Episode 109: Breaking Down the Grammys
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Transcript
Time Crisis back once again.
It's Super Bowl Sunday.
But we still have to talk about last Sunday.
This is a major Sunday.
Many Sundays at the same time.
We'll be talking about the Grammys,
sports,
Snickers, Boston Accents,
all that, plus the greatest hits of 1967 and 1993.
This is a very special Sunday of Sundays on...
Time Crisis with Ezra King.
Be-be-be-be-be-be-beast.
One.
There was a felled wobbly leaf of my rightful chances.
My picture clear, everything seemed so easy.
And so I dealt you the blow, one of us had to go.
Now it's different, I want you to know.
One of us is crying, one of us is lying.
Leave the lonely man.
Time Crisis back once again.
Rolling in, hard commute over here to Culver City.
Slamming pizza pre-show.
Just crushing some slices.
Do you still say "za"?
Yeah. Is it kind of basic now?
That's a good question.
Feel free to tweet @TimeCrisis2000, let us know how you feel.
I feel like you've been saying "za" for a long time,
and the way that you always said it, you were just like a chilled out dude.
Whereas like, I think there became something on the internet
about being really into pizza that became kind of lame.
So when you say it, I'm still down.
I think I'm like 20 years deep on saying "za".
Listen man, whatever people are talking, memes people are sharing on Facebook,
I've been crushing "za" for 20 years, and I'm not going to stop.
I'm old school.
I remember saying it around my parents' house, like, "Oh, let's get some za."
My dad just being like, "What? What are you saying?"
You know, like, "Pizza. Za."
So it just came to you?
Yeah.
I remember thinking this is really pushing it with the abbreviations,
but I'm going to give it a spin.
It makes a lot of sense.
You know what it is?
I like the way that you deliver it, because when you say, like, "Let's get some za,"
I was slamming some "za."
You just sound like a hungry dude who doesn't have time to say the whole thing,
versus I feel like there's this type of fetishization of being into pizza.
If somebody's just like, "Is it za time?"
And it's like, "Chill."
Calm down.
Being really into pizza.
Being really into anything.
I was watching--I was, like, really stoned a few weeks ago at my house.
Which I don't usually--
Yeah, I know.
People probably assume that you're a huge stoner.
I'm not.
Yeah, just time to time.
The guy that owns the gym that I go to gave me some pot brownies that he made.
Whoa.
And they were, like, fierce.
And I went in on one one night.
But then I started watching this David Chang cooking show.
I think that's his name, right?
Oh, I've heard about this.
Yeah, yeah.
And, like, they're going around from, like, high-end pizzeria to high-end pizzeria.
Yeah.
Really parsing the differences between these restaurants.
Yeah.
But I was so baked, and I was like, "Dudes, it's pizza."
Yeah.
"It's all good."
Right.
"Who cares?"
Like, "Oh, there's, like, arugula on here.
Who cares?
It's going to be good."
I know what you mean.
I was, like, so tripped out.
I find, at times, when I'm really baked--
On the one hand, being really baked, if you're, like, absorbing the right thing,
because you're a little bit in slow motion, you can be like,
"Whoa, there's this whole dimension of this that I never saw before."
On the other hand, when you're really baked, because you're in slow motion,
if something feels--
And, by the way, I ride for David Chang.
Oh, yeah.
Great restaurateur.
I'm sure.
I'm just covering my base.
I've never had his food, but--
He's a good dude.
But if I'm really baked and I'm in a situation that maybe has a lot of pretense--
[laughter]
--or formality--
The first time I remember having this feeling, actually, it was kind of different.
I was just at a concert in Brooklyn when I used to live in Brooklyn,
and I just went to a show, and I just remember, like, seeing this band.
You know, they were making some waves at the time,
and I just remember being in the audience and just being like, "Yo, this sucks."
Like, in a way that I wouldn't have felt normally.
And I was just, like, seeing it in slow motion.
And I got a little high once at a semi-formal event where somebody was, like, speaking a lot.
And I just remember, again, hearing this [bleep] in slow motion,
just being, like--a little bit out of character, just like, "Dude, shut the [bleep] up, man."
I know. It's funny when weed makes it--puts you in, like, a negative headspace, but it's kind of fun.
It's kind of fun, but you're just like--it does seem like the scales fall from your eyes.
You're getting weed-pilled.
You're literally getting weed-pilled, where you're just like, "Dude, who cares?"
And I could totally picture that, like, watching a show, just like, "Oh, my God, who gives a [bleep]?"
It only happens every now and then.
We were, like, so serious about this pizza.
Man, it's pizza.
People probably think we're both big stoners.
I've had, like, stoner moments in life.
I wouldn't say it's an everyday thing, but just a couple of being a little too stoned stories come to mind.
That also involved, like, the way you interpret something.
This was, like, only half negative.
I wonder if I've told this story.
And also, by the way, sometimes when you're in a situation that's pretense
and you feel like you're super high and you're seeing through it,
it doesn't mean you're right, necessarily.
You were in a special state of mind.
I remember this time in college that a bunch of us were kind of stoned.
And I was, like, more stoned than I thought.
We'd, like, walk out onto the streets.
We went down to Coronet's Pizza, which is the go-to pizza by Columbia.
They do a big slice.
The guy in front of us, there was a kind of, you know, collegiate guy.
And I was, like, watching him, just, like, watching the back of his head, him talking to his friend.
And I'm just, like, already in my head just being, like, "Oh, my God, man.
Shut the f--- up."
You know, I'm, like, a mellow guy, but I was in that slightly negative head space
where I'm just, like, listening to these guys have a conversation.
I'm just thinking, like, "Oh, my God. What the f---?"
And then anyway, so then they get to the front of the line.
They each order their slice.
And then the guy that I've been looking at goes, "Can I get a large orange soda?"
And I died.
You just--
Oh, my God.
Just picture that.
You're in that negative head space, and the dude gets an orange soda.
Orange, bro.
I think if I wasn't high, I almost might have given him a tip of the hat.
Like, interesting choice.
Solid choice.
But at the time, I was probably thinking, like, "Bro, you're 19, drinking orange?
Oh, my God."
And I'm not even anti-orange soda, but the idea of this dude just, like, eating this huge slice of pizza
with, like, a big orange soda, I was just, like, in my weird high and negative logic
of already, like, being like, "This guy just won't shut up, man."
I get real quiet, so I'm like, "This guy won't f---ing shut up."
And then he gets an orange soda.
It was just, like, so on brand.
It was, like, the perfect punchline in that bizarre logic, and I was just, like, dying.
It's also funny the--
And this is more of a public service announcement.
You know, you really got to be careful with edibles.
It's no joke.
I once was solo at home, and I felt like getting a little high.
I looked around, and all I could find was, like, some big cookie.
And it was one of those ones, you know, California-style legal weed cookie,
probably given as a gift.
Nobody in our household is, like, buying that.
So this was a big weed cookie, and I looked at the whole thing, and the whole thing was, like, 100 milligrams,
which is a lot, unless you're, like, a super, super stoner.
I think, like, 5 to 10 is plenty.
Wow.
But I look at 100, so I'm like, "All right, 100.
I'm going to eat a very small bite of this."
But then you got your hot spots.
You know, if it's not--
Oh, is that a thing?
I had this conversation once with, like, a real weed-type person.
They were like, "Got to watch out for the hot spots, man," because, you know--
It's not a uniform density.
So, you know, I eyeballed it, and I was like, "What do I think would be at, like, less than a tenth of this cookie?"
And I ate it.
It must have all been in one chocolate chip or something because I was just so baked,
and I felt it coming on.
I was like, "Holy s---," and I was, like, alone at home.
And it was the first time I ever watched "Hypernormalization."
Oh, dude.
Adam Curtis.
So--and that was--I was, like, freaked out, but I kind of enjoyed it
because that's--instead of that "shut the f--- up" vibe, it was more just like--
Whoa!
That is a perfect doc to watch in that state.
By the way, any TC head should watch "Hypernormalization" by Adam Curtis.
Oh, yeah.
We haven't done that joke in a while, but when we used to go--
It's a real touchstone.
This is a fantasy.
We're kind of doing an impersonation of Adam Curtis.
He's a documentarian.
"Hypernormalization," not everybody agrees with his theses.
Very talented man, though.
Definitely.
It gets you thinking.
There's that part where they're talking about in the years leading up to 9/11,
disaster movies were very popular, and so they have this whole sequence of visions
of, like, you know, Independence Day, the White House getting destroyed,
all these movies from, like, the late '90s, early 2000s
that just show stuff being destroyed.
And the song behind it is the suicide song "Dream Baby Dream."
You know, Bruce did a good cover of this.
Yeah, sure, sure.
Classic.
So this is from--I just picture being, like, super high and, like, this coming in.
This is also the type of song that's, like--it's almost like feels like a massage
when you're high and just, like, watching all this [bleep] blow up.
The sequence felt like it was two hours, and I just, like, by myself, like, mouth open.
Holy [bleep]
Thought about getting big for the Grammys. Didn't do it.
That would have been a true, like, "Dude, shut the f up" moment.
Drank a little tequila at the Grammys.
Nice, dude. Pre or post?
It was during the televised part. Some of our compatriots somehow, like, bounced for a while
and were, like, up in somebody's box.
Because, you know, it's just like any event at the Stable Center.
There's corporate boxes.
Somebody ended up there, and they were just like, "Oh, yo, brought down some, like,
real high school style, just, like, a Poland Spring bottle with some tequila in it."
And we're like, "All right." Took it back to our seats, just like--
So there's no alcohol allowed on, like, the general floor?
I don't even know what's going on.
It's like, once the show starts, you can't, like, get nachos or chicken tenders anymore.
Are those available pre-show?
I think they're-- it was slightly available.
At some point in the middle of the show--
That's hilarious.
I walked back up to, like, the area that encircles the actual arena where there's vendors and stuff.
And the only thing you could buy was water.
Well, people were probably in, like, their fancy clothes, and they didn't want to be eating, like, nachos and hot dogs.
Maybe. But people get hungry because it takes so long.
How long is the ceremony? How long were you there?
Well, we might as well go through the whole day.
First of all, congratulations.
Oh, thank you.
Let's just do a little Grammy blow-by-blow here.
[applause]
[laughter]
All right, it's time for-- and we kind of-- actually, Seinfeld, on the Twitter, he already kind of billed this as, like,
"This is going to be our big Grammy episode."
Right, right.
I don't know if we have time to make it the whole Grammy episode, maybe get in a little Super Bowl later.
This is a big weekend.
Huge.
I was just in Iowa with Bernie Sanders.
I regret I was not there.
I mean, there's so much to talk about, but yeah, let's start with the Grammys.
"Father of the Bride" wins second-- your second consecutive Grammy for best alternative album? Is that--
We were looking it up. These are the artists who have won three.
That category is interesting. I've seen this before.
Who was the last artist to win two-- win consecutive Grammys?
So there's three artists who have won three, and there's two artists who have won two.
For alternative album we're talking about?
Yeah. Which artists do you think have won-- and keep in mind, that category started in, like, 1990.
Radiohead?
Yes, that's one of them.
So they won, like, OK Computer, Kid A, and Amnesiac?
I'm going to look it up to know for sure.
Radiohead won that for--
That's not consecutive.
No, not consecutive, but just period.
They won for OK Computer--
In Rainbows, and Kid A.
So they won consecutively with OK--
Three albums in a row.
OK Computer and Kid A.
Oh, yeah, not Amnesiac.
Right. So they've won three total, but two consecutive.
What other artists do you think have won three?
Um, Beck?
Yeah. Look at you, Jake.
Pulled that out.
Beck won three for Odelay in '97, then Mutations in 2000, and then he won for Colors last year.
And there's one other artist who ever won three.
Got our two for two here.
Yeah, this one's a little harder.
What era?
They really came to prominence in the early 2000s.
Arcade Fire? No.
That's a good guess, but no.
Strokes?
I think you should have thought about that one more, Jake.
Not to be hard on, but I'm just saying--
What, they dropped off so hard for the first record? Is that what you mean?
Well, I don't think they did at all, but that was-- the haters tried to say that.
Although, shout out to the Strokes. They're doing a show for Bernie, too.
I saw that.
Up in New Hampshire.
I like the second record.
Second record's great.
Yeah.
Third record's solid, and then fourth through however many, all have tunes.
But there's another artist that came out around the same time as the Strokes--
Wilco?
That had-- also a decent guess, but also Wilco came out earlier.
But there's another artist that came out around the same time as the Strokes
who had more-- probably equal impact,
but had more albums that kind of just like people rallied behind as albums.
The Strokes always got a harder time just 'cause the first album's just like so out of this world.
Right.
Almost came out at the exact same time.
Another New York band?
No. They're from another part of the country, and there's actually--
[laughter]
They did a kind of legendary--
It's a great segment.
They did a legendary set of concerts where when these guys came to New York,
they opened for the Strokes, and then they took the Strokes back to their city of origin,
and the Strokes opened for them.
I'm really--
I'm going to name the albums that they won for.
Okay.
2004, they won their first Best Alternative Grammy for "Elephant."
Okay, I'm drawing a blank here.
In 2006, they scored another with "Get Behind Me, Satan."
Wow.
And then in 2008--
This is not a band that I'm very familiar with.
In 2008, they got their third and final Best Alternative Grammy with "Icky Thump."
This is amazing.
[laughter]
I've never heard of any of those albums.
Really?
No.
"Icky Thump."
[laughter]
Yeah.
Wait, can you just play one of their songs, play their top song?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
And I'll just see if I recognize it.
Yeah.
You will.
[laughter]
Because their top song is just so massive.
Remember I said they have--
It's not "Arcade Fire."
It's not.
They have one song that is like truly--
It's probably the biggest--
Oh, "White Stripes."
Yes.
[singing]
You could probably make the case that this is the biggest rock song--
I think we touched on this one.
--of the past 20 years.
Yeah, there's no Stroke songs that are played during timeouts at like basketball games.
Last night!
[laughter]
I could do that at like a Knicks game or something.
Yeah.
They're gonna rip it off.
Taking their time right behind my back.
And I'm talking to myself at night because I can't forget.
Back and forth through my mind behind a cigarette.
And a message coming from my eyes says leave it alone.
Were you ever a White Stripes guy?
No, I never got the appeal.
Even that song, I'm just sort of like, it's so basic.
It's not like a cool melody.
It doesn't really rock.
I don't know.
It doesn't rock?
I mean, it kind of does.
It just was like--
OK, but I do have to say that--
I don't know.
--that saying it's not a very good melody is a little bit funny when it's literally
the only melody that rock music has produced in 20 years that everybody in the world knows.
That is true.
Not for Jake, though.
Not everybody.
[singing]
You could be at like a soccer game literally anywhere in the world.
Yeah.
If you go, bah, da-da-da-da-da-da.
Well, we don't have to dwell on this.
But yeah, those are the three artists who have three.
Beck, Radiohead, and the White Stripes.
And then there's two artists that have two.
We're still going with this.
Yeah, can you name the two artists that have two?
Well, one is Vampire Weekend.
There you go.
One is Vampire Weekend.
The other one is a band that probably their albums wouldn't-- and we should talk about
this, the whole Grammy controversy and the voting and all that.
But today--
What era?
They won their two in the early 2000s as well.
Years back to back.
They won one in 2002, one in 2003.
And this band, today, I bet if the committee that decides who's eligible-- because that's
the whole thing with the Grammys, is that a committee decides-- it literally sits around
and says, "Well, is this alternative?"
Right.
And today, if they put out a record, I bet a lot of people would be like, "No, they're
no longer alternative."
They're too big.
They crossed over into pop.
And they're still going.
They're still going.
Foo Fighter?
No.
No?
Foo Fighter is like '90s.
Is it like that kind of band?
Or like Fountains of Wee?
I don't-- there's all these bands, like, who are kind of heavy that I don't--
No, they're not heavy.
They're not heavy.
They were never really heavy.
It's just that they became so big and became a real force in the pop world in their career.
They're English.
2002, 2003, the Grammys--
What's an English band that in the early 2000s just rose to prominence and went on to become
perhaps the biggest band in the world?
Oh, Coldplay.
Coldplay.
Yeah, that's right.
Right.
Okay.
One thing I'll say about best alternative album, and then we should probably talk about the
controversy of the Grammys, is that given that it's the only category that we've ever won
in, I do feel like when you look through it, I'm just like, look, there's records I love
that won it.
There's records I think are just okay that won it.
But when I look through everything that's ever been nominated, at least there's like
rhyme and reason to it, which is not true of all things in the Grammys, which is why
a lot of people have a problem with them.
But like, even just going back, the first one, '91, Sinead O'Connor.
'92, R.E.M.
At a Time.
'93, Tom Waits, Bone Machine.
'94, U2.
'95, Green Day.
'96, Nirvana.
MTV Unplugged.
And then you get into this era where it's almost every year it's Beck Radiohead, Beastie
Boys, Beck Radiohead, Coldplay, Coldplay, White Stripes, Wilco.
You know, whatever you want to say about the individual records.
Phoenix, well deserved.
They won that for Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix.
Terrific record.
Great record.
Boney Vare.
Anyway, I'm just saying, I look through it, St. Vincent, Alabama Shakes, David Bowie,
The National, Beck.
I'm just like, all right, those are all artists that I respect.
There's nobody on that list that I'm just like, oof.
Like, we're winning the same award that was a mere three years ago given to, and just
like name some (beep) you can't even understand.
It's not like that.
But it was a funny year at the Grammys.
I mean, first of all, it was a pleasant morning.
You know, we had a fun crew going to the Grammys.
Me and Rashida, Ariel and Danielle, Chris and Chris, Dave Maklovich.
It looked fun on the 'Gram.
So it was like a good crew of people.
In the morning, we were all like kind of getting ready together, drinking coffee, blasting
some tunes.
What were you blasting?
At first, somebody was just playing like a very random playlist that was like pop and
trap music.
And then at some point I threw on Dick Pick's Volume One.
Nice.
I was getting ready to listen to Stephen Hyden's new podcast, which we talked about on this,
which is called 36 From the Vault, I believe.
Yep, I listened to episode two today.
Oh, really?
Big fan of that show.
Yeah, everybody should check that out.
But you know, they go each episode is a different Dick Pick.
So I didn't like kind of listen to like half of it.
And then I was like, you know what, I want to like just listen to the whole thing.
So we throw that on.
Opens with a great Here Comes Sunshine.
Great vibe.
So we're all hanging out.
Everybody's having a good time.
You know, it's like we all know each other, but it's not every day that obviously me,
Chris and Chris spend a lot of time together and not every day that we get Dave and everybody
together.
So we're having a ball.
But then you get the Kobe news.
Right.
And it's like so sad, so disturbing.
Yeah.
So right.
You're just kind of like, man.
And you know, like we were kind of looking out a window at a dress.
Somebody's like, oh, can you normally like see is there like a view here normally?
And I was like, you know, you can kind of see stuff.
And we just looked at this before we heard.
We just like.
But today it's like this weird, just like white.
Yeah.
Full white, white out sky.
So there's like, oh, my God.
Then you're picturing the whole thing.
So anyway.
And then then you did don's on everybody like already just talking about how sad that is.
And you're just hearing about all these people died.
And it's just a it's a tragedy.
Then you're like, oh, man, you're going to Staples Center.
And anyway, so that kind of already created a weird vibe.
And then even before that, the week before, did you follow any of this controversy?
The Grammys or the Recording Academy had dismissed the the new head of the organization.
Her name is Deborah Dugan.
So I've read about it a bit.
I've mostly had it explained to me by music industry professionals.
Basically, the Grammys used to be run by a guy named Neil Portnow, and he was doing it for a long time.
He was the guy who there always be a part in the night where he'd come out and say a few words about the mission statement of the Academy.
And they do a lot of good stuff, from what I understand, give money for music education.
And there's this organization, Music Cares, that helps out musicians who don't have health insurance, which I think the Academy is part of.
It's a big organization.
It's a little hard to wrap your head around.
But he'd been there a long time, and I think he made a sexist statement.
Something like people asked him a question like, "How come more women aren't nominated?"
And he made kind of like a glib...
He had kind of like...
Very creaky mic stand here.
So he had like a somewhat glib response where he said something like, "Well, the ladies got to step it up."
That didn't land.
It didn't land at all.
So next thing you know, he's out finally bringing in a woman to be head of it.
And then a couple weeks before the Grammys, the Grammys are like, "She's out. She abused staff members."
And you're like, "Whoa."
Damn.
And they're not specific.
And then she comes back and says, "I didn't do anything. I was about to blow the lid off this whole thing."
And she has a long lawsuit that's public that I clicked through where she's saying she was sexually harassed by their lawyer,
the guy who is like the head lawyer for the Grammys.
So she personally experienced that and then she's talking about allegations against other people, other big dogs in the organization.
That's one thing.
You have your kind of like sexual misconduct side of it.
But then she also says stuff about like...
And also they're cooking the books on who wins.
Whoa.
And she alleges that there are times when people are pushed to the front of the line in the nominations.
I don't think she alleged that the vote is ever like fully discarded, which is kind of what I believe.
That was always my understanding is that because they have these committees and there's the whole TV element of it,
that there are strings pulled in terms of disqualifying something.
Or maybe like somebody sits on a committee that decides what counts for best dance music,
but they earn A&R for a label that has skin in the game.
I think there's a lot of stuff like that.
But there's always a part of me that's kind of like, "Yeah, that's lame."
But I guess as long as once the nominations are in, the votes count,
maybe that's the best you could hope for, for like a big giant award ceremony.
And she also alleged that one of the primary ways that things get messy for the big categories,
that maybe there have been times strings were pulled to ensure that real A-list artists
who maybe they'd want to perform at the ceremony.
Because keep in mind, you have your Grammys, all the awards, but then you have the TV show.
And the TV show, folks, big business.
Huge.
CBS paid something like $700 million for the 10-year rights.
Oh, the 10-year rights. Okay.
Yeah, not per.
But still, they're dropping 70 mil every year.
There's a lot of money out there.
So she kind of alleged that there are times where they want a big name performing,
but maybe that big name isn't going to say yes unless they're nominated,
and then they make sure they're not.
Okay.
So I think there's a lot of stuff like that.
And I talked to various people who seem knowledgeable,
and I'm just like, "Man, can you count any of this stuff?"
This is what the people said to me.
I don't know if they're just trying to put my mind at ease.
They're just like, "Trust us. This is the type of s*** that probably made you guys get less nominated rather than more."
But who knows?
I'm kind of like, "Show us the books."
I'm also just like a numbers guy.
So I'd love to--
I feel like I said this back in the day where we would talk about the idea that those years when you and I didn't vote,
maybe somebody lost by one vote.
We're just like, "Show us the numbers, man."
It would be so sick if there's like, "And the best new artist by a margin of seven votes,"
and everyone's like, "Oh!"
Right.
Billie Eilish.
But see, we don't know.
So it's not like a political election, which I'm sure is very compromised too,
where we really know.
White shirt now red, my bloody nose
Sleeping, yeah, on you
Tippy toes creeping around like no one knows
Think you're so criminal
Bruises on both my knees
For you, don't say thank you
Oh, please, I do what I want
When I'm wanting to
My soul so cynical
So you're a tough guy, like you're really rough guy
Just can't get enough guy, chest always so puffed guy
I'm that bad type, make your mama sad type
Make your girlfriend mad tight, might seduce your dad type
I'm the bad guy
Duh.
But anyway, so all this was hanging over the Grammys, like going in.
It's so similar to what you hear about major political parties.
All like the weird handshakes in the back room and just sort of like,
it's funny to think about someone representing Vampire Weekend,
like really throwing their weight around in the back rooms.
Well, I've heard stories about like,
You guys like hire some fixer.
Yeah.
You guys have like a Michael Cohen, working for Vampire.
Well, the first thing that I thought of actually is like,
I do think in the best alternative category,
that's the place where more likely than not,
somebody would have tried to disqualify us.
Because I have heard stories, not about us, but about
we make sense in best alternative.
You know, it's a matter of taste.
If you liked our record better than, you know, Justin's, but yeah,
we belong there.
But the most likely thing that happens is people knocking each other out.
So I've heard stories about like somebody telling me like,
Oh, that year, this like beloved indie band,
there was just somebody like,
just some kind of like intractable person on the committee who was just like,
they're too big.
They're mainstream rock.
And everybody like being like, come on.
And like somebody just putting their foot down.
So that kind of stuff happens.
I guess that could happen like when you're...
But I would refer you to 1993, U2 won best alternative record for Octoon Baby.
It's kind of like constitutional scholars just being like,
So you mean to tell me, sir, that the Black Keys, I don't know, like...
REM in '91, when they won for Out of Time.
They're the biggest band in the world.
They were the second biggest grossing band touring wise that year.
You're going to tell me that that's alternative?
Well, we talked about last time, the alternative nominees,
again, whatever your taste may be,
it's a fairly wide, generous, somewhat generous interpretation of what alternative is.
When we talked about best rock song, which Harmony Hall was nominated for,
that was all over the place.
That was us, Gary Clark Jr. who won 1975, Tool.
Hell yeah.
And Tool did win an award when we were in the building.
That was tight.
For what?
I don't know.
Packaging or something?
I really don't remember.
Best metal performance or something?
Oh, I think you're right.
I think I saw that.
So even then, it's like, well, so you can be metal and rock?
Not all rock is metal, but all metal is rock.
I can only picture what people might have said about Vampire Weekend.
Just picture what we talked about last time.
Just picture in the committee meeting when they're debating if Harmony Hall is a rock song.
It was probably like, f*** Instagram comments.
You know what?
Grammys, as a two-time Grammy award winner, I call on you for more transparency, for one.
Just show us the numbers.
I love the numbers.
We all love the numbers.
And also, please release the footage, if you filmed it, of the debate, the committee debate
during the best rock song.
I just want to see somebody being like, "You're really trying to put Vampire Weekend in the
same category as Tool?
I guess rock really is played out, dawg."
It'd be like that kind of meme of Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson fighting in a marriage
story, "Rock's played out because of you!"
That's why rock's played out, dawg!
If you put Vampire Weekend next to Tool, then rock's played out.
If we don't put them next to it, then rock's really played out!
One thing I'll say about the whole day, the whole strange day, is that, look, I think
I said on the show, I thought we had a decent shot in the rock song in alternative.
And again, I've never taken the Grammys too seriously, because there's a part of me that's
like, look, we've won some, we've lost some.
It's a nice pat on the back to know that some slight majority of people voted for you within
a community of musicians.
I think they could do a better job of getting more people voting.
Jake, you still haven't voted, right?
Yeah.
This is a dark stain on this show at this point.
The hardcore TC heads will remember when Jake and I first talked about the Grammys, because
I pointed out, my understanding is that almost any musician can vote in the Grammys.
If you've played on a few records that have been officially released?
Four or five officially released credits.
So, I've always had this feeling too, that to me, we need to like investigate some of
Debra Dugan's allegations.
But generally speaking, they easily could be the most ethical awards show.
Most democratic.
Because they could be the most democratic.
Right.
Because even at the Oscars, they made a big push after some of the outcry the past few
years to invite new people to vote.
So you don't have to have won an award.
But even then, that's rarefied air though.
That's still rarefied air.
That's them turning around and being like, "Well, why don't we let this young actor vote?"
Instead of the Academy, which at least in terms of their rules, there could be, you
know, like, who did Jake vote for?
Like, Jake should be voting.
Playboy Cardi should be voting.
Yeah, I mean, like half of our friends could probably vote.
Almost everybody we know from music could be voting.
And yet very few do.
Let's get registered.
Yeah, get registered.
Voter registration drive next to Emmy's.
But anyway, going in, I had a realization a couple of days before, because we were nominated
for our two Pre-Tell awards.
Cool term, Pre-Tell.
Look, we're Pre-Tell people, man.
Go on without us.
We're Pre-Tell.
You're Tell.
Best rock song is Pre-Tell?
Yeah.
I guess rock really is played out.
Rock's really played out.
Well, first of all.
That is disappointing.
You know, it's just pure economics, man.
They're trying to sell 60-second spots to Budweiser and...
State Farm.
State Farm for $10-15 million.
You know, and then you go to State Farm and be like, "Hey, you guys just spent a shitload
of money on this ad."
And they're like, "All right, cool.
What's going to lead us into our ad?"
And they're just going to be like, "Well, it's a real hot one this year.
Vampire Weekend versus Tool."
Just like, "We're pulling out, man."
That rules.
Anyway.
But you know what?
I will say again, I like being part of Pre-Tell culture.
Vampire is Pre-Tell culture because you go there.
I've talked about the NRG before, but whatever.
It only happens once a year.
Might as well go in again.
They classed it up a little bit.
The lights were lower.
In years past, we'd go in and you kind of felt like you're in a convention hall.
This time, the lights were lower.
They actually had a stage.
And there were some cool performances.
So we came in.
In the past, we'd roll up and be like, "This is so weird."
Feel almost embarrassed.
Like, "This is throwaway.
The big show is the real show."
And actually, this year, they did a great job.
It was dark in the room.
It was like a nicer theater than it used to be in.
And so we got there, and in the 30 minutes before they transitioned to the Rock Awards,
it was all classical.
And you watch that and you see the people getting on stage.
People gave really nice speeches.
And people were shouting out their mentors.
And you could tell it meant a lot to the people who won.
There was like a quartet playing people on and off.
And as we were watching that, it did kind of like warm my cold heart.
Where I was like, "This is cool."
And then I was like, ran to the bathroom.
Then you walk out, and it's like people from all over the world.
Like, friend of the Vampire Weekend and Neo-Yokio Universe, Angelique Kijo, won an award.
It's like, see Angelique.
Then you see there was like a band of Norteno musicians from Mexico.
Everybody got like cowboy hats on and stuff.
And you kind of felt like, "You know what?
This is like what you want to imagine a celebration of music is like."
People from all over the world, different genres, all together,
and kind of like in a mellow environment,
which is very different than when you go in a Staples Center.
Not brutally commercial.
Not brutally commercial.
Right.
So anyway, that was actually kind of a good vibe.
And then we sit down, and you know, for the morning of,
we're all having a good time, and everybody's just kind of like, "Who cares?
It doesn't matter."
You still get nervous when they're announcing the awards.
Sure.
And then they announced Best Rock Song.
We took an L on that one.
Gary Clark Jr. won?
Oh yeah, he was cleaning up.
He won like three or something.
And then suddenly, it's moving so quick.
And then suddenly, Best Alternative Album.
And then they called it Father of the Bride.
And we rolled down, and it was nice because Steve Lacey was already there,
and Chris and John, who were both engineers on the record.
So it's like everybody kind of converges.
It took us a while to get down there.
They were up there, and I just like looked around at everybody,
and I was like, "This is cool."
No disrespect, it was a tough category this year.
Friendly with at least James and Justin, both great musicians.
I would have been happy to see them win.
I ride for Big Thief.
That would have been a great win.
Tom York, he doesn't need it.
But he's a legend.
Big Thief was nominated for Best Alternative?
Yeah, that's tight.
That's tight.
And also, one thing I'll say--
Good record.
One thing I'll say is the first time we were nominated was for our second album, Contra.
And then of course we lost.
You rarely win the first time.
I'm like, "You know what, Big Thief."
Next time around.
I can see it, yeah.
Sure.
If people, we get registered to vote.
[laughs]
[dog whines]
♪ Cool autumn rain ♪
♪ Bugs died and you went shit on the freeway ♪
♪ Wonder if you'll be the same ♪
♪ Century's flower ♪
♪ And we have the same power ♪
♪ We have the same power ♪
So that's not in the huge arena.
No, I think it's--
Is it called the Microsoft Theater or something?
But it's like adjacent.
It's adjacent.
It's the same complex.
Then you walk over to Staples.
Then you walk over to Staples and we walked through a car but took some pictures.
As I think I alluded to on the show, I chose to go very cash.
I saw the socks and the--
I guess they're not Birkenstocks, but I still call that look Stocks and Socks.
Stocks and Socks.
Yeah.
It's actually Chocks and Socks.
What is it?
Chocos.
Okay.
Not familiar.
It's like a Tiva type brand.
Yeah.
I didn't regret it at all.
Strong choice.
I've been to the Grammys enough that I just knew you can wear literally whatever you want.
You could roll up in the most formal, expensive suit, ball gown, whatever.
You won't seem out of place.
You could do flip-flops, board shorts, and a tank top.
How was Rashida dressed?
She was a little more formal.
I think she just felt like, "That's going to make me feel more comfortable."
We just realized we don't all have to match.
Dave from Chromio, he's always on point with YSL.
But that's him.
He was wearing a nice suit, right?
Yeah, that's what he looks like.
It would be weirder if he rolled up in shorts.
It just wouldn't be him.
Right.
The morning of, I really questioned, "Is this going to look just too random?"
But it's actually the sandals tied it all together.
I didn't put the sandals on until we left the house.
I'm looking in the mirror, and I'm just wearing socks and a corduroy shirt and corduroy pants.
I'm just like, "Does this look too random?"
Then I was like, "Ah, the sandals pull it all together."
Shoes will do that.
But so, yeah, you do this.
You walk the red carpet, and then you sit down in a Staples Center.
Here's the thing.
I knew that we wouldn't win Album of the Year because we were nominated in our two pre-TEL categories.
We had one TEL award, and that was Album of the Year.
But a couple days before--
Backroom conversations.
Backroom conversations. These guys aren't TEL.
They're not TEL.
They're not TEL caliber.
Vampires not TEL.
When I looked at all the nominees, and I just thought logically, this was my whole thing.
I was kind of like, "We definitely don't have the best shot, but I want to be semi-prepared because it's not impossible.
The vote gets split."
Like, for instance, Billie Eilish, Ariana Grande, Lizzo, some of these people are even on the same labels.
There's so many different ways that the vote could go. You never know.
So I was kind of like, "It's unlikely, but what do we have to say?"
And then the one thing I got a little stressed out about was to win a TEL award on the day that there's this tragedy,
and after all these questions are raised about the whole thing.
That award seems a little almost too big to accept.
Dicey.
I was even asking people, "If we win, do we have to accept it?"
So I was like, in my head, I never came up with the right thing, but I was thinking, "What's the right move here?"
Be like, "We accept this conditionally if you..."
Yeah, and then people would roll their eyes, or you'd just be like, "Thanks," which feels funny.
Or it could have just been like, "Bernie 2020, come out to Cedar Rapids."
Nothing felt quite right.
But I was thinking about it a little bit, because you need to be somewhat prepared.
And then it dawned on me about two days before, "We're not going to win."
And you know why? Because they didn't ask us to play.
And I just really quickly did a roll call in my mind, and I was like,
"They almost always have the person who wins Album of the Year performs."
And I was trying to think, "Well, who are people that you could imagine maybe didn't perform?"
And one was Beck. And I happened to see Beck, and I said, "The year you won Album of the Year, did you perform?"
He said, "Yeah, yeah, right before the award."
And I was like, "Huh. Okay. We're definitely not winning."
The people who were performing who were nominated were Billie Eilish, Lizzo, Ariana Grande, most of the heavy hitters.
The people who weren't invited to perform--well, I don't want to say invited. I can only speak for us.
But the people who weren't performing that I knew for sure were us, Boney Ver, and Lana Del Rey.
So even in the back of my head, I'm thinking, "Well, the weird alternative kids. They're not going to win either."
I mean, Lana Del Rey, she transcends alternative.
I feel like she straddles.
In some ways, she's the perfect AOTY.
True.
A little something for the critics. She got a lot of stands. Wouldn't have been a bad--
Okay, fair point.
I think people would have been happy about it.
But anyway, I wasn't trying to be a Debbie Downer.
I wasn't trying to tell all these people ahead of time, "Hey, by the way, you're not going to win."
But it dawned on me two days earlier. I was like, "Ah, that's a hell of a theory."
And I think I'm mostly right about this.
Somebody else can--too bad Seinfeld's not here.
We're going to get him on the phone later, by the way.
It's been too long. Seinfeld's getting busy out there.
But somebody should crunch those numbers.
When was the last time somebody won Album of the Year that didn't perform?
I don't think it's happened in the past five.
Anyway, we won our award, and now we're rolling into the Stable Center.
So then I'm just like, "Chill."
We were all having a good time, just cracking jokes, hanging out.
And then maybe some people listening watched the ceremony.
Watching it in person is just like--
I'm so curious about how--I haven't watched it on TV in a while, how it comes across.
I think when on TV, people get really mad about it.
When you're there, whether you like the performance or not, you're kind of just seeing it in person.
So you're kind of like, "All right."
You know, you don't like Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani's performance.
You're just watching it taken in like, "Okay, cool."
So I didn't actually judge the show that much.
You're just kind of all there saying hi to people.
Yeah, you're taking it in. There's no TV director who's guiding your experience.
And also--
So you're far away, probably.
And the sound is echoing in this big room.
So it's like--when we heard Aerosmith, I was like--
What was that like?
It was noisy.
I was like, "I wonder what this sounds like on TV."
I couldn't tell.
♪ Something wrong with the world today ♪
I was like--I saw on Twitter--I didn't watch the show.
But I saw that--
A clip?
Yeah, I saw a clip and I saw that they had played "Living on the Edge" and I was like, "That's a deep pull."
They went "Living on the Edge" into "Walk This Way," which makes more sense.
They brought Run DMCA.
Sure.
Yeah, "Living on the Edge."
That's like kind of post--kind of like after their glory years.
It was a big album, but--
Yeah, I mean--
No, I know what you mean.
It's not--
It's not one of the big power ballads.
It's not top five Aerosmith.
And it's not one of the '70s classic rock.
It's real kind of deep.
It's top 20, but it's not top five Aerosmith.
It's not even top 10.
I mean, and if I was a huge Aerosmith head, I might be psyched on it.
I guess if they felt like Aerosmith was going to bring in some different energy to the show, an older rock band,
maybe they just thought about it and they were like, "Well, which Aerosmith single from their past most speaks to this cultural moment?"
And they're just like, "Living on the Edge."
Right.
A timeless song about a society pushed to the brink.
You're listening to Time Crisis on Beat One.
A tennis pro that I know, I go to his clinics sometimes during the week.
Oh, really?
And he's like a real kind of like rock and roll kind of guy.
Like he's like an old '80s rocker kind of guy.
Yeah.
He's probably like 50.
Played in a lot of like kind of like hard rock and metal bands.
Tight.
And he was like, "You see Aerosmith last night?"
And I was like, "No."
He's like, "Pathetic."
Oh.
They play Living on the Edge.
It's like this desperate plea for relevance.
They're trying to be political.
Pathetic.
You know what's funny?
I was like, "Nobody hates rock music more than aging rockers."
It's like, it's literally just like in your life, just like the 30-something dude hanging
art with you, crushing Chipotle, Rocks Played Out Dog, the former rocker, tennis pro just
like, "Absolutely pathetic."
Well, he was really fired up too because the whole Joey Kramer.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
We should talk about this.
Controversy.
We were talking about this at the ceremony.
Basically, Joey Kramer, I guess, was injured.
He's the drummer of Aerosmith, been playing with them for decades.
Since like the '70s, right?
Yeah.
And I think so he was like, "All right, guys, I'm better.
Let me play with you.
Let's get ready for the Grammys."
And they're like, "You know what, man?
You got to audition."
Wait, so he was injured?
It wasn't like a drugs and alcohol thing?
No, I think he was recovering.
Whoa.
But anyway, here's the backstory.
You got to audition.
Here's what Bayo told me.
And I don't know his sources, but-
Bayo had some hot goss on Aerosmith.
Bayo had some Aerosmith tea.
What Bayo told me was that it wasn't just out of nowhere that Joey Kramer was getting
pushed away just because he got injured or whatever or had to take a break.
There had already been a lot of tension.
Guess why?
I have no idea.
Joey Kramer, pro-Trump.
Wow, I love that.
And so apparently it wasn't just them being mean to him because he suffered minor injuries.
It was because things were at a boiling point.
And Bayo said-
I'm just picturing like the tour bus.
Oh, yeah.
Kramer watching Fox News, "Can you believe this shit?
Hey, Joey, chill out, man."
"That's propaganda, Joey."
I'm trying to do a Stephen Tyler speaking voice.
I think Bayo said there was something like that Aerosmith, maybe from like an official
Aerosmith Twitter account or somehow Aerosmith, which I'm sure is mostly controlled by Stephen
Tyler and Joe Perry.
Yeah.
They had made some public statement about like, "Fuck Trump," or maybe they did a concert
and met Joey Kramer, I don't know, like on his Facebook page or something like the day
after that was like, "Just so you know, these like liberal statements do not speak for Aerosmith
as a band."
And you imagine like Stephen Tyler would just be like, "Mm."
Anyway, so I read some like reviews of the TV show aspect where people were just like,
"It's all over the place."
And I was kind of like, "It should be all over the place."
There's a part of me that's like, "I think it should have been shorter and I won't name
names."
I could think of, they should have cut like three or three to four performances.
They could have slimmed it down a bit, but if people are like, "It's all over the place.
You got to be going from Billie Eilish to like old ass Stephen Tyler."
And I'm just like, "Lizzo."
And then, you know, I'm just like, "Yeah, that's how it should be."
Right.
And another funny thing I've been thinking about with the Grammys is again, the corruption
aside, which I hope they do more to just like be more open about the stuff.
It's rigged, folks.
It's rigged.
The Grammy's very corrupt.
Billie Eilish sweeps.
Come on.
Joey Kramer, not performing.
Imagine.
Also, remember how we talked on the show?
Because Billie Eilish swept.
She won all four of the big categories, which is the first time that a debut artist has
done that since Christopher Cross in 1980.
But she swept.
And remember we were talking about how there was this brief tempest in a teapot about how
she didn't know who Van Halen was.
People were like, "Oh my God."
And then, who cares?
It would be funny if just during one of her acceptance speeches, she just went off about
the Aerosmith situation.
Be like, "I thought she didn't like classic rock."
She's like, "No, she just doesn't know anything about Van Halen."
She's like, "Joey Kramer's the heart and soul of Aerosmith."
His iconic grooves propelled that band.
And I know people are going to say it's all about Tyler and Joe Perry.
Let me make a case for you.
Joey Kramer, if you're watching, you should have been here.
This one's for you.
You are one of the most underrated drummers in rock history.
And it breaks my heart to see politics come between old friends and old bandmates.
Yeah, afterwards they're just like, "So you're a big Aerosmith fan?
Don't know Van Halen?
Who?
Oh, that Jimmy Kimmel band?
Not familiar.
Aerosmith."
Anyway, I kind of like the randomness of the Grammys because music is hilarious because
it is even the idea of like, I got asked a few times, we did a handful of interviews,
"What do you think about being nominated for album of the year?"
And I was just like, "Man, it's too much."
Like, do I think we made a great album?
Of course I do.
I know we did.
It's a great album.
I just keep wanting to go to Trump.
Oh God.
That's bad news.
If that's just like creeping into my psyche.
Well, he's just be, hopefully just because he is a punchline.
Right.
Treat him as a joke.
Like anytime someone's saying that sort of like, "Yeah, I'm proud of this."
Right.
It just turns into Trump.
Yeah, folks.
Yeah, we made a great album.
Anyway, I know it's great, but the idea of, and again, even with like best alternative,
I know there's people out there probably say like, "Oh, father brought on that album.
How did that beat this?"
Like, whatever.
Yeah, of course.
Whatever.
Yeah, of course.
We're psyched.
Our fans are psyched.
People who like that album are psyched.
But again, it's like Contra Lost is an album by the Black Keys.
It's like stuff wins, it doesn't.
At least there's like some vague sense that the category makes sense.
And also one thing that I should note about the Grammys this year,
and maybe for a long time, I don't really know the rules,
but you can't vote, people aren't allowed to vote in every category.
So it's like if you vote outside of the big four, everybody can vote in,
which is best new artist, song, record, album.
If you're voting in like niche categories, such as alternative or regional,
this or that, or best classical solo, you made a choice to use one of your votes for that.
It's not just like everybody has to click a button.
So, you know, at least there's some type of curation happening
that voters actually care about that category chose to vote in it,
versus like if you--
People randomly.
Yeah, it's like if you got some like old classical cellist to just vote in every category
and then he just gets to best hip hop and he just sees the first name he recognizes,
he'll vote for that.
But this gets rid of some of that.
But anyway, once you get to album of the year,
the idea of like just albums that sound wildly different,
people of different ages, different backgrounds, it's kind of hilarious.
And anyway, so by the time we got to that category, I was just like, "We're not going to win."
By that point, my heart rate didn't go up at all.
I was like, "We're not going to win this."
I was kind of surprised that Billie Eilish swept everything, but not that surprised.
First artist since Christopher Cross, huh?
Maybe first like debut artist.
I guess there's the part of me that, you know, want to see more different people winning.
Right.
But, you know, there's a part of me, it's like, "Who'd you see up on stage during the TV show part?"
Taylor, Billie, Lizzo, Dan and Shay representing YouTubers.
Okay.
Anyway, so when I see everybody who got on stage, I'm kind of like, "Look, this is a big, messy organization
that clearly has some major things they need to deal with, such as, I mean, these sexual harassment allegations.
Like, come on, they got to be very transparent about that."
Then when I like, I'm looking at this and I'm like, "I can't be like mad about this."
Yeah, there's somewhere in my heart for me generationally,
I might have wanted to see Lana win album of the year.
I did want to see Lil Nas X win record of the year.
That just seemed like a no-brainer.
But, you know, I'm just kind of like, it's like an interesting mix of people.
You won't remember a year from now.
Yeah, and seeing like a youngish pair of siblings up there who made some,
started making music by themselves, like, whether it's your cup of tea or not,
you're like, "That's like kind of a sweet story. Can't be mad at that."
Anyway, yeah, so that was the Grammys.
You know, crew went out to some parties, said what's up to some people.
That was that.
We took a vow in summertime, now we find ourselves in late December.
I believe that New Year's Eve will be the perfect time for their great surrender.
But they don't remember.
Anger wants a voice, voices want to sing.
Singers harmonize, till they can't hear anything.
Thought that I was free from all that questioning.
But every time a problem ends, another one begins.
And the stone walls are vomiting all their witness.
Anybody with a world in mind can never forgive the sight.
Of wicked snakes inside a place you thought was dignified.
I don't want to live like this, but I don't want to die.
You're listening to...
Time Crisis on Beat One.
We're in the thick of awards season, man.
Grammys, got the Oscars next weekend, right?
And today, the Super Bowl.
That's right.
That's a sports award, when you think about it.
For best team.
The Super Bowl is part of awards season.
The only difference is that at these other awards,
the process of winning happens in smoky backdoor rooms over the course of weeks and months.
Here we actually watch the battle in real time.
Who's playing this year?
I have no idea.
I was following football a little bit.
We were getting into it a little bit on tour.
That's tight.
Because the Giants had a new quarterback, so half as a joke started to get into the Giants.
Wait, no, I know who's playing. It's the 49ers.
You used to live in San Francisco.
You got any special affinity for them?
None.
49ers versus the Chiefs?
Kansas City versus SF?
Really leaving the East Coast out in the cold.
Patriots fans very upset.
But anyway, we don't really need to talk about the sports element because there's going to be a lot of great ads.
And there's this thing now that they release the ads before the night of.
That is a weird thing.
Yeah, they want people talking about them the week before.
So we've already seen Super Bowl ads released, I guess, for the extremely online people to start talking about.
And then they'll air during the Super Bowl and everybody talks about them.
So I've been paying a little bit of attention.
And one that I'm interested in is for Hyundai.
And we were talking about this on the thread a little bit.
So this is one I watched.
This is a Hyundai commercial that seems to take place in Boston.
And it stars John Krasinski, Rachel Dratch, and Chris Evans.
You know who Chris Evans is?
I do.
Captain America.
Yep.
So let's listen to it.
Oh, look at this guy.
Chris Evans standing with Rachel Dratch.
Hey, good, how are you?
He's not getting that car in there.
No, sir.
And they're watching John Krasinski try to park a car.
Look at these two troublemakers.
Hey, Johnny, how are you?
Wicked car. Is that new?
Yeah, it's a Sonata. Let me pack it.
Oh, you're not fitting your car in there.
Chris, stop being a smarty-pants, all right?
Look who's got SmartPak.
SmartPak?
Just hit the clicker, car packs itself.
It's smart.
But he got out of the car and the car--
I can pack it anywhere.
How about Dorchester?
Packed it.
Foxboro?
Packed it.
The Garden?
Packed it.
You kidding me?
I packed it.
And then unpacked it.
You unpacked it?
Kid, game changer.
That Sonata ain't got no driver.
That's all right. He's got SmartPak.
Hey, look at him back there.
He's got SmartPak.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
SmartPak.
Then David Ortiz, Big Papi.
So my first question about this, not being from Boston,
but, you know, not too far away,
and being familiar with Boston culture,
and this is what I asked the thread,
this is a very Twitter phrase,
why is this okay?
I'm thinking, and this might be from more of a New York perspective,
but I'm like, okay, I get that all these people are from the Boston area,
but none of them actually have the accent.
I get it could be fun in a commercial,
you like bring somebody who has like a very strong regional accent.
That's like a way that people get, you know,
a memorable performance when somebody has a cool accent,
but none of these people actually talk like that.
Yeah, Dorchester?
Dorchester?
SmartPak.
Hey, Rachel.
So I'm watching, I'm like, I know you guys are all actors,
but like it's weird that Chris Evans is like,
"Hey, Rachel, hey, Rachel, hey, quit being such a smarty-pit."
Like they're doing this like extreme Boston accent,
and I'm kind of like, and I might be wrong here,
but my first thought was like,
isn't that kind of like a working class Boston accent?
It's like you really have that accent.
Maybe I'm wrong.
I thought it was like a South Boston accent.
Sure, yeah.
So the first thing that I said on the thread,
I was like, just picture the New York version,
where you get some iconic people who are from New York,
and the examples I came up with were Scarlett Johansson,
born and raised in New York City,
Timothy Chalamet, and Donald Trump Jr.
All New Yorkers, but who don't talk like New Yorkers.
Yeah, they're from Manhattan.
Yeah, they're from Manhattan.
They all speak in a, I won't say an upper crust way,
but they don't have the vibe.
I see what you're saying.
So I'm saying, then there's one over there in Brooklyn,
and it's just like Timothy Chalamet would be like,
"Hey, Scarlett, where you park the car?
Hey, shut up, shut up, Timmy.
Hey, Chalamet. Hey, Chalamet, you shut up."
And then Don Jr. just comes down and like,
"Oh, what are you guys talking about?
Forget all. Oh, you gotta park the car."
Like, if you did that in New York,
there'd be like riots, 'cause people would be like,
"Why are you trying to steal our cool Brooklyn accent?
You guys didn't live this shit."
So you think Krasinski, Evans, and Dratch
are a little too upper crust?
'Cause what if they had gotten Wahlberg?
Is there a world in which-
Well, Wahlberg was more of a working class guy.
That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm asking.
So if they had gotten Wahlberg,
Damon's not working class background,
but let's just say he's an iconic-
First of all, I didn't know that any of those three people
were from Boston. I had no idea.
When I think Boston, I think Damon, Affleck, Wahlberg.
I think the Departed.
Matt Damon pulls up,
"Hey, none of you even in the Departed.
You weren't even in the Departed.
You got a smart parking car.
You weren't in the Departed."
But if they did a Departed reunion,
that would have been amazing.
I see what you're saying.
I mean, so like in the New York version,
they should have gotten like-
Bernie Sanders.
Yeah, and even though Joe Pesci's from Jersey,
those kind of actors.
Yeah, or if you-
Let's say you were doing something about New Yorkers
who have a real New York accent.
Danny Aiello.
And even, obviously, in any city,
you have a diversity of accents.
You get Danny Aiello.
You could even get Barbra Streisand,
Cardi B.
She has her own kind of New York accent.
Rosie Perez.
Exactly.
If you wanted to make it like
people who really lean into their accents,
you could have Rosie Perez
just being like,
"Oh my God, who's this old idiot
trying to park the car?"
And then he like, window goes down,
it's Bernie Sanders.
He's like, "Hey, Rosie, give me-
Rosie, let's be clear,
I'm trying to park this car."
You could have fun with it,
but those are all real accents.
And then if Timoth-
Bernie Sanders and a Hyundai-
"Hey, Jay-Z, wanna be in this Hyundai ad
with Rosie Perez and Bernie Sanders?"
A lesser person would, straight up.
A lesser political candidate would 100% be in it.
Yeah, but just like all old school New York-
Larry David.
I'm sure somebody has pitched that,
where they're just like,
"Here's a Super Bowl ad for you.
Larry David and Bernie Sanders
and Jay-Z and Rosie Perez.
And it's a real New York moment.
Real New Yorkers."
Anyway,
New York's a bigger city than Boston,
but still like any city,
you got your divisions.
And at least in New York,
your accent,
it could be a badge of pride,
where exactly you're from,
or something that maybe you even used to be ashamed of,
and then you see Timothy Chalamet.
Just picture it.
Somebody who really is from Brooklyn.
And even within Brooklyn,
I'm sure people get mad.
This'll happen more in gentrified North Brooklyn,
but if in 30 years,
they're doing an ad where
it's a bunch of Brooklyn people,
and then somebody's like,
"Wait, this kid was born and raised
Manhattan Avenue, Greenpoint?
F*** outta here.
You know, like,
this kid was born in 2025 in Greenpoint?
Oh my God,
I feel like I'm wrong.
(laughter)
So I asked the thread,
'cause I don't really know any real Boston people,
and you and Nick both knew some real Boston people.
I think Matt, not me.
Oh, Matt.
Yeah, Matt and Nick both knew some real Boston people,
and you guys sent it to the most Boston-ass,
I don't want to say Bostonian,
that doesn't sound right.
And generally, everybody was like,
They loved it.
"Oh, we love it!"
Wicked.
I mean, it's a funny ad.
Just straight up, in the most basic way.
But I guess what we determined,
and I'd love to hear from any Boston TC heads,
is that in Boston,
everybody's Boston strong.
I guess it also helps that with the Boston accent,
it's not crossing racial lines.
That would be very uncomfortable.
A bunch of rich white actors
doing an accent from their city
that no white people had.
That would be some angry letters.
But it generally seems that people,
I guess there's a type of Boston pride,
where it's like,
"Hey, look!
"Bunch of rich Boston actors.
"They're paying tribute to us."
In New York, I don't think it would be seen
as paying tribute.
Yeah, and I think in your example,
of the New York example,
you went really upper crust.
You went like,
Noah Baumbach film cast.
Noah Baumbach's from Brooklyn.
Oh, is he?
Okay, you're right.
You're totally right.
For the new Hyundai Sonata ad,
we got Noah Baumbach,
Paul Giamatti,
Noah Baumbach,
Paul Giamatti,
Adam Driver.
I like the idea of regional car ads, though.
Like if there was a Hyundai ad for LA,
and it was just like,
"Malibu burnout dudes."
Yeah.
But again,
they'd probably get famous actors.
Get McConaughey, dude.
We should pitch that.
We should get Kyle.
Oh, yeah, dude.
To do--
You get Jeff Bridges,
Matthew McConaughey,
and Kyle Field.
To do--
Well, McConaughey's Texas.
He's due Texas.
Yeah, but he could do it.
Yeah, just to get chilled out,
chilled out kind of surfer bros
just being like,
"Dude, how are you going to park the car, man?"
He's like, "Oh, dude, I got Smart Park."
"What? What did he say?"
"He said he's got Smart Park."
"What?"
And it's like a very stressful
parallel parking situation on the PCH.
It was just cars going,
"Few, few,"
flying by at like 80 miles an hour.
You know what would rule, too?
There's another character
who's super high on the PCH,
and he's holding his hands to his head,
just like, "Dude, oh no.
"Dude, you're not going to be able
"to parallel park, man.
"You're not going to be--
"He's not going to be able to do it, man."
He's like, "Yo, chill out, bro."
"He's got Smart Park, man.
"I don't know, man."
"He's holding up traffic, dude."
"Oh, dude."
"Dude, this is a harsh vibe, man.
"Why is he even trying to park?"
"Dude, relax. He's got Smart Park."
[laughter]
Hyundai, hit us up.
♪ My time coming any day ♪
♪ Don't worry about me ♪
♪ Been so long I felt this way ♪
♪ And I'm in the way, no ♪
♪ Rainbows in down that highway ♪
♪ Where ocean breezes blow ♪
♪ My time coming, voices say ♪
♪ And they tell me, "Let it go" ♪
♪ Don't worry about me ♪
♪ No, no, don't worry about me, no ♪
♪ And I'm in the way ♪
♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ Don't worry about me ♪
I'm totally willing to admit there's Boston context I don't have.
Straight up.
That's our next album, Boston Context.
[laughter]
Vampire Weekend presents Boston Context.
Very confusing.
Not that this is representative of maybe the entire response,
but there's 17 million views of this ad.
Oh, my God.
24,000 likes, 486 dislikes.
People are loving it.
It's a runaway success.
Very successful campaign, folks.
Very successful.
I mean, also, I guess it helps that Chris Evans is via the MCU
and being Captain America,
he's one of the most recognizable actors in the world.
Is he?
Yes.
Chris Evans is one of--
Well, because he's Captain America
in the biggest grossing films franchise in history.
Interesting.
So there's definitely people in China watching this right now
who have even less context, just kind of like--
So what's the joke here?
I've been in other countries where people are trying to explain some [bleep] like that,
where you're just like, "You got to understand,
there's something about the accents from that city,
it just makes people laugh."
I'm like, "Oh, they're making fun of it?"
I've literally had this conversation,
it's like, "Nah, it just puts a smile on your face."
It's kind of endearing.
It puts a smile on your face.
Anyway, but I would love a Boston person just to call in and say,
"I think a big part of what I don't understand is not just the cultural context,
but I might not even understand what these accents represent."
Oh, like regionally?
Yeah, because maybe somebody's like, "Listen, you got it wrong.
It's not really a working class accent."
So you're trying to bring your Bernie Sanders class war [bleep] into this.
It's not your misunderstanding.
That accent doesn't read as the working people of Boston
being parodied by rich actors from the suburbs,
which in another city it could.
So maybe-- Please.
The biggest TC head in Boston needs to call in.
Another one that caught my eye that I saw was the Snickers one.
This one's insane.
This one's very strange.
It's called #SnickersFixTheWorld.
Just for comparison's sake, to be fair, this one doesn't have any celebrities in it,
but you just said that one had 17 million views already.
This one has 35,000.
Ouch.
[singing]
Hi, Kay.
[singing]
[singing]
So we're being the world of Snickers?
Yep.
Will it work?
[singing]
Okay, I hate this.
You already hate this ad.
It seems a little dated already,
but it's like the thing is all these people complaining.
And they chose a diverse array of 20, 30-something people
to be complaining about this changing world,
because I don't think they wanted it to be old boomers complaining.
But it's still-- Yeah, it's a little bit like,
"What is all this? Oh, my God."
So this woman, for instance, now they keep reinventing milk,
and she's at a coffee shop and says, "Fat-free almond milk, goat milk,
"bee's milk, camel milk, pheasant milk."
It's just one of those things where it's like,
"Yeah, guys, the dairy industry is really f*cked up."
[laughs]
But I feel like they're also saying that the world's kind of out of sorts
in a larger sense.
Yeah, I think as they go on, they talk about politics a little bit.
And a lot of people-- It's funny that it's airing during the Super Bowl,
because people are going to be like--
Football is going to be truly 50-50 with the MAGA nation
and the rest of the nation.
Well, that's a classic way to--
And the MAGA nation is going to be like, "What are you talking about?
"The world's not out of sorts. Everything's great."
Well, no, that's not true, because the MAGA world,
they're happy with losing the White House,
but that's because the world is so out of sorts.
I'm just saying the idea of a baby named Kale,
if you said to some hardcore MAGA person,
"You know, out in Los Angeles, there are people naming their baby Kale.
"Lettuce."
They'd be like, "These Hollywood libtards."
People would-- You know.
So Snickers is trying to have it both ways.
I think it's a classic maneuver that--
Sometimes you see artists try to do this too.
Rarely works, where you're just kind of like,
"I don't care if you're right-wing or left-wing.
"Can't we all agree that the world's crazy right now?
"Politics."
[laughter]
You know, like--
Well put.
Or like--
And it is the way in which left and right,
like nobody trusts anybody.
And so if you're general enough,
you can almost think that it's working, but--
Maybe early drafts of this ad were leaning a little too lefty or righty.
Maybe.
And then the powers that be were like, "Can you guys just like--"
Well, all the people that they're showing kind of read--
Most of the people they're showing who are singing lines
kind of read as like young urban professionals.
Like they're in settings that look like this guy's at a farmer's market.
♪ So demented ♪
♪ Politics just makes us sick ♪
♪ Ew, yeah ♪
♪ The surveillance state's got brand new tricks ♪
Whoa.
♪ Brand new tricks ♪
That sounded like they might be giants.
Well, this guy, they finally cut to like an older--
This is an old white man.
And, okay, that's a little extra, the surveillance state.
This ad's really all over the place.
♪ It's got brand new tricks ♪
♪ No, we don't ♪
♪ Seriously ♪
♪ We're not spies ♪
And then all the appliances in his house are talking to him.
Like the Roomba.
Yeah.
I remember that.
♪ So messed up ♪
♪ We need to fix it quicker ♪
♪ We're gonna fix the world ♪
♪ By feeding it sneakers ♪
♪ We're digging a huge hole ♪
♪ It's a huge hole ♪
♪ Dropping it, riding it ♪
♪ Dropping it is a dumb thing to do ♪
♪ So done with the works, we all win ♪
So then all these people are surrounding a giant hole in the ground
and a military helicopter drops a giant sneakers into it.
So that's the idea, is that everybody's like,
"The world's messed up, let's feed us sneakers."
Or like we're all lemmings, so it's just like,
"Eat a sneaker and jump in this pit."
I don't think that's what they were going for.
I guess it's sort of like--
That's the really--
Humanity's going down a pit into the core of the earth
and it's gonna burn up.
I'm not gonna be too hard on whatever ad agency made this
because it actually is like kind of on brand for like millennial humor at least.
This definitely has like a millennial--
which maybe is becoming played out--
but this has millennial humor energy of like,
"Let's dig a big hole in the ground to feed the world a sneakers."
That I'm not mad at.
That's like a decent starting point.
It's freaking random.
It's like fun and weird.
But then there is something about everybody's "Sneakers fix the world."
Is that the phrase?
"Sneakers fix the world."
Yeah, that's the hashtag.
And then it's just in the comments--
That is so messed up.
"Fix the world."
Dude, I'm having one of those like stoner moments.
Like, "Dudes, it's a candy bar."
Oh man, imagine getting like crazy big during the Super Bowl.
Oh, dude.
Because the game already would drive you crazy.
You'd just be like, "What the f***?"
And then the ads would just be like,
"Dude, shut the f*** up."
If I was really stoned the first time I saw the Boston Smart Park thing--
Oh, dude.
I was like, "What? Evans, man. Bro."
There were kind of complimentary little bits that they were sharing on social media.
One of which Nick showed us was raising the ire of some DJs
because they had these individual little moments where they were interviewing people
who showed up at this cult-like pit thing.
I also like the idea of going on a thing like, "This is very satanic."
The idea of feeding the world a giant Snickers.
A bunch of people gathered out in nature in this like circular--
It's like midsummer.
Yeah, it's very midsummer.
That would rule them.
It's like they drop the Snickers into the earth
and then like the old people are like jumping off cliffs.
It just gets really violent.
Yeah, just--
What's that guy's name? Ari--
Astrid.
Ari Astrid.
Ari Astrid directed a new--
Ari Astrid directed a Snickers Super Bowl commercial.
It's perhaps the most disturbing violent commercial ever aired during the Super Bowl.
He was fired off the ad.
He was fired off the ad.
This is the version that's going to air.
Snickers. Feed the earth a Snickers.
Snickers death cult.
But also, there's something really funny.
They keep using this phrase, "The world is out of sorts."
Right.
So, "The world is out of sorts."
Very natural phrase to say.
Right. "The world is out of sorts."
Yeah, it's also a very horror movie.
Just like, "What'd you say, Grandma?"
"The world is out of sorts."
"What?"
And then like suddenly the little kid in the world is out of sorts.
But this is an interview with a construction worker and he goes,
"The world is out of sorts. My son lives in the basement pursuing his DJ career."
And some DJs are like, "Man, why you guys always got to rag on DJs?"
Wait, this was in the Snickers ad?
No, no, this is--
Sorry.
This is complimentary material.
It's part of the campaign.
Okay, part of the bonus features.
Yeah, bonus features.
And people are like, "Man, why you got to rag on DJs?"
And so already this, knowingly or not, Snickers is really pushing a sore spot,
which is this kind of like generational thing.
You know, this kind of like millennials and young people getting blamed for everything.
They're like, "We inherited your world, man."
Yeah.
"And now you're just going to tell us."
So anyway, I kind of wonder what the conversation was.
Like, I bet Snickers is probably a little bit on the ropes these days
because it's a candy bar and now, like, you know, here at Apple,
we have bars like Humming Bar with a hummingbird on it,
Honey and Cinnamon Hemp Bar.
And Kind Bar.
Kind Bar.
This one's called Rise, the simplest protein bar.
Dude.
I'm not seeing a lot of Snickers on campus.
That'd be so tight if we just came into the studio here and there was like some Snickers.
Yeah, just like king size.
I'd be down, dude.
I have to say, I think Snickers should go back to the classic, "Snickers satisfies."
I think that was a great campaign.
And I've been in situations where I'm like, "God, I'm kind of hungry,
but I don't want to get like a full burrito or a bunch of tacos right now."
You know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to go to the corner store, get a Snickers.
I'm going to get a Snickers.
It's like 3 in the afternoon.
You've done that?
Dude, on the reg.
And is it because--
I'm probably eating like--
Is it because their advertising just worked on you?
Yes.
I think of the construction worker, like, on the I-beam,
and it's like, "Snickers satisfies."
Like those hearty peanuts.
Yeah.
I'm probably doing like 1.5 Snickers a month.
That's my go-to bar.
That's insane to me.
And especially because you're purchasing them.
Somebody might eat a Snickers, like, you know, on Halloween,
but you're like--you're purchasing them.
Go-to bar.
I'll say, you know, we've been pretty hard on Snickers so far,
but I also have warm feelings towards Snickers.
Hell yeah.
I always thought of Snickers as being like a dependable, classy candy bar.
It's also funny to think that I'm sure like nutrition-wise,
Snickers is no better or worse than any other chocolate bar,
but the idea that--I mean, it is a good one, too.
It has a little more heft.
But also--
In like a milky way.
It satisfies.
You roll to--you're just like, "Damn, I'm hungry,"
and you like roll to the corner store,
and you're just like, "Butterfinger?"
And just like--
Oh, dude.
No, I'm a grown man.
I'll get a Snickers.
Butterfinger's messed up.
Even as a kid, I was like, "This is a f---ed up candy bar."
Well, and they always knew it.
Impossible to eat.
They always knew that they were f---ed up.
That's why they got Bart Simpson.
They were like, "Listen, we're not classy like the Snickers.
The Butterfingers brand is chaotic."
Bart Simpson just like skateboarding, stealing s---.
Our mascot's an eight-year-old boy.
[laughter]
Crispity, crunchity, peanut buttery.
And his catchphrase is,
"Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger."
They're like, "Listen, maybe you're just like
a salt-of-the-earth construction worker."
Okay, what's that guy eating?
A Snickers.
He's a good man working hard for his family.
But Butterfinger, we're appealing to the chaotic evil.
We're appealing to the gluttons.
We want selfish people.
You better not touch my f---ing Butterfinger!
Don't you touch my f---ing Butterfinger!
I honestly can't believe that Butterfinger's on the market.
Because that suggests there's people that are buying it regularly.
Well, first of all--
Like, who the hell is eating Butterfinger's on the reg?
I think Butterfinger's taste good.
But the texture is so screwed up, dude.
It is--
It's mystifying.
And it's like orange.
Yeah.
No, it's so dense.
It's almost like--
Like some sort of like a waste product.
It's dense and flaky.
At the same time.
Right.
It's like very dry.
I think--
This sounds like we might have covered it before,
but I also remember being a kid and just being like,
"I like Butterfingers."
Although, I like all these things in the smaller bites.
A king-sized Butterfinger or Snickers is disgusting.
But I like Butterfinger.
And I just remember when Bart Simpson used to be like,
"Crispy, crunchy, peanut buttery."
And I'd just be like, "Peanut butter? Is that what this s--- is?"
Because it doesn't taste like peanut butter.
It's so weird.
It's a very chaotic candy.
♪ ...terrorized flickering as you pull up to the truck stop ♪
♪ The same old crowd was hanging out again tonight ♪
♪ He said, "Fill up my tank while I go check my load" ♪
♪ It feels like it's shifting all around ♪
♪ He was the kind of man who knew all he could ♪
♪ Above all, he had integrity ♪
♪ But he was so young and on a 10-to-7 ♪
♪ In love with a truck stop girl ♪
So Snickers is the third biggest bar in America.
After Reese's and Hershey's.
Well, just a plain Hershey's.
Who's buying a straight up plain Hershey's bar?
But Snickers used to be the big one.
Snickers used to be the Coca-Cola to me.
It still is, dude.
But I guess they must be down because
they used to just be able to be like,
"Eat us when you're hungry. We're the classy bar.
You can eat us when you're hungry."
It's not like getting a Butterfinger.
But now it's like this weird thing where they're trying to appeal to like
older people or something.
I think they're just overthinking it, man.
I think they're lashing out at a world that rejected them.
I mean, do we have evidence that their sales are down?
I mean, this is really getting in the weeds here.
But like, I don't even, I mean.
We'll look it up for next time.
I doubt the premise that their sales are down.
No, no, I can picture this.
This is Don Draper talking to them.
It's like, "Gentlemen, you're dead and you don't even know it."
Sales are down for the fifth straight quarter.
Look at what's happening in our society.
Kids out there on the streets protesting.
You think Greta Thunberg wants to eat a Snickers?
No, not at all.
Here's how I can save you.
Greta Van Fleet.
Yeah.
Now they're eating Snickers.
Now you guys are--
[laughter]
Hey, guess what, guys?
You're the old guard now.
You used to be doing your funny ads in the '90s and 2000s,
but now you're old school.
I hate to tell you, but Rock's played out.
Yeah.
In the '90s, you had Rock, MTV, Budweiser was like cool.
They always had like the funny ads.
Spuds, dude.
Yeah.
Spuds McKenzie, dude.
But now Budweiser, Rock Music, MTV, and Snickers,
that's the old guard, man.
And so I guess you have a choice to either reinvent yourself
and be like, "Listen, we're going to learn from the youth,"
or you have a chance to become conservative,
and Snickers made their choice.
They're conservative now.
They should do Snickers Classic.
You know what they've been doing, actually, on the rappers
is putting weird words.
Have you noticed that?
I don't eat 12 to 15 Snickers a year.
I'm--
Oh, yeah, yeah, that say like--
I have seen this.
They say like awkward or like--
What do they say?
Rebellious, snappy, spacey, goofball, loopy.
I feel like I've seen weirder ones like awkward or like--
Although I like that.
Maybe they're like, "This is like a fun, confused--"
Yeah, I've seen--
But in the Snickers font.
Yeah.
Hangry.
Hangry, that's a good one.
Maybe that campaign was to appeal to young people,
and this one's to appeal to old people.
But this is kind of Snickers going Trump,
just like the world's changing,
and let me tell you, folks, it's not for the better.
It's not pretty.
Snickers is basically saying make Snickers great again.
Hate to see it.
Rough stuff.
There's something just weird about this commercial
because it's all these downtown urban professionals
at the farmer's market at the bourgeois coffee shop,
diverse racially, all look like graphic designers,
people who, you know--
Not eating Snickers.
But then they're putting these kind of conservative ideas
into their mouths.
What's up with that?
Like the young guy at the farmer's market being like,
"What's happening in the world today?
Ew."
It's weird.
It would have been almost cooler if they just made it
confused old people who are just like,
"What's happening to the world?"
Because then actually kids would find that funny.
Yeah.
It's like how kids love The Office.
The youth today, like Billie Eilish, for instance,
she claims she's seen The Office like 12 times,
the whole series.
Twelve?
Something like that.
That's so deep.
She like samples The Office on her album.
I once read this interesting article.
That is incredibly lame fantasy.
I think I've talked about that with Nick before.
Somebody wrote this article where they were saying
why some movies that are made by older people
that are about teenagers haven't really--
There hasn't been a hit teenage movie in a long time,
even though there have been some decent attempts.
Booksmart?
Well, this article--
Booksmart wasn't a hit.
No, it kind of was, but yeah.
Not--
Critical.
It was a critical hit.
You live in a liberal bubble, Jake.
Out in Snickers country?
Didn't do numbers.
But--
But I'm in Snickers country.
True.
You straddle worlds.
But the thesis of this thing was like
Booksmart had the potential to be the teen movie of this era.
Yeah.
This is not my viewpoint.
This is the article.
And they're like, it didn't connect.
Even though it seems to be a fun movie that people like.
Obama said it was one of his favorite movies of the year,
but at the end of the day, Obama's in his 50s.
And then, look, this is this guy's thesis.
But he says, because you know what really has connected with teenagers?
The office.
And then you could get into, well, the office is streaming
and Booksmart is a movie, whatever.
That's an important point, too.
But he was like, because the office is cringe humor.
So anyway, it wouldn't shock me if you could do some ad for Snickers
that like, rather than showing like young urban professional yuppie 20-year-olds,
just showed all weird old people just being confused and like angry.
And just talking about how they need to feed the world to Snickers.
Who knows?
That might win over some irony poisoned young people.
And then just go in full midsummer with the mass suicide at the end.
Yeah.
[laughter]
I'm on board.
We've opened a whole can of worms.
We're getting in--
First of all, if anybody worked on the Snickers ad, just hit us up.
That could be a cool new segment on TC, just like actual advertising people.
Just be like-- and they probably sign NDAs and stuff.
Yeah.
Anonymous hotline.
It could be an anonymous hotline, yes.
If you worked on the Snickers campaign, call us.
Use one of those voice changers.
Just be like, "Listen, the client was very--
[laughter]
"The client was really clear that we needed to say 'f*** you' to the younger people."
That ad, the Snickers ad, was directed by Tom Kuntz.
Oh, hey!
That's messed up.
Hey!
How do you spell that?
K-U-N-T-S.
That's so f***ed up.
T-Z, right?
T-Z, right.
T-Z.
Holy s***.
I was f***ing off guard because I hadn't said it out loud.
That's a name.
I didn't expect it to sound the way it sounded.
Oh, Kuntz.
Kuntz.
It's like Dean Kuntz.
Nobody spelled it differently.
Two O's.
I went to-- there was somebody--
The reason I bring him up is he has directed a good handful of rock videos.
He's done an LCD Sound System video.
He's done some MGMT videos.
Okay, we could probably get this guy on the horn.
Although, the director did not necessarily come up with the concept.
It's BBDO who's behind it.
Oh, that's one of the biggest agencies.
This seems like the beginning of a fiasco.
This snickers ad.
But also, at the end of the day--
That was so Trump.
Just--
Fiasco.
A little bit of a fiasco.
It's also a little bit Larry.
Oh, by the way, people were wondering if we somehow had inside information that the first episode of Curb was going to be--
going to have a bit about saying New Year's--
Happy New Year's too late.
Of course we didn't know.
Even if friend of the show, Kazzy David, knew, she wouldn't tell us.
But then we did some research, because we were all texting the night that that aired.
We were like, "Whoa, did we predict this?"
And we were like, "There have been brief references to that idea in episodes of Seinfeld and Curb."
So we knew.
It's a preoccupation of Larry's.
This is the first time he made it a running gag in an episode.
But there's episodes of both Seinfeld and Curb where somebody says, "Happy New Year's."
It's like, "It's two weeks. Shut up."
It's like a throwaway joke.
So, anyway, we didn't know, but it was beyond an educated guess.
We were just--
Zeitgeisting.
We were also just familiar with the show.
Should we do a top five?
Yeah, we better move into the top five.
We could talk about the snickers hole.
We could fall deep into this hole.
It's time for the top five on iTunes.
We're going to have a little fun this time.
We're going to pick two different years.
We're not going to do modern times.
Although I would love to maybe get some yummy by Justin Bieber back in.
We're going to do 1967 versus 1993.
Oh, boy.
Why those two years, Jake?
'67 was the first Super Bowl.
Wait, really?
Mm-hmm.
That was the first Super Bowl?
Yeah.
They didn't have it in the '50s?
I think that's when the NFL--
I think there were other football leagues, and they joined to form the NFL,
but I'm not a football historian.
There are all sorts of other bowls.
'93 was the first time they did the huge halftime show extravaganza,
and Michael Jackson performed.
Right.
Before that, they just have marching bands play and stuff.
I don't think it was like a--
The Florida State University marching band.
Exactly.
I don't think it was like--
They should bring that [bleep] back.
Agreed.
I've got a pitch to the NFL.
You guys have a bad reputation.
You got players getting hurt and injured, treated Colin Kaepernick very badly.
A lot of people got problems with the NFL.
Here would be a cool goodwill gesture.
Stop turning the Super Bowl into this crazy media event.
How about next year at the Super Bowl,
the halftime show is a plain-Jane marching band and no ads.
[explosion]
Uninterrupted play.
C-Span style.
Yeah.
Very dry.
Uninterrupted play.
I'll start a change.org petition about that.
Anyways, let's start with 1967.
The number five song this week in 1967, great name, "Kind of a Drag" by the Buckinghams.
Do you know this song?
Mm-hmm.
♪ Kind of a drag ♪
Oh, this is a weird rerecord.
Yeah, this is definitely a rerecord.
Why does this happen?
They don't have the rights to the original recording?
Or the publishing?
Yeah, the band wants to own the master to make a little extra money.
I can't listen to rerecords, man.
Yeah, that doesn't--that just--
I don't listen to rerecords.
Full agree.
But I like the sentiment of that song.
It's kind of a drag when she's untrue.
I don't know if there's more to the song that undercuts it,
but I also like that, like, of course, heartache and heartbreak
is one of the most painful things, one of the most painful non-physical things,
although it can become physical, but that people experience in life.
Love hurts.
But I can understand that sometimes it can feel better
when you're presented with a worldview that helps you recontextualize your pain.
And if you're listening to music that's always about, like, you know,
it's the end of the world when your relationship ends
and you feel like, "I'm dead," using, like, really intense imagery,
maybe there's somebody out there who is really hurting
and they hear this guy on the radio just going, "Yeah, man, it's kind of a drag."
And they're like, "You know what? Yeah. I'll think about it that way.
It's just kind of a drag."
Let's not overblow this.
'Cause, you know, it's the same way that, like, you know, they say
if you smile even when you're not happy, it can make you a little happier.
Sometimes you just got to say that out loud.
You're dealing with some heavy s--t, you just go, "Yeah, it's kind of a drag."
I don't think anyone has given that song as much thought as you just did.
That's off to you, sir.
Maybe back in '67.
No, 'cause at the time that was, like, a phrase people probably threw around.
"That's a drag, man."
But I like it's not even just, "It's a drag."
It's kind of a drag.
'Cause it could be just, you know, there's, like, Rolling Stones.
♪ What a drag it is getting old ♪
And this is just, you know, kind of a drag.
♪ Kind of a drag ♪
It's a great phrase.
I'm going to start using it.
♪ Hey, honey, how was school? Kind of a drag ♪
♪ Hey, what'd you think of 1917? ♪
I haven't seen it.
♪ Kind of a drag ♪
I've noticed on my Twitter that cool people do not like that movie.
Cool people don't like 1917?
No.
I liked it. I thought it was great.
Really?
I guess I'm a square.
No, I think you're cool, Jake.
Oh, thanks, man.
I mean, yeah, I can't even comment.
We'll do our, uh...
Oscar's preview.
Our Oscar special.
[laughing]
Soon.
Time Crisis Oscar special.
The number five song in 1993, "Shanice," "Saving Forever for You."
This was produced by David Foster.
Major dude.
Heavy.
This was on the Beverly Hills 90210 soundtrack.
I don't think I know this one.
Oh, yeah, I know her other hit, "I Love Your Smile."
That was a big hit.
Later on.
♪ But this love I'm feeling Gonna be a feeling ♪
♪ I feel forever more ♪
♪ Looking in your eyes Tomorrow's all I see ♪
What is this song called?
"Saving Forever for You."
Written by Diane Warren, legendary songwriter.
Who's that again?
Didn't she write, like, the Titanic song?
She's known for writing many, many big power ballad type songs.
On a drive recently, I caught some Peter Sotera '80s material.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I threw it on Twitter.
I was like, "God, Sotera really is the master of the power ballad."
Then a few days later, his daughter hit me up on Twitter.
She's like, "Thanks for saying such nice things about my dad's music."
Oh, really?
Well, remember we talked about how Dan from "Imagine Dragons,"
when he was catching a lot of hell from some of his peers,
that he actually came out, and one of the things that was on his mind
was, like, it just bums me out to imagine, like,
is my kid going to get made fun of at school?
Like, your dad's in "Imagine Dragons."
Yeah.
He's like, "I never said we were, like, cool, but come on.
Like, why you got to take it that far?"
And it's possible that, like, Peter Sotera, legendary songwriter--
Yep.
I don't know how old his daughter was.
Maybe she's growing up in, like, the grunge era.
Sure.
And people are just like, "Man, I heard some of the other guys from Chicago,
they were ragging on your dad, and you know what, man?
Like, he's no Kurt."
And she's like, "I mean, come on."
He wrote--
He's no Kurt.
He wrote, "If you leave me now," and they're just like, "Whatever.
That's no 25."
Wait, what's that?
That's no 25, 624, or whatever.
25, 624.
Man, that's nothing.
Which, he wrote, far and away, their best songs.
Yeah.
I think I remember reading once that "If you leave me now" was going to, like,
be left off an album.
Yeah, because--
And it was like, "Are you guys insane?"
Those other dudes were harsh on him.
They were just like, "Oh, whatever."
It's this, like, schmaltzy, like--
He made a lot of money for those guys.
A lot of money, folks.
You know what, Mr. Saterra, if you ever want to come on the show,
we want to hear your side of the story, because we watched the Chicago doc.
We didn't get a lot from you, because you weren't in charge of that.
So, Mr. Saterra, if you and your family want to come--
Open invitation.
You're a friend of the show.
Back to 1967, Aaron Neville--
This must have been the start of his career--
he had a song called "Tell It Like It Is."
Oh, this song's incredible.
♪ If you want ♪
Is this another re-record?
I can't tell. It's right on the--
I think it is.
Oh, no.
Well, like, the drumming and the pianos,
like, they sound too separated and too clean.
His vocal sounds great.
Yeah, great singer.
Oh, yeah, this is like a MIDI.
Enough with these re-records, man.
What the hell is going on, Apple?
I'm pissed.
Back to '93, we now have Boyz II Men--
they were at the Grammys--
performing "In the Still of the Night."
♪ Shoot up, shoot up ♪
So this is them doing a throwback to the '50s.
Yeah.
Oh, and this was for the "Jackson's An American Dream" soundtrack,
also produced by David Foster.
Man, this guy was killing it on the soundtrack front.
♪ Of a night ♪
♪ I held on ♪
Who did this one originally?
The Five Satins, 1956.
Oh, okay.
You know something I don't talk about a lot?
What's that?
I love doo-wop.
Dude, I'm right there with you.
I'm so into doo-wop.
Dude, I'm so there.
I love all the great doo-wop groups.
Dude, Duke Earl?
I love that sh--.
I remember being young and--
this is so old school--
borrowing a CD from the public library
that was, like, "Best of Doo-Wop."
I mean, my parents had some good records.
My dad had a record that was a compilation
that had some coasters and some--
♪ That Charlie Brown, ba-ba-da-da-da ♪
♪ He's-- ♪
♪ Why is everybody always picking on-- ♪
And I remember taking a CD out, 'cause I was like,
"I like doo-wop."
Those songs are good.
And I also just love the idea of just groups of guys
in New York and stuff,
just kind of tough guys on a street corner
just working on their harmonies.
Bring it back.
Complex four- and five-part harmonies.
Yeah, 'cause you know what?
Not to be a dick, but what I don't like as much
is acapella culture.
And I know there's been some great stuff
that's come from acapella culture.
Fully agree.
But there's just something about it.
Acapella, it's so collegiate.
And you know, I can't stand music that started out of college.
Unacceptable.
Unacceptable, folks.
Good music doesn't start in college dorm rooms, okay?
It starts on street corners.
So I'm not that into acapella culture,
even though I've met great acapella groups.
Van Berwigan's performed with some great acapella groups,
including at a Bernie Sanders rally four years ago.
That's right.
Shout out to them.
So it's just that acapella culture...
Let me get my thoughts straight,
because I don't want a whole press nightmare here.
I like acapella culture at colleges.
He's repeating on acapella.
Yeah, just get in.
I can't even say it.
Acapella culture.
Acapella culture.
Acapella Twitter going nuts.
Yeah, just, no.
First of all, acapella...
Please acapella Twitter.
It's nothing but love.
But I like the idea of acapella
as being something that people do at college,
because that's cool.
Get together and sing.
That's fun.
I guess what I'm saying is,
what we're missing in addition to that,
because that's a fun group activity,
but doo-wop is something where you just get a gang together
and you start it.
So think about all the people who do acapella in college,
and then college is over.
Well, that's it.
Maybe you do a reunion every now and then,
but you're not part of the institution anymore.
Those people should be able to...
There should be a Tinder or something
for people who want to sing together.
You just graduated from Vassar,
and now you move to Chicago,
take a job in advertising.
You used to be in a fun acapella group.
Now you're all alone in Chicago.
There should be a Tinder where you open that up
and say, "I'm looking for three other people.
I sing tenor.
I need an alto soprano and a kind of bass voice.
And let's link up,
and let's meet on a corner in Lincoln Park."
You know what?
I'll put out an open casting call right now.
And I respect what Pentatonix did for the acapella culture.
They took it out of the colleges,
and they took it to the people.
They're huge.
They're doing crazy numbers.
-Hella pro.
-They're very pro.
And there's some cool people in Pentatonix.
But again, that comes from acapella culture.
That's the Beatles.
I'm here to pitch a Rolling Stones to that.
-Right.
-I'm looking for four tough guys.
And listen, to start out, rehearsals,
I'm sorry, it's going to be on a street corner.
Because...
-Outdoors.
-It's going to be outdoors.
-Regardless of temperature.
[laughter]
-I'm looking for four Boston guys.
Oh, wait, actually, that could work.
Chris Evans.
-John Krasinski.
-Mad Damon.
No, no, I'm looking for...
-Vernon Wahlberg.
-I'm looking for unknowns.
I'm looking for four tough guys.
Maybe we should start in L.A.
I don't want to be too harsh, but look,
you know, sometimes at night in L.A.
could get down to the 40s.
Bundle up, fellas.
-That's the rules of the genre.
It has to be practiced and written and performed outdoors.
-And we'll be making the biopic in real time.
That'll be a great moment for the biopic.
You know the manager of Bob Marley and Peter Tosh's first band
when they were like 13, basically,
and he would make them go practice singing all the time?
And in the Bob Marley documentary,
they tell the story that he made them go sing
and perform in the graveyard at night,
and they were like scared shitless.
-Wow.
-And he was like, "If you can sing,"
I think he used the word "duppy,"
I mean, like, I don't know, I guess ghosts or spirits.
I'm not totally sure, but he's like,
"If you can go sing for the duppies,
"and not be scared, you can sing in front of everybody."
-I didn't know that backstory.
It's almost like, what was that movie about the drummer?
-I think it's called "Drumstick."
-Whiplash.
-No, it's called "Drumstick."
-It wasn't "Whiplash." I think it's called "Drumstick."
-Yeah, so, like, the bald guy in "Drumstick"
is taking this, like, militaristic approach
to Miles Teller, and is just like,
"You effing suck!"
-Yeah.
You got to pay your dues.
Anyway, I'm putting an open call out there.
That I'm starting, I'll be your manager,
and I guess creative director.
How old should they be? I don't know.
-Like, 16, 17?
-18 to 25.
-Okay.
-'Cause I want them to be able to buy cigarettes.
-Adult.
-Yeah.
-Legally adults.
-I want them to be 18 to 25,
'cause I want them to be buying cigarettes a lot.
[laughs]
And that'll be a cool part of, like, the biopic, too,
is that I send them to go just, like, make waves
at an a cappella conference or a competition,
and everybody's like, "Who are these guys?"
And then they just go up there and, like, blow some minds.
-They crush with original material.
-And we're doing originals.
-Yeah.
-And there's gonna be a lot of
"Bing, bing, bang, ba-dime, ba-dime, boom, ba-dime."
We're gonna use the language of old doo-wop.
And also, first of all, doo-wop is--
it doesn't have to be a cappella, of course,
and often it wasn't, at least on-- it recorded,
but you could take it a lot of different places,
'cause, I don't know, they were a doo-wop vocal group,
but the Tokens who did "The Lion Sleeps Tonight."
-Oh, my God.
-He-he!
You got the guy with the really high voice.
You got the-- you know, also, like, people love Jersey Boys.
Those guys basically come from the doo-wop tradition.
-Sure.
-Tough Italian guys from Jersey.
-And also-- and then--
-Maybe I gotta go-- this would be a good reason
for me to get back to Jersey more often.
-Well, dude, this is a full tri-state tie-in,
because then you got the Billy Joel record,
where it's like a full doo-wop/Four Seasons,
like, tribute record.
-Yeah, you know?
-But it's all originals.
-This could be big.
I'm gonna get--
-Dude, next vampire?
-Maybe.
Well, you know what it is--
-That would be the least cool thing,
but I'd be so on board.
-♫ What else could I do? ♫
♫ I'm so inspired by-- ♫
No, this is separate.
I might-- you know, I might--
I might-- I might get these guys on a track
on the new record, just to get, you know--
-Yeah.
-Just to get their name out there,
but no, I'm gonna do my thing.
-Yeah.
-I wanna find four Jersey Boys.
Maybe we'll call them the New Jersey Boys.
It's kind of a plan of ours.
-How has that not been a band already?
The New Jersey Boys.
-The New Jersey Boys.
You know what, I'm gonna make them practice
out in front of a dunk of donuts.
They gotta put a Yankees hat out
to ask for change,
and then that'll be, like, the story.
It'll just be like--
-We were busking for donut holes.
-Yeah, oh, God, that's such, like,
a corny part of, like, a biopic.
Just like, "Uh, Mr. Koenig, you know,
we're kind of hungry.
You mind buying us a few donuts?"
And I'll say, "Fellas, you sing, then you eat.
I'm not buying the donuts.
Sing for your donuts."
[laughter]
All right, New Jersey Boys.
-That's the name of the memoir they write.
-Sing for your donuts.
[laughter]
All right, New Jersey Boys, but seriously,
if there's any TC heads,
I'm looking for four tough Jersey motherf---ers
with the voice of an angel.
All right, back to 1967,
we got Snoopy versus the Red Baron.
-What the hell is this?
-This is a novelty record, as I recall.
-Do you know this one?
-I'm vaguely familiar.
I think this is a novelty record
that's Snoopy versus the Red Baron.
I've never fully understood why Snoopy--
I think in the Peanuts, Snoopy would often have--
Snoopy's the dog.
-Yeah.
-He walks upright.
He's kind of a humanoid dog.
And I think Snoopy would often have--
-Terrifying.
[laughter]
-I think Snoopy would often have flights of fancy.
'Cause obviously--
-Is it literally about Snoopy?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it was--
-This isn't a joke?
-It was him versus the Red Baron,
like a World War I German ace.
-Like a fighter pilot.
-Yeah, like a fighter pilot.
Because I think, if you picture the world of Peanuts--
-Jesus.
-Was a very kind of mundane, quiet, suburban--
-Yeah.
-Melancholic existence, just Charlie Brown being like,
"What's going on?"
But then--
-Just a sad ennui.
-I think they would spice things up
by letting Snoopy would have a dream
where next thing you know, he's just out there,
just 30 confirmed kills during the campaign.
[laughter]
-Anyway, so this is--
This is a novelty record about--
-After the turn of the century
In the clear blue skies over Germany
-Sounds like the Beach Boys.
-Yeah.
-Is it like--
Sounds like Mike Love singing.
-Game of Road and Thunderman
Have never heard
Like the screaming sound of a big war bird
Up in the sky, a man in a plane
Baron von Richthofen was his name
He tried and 80 men died
Now they're buried together on the countryside
10, 20, 30, 40, 50 or more
-Confirmed kills, man.
-Oh, he's talking about his confirmed kills, yeah.
-And he's just racking them up.
-Dude, American sniper.
-This song can be heard towards the end
of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.
-Oh, that's perfect.
-Perfect.
Also, just imagine, this is 1967.
There are 100% dudes in Vietnam
hearing this on like the
Good Morning Vietnam radio station.
-Nuts.
-These guys are like a novelty group
called the Royal Guardsmen
and they went on to record
several other Snoopy theme songs including--
-Ooh.
I mean, it's not that bad.
-No, it's good music.
-If they had written like different lyrics,
it just would have been a band.
-But they record other Snoopy songs including
The Return of the Red Baron and Snoopy's Christmas.
In 2006, they reunited and released
[laughter]
-What?
-In 2006, these guys reunited
and released Snoopy vs. Osama.
[laughter]
That's what it says.
We got--oh, God.
We got to look this up.
Oh, my God.
-That's a reunion that no one was asking for.
-Snoopy vs. Osama.
Jesus Christ.
-Nice.
-Oh, my God.
Oh.
Truly a tasteless palate on every level.
In a real bad land.
Shame on you, rail guardsmen.
[laughter]
Oh, God.
This is like weirdo outsider art at this point.
[laughter]
This is like that dude--what's his name?
Matt something Noakes who did the Tower--
-Oh, Martin Noakes.
-Martin Noakes who did the Tower 7 song.
-Martin Noakes is far more talented.
Oh, by the way--
-I agree.
-We forgot we were going to get Martin Noakes on the show.
-I was like, "Did we do that?"
-No, no, we're going to do it.
That's a good reminder to get Martin on the show.
-Holy Christ.
-I mean, guys, just--so just imagine.
It's 2006, five years after--
-That's like the best thing I've heard in a long time.
-Five years after 9/11 and these guys are just like,
"Guys, America needs us.
We need another flight of fancy in which Snoopy,
the cartoon dog, murders the enemies of America."
Also, just like the lyrics, "In a real bad land,"
just like--and also opening with like the--
-Oh, yeah.
-It's like super Islamophobic.
Royal Guardsmen, shame on you.
Back to '93.
-Wow, very--in '93, very soundtrack heavy.
So far, everything's been on a soundtrack.
-Bodyguard?
-No, Aladdin, A Whole New World.
It's been all kind of '90s, vaguely R&B power ballads.
-Is this David Foster?
It's got that palette.
-Tim Rice.
-I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
-What is this?
-That was real deep.
-Did you see Aladdin when it came out, or were you too old?
-I think I was too old. I was 16.
-This is where the days between really comes into effect,
is in the early '90s.
-You saw it?
-You were 16, and I was 9?
-Yeah.
-Or you were like 17-ish.
-93, I would have been 16, yeah.
-It's also funny that this is like the grown-up version of it.
You know, like also Elton John doing the great songs
from The Lion King, those are crossover pop hits.
-I did see The Lion King in the theater.
-Good film.
But you know, Elton John, that's a song,
even if you didn't see The Lion King,
the lyrics to, what's the big Lion King song?
-Can you feel it?
-Is that the one?
-Yeah, yeah.
-Okay, it is.
-That's one of the big ones, and that was a pop crossover
because that doesn't really reference the movie much.
He does use the word vagabond, which is the funny word choice.
It's enough to make kings and vagabonds.
-That's pretty on-brand for Bernie Taupin.
-Yeah, that's pretty on-brand.
I don't think he wrote those lyrics, but sure.
It's not a weird Elton John thing.
-I like that you know that Taupin didn't write the stuff on Lion King, dude.
-I think he linked up with Tim Rice again or something like that.
But in this song, A Whole New World,
you don't need to see the movie to relate to it.
A Whole New World, that could be a pop song.
-Is this the one that goes, "A whole new world?"
-Yeah, "Don't you dare close your eyes, a new fantastic--"
Yeah, I know the song very well.
I'm the right age to know the song very well.
-Let's get to the chorus.
-But anyway, I just wanted to point out that that part always--
In the movie, Aladdin is literally talking to Princess Jasmine.
So when he says, "Tell me, princess,"
he's literally just saying the character's name, Princess.
There's always something funny to me being a kid
when I would hear the grown folks version on the radio,
and Peebo Bryson goes, "Tell me, princess."
[singing]
I remember hearing that on the radio as a kid
and being like, "This is weird."
[singing]
Magic carpet ride, bro.
[singing]
Great singer, though.
It's a good hook, that chorus.
[singing]
This early '90s R&B pop ballad aesthetic,
I'm finding pretty tasteful right now.
I could see Bon Iver going in this direction.
Oh, yeah, that'd be sick.
[singing]
This is a beautiful song.
I'm really feeling it.
This is the song so far we've heard by a mile.
[singing]
The harp, yeah, gorgeous.
[singing]
Wait, wait, time was our hoax.
[singing]
Nice.
[laughing]
Great tone.
[laughing]
Not the most tasteful guitar tone, but...
Trans-Siberian orchestra vibes.
Couldn't this be like a sick David Bowie song?
Oh, yeah.
[singing]
[laughing]
Like something of Ziggy Stardust.
Yeah.
Queen featuring David Bowie.
For sure.
Oh, yeah.
Just Bowie and Freddie Mercury going head-to-head on this.
That would've been sick.
Do you think they sang that live together?
It sounds to me like they did, but...
That's just a convincing performance.
Right.
I was picturing them, like, both with headphones, like, in the studio singing together.
Who is this singing?
Peebo Bryson and Regina Bell.
This would go on to win Grammy for Song of the Year.
Well, that's tight.
And it won the Academy Award for Best Original Song.
That's like a shallow moment.
Cleaning up at the Grammys and the Oscars.
Hell, yeah.
Zayn Malik and Javi Award recorded a new version for the 2019 remake of Aladdin.
Did you see the remake of Aladdin?
No.
Did you?
No.
Seemed disrespectful to the cartoon.
Was it live action?
It was live action, but...
Who wants to see a live action Aladdin?
Apparently, a lot of people.
Was it a global smash?
It was a global smash, but I think all these movies do pretty well because the parents are nostalgic for it.
Right.
And they're like, "Oh, man, now I get to share this with my kids.
I get to share the slightly more disturbing live action version of The Lion King with my kids."
Oh, right.
They did the weird live action scene.
Well, hold on.
Let's see how the Zayn and Javi Award hits.
Wait, is Zayn from One Direction?
Formally, yes.
Okay.
Look at me.
Zayn got that TC bump.
Yeah.
I'd bring a little more Middle Eastern flavor to it.
He's like real laid back.
Yeah, it's not the right vibe for the song.
This is not bad, but I mean...
He needs to be emphatic about it, dude.
Look, no...
I can open your eyes.
Nobody should have to compete with Peebo Bryson.
That guy sings his ass off.
Back to '67, the number two song, Georgie Girl.
I know this song.
By the Seekers?
Yeah.
"Hey there, Georgie girl, walking down the street so fancy free."
This is from a movie...
A lot of movie songs from a movie called Georgie Girl.
I've never seen the film, but this always seemed like a fun song.
And also, they're from Australia.
This is probably one of the very early hits for Australians.
This song also reminds me...
It's not on it, but it's very similar to songs on the Rushmore soundtrack.
Oh, sure.
Could totally see that.
Could totally hear this deep background on Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, too.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, probably everything on this top five.
"Hey, Cliff, uh..."
Yeah.
Just a great '60s pop song.
Back to '93, "If I Ever Fall in Love."
Now we got a remix here.
So this is "Shy," "If I Ever Fall in Love."
Nothing but slow jams this week in '93.
Very mellow week.
[laughs]
[repeats]
[laughs]
Sultry.
It's cool.
Cool production.
Spooky.
[sings]
His lead vocal is kind of mixed low.
[sings]
That's kind of sick.
That's a great...
Also, that reminds me of Dirty Projector's "Gun Has No Trigger."
Oh, yeah.
Totally, dude.
I mean, that's like a common chord change, but...
This song's cool as hell.
Yeah, I'm in.
The number one song back in '67.
This one needs no introduction.
"The Monkees."
Now this is no re-record.
Yeah.
Also, so "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood."
Oh, yeah.
It's funny, I think about Tarantino editing the movie and trying out different songs.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Like, "Oh, it's Brad Pitt with 'Drunk Driving Home.'"
Like, "Let's try this 'Monkees' song."
This has like hundreds and hundreds of them.
Did you grow up watching reruns of "The Monkees"?
Yeah, I did a little bit.
I don't really remember the show very well, but...
This is also a great song in that the music helps tell the story of the lyrics.
Like, the verses are just like, "I don't know, man. I don't really believe in love.
I'm kind of dejected and I'm singing down low."
And then it's like...
Yeah.
The organ represents the love.
Yeah.
Sick.
Great song.
Of course, this was a little cover by Smash Mouth for the Shrek soundtrack.
And then Weezer would cover it for another Shrek movie, "Shrek Forever After."
And I believe I've told the story on this show about how they reached out to Vampire Weekend
about covering this song for...
Covering this song?
I can't even remember the story anymore.
It was something about somebody from Shrek asked us if we would do a song,
but it was partially because Weezer had just been in a bus accident.
Uh-huh.
Somehow it was made clear to us that because Weezer was unavailable, they like...
Nick just pulled out...
I know I told this story because Nick just pulled up an article.
"Vampire Weekend didn't appear on Shrek soundtrack because
Ezra Koenig refused to capitalize on Weezer's misfortune."
Is that from a TC story?
No, this is... I think I said it on Twitter.
I'm also confused. They're asking...
Okay, here...
...bands to cover the same song multiple times?
Yeah, you know, it's like on a TV show.
Every season they get somebody new to do the song kind of thing.
Okay.
I f***ing wrote this article because they had my back.
James Grabe.
I'm sorry, I don't know how to pronounce your name.
James Grabe.
Grabe.
He told the story like it is.
So he talks about how Weezer were scheduled to contribute a cover of "I'm a Believer" to the 2010 film.
Right, the timing makes total sense. Shrek ever after.
But it looked like they weren't going to be able to make it following a bus accident.
The soundtrack supervisor turned to Vampire Weekend to fill in,
but Koenig declined saying he refused to capitalize on Weezer's misfortune.
Weezer were ultimately able to record the track and Koenig made the right choice,
but it was a hard choice to make indeed.
"Do I sometimes regret the decision? Of course," he tweeted.
"Do I sometimes lie on Twitter and say I was on Shrek soundtracks? Yes, once."
That's how it all started, is because somebody asked me if we'd ever been on a Shrek soundtrack,
and I said, "Yes."
And then I actually told the real story about how we almost were.
Deep.
We're hoping to get Smash Mouth on the show, actually.
We got so many questions for them.
I was just painting a picture for us, that early '90s San Jose scene.
I mean, that'll be a hell of an episode if we actually get them.
Anyway, "I'm a Believer," great song.
This has been a great top five on both sides.
It's a little more upbeat from the '67, but '93, just some killer ballads.
Kind of deeper ballads.
And you're not going to believe what's number one.
So far we've been talking, we've had a lot of these killer ballads from movie soundtracks.
Guess what's number one, '93? Maybe the ultimate.
Oh, Whitney Houston?
You know, you weren't here at that time when Justin from Boney Ver came,
and we talked about this song, and this song meant a lot to him, too.
He had a very deep emotional connection to it.
And he probably knew the Whitney version first.
I think so, yeah.
Yeah, he had a really deep story.
I think they had a cassette of it, maybe somebody's grandpa died or something,
and he's listening to it a lot.
Wow.
Dude, I was listening to this Dolly Parton podcast that kind of was a hit, I think, in the last few months.
And she was telling the story of this song when she was leaving.
When she wrote this?
Yeah, she was leaving the Porter Wagoner television show, which had made her a huge star.
And he got crappy with her, very possessive, and was like, "You're leaving? I made you, how can you leave?"
And she's like, "I have to leave, the vibe's not there anymore."
And so she played this song for him in his office.
That was the story she told.
And this was her goodbye song, like, "Listen, I'll always love you."
Really? And I wonder how he reacted.
Was he just like, "Okay, whatever, like I said, f*** you."
Yeah. "I'll have my lawyer call you."
Songs don't always hit the same way the first time.
Sure.
I think they were estranged, okay, I'm trying to remember the episode.
They were estranged for decades, and then I think they had a deathbed reunion.
Wow.
Where they kind of made it okay.
But I got kind of choked up, I was in the car listening to this, and I was like...
I mean, this is such an emotional song. Beautiful song.
Now, because he's been gone for such a long time, and we almost got him this time,
but between being out of the country and being very busy,
we've been very sad to not have Seinfeld here,
although Nick's done a great job crunching the numbers.
We're going to do a quick check-in with Seinfeld, just to cap off this episode.
Sweet. Great.
Now, let's go to the Time Crisis Hotline.
Hey, what's up?
Seinfeld. Listen to that energy, man.
You're raring to go.
What's going on? I miss you guys.
Where the hell you been, man?
Miss you, man.
Yeah, well, don't worry about where I've been.
I bet you've been out crunching numbers for some other internet radio shows.
Oh, I would never-- I mean, I've been crunching numbers for myself personally,
but, you know, it's just part of my life.
All right, well, look, we don't want to give any of your crazy fans too much info.
We want to protect your privacy, but can you at least tell the Crisis Crew,
are you in the continental United States?
I'm in the USA.
Okay. So now we're getting somewhere.
Yeah.
We have to keep him on the phone for another 30 seconds,
so that we can fully pinpoint his location.
Anyway, so Seinfeld, have you been watching the new Curb Your Enthusiasms?
Yeah, did you say Enthusiasms?
That's multiple episodes now. It's two at least.
Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I've been checking it out, and I've actually-- for the listeners,
I've prepared a special report recapping what's been happening so far.
On Curb?
Yeah.
Great. All right. Episode recap. Here we go.
Let's get into it.
All right.
It's official. Seinfeld co-creator and friend of the show,
Kazzy David's dad, Larry David, and his usual gang of comedy misfits are back
with season 10 of the hit HBO comedy, Curb Your Enthusiasm.
And this time, he's playing for keeps.
Okay. Are you reading something?
You prepared it.
Yeah.
Is that all you got?
No, no, no. I've got a little bit more.
And Jake, I'd appreciate it if you don't interrupt my flow.
This Super Bowl Sunday might be the big game,
but the biggest tackles will be coming in after the final touchdown on Curb,
where Larry David will be tackling some of the hot button issues of our time.
Those buttons are so hot, you're going to need some Neosporin for your fingers
because of the third-degree burns from those hot buttons.
Larry is declaring war on MAGA hats, the #MeToo movement,
and also not to mention even the coffee industry.
As they say in the movie 1917, when it comes to war, laughter is the best medicine.
Paging Dr. Larry, we're going to need three cc's of comedy to the ICU. Stat.
I have a feeling that Seinfeld might have gotten a job at HBO
because that level of work would only be somebody who's actually been professionally--
Yeah, there's a professional sheen to this copy.
Not to the performance, but the copy.
Yeah.
But the copy that's not characteristic of TC.
You need to write this kind of stuff for TC because, again,
when an average TC head goes up to a civilian and they're trying to describe,
"You've got to check out this internet radio show," first of all, they're already like,
"What do you mean? A podcast?" "No, it's an internet radio show."
"Well, what's it about?" "I mean, these guys are talking about corporate food culture, grateful--"
"What? What are the--? What? Well, it's Ezra and Jake, man. It's a painter, American painter."
"No, it's a mess. You try to get somebody into the show, it's a mess."
You need to do this kind of--
Impenetrable mess.
It's an impenetrable mess.
You need to create this kind of slick language so that maybe we even start printing it on cards.
We could send this out to members of the crisis crew.
The next time they want to describe it, they don't have to be grasping and be like,
"Oh, well, then they were talking about--"
Okay.
"Wayne, Houston." It's going to be something that was written by our in-house--
our head of marketing--
Copywriter.
Our copywriter, Seinfeld 2000, that says something like--
You know what I mean?
Okay. Yeah, I got to say, I put a lot of effort into making this report on Curb Your Enthusiasm informative,
but also feel natural.
And I feel like it's sort of inspired a lot of running commentary on both my report itself,
my role in the show, and the future as far as bringing cards into things.
I don't really appreciate it.
I'm a big fan of the show.
This came from the heart, what I prepared tonight.
And I feel like I've just been getting a lot of snarky energy, frankly.
And Jake, I don't know about your process, but I certainly don't--
I know that I don't come into your art studio and start commenting on your work as you do it in real time.
Same goes for you, Ezra.
I would never let you do that.
Okay, look, someone's getting lost in translation.
I know we had text about you coming by the studio.
I'm rescinding the invitation.
Whoa.
Wait, no, no, I--
I like this new plot point. It's Jake versus Seinfeld.
Invitation rescinded.
I'm sorry if we got a snarky energy in the way our tones--
First of all, you got to understand, you might not understand this as a Canadian,
it's Super Bowl Sunday.
It's basically a holiday in the U.S.
And we might be adopting a kind of snarky bro-type humor,
but only because this is a day when we get that kind of energy.
You know, the guys get together, they have a laugh, watch funny Budweiser ads.
So there might be a bit of a cultural thing happening here.
It's not like when you watch the CFL Grey Cup.
It's a little bit of a different--
It's a little bit of a different energy.
And anyway, we're saying you did a great job with that.
And we want you to--we want to bring--we're promoting you, Seinfeld.
You just got a promotion.
Oh, okay.
You are no longer our social media intern.
You are our CMO, Chief Marketing Officer.
That actually is a great feeling, man.
And I got to say, I feel bad that I exploded there.
You know, it's a role that I accept, and I will take it seriously.
I appreciate you talking me down
and making me really feel like a valued member of the crisis crew.
I can't have my guys fighting.
I'm like a coach.
I can't have my guys fighting.
Listen, our enemy--
I appreciate it.
Our enemy is the San Francisco 49ers, not each other.
I don't know why I chose that we're the Chiefs.
But--
Party unity.
But Seinfeld, seriously, write up some copy
that's one or two succinct paragraphs
that will help explain time crisis to the layperson.
We're going to print up about 30 of them.
We're going to laminate them,
and we're going to send them out to 30 of the biggest TC heads.
Okay?
All right. I'm on it.
Well, that's about all the time we have.
We'll see you next time.
Seinfeld, you going to get back to the studio soon?
Oh, yeah.
And, Jake, is that invitation back on?
Yeah, bud.
All right.
My guys.
See you next time.
Time Crisis with Ezra King.
Be-be-be-be-be-be-beast.
One.
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