. And why do they keep saying I am incorrigible.
This feels like this is written by somebody who hates men. This is like a stubborn I'm
incorrigible means like you can't be correct. You can't be like a child is incorrigible.
I am incorrigible. I am. That's a big word for a Burger King. Yeah. Like so many people
are like what are you. Yeah. This came out in the same year that Trump introduced Bob
Weir. Oh yeah. Dark days. Oh six big year. But in my neighborhood my neighbor we were
still scarfing down burgers. Email from the Beto campaign subject line incorrigible. I
can't believe that happened. Also it's not that well known of a song. The percentage
of people watching that ad that understood the reference maybe 5 percent. It kind of
seems like a psyops campaign. I think that was a well known song in the 60s probably
more meaningful to 72. 72 right. Probably more meaningful to women because it was written
as kind of an anthem for women. So then you get a picture like oh my God dude in 2006
who like or maybe they figured you know what man it's just it's a funny song even if you
don't get the reference or just man like a true OG feminist from the 60s and 70s and
then smash cut to 2006 or driving around town that comes on. No I guess it's on the TV.
Right. They're watching Fox News. This is meant to play in a commercial break for the
man show. I oh yeah. This is peak man show. Oh right. Right. Culture. We got to get Jimmy
Kimmel on. Absolutely. I am incorrigible. The number four song right now. Twenty nineteen
juice world and young boy never broke again. Bandit. I got to say young boy never broke
again is definitely the best name of any rapper of the past five years. Yeah. One thing that's
also cool about it is young boy is one word and everything else is it'd be that'd be crazy.
Actually I might suggest if I may put a space between young and boy just a full five word
name. Young boy never broke again. This juice world and YB NBA which is I think how it's
often shortened. It's called bandit. Poor Juice WRLD is getting sued by a lot of people.
Why. He had this big hit lucid dreams which samples sting. He cleared the sting sample
but now the pop punk band yellow card is suing him. Oh no. I say I don't need no molly to
be savage. When I'm on that molly I feel savage. Incorrigible. I'm the definition of a bandit.
I don't need no molly to be savage. Juice WRLD was not allowed to listen to rap as a
child but he was allowed to listen to rock and pop music he found on video games such
as Tony Hawk's Pro Skater and Guitar Hero introducing him to artists such as Billy Idol
Blink 182 Black Sabbath Fall Out Boy Megadeth and Panic at the Disco. Megadeth is deep.
I loved Guitar Hero when that first came out. I think Vampire Weekend was eventually in
Guitar Hero but maybe eventually everything like you could just buy any song you wanted
for Guitar Hero but we were definitely in this game called Just Dance 2 which actually
any TC heads who first heard Vampire Weekend from Just Dance 2 hit us up because you know
this is back in the day you get these like hilariously bad deals for video games but
you'd kind of just be like well whatever maybe don't introduce people to the music because
you'd be like you know you get an advance of like 200 bucks and a per unit royalty of
.000 and you'd just be kind of like alright whatever. You'd kind of expect you'd never
get a check and then I remember like a few years later like the label was like got a
decent check off Just Dance 2 and we're like really? We never get video game checks and
they're like it became one of the best selling games of the decade. And still you know we
get this tiny royalty it's not like we raked it in or anything but I just remember being
like oh damn like so probably millions of people heard us for the first time in that
video game but then I haven't heard about it lately. Back to 1972 the number 3 song
is The Spinners I'll Be Around.
Classic. Oh yeah. So cool. Little harpsichord. Is that harpsichord? It might just be the
guitar. But doubling the guitar for the lower thing? Sounds like a keyboard. It could be
a clav maybe. That classic blending. You gotta get to the bottom of that Billy Joel arrangement.
Right.
That's a cool song.
That super prominent hand drum in the left ear.
It doesn't change at all does it? Yeah the groove. Except for the I'll be around. Oh
yeah. But yeah the groove very constant. That bass is crazy. That's gotta be one of these
like famous session basses. Just like so confident. Great bass line. Great arrangement. Back to
our day 2019. I feel like we haven't actually heard this one maybe once. Post Malone Circles.
I'm not supposed to. I just can't stop making hits. I've been hearing this one around. This
one's a little indie. A little Mac DeMarco. A little Blind Melon. A little jangly. Turn
it up. Post Malone's Bud Light Bar Dive Tour where he debuted this song he said it's a
little f***ing different. It's got a f***ing fat groove. Post Malone is currently being
featured on cans of Bud Light which are currently on sale in 15 cities in Texas. Malone called
the cans f***ing epic. That's tight. Post was cool selling to the drug industry. Oh
yeah. Post Malone and Helen Reddy very different artists. Oh yeah. Yeah this is a good song.
You know who talked s*** about Budweiser on this very show? Huey Lewis. That's true. It's
like Budweiser sucks. I was surprised by that. Does Budweiser suck? You drink beer Jake.
You're a real beer drinker. I'm more of a martini guy. Right. You know I'm kind of off
the bud. It's real like in your 20s. Yeah. I'm more on the Pacifico, Modelo. Okay what's
your favorite American beer? Great question. Maybe like a Lagunitas. You know what? Sierra
Nevada. Actually I want to get back on this. That says on the show that I want to try to
get Mountain Brews a sink. Like for Sierra Nevada or something? Yeah but I also have
another idea that's like we go straight to Jake and you do a campaign for like Modelo
or Pacifico or something or Corona and it's like a picture of you like in your studio.
Yeah actually it's a Norman Rockwell painting of you painting a Jake Longstreth painting
and reaching for Pacifico and says this is like Mad Men era type print advertising. American
painter. Mexican beer. Wow. Sierra Nevada I am available. Sierra Nevada is American?
Yes. Out of Chico, California. Okay so they can have Mountain Brews in their commercial.
I mean it's Sierra Nevada. It's like Mountain Brews is perfect for that. Right and then
one of the Mexican beers can have my print campaign. Yes. American painter Mexican beer.
Open for biz. You know when we were in Colorado when we were ending that tour in Colorado
at some point we were like driving around and people were talking about times they'd
been to like breweries or something in Colorado and at some point somebody was like what's
the story with Coors? Like do you think it's still American owned or something? And then
I looked it up and like I don't know if it's still like if he's the CEO or just the chairman
but it's like Ted Coors or something is still like big in the company. Really? An actual
Coors. So it hasn't been sold to like InBev or whatever? It didn't seem to. But at the
very least there's still Coors family representation in the company. That's nice. Here's another
idea. Spinoff of Succession. Succession colon Coors. You could do so many Succession spinoffs
about just like real companies. Yeah. The Coors family fortune. Taco Bell Succession.
What was the guy's name? Glenn. Glenn Bell. Glenn Bell. Oh yeah like a period piece. It's
set in the 70s. Yeah. Dad's thinking about selling to PepsiCo. The three Bell children.
You know like there's like the Kendall who's like wants to keep the company, wants to take
over. Yeah. Then there's like the Roman who's just like sell to PepsiCo. Yeah. They have
the network. They have the infrastructure, the capital. And then Shiv is vegan. Shiv
is a vegan activist and then she comes back in. She starts Del Taco, rival chain. Yeah.
Which initially vegetarian. Quickly sold out though. Shiv is tour managing Morrissey and
she's vegan. She brokers a sit down between Glenn Bell and Morrissey. Back to 1972 the
number three song then Lobo. I'd love you to want me now. I know I want you to want
me. The album is called Of a Simple Man. Who is Lobo? Are they country? I'm thinking of
country rock. Well there's Poco is country rock. Lobo I think is also sort of like poppy.
Lobo is a person. His real name is Roland Kent Lavoie. Oh Lavoie began his music career
as a member of the Rumors. The band included Graham Parsons and Jim Stafford. It's a little
more of like a Brad vibe. Oh this is I'd love you to want me. It's so early 70s. It's also
very we had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun. Who's that? Terry Jax. Deep.
What you tried so not to show. Something in my soul just cries. Actually this sounds like
it'd be in a Burger King commercial. You know what I mean? Like there's that era of Burger
King commercials that are all 70s music. Ooh that's real Eagles though. Yeah. Yeah this
is a Burger King commercial from 2006. A guy's about to marry a vegan chick and then his
groomsmen rush him out of there to the nearest Burger King. She's crying. All the people
at the wedding are like what the f***. It's like in slow motion. He just like jumps over
the cake and like smashes it. He's just like chowing down on the double whopper. Cause
you're a f***ing man. You'd never let your feelings show. The obligation that you made.
You know this kind of has like a um. All I want is the air that I breathe. Oh yeah Hollies
yeah. I'm actually feeling this song. Oh yeah it's great. I'd love you to want me. The way
that I want you. The way that it should be. Baby. You'd love me to want you. The way that
I want to. Yeah this is a beautiful song. Great palette. Tasteful. Ooh get it. Seinfeld
can you get a number crunch that's ever been in a commercial? Has Cheap Trick covered this
song? Well they have. I want you to want me. It's a different song. They have I want you
to want me. Cause that was in a Diet Coke commercial. Also has like a Bee Gees feel.
Yeah this is beautiful. This is a beautiful song. This could be a Cat Stevens song too.
Very different vocal but kind of wild world vibe. I see the want in your blue eyes. Baby.
I'd love you to want me. The way that I want you. I think the car manufacturer Isuzu. Isuzu?
Oh wait. No I spoke too soon. My bad. I'd love an Isuzu. Would you like an Isuzu? Oh
wait wait wait. What is it Tata Indica? What is that? Wait Tata there's the Indian car
manufacturer. So they used this song in one of their first ads. Oh okay. The Tata family
is one of the richest families in India. Oh deep. Succession colon Tata. Now the number
two song back in 2019. Tones and I. Okay new artist alert. This is the Isuzu new artist
alert. Every time we get an artist we've never talked about on Time Crisis. Isuzu will donate
seventy five dollars to a children's hospital. So Tones and I. The song's called Dance Monkey.
Tones and I aka Tony Watson is a singer songwriter from Victoria Australia on a trip to Byron
Bay in early 2019. She took a chance at busking which was successful. Early 2018. Early 2018.
When she returned from Byron Bay she quit her retail job to pursue a full time music
career. We want to hear more about this retail job. This is also just like very 2019. Back
in 1972 if your name was Tony Watson he would be like amazing name. You must be a pop star.
Whereas today. I don't know the gender. Tony Watson has to become Tones and I. One more
thing about the Elton John book. It's also funny to think like I kind of get it but it's
a major turning point in his life where he changed his name to Elton John. That's actually
a pretty funny story. So his real name is Reginald Dwight. And he was just like he's
like Reg Dwight man. Such a shitty name. I can never be a pop star called Reg Dwight.
And I'm just kind of like all right. I don't know why not. And then he was in another band
and he just had this turning point on tour where he's just like I'm sick of this. He's
like I got to get out on my own. He looks around in the van or whatever. One of the
guys names Elton another guy's name is John. He's like I'm gonna be Elton John. No way.
And they're just like dude. Get out of here. Get the f*** out of here Reg. And then he
became Elton John. Oh my God. That's so funny. My solo artist name is Jake Seinfeld.
So anyway here's Tones and I with their new hit Dance Monkey. This went number one in Australia.
Her vocal style is very influenced by Sia right. Good call.
Is she going to say monkey in the song?
I guess Dance Monkey's not in the chorus. Just dance for me?
So she's a monkey trainer in the song right?
She's talking to the monkey?
She's the monkey.
Wait because somebody's telling her to dance?
Yes. I thought she was a monkey trainer.
No she used to work retail.
Oh that's right. That's right. I missed that.
When she returned from Brian Bray she quit her job as a monkey trainer.
Well Tones and I you're off to a great start. Number one in Australia. Welcome to the jungle.
One week short of finishing her degree in zoology.
All right shout out to Tones and I. It's nice to get some new blood in the top five. I mean
no disrespect but Post Malone, Justin Bieber, I feel like we've been talking about these guys for years.
Kind of old hat at this point.
Johnny Nash number two 1972. Oh no number one actually.
God 72 is crushing.
Yeah 70. This has been a particularly good 70s one. Johnny Nash I can see clearly now. Great song.
This is the first reggae song to ever hit number one on the Hot 100.
Although Johnny Nash is from Texas but whatever he went to Jamaica to record the song and this is a reggae song.
And then in the 90s Jimmy Cliff recorded a version for the film Cool Runnings. That's a good movie.
And he had another hit with it.
I love that Johnny Nash is from Texas.
I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
I literally thought of this as a reggae song.
It's not too...
It's not like...
But it is the groove.
Yeah for sure.
He's got such a beautiful voice. Such a great vocal performance.
It's gonna be a bright bright bright sunshiny day.
I think I can make it now the pain is gone.
All of the bad feelings have disappeared.
I bet Paul Simon liked this song.
I think this is still after Mother and Child Reunion.
I think it's like two years later.
I guess Mother and Child Reunion didn't go to number one.
This part is not very reggae.
I wonder if he recorded the rhythm tracks in Jamaica and then brought this back to LA.
Like Capitol Studios and they...
Somebody over-tugged all the horns.
That part's crazy.
It's funny. This is one of those songs...
Of course I know the verse so well.
I couldn't have given you that bridge if you paid me.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Weird synth in there.
Yeah, cool fuzz.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.
Oh yeah.
Like a mood or...
Yeah yeah.
Bright bright bright sunshiny day.
Johnny Nash. Straight out of Texas.
The number one song right now on the Billboard Hot 100
is that new-ish Travis Scott "Highest in the Room".
You've heard this once, right?
Oh yeah.
Damn, Travis Scott hurt himself performing at the Rolling Loud Festival in Queens.
He seriously injured his knee.
And he's on stage and said, "I think I just broke my knee right now, but the show cannot stop.
Nothing can ever stop this show."
And he performed the final song with a knee brace.
Jesus.
Don't want to laugh at a guy's injury, but...
Knee braces.
That's hardcore.
Would you continue the show?
If I broke my knee?
I don't think so.
I still think it's gotta be so painful.
Yeah.
God, it's so painful.
Waves crashing on the beach.
Yeah, this is a good song.
I've heard it enough that I feel like I know it now.
Jake, you ever been the highest in the room?
No, I'm not much of a weed guy.
You ever been the drunkest in the room?
I don't know.
Probably.
It's funny, like...
Not very often, though.
It'd be so much harsher if it was called "drunkest in the room".
Like, being the highest in the room, obviously the word "high", there's the double meaning of it.
So it kind of... to be like very high is also to be exalted or whatever.
And yet, being the highest in the room is like, "Whoa, maybe you're seeing things other people aren't seeing."
You're on some other plane, dude.
But it's like, "Get out of here. I'm the drunkest in the room."
That's just so embarrassing.
Jesus, dude. Keep it together.
Yeah.
Yo, can you guys get Travis out of here?
He's being super loud.
He's sh*t-faced.
No, don't get me wrong. He's a sweetheart when he's drunk.
I mean, just a gem of a guy, but man, his energy.
"I'm the drunkest in the room."
Dude, it's 3 in the morning.
I think he's gonna throw up soon.
Yeah.
I think Travis is gonna puke on the couch.
"I'm the drunkest..."
Just some disgusting frat somewhere.
It's like, "Dude, this year for the pledge song, we're doing a parody of 'Highest in the Room' called 'Drunkest in the Room'."
That's tight, man.
Wow, you guys are super creative.
"And then a Sigma knew.
'Cause we're the drunkest in the room!"
Jesus.
Picturing the YouTube video of that.
"You cannot step to Sigma Nu!"
Just some real pasty, beefy, sweaty, round guys.
"I'm the drunkest in the room!"
Jesus.
There probably is some frat rapper out there working on your mixtape.
Free idea.
"You cannot step to Sigma Nu, 'cause we're the drunkest in the room."
"We're?"
All of us.
No, it's gang vocals.
That's so harsh.
Some dialogue at the beginning.
Oh my god.
Bro, you get the keg.
Bro, look at that keg.
Sigma Nu always has the biggest kegs.
Bro, vodka shots right now, dog.
Jello shots.
Also, you know there's that whole-
This is a real boozy.
Yeah, that's true.
Drunk crisis.
Jesus.
"I'm the drunkest in the room."
It also-
That is so harsh.
There's that whole genre of video, some of which are surprisingly well made, where it's
like the school or the class or the company does their parody song.
You definitely see some of those on Catatonic Youth.
Oh yeah.
Which I think you showed me.
But there's so many of those, and there's one that somebody showed me from- that was
posted on the Catatonic Youth's great account that was a bunch of real estate agents in
Denver.
Maybe it's just because the last US trip, I keep referring back to our Red Rocks trip,
but I just remember walking around Denver and I couldn't get it out of my head where it's
like it's a Fresh Prince parody and it's all the real estate agents out there.
It's like, "Well, this is a story all about how the real estate market turned upside down."
And the best part is that they go, "Nah, nah, nah, just sit there."
About how to sell real estate and tackle Denver.
It's some shit like that.
It's like-
Very forced rhyme.
About how to get the best price in a town called Denver.
That is so Michael Scott.
Maybe we gotta play a little bit of that more.
Yeah, let's hear that.
Oh yeah, it's super office.
There's a lot of pushback I guess, because they deleted it maybe because people were
calling it an ad for gentrification.
Have you noticed those billboards around town that say, "Gentrification sucks"?
Oh yeah.
It's like on a license plate.
I've had a lot of questions about that.
Yeah, because it's just like in Silver Lake or something.
Well, and it's paid for by the AHF, which is an AIDS organization.
So it's not exactly like on message, but there's a whole lot of interesting stuff about that
organization.
"Kentwood Real Estate has cut ties with its self-proclaimed number one selling team of
agents in Denver.
Their hit video bragged about selling luxury homes in Denver, a city obviously struggling
with a housing crisis and gentrification that's displacing communities of color."
Now this is a story all about how we turn the real estate market upside down.
And we'd like to take a moment, just sit right there.
We'll tell you how we sell the homes in a town called Denver.
We pulled up to the office about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the city, "Your homes sell you
later."
We looked at our empire, we were finally there.
Team Denver Homes takes the throne in Denver.
Team Denver Homes initially defended this video.
The partner who leads the office, Moore Zucker, told me that she didn't know why people would
be upset by it.
She acknowledged that their team on camera and off doesn't include any people of color,
but she added that she does have friends who are.
She also said that she is basically a minority because she's Jewish.
The video was taken down and apologies were offered.
But today, Little Man Ice Cream, the shop prominently featured in the video, said that
that video crew tricked its way onto their property, falsely claiming that they had permission.
This evening, Kenwood Real Estate said that they were dropping Team Denver Homes.
[clip]
Yeah, we're not into gentrification.
Yeah, you're a big real estate company.
Like, right.
You can throw them under the bus because they're particularly lame, but you're
probably doing the exact same thing.
And also like the parts of Denver that they're walking around
are clearly already gentrified.
So I can just picture the person who owns the ice cream store being like, well, my
artisanal ice cream store that I opened in a formerly poor neighborhood.
Uh, yeah, that's not gentrification.
Not like these guys.
I'm just saying, I think there's probably a lot of hypocrisy.
That doesn't mean they're it's wrong.
It's all wrong, but yeah, I mean, bottom line, that video rules.
Like, yeah, you guys are all gentrifiers.
At least they can rap in a town called Denver.
It's funny.
I never knew that.
That's such a hilarious, like extra layer of the story to be like, you see this
lame video and you're just like, Oh, come on.
And then you're like, wow, these people got fired.
That sucks.
Yeah.
I'm curious, the bigger company that can these people, please give me any evidence
of that larger company somehow has like kind vibe, anti gentrification policies.
Change their policies.
Cause I've never heard of a major real estate agent company in like a big city
like that, who doesn't love gentrification, love the chance to sell more luxury condos.
Okay.
The next episode, we're going to be really digging into the dirt
on the Denver real estate market.
But no, but I have definitely heard that car has got some major issues because
even though they legalized weed, the rate of like black people still getting
arrested for weed is like still super out of whack, but it's legal.
Oh, we'd totally legal in Colorado.
But people are arrested, you know, there's rules over a certain amount or something.
Yeah.
That's another thing about Bernie.
No waffling, just straight up.
Marijuana should be legal.
Yeah.
He's not a stoner.
Is he the only one on the den side?
That's no, I feel like other people have said it, but he's like, he just
has like a forcefulness about it.
Where he's like, marijuana should be legal.
There should be, you know, amnesty for blah, blah.
God, the idea that there's anybody sitting in prison for weed is such a,
it's such a travesty and obviously the vast majority of those people
are black and Hispanic.
It's so up.
It makes my blood boil.
God, so many good reasons to vote for Bernie.
Shout out to Bernie Denver.
Get your act together.
This has been time crisis.
See you in two weeks for grateful giving.
Remember we rebranded Thanksgiving.
Do some research.
Time crisis with Ezra King.
Be be be be be be be small.
♪ Three, one ♪
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