Episode 107: Grammys, Garcia and Goose
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Time Crisis, back one more time for 2019.
That's right, it's the final show of the season.
The gang unites for one last episode where we talk about everything from Fish to Goose
to the Grateful Dead, plus a rundown of this year's Grammys.
All that, plus the ongoing fall of Seinfeld.
This is Time Crisis with Ezra King.
B-B-B-B-B-B-Beast War One.
Time Crisis, back once again.
We got just about everybody in the room.
Full house.
Seinfeld back.
Hey, what's up?
[laughs]
Everybody's here.
You know, just before we get into the topics of the day,
we got a lot to catch up on because we had some banked eps.
Right.
We had Gratefulsgiving.
Wasn't there something in that episode which we recorded a few weeks ago?
We talked about how Thanksgiving, the word is played out, thankful is played out,
and grateful is a much deeper word.
And then wasn't there something that Trump said some nutty thing about how people don't like the name Thanksgiving?
Oh, yeah.
What did he say?
I missed that.
Oh, wow.
Trump claims that some people want to change the name of Thanksgiving.
Oh, and those people are like bad liberals, like his enemies?
Yeah.
So Washington Post said that Trump at his rally around the end of November
declared he would resist efforts by "some people" to change the name of Thanksgiving.
Whoa, subtweet.
Whoa.
That's completely you.
Is he talking about people who are like kind of calling it out similarly to Columbus Day maybe
to recognize indigenous people?
I'm sure that's what it is.
He's like vague as ever.
Or he might be talking about Gratefulsgiving.
He said people have different ideas why it shouldn't be called Thanksgiving,
but everybody in this room knows that I know loves the name Thanksgiving, and we're not changing it.
That actually sounds like more like it's directed at us because people who want to cancel Thanksgiving,
so to speak, and say this should be understandably a supportive--
people who say we should recognize this as an indigenous people's day,
they're not talking about renaming Thanksgiving.
They're talking about ending Thanksgiving.
The only people I've heard about who are talking about renaming Thanksgiving are us.
That's true.
Who wants to, I mean, end it?
I mean it's a day off from work.
It's fun to, like, cook food with your family, right?
Who wants to end it?
That's not--
Well--
That's not fun.
It is a Native American issue.
Apparently some Native Americans would like to change the name to National Day of Mourning.
I understand that perspective because if you're going to call it National Day of Mourning,
it doesn't make a lot of sense to be like,
"All right, but we can still get the family together to throw on the game and cook up some good food."
It's like--
On this National Day of Mourning?
Yeah.
You kind of got to move the day off from work to a different day, I think.
Yeah.
I feel that.
Anyway, I was just telling Jake before you got here, Seinfeld, that I was just texting with CT
because we're talking about this Jerry Garcia auction happening.
Oh, what's on the block?
Well, it's a lot of comic books.
The first few lots are comic books.
These are a lot of 1950s comics.
Was he a big collector?
Seems like it.
He had 45 issues of EC Comics' The Haunt of Fear.
Oh, yeah, there's a bunch of Mad magazines.
That's kind of tight.
Okay, I can see that a little more.
Vault of Horror.
Weird Science and Weird Science Fantasy.
Tales from the Crypt.
I mean, this could be cool, a Jerry Garcia group of 39 underground comics
because that's kind of his era, you know, like Zap, R. Crumb, the funky San Francisco stuff.
I think the big thing people are excited about is one of his guitars called Alligator.
But there's some cool stuff in here.
How about this, Jake?
A Jerry Garcia two-sided test pressing for working man's debt.
They think that might only go for $200 to $400.
Is there a buy now price?
I don't think they do buy now.
Wait, check this out, Jake.
A Jerry Garcia gold sales award for the Grateful Dead album Europe 72.
Expected to go between $6,000 and $8,000.
Oh, this is funny.
Now a gold record is $500,000 sales.
Or now there's equivalents with streams.
But back in the day, I'm zooming in on it, it says,
"Presented to Jerry Garcia to commemorate the sale of more than $1 million worth
of the Warner Brothers Records long-playing record album Europe 72."
Just straight up cash.
I wonder what that retailed for back in '72, '73.
Double record?
I think it was a triple.
Oh, you're right.
It was a triple.
That's a lot.
I'm going to guess $699 back in '72, '73.
That's a lot of sales.
This is pretty cool.
A Jerry Garcia test pressing for the album Garcia.
Annotated on the cover with a drawing in Garcia's hand.
They're thinking this is going to be $1,500 to $2,500.
It's like some little Jerry doodles.
And then a test pressing of Garcia.
I don't get the rock ephemera thing.
Well, are you a collector of anything?
I have been.
When I was a kid, baseball cards and comics.
Well, Jake, also when I was talking about how there are a lot of Jerry Garcia's comics
going up for auction, Jake made a joke about a 1990 copy of Punisher War Journal
belonging to Jerry Garcia.
And I was really taken aback because Punisher War Journal is a hyper-specific ref.
I loved it when I was a kid.
Because everybody knows Punisher, Frank Castle.
And his renowned chain of burgers.
His renowned chain of burgers.
Punisher burgers.
But so, Jake, you were reading.
Let me get a number crunch on what Punisher War Journal is.
Is it a limited series?
I think it's like Frank Miller.
It ran for years.
But you specifically were into Punisher colon War Journal.
The art was better.
Oh, yeah?
Whoever drew the Punisher War Journal was much better than Punisher.
Is that what got you thinking about becoming an artist?
Oh, yeah.
Comic books?
That was your first love?
Like copying from comic books?
Copying from Punisher War Journal.
No joke.
Wait.
What was the last show called?
The Nino Meyer show?
Brick and Mortar.
That was called Brick and Mortar.
Next show, Jake Longstreth, War Journal.
Punisher War Journal is the name of two comic book series from Marvel.
Both centered around, obviously, The Punisher.
First volume ran from '88 to '95.
And then they did another series.
Hell of a run.
2007 to 2009.
So you liked Punisher War Journal.
You didn't like the more fantastical superheroes?
No, no, no.
I'm a hard realist.
You know that.
No superpowers.
You just want machine guns.
Yeah.
Raw violence.
Absolutely.
No.
You notice that the series ran until '95.
Pretty deep.
Were you with it up to the end?
Well, I mean, maybe Jerry was a huge head.
No.
The same year he died.
Word got back that he died.
And the creators of Punisher War Journal were like, we're shutting this down.
That'd be tight.
That'd be so amazing.
The complete Punisher War Journal first run from Jerry Garcia's archives.
And then you flip open each one and just delicate handwriting.
Him in his late 40s, early 50s, write, "Please return to Jerry Garcia."
Address, Marin County, CA.
♪ Please don't dominate the rap track ♪
♪ If you got nothing new to say ♪
♪ If you please don't back up the track ♪
♪ This train's got to run today ♪
♪ I spent a little time on the mountain ♪
♪ Spent a little time on the hill ♪
♪ I heard some say better run away ♪
♪ Others say better stand still ♪
♪ Now I don't know ♪
♪ But I've been told it's hard to run with the weight of gold ♪
♪ On a hill I heard him say ♪
♪ It's just as hard with the weight of lead ♪
The only comics they're putting up in this auction are from the 50s and 60s,
but I do love this idea that Jerry was keeping up with Punisher War Journal up until the end.
Punisher War Journal is just like such an intense name.
It's a great name.
This kind of makes me want to read Punisher War Journal, because I was the opposite.
I think I've said this before on the program that I was such a big X-Men fan,
kind of to the exclusion of all other--
Did you collect?
Yeah.
You still have them?
I think they're in my parents' houses. I got to get them.
Ezra Koenig auction.
I had the complete run of something called The Age of Apocalypse,
which was a very fascinating moment when--
It's kind of convoluted, and maybe it played out in some of the movies,
but basically Professor X's son goes back in time and kills him,
creating a new timeline where Professor X, having died,
kind of anti-mutant sentiment takes over part of the world,
but also the mutants led by Apocalypse take over another part.
It's cool. It's like an alternate universe, and like Magneto's a good guy.
Anyway, it was a limited run across all the X-Men properties.
Shout-out to anybody who worked on The Age of Apocalypse.
But I was so into X-Men because I liked the vibe,
and I thought the way that they dealt with the concept of superpowers
made a lot of sense, but I'd see Punisher, and I'd just be like,
"This is mindless violence."
Bleak.
Maybe now that I'm older, I understand that Punisher had a more accurate worldview.
You understood that.
Well, yeah. I mean, he was just a vigilante.
It was just raw sorrow that drove him.
You know one thing that I've been thinking?
This is classic TC, just picking up on an ice-cold news story.
Let's crack that open.
Maybe we talk about this a little bit on the show,
but you know there's this whole thing that Martin Scorsese said
he didn't like Marvel movies, and it upended American society.
It really did.
For about a month.
Fully agree with the man.
Everybody knows about this.
And then--
This is ice-cold, by the way.
Yeah.
Although it was reignited a little bit because the Irishman finally hit Netflix.
Right.
So people were so infuriated.
And to be fair to the offended parties, Scorsese didn't just say, "They're not for me."
He said, "They're not cinema," whatever that means.
So you could understand--
He means like they're not high art.
Yeah, he said they're like theme parks.
Right.
Which isn't the worst diss in the world.
People like theme parks.
Absolutely.
He could have said, "They're garbage. Theme parks are fun."
But so people got so upset, and it became this whole thing,
and then I feel like they were dragging Coppola into the mix.
It became a thing that every serious director has to be asked about it,
and then the directors of the Marvel movies were so offended.
James Gunn, who directed Guardians of the Galaxy,
he tweeted or posted something about how disappointed he was.
Hey, I worked hard on that.
Kind of.
And then the Irishman came out.
Yeah, now it's payback time, Marty.
And from what I understand--
I actually haven't seen this with my own eyes,
but I've seen a lot of people saying, "Oh, my God. Film Twitter is a mess,"
because the Irishman--also now anybody can watch it
because it's streaming on Netflix.
So, you know, let's say you were offended by Marty's comments before.
You might just not go see the film.
But now it's a perfect storm because all these aggrieved Marvel fans
can throw on the first 15 minutes of Irishman just enough that they can say,
"I tried to watch it, but that guy [bleep] sucks."
But I just had a thought, and I'm sure somebody must have said this,
and I'm surprised that this wasn't a bigger part of it.
And maybe this is on Scorsese.
He didn't know what he was getting into, and even in his op-ed,
he didn't define his terms very clearly.
But I think the easiest argument for why you might call a Scorsese movie cinema
and a Marvel movie not cinema would just be that I like stories
about people with the capacities and abilities of normal humans.
Because the truth is--
Yeah, that's very my vibe.
That doesn't neglect fantasy or sci-fi.
You could make a movie that takes place on Mars.
Humans have never set foot on Mars.
Martian, great film.
Yeah.
You could make a movie about people going to a place that humans have never been at,
but you just don't give them superpowers.
I actually buy that as an argument.
I'm not saying I fully agree with it, but you could make the case that to him,
the definition of cinemas--and he did say something.
It's about real human emotions and relationships.
He could say, "I just find the superpowers part muddies the waters a bit."
And he could say--you know, it's the same reason why people at first
were so into Game of Thrones.
They're like, "Okay, there are dragons.
It does take place in a fantastical realm, but they're real people dealing with real [bleep]."
And for the most part, they are just normal human beings.
Sure.
There's the White Walkers and stuff, but the people are--
Mortal.
Their people are mortal.
I'd buy that.
I'm not saying you can't read into a Marvel movie and take away--find something
that speaks to your humanity, but I could understand that as to draw a line in the sand
and say, "I like human relationships where they're mere mortals."
What about Joker?
It's a superhero movie, but he doesn't have any special powers.
That's cinema.
Oh, and it's an homage to Scorsese.
Mr. Scorsese, have you seen Joker?
I'm sure there are so many tweets like that.
Mr. Scorsese, I implore you to see Joker.
It is interesting--maybe this is a coincidence, but Batman is the only superhero that's purely
just a mortal human with no superpowers, and all those movies were made by auteur filmmakers--
Tim Burton, Christopher Nolan, whoever else.
I don't know.
But those are the two big ones.
That's a good point.
I don't know.
Recently--guys, we're just catching you up on the past three months of comic book movie discourse.
Really, the last 30 years.
Kind of the last 30 years.
Because I also saw there was some tweet that, again, people were fighting about, and who
knows if this is even true, that said the DCU--it really should be the DCCU, right?
Because it's the Marvel Cinematic Universe and DC Comics.
It should be the DC Cinematic Universe.
Or it should be the DCCCU.
The D-double-C-U?
D-triple-C.
Triple-C.
Oh, the D-triple-C.
So the D-triple-C--
You.
The DC Comics have said that they don't know what to do with Superman.
And it's interesting that DC has Batman and Superman because they're opposites.
Right.
Batman is as mortal as it gets, whereas Superman is kind of like the--you know, as the name
implies, he's almost like the purest superhero.
And he has an interesting backstory.
He's an orphan.
He's an immigrant.
Had a hard life.
He's had a hard life.
But his powers are just, like, so out of control powerful.
Tough to relate.
Yeah.
Never was a fan of Superman.
Yeah, there's something about it that's not--
Just--it's corny, it's wholesome, it's aspirational.
I don't like it.
And I saw some people being like, "Well, oh, you're telling me that Superman, an orphaned
immigrant in a society that doesn't understand him, people can't relate to that?"
And I was kind of thinking, like, "Yeah, I don't think so."
I think he probably--there have been so many movies that deal with those issues probably
a little more accurately.
You know a movie that deals with the immigrants making their way into a society that doesn't
understand them?
The Irishman.
Oh, yeah.
Did you like The Irishman, Ezra?
Did you see it?
I loved it.
Yeah.
I saw it in the theater.
It was great.
Yeah, I saw it in the theater, too.
Which you kind of need to do.
I would have stopped it, like, four times if I watched it at home.
I know.
And I will watch it again at some point, but I will also stop it four times.
I can't imagine just watching that on your laptop.
Like, holding a [bleep]
Yeah.
Like, in the theater, the last hour, I was just holding a [bleep]
And then just--but, like, doing that at home would be so tight.
Just, like, pushing start, not going to stop it.
Babe, I'm watching The Irishman.
Don't open the door.
Do not open the door.
And if you see me open the door to use the bathroom--
Reprimand me.
Reprimand.
You forgot Iron Man, also, is a man--a superhero without the superpowers.
Oh, it's just the suit?
It's--yeah, he's-- Robert Downey Jr. doesn't have any special, like, radioactive blood or anything like that.
Right.
He has money. He's like Batman.
Right, he kind of is. Yeah, you're right.
There is something interesting about Iron Man, I guess.
Yeah, he seems like a Batman ripoff, though.
Rich guy with, like, technological tools at his disposal.
He does it himself, though. He does it. He's got the engineering skills.
He's not like Alfred. Like, who makes Batman?
No, it's like Morgan Freeman makes all of Batman's special tech.
Right.
And then, you know, you got Downey Jr.'s in there with his elbow, you know, his sleeves rolled up, turning screws and--
Yeah, elbow grease.
Yeah, yeah, putting in some classic elbow grease.
This is full comics talk.
I mean, we got into this because of Jerry's collection.
Okay, right. So, actually, it's pretty connected to classic TC stuff.
Well, also, when you look through Jerry's collection--
It does go back to the Grateful Dead, so don't worry, listeners of the show.
Look, I'm not saying that this is indicative of Jerry's entire comic collection,
because for all we know, they've been doing, you know, auctioning this stuff off little by little.
Big fan of Wolverine.
Wolverine is tight because he's almost a normal guy just with claws.
But I--
Big fan of Spawn.
But actually, when you look through Jerry's collection--
It's the funny stuff.
Well, it's funny stuff, but it's also, like, shock, suspense, it's also just, like, classic, like, horror and gore.
It's not that specific superhero genre. I'm not seeing a lot of superheroes in here.
You see some Spider-Man in there?
Oh, I didn't see this one.
Okay, I was totally wrong. I missed this lot.
There's so many lots of his comics.
Why would you want this?
Because you're a Grateful Dead fan, Jake, which I thought you were.
Okay, so there is a lot--
It's so removed from his artistic achievement at that point.
It's just sort of like, "Jerry's cookbook collection. Jerry's copy of Joy of Cooking. Cool."
I mean, it helps you understand where he was coming from, you know?
This is his--
"Jerry's copy of the Oxford English Dictionary."
There you go.
With the little magnifying glass included.
"Lot 312 in this auction is a Jerry Garcia group of 66 assorted DC/Marvel comics, 1960s through 1980s."
I want to know about that '80s stuff.
Wait. Okay, in the picture, you can see Spider-Man, there is some Captain America.
That could totally be a dead song, "Captain America."
Oh, yeah, like in U.S. blues?
Yeah.
♪ Captain America ♪
♪ Captain America ♪
I feel like this one might be Alpha Force, which is really--
Do you know who Alpha Force is?
No, what's that?
They were like the Canadian Avengers.
Oh, wait. You got Doctor Strange, John Carter, Amazing Spider-Man, Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, Marvel Team-Up, Solo Adventures, Conan the Barbarian, Alpha Flight.
Yeah, Alpha Flight was the Canadian Avengers.
Manhunter 2070, Swamp Thing, Green Lantern, and Strange Sports.
Okay, so Jerry was a full-on comic, too.
Strange Sports? Is it a precursor to Juice Island?
Strange Sports, man.
Too bad Jerry is not allowed to chime in on the Scorsese-Marvel thing.
Jerry, what do you think about this?
Oh, man.
You know what, man? Movies are movies.
One of these Canadian Avengers turns into a Sasquatch?
I think I had one or two Alpha Flight comics, and I remember being like, "This sucks, but it's kind of hilarious that it exists."
I think one of the guys has a big maple leaf on his outfit.
I think that's the leader of the crew.
Wait, what are the names of the people in Alpha Flight?
It's Guardian, North Star, Aurora, Sasquatch, Shaman, and Snowbird.
Those last two characters are native Canadians.
Very cultural.
Oh, indigenous people.
Indigenous.
I wonder if they ever get into that.
I mean, there's an Inuit demi-goddess from Yellowknife?
This is deep.
All just fighting to protect the interests of Canada?
I don't know what their mission is, yeah.
I wonder if a hardcore Canadian comics person is just like, "You know what? Alpha Flight's for Americans."
We never felt like that depicted our true indigenous superhero culture.
Jake, would you be interested in a piece of art that Jerry made?
I'd have to see it.
Oh, here.
Yeah, there's a bunch of drawings and stuff.
Hard pass.
This, to me, is the strangest thing I've seen.
He has a signed photograph of Larry Bird.
Oh, yeah. I did see that.
But that's interesting.
You're basically selling someone else's memorabilia.
That's sports memorabilia.
It's not Jerry Garcia memorabilia.
But it's signed to Jerry.
What does it say?
"Dear Jerry."
It says, "To Jerry. Best, Larry Bird."
That's a cool hangout.
Yeah.
Bird and Garcia.
Because in the Dead, didn't we read about this or something?
Like, the Dead went to see the Celtics practice.
Because of Bill Walden?
Right. Okay.
There's also a pair of Grateful Dead shorts.
Probably the most hilarious thing in the lot is just black T-shirt.
Owned and worn by Jerry Garcia.
There's some guitar straps. That's kind of cool.
That I could see more.
How about a Hawaiian shirt owned and worn by Jerry Garcia?
No, man. How much? $800?
A plaid shirt worn by Jerry. $300 to $500?
There's just something about that that's just sad.
A drawing of John Wayne.
Yikes.
I'm not down with this.
This one's kind of funky. A drawing of an alien.
That's kind of cool and weird.
Would you wear the Hawaiian shirt around?
No, I think you've got to get it framed.
Okay, this is it.
This is the black T-shirt.
Black T-shirt owned and worn by Jerry Garcia circa 1990.
They're thinking that's going to go for between $1,000 and $1,500.
Some guy wearing that around and then being like, "Check out my shirt, man."
His friends are like, "Yeah? What's up? You're wearing a black T-shirt? Yeah.
Do you want to know the backstory?"
Sure. Jerry Garcia owned this.
You know what it is? It's John Voight's car.
Right? Totally.
It's a point of pride taken from the previous owner.
Jerry owned this shirt. He wore it in 1990.
Spring '90 to her.
Just waiting for--
Oh, that's cool, man.
Smell it.
How much did you spend on that? $1,000?
[laughter]
Cool, man.
Just waiting for somebody to say, "Yo, dude, what's the backstory on that black T-shirt you're wearing?"
No one would ever ask that question in a million years.
You have to awkwardly bring it up.
What do you guys think of my shirt?
Black shirt.
Is it a black T-shirt?
Well, you know what? If you're a real small skinny dude, because Jerry was on the bigger side in that era--
Oh, there you go.
So you could be this small skinny dude.
You buy this XL black shirt and somebody would be like--
Double XL baggy.
Maybe. Somebody's just like, "Yo, dude."
That's a different look for you.
That's a different look for you. That shirt's huge.
Yeah, it's not originally mine.
Glad you asked.
It's not originally-- No, you could try to be cool about it.
You're just like, "Oh, well, yeah, it's not originally mine.
Somebody a bit bigger than me owned it originally."
Was it your dad's shirt?
Yeah, it was like, "Hand me down for somebody in your family?"
No, no, I've actually never met the person.
But it does have sentimental value.
Yeah, what do you mean? You got it at a thrift store?
Oh, no, no, no. I actually paid $1,000 for this.
Oh, was it like some sort of benefit? Like some sort of charity auction?
It was an auction of sorts.
Why is this person being so coy about it?
Why is it-- Why?
Why all the questions?
I just think because they--
Maybe it's just somebody who's too proud to bring it up themselves.
For you to just drag it out of them.
Yeah.
I think there's also something tight about just walking into somebody's house
and just like with no info just a big black T-shirt framed
in like a gorgeous ornate gold-leafed frame.
Oh, yeah.
Would his DNA have survived on that shirt?
You know, like--
It's very possible.
Wait, are you suggesting we should clone Jerry Garcia?
Maybe I'm suggesting a Jurassic Park-esque premise.
Have we talked about that before?
I think we did the--
Joked about the rock and roll Jurassic Park.
There we go.
Where we clone everybody?
Yeah.
And it's like a bunch of billionaires after dinner and be like,
"Gentlemen, after dinner, Jerry Garcia will be jamming with Jimi Hendrix."
It's like the island of Dr. Moreau or something.
The shirt is tempting.
I think a guitar strap could be cool.
Yeah, the guitar--
It depends how much it is.
Maybe I'm putting a bit on these shorts.
You see these ones?
A pair of Grateful Dead tour shorts because it actually says Grateful Dead on it.
Pretty sick.
Get those framed.
You'd have to wear them, dude.
Play shows and all.
There's mosquitoes on the river.
Fish are rising up like birds.
It's been hot for seven weeks now.
Too hot to even speak now.
Did you hear what I just heard?
Say it might have been the wind.
Or it could have been the wind.
But there seems to be a beatin'.
I can feel it in my feet.
Listen, here it comes again.
There's a band out on the highway.
Their house is hittin' every town.
It's a rainbow full of sun.
It's barbers, galopin', and clowns.
Middle-aged dancing.
Time Crisis on Beats 1.
All right, you know what, everybody?
Strap in.
It's going to be a lot of jam band stuff today.
Shocker, I know.
Well, we've been so dead-centric.
We've never gone too deep.
Dead and twiddle.
Right.
Dead and twiddle show.
Well, by the way, I want to tell the TC community,
I've been telling everybody on our TC text thread,
and I'm sure some people know,
but I've been on tour quite a bit
since the last time we were here together in person.
And off the top of my head,
I can think of at least three Mountain Bruise requests
that we've had.
Incredible.
One was at our only show on this whole tour in Germany,
which was in Cologne, Germany.
And because, you know, we always do a request part of the show now,
and so somebody yelled out Mountain Bruise,
and we're like, oh, whoa,
because we hadn't played that since Red Rocks.
So we're like, let's give it a try.
I think we played about half of it.
And then afterwards I was curious because,
especially in Europe, you know,
Europe people traveling country to country
is not as big a deal as in the U.S.
And then, of course, you know,
when Vampire Weekend plays a show in Europe,
it's mostly like people from the country,
but it's totally classic to be like rolling out of the show,
you know, in Brussels,
and there's like a few Belgian people,
and then they're just like, yo, dude, huge fan.
And just like, where are you from, man?
And just like, oh, you know, yeah, I'm from Jersey.
I'm studying here.
Or, you know, I got a job, whatever.
You know, that happens a lot.
So you never know.
So I was like, oh, Mountain Bruise cover.
I wonder if these people are maybe like, you know,
from the U.S. or something.
So after we played it, I was like,
where are you guys from, by the way?
And they're just like, Frankfurt.
That's epic.
They jumped on the train, rolled out to Cologne for the show,
and requested Mountain Bruise.
Epic.
And then we got a couple at these acoustic shows we did.
Well, I saw clips on Instagram of your Portland performance
of Mountain Bruise.
Yeah.
Sounded great.
It was real reckoning.
Oh, right.
Acoustic and seated.
Oh, yeah.
Brian ripped a great solo, a great acoustic solo.
So anyway, Mountain Bruise is still going strong.
Can't wait for that mountain run next year.
Oh, hell yeah, dude.
The mountain run with Twiddle.
All right, so, Jake, who or what is Goose,
and why are we about to talk to legendary rock journalist
Stephen Hyden about it slashing them?
Goose is a jam band from my home state.
They're from Norwalk, Connecticut.
The much maligned Connecticut.
Yeah, obviously CT has a terrible track record musically.
Oh, wait, by the way, real quick.
So I'm glad that Goose--
Real quick sidebar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I heard a story from our boy Matt,
who works at our management company.
He's part of our management team.
And he checks into TC every now and then.
And he was like, I got to tell you, man,
I had a really weird experience.
I was driving in the car, me and my wife, and I throw it on.
I just heard Jake going off on CT.
I'm dumbfounded, man.
What the hell, man?
And you're sitting there like half agreeing with him.
You occasionally say, well, but I was just like,
what is going on, man?
And then, of course, he realized you were talking about
Connecticut, but he thought you were talking about Chris Tomlin.
What was I saying?
CT is an incredible-- just a thin track record.
I think-- imagine you're just like, CT, musically not up to snuff.
Dropping the article.
Yeah, just like-- yeah, what would you have said that
wouldn't have been clear, but I guess just like--
That's amazing.
--just like, look, man, not a fan of CT.
I got no loyalty to CT.
Sorry if that's controversial, but I'm not down with CT.
And I'm just like, well, you know, I see your point.
CT is weak.
Yeah.
So maybe it was more like 10 seconds of just like, damn.
You're just like, what is going on?
What did CT do to Jake?
Anyway, CT is the initials of Connecticut, not Chris Tomlin.
Oh, my god.
So yeah, you--
That rules.
So you've always gone off about how Connecticut--
Does not pull its weight.
--does not pull its weight in the tri-state area,
which I agree with.
Yeah, I mean, come on, Jersey, New York.
Also, on this last run, I realized I'm a big fan of
Philly and Pennsylvania.
That's tight.
But anyway--
There is a jam band out of Norwalk, Connecticut,
called Goose.
And I didn't-- you know, I don't follow the jam band scene
closely at all.
Stephen Heiden, sort of a friend on Twitter, hit me up.
He's like, are you following Goose?
Because they are like the hot story in the jam band community
in 2019.
And they're from CT.
And so I immediately listened to their new single, "Butter Rum."
[goose honking]
And what was your take?
It has kind of Jamflow Man vibes in that it's like pretty funny,
unclear on the intentionality behind the humor.
It's like catchy.
Well, I think all jam-- part of being a jam band is having
a sense of humor.
I think all the classics do.
Yeah.
So I always feel like if you're unclear about if a jam band
is being a little funny with something,
I usually think they are.
Yeah.
I haven't heard--
No, no, yeah, I hear that.
And you love the name.
Goose is an incredible band name.
That is a sick name.
Goose is sick.
Are you aware that there's another Goose band from Belgium?
Oh, uh-oh.
An electronic rock band.
It sounds like they're a bit of like a European imagination.
Dragons.
Goose versus Goose.
Anyway, I think I just--
I think I just asked Steven if he wanted to call in and--
Well, I'm super curious.
--and just kind of set the record straight about Goose
and hype it up a little bit.
On paper, not having heard the music,
a jam band from Connecticut called Goose is 10 out of 10 for me already.
But let's see what Haydn has to say.
I'm also just curious about--
because we talked about it a little bit with Twiddle,
but the modern jam band scene--
Right.
--I'm so curious about it.
I don't follow this at all,
so I think maybe Steven can like clue us in on like the vibes.
All right, cool.
Now, let's go to the Time Crisis Hotline.
[phone ringing]
Hey, Steven, are you there?
Yeah, I'm here.
Hey, Steven.
Hey, Steven, welcome back to Time Crisis.
Thanks for having me.
I'm excited.
So let's just get right into it, man.
You hit Jake up on Twitter because you thought he'd be interested to know
that there's a poppin' jam band out of Connecticut called Goose.
When did they get on your radar?
I first heard about them, it was probably late summer, early fall.
It just seemed like overnight, like one day I'd never heard of them,
and then the next day, jam band Twitter was like a flutter with Goose talk.
And it's really been like that for the last like three or four months.
They started out almost like a meme,
like where it wasn't clear like whether people actually liked this band
or if they were like making fun of this band.
But I think it's pretty clear at this point that there's like genuine excitement.
They have like a show on like Ducks TV,
like they streamed one of their shows last month.
They're going to be playing the Cancun, Mexico,
like Grateful Dead show that they do like in January.
They're opening for Dead & Co. down in Mexico, down Mexico way?
I think what happens is like the Dead does a show,
and then there's like a late night show after, like an after party type thing.
And I think Goose is doing that.
So that's a pretty major cosign.
Absolutely, absolutely.
And it will be interesting to see.
I'm sure that they're going to be getting a big bump from that in 2020.
So have you gotten deep on the music?
I have.
This band, I think one of the reasons that they've become so popular
like relatively quickly is that like they've marketed themselves like really well.
You can go on Nugs.net and you can stream like every show
that they've played this year.
It's like good quality sound.
And you can go on YouTube and you can stream like three or four complete concerts
that are like pro shot and look really good.
And then like I actually went on Bandcamp and like downloaded some stuff
because you can like pay seven bucks and download a show.
I think I'm like a genuine Goose backer at this point.
Is there a cool name for Goose fans?
You know, I knew you'd be asking this,
and this was something I researched because I didn't know this ahead of time.
Apparently, The Flock is the name for Goose fans.
Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.
I thought The Flock was the pigeons playing ping pong fans.
Let me get a number crunch.
What do you call pigeons playing ping pong fans?
Yeah, The Flock is the official group name for pigeons playing ping pong.
Fans, friends, and foes alike.
We have two bands called Goose.
We have two fan bases called The Flock.
We've got some issues.
I mean, it's possible because Goose really hasn't been like around that long.
I think they've only been like with this lineup for a couple of years.
They're sort of in the process of establishing themselves.
Are they still based out of Connecticut?
I think so. I haven't heard otherwise.
It's Norwalk, by the way.
Is that like by where you grew up, Jake?
Yeah, I used to run cross-country races in Norwalk.
Oh, yeah?
I'm very familiar.
Because like with Goose and John Mayer both being from CT,
I feel like this is like the jam band.
Like they've kind of cornered the market on like big jam bands constituencies at this point.
Yeah, maybe Connecticut finally is asserting a type of musical identity.
I guess I'll take it.
This is--
I'm not happy about it, but I will take it.
[laughs]
I don't know. You should lean into it.
If you had to describe Goose's music in terms of the jam bands that we on TC are more familiar with,
are they leaning dead, leaning fish, leaning twiddle?
I would say they're definitely in the fish mold.
And when you like listen to interviews with the band members,
it sounds like fish is like one of their main reference points.
Like the guitar player named Rick, like he's talked about how like when he was in high school,
he was a fish fan.
And then I think like in 2009, he was a senior in high school,
and that's when like fish came back from their hiatus.
So that was like a pretty formative experience for him.
And then The Breakers does it like a decade later.
He's also talked about that being a big deal for him.
So, you know, it's funny because there's like not actually like a lot of bands in that community that sound like fish.
You would think that fish would be like a main sort of reference point,
but I actually think it's kind of a hard thing to replicate what they do.
So I kind of feel like that's part of the excitement with this band is like they are reminiscent of like an early '90s fish.
And like they're young, and it's like a young enough becoming band that people can get excited about.
All right, well, Steve, in breaking news, Nick just handed me a article, I guess it's an interview,
and it says Mitterot, Tonda, and Atkin met at Berkeley School of Music in Boston.
No shocker there.
The biggest common musical influence between the two at the time was jazz rock like John Schofield and Madesky Martin Wood.
He also lists a popular indie rock band as an inspiration.
Vampire Weekend is one band that we are both very fond of.
Okay, I'm sold.
I'm not f*cking with Goose. Still haven't heard the music, but I already love the idea of Goose being from CT.
Well, I feel like their self-described genre is indie groove.
Not jam.
Not jam. I remember seeing that somewhere on their website or something, which was a term that was new to me.
Well, they talked about how, you know, unlike a lot of jam bands who are sort of going back to the '60s and '70s,
that, you know, these are guys in their 20s who grew up listening to music from like the 2000s and 2010s.
So it wouldn't surprise me that Vampire Weekend, for instance, would be big on their radar.
I know that Rick, the main guy, has talked about Bunny Bear being a big deal for him.
And they've even like dabbled in like autotune on some of their songs, which is like a controversial thing.
I noticed that.
Yeah, it was kind of weird because they did this streaming show on NUGS TV, which was like a big deal in jam band Twitter circles.
And he did a lot of like autotune in that performance. And it was kind of weird.
Was it like Bunny Bear-esque autotune? Like stacked weird kind of experimental autotune?
It was kind of a weird comparison. It kind of reminded me of like the Cher autotune.
Because they have like kind of an EDM dance element to what they do.
And like there's a song that they do, I think it's called "All I Need," which is like a very upbeat,
almost kind of dancey sounding rock song. And that's what they were doing it on.
So that's definitely more of like a contemporary thing that they're bringing into jam band music.
I mean, that is a whole world of jam stuff that I'm like vaguely familiar with.
The kind of like Soundtribe Sector 9 and it basically is dance music, but that kind of lives more,
you know, it's at the same festivals as more traditional jam bands.
Like obviously there's significant crossover in terms of fan base with like dubstep and certain forms of EDM and jam.
Does it make sense that somebody would truly marry it? How's Goose's merch?
You know, this is a question I should have anticipated and investigated knowing what I was going on TC.
You know, it's funny because like they really have kind of exploded, I think quicker than they expected this year.
And I heard a podcast interview like where they were talking about how they're playing catch up in a lot of ways
with the size of their audience, because I don't know like how much merch they really have at this point.
Like one of the guys said that like we're sort of in the process of assembling a crew right now,
because, you know, like they started selling out shows this fall, like at a much faster rate than they were before.
It kind of seems like 2019 was like the beginning of their ascendance.
And then like 2020 will be like their maybe blowout year.
And then we'll know what kind of merch they have at that point.
Well, I'm 100 percent still not having heard a note.
I'm sold enough that 100 percent 2020, I'm going to go to a Goose show.
Well, dude, they're playing Troubadour February 7th and 8th.
Oh, really? We're going both nights.
OK. Hell yeah. Stephen, come out.
I will absolutely come out. It's a Friday and a Saturday. Goose weekend, dude.
I'm going out to New York to see fish at MSG for like the New Year's Eve run.
Yeah, first time I've ever done that. I've only been to MSG once.
I've never seen fish there, so I'm really excited for that.
That's amazing. I went to my first fish show last week and I heard about that.
That was another discussion on Jam Van Twitter.
Was you going to see fish? Because I think you talked about it on your social media.
Oh yeah, I put Instagram story. Yeah, I thought it was an amazing vibe.
Also, somebody told me that there's somebody who hosts almost like a sports like play by play color commentary of fish shows.
Like in real time. They're just like, oh, it sounds like Trey is starting to tease Tweezer.
Is he going to bring the riff back? Hold on. Hold on. Fishman is going double time.
Is that does that exist? Somebody told me there's something like that.
I don't think I would listen to that before the show. That sounds so much more entertaining.
Somebody told me there's something like that existed and that's how they knew I was at the show
because the guys were like, there's a cat in the building.
I don't think that normally exists. That might have been true for that show.
I know that there was like a lot of controversy about that show.
Like a lot of people were sort of mad that they played well and that it was like a radio only show.
Like because that show wasn't on the live fish app. Blacked out.
You could only hear it on the serious app. So like a lot of people were mad about that.
I heard people complaining about the on air hosts like not being that good, which I'm not saying that myself.
I have not heard it yet. I was I was gone that night.
But you know, people are critical of these sorts of things.
And like when things don't proceed as they normally do or as people feel that they're supposed to,
the fan base gets pretty upset.
So like something even small about like not putting a show on the fish app is a pretty big deal among the jam band community.
That's true with any kind of fan base.
Like, right. I think within any any fan base, you have your quiet fans
and you have your just like super positive, excited about everything coming down the pipeline,
understanding when things are different or something.
And then every fan base has just like worse than the haters fans.
Everything is just like, wow, these guys can suck.
Like, yeah, waiting for those moments to be like, well, that's official.
30 plus years in and fish is finally sold out, man.
I'm joining the flock.
The cool shade of the banana tree on the rugged trail toward the balcony.
The child of the 20th century, a dried up Goliath and a weasel.
Far away in another place, a fading beauty named Millie Grace.
A gospel singer with pox on her face and a bamboo cane to help her keep the pace.
V was a Buddhist prodigy long past the age of maturity.
Someday he knew it would set him free like it did for Floyd the chimpanzee.
Whoa, trying to live a life that's completely free.
The race is where the wind, your first wind deck.
So have a cup of coffee and get your breath.
Whoa, V, you're trying to live a life that's completely free.
The race is where the wind, your first wind deck.
So have a cup of coffee and get your breath.
Stephen, do you have a podcast that's coming out soon?
Yes.
Is it kind of related to this?
Yes, I do.
And thank you for asking, Jake.
It's coming out next month.
It's called 36 from the Vault.
It's me and my friend Rob Mitchum.
We're going to be reviewing every installment of the Dick's Pick series
with like digressions along the way.
We'll probably do like official Dead Live albums.
We might do some Dave's Picks, might do some John Mayer live records in there too.
You know, as the whole kid caboodle, I feel like, you know, this is something that if the show takes off,
we can find a way to do it forever, you know, because there's so many different great Dead Live stuff.
Are you going to be talking over the show?
No, I mean, it's always tricky with like rights issues.
Oh, I see.
So we probably won't actually be playing any of the actual music in there.
But we have a great score that's being written by Amar, who you've talked about on your show,
who like does those great jam breakdown videos.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, yeah, I was thinking about him as you're discussing the kind of post show because he contextualizes everything.
Yeah, he's doing the score for the show.
So that's going to be playing under us as we're talking.
One of the fun things about this podcast is that, you know, we're going to be talking about the concerts,
but we're also going to be talking about the show itself.
So we're going to be talking about the show itself.
- I think he's a big fan of horror, including in the comics realm.
As we were just talking about this auction of all his comics,
they're definitely leaning a lot of tales from the crypt.
- Right, and there's that bit in the documentary Long Strange Trip,
where like the last interview he did was about Abbott Costello meets Frankenstein, I think it was.
- Right.
- So he was like a big horror movie fan.
So it's a great excuse to talk about the dead,
but it's also just like a fun way to talk about like pop culture history,
like around the time of each show.
And like talking about the music venues that they played in,
because there's like some weird old theaters and convention centers
that don't exist anymore that the Grateful Dead played in, like in the '60s and '70s.
- Oh, looking forward to that.
- Sounds fun.
- Yeah, we've banked a couple ups.
- Oh, cool.
- By the way, am I a friend of the podcast now?
This is my second time on this show.
- Yeah, I think now you're a friend of the pod, for sure.
- Which means I've been demoted, right?
Because I was executive level before now.
Isn't that how it goes if you're like a first-time guest?
- There's a type of demotion.
Familiarity breeds contempt.
[laughter]
So, you know, the closer to the crew, that's the kind of irony of life.
A lot of people hold some of their worst vitriol for their loved ones.
- I'm still honored. I'm still honored to be a friend of the pod.
- Are you taking notes? We need a real friend of the pod.
- That's our next one.
- Okay, tight. Well, what song should we play?
I'm sure all the TC heads are on the edge of their seat right now.
They want to hear this band.
Butterum is very Jamflow, man.
- Well, it's also sort of like a non-satirical bananas and blow.
- Exactly.
- You know, like the Wayne song.
You know, my feeling on jam bands is that, like,
I think a good jam band should be, like, 15% cheesy, you know?
Because, like, a great jam band,
they're simultaneously an art band and a party band, you know?
Like, the Dead plays Dark Star for 20 minutes,
and then they play Good Lovin' right after that, you know?
Or Fish plays, you know, You Enjoy Myself,
and then they play Suzie Greenberg after that.
You know, you've got, like, the esoteric stuff
and, like, sort of like the beer-hoisting, dumb party anthem type stuff.
So, like, with Goose, you know,
they definitely have, like, you know, the buttered rum part,
but, you know, they can also go off for 20 minutes into outer space
and do kind of cool jammy things.
So I will say the show I'd recommend is 10, 18, 19.
So recent.
I think it's a really good show,
and it's the show that got me into it.
And they do a cover of The Way It Is, the Bruce Hornsby song.
-Oh, the song. -They actually do a really--
It's, like, a 15-minute version of that song.
I think they do, like-- I think it's a really good version.
I think they do a great cover of that.
They do a cover of Inside Out, the song by Spoon.
One tight thing about jam bands is, like,
you can get so deep in the conversation
without ever playing the music.
Like, you know, if you're telling us about, like, a new indie rock band
or just, like, a new singer-songwriter kind of guy,
like, the next Iron and Wine or something,
if you go more than, like, three minutes
without playing the music, it's, like, insane.
But with jam bands, you could actually be, like,
they're Goose, they're out of Norwalk, Connecticut,
10, 18, 19's a great show, and they do a 15-minute
That's Just The Way It Is by Bruce Hornsby.
And I'm like, "Tell me more, man."
Like, "No, we don't need to listen to it yet."
15-minute? 15-minute, horns be tight.
[laughs]
Maybe you should just, like, you know,
if you don't want to listen to the show,
just, like, take in my description of it and enjoy that, you know?
Like, maybe you should just stop there,
if you like, like, what I'm describing.
I should just go, like, terrorize some jam band message boards
and be like, "I'm a text-based jam enthusiast.
I don't listen to the music."
[laughs]
Like, "Yes, we exist."
Never heard a note, never will.
Okay, wait, Steve, is there one Goose song, though, to play?
Obviously, we're all going to check out 10, 18, 19.
♪ Butter 'em ♪
Not--besides "Butter 'em."
What's one that's, like, just your favorite?
Why don't you play "Time to Flee"?
Okay, time.
Okay.
All right, everybody, Steve and Hyden,
thanks again for calling in,
and here's Goose with "Time to Flee."
♪
Time Crisis with Ezra K. Nagle.
This your roast.
♪
♪ Ups and downs, all I know.
♪ This elevator rises too slow.
♪ Trapped inside with you.
♪ No way out, déjà vu.
♪
♪ I don't feel free.
♪ It was time to flee.
♪ The elevator.
♪ I'm not a waiter.
♪ So see you later.
♪ Alligator.
♪ The elevator.
♪ I'm not a waiter.
♪ So see you later.
♪ Alligator.
You know what I just thought of?
Because on the one hand,
becoming more and more familiar
with the jam community every day,
but I don't know the ins and outs.
I hope there's no, like, twiddle Goose beef.
That's gonna be messed up, 'cause--
Right, we're just gonna get back to the twiddle camp,
then we're going to the Goose show at the Troubadour.
Yeah.
Both nights.
But--
What would be the beef?
Just sort of, like--
You know, just sometimes--
Young competitive bands?
Look, I remember when Vampire Weekend came out,
there'd be some other indie bands dropping their album.
You know, they got to get a little--
Talking a little spicy in the interview, man.
Right.
We live in a competitive society, man.
Dog eat dog.
It's dog eat dog.
There's no social safety net in America, man.
So, you know, people are fighting for that slot.
Another person's success is often perceived
to be a lack of opportunity for you.
But you know what, man?
That's what makes great art, Ezra.
It's that cutthroat competitive spirit.
It's that brutal sense of competition and--
Well, partially.
I mean, all joking aside.
I wonder if the--
Well, I'm just saying, I guess the jam band community
is a little more embracing.
Trudle's been around for a while.
And I will say one thing,
because actually, Mahali texted me a couple months ago,
or a few weeks--
I can't even remember anymore.
But Mahali from Trudle hit me up
because he was letting me know that his buddy's in a jam band.
I'm sure everybody would--
Just like when people call Vampire Weekend an indie band,
I'm sure a lot of these bands would be like,
"Okay, you know, we're jam, but we're also this."
Yeah.
So he put me on to this band called Aquius,
and he sent me an 11-minute sunflower that they busted out--
Wow.
--at Higher Ground in Burlington.
Sick.
It was tight.
I mean, they're incredible musicians.
I was like, "Oh, I don't know anything about these guys."
And Mahali was like, "Yo, they're like an up-and-coming jam band.
I really love them."
And he's like, "Yo, check them out."
He was so--
I mean, I could already tell that he has a generosity of spirit,
but he was just all like--
He was like, "Oh, yeah, you should totally check these dudes out,"
which, again, is what you want from the jam community.
Right.
Sometimes this stuff happens beyond the artist relationship.
It can be the press.
It can be the fans.
It can be the people on message boards can pit artists against each other.
They're drumming up that goose twiddle animosity.
Did you see that Aquius does a sunflower cover?
Seinfeld!
Wow.
Is that what you just said?
Get your head out of your ass, buddy.
I was reading about it while you were talking about it.
I apologize.
Is that what you just said?
We hired you because we believed you could multitask.
I was trying to crunch the numbers.
I'll admit that your job is demanding.
You need to simultaneously listen to Jake and I's every word
as you're crunching the numbers.
We can cut this part.
No, no, we're not cutting this part.
No, we're not cutting this part.
You know, I feel like we should just cut this part.
The fall of Seinfeld.
This is the real fall of Seinfeld.
How often does that happen?
Well, anyway, maybe I was just saying it for emphasis.
I heard you, and I just wanted to repeat it again for the fans.
No, I forgive you, although I do want to point out
that this is the type of thing that if it happened in middle school or something
it would upend society.
Just to any of our younger fans, this is the type of thing if you're in middle school
and a bunch of people are joking about something and you're--
I feel like--I'm pretty sure I was on both sides of this.
Almost every kid is where, you know, just like middle school
you're so terrified of making a mistake or something.
Actually, I can remember one time I was a little bit like this
because I know nothing about sports, but I have a long history
of trying to pretend that I do.
I remember a bunch of kids were talking about who was the best player in the NBA,
and kids were like, "Well, obviously, you know, Shaquille O'Neal right now, blah blah blah."
And then I was just like, "What about Shaq?"
[laughter]
I didn't know, man. I just heard people talking about Shaq--Shaquille.
It's kind of pronounced differently.
Shaquille is "shuh-kuh."
Not Shaq. It's not Shaquille.
Or maybe it is. But anyway.
I think the takeaway is that I was just so focused on, you know,
crunching those numbers that I--
Hey, we can cut this part.
Let's talk about the Grammys.
Okay, Ezra, congratulations on your Grammy nominations.
Oh, thank you.
Burying the lead.
We buried the lead.
Congrats.
I feel bad now. I feel like I should have brought this up earlier.
Yeah, I was just kind of waiting.
Well, I guess to be fair--
My bad.
Jake, did we ever get you registered to vote for the Grammys?
Yet another year goes by.
We're probably going to lose everything by one vote.
This was a big year for us because we got nominated in three categories.
Best Alternative Album, that's the one that Modern Vampires won.
That's happened already.
Old hat.
I mean, you know, it's still exciting, but we've experienced that.
The other two are a little more interesting.
One is Album of the Year because that means finally we're going to be on TV.
Who else got nominated in that?
Number Crunch Seinfeld.
Bonnie Vare, Lana Del Rey, Billie Eilish, H.E.R., her?
Is that--
Yes.
Ariana Grande, Lil Nas X, Lizzo, and Vampire Weekend.
It's a pretty wild group.
And that's like eight nominees?
Tough odds.
It's tough odds.
I was thinking it would be five.
In fact, my buddy I saw in New York told me that he put some money on us winning.
Tight.
And I said, "Well, what are the biggest odds?"
And he's-- like, no joke, he's 62 to 1.
And I was like, "Okay."
Who's favored?
I didn't ask him.
I would guess Lana Del Rey, Billie Eilish, Ariana Grande, Lizzo.
Those are maybe the more-- we're definitely in the bottom half.
I feel like the dark horses would be us, Lil Nas X,
which kind of rules because he's nominated for an EP.
It's 18 minutes long.
Oh, wow.
That would be cool if that won just to--
EP.
Just to upend society.
But I think the fact that it's so stacked sometimes means that it's anybody's--
anything could happen.
Yeah.
Low-key, I was doing an interview last week.
We played this-- a radio festival for 92.3 in New York.
The guy asked me, like, "All right, man, you've nominated for some Grammys.
Let's say you win Album of the Year.
What's the first thoughts going through your head as you're walking your way to the podium?"
And truly the first thing I thought of was other people's fans being angry.
Just like Lana Del Rey fans being like, "Who the [bleep] are these losers?"
Billie Eilish fans being like, "What is this old bull [bleep]?"
And me being there like, "I don't know what to say to you guys."
It's like I don't even want to talk about that one.
Album of the Year is just kind of stressful.
So what's the third nomination?
This is the one I want to talk about.
Third nomination, Harmony Hall, Best Rock Song.
Oh, wow, that is interesting.
Seinfeld, what are the nominees in Best Rock Song?
And one thing, Best Rock Song, there's different categories where you could be nominated.
Like the recording gets nominated and then the producer is not-- the art, the band is.
This is just as a songwriter.
So I'm nominated.
Just the publishing.
Right.
Not the recording or the performance.
This is not a Vampire Weekend nomination.
This is me as a songwriter.
You're up against Tool, The 1975, Brittany Howard, and Gary Clark Jr.
Dude, you're going to clean up.
I don't know what our odds are.
Probably a little better than Album of the Year, but this is what I wanted to talk about.
Is this award on TV?
I don't think so.
I think only Album of the Year, which is the final award.
Yeah, truly Album of the Year.
I truly think it is an honor just to be nominated.
Yeah, it's amazing.
I can't even--
The other ones are a little more interesting to me.
The thing I wanted to bring up because I want to get Jake's take on this.
I'm going to bet, by the way, on Album of the Year.
You're going to take the 62 to 1 odds?
Yeah, it's going to be like when Arcade Fire won.
Didn't they win Album of the Year?
Yeah.
All right, that's what's going to happen.
We're back.
Want to put down $100?
I wouldn't want to win Album of the Year, somebody run on stage, say I didn't deserve it.
See, that's the thing.
I felt like when Kanye ran on stage when Beck won, Beck had this look on his face.
And he's a laid back, mellow dude, kind of vibe guy.
And he was almost like-- the look on his face was almost like, yeah, yeah, man.
I don't know.
Maybe I shouldn't be up here.
So Justin Vernon's going to get up there and be like, what the hell is this?
Friend of the show.
Friend of the show.
Something changed, became an enemy of the show.
Father of the bride winning, get out of here.
This clearly is Lizzo's trophy.
He takes it out of your hands.
Yeah.
OK.
So anyway, Rock Song of the Year.
But that's the one that I wanted to talk about on the show because that's the one that I
was kind of the most psyched about because it's a songwriting award.
And songwriting is very important to me.
It's a pretty random mix in there, but rock is pretty random in 2019.
But here's the thing.
On Instagram, there's a Vampire Weekend post about the nominations.
And I'm looking at some of the comments.
We had a lot of fans very proud of us.
And it was tight, very heartwarming to see that they felt like they were a part of it,
which they should feel.
And then you had a few people, not exactly haters, but fans being like, "Best rock song,
you know, eye roll kind of vibe."
And so I see a few of these, I'm just like, "What the f*ck is that supposed to mean?"
And then I had a brief exchange with one dude who said, "Basically, like, this is not a rock song."
And I was kind of like, "Look, there's a lot of Vampire Weekend songs I wouldn't call rock songs."
But I was like, "It's got a f*cking guitar solo."
So this dude, I said, "Are you familiar with the tasteful palate of 1970s rock?"
And then it became this whole thing where, like, I felt bad.
Was it a pile-on?
I don't even know how old this person is or what their take is.
But, okay, this is my gut feeling based on--
And, like, there are totally people who are like, "Yeah, obviously it's a rock song."
But this is my gut feeling is that the definition of rock, maybe to the younger generations,
has narrowed to an even, like, smaller place than back in the day.
Sure.
Like, maybe to some younger people, rock is just, like--
Heavy.
Yeah, it's kind of, like, heavy.
Like, tool.
Like, yeah, on one side of the spectrum, maybe it's like Jet or Greta Van Fleet, just like--
[imitates guitar riff]
Yeah.
And then on the other side, it's just, like, true, like--
[imitates guitar riff]
Because I'm kind of like acoustic guitar riff and, you know, pentatonic riff and harmony.
I mean, that's rock, man.
And that kind of, like, stonesy kind of piano groove.
I think the idea of even being like, "That's rock piano," maybe doesn't compute for some people.
And I was also kind of like, "Well, what else is it?"
Adult contemporary.
But even adult--
Yeah, no, I'm kidding.
I mean, it's--
Yeah, so I was just kind of like--
If you're, like, a 15-year-old kid and you've listened to, like, Nirvana and Tool and The Strokes,
there's not a lot of bands that are, like, doing kind of, like, a kinks, stonesy, deady,
little more low-key, melodic kind of thing.
Yeah, I know.
Like, maybe you've heard The Shins and that sort of, like--
What is this oldies act kind of thing?
Maybe they consider it pop.
Maybe, but we're so clearly not pop.
Well, and I guess--
To someone that loves Tool.
Right.
Although, arguably, like, that Tool--
Can you throw that Tool song?
I'm kind of curious what the Tool--
No, because the Tool is not, like, straight-ahead rock either.
Tool is, like, prog--
It's mathy, but it's real heavy.
And that song has, like, hand drums and stuff.
Does it?
Yeah, wait.
I kind of want to hear the Tool song that you're going to be competing with.
Ezra, toe-to-toe against Maynard.
That would be a funny one to win.
If there was one that we were going to win, I think it should be best rock song,
partially because that would be the most fun one to make a speech for.
Yeah, dude.
Ladies and gentlemen, rock music.
Alive and well, not played out, dog.
Not played out, dog.
I want to tell you a story.
My buddy Jake once was working with a gentleman.
[laughs]
They were on lunch break eating Chipotle.
This guy took a big bite of his burrito and said, "Rock's played out, dog."
I'm here to tell you it's not.
And although we have won the award today,
I consider this a win for all of us in the rock community.
Maynard Ferguson, I'm looking at you.
A hats off to you, sir.
Hats off to you.
Brittany Howard.
[laughs]
I raise a glass to you, ma'am.
[laughs]
Gary Clark, Jr., absolute shredder.
The 1975, they're from across the pond.
[laughs]
Very cool.
I like your kind of David Bowie thing you're doing.
Very cool.
England has--
[laughs]
Very cool.
England has contributed so much to rock history.
I'm getting into, like, a very specific--
Story of history of rock.
I'm doing, like--this is, like, one of the guys from SNL does this voice.
[imitates sound]
Wait, who is--I love that guy.
Beck Bennett.
Oh, Beck Bennett.
This is a Beck Bennett character.
Maybe we should ask Beck Bennett to go on and accept.
From the Rolling Stones to David Bowie to even the Cure and Oasis,
England has produced many of the greatest rock bands of our time.
You continue to fly that flag high.
That Union Jack.
He's becoming, like, Kyle Mooney a little bit.
And now he's becoming Kyle Mooney.
This is the Tool song--wait, is the Tool song "Fear Inoculum,"
the title track from the album "Fear Inoculum"?
Yes, it is.
Yeah.
So this song is 10 minutes, 20 seconds, so--
Wow.
It's happening.
That's very, like, early mid-'70s, like a 10-minute rock song.
Yeah.
He nominated.
So these kids, they accept this is rock, but Harmony Hall is not?
Nights in white satin.
Made it first, then.
You, sir, are a freaking legend.
Love your stuff, bro.
Also, it's really funny, too, that a lot of those awards,
the pre-televised awards, it's never like everybody's there.
It always has this, like, kind of sad, half-full vibe,
which is why when we won last album Best Alternative, I was just like, "Thanks."
Because it's so--it's like to give a heartfelt speech in front of just,
like, a half-full--hey, listen to this.
But I'm just picturing, like, Vampire Weekend's the only people there,
and then I just write this, like, real heartfelt note to each of the other nominees
who just aren't in attendance.
Maynard Ferguson and the rest of your bandmates in Tool,
you've shown that rock is far from restricted to a 4/4 time signature
or a 3 1/2-minute pop song structure.
Over a nearly 30-year career, you've consistently pushed the boundaries
of what's possible.
The 1975, your words to Imagine Dragons were harsh but fair.
Perhaps I judge--
Mr. Healy, perhaps I judge you unfairly.
When I took you to task for your cruel words about Dan Reynolds and Imagine Dragons,
now I understand what you were doing.
You were trying to push him to be better, just like we're all trying to be better
in the genre of rock.
[laughter]
Would you cap it off with one for yourself?
And last but not least, myself and the rest of Vampire Weekend.
That'd be like that Matthew McConaughey, just like,
"If I can step outside myself for a second, I'm so f---ing proud of you."
You're still rocking, 11 years since the release of your debut album.
Yeah, it's like the really sweet high school football player that's a little dim.
[laughter]
Just like, just a sweetheart of a guy.
I'm not a fan of this music.
[laughter]
I kind of am. I'm kind of into it.
All I'm saying is--
How is that up for songwriting?
That is-- I'm sorry.
Like, Tool's written some catchy stuff, but what--
Well, skip ahead.
That is just like-- that's not--
Let's just see where does this go.
All right, time's-- okay, I'm kind of into this.
This is cool, kind of dusty.
This sucks. I mean, come on.
Like, for songwriting?
Okay, it's still sound.
This is like a very deep cut on like melancholy, calling infinite sadness or something.
I can't be mad at that. I like it.
I'm not mad that it exists. I'm mad that it was nominated for best rock songwriting.
There's also rock performance.
Give it to that, man.
Have you seen Tool's like onstage get-ups? Like how they--
Wait, is that a Starbucks logo?
It's like a subversive. It says like, "I want--"
What does it say? "I love something in coffee." It's covered by his arm, but he's wearing like some sort of swat.
It's like the swat team meets Darth Vader meets Starbucks.
Kind of Marilyn Manson vibe.
Yeah.
Tool's always a little too dark for me.
Yeah, I'd always like hear a Tool song and be like, "Okay, tight."
But yeah, I could never go--
I remember there were just like dudes in my dorm in college who were like really into Tool.
Like, dudes would just be like playing like an unplugged bass.
Just playing Tool riffs?
Yeah, just like Metallica and Tool riffs.
On a six-string bass?
Like two in the afternoon on like an unplugged bass.
Well, Tool has produced some very iconic riffs.
(mimics guitar riff)
For sure.
Maynard Ferguson.
Wait, wait, wait. What's his name?
Maynard James Keenan.
Oh my God. I wasn't even kidding. Wait, who's Maynard Ferguson?
Is that like a jazz musician?
Let's see.
Oh my God.
No, I'm actually embarrassed because I like Tool. Yeah, Maynard James Keenan.
He's a Birdland jazz musician. He's a Canadian jazz trumpeter.
Oh, really?
Yeah. Also worthy of respect.
That'd be even weirder. Just get up there.
I'm so impressed by all the nominees tonight.
Maynard Ferguson, Canadian jazz trumpeter.
(laughs)
Rest in peace.
Rest in peace.
Maynard James Keenan.
(laughs)
Well, dude, I hope you win for best rock song.
God, and you can't even vote for us? Damn.
Honestly, at least I know that I--
Just knowing that I would have had your vote if you were registered to vote,
that's very meaningful to me, Jake.
Hell yeah, dude.
You know what? We might come up goose eggs.
We might go up for three.
We might go up for three. I'm prepared for it.
Well, the TC community's there for you, bud.
All right. Thanks to the TC heads.
I'd like to think that anybody who's a TC head,
whether they think we deserve to win or not,
would at least admit we deserve to be in the category of rock.
It's a freaking rock song.
Undoubtedly. If you're confused by that, you don't know your rock, folks.
Yeah, you don't know your rock.
Learn about your rock.
I would also just say in 2019,
if given the chance between expanding the definition of rock
to include the tasteful palette of 1970s rock,
instruments like piano, things like that,
or contracting the definition of rock
to essentially just be Greta Van Fleet and Jet,
we got to go big, people.
Who's Jet?
I thought Jet was like an '80s band.
No, they were like early 2000s.
They were kind of throwback rock, like,
"Are you gonna be my girl?"
Oh, I hate that. Jet sucks.
Yeah, I don't think they suck.
I've always wondered what that was,
because you hear that in bad sports bars,
and you're just like, "What is this?"
Wait, hold on.
It's Jet.
You might have felt that way back in the day.
Now that the dust has settled, let's revisit Jet.
They infamously got this incredibly cruel, petty pitchfork review
where they didn't even write about it.
They just put a video of a monkey [bleep] in its mouth
and gave a 0.0.
Oh, you gotta write about it.
You can't just do that.
What year was that?
Although, in a way--
2006.
Okay.
As somebody who's been reviewed many times over the years,
I do actually respect the "Fuck this shit, sucks" line of criticism
a little more than the half-baked essay
where people try to make a grandiose statement
about the meaning of the music, which always--
Yeah.
Because actually, I do respect the right of people to just be like,
"This shit sucks.
"I don't like the voice.
"The voice singer sucks.
"The vibe sucks.
"Corny.
I hate it."
So in some ways, it's mean.
Also, Jet, I imagine, doesn't care about Pitchfork.
No, there's actually an article in Slate with the dude from Jet
talking about how that review had a significant impact on their career.
What?
I remember reading this.
Wow.
This is from actually just last year.
I wanted to ask him about Pitchfork's 0.0 review of Shine On.
I'm not going to be able to distill it down,
but it seems like it was a traumatic thing for this band.
Wow.
I mean, okay, I'm sure it did hurt his feelings.
Oh, I'm sure of that, but--
I would say luckily--
Well, in the early days of Vampire Weekend,
we got some real hyper-personal takedowns and stuff.
You guys got super harshed on.
I remember when you guys--
when this record was coming out, it was like, "Jesus Christ."
But it was often more--
it got it worse in think pieces than maybe reviews.
Right.
I mean, of course we've had bad--
literally every album has had at least one or two bad reviews.
It's never been a full wave.
Actually, it was funny.
I was kind of looking back through it,
and there's kind of one dipshit on Contra.
Wrote this thing.
It was like, "You know, there's some moments,
"but it's painfully obvious these guys have nothing to say."
And I was just kind of like, "Man, you didn't give this shit a chance."
But whatever.
People say worse shit.
And then I remember--
Dude, the first song was about horchata.
Dude.
Of course we have things to say.
Dude, we're pushing in a new direction.
But even on the third album, there was one harsh review.
There was some incredibly glum reviews,
and there was one harsh review that was just like,
"Yo, I like the first two albums.
"This [bleep] sucks.
"Jesus Christ, this is boring."
Wow.
So whatever.
Of course you're only going to get one or two,
but I would say, though--
and obviously I can't speak to the gentleman from Jet.
Obviously it's easy for me sitting back here to be like,
"You know, 0.0, the monkey [bleep] thing in your mouth."
Kind of respect it.
But the truth is, at least--
that's just like some old-school bully shit.
Yeah.
Just kind of like, "[bleep] you.
"We're not down with you, loser."
And that is the type of shit that hurts.
But even the person who gets bullied in that way,
I don't think they understand the world of pain.
Like imagine they go home, and they're just like,
"The guy said I couldn't sit with them at the table."
And then your parents are like, "You go sit down with them,
"and you say, 'You know what, guys?
"'You've been real jerks to me.
"'I'm going to stand up for myself right now.
"'Let's talk about this.
"'I'm going to use my words right now.
"'I'm not going to just be bullied away from the table.
"'What's your problem with me?'"
And then the guys are like, "All right, dude, sit down.
"Let's get into it."
And they're just like, "Here's the thing, man.
"It's not that we just have like a weird aversion to you.
"You're not just a loser.
"You're also like a [bleep] person.
"You know, you're not just like a humble--"
I'm just saying like there's face worse than exclusion.
And I actually have read reviews.
I don't think I've ever read a vampire one that's this harsh,
but I've read reviews of random [bleep]
where even when I don't like the band or the artist,
I am just kind of like, "Oh, my God."
I remember Greta Van Fleet got super harsh--
I think like a year ago, two years ago.
Oh, yeah, that was just like--
Like a 1.9 or something.
Just gleefully dunking on them and like--
Yeah, and they're like, you know, 19-year-old kids.
Right.
From like Michigan or something.
There's definitely a thing, and, you know,
I've said this on this show about my respect for critics,
and I think at its best, we all are doing the same thing,
musicians and critics.
We're trying to like make commentary
about culture and music and stuff.
I swear, I'm not just trying to be like--
try to sound like neutral on this.
I really have had critiques from critics
who liked one thing, didn't like another thing, whatever,
or even just didn't like us,
where I actually did think about what they were saying
and kind of like--
You know, you don't have to agree with somebody,
at least in music criticism,
to kind of put yourself in their shoes
and see their point and still like take something away from it.
Like 100%, I do see a value--
Like, you can't expect everybody to like your s--t,
and they're truly--
If you can tamp down on your ego,
you can learn something from negative stuff.
Sure.
But there is this like line that's crossed,
and I feel like sometimes people don't--
There is a type of person, they just don't understand
that like somebody's probably gonna read this s--t
that you wrote, and it's like you always have a choice
between like criticizing something
and like putting together something so like cruel
that it has the potential to like haunt somebody.
Haunt.
I've seen s--t that people have written about other people
where I'm just like, "Yo, you didn't just say it sucked.
You like took a hatchet to somebody's like existence."
The core of their being.
I'm not gonna name names 'cause I have great respect
for many music writers,
such as the legendary Stephen Hyden.
And there's people I really respect
who don't always ride for a vampire.
Even Anthony Fantano.
Apparently he didn't like the last album,
but I always had this impression of this guy
like when I've watched his reviews here and there,
he's one dude saying his opinions.
Yeah.
You kind of just gotta be like, "All right."
You know, like it is what it is.
And I truly believe--
I've always gotten a vibe off of him
in my whatever little things that he's--
he's a straight shooter.
I can accept, you know, somebody like that is like,
"This album sucks."
It's like, "All right, man, maybe like the next one."
You can't--like, it's all right.
But yeah, I have seen--
there's some people who I've seen them just write
the harshest, most like,
"I'm taking this artist down as a person" criticism.
And then I see them talk about their life as a critic
in very sentimental terms.
That's like a funny thing where just like the same person
who would just literally be like,
"This person--basically this person has no reason
to ever make music.
They're so worthless, blah, blah, blah."
Then like a few weeks later,
"Can I just say how [bleep] proud I am
of the team at like musicrolls.net
and the listicle we put together
of like the seven best indie rock songs of like February?
Can I just say like what an honor it is to be--"
And it's like--and I'm not knocking it
because of course you're gonna get sentimental
about the amount of work it takes to put something
into the world, whether it's a listicle or an album.
But it is just funny how the same person
can be so different.
There's definitely musicians who do that [bleep] too.
100%, there's musicians who like talk [bleep]
about other people, whether publicly or privately.
And then if the table's remotely turned,
they heard that somebody like didn't like their new song
or something, they're just like,
"Well, you know, that guy--you know, [bleep] that dude."
You know.
Everybody's a hypocrite, I guess is what I'm saying.
So anyway, Jake--
- Not a fan of Chad. - Okay, hold on.
- I'm not gonna trash him as humans.
I don't know anything about them.
- Now that the dust has settled.
- Yeah, now let's--let's revisit.
- That's a tasteful tambourine.
- Oh, it's not--
- ♪ I need love, love to ease my mind ♪
- And it's also kind of lust for life.
- Yeah, it's very--very Supremes.
[upbeat music]
In so far, folks.
- Okay, see?
The dust has settled.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ One, two, three, take my hand and come with me ♪
♪ Because you look so fine ♪
♪ That I really wanna make you mine ♪
- I like the amp buzz.
- Yeah, I like the amp buzz.
- Yeah, that's cool.
- This is like some Mazda commercial.
- ♪ Because you look so fine ♪
♪ That I really wanna make you mine ♪
♪ ♪
- I can picture you look so fine,
I wanna make you mine.
- ♪ One, two, three, take my hand and come with me ♪
♪ Four, five, six, come on and get your kicks ♪
♪ Now you don't need the money ♪
♪ When you look like that, do you, honey? ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ Big black boots, long brown hair ♪
♪ She's so sweet with her get-back stare ♪
♪ Well, I can see you hard with me ♪
♪ But you are with another man, yeah ♪
♪ I know we ain't got... ♪
- I'm picturing Jake-- I don't know if this is what's happening--
Jake being like, "You know what, dude?
I was wrong. This sounds huge."
[laughter]
- I'm all in.
- I would actually say that's the type of song
that's deeply contextualized by the rest of the band's work.
- Yeah, I don't know the rest of the band's work.
I think I've only heard that.
- You never heard "Cold Hard B--"?
- I don't know--ooh, great title.
[laughter]
These guys are on fire.
"Cold Hard B--."
Very Ted Nugent vibes.
♪ ♪
Where's this band from? Are they American?
- Australia.
- Australia--does that make you like 'em more or less?
- Less.
[laughter]
- You can get some angry letters from Australian TC heads.
What's that supposed to mean?
♪ ♪
This is the type that sounds like AC/DC.
- That's what I don't like about it.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Come on, now ♪
- ♪ Yeah, come on now ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ Gotta leave town, got another appointment ♪
- Boy--
- Okay, that's--
That--no, unironically, that's a sick opening line.
- Yeah.
- ♪ Gotta leave town, got another appointment ♪
- Wait, hold on.
What's he gonna rhyme with "appointment"?
The first thing I think of is "ointment,"
but it can't be "ointment."
- ♪ Got a bad rash, gotta apply that ointment ♪
- Wait, what's it gonna be? What else rhymes?
♪ Got another appointment ♪
It could be some, like, kinda not-rhyme, like,
♪ So you better-- so you better enjoy it ♪
- Right, okay.
- I'm on the f---ing edge of my seat.
- Sure.
- Okay, but that was--
- This is songwriting, folks.
And that--you know, that's, like,
that Mick Jagger s--- that I love.
- Yeah, "pointment" is very Mick.
- ♪ Bet on my rent, girl, you know I enjoyed it ♪
- Oh, yeah!
- "Spent on my rent," was he saying?
- I didn't quite know. He said "enjoyed it."
He said "pass notes."
- Okay.
- I'm into this stuff, man. Okay, keep going.
- ♪ Talk about our little plans, all right ♪
♪
♪ Cool out, bitch, just a kiss on the lips ♪
♪ And I was on my knees ♪
♪ I'm waiting, give me a good high-five ♪
♪ She was shaking her hips, so that was all that I needed ♪
♪
- I can't be mad at any of this.
I think it's--oof.
Well, but you know what I will say is, like,
I guess in this sense, Vampire Weekend, at least,
the fact that we never rocked hard
gave us more room to maneuver.
When you come out rocking this hard...
- Right.
- Where do you go from there?
Are you gonna deviate from this classic
guitar-based drum sound?
Are you gonna start rocking soft?
It's kind of weird to start rocking soft
when you come out rocking hard.
- I mean, I would love to hear a power ballad from them.
- What's the album called that--
with the cruel pitchfork review?
"Seinfeld Stepped Out of the Room."
Wow, he is--this is a--
- He's on thin ice.
- He's really on thin ice.
- "Shine On."
- Is there a big power ballad on "Shine On"?
- Nick, stepping it up with the number crunching.
Okay.
- I mean, from what I've heard,
it's just--it's one rock trope piled on the other.
[rock music]
- Put your money where your mouth is.
[rock music]
- ♪ She's a loaded gun ♪
♪ I've got my shaking hands ♪
- Going falsetto.
- ♪ Is it okay if I don't make it? ♪
- Oh!
[soft piano music]
Their production is all tasteful.
- ♪ Is it okay if I don't come around? ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ The light is fading and the sun has gone down ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ Bring it all back, bring it all back, bring it all back ♪
♪ ♪
- Here we go.
- ♪ Where's the day that never ended? ♪
♪ ♪
- Nice groove.
- ♪ To open up my eyes ♪
- I just want to say,
probably somebody's gonna be mad about this,
but I mean no disrespect
to either of these two great Australian artists.
Throw more reverb on that,
maybe get a little bit more sophisticated
with some of the harmonics.
It could be a Tame Impala song.
A lot more reverb.
- Fair.
I didn't know Tame Impala was Australian.
- Oh, you didn't know that? - No.
- Now, Tame Impala, to be fair,
it wouldn't be, like, a top-tier Tame song.
Tame Impala is one of the most successful bands
of the modern era.
It's not really fair to compare them
to anybody to them,
but see, Tame Impala came out,
and they were doing, like, big, like, rock.
They had the song "Elephant"
that I always thought was tight.
You know that one?
♪ And I feel like a great-- ♪
It was like this shuffle groove.
- Yeah, I think so.
- And then they got kind of, like, funky,
but they had a-- they had a road song recently.
- I mean, they were also a little more kind of arty,
not so, like, bar band, AC/DC kind of thing.
- Now, I'm just-- I'm just looking at this now
as an artist.
Why do people like this,
but they didn't like track five on that Jet album?
- Jet's second album, "The Pitchfork Review,"
is a--sort of a conversation play
between a fictional--
of the owner of a venue and Jet.
- Oh, I thought the second one was the monkey one.
Oh, Seinfeld 2000, nice of you to join us, sir.
- I was just getting some tea.
I'm a little under the weather.
- Mm-hmm.
- What'd I miss?
- A lot.
[laughter]
- So Pitchfork has just always used Jet
as just a punching bag
to jumpstart the comedy careers of--
- I mean, it just feels--
I mean, it sort of feels gross.
- Yeah, like, two albums in a row,
they're doing, like, a joke to it.
- You're right. Sorry, sorry, you're right.
The first record is "Get Born,"
and that's a fictional conversation,
and the second one is the monkey [bleep]
in its mouth.
- Look, "Tame Impala" is--
- Didn't he put out, like, a new single recently?
- This is one of them.
- Cool.
[hip-hop music]
♪ ♪
- It's undeniably a more tasteful production.
- Okay, it's a hipper palette.
- It's a hipper palette.
- I mean, Jet doesn't display
that they have knowledge of any music
after, like, 1980.
Which could be cool,
but it doesn't feel, like, deliberate.
- ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ There's nothing wrong ♪
♪ I'm only tired of all these voices ♪
♪ Always saying nothing ♪
- I feel like maybe, like,
people react to signifiers a lot with music, right?
And they're sort of like, "Oh, these guys are coming
from, like, a similar place that I am."
Like, they're making references and, like--
- Well, even right now, the--
I feel bad about this.
We've already, like--
we're talking about a song from, like, 15 years ago
on a widely reviled album.
Comparing it to a new single
by perhaps one of the most beloved
psych rock virtuosos of our time.
Not a fair fight, man.
But "The Tame Impala," it is, like--
even what we've heard so far,
it's--you got the kind of '70s
super-tramp keyboard road sound,
but then you got these, like, deeper synth-bass moments,
some kind of drum machine sounds.
Kevin Parker's having more fun with space.
- Yeah, the guys in "Jet" might just be like,
"That's--I mean, what?
"It's pretentious.
"Why would I want to do that?
"I'm eating potatoes rock and roll."
- Wait, what was your-- - I'm a real ham and egger.
- Ham and egger.
What's the Australian ham and egger?
- Vegemite.
- They eat mint--
don't they eat some kind of pies?
Mince pie--I guess it's English, too.
- I'm a real bacon and Nutella guy.
- Yeah, maybe.
Well-- - Anywho.
- Look, listen-- - We got to the bottom of that.
- Greater minds than ours have tried to solve
the Jet Tame Impala thing over the years and failed.
Guys, we're not gonna solve
the great Australian rock wars today
here in Los Angeles, California.
Okay, but you know what I'll say.
I do think that binaries are often false,
often uninteresting,
often the place where small minds want to live.
I love synthesis, so here's what I hope.
- Bernie Sanders and Pete Buttigieg.
- No, we don't need that.
What I hope is--and you know, I don't know him,
but we got friends in common with Kevin,
and I've always gotten the impression
that he's a super down-to-earth dude.
I could be totally wrong here, but picture this.
This is a story that would warm my heart.
You know, maybe one day, Kevin Parker sits down
to do an interview with some snarky music outlet,
and they're just like, "Kevin, what you've done
"for the Australian psych rock community
"with the global success of Tim Paul's amazing."
And the truth is, if I can say so myself,
Australia, between AC/DC and you guys,
they didn't produce anything good.
In fact, they produced some really bad stuff,
such as "Jet."
And, you know, if you remember,
their second album had the monkey [bleep]
in its mouth, "0.0 Pitchfork Review,"
and Kevin said--and they're kind of like laughing,
and Kevin's just like, "I fell to see
"what's so funny about that."
And they're just like, "Oh, well, you know,
"everybody hated that album,
"and they kind of made fun of this band."
And Kevin's like, "I never made fun of that band.
"I looked up to them.
"When I was a young boy in Perth, Australia,
"there weren't that many rockers
"five to ten years older than me.
"Jet was one of them.
"And actually, before that, I had dog [bleep] taste in music.
"When they first came on, I said, 'What is this?'
"I heard this kind of amp buzz very quietly
"in the back of 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl?'
"And I said to my dad, 'What's that sound?
"'I'm not used to hearing this when the stereo
"pop production.'"
And he said, "Well, Kevin, that's a sound you'd associate
"with a kind of loose feel of analog rock and roll."
And that set me down a path, an interest in production.
And I'll tell you what, their second album,
I think, is even better.
And in fact, part of the reason that I started Tame Impala
was to avenge the absolute disgraceful treatment
of my countryman Jet.
And then this person's just like, they're like,
"You gotta be kidding, Kevin."
They're like, he's like, "Interview's over, mate."
"Mate, f*** off.
"And you know what?
"I'm never gonna sit down with you again, you jerk."
- And I'm taking Jet out as the opening act.
- And then he takes Jet out as the opening act,
and then he produces their next album.
- Huge hit. Just add a bunch of reverb.
- Yeah, you get kind of the best of both worlds.
You get a little bit of that tame brilliance,
and you get a little bit of that meat and potatoes Jet.
And actually, two plus two equals ten.
- Gestalt, folks.
- I love-- - I love this fantasy.
- I want this to happen.
- ♪ It's all part of my rock 'n' roll fantasy ♪
- Wait, how old is Kevin Parker?
- Should we guess?
- 34. - 40.
- No.
- Oh, that was your guess?
- Yeah, that's my guess.
No, is that too old?
- You're just on thinner and thinner ice today, Seinfeld.
- He's leaving.
Oh, Lord.
- How old is he? 30?
- He's 33. - 33?
- Why did I think he was 40?
That's not that crazy of a guess, dude.
- Okay, so he's--
- I would've-- - Two years younger than me.
All right, now how old is Jet?
Is Jet Jetterson?
- Jet Jetterson.
- How old is, like, whatever, the guys in Jet?
- The singer in Jet.
- Lead guitarist Cameron Muncy is 39.
Bassist Mark Wilson is 39.
And brothers Nick and Chris Sester, both 40.
- This is perfect.
These guys are six to seven years older than him.
He's sitting there, he's like 13 or 14,
just kind of getting into music.
These guys are just out on the scene.
You know what?
I wouldn't be shocked if Jet made a big impact
on a young Kevin Parker.
I don't know, I'm probably picturing a Disney movie,
but I just always like that,
the kind of mean-spirited person
just, like, wantonly talking--
grotesquely talking [bleep]
about another group of human beings,
and somebody's kind of like,
"Well, hold your horses there.
I'm not in on the joke, nor do I want to be."
- I'd just like to issue a correction.
Chris Sester is actually 38.
- Why'd you get that wrong the first time?
- I assumed they were twins.
- Oh.
- I don't know why.
They love--the way the Wikipedia--
- Okay, I'll give you a pass on that.
- The Wikipedia was structured.
They lumped them together.
- There's a lot of twins in bands, in rock bands.
- Yeah.
- Seinfeld, I know I've been hard on you on this episode,
but it's only to provide the narrative continuity
for the fall of Seinfeld,
which we've all known the day was gonna come
that we need this arc to kind of, you know,
set things on the proper course
towards "Time Crisis Endgame."
- [laughs]
- But anyway, I just had an idea.
- What's that?
- The theme song for the fall of Seinfeld
should be basically the final countdown.
- ♪ The fall of Seinfeld ♪
♪ Do-do-do-do-do ♪
- Should I hit up Patrick World?
- Yeah, maybe he--and he doesn't have to--
this one doesn't have to be a whole song.
This could just be, like, a bumper.
- Okay.
- Every time you do something like, you know,
another one of, you know, just leave the room...
- Guys. - Without permission.
Just any time something like that happens,
we can just have a cue and just play it.
♪ The fall of Seinfeld ♪
♪ Do-do-do-do-do ♪
- Let me set the scene for listeners at home.
I have a mountain of napkins
that I've been wiping my nose with this whole show.
- It's not true. - I have a--
[laughs]
I have a thing of tea.
You know when you're, like, out of it,
and you're just kind of--
Anyway, um, should we do the top five?
- He's holding his nose... - [laughs]
- To create a kind of stuffed-up effect.
- I would never. This is legit.
- He's crushing brews.
- Still, I like that--
I like that final countdown song.
- Well, it also provides more of an epic quality.
I think--I'm worried that "Time Crisis,"
which started as this kind of more, you know,
sword-and-sandals kind of fantasy epic
good-versus-evil thing
has kind of been reduced to more of, like,
a workplace comedy or something like that.
So I want to get back to our roots.
♪ Big, the fall of Seinfeld ♪
♪ Do-do-do-do-do ♪
Okay.
- It's time for the top five.
- Five on iTunes.
- For this top five,
because this is our last episode of 2019,
we pulled the five most-streamed songs
of the whole year on all of the Apples.
- Gross streams. Net streams.
- This is gross domestic streams.
- Not domestic, dude. Global.
- We're gonna start with number five.
Now, this is interesting, 'cause I've been informed
by our historians that we've barely talked about this artist,
and yet she is one of the biggest artists in the world.
I feel like we have listened to this song, though.
We've never gone deep on Billie Eilish.
- Oh, that's who this is?
- Do you know this song? - No.
- Do you like it?
- Cool, then, so far.
- ♪ White shirt ♪
- Born and raised in Highland Park.
- I know. She goes to the Hive,
which is a hair salon that I go to.
- She just rolls in, "Give me the shake."
- Yeah. People, they were talking about it
last time I was there a few months ago.
- ♪ Both my knees for you don't say thank you ♪
♪ Oh, please, I do what I want when I'm ♪
- Just some classic hair salon gossip.
- Billie was in last week.
- And you're just like, "Squire?"
[laughter]
I'm a huge fan. - Idol?
- [laughs]
- "Jungle?"
- Well, I like this song, and Jake, just so you know,
I've been hearing about Billie Eilish for years.
- Really? What's your backstory?
- I don't particularly have one.
You know, I'm just a music industry insider,
so, you know, when people are hyping somebody
within the industry, it's gonna cross my desk.
I just remember hearing people, like,
just people I knew three or four years ago
being like, "Billie Eilish is gonna blow up.
"This guy Finneas, who's her brother, is the producer."
Like, you know, just people trying to sign them.
Just that kind of stuff. - Yeah.
- And actually, I think Billie Eilish's manager
used to be in "The Hippos" with Ariel.
- Oh, wow. - So a lot of people
don't know that Billie Eilish's team
has a bit of a ska-punk background,
which, you know, I love. - It's a real L.A. story.
- So I've been hearing the name for a while,
and then, you know, I'd always check out the music,
and a lot of her early stuff, that I heard at least,
was, like, very kind of beautiful ballad-type stuff.
And I'd see these pictures of her,
and she has this kind of, like, streetwear,
hip-hop, anime, futuristic, late '90s revival look.
And I was waiting for the music to be, like, more, like, intense.
And I would hear these, like, actually really beautiful ballads.
I was like, "That's a cool contrast."
But I also had this feeling-- I was like,
"If she's as good as everybody says she is,
"at some point--" and clearly, she was already
building this massive fan base, had to put out an album.
"At some point, she and her brother
"are gonna make the right song that's kind of, like,
"explains--" I think a lot of artists have this.
The fans are all in. They get it.
But you still need that one song
that's the thesis statement for other people to get.
I think Billie Eilish was, like, a little bit hard
for, like, the industry at large to fully wrap their head around,
'cause they're like, "Wait, is she badass,
"or is she kind of, like, a gentle ballad-type person?"
And then she drops, essentially, a new-school Eminem song.
- New-school Eminem? - Yeah, listen.
- ♪ I'm the bad guy ♪
♪ Duh ♪
[upbeat music]
- You know what I mean? It's got that kind of, like,
fun Eminem single, circus music.
- Okay.
I'm hearing this one. - ♪ When it's Eminem, then it's Eminem ♪
♪ Then it's Eminem, then it's Eminem, then it's Eminem ♪
You know? Like... - Yeah, yeah.
- And also, the fact that the song is called "Bad Guy,"
it's like a character introduction.
It's a thesis statement. I don't--
I don't know if there's probably a better word for it,
but she basically is like, "I'm the bad guy."
It's like a song like "Desperado" or something.
It's like, this is the character of this music.
I'm this whispery person, but I also do bad [bleep]
and I'm not scared of you. - It's very chill.
- That's what's amazing about her music is that
it's most-- - She's so quiet.
- But this is, like, one of the more hype songs.
- What? Really? - Yeah.
- ♪ Like you're really rough, guy ♪
♪ Just can't get enough, guy ♪
♪ Chest always so puff, guy ♪
♪ I'm that bad type ♪
♪ Make your mama sad, type ♪
♪ Make your girlfriend mad, type ♪
♪ Might seduce your dad, type ♪
♪ I'm the bad guy ♪
- ♪ Duh ♪
- ♪ Duh ♪
- A little bit of butt head in there.
- Yep. - That '90s love.
- Anyway, Jake, did you follow the controversy
with Billie Eilish and Van Halen?
- Yes, I did. - Okay, first of all--
- It seemed like it was kind of set up, though, right?
It was on, like, one of those late night shows?
- Yeah. - Jimmy Kimmel--
- You've heard of-- - Jimmy Kimmel just naming stuff
and she's like-- - Like, who else did he name?
- I don't know. - Roger Daltry,
have you heard of him? No.
[laughter]
Van Halen, no.
She's heard of Van Halen. - Rat with two Ts.
- Right. I mean, Van Halen coming out of Pasadena,
neighboring community to Highland Park.
- That's true. - She knows who Van Halen is.
- But also, I gotta say, every time I see
one of these controversies like this,
if you see, like, a bunch of articles,
like, "Oh, everybody's freaking out,"
and you dig a little deeper and then, like, say,
you go look on Twitter or something,
it's all noise, you know?
Like, the signal-to-noise ratio is all messed up
because basically you'll find hundreds of thousands
of tweets being like, "Leave Billie Eilish alone.
"She's only 17. Of course she doesn't know Van Halen.
"That's old-ass music. Oh, my God.
Why are all these people so upset?"
You see all, like, the commentary that's kind of like,
"Leave her alone," and then you see, of course,
people making jokes just like, "Ah, whatever,"
and you're kind of like, "Where are the outrage tweets?"
And I'm sure they exist here and there,
but it's, like, way more people are talking about it.
Because I think-- - It's hilarious.
- Even if you're, like, a hardcore Van Halen fan,
you're, like, 55 or something, someone's like,
"Yo, you know that Billie Eil--?"
If you're truly a deep Van Halen fan,
you wouldn't know who Billie Eilish is.
It's a weird thing kind of stoked by people
who don't really care about either artist, I think,
who are just kind of, like, stirring the pot.
This happened a lot in hip-hop in the past few years.
They would ask a young rapper, like,
"Do you care about Tupac?"
And they'd just be like, "Not really."
And then it'd just be like, "Oh, [bleep]."
But now it kind of feels so, like--
Yeah, like you said, set up.
- I mean, it's totally conceivable that a 17-year-old
has never heard of Van Halen.
That's not shocking at all.
I kind of think she has,
and I think it was just all play acting for the TV show.
- Well, she's probably pretty savvy.
I'm sure if you're behind closed doors, you're like,
"If you were going on Jimmy Kimmel,
"would it be cooler to say you know Van Halen or you don't?"
It's cooler to say you don't.
I would also say--and I might be wrong here,
but, like, I've never been, like, deep into Van Halen.
- Same here. - I like what I've heard.
But I've always been, like--
I felt like they didn't play much Van Halen
on my local rock radio station.
- Oh, really? I mean, they're playing "Jump."
They're playing "Runnin' with the Devil."
- Not that--my local station had a kind of anti-'80s bias.
So they weren't playing, like-- - I like that.
- They weren't playing classic rock stuff that was, like, synthy.
So, like, they'd never play "Panama."
I mean, I'm sure they did here and there,
but when I think about what they played,
I'm thinking, like, "Boston" more than a feeling.
- Oh, sure. - I'm not picturing '80s Van Halen.
And so I just never felt like I knew Van Halen that much.
My parents definitely didn't give a [bleep] about Van Halen.
And then I would watch, like, VH1 or something,
and for some reason on VH1 and MTV,
whenever they'd do some, like, throwback,
the song they would always reference is "Hot for Teacher."
So for a long time, I was like,
"That's the big Van Halen song, 'Hot for Teacher.'
All right, kind of like a weird goofball novelty song
about being horny for your teacher."
Like, cool. - Pretty weak.
- I was never that big of a fan, and then, like, you know,
I was somewhat familiar with the fact
that they, like, hated each other
and that David Lee Roth was kind of like, "This is wild, dude."
So actually, I saw them once at the Garden.
I think I've talked about this on the show.
And I was just kind of like... - "Why didn't you go?"
- I was just--I don't know, like...
- "Ain't nothing going on." - All the cool kids were going.
I don't know. I was invited to the Garden.
And also, they--I was told that we would be in a box.
So you know you're gonna be having access to chicken wangs.
- Wings and fingers. - Wangs, fangers.
Wangers and fangers. - Maybe a Caesar salad.
- So I'm just saying, I've never been particularly attached
to Van Halen, so, like, I do kind of weirdly feel like--
and maybe because I straddled generations, like, you know,
my parents weren't paying attention to rock music
in the '80s, nor was I. - Yeah.
- So there's a part of me that's kind of like--
I could see if you asked a young artist,
"Do you know the Beatles or the Rolling Stones?"
And they said no, that would seem like they're fronting
because, like, you would absolutely have familiarity
with the name of those artists. - Yeah.
- Led Zeppelin, Nirvana. - Yeah.
- I actually wouldn't put Van Halen, like--
they're definitely not top five bands
in terms of name recognition. - No.
- So I'm already kind of like, that doesn't seem that weird.
- Let's put this to the listeners.
Guys listening at home, do you feel like Billie Eilish
knows who Van Halen really is, or was she fronting?
Tweet us @TimeCrisis2000 on Twitter
and follow us while you're there.
- If you're just tuning in, we've got a breaking story.
It's some of the biggest controversy
in the music industry in years.
Billie Eilish, her parents-- [laughs]
- This is awesome. - Maybe--
- This happened, like, a month ago.
But-- - Maybe it's one of those things
where, like, she couldn't name a Van Halen song,
but if you played her the riff from "Jump,"
she'd be like, "Oh, yeah, okay."
Yeah, that's-- - Yeah.
- Sure. - I was getting my haircut
down at the Hive. - [imitates "Jump" riff]
- Guys, this was only last week.
- Oh, this was only last week?
- Well, this is relatively current for us.
- Yeah. - Was she, like, 17, 18?
I feel like this would be-- - She was definitely born
in the 2000s. - Right.
- Like, this would be, like, asking you as a teenager
if you know, like, the Swig Band all time,
you know what I mean?
- Wait, music from, like, 40 years ago?
- You're talking a band-- - That's not true.
- A band that was massive 20 years before you were born.
- Ezra, are you familiar with Jerry Lewis and the Playboys?
- [laughs] - Gary Lewis and the Playboys.
- No, no, uh, was it Bob Willis and his Texas Playboys?
Oh, no, Gary--Gary and the--
- I was, like, mid-60s, like, kind of, like--
- I'm sure if you sat there with Billie Eilish
and you just, like, grabbed, like, the Rolling Stone,
50 most important bands of all time,
she'd probably know at least, like, 25% of it.
I bet she would know Guns N' Roses.
- For sure.
- Also, like, if you're from L.A.
I know Van Halen's from L.A., but it's, like--
- Pasadena, dude, neighboring community.
- They actually don't-- neighboring community of Pasadena.
I would also make the case that Van Halen kind of, like--
of course they have so many massive songs,
but kind of, like, how I had my weird kind of, like,
confusion with "Hot for Teacher" being, like, their big song.
They don't have a "Welcome to the Jungle."
- "Jump," dude.
- "Jump" is hard to wrap your head around in the 2000s.
- I think that's their biggest song.
- It's a great song, but--
- I think that's as big as "Welcome."
- But "Welcome to the Jungle" is-- it just means more.
It comes up more in conversation.
I make a reference to "Welcome to the Jungle,"
like, once a week. - Sure.
- Because it's the type of thing where something could happen
or you enter a new place
or somebody refers to things having changed
and you can just be like, "Welcome to the Jungle."
- I remember the week I moved to L.A.,
I met up with my uncle, and he was just like,
"So you moved here, huh?
"Welcome to the Jungle, baby."
- Yep, see?
"Welcome to the Jungle" is a very useful phrase,
especially when you live in L.A.
- Yep. - It's definitely one of the
top five best things about L.A.
is that you can say "Welcome to the Jungle" all the time.
- I just did a quick number crutch.
I just want to call out that "Jump" hit number one
on the Billboard Hot 100.
"Welcome to the Jungle" peaked at number seven.
- Also, "Jump" was briefly banned from a lot of radio
after--that was a famous story--
after 9/11, all the big radio conglomerates
put out a list of songs to ban that might be triggering
for people in a time of national mourning,
and I specifically remember me being in high school
and reading, like,
"Van Halen's 'Jump' will no longer be played,"
and I almost remember me being a kid being like,
"Well, I don't give a [bleep]."
- I hate that so much.
- Dude, people were jumping from buildings.
- I know, but dude, it's--
that is the most, like, Orwell [bleep] ever.
- That list is really interesting.
Frank Sinatra, New York, New York.
- Banning?
- Yeah, come on, 9/11,
nobody wouldn't be thinking about New York.
- Tom Petty free-fallin'?
- That is so stupid. - Oh, yeah.
Look, I'm not proud of it,
but I heard "Jump" in December 2001,
and I did make an angry phone call.
[laughter]
- You called Clear Channel.
- Are you out of your goddamn minds?
Anyway, time to move on, but--
- Are we still on the Billie Eilish?
- Now we're on Ariana Grande's "7 Rings."
We heard this song.
- Is this "Small Charcoal Grill"?
- Oh, yeah, this is "Small Charcoal Grill."
These are both artists that are nominated
for Album of the Year, too.
Vampire's way out of our depth in that category.
- ♪ Yeah, breakfast at Tiffany's
♪ And bottles and bubbles
♪ Girls with tattoos
- This kind of has, like, a circus vibe, too.
- Yeah.
Circuscore has always been a part of pop music.
Sometimes it really comes big.
There's a Britney album, I think, that's called "Circus."
I'm sure somebody's written, like, an essay or a thesis
about the circus being the origins
of the American spectacle that became pop music.
- This is more of, like, a haunted carnival
at night kind of vibe. - Right.
- ♪ Make big deposits
♪ My gloss is poppin'
♪ You like my hair?
♪ Gee, thanks, just a'lright
♪ I see it, I like it
♪ I want it, I got it
♪ Yeah, I want it, I got it
- Ariana, big Bernie fan.
- Oh, yeah, I love that. - That was cool.
- I've always had a soft spot for Ariana
because she's originally a Jersey girl.
- ♪ Originally a Jersey girl
- [laughs]
That'd be tight, her next album, "Back to Jersey."
Jersey plates. Ariana Grande jersey plates.
- Good title.
You think Ariana's a Bruce Springsteen fan?
- I think she would know.
Ariana once shouted out "vampire"
in a tweet many moons ago. - Damn, really?
What was the context?
- "I really like Vampire Weekend.
What a cool band.
Uh, smiley face, colon, bracket.
2010."
- Well, long time ago. - Long time ago.
- 4,000 retweets. - Contra era.
Oh, wait, yeah, we actually had some really interesting
discussions about Ariana Grande over the past year-plus.
Remember we talked about she's vegan,
but then she had the kind of cloud macchiato controversy.
- That's right. - What did we say?
We said that maybe-- - It wasn't vegan, right?
- It wasn't vegan, but--
- There was, like, a cloudy egg product in there?
- Yeah, there was eggs in it.
I seem to remember somehow the conversation
got to the place of as somebody with Jersey girl heritage,
even if she's vegan, she should still be allowed
to eat a Veal Parm sub every now and then.
- That's right.
And she's on, like, her, like, PJ--
- Oh, right. - Crushing a Veal Parm.
- If she's in the sky, she can crush a Veal Parm.
On land, she's a vegan.
Do you think anybody identifies that way?
We were talking about being freegan and stuff like that.
Is there anybody who's just like, "I'm a land vegan"?
And you're just like, "What does that mean?"
They're just like, "If I'm in the sky,
"if I'm in a plane or a helicopter, all bets are off.
"If I'm on a boat, maritime dietary law
is totally different."
I would respect that. - Respect it.
- Look, most people are spending most of their time on land.
So that's 90-- [laughs]
Seinfeld, can I get a number crunch?
Average American, what percentage of their life
is spent on land?
- Now! - Now!
- Now, now, now, now! - Now!
- Let's get a number crunch.
- Brought to you by Seinfeld 2000.
- It's 94%. - Really?
- No, I made that up.
- The fall of Seinfeld!
- No, no, no. But...
Ariana Grande is a classic rock fan,
having tweeted about Bruce Springsteen and Aerosmith.
- I like it. She's an East Coast girl.
She likes Vampire Weekend, Bruce, Aerosmith.
Even though she grew up in Florida,
she never forgets her East Coast roots.
I gotta ride for Ariana.
I think it'd be cool to see an Ariana win
for Album of the Year. - That'd be tight.
- If she wins, and then as the little Vampire Weekend
square fades away, you'll catch me being--
nodding. [claps]
And mouthing, like, "That's a real Jersey girl."
"That's a win for Jersey!"
Oh, sorry, real quick sidebar.
I'll play the next Ariana Grande song as we talk.
- Oh, she has two on the top five?
- Yeah, she crushed it. This is--thank you, Next.
This is a good song.
A, Ariana being out there for Bernie.
Gotta love it. - Strong choice.
- Strong choice. And not only did she, like,
tweet at him, they met in person,
and she's really shouting him out, so...
Ariana, you're a legend. That's very cool.
The other thing I was gonna say is,
we talk a lot about branded Twitter on this program,
and recently, the latest account to go really viral
was New Jersey. New Jersey has a Twitter account.
- I miss this. - And they've been
kind of tweeting wild stuff, and somebody said--
this is the official New Jersey account.
And somebody tweeted at them,
"Who gave New Jersey a Twitter account?"
You know, trying to talk sh--,
and New Jersey quote tweeted and wrote, "Your mom."
How many retweets does that currently have, Seinfeld?
- So that's an employee of, like, the state.
State tourism board. - I think technically--
- That's such an on-brand Jersey response.
- I was talking about it with Cousin Asher.
He's also a Jersey guy, and he was like,
"No other state could tweet that,
and it would feel on-brand."
And then I was like, "What about Florida?"
He was like, "Florida would be, like, way harsher."
Just like, "Go f--- yourself. F--- my d---."
- That's 83,000 retweets right there.
- 83,000 retweets. - Two words.
- So I saw that, and I was kind of like, "You know what?
We talk so much s--- about the people
running these lame brand Twitters,
but I love it. They got nothing to sell.
It's just Jersey being Jersey. I actually liked it."
And then I see Stakehams trying to get in the mix.
- Oh, jeez. - Provoke the--
I was just like, "Go to hell."
Stakehams just-- New Jersey was--
We talked about it on the show once,
the pork roll versus Taylor ham.
Two different words in different parts of Jersey
for the same meat product.
And so they were-- Like, Jersey was like,
"Which is your favorite?"
And then Stakehams was like, "Um, what about us?"
And then Jersey, like, quote-tweeted,
wrote, "What about you?"
Also being snarky, but I was like,
"Now I'm seeing Stakehams' whack brand
quote-tweeted by Jersey.
I don't like this."
And I actually thought about-- I didn't want to get it involved,
but I thought about tweeting at Jersey like,
"Guys, you're off to a great start.
You've won the hearts of the nation.
Don't engage with these f---ing sharks."
If they want to horse around with, like,
the Connecticut Twitter, that's fun.
Oh, love that. State on state.
Yeah.
Yo, I just realized something.
Sorry, Ariana.
Thank you, "Next" is an unequivocally great song,
but we don't need to talk about it.
I just realized something, Jake.
What?
Goose is from Connecticut.
Mahali is from Jersey.
Twiddle versus Goose is--
Whether or not they actually have beef,
it is an intra-tri-state rivalry.
It's a tri-state showdown.
So actually--
That's big.
The Twiddle vampire tour is a Jersey tour.
A Mountain Brews Goose tour would be a Connecticut tour.
But maybe we could somehow make it a fun thing
where it's the New Jersey versus Connecticut tour.
Kind of like there was a Drake versus Lil Wayne tour.
I don't know what happened on that tour,
but there was some element of gamesmanship.
I went to it.
What happened?
They fought each other, right?
Yeah.
They fought each other.
It was just like a straight-up UFC cage match.
It was a very well-done, high-concept tour
where they would each come out and do their own set,
and then they would perform the last set sort of together.
And in the audience, you could rate who performed better.
Like using an app or something?
Yeah.
But they had also-- it was a tiered stage.
So it was done like a video game.
They actually had the people that designed Tekken
design all of the merch.
It was really pretty wild.
It was like Marvel versus Capcom.
Yeah.
Or Twiddle versus Goose.
Marvel versus Scorsese.
In my day, we were just worried about Marvel versus Capcom.
Hyper-specific.
Jake, do you even know what Marvel versus Capcom is?
No.
Right.
What's Capcom?
Capcom is a video game company.
They made like Street Fighter and stuff.
So that was a video game where you could play like--
you'd be like Spider-Man versus Blanca.
That's actually who designed it.
Capcom is the one who designed the tour.
I like the idea that we make this one giant show.
It's Connecticut versus Jersey.
Yeah.
Of course, like any kind of showdown, like the Super Bowl,
it has to be on neutral ground.
California.
Could be California.
Troubadour.
Could be at the Troubadour.
We are here in the great state of Oklahoma--
[LAUGHTER]
--to bring you, good people of Oklahoma,
we have brought a regional conflict to your great state.
[LAUGHTER]
Konichiwa, Osaka.
[LAUGHTER]
What's like the most neutral place?
Oh, no.
You know what it is?
It's The Hague in the Netherlands.
Oh, my god.
That sounds so uninspiring.
OK, the number two song, Post Malone and Sway Lee, "Sunflower."
This is a massive song.
Well, it's a cool one.
Yeah, this is a good song.
[MUSIC - POST MALONE, "SUNFLOWER"]
So far, everything kind of mellow.
Yeah.
It's a mellow year.
[MUSIC - POST MALONE, "SUNFLOWER"]
Great song.
Post Malone just continues to crush it.
This song is already his old muse for him.
This song came out in 2018, actually.
He's got a big song with Ozzy Osbourne right now.
Right, I think we heard it on the show.
Yeah.
Do you think Billie Eilish has heard it with him?
Ozzy?
Definitely.
From the show?
Yeah, from reality TV.
Well, think about it.
She would have been really young when the show was popping.
I hate to say it.
I don't want to wade into what already is a fake controversy
that nobody actually cares about.
But I like some of the Van Halen stuff.
But they're freaking random.
I'm sorry, Van Halen's freaking random.
Do you know what I mean?
They're stuck in an era, you're saying.
Yeah, do you know what I mean?
They're freaking random.
Right.
Dude, I was talking to this contractor last week.
About what kind of rock he was into?
Well, actually, it did come up.
He told me that he's a big Ozzy fan,
that he doesn't like Sabbath.
What the hell?
I was like, what the hell?
This guy was like mid-50s.
And he's like, I'm really into the crazy train stuff.
He's a Randy Rhoads fan.
Yeah, no, he specifically shouted out Randy Rhoads.
I was like, you like the first Sabbath album and stuff?
And he's like, you know what?
My wife and I put that on last year, and it's just too dark.
Whoa.
Not a Sabbath guy.
Osborne, soul and material.
That's like the TC heads who don't [BLEEP] with Vampire Weekend.
Wait, by the way, I was thinking about this
when we were talking about Billie Eilish and how young she is.
We got a very funny email.
This is from a young person named Vera.
Let's go to the time crisis mailbag.
Subject, time crisis.
Dear Jake Longstreth and Ezra Koenig of the internet radio show Time Crisis,
my name is Vera.
I'm a middle school student at an NYC public school.
I like that she specified public school.
Gives her more credibility.
I'm a huge fan of Time Crisis, and I've re-listened to all of the episodes
multiple times.
Wow.
Yeah, that would require just years.
You couldn't be a full-time public school student and pull that off.
Well, maybe a lot.
I've mentioned Time Crisis to many acquaintances of mine
and recommend it.
Thank you.
You know, I don't say this enough, but Time Crisis thrives on word of mouth.
A few of these acquaintances got back to me
and either said it was lame or boring,
or they didn't get or understand what you were talking about.
Such topics include the McRib, Seinfeld, and the Grateful Dead.
Which brings me back to my initial question,
what age group is Time Crisis targeted towards?
Sincerely, Vera, a fan of the show.
Is this email fake?
What was your guy's gut?
No.
What was your blink moment?
I bought it.
You buy that this is a middle schooler?
That didn't even cross my mind that it was fake.
Yeah.
What would be the end game?
Just the part--
I'm just saying, such topics include the McRib, Seinfeld,
and the Grateful Dead.
I guess by middle school, there's something about the sense of humor
that I felt like--
No, you're right.
I could buy that it's a real middle school student.
And I also buy that her friends thought the show was lame and boring.
I mean, what are they into?
Fortnite?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Billie Eilish and Fortnite.
It's a cool vibe.
It's a little bit hard for me to understand what anybody of any age
would make of this show if you were just like recommended an episode.
Right.
I could see that somebody might recommend one of the big guest interviews.
Right.
Like definitely a lot of people brought up the Justin Vernon interview
because that's the type of thing that you're going to get just like a
Boney Ver fan is going to check it out.
But even if you were like a fan-- if you're like a real TC head
and you're trying to get somebody in, you're like,
you knew they liked Boney Ver, you might be like, check out that episode.
Then they listen to the one after, you're probably just like,
what the [bleep] is this?
Right.
Yeah, I don't know.
When they break down Jet versus Tim and Paula, it's so sick.
I mean--
Even that's an easier entry point than--
The McRib.
Yeah.
Lonnie's dad.
Yeah, if you can't understand why Jake's Lonnie's dad story
is one of the greatest stories of all time, you're never going to get TC.
I also feel it's funny because you can't really-- you can't be like,
you know what, you really got to start at the beginning.
Right, because that would throw people off too because--
what's the fan consensus, Seinfeld?
When does TC really find its voice?
People say episodes like 60 or like what--
[laughter]
No, I've been--
You're serious?
I've been creeping, yeah, because it was the run--
people will often say the run between Lonnie's dad and--
[laughter]
It's about 120 hours worth of tape.
They started to figure out what they were doing.
Now that we're so deep, are we ready to have a Talking Dead post show?
[laughter]
That's just a couple TC heads.
Yeah, I would say the show really found its voice in that run
between Lonnie's dad and--
A Star is Born, probably.
I hope earlier than that.
Well, there's another fact--
Some people will also say that like--
We lost our voice then?
No, no, the show--
you know, the first few episodes, it was really finding its footing.
Oh, yeah, of course.
The first five episodes or something.
We didn't know what was going on.
We were like, "Oh, we're going to crash."
Although the first episode--
Wait, the first episode is Mark Ronson, right?
Yeah, that's right.
And isn't Rashida on that episode?
We had Rashida--
A lot more music back then.
We had way more music.
A lot of Billy Joel.
I had to fight tooth and nail against the powers that be.
I said, "You know what, guys?
Nobody likes music anymore.
Trust me.
I'm a musician.
I'm on the front lines.
Music is over."
Music's for squares.
Music's for squares.
And finally let me turn this into what it is--
a real internet talk radio show.
Yeah, we had some of Rashida's son and some of her--
because that's when I was really trying to make it a professional show.
So I was like, Rashida has all these amazing stories.
And they're so short, some of them.
Like, oh, I went to the prom with Robin Thicke or something.
You know, "Bubbles" bit me.
I was like, "All right, that could be great."
You know, just like a real show with segments and moments and stuff.
Yeah, you got Desus and Mero on their first episode.
That's right.
Gerard was early on.
Yeah, Azealia Banks.
Oh, yeah.
Shout out to Azealia.
I was on that app.
Right.
I think it was my first app.
That was a pretty legendary post-show dinner.
Yep.
Me, you, Azealia, Rashida.
Yep.
Wow.
Maybe Seinfeld wasn't on there yet.
No, Seinfeld came in--
No, I didn't come in.
--because Seinfeld was still in Canada.
That's right.
We used to do those post-show dinners.
Yeah.
We did that like--
Oh, what was that?
--a lot of--
Six, eight times probably.
Wow.
Well, I think also because back then, Jake, you were still kind of like a guest.
Yeah.
So you weren't an official part of the structure.
Right.
You know, so I kind of felt like Jake's being nice by being a guest on the show should take
him out to dinner.
Very sweet of you.
We had some good dinners.
Did you guys go to dinner with JB Fox?
No, he had to leave.
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, I invited him personally to stick around and have dinner with us.
I mean, he has core Crisis crew.
I don't know why he would have bailed.
Maybe we got to get Jamie back on the program.
Yeah.
Anyway, it's no surprise what the number one most streamed song of the year is.
Wait, let me guess.
I can't guess.
You know what it is.
In your heart.
Man or woman.
I believe this person identifies as a man.
Can I give you a hint?
Actually, it's two men.
Give me a hint.
One-- yeah.
It's two men.
Album of the year nominee.
An album of the year nominee, but kind of a little shorter than most albums.
Oh, oh, oh.
Old Town Road.
Old Town Road.
Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus.
Right.
God, this is random.
This is the number one song.
The two albums from Columbia Records that are up for album of the year, Vampire and Lil Nas X.
That's tight.
Old Town Road, I'm gonna ride till I can't no more.
Gonna take my horse to the Old Town Road.
I'm gonna ride till I can't no more.
I got the horses in the back.
Horse tack is attached.
Hattie's maddie black.
Everybody loves Lil Nas X.
I was sad to see he was tweeting about-- what did he tweet, Seinfeld?
He was just saying, like, Vampire Weekend just, like, needs to step it up.
All this stuff.
No, I don't know.
He said he has so much respect for all of his fellow nominees except for Vampire Weekend.
That he's depressed and that he can get down.
I think it was probably sort of in response to Juice WRLD.
Oh, yeah.
RIP Juice WRLD.
Man.
He said, "I like to pretend hate and s--t don't get to me, but subconsciously it eats away at me.
Feeling like you have the world and knowing it can all go away at any time is scary.
With all this being said, I don't want anybody who cared enough to read this to just live in the moment.
Love you guys."
Oh, I want everybody to live in the moment.
And then he followed it up.
"Usually I deal with my sad times in private because I don't like for my fans or family to feel sorry for me.
This year had a lot of very high ups and extremely low downs.
When you get that hotel room and it's just you, you do a lot of thinking.
Small things become so big."
Wow.
I mean, it's not hard to imagine.
It is funny.
It's one of those things that the world will never believe.
I think we've talked about this before, the common theme, like going back to the Eagles and before.
Even A Star is Born, going back to the original A Star is Born, the '20s or '30s or whatever,
this theme that fame, this coveted thing, almost invariably brings some type of misery.
And yet Don Henley can make his best case to try to help people understand that fame can be like a prison,
and yet every generation, it's kind of like a blank slate.
You got to learn these lessons yourself.
And I'm sure there's more to the story of what he's saying, these extremely low points,
but at least one thing he's saying is that all his success has brought anxiety of not being successful in the future.
That's some real s***.
You get used to being successful and having fans and things like that.
It's not that easy to say, "Well, it's great. I had that for a minute. Some people never have that.
Now let me just go back to being me riding horses."
But you know what? That's the f***ed up thing.
It's very Fitzgeraldian.
You can't go back to the old town road.
You're in the new town now.
And you know what's also f***ed up is like,
I wonder if one of the reasons that seeing somebody like Lil Nas X say that is very affecting to people.
And this is at least one thing that crossed my mind as an artist.
You look at somebody like Lil Nas X, somebody who can create literally the most streamed song of the whole year,
the biggest song, and it's half a joke song.
It's like literally, he's not a cowboy and he had this song.
It's like it has a kind of serious tone,
but he's somebody who started out basically being a Twitter comedian slash tweet deck or whatever.
It's almost like Pagliacci or something where it's like there's some people who their music
and their public image, I think it's also why I don't want to go too extreme,
but you know, maybe think about Rob Williams or something.
When there's people who's everything about their public persona and their art is about life is pain and suffering.
And sometimes part of why we love to see like a funny person win or somebody who makes a song that wasn't even supposed to be a hit single.
It's so pleasant because it's almost like they're disconnected from this brutal competitive world we live in.
They remind us that life's not that serious.
You can have a laugh and this like random song about horses, let's get Billy Ray Cyrus.
And now it's the biggest song.
In some ways, that's a more life affirming thing than when like some intense ballad goes to number one.
Like it rules that like a young kid made a joke song and it like kind of changed culture.
And you also hope that because the song has a lightness about it,
you would hope that the person does too, that they'd be a little more immune to some of this stuff.
But then he's keeping it real talking about these things.
And it reminds you, even the person who made the fun novelty song,
they get weighed down by the same anxieties that a Tom York or something would be.
Everybody's worried about what's going to happen to me tomorrow.
Will the things that feel good in my life now still feel good in the future?
Can I feel comfortable?
Am I isolated or alone?
You know, he's talking about being alone in the hotel room.
So anyway, the one thing we can say is that these feelings are somewhat universal.
Different people have different ways of dealing with them,
but it's kind of amazing how universal feelings of isolation and anxiety are across industries
and certainly within industries.
So, you know, ending 2019 on a somewhat darker note, but...
You want to end on a slightly more positive note?
We could take a listen to our friend Patrick World, who gave us a TC year in review.
Okay, this is perfect.
And also keep your eyes peeled, Time Crisis 2000,
because we're going to be giving away all sorts of T-shirts that we've amassed over the years.
Some that we made, a lot of bootleg stuff that's been sent our way.
And we want to give back to the community.
And Seinfeld, this is actually a real number crunch,
because when I deputized you to create and sell the popcorn raisin shirts,
I was very specific about the fact that the proceeds from these sales,
the money that we got from the deep fat-pocketed meat-eater fans,
would be turned around and sent to the broke vegan TC heads,
people who help the world by not eating meat, but don't have the money or the resources
to do it in a way that's easy.
So, I'm almost scared to ask, because for all I know,
and during the fall of Seinfeld, you've lost your moral compass,
and for all I know, the money's gone.
Please tell me this money has made it to the broke vegans.
When that directive went out, Ezra, I took it seriously.
I took a solemn pledge to make sure that those broke vegans were supported
by some ethical merch that also itself supports a great cause,
which is the awareness of popcorn and raisins as a delicious combination
of two beloved snack foods.
And what I will say is that we were able to generate $1,511.71 in profits.
- In profits? - Correct.
- Wow. - So, once you divide that by the 25 broke vegans
who have emailed us, each with their own very specific case,
they are each left with $60.46, which will be disseminated among them via PayPal,
because I'm Canadian, I'm not really up on Venmo,
and that'll all be dispersed before the end of the year.
- Wow. 60 bucks ahead, that's no joke. - Yeah.
Especially come around Christmas time, people got to buy stocking stuffers
and things of that nature, people got to tighten their belts a little bit.
$60 is a tidy sum.
So I'm glad that's all going out to the broke vegan community,
and I want to personally thank-- - You're welcome.
- All the people who bought the popcorn and raisins shirts.
- Sure, and just the whole-- - And by the way, Seinfeld,
please forward me the Excel spreadsheet.
I need to double-check those numbers. - Well, I would never abscond with the bread,
and I will gladly send you those numbers.
Probably the most important number crunch I've done this year.
So, you know, shout-out to myself as far as my own involvement in all of this.
- Big money. - Let's do this Patrick World song.
- All right. - Signing off.
- Signing off for 2019. This is the Crisis Crew.
Thanks to everybody for listening. We'll be back real soon.
2020 is going to be the biggest and best year for the TC community yet.
I guarantee it.
We're going to continue with all the great TC segments that you love,
whether it's Top 5 or talking about classic rock.
We're definitely going to be continuing the Fall of Seinfeld narrative arc,
which has just been getting rave reviews across the mediasphere.
Have a safe and pleasant holiday season.
Here's Patrick World with "It's the End of the TCU Season, Rise and Shine."
This year it started with a real bang
Talking 'bout the Jamflow man, Ezra Jake and all the gang
New VW, tracks dropped two by two
Seinfeld's in Japan, only calls and when he can
Harmony Hall video, best spot on the show
Telling us our president's hat's from an egg
Ariana Grande with the cloud macchiato
Also, Bebe Rexha did a weird potato chip collabo
Cassie Davis noshes but she's interested in topics like the BJU
Eva Longoria, she'll direct the origin story of Flamin' Hot Cheetos
Mountain Brews, Mountain Time, Weird Beto, Subject Line, Subway Series, Portmanteau
NYC Homecoming Show, Huey Lewis, Bon Iver, Popcorn Race is finally here
Steve Miller, full of hate, Canada Kick on Paula's way
Father of the Bridesman, it's really been a ride there
Grammy nominees
It's the end of the TCU season
Rise and shine
Love instead
Ava Gridge on Sunday mornings
Time Crisis on Beats 1
(swoosh)
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