Episode 135: Time Crisis Election Special
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Transcript
Time Crisis, back once again.
The world is changing.
The McRib is back, for the first time in eight years.
We'll be talking McRibs as well as a sweet chili heat world premiere of the new
Mountain Brews EP, All That, plus friend of the show, Hannah Fidel,
and Nick Robinson, the star of her new FX show, A Teacher, swing by.
This is
Time Crisis with Ezra Koenig.
They passed me by, all of those great romances.
The world I felt, wobbly, all my rightful chances.
My picture clear, everything seemed so easy.
And so I dealt to the floor, when a bus had to go.
Now it's different, I want you to know.
One of us is crying, one of us is lying.
Leave me lonely babe.
Time Crisis back once again.
Well, it's been a big week, and I do want to say that this show is a pre-recorded one.
So just in case between when we're recording and a couple days later when it broadcasts,
any big news happens in the world of classic rock or corporate food,
we won't be able to get to it.
We're operating a couple days behind, so we're trying the best we can to cover the big news of the day.
But, you know, maybe RB is going to go buck wild on Twitter Sunday morning,
and you'll have to wait two weeks for it.
That's how Time Crisis works.
But in the meantime, we've got plenty to discuss.
So for one thing, a lot of people have been hitting us up about the fact that the McRib is back.
And it was funny getting so many messages about the McRib,
because I realized, of course we've talked about the McRib many times on this show,
most recently in the context of the Travis Scott merchandise drop,
and before that famously with Jake's friend Lonnie's dad,
who kept his McRibs in a chest freezer in the garage.
But despite how large the McRib has loomed on this show,
I feel like we've never really got into the history of it.
Like, we've talked more about what it means to people, but I just kind of realized it's a real blind spot for me.
First of all, I'm not sure I've ever even had a McRib myself.
Have you, Jake? Perhaps at Lonnie's house?
No.
Right, because it's not like his dad was defrosting them for you.
Not to my knowledge.
I'll admit, it's kind of like if you don't follow a sport,
or you know, remember when Game of Thrones was really hot,
and some people would be like, "Well, I don't watch Game of Thrones."
And it's like, "Alright, well, you're just not part of this."
I feel like the coming and going of the McRib,
it's interesting to realize how meaningful that is in a lot of people's lives,
because for me, I haven't followed it, and it seems like it's kind of a big deal this time.
So I guess my first question is, how often is the McRib available?
Like, half the year? Like, what's going on?
Full years will go by without it being around.
So it's totally random?
McDonald's just kind of plays with the supply and the demand?
Well, it could be a function of pork prices.
Like, when they decide to reintroduce the McRib,
it could be a function of pork prices.
There was an article I found that went way too deep on this theory.
This is its first time back in eight years.
Wait, like, literally, there was not a McRib sold in the past eight years?
Not nationally.
So when you say that, that means that, like, locally,
one part of the country or one franchisee?
It seems like it's a permanent menu item in Germany and Luxembourg.
Oh, so just in the U.S.?
Good old Luxembourg.
You know, it's funny, this theory of pork prices.
Remember at the start of the pandemic,
we were talking about the fact that there were, like, so many extra chicken wings?
Because certain types of, like, low-quality meat that get produced en masse
to be sold at arenas and giant events,
there's just, like, not the same type of demand for, like, consumption in the home.
Like, NBA season's gone. NCAA tournament's gone.
That's millions of wings that would have been sold for kind of get-togethers
and, you know, big games.
I wonder if there's something similar where it's, like, a lot of low-quality pork.
Because we have to assume McDonald's is using, like, relatively low-quality pork.
That the pandemic in this year maybe kind of, like, destroyed some element of the pork market.
Now all these, like, pork farmers are just trying to unload their product.
I could also imagine, I don't know how long you can, like, keep a pig alive on a hog farm,
or even when once you slaughtered it, how long you can keep the meat frozen.
But I wonder if it's, like, in March,
the pork market gets, like, totally upended by the pandemic.
And there's something about now, eight months later,
you know, they're hoping the pandemic would be over,
but they've got all these hogs and they're just like,
"All right, f*** it. Fire sale."
Can I give you a little history, though? Just real quick?
Yeah, yeah, please. Let's take it back to the beginning.
They were introduced in '81,
and they were developed by the same executive chef who invented the McNugget back in '79.
His name is Rene Arend.
He's not American. I'm forgetting where he's from, but...
Oh, it says he's a native of Luxembourg.
Okay. Oh, well, there you go.
And so basically what happened was the Chicken McNuggets were introduced in '79,
and they were, like, a huge hit.
And then there wasn't a system in place to supply enough chicken
for the insatiable demand that people had suddenly for Chicken McNuggets.
And so they're like, "We need another pureed meat product,
besides hamburgers,
that we can put on the menu to sort of supplement the nugget
when we can't supply the meat for the nugget."
So this guy came up with a McRib,
which is, you know, it's like a ground pork.
It's a slurry that's put into this oval shape.
Yeah, slurry is one of the most disgusting words ever.
A slurry just implies a kind of, like, blended mix of...
Yeah, almost like a sauce.
And I guess also when you hear slurry with regards to meat products,
I feel like that means it's not just meat.
Or it's not-- it's certainly not just the, in this case, rib meat.
You've probably also got little bits of, what, like cartilage or...
Oh, yeah. I'm just gonna look this up. Meat slurry.
I type in "meat slurry" and I get the Wikipedia page for "reconstituted meat."
"Reconstituted meat, meat slurry, or emulsified meat
is a liquefied meat product that contains fewer fats, pigments,
than unprocessed dark meats.
Meat slurry is more malleable than dark meats
and eases the process of meat distribution as pipelines may be used."
Oh!
Isn't steak 'em a slurry as well?
Yeah, steak 'em's an emulsified beef product.
I remember when we were talking to the steak 'em guy,
coming across the phrase "emulsified meat product."
Fun stuff!
So anyway, that's the real short of it with the McRib.
They couldn't keep up with chicken.
It didn't really take off the way the McNugget did.
They discontinued it in '85, and then since '89,
they've intermittently brought it back as a promotional thing
or a way to sort of short the pork market.
God knows what decisions or what factors go into these decisions.
Whenever you read about American factory farming,
you kind of get the impression that most of, like, our meat,
these are coming from giant, giant industrial farms.
It's not like, "Oh, yeah, McDonald's has contracts
with over 10,000 small American farms to get their..."
It's probably, like, two or something.
Maybe it's even one.
It's, like, some kind of, like, you know,
multi-billion-dollar company that just provides, like,
87% of all pork in America.
So I almost wonder if this year,
being so crazy, so hard on the pork market,
you know, maybe, like, a company is about to go bankrupt
or something, and this guy's sitting on, like, so many extra pigs,
keeping them alive, feeding them.
I wonder if some s*** like this could actually be just, like, a phone call.
You know, like, the president of, like,
the biggest pork slurry distributor in America or a hog farmer
literally gets on the call on the phone with the CEO of McDonald's,
and he's just kind of like, you know, "I'm over a barrel here, man.
I'm gonna give you such a f***ed up price that
I'm not even getting a bonus this year. That's how bad things are.
But here's the thing, man. Bring the f***ing McRib back.
I'm here on bended knee. I know the past eight years,
things got a little bit weird between us,
but I got more f***ing hogs than I know what to do with,
and I'm gonna give you the f***ing sale of a lifetime.
Just bring back the f***ing McRib."
I would love it if it goes even deeper, where, like,
these are two guys, like, in their 60s,
and, like, maybe they're, like, kids dated.
Like, listen, I know it got messy a few years ago
when, like, Tommy broke up with Brenda, man.
I know that was rough. I know she, like, she--
he really broke her heart.
"You canceled the McRib that year.
I thought it was a little bit much, but, hey, we all love our kids."
So, in an article from 2014, just so you know,
Lopez Foods in Oklahoma is the sole supplier
of the McDonald's pork.
-There you go. -Nailed it.
And in this article about how the McRib is made,
it's--it's so disgusting.
Hi, there. I have Ted Lopez calling for Ray A. Kroc IV.
[Laughter]
"Mr. Kroc, do you want to take the call?"
Ted Lopez, you got to be f***ing kidding me.
No, actually, the Lopez dude actually jumped on the PJ.
Wait, where's McDonald's headquartered?
Is it California?
It's either here or Illinois.
I mean, there's, like, hamburger universities in Illinois.
I should know that. That's--
I'm gonna mess up I don't know that.
Illinois. Chicago, Illinois is the--
-Okay. ---main hub.
That's a short ride on a PJ.
The dude from Lopez actually got on the plane,
-flew to Illinois. -Chopper.
Oh, yeah, he just took a chopper.
"Lopez, I didn't think I'd see you darkening my door."
"What the f*** do you want?"
"Bring back the McRib, man."
He shows up unannounced.
-Lopez shows up unannounced. -Yeah.
"Mr. Kroc, there's a Mr. Lopez here to see you."
"What do you mean? He's in the lobby."
Barges in.
Oh, wait, I just looked up the actual--
the actual McDonald's CEO is Chris Kempinski.
How old is he?
He's 52.
He was born in Cincinnati, Ohio.
He earned a bachelor's degree from Duke
and an MBA from Harvard Business School in '97.
Hell, yeah.
"Lopez, I have an MBA from Harvard."
I don't need to hear this s***.
Wait, so what's the company called again, Nick,
that supplies Lopez Foods?
Lopez Foods in Oklahoma, yeah.
Yeah, I'm looking at their website,
lopezderada.com.
One of the nation's leading protein-producing companies.
Oh, my God.
Look at the Lopez Derada website.
Just, like, this deeply unappetizing
breakfast sandwich on the front page.
There's just, like, all these busted pictures
of, like, unappetizing sandwiches
on their website.
Oh, man, I'm loving the shots of HQ.
Those are very Jake.
Yeah.
Oh!
Yeah, that burger looks rough, man.
Or it looks like a sausage patty.
I think this actually is a family business.
Dave Lopez is the VP of sales,
and it says they have a commitment to diversity
as the nation's largest Hispanic-owned
protein-producing company.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Is there a wiki for Lopez Derada?
"Lopez Derada Foods was established
as a product of Wilson Foods."
Already, I'm like, what?
[laughter]
Even, like, the structuring of that sentence is crazy.
It's a slurry.
"Lopez Derada Foods was established
as a slurry of Wilson Foods,
a leader in the meatpacking industry
as far back as the early 20th century.
Known initially as Anderson Meats,
Lopez Derada Foods became producing
fresh frozen beef patties from McDonald's in 1968."
So they initially were called Anderson Meats,
and then maybe they felt more comfortable
later leaning into the Hispanic name.
Well, if you look at the picture on their history page,
like that picture with all the corporates
cutting the ribbon,
it doesn't seem like a very diverse leadership.
That is true.
Well, we gotta learn more about the Lopez family.
I mean, is this like an Einstein Brothers situation?
Who's the Lopez?
Oh, John C. Lopez,
which is a successful McDonald's owner/operator.
I found a picture of the Lopez family.
There we go.
Yeah, John C. Lopez, he was in McDonald's.
He had a bunch of restaurants,
and he bought the company
and changed the name to Lopez Foods.
Wow.
Lopez Foods expanded its international footprint
from '99 to 2004 with the acquisition
of a facility in Guatemala
that provided beef patties and produce
to the McDonald's system in Central America.
And then they bought a beef processing plant
in Columbus, Nebraska,
and they've got a joint venture with Tyson Foods
in Reidsville, North Carolina.
Yeah, it's always very interesting,
these companies that have like one giant client.
Like, I'm curious about, you know,
how much of their protein is sold directly to McDonald's.
Yeah.
You could really imagine that
if the McRib is on the menu or it's not,
that has a huge impact
on how much pork they're gonna be producing,
how many people they hire, you know?
We might need to really get into
some investigative journalism,
but I am curious,
why this year of all years
did you bring back the McRib, McDonald's?
I wonder if a spokesman from Lopez Meats
would be willing to talk about the...
or McDonald's.
Seinfeld, can you reach out?
Let's go, I want to go straight to Lopez
'cause I got a lot of questions about their business.
If we can get John C., that'd be great.
If we can get one,
it looks like both of his sons
are big in the company.
Also, TV show idea,
an Oklahoma-based version of Succession
that takes place with a protein family.
That's a great idea.
♪ If you love me, please don't judge me ♪
♪ Got my hands tied, the power's above me ♪
♪ Don't shoot the messenger ♪
♪ I'm just a puppet here ♪
♪ If you want a place blamed ♪
♪ Then look to the puppeteer ♪
♪ Family, fortune, envy ♪
♪ Jealousy, privilege, past on legacy ♪
♪ Secrets, sabotage, borderline ♪
♪ Felony, suicide, subtract, selfish, pedigree ♪
♪ When the love's gone and the hate's there ♪
♪ Better watch out 'cause it's Cape Fear ♪
♪ When your family ain't your family ♪
♪ And your legacy is just a name there ♪
♪ In your mother's eyes, it's a blank stare ♪
♪ But your father's picky who remains here ♪
♪ It's a power struggle, it's a tug of war ♪
♪ That's amongst the kids and it ain't fair ♪
♪ Who gon' stop the pain? ♪
♪ Who gon' block the dream? ♪
♪ Who gon' stop the shame? ♪
♪ We are not the same ♪
♪ Walk in a tightrope, ain't a lifeboat, no ♪
♪ Just a free fall when I leave your womb ♪
♪ If you love me, please don't judge me ♪
♪ Got my hands tied, the tower's above me ♪
♪ My bloodline was not chosen, ooh ♪
♪ This bank account is not frozen ♪
♪ This thing of ours is not broken ♪
♪ What's understood is not spoken ♪
♪ If you love me, please don't judge me ♪
♪ Don't judge me ♪
- Can I just acknowledge how creepy it is that they pour the slurry into a mold,
then shapes it into a rib-like sort of shape?
That it's not just like a patty, but they actually emulate some sort of pseudo-McRib?
- Oh, yeah, absolutely. - Imagery of that, or?
- Like, do I have an image of the-- - Well, I mean, it's odd to have the shape of bone.
- But no bone. - Yeah.
- The bone is meat. - That's the least appetizing part about it, I think.
- Yeah, it's not-- it's an oblong patty.
- But it's not-- it's an oblong patty with bone ribs.
- It's the shape of ribs. - Like a Flintstones style.
- Obviously, on Time Crisis, it's a time-honored tradition here to make half-baked references to postmodern philosophy.
But I think, actually, things like the McRib and meat slurries are a favorite topic of philosophers,
of like a 20th century French philosopher type, you know, a Baudrillard or something.
I know just enough about these people to reference them without fully getting it.
But I think people love that. You know, philosophers love talking about the image
and how, you know, the image represents something, but then there's like the image of the image,
and we live in a culture that's so disconnected from, like, the original thing
that we're kind of floating out in a world of signposts and signifiers.
And I think this type of thing, maybe not the McRib specifically,
but this idea of creating a f***ed up meat slurry and then repackaging it in a grotesque form to represent meat,
that's that exact type of, like, you know, postmodern condition thing.
At the very least, there's a philosophy dissertation gathering dust at some university somewhere
that references the McRib and the slurry process. - Yeah.
- Wait, and actually, hold on, before we get back to the Lopez's, this is the question that I had.
Is a rib sandwich, like, a traditional thing? Like, down South, you get rib sandwiches?
- You can't. You can get pulled pork, but that's... - Well, because it's got bones in it, right?
- It says the rib is a bone. That's what I... So, yes, the simulacrum of rib is bizarre.
It's actually also very, I think, sort of peak, like, post-capitalist too, right?
You're like, "We want to eat every part of this, and we can't eat the bones, so we're going to maximize the meat.
So we'll just make the bone this slurry." It's very Frankenstein.
- Yeah, you know what this is like? It's almost like if McDonald's started making a fried chicken sandwich,
and you opened up the buns, and you just looked at a drumstick, and you're like,
"Oh, a drumstick. I got to eat around it." And they're just like, "No, no, no. Just take a big old bite."
It's like, have you ever gotten a bucket of fried chicken, and you're eating the drumstick,
and you're like, "God, it's so f***ing lame that I have to eat around the bone.
I'm left with this useless bone." And I guess that is a thing too.
Like, when kids get little nuggets, sometimes one will be vaguely in the shape of a drumstick.
- Yeah, or a boneless chicken wing. - Or like a dinosaur.
- Right. A boneless dinosaur. It's a tiny bit also like if they use a kind of big cookie cutter
to make every burger patty just in the shape of a cow.
- Oh my God. - Can somebody write that down?
That's just a TC business idea. Cowbur-- that'd be really bizarre.
That'd be like some crazy full-circle postmodern s***.
We open a burger chain that's called Cowburger, and they're like, "Why is it called Cowburger?"
And we're just like, "Because the burgers are in the shape of a cow!"
And they're like, "Aren't all burgers cowburgers?" And you're like, "Uh, no."
- We make actual cowburgers. - We also offer turkey burgers in the shape of a turkey.
Exactly. It's like, "I question, why are the turkey burgers also in the shape of cows?"
I'm glad you asked that. It's a question of efficiency.
If we had to create different cookie cutters for every burger we do, our margins would be f***ing shredded.
And actually, the cowburgers are really profitable because we're using less beef.
- Because there's the space between the legs under the torso. - Exactly.
That's a kind of a ripoff for the consumer.
- It's a thicker-- - Yeah, why does that have to be--
We have to make up for it with girth.
Why does it have to be a circle patty?
We'd have to have this arduous training video for the employees.
It's like, "When you use the cow cookie cutter, of course you're going to get these kind of awkward strips around the outside."
Now, here's the thing. Don't you dare throw that s*** out.
That goes into the slurry pile, and you keep adding to that.
And then eventually you'll have enough to make another full cow.
Don't play with us. You don't get rid of those little doodads.
- You put them back into the bucket. - Oh, absolutely.
But then we've got to run a promo. There's the space between the legs under the torso.
You can put a jalapeno popper under there.
You can make it up.
You know, a ball of fried mozzarella. Whatever you want to do.
I love the idea that everything is cow-shaped.
That we have Chicken McNuggets, but they're cow-shaped.
We could probably even get the fries to be cow-shaped.
How come KFC has never done a boneless drumstick?
- Why is there no KFC's? - Do you want to know what I was thinking about?
I actually have been thinking about it since Ezra said it.
It is so upsetting to think about taking a bite into a drumstick and having no bone there.
And then just sort of chopping away and just eating the whole thing.
That seems more grotesque than anything we've talked about.
At first.
Obviously, very few people outside of vegans and people are very concerned with the ethics of food.
Who, you know, historically we've always shown respect and admiration for on this program.
But I think that there is also something about the chicken that you eat.
You know somewhere in your brain that this chicken was raised on a farm for you to eat.
But you also kind of want to imagine that its life wasn't pure hell.
And in a way the bone is a symbol of God's handiwork.
Because God put the bones in the chicken so that the chicken can roam.
Live its life. Explore the world around it.
You need bones to do that.
And especially a drumstick.
Because that's involved in walking and clucking and flapping and all that stuff.
So even if they could, which I've been hearing rumors my whole life that KFC, you know,
developed like weird blind boneless chickens that are just like born.
I still think the average American consumer doesn't want to believe that these chickens were merely born to die.
The bone is a symbol of freedom.
And once you take that away.
I see it differently.
These animals, you'd have to face the fact these animals were born to die.
Yeah, I see the bone as a bitter reminder.
It was a corporeal being. It was a corpse.
And you think about this animal with bones in its body and then just being cooped up.
And to me it's dark.
That's why, you know, if I'm eating chicken.
This is a disgusting episode by the way.
I actually prefer.
I'm not big on like drumsticks.
I like the illusion of like a chicken nugget.
I prefer that.
Something that comes from a chicken slurry.
I thought you were going to say that you saw that.
Skinless breast or something.
If you're going to get like go to like the Whole Foods and get the, you know, air chilled boneless skinless breast.
You prepare that with lemon and rosemary and you have a classic chicken.
I don't want the bone.
It's just like a bummer.
I think people like holding the drumstick too.
People like to go to medieval times and eat the big turkey drumstick.
People often say it makes them feel like a king or queen.
Kind of a Henry the Eighth or something, you know, like taking a big bite at that.
So it provides some kind of vague function.
But anyway, I've still got this article about the Lopez family open.
So first of all, Seinfeld, if you don't mind, can you get start drafting an email to the Lopez family saying we'd love to have you on time crisis.
If you're willing to talk, you will be in the company of illustrious guests such as Huey Lewis, Jamie Foxx, Larry David, Larry David.
Put asterisk next to Larry David.
But yeah, just say, you know, this is a big time show.
We get hard hitters and it's part of the Apple music family.
I'm reading about Lopez Foods and says it all started with Lopez's father, company founder and chairman, Emmerdice, John C.
Lopez, who dreamed of being a millionaire.
She's so straightforward.
His parents operated a grocery store, so he grew up surrounded by food.
While the food intrigued him, he didn't like the long hours.
OK, and eventually opened some McDonald's.
And it's a little bit like a kind of social network.
You know, a million dollars isn't cool.
What's cool is a billion dollars.
You could picture somebody being like, man, I own five McDonald's.
This is amazing. I'm raking it in.
This is so cool. Somebody's like, you're thinking too small, man.
You know who really rakes it in?
The people who sell them the fucking meat.
And then he's like, oh, my dreams have been so small.
Just owning some McDonald's. Obviously, you're never going to own McDonald's, but you could own a giant meat company that provides a slurry pipeline to McDonald's.
And that's what happened. But I genuinely am curious about how.
Because I imagine a year with the McRib and a year without the McRib.
We're talking about a difference of hundreds of thousands, millions of hogs.
Right. You got to think.
I mean, how long in advance did they plan this?
Maybe I'm totally wrong with the pandemic having anything to do with it.
Maybe McDonald's called up Lopez in like 2015.
No.
Lopez, you got five years. We're bringing the McRib back in 2020.
It's our five year plan.
I bet it's like a 90 day turnaround.
I mean, then they suddenly got to hire all these extra people, maybe.
I don't know.
I mean, they're supplying McDonald's with the sausage patties.
I mean, the pipeline's already there.
I think it's a total COVID thing.
And they were like, all right, we got something that's going to excite the people.
They're at home. They can eat at fast food.
There's no worry about that. Right.
Let's take advantage of this opportunity.
I wonder if it has to do with COVID and prices.
I guess I got to try the McRib.
In my white tee.
Call up Mike Williams for the hype, please.
They gon' wipe you before you wipe me.
Unbox these checks, not my Nikes.
Cacti's, not no iced tea.
Got 'em bamboozled like I'm Spike Lee.
You need more than Google just to find me.
I just call up bae to get a high fee.
Incredible.
General.
I just thought that Lego just to sign me.
Me and Chase connected like we signed me.
We been on a run, feel like a crime spree.
Talk to me nicely.
I see his face.
Yeah, on his white tee.
Well, today's a special day for a variety of reasons.
It's good vibes in the universe.
Everybody's happy and calm.
The holiday season's approaching.
We got McRibs at McDonald's nationwide.
And on top of that, we finally got some new music for Mountain Bruise.
So first I want to say congratulations, Jake.
Thanks, man.
It's been kind of a long time coming.
When did you first start working on the new Bruise EP?
I think like June or July.
I think the worst margarita of my life concept was born on an episode like in the summer.
June or July.
And it was, you know, yeah, obviously a quarantine album.
I bought a mic and a mic stand.
And then everyone recorded their parts in their houses using Logic, Apple product.
And we were going for a kind of '80s, kind of Hornsby, a little bit of Buffett, a little bit of Don Henley energy.
A little bit of light reggae.
Yeah, classic rockers kind of hitting their middle age in the 1980s.
Yeah.
Which produced a lot of great music.
Absolutely.
Steve Winwood.
What's this EP titled?
Raised in a Place.
Right.
So Raised in a Place is the song on the EP.
It's also the title of the EP.
And also just to backtrack for the fans, this is the third Mountain Bruise EP, which is
kind of notable because four songs each times three.
That's a full-length album at this point.
Yeah.
An album's worth of Mountain Bruise material.
The first one was just called Mountain Bruise EP, right?
Yep.
And second one was Let it Grow?
Yep.
And now Raised in Place.
Yeah.
And the first two were kind of coming from the same sessions.
Right.
This one's a lot more collaborative.
Should we call Aaron, Matt?
I figured that we'd have Aaron Olsen back on the show because he did a lot on this album,
on this EP.
I mean, these songs were all kind of written as a band too.
The other one, like the first two EPs, I wrote all the songs and then everyone made up their
own parts.
This EP was truly collaborative, which was killer.
Ezra, I give you a songwriting credit on Worst Margarita of My Life.
You did?
Well, you came up with the idea.
Wow.
I was like, you gotta give the guy that says, "Ooh, that's a song."
You gotta give him, I mean, come on.
Wow.
I really appreciate that, Jake.
Because it means a lot.
I'll tell you what, man.
This industry is full of snakes.
Not everybody looks at it that way, but you're a real stand-up guy.
I'm very proud of that, actually.
I was already proud just because I sing backup vocals on Worst Margarita of My Life.
And as I've said on the show, I think for a song that came out of a humorous discussion
on the internet radio show, that's easily a top three bruise song to me.
Kill her, man.
Now, let's go to the Time Crisis Hotline.
We're now joined on the program by Jake's collaborator.
What's up, Aaron?
Hey.
Welcome back to the program.
Thanks for having me.
So, Aaron, you're a co-writer, producer, and performer on this Bruisey thing?
That is correct.
I mean, so is Ryan Adliffe contributed a lot to these tracks, too.
As well as John Nixon.
And John Nixon, yeah.
Richard Pictures.
A lot of the Richard Pictures family.
Basically, yeah.
But yeah, I did contribute quite a bit.
Yeah, I just did vocals.
Vocals and lyrics, basically.
And some of the chord progressions.
And like some of the chord progressions.
But then Aaron would program all the drums, played all the bass.
Ryan played all the keyboards.
Aaron played a lot of the guitar.
John played most of the leads.
Yeah.
Like, I changed a bunch of chords.
Yeah.
I think, like, yeah, you kind of had basically demos, and then I like spiced them up.
Yeah, and then I just played a bunch of stuff.
Like, worst margarita of my life is, I basically made the whole song,
and then everyone came in and like filled in some filigree around it.
Including yourself.
Great arrangements.
Thanks.
I was just saying, very proud to sing backup on that.
Also, Danielle Haim, shout out to her.
For sure.
Yeah, she really makes the song.
Yeah.
Well, let's start listening to it.
What's the track called?
"Rays in a Place."
The title track.
Ryan came up with this piano riff.
Oh, yeah, I love that.
Super Hornsby.
The whole thing started with Ryan learning to approximate Bruce Hornsby's piano,
I feel like.
I don't even know what your demo of this was.
Was it guitar?
No, Ryan sent me the piano.
Oh, yeah.
And I just wrote the words and vocal part over his piano demo.
And then Aaron took that and really ran with it.
He took it and really like Don Henley, the end of the innocence kind of vibe.
Really trying to tap into that like 1989 drum sound.
Yeah, the drums were kind of an amalgamation of--
Ryan and I both made synth drum tracks.
Mine were a bit more like clap heavy, which was, I feel like,
an end of the innocence move.
Yeah.
That's the great Casey Johansson singing on there as well.
Aaron, what's the like sax style instrument that Ryan plays on this?
I believe it's called an eewee.
Electronic wind instrument.
Indeed, yeah.
That's the one.
We've been calling it the wind jammer because that's a better product name
wise.
But yeah, the sax in this song I wrote in MIDI.
And then Ryan went back and learned and played on basically
a MIDI controller instrument.
Just to give it a little more--
What someone in 1989 would have thought made something more humane sounding.
Or like more--
A little bit of that human touch.
Yeah, very little.
I was raised in a place so far away from here.
Yeah, there's Casey.
I was raised in a place so far away from here.
I was raised in a place so far away from here.
Guys, this is an instant classic.
Thanks, Seinfeld.
Thank you.
Yeah, the CD's really up to the races.
Track one.
About to get into the real sax moment here.
Ooh, yeah.
Big moment.
That was a great transition.
Great work, Aaron.
Thank you.
Yeah, at this point, this is just all Aaron and Ryan.
And then John soloing.
And then me editing everything endlessly.
Ooh, yeah.
I love how insistent the beat is.
Oh, yeah.
How long is this song?
Is it over five?
[LAUGHTER]
Over five, dude.
You never want to hear that question
in the middle of a song.
[LAUGHTER]
I admire it, because I think all that instrumental stuff,
every second was earned.
Oh, thanks.
Nice work, Aaron.
I love that piano.
Thanks.
I added that piano tag completely written in MIDI.
Beautiful.
Yeah, I mean, the idea was to take the Don Henley, Bruce
Hornsby aesthetic, and then just let it--
like, if those guys jammed out on a record.
Yeah, and I was going to say, too,
like, there's a tiny touch of, like, a late '80s, early '90s
Bruce Hornsby sitting in with the dead.
They're using some, like, MIDI--
a lot of MIDI sounds, just like some interplay.
Mm-hmm.
Jake, I got to ask, I know we may have covered this
when you first brought the song up,
but what was the original lyrical inspiration for this?
Is it about Connecticut?
Yes, it became about Connecticut.
I mean, some of the references are specific
to Southbury, Connecticut, but, like--
Oh, really?
I had been like, Ryan, make up, like, a Bruce Hornsby
instrumental and see if it goes anywhere.
And he made one up, and he just titled it "Raised in a Place."
And I never even asked him why.
So I was like--
I think he was just making up, like, a fake, like,
'80s Heartland Rock title.
But I thought it was, like--
I actually thought it was, like, really funny.
So then I just, like, took that and ran with it.
I was raised in a place that's become a disgrace.
The first line is sort of, like--
It could be about, like, I don't know,
the political environment or whatever, but not really.
'Cause then it's a story about the guy driving back
to his hometown, and all the old buildings
have been ripped away,
replaced with shopping centers of beige and brown.
Like, he has these memories of this town,
and it's all a bit--
Like, there's no trace of those places.
It's all just been erased, erased, erased, erased.
And, yeah, it's, like, probably the song that I've done
that is most thematically tied to my paintings.
Ah, yeah.
The lyric is, "The pumpkin patch, the fall harvest
has been paid with a new target."
And that's a real one?
That specific reference to Southbury?
It didn't get paid with a target, but there--
Yeah, there was a pumpkin patch that was, like,
this kind of quaint New England thing
in this small town in Connecticut,
where in the fall, there'd be a big pumpkin patch
to get your pumpkins for Halloween and Thanksgiving.
And then sometime in the '90s, it was paved over,
and there's this, like, kind of a faux New England
shopping center.
I think there's, like, a Staples in there.
There used to be a Blockbuster video in there.
All right, Pete.
I think also a couple things
about the "raised in a place" concept
that at least struck me were how grand it sounds
as a statement, but how little it actually says
as its own statement.
Yes.
Like, it's like saying, "It is what it is," or something.
But I remember when Jake first told us the title,
and I also found it really funny,
but I guess the thing about "Mountain Bruise"
is that it's not--
all the songs have, like, heart, you know?
There is a version where if you didn't finish
that sentence, Jake, if you didn't say,
"I was raised in a place that's become a disgrace,"
you could actually--
[laughs]
You could have done just, like, a full joke song
that basically is, like-- would have been just, like,
some dude trying to write a Bruce Springsteen song
or a John Mellencamp song, but he just, like, kind of--
almost like a robot tried to write it.
He was like, "And I'm raised in a place!
And I came back to that place!
And I looked around!"
But you actually took it to a place of meaning,
which I respect, considering the initial phrase
could literally just be, like--
Yeah, like you said.
Also, the-- I mean, the way the song did end up playing out,
I feel like it ended up being the very--
I mean, the '80s heartland exploitation genre
is coming up in a time where music production
became so overproduced and effects and new technologies,
and it's all these people complaining about
how America used to be, but then the sound of it
is this totally '80s--
Yeah.
What are you-- do you not see it?
Yeah, that's a great point.
And they're talking about how all the factories are closing
and the farms are in trouble, but it's like all synth.
And then there's this huge gated snare.
Yeah.
I wonder if any French philosophers
have ever referenced that.
I wonder if there's anywhere in a university archive somewhere
a dissertation about the postmodern condition
that references both how McRibs are made
and how '80s heartland rock was made.
'Cause, yeah, the first thing I thought of
is famously on Jack and Diane,
it's a drum machine, right?
Yeah.
I mean, arguably, him saying, you know,
"Life goes on, don't sweat it too much,"
but it is funny to think, like you said,
a genre that's about being bewildered by changes,
some of the people who made it
wouldn't even give a drummer a job.
You know?
Yeah.
Like, you could make the case that John Mellencamp
just having less people work on the record,
that was his version of, like, you know,
Walmart coming and blowing out the mom and pop store.
Yeah.
The individualistic, greed is good, 1980s.
Get yours, man.
As a sound, it's just more corporate, I guess, sounding.
Right.
Big, fat, radio-friendly, expensive beats.
All right, well, let's get on the next track.
What's coming up here?
"Bring Wind."
I've heard a version of this.
Ooh, big drums.
Speaking of big drums.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, this is kind of like our '80s light reggae.
Yeah.
Spring wind blows this time each year
A fresh breeze, the hummingbirds are here
From Mexico, they ride the northern winds
Way up to Alaska and back down again
Their feet are pawing like a bee
Nature's helicopters so stationary
Can they hover way up in the sky
Or do they remain tethered by their size?
Spring wind
Watch the grass start to grow
Spring wind
See the map, the rock exposed
Spring wind
Hear the rustle of the leaves
Spring wind
Who's singing "Spring Wind?"
That's our friend Casey Johansing.
She also sang on "Raised on a Pinnacle Place."
She sang on "Let It Grow" too.
Oh, man.
This is John Nixon taking the solo.
The lyrics make me think of poetry
more than classic rock.
I'm personally thinking of this because
I was looking at some Boca poems the other day.
You know, the kind of just observation of nature.
Yeah.
In kind of like a zen way.
Like, you're not, as opposed to some other classic groove song,
you're not applying your kind of critical eye
to modern culture.
Right.
Whether it be modern sports culture
or modern retail culture.
Just kind of like a cool observation
that goes on.
Yeah, definitely.
Which is cool.
It's kind of like a rare perspective in rock music.
It's kind vibe.
Yeah, kind vibe.
It's a dude sitting in his backyard
watching the hummingbirds come in with the spring wind.
Right.
And marveling at the hummingbirds and just being like,
"Whoa, these little guys fly from Mexico
all the way up into Canada and then back?"
There's these little hummingbirds that are three inches long.
And then you're thinking,
"How high into the sky do they even go?"
Do they fly all the way up to Canada and back,
you know, ten feet off the ground or twenty feet off the ground?
It's like tripping.
When I see a little hummingbird just like in the backyard,
are they on this epic journey?
Yeah, they're probably stopping in your yard
to take a little breather, have a little rest.
Whoa.
They're going to fuel up on the little flowers in your yard.
Or they're going to drink the refined sugar
that's coming out of the hummingbird feeder in your backyard.
Do you have a hummingbird feeder at your house?
Yes.
That is a pretty profound way to think about it
because, yeah, when I see a hummingbird,
it's always fun to see a hummingbird.
Yeah.
My wife and I have definitely taken pleasure,
like, in listening to the mixes of this,
just like, man, that's funny that this is what Jake wrote this song about.
It's just like, it's the simplicity of, like, spring wind.
It's brought us joy to know that.
That's cool.
It's going through your head.
He was definitely inspired by, like,
very wholesome and square '60s folk music.
Right.
Almost like, I mean, I know "Morning Dew"
has, like, sort of a dark context.
Yeah.
It's supposedly about, like, nuclear winter,
but it was, like, that idea of, like,
very wholesome, square '60s folk music
and then just, like, writing a song like that.
But then, like, yeah, we were doing this, like, '80s reggae production.
Yeah, we went very infidels, as so--
or I did, I guess, as a rapper.
Oh, yeah.
Shout out to Joker, man.
Yeah, totally.
Yeah, very much.
Yeah, the arrangements are great.
It all sounds awesome.
Yeah, I love that vibe.
And even just thinking about it now,
understanding the full context that you explained it, Jake,
it makes you realize something, too.
Because I think sometimes the best poetry about nature,
even if it is just, like, a little zen haiku
that just describes, you know, the frog jumping in,
splash, whatever,
part of how I've always understood that stuff
is that sometimes just the mere act of, like, observing nature
is also a way of, like, understanding
that you're not the center of the world.
And so much songwriting and poetry is about the deep,
you know, intense feelings that humans have
in our interior world.
But sometimes just the act of observing
what goes on around you, especially in nature,
is also a way of just kind of, like,
thinking outside your own head.
And it is an interesting choice
for talk about the journey of hummingbirds,
because I don't think--
I'll admit my own ignorance--
that when I see a hummingbird, I do feel like,
"Ooh, look who showed up into the space that I'm in.
Look at those fast little wings."
I don't think about it more like--
what's really happening is I'm like the dude
who works at the truck stop.
I'm a secondary character.
This guy's on a much longer journey.
He's, you know, he's driving from Texarkana
to Atlanta or whatever.
I'm just a small fry in this guy's journey.
He's stopping in.
He's on this epic voyage,
and I don't think it dawned on me
that those little guys are on a much more epic journey.
Yeah, when the hummingbird shows up in our yard
with the hummingbird feeders,
they're like, "We struck gold, man.
There is just, like, Mountain Dew Code Red
coming out of the fountain.
We are just gonna, like, load up on this, man.
Let's just get happy on this hummingbird food,"
which is basically just sugar and water.
That's all it is.
"And let's go hog wild on this and then hit the road."
Right.
Then it's like, "Everybody good?
All right, let's hit it."
[laughs]
Which, interestingly, yeah,
track three is the complete opposite,
I would say, semantically.
Yeah.
Because it's very literal
and about drinking a bad margarita
at a Dodgers game.
Oh, yeah.
So this is really big,
because we've talked about this song
more than any other one on the EP.
Yeah.
So this is the sweet chili heat world premiere
of the long-awaited worst margarita of my life
by Mountain Brews.
Let's hear it.
[static]
[distorted voice]
Time Crisis.
This is the Time Crisis sweet chili heat.
Sweet chili heat world premiere
brought to you by Doritos.
Sweet chili heat.
I think we just gotta let this one play, you know?
Okay.
Talk after?
Talk after, yeah.
Okay, see you on the other side.
I'm actually gonna get a little tequila to celebrate.
Oh, yeah, I might do it, too.
♪ Lately things don't seem the same ♪
♪ I can't focus on anything ♪
♪ Sure I'll go to the baseball game ♪
♪ I'll watch the players I don't know their names ♪
♪ But I think I know what'll cheer me up ♪
♪ Sweet chili heat in a cup ♪
♪ Mix it with a sweet and salty brew ♪
♪ For $15 it oughta do ♪
♪ But it was the worst margarita ♪
♪ The worst margarita ♪
♪ It was the worst margarita of my life ♪
♪ How could a teen treat their fans like this? ♪
♪ They make their money, they don't give a shish ♪
♪ I swear it was flat mountain dew ♪
♪ I don't need tequila for a noxious brew ♪
♪ Maybe I should just go buy a beer ♪
♪ Gaze at the distance from the upper tier ♪
♪ The air is hot and stagnant still ♪
♪ I'm three sips in, I think I had my fill ♪
♪ Of the worst margarita ♪
♪ The worst margarita ♪
♪ It was the worst margarita of my life ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Some corn chips and yellow sludge ♪
♪ I pound a dog, I don't give a fudge ♪
♪ This always happens, I know it will ♪
♪ I leave the park feeling physically ill ♪
♪ The parking lot tonight is moving slow ♪
♪ Drunk drivers with nowhere to go ♪
♪ We may maybe have to wait a while ♪
♪ Sober up now, boys, it's single file ♪
♪ From the worst margarita ♪
♪ The worst margarita ♪
♪ It was the worst margarita of my life ♪
- Cheers, Ezra. - Cheers.
That last chorus, when there's two Daniels, one Ezra and one Jake, it's just...
Love that last chorus.
Oh, and Aaron, of course. Aaron did all those, like, Kokomo-style backing vocals.
- I hope we all sing it together live one day. - Yeah.
- I mean, that'd be great. - I think it turned out great, guys.
- Thanks. - I just ran to a drink so little that I was like...
Well, I guess I drink wine the most, so I was just running around looking for some tequila.
Found some, and then just in a fit of inspiration, I saw in the fridge we had some kind of lemon vinaigrette.
- Ooh, ouch. - For salad. I put a little bit in.
- How's that working? - It didn't even, like, mix.
It's like, there's just, like, these big circles of, like, lemony oil on the top now.
Okay, this is amazing. Somehow Ezra has surpassed Dodger Stadium in making the worst...
- ...in making the worst margarita of his life. - Exactly.
- I don't think I like this tequila. - What kind is it?
- Herradura. - I don't know. Yeah.
- Are you guys familiar with Herradura? - I don't think I am.
- All right. - Epic fail.
That's an epic fail. I love the, like you were saying, Aaron, I love coming out of Spring Wind into Worst Margarita of My Life,
because this might be one of, like, the tightest Brews EPs narratively.
- Yeah. - Obviously, the production is very unified,
but also just, like, the type of story you're telling. There's something about, like, raised in a place, watching things change,
and then there's this kind of, like, moment of, like, observing nature and watching the hummingbirds on their epic journey,
stopping by for some refined sugar. And then suddenly you're like, well, what's...
Like, I'm picturing this, the dude, the Mountain Brews guy, he had this moment of kind of, like, cosmic consciousness,
feeling like part of something bigger as he watched the hummingbirds.
He wasn't thinking about his own problems for a few minutes, sitting in the yard, and just realizing,
wow, nature's so much bigger than whatever's going on at my house.
But then, like, the next day, his buddy's like, you want to go to the Dodgers game?
And then he realizes, wow, those birds are so free.
They stopped by for some refined sugar on their epic journey. What's my version of it?
A margarita at Dodgers Stadium? It's like, yeah, polar opposite.
Well, the EP only gets darker from here.
Oh, boy.
Also, does your character eat nachos and a hot dog as well as that margarita?
Uh, yes, yes, yes. Corn chips and yellow sludge. I pound a dog with sludge.
Oh, you know, one question I have for you is, the Dodgers won the World Series, right?
Yeah.
Is that a question?
It was kind of a question. I'm just like, double checking.
I knew they did, but I was just being on the radio. I was second-guessing myself.
Does that mean anything to you, Jake, as somebody who's been to some games,
obviously has some problems with the organization?
[laughter]
It means very little to me. I did watch about half the World Series. I watched the last few games.
Good games. Fun games. Fun to reconnect with the sport for a few days.
But I haven't thought about it since, if I'm honest.
I'll go to a few games a year. I will avoid the margaritas studiously.
But yeah, really, you know, having given it a second thought.
I had an idea for a shirt, though, in Dodger blue.
Something to do with the worst margarita of my life.
Maybe "worst" is in the Dodgers font.
In the Dodgers font? Or "worst marg," one word.
Yeah, something. Either "worst" or "worst marg."
And then some play on the Dodgers.
They have great design. I love the LA logo.
And I love the font of Dodgers.
And I love that rich, royal blue with the white.
It's almost Greek or something.
Would it be too crazy if the whole shirt was just in the big, fat Dodgers font?
"Worst margarita of my life."
That could work.
The "O" is the baseball.
Oh, yeah. Totally.
This was the first time the Dodgers won since the '80s, right?
Since '88, yeah.
I'm sure somewhere in LA, there's a person who's a diehard Dodgers fan
and a diehard McRib fan.
Probably the first half of this year was tough for them.
The first two-thirds of this year were tough for them,
as it was for many Americans.
And there's somebody who's just year--
They couldn't believe their luck.
First Dodgers series since '88, first McRib series since 2012.
And then maybe they're also a Biden fan.
And a Lakers fan.
Oh, yeah, and a Lakers fan.
I feel like this year suddenly just turned around so hard for you.
You probably got a smile on your face ear to ear.
I mean, your supply of frozen McRibs in your chest freezer was dwindling.
You were savoring the last McRibs from 2012.
And then there's one left, and they're just like,
"If the Dodgers lose the World Series, f*ck it.
I'm going to go eat the last McRib. I don't give a f*ck."
And then they win, and the Lakers win,
and then you hear the McRibs coming back.
And then politically, you're a fan of--
You were rooting for both Joe Biden and Mitch McConnell to win their races.
Wait, okay, hold on.
Aaron texted me earlier that he didn't know what would happen with the election.
He's been avoiding all news.
I went camping Monday and Tuesday night,
and then through that I was like,
"You know what? I should see how long I can go without knowing."
Oh, so you still don't know what's going on?
Yeah, I just took off my headphones when you started saying something.
Oh, okay.
And then Aaron was like, "No spoilers."
No spoilers, yeah.
Okay, cool.
I haven't seen the end of this.
Did you know the McRib was back?
I did not know the McRib was back, but--
Okay, well, sorry you're trying to avoid that information as well.
[laughter]
I'm trying to make the ultimate ass-[bleep] no spoilers situation
where everyone has to be on eggshells around me.
[laughter]
Yeah, it's just like--
That's kind of tight.
Just like, "Oh, I haven't seen it!"
It's just like mid-January.
Aaron still doesn't know.
[laughter]
Aaron's currently driving cross-country to go to the inauguration.
He doesn't want to know until the president steps out on the stage.
Yeah, I need the reveal.
That's what it's all about.
[laughter]
Just like, you can't listen to any live radio as you drive cross-country.
You walk into a truck stop, they got a TV on,
you're just like, "Um, will you please get a large Dr. Pepper?"
[laughter]
That's how I've been checking my emails, is with a hand over the text,
and then I see who's emailed me.
I mean, it's almost impossible.
But seriously, how long are you trying to keep this going?
I mean, as long as I can, but I think realistically,
I go back to work on Monday, I think someone's going to say something,
or something will have happened by then, or I don't know what's going on.
But I assume, just logically, I don't think anything could have happened yet.
But no spoilers.
I think Monday is when it's going to break for me, probably.
But I'd like it to go longer.
Inauguration would be great.
I'd be so impressed if you make it to Inauguration.
All right, well, how are we closing this EP out?
Actually, I kind of knew those three songs.
I hadn't heard the finished version of all of them.
I don't think I know what track four is on "Bruise."
I think Mark actually changed drastically because of Ezra, your--
Oh yeah, you had a chord change.
You just said to change basically one of the chords to the four or something?
Yeah.
And then--
You took it to an even different place.
Yeah, Jake was like, hey, can you do that?
And I was like, oh, I'm allowed to change the chords?
Absolutely.
And then we totally changed the chords to the song.
That's a great story of creative teamwork.
Jake writes a great song.
I had a slight feeling that changing--
I think I was like, maybe you should go to the four there, or something like that.
And Jake was like, well, let me ask Aaron.
And then you took the note to change something,
but you did something even more interesting, actually, than what I suggested.
I think I did incorporate the four.
But yeah.
And then I think you added a--
I added something more sophisticated.
Yeah, I put in the dominant seven, and then I went to--
it ends on the minor four, I think.
You went like--
Minor five.
You went like old Kokomo on those choruses.
Yeah.
This is a genre that is near and dear to my heart, the cowboy island genre.
And I've always wanted an excuse to really tap into it.
So I got to throw in those Beach Boys-y type harmonies and stuff.
By the way, now that it's out, I'm going to give this to Jimmy Buffett.
Oh, please.
I think I told you guys that I met him once in a very casual setting.
I don't think I made a big impact on him, but whatever.
I also feel like Jimmy Buffett probably gets everybody throwing,
oh, Jimmy, my cousin just made an album.
Would you give it a listen, whatever?
I'm sure just to actually get one song that's about margaritas,
I'm sure he's like, all right, I got time for that.
I've noticed when I look at his set list that, of course,
he plays all the classics, but he does a lot of covers, too.
I feel like Jimmy Buffett, he might drop a Kokomo here or there,
or he likes topical songs.
He might do a country tune or something.
I don't think this is asking too much to say, Mr. Buffett,
there's a new margarita song out.
And by the way, it's taking kind of an interesting slant
on the margarita genre.
It's actually about the worst margarita.
I just see him being like, oh, finally,
something I'm actually interested in listening to.
I would hope so.
But anyway, that's my project for the week.
And my deep down hope is that he might be like, hell yeah,
I'll bust that out next summer.
That would be great.
Let's get it across his desk.
And if it's not in Buffett,
we're going to take it to the actual country guys.
But anyway.
Yeah.
Yeah, Luke Bryant.
Before we move on, I'm thinking so much about this.
Do you think it's more of a marketing question,
but do you think if the Dodgers were to rebrand their do
Garita and just call it the worst margarita of your life
and they were to sell shirts that say the worst margarita
of my life, would you buy it?
I feel like you'd buy it.
You'd want to try the margarita.
Nick.
Sorry, I got to jump in.
Do not give this to the Dodgers.
This should be the house margarita at Cal Berger.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
No, I think we're talking about.
We're starting a burger place called Cal Berger.
But I feel like.
Don't you guys already start Punisher Burger?
We already have another burger place.
This is our second burger chain.
I'm a recent TC head during quarantine, by the way.
So, also great job.
You've been working through the old school.
I have.
Great job, everyone.
Love the show.
Oh, thank you.
I started at the Two Fridge Vibe, and now I'm like, I think I just listened to the Live
in Chicago one.
So, I'm like, I'm getting near 100.
Oh, wow.
Oh, sick.
Yeah.
Great job, guys.
Oh, appreciate it.
But I like the idea that Cal Berger, obviously, a little kitschy, it's a little fun.
Cal Berger, we don't take ourselves so seriously.
But I like the idea that on the menu up there for beverages, you got your sodas, bottle
of water, 4.75, Modelo's, whatever.
And then it just says, "The worst margarita of your life."
And you then buy shirts that say, "I drank the worst margarita of my life at Cal Berger."
I just feel like they're saying about the max of even the negative that I think would
sell really well.
"I drank the worst margarita of my life on the back at Cal Berger."
You can fold this fully into the TC universe and just sell merch to restaurant goers.
That was the whole concept, I believe.
I think you pitched it as a supreme idea.
But you go to a restaurant and all you do is order clothes.
The merch.
Yeah, you just order merch.
Oh, you just order the waiter.
Okay.
All right.
Well, Aaron's kind of a TC scholar at this point.
I don't even remember that bit.
A little bit.
At any given moment, we need somebody in the extended TC family who's revisiting.
You know a hilarious thing about time crisis now?
What episode is this?
Seinfeld?
Can we get a number crunch?
Is this 139 or 140?
135.
Damn, Seinfeld.
Okay, which is 135.
The only important number crunch.
You know what, Matt?
I don't know if you're right about that.
Okay, recount.
Stop the count.
Well, anyway, if this is 135, 140, it doesn't matter.
A hilarious thing about time crisis is we now have hundreds of hours of content.
When you become a TC head, you now have access to hundreds of hours of content.
Very true.
When we get to episode 5,000, we will have hit the famous 10,000 hours.
We'll become true masters of our field.
But Seinfeld, why don't we get Kraken on the merch?
Because finding a meat distributor, that's something we could also talk about with the Lopezes.
But finding a meat distributor, deciding if we're going to go brick and mortar,
there's a lot of decisions to make as we get cow burger on the road.
But in the meantime, we might as well get Kraken on these "Worst Margarita in My Life" shirts.
And that also helped promote the Brews EP.
I just had a thought, Jake. We could do it very limited,
but we should do a little gift pack, Kit Kat Club type thing for the Brews EP.
Is there going to be a physical copy?
A physical release?
Yeah.
[Laughter]
No plans for a physical release at this point.
But you are going to spend $40 per package.
[Laughter]
You've got to do a physical release. By the way, the art is great.
The cover of the EP was a photograph I took of a dumpster off the I-5 in the Central Valley.
But the design was done by huge TC head Teddy Blanks,
who did the title and design work for Hannah's movie "Long Dumb Road" and for the new "T-Tech" series.
So it all ties into a nice little bow there.
Well done, Teddy. I love it.
Yeah, he crushed it.
Can I just chime in with a quick TC correction?
Earlier in the show, I claimed that this was episode 139 or 140.
I did a quick number crunch, and Matt was correct.
This is episode 135, and I just didn't want that to hang out there.
Thank you.
Okay. We currently have produced 270 hours of content.
Wow.
Okay, well, I think at some point, there's got to be vinyl of this.
Yeah, at some point, we'll do some sort of Mountain Brews vinyl.
Yeah, maybe we'll combine a couple of EPs.
I mean, a tape.
Oh, yeah.
It would be more 80s, I guess, more of the time.
The square album cover and then the track list on the front.
Oh, yeah. Yes.
Whenever there's a physical release, I think the Crisis crew has got to put together a little gift box,
and we should send it out to a few influencers.
How disappointing would a giant oversized shoe box with a tiny tape in it be?
Well, there'll be some other sh*t.
We'll throw in a fancy Mard Mix.
We'll throw in a t-shirt.
Yeah.
A letter.
Oh, you'd go with a fancy Mard Mix.
You wouldn't go with just a really terrible Shirt and Breeds.
Just a Mountain Dew.
Oh, yeah.
You get a flat Mountain Dew.
All right. We're going to have fun with it.
And just a bottom shelf tequila airplane bottle.
In a few months, we'll be sending that out.
Kylie Jenner just like, "Thank you, Mountain Brews."
On her Instagram story.
All right.
Oh, my God.
I'm on the edge of my seat here because I actually don't know what track four is.
It's called Big Bummer Hotel.
Yeah, this is sad.
[laughter]
Yeah, to me this is like, it's like an Alexander Payne movie or something.
[laughter]
John Dixon really goes off on the end here on the guitar.
I think this is my favorite Mountain Dew song.
Wow, that's cool.
I also never noticed that after the part where you say you're going to,
or the narrator says they're going to go up to the roof and tempt some sort of fate,
that you do say,
"How far I fell."
Yeah, "How far I fell," exactly.
I never put that together until right now.
I've listened to that song hundreds of times.
[laughter]
Jake, does the narrator actually kill themselves at the Big Bummer Hotel?
No, I mean, I don't think it's quite that dark.
It also struck me, it's maybe only like a two story or three story.
I don't even know--it's sort of he's breaking his legs, it's that.
Do you know what I mean?
I mean, I also--my original read on going up to the roof to tempt some sort of fate,
for some reason, was that there was a bar on the roof,
and you're thinking about cheating or something.
Like you're going to go sit at the bar, and like--I don't know.
It just seemed darker in a way.
I don't know.
I feel like the Big Bummer Hotel does not have a roof bar.
[laughter]
Again, it's probably a Marriott or a Radisson or something.
He's up there with all the HVAC equipment and like--
[laughter]
It's definitely like an airport hotel,
and it's definitely like a Neil LaBute movie or like an Alexander Payne movie or something.
And one thought that I had when I was thinking about it is--
I don't know if it's the last season, maybe second to last,
but deep into The Sopranos, there's that very trippy episode--
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, don't--I'm just kidding.
[laughter]
I'm just--don't spoil it, guys.
And this is before Kanye was elected president, but--oh, [bleep] sorry.
[laughter]
Basically, there's an episode of The Sopranos where Tony's in a coma,
and then you kind of go into his like interior world,
and he has this kind of bizarre dream where he's a slightly different person
on a business trip at a weird hotel.
Do you remember that one, Jake?
I don't remember that one.
I only saw The Sopranos once, like, years ago.
I forgot about that, but you just jogged my memory.
I remember that distinctly.
It's a very trippy episode.
He's not exactly Tony Soprano.
His accent's kind of different, and he's like on this weird business trip.
Yeah, I think there's just something about like the business trip at the Big Bummer hotel.
It's a very specific form of--type of sad.
That movie Anomalisa 2, Charlie Kaufman movie, ever see that one?
I was just about to say that.
No.
It's like Claymation with puppets, but it's also--you'd like that one, Jake.
It's involving the business trip.
Yeah, there's something so sad about the business trip at the Big Bummer hotel,
partially because like traveling's supposed to be interesting or something.
It's like--well, and I guess in this case, the meeting did not go well.
Done by 2 o'clock.
Damn.
I guess it's truly just like--it's pointlessness,
just like somebody being like, "Why the f--- did I come here?
Didn't work out. Now I'm somewhere I don't want to be.
Didn't even get the W." Dark.
But great EP, man.
I think this is a very exciting addition to the catalog.
I mean, maybe Pound for Pound, the best EP.
I got a lot of favorite songs on the other ones, but Front to Back?
I think that's how the fans are going to feel.
Early reviews are in, folks.
You heard it first.
Front to Back.
Has Mountain Brew's EP ever been professionally reviewed?
No.
If this is the one that got reviewed, that would be somehow amazing.
But I mean, that kind of makes sense.
Like, new band, starting to make some noise,
people kind of paying attention,
but then by the time the third one comes out, gets an official review.
I'll actually say this.
I would imagine there's probably some TC head listening
who maybe writes for their college paper or something.
Why don't you go ahead and write a little five-star review of Mountain Brew's?
[laughter]
In a way, this kind of reminds me of The Weeknd, how he came out.
Didn't he have those three kind of mixtape sort of EP albums?
Then he got signed, then he combined them all into like a--
Into an album called Trilogy?
Trilogy, that's right.
Yeah, this feels a little bit like that model.
Well, let's get that TC bump going, man.
Let's get the media behind this EP.
Let's get Fork 10.
Let's get Luke Bryan recording.
They gave American Beauty 10 just last week or something,
which was like, "What?"
Yeah, 50 years too late.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, actually, the 50th anniversary of American Beauty was last Sunday, right?
Yeah.
Actually, Jake, you and I were texting about something random that day,
and it dawned on me that it was the 50th anniversary.
I was like almost texting you, like, "By the way, dude,
you know today's the 50th of American Beauty?"
But then I was kind of like, "Oh."
I would have been like, "Cool, man."
All right, man.
Love that record.
I threw it on that day.
Did you throw it on that day, fellas?
I did.
Aaron did.
Jake, you didn't?
You didn't throw it on in the 50th?
Didn't throw it on in the 50th.
Definitely my favorite dead record.
Love the record.
Didn't throw it on in the 50th.
Damn.
♪ Sugar mango yolk, blossoms blooming ♪
♪ That's all they're doing, I don't care ♪
♪ So my baby down by the river ♪
♪ Who she had to come out to forget ♪
♪ Sweet blossom come on, under the willow ♪
♪ We can have high times if you look back ♪
♪ We can discover the wonders of nature ♪
♪ Rolling in the brushes down by the river side ♪
♪ She's got everything we'd like for ♪
♪ She's got everything I need ♪
♪ Takes the wheel when I see in double ♪
♪ Pays my ticket when I speed ♪
Next, the Bruise release is tentatively titled
"Down to the Studs."
That's perfect.
It does potentially feature a very literal sequel
to the song "Mountain Bruise."
That's true.
"Mountain Bruise 2?"
It should be called that, I guess.
We'll see.
Yeah, we'll see what happens.
"Down to the Studs."
Looking forward to it.
So now we have a special guest, or two,
but right now we have one.
Jake, you want to set this one up?
So, special guest now is my wife.
I didn't do a Borat in there, just...
You can't.
My wife, Hannah Fidel.
Not Fiddle, not Fidel, Fidel.
Fidel.
Hopefully we're going to get a call in from Nick Robinson,
who's an actor who co-starred in her new show
called "A Teacher," which is coming out on Tuesday,
November 10th.
Congratulations, Hannah, by the way, on the show.
Welcome to the show.
Oh, thank you.
I'm very excited to go to the virtual premiere.
Yep, that'll be fun.
I'm actually more excited to talk Oreos.
So this came across our desk the past few weeks.
I first saw it on Instagram.
It just seemed kind of like a funny post.
What I saw was a kind of silver-wrapped,
dystopian-looking Oreo packaging,
and then some text basically being like,
you know, "We're creating, like, a doomsday Oreo vault."
And I was kind of like, "Oh, okay."
It's just kind of like a joke.
Like, you know, you hear about the global seed vault in Norway,
and there's various things like that where,
in some apocalyptic scenarios,
something that could be very important to humanity,
such as, like, copies of, like, important seeds
for some of our major life-sustaining crops
could be found, you know, in an isolated place.
So I figured Oreo was kind of just doing, like,
a joke about, like, don't worry if, like,
the world goes to sh--,
we get hit by an asteroid, climate change ruins,
you know, parts of the world.
We're always going to have some Oreos locked up.
And I figured they were maybe just going to send out
promotionally these, like, special packages of Oreos,
like, they're kind of futuristic, dystopian ones.
But I guess I don't really know what to make of this.
I guess Nabisco has actually built an asteroid-proof vault
in the permafrost of Norway to keep the iconic cookie
and its recipe safe.
Is it real? I guess they put out a video.
Did any--?
- Yeah, I watched that. - I didn't actually see the video.
What happened in the video?
I mean, it's very nice production value.
There's these, like, this guy that designed--
Okay, it's unclear whether he's an actor
or what the hell's going on,
but there's a guy that supposedly designed
the seed vault, also in the permafrost in Norway.
That guy was hired by Nabisco to create the Oreo vault.
I mean, there was definitely some dry humor.
He was like, "It's very important for humanity
to save Oreos," and--
'Cause apparently they, like, gave him only, like,
a few weeks lead time, because--
And I didn't know if this was true.
They said in this video that there was supposed to be
an asteroid crossing the Earth on November 3rd,
which happened to be Election Day,
that had, like, a small chance of entering the atmosphere
and, like, really wreaking havoc.
And I hadn't heard anything about that.
And I love that I heard about a potential asteroid collision
through Oreo.
[laughter]
I didn't know if that was complete BS,
or what was, you know--
That seems to be true.
Okay.
That NASA had predicted that there'd be this tiny asteroid
that could possibly hit Earth on November 3rd.
So Oreo was hip to that.
They had their eye on the ball in terms of the long game.
Forget about electoral politics.
They're thinking about long-term survival of the species
and of their IP.
So they had this guy make this bunker,
and it was completed by November 3rd,
and they put Oreos in the Oreo recipe,
as well as powdered milk in the bunker.
I looked in the comments of the YouTube video,
and I saw people saying that the guy playing the bunker designer
was a famous Norwegian actor.
But I think they actually did build this--
So the video is sort of, like, a fun thing on YouTube,
but I think they actually did build a bunker.
I mean, it says that they provided the coordinates of the vault,
and it's near the Svalbard Seed Vault.
I mean, it's possible that they just, like, poured some concrete
and just, like, had it sticking out of the Earth
and just put the Oreo logo on there,
and just put a fake door in there, and there's no actual vault.
I mean, clearly, this is all just to get a little press, so--
It's working.
It worked for me.
Yeah?
I ordered Oreos on Instacart after Jake showed me that video over dinner tonight.
Really? Just regular Oreos?
I wanted double stuff, but I got regular.
My question is, did Nabisco go, like, hog wild
and put all of their food in this vault, or is it just Oreos?
That's a good point, because if you're going to go to the trouble of making the vault,
you might as well put in all of the Nabisco.
I think that-- Is Nabisco affiliated with Frito-Lay?
They make in-sync dishes?
I forget. Anyway, there's a huge product line that they could store in this vault.
Can I just point something out that I read this week?
Nabisco's marvelous.
Just about double stuff.
You know how it's spelled weird? It's double S-T-U-F?
Yes.
That is because it isn't actually 200% of the stuff.
It's a little bit less than double.
So they couldn't spell it--
Why didn't they spell double then differently?
I think maybe it was a little catchier or weirder for them to spell it S-T-U-F,
but that's a legal loophole from false advertising,
from saying that it's actually twice the amount of stuff.
I love that idea.
It's 1.86 times.
I feel like--
But technically it's stuffed.
[laughter]
It's technically, by definition, stuffed.
The double part that it's not technically double.
Yeah, they should have spelled it D-U-B-B-L.
But then you'd know something was up.
I can imagine that the Dom Draper character is just like
poring over all the different ways to spell it,
and you're spelling double differently.
It's like, "That's too weird to spell double wrong."
And he's like, "But you know what?
If you take off the F of stuff, most people don't even notice."
And then you could imagine in the lawsuit,
somebody's like, "It clearly says double."
And then they're like, "But you don't even know what stuff is."
That's what I'm saying.
That's what it is.
And then, yeah, just like somewhere they produced a legal document
that's like, "What stuff is is 0.93% of a regular Oreo's stuffing."
That extra 0.07 we refer to as stuff,
but the first 93% is called stuff.
So we double the stuff, and we discard the stuff.
I think it's a good question, too.
Like, they're making such a big deal out of this.
Maybe they did have to make a little something,
but I wonder were they just like, basically just pour a shallow concrete bed,
throw a little door on it, do the whole thing for like $900, call it a day.
You could almost make the case that this is in bad taste
when you consider that I was reading a book that was referencing
this fall bar seed vault not that long ago,
and they're talking about how like f***** up it is
and that climate change is even making the permafrost way up there
start to like thaw a little bit.
And like the whole point of that was like it's going to be safe for a very long time.
So it's kind of like, all right, now you've got to do your little joke up there.
What if that starts to attract some bad actors up to, you know, northern Norway,
and next thing you know, they're breaking into this fall bar seed vault
and horsing around all because of your little, you know, prank.
Or it turns into like Top of Everest where there's just littered with trash
and like frozen dead bodies and like crampons.
And then there's just like the KFC vault.
Right.
The Lama John Silvers vault.
Which is like a sh*tty mall.
All those do-garitos left behind.
Yeah.
Red Lobster.
Yeah, the Red Lobster vault.
I wonder if this is going to get enough attention that like somebody's going to actually trek up there.
I don't know if people care enough.
I'm sure that's what Ori is hoping for.
Someone will.
It'll be on Instagram.
Yeah, it'll-- anyway.
I think Nick's here.
Now, let's go to the Time Crisis Hotline.
Hey, guys.
Oh, hey, what's up?
Hey, what's up?
Welcome to Time Crisis.
Yo, thanks for having me.
Nick Robinson, star of A Teacher, written and directed by Hannah Fiedel.
Oh, yes.
Out this week.
So you're on set of something else now?
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't f*cking matter.
It's not A Teacher.
All right.
Damn.
That's what I'm talking about.
Respect that type of loyalty.
That's what-- yeah, come on.
I am on set.
I'm in between setups right now, as we say in the industry.
They're in between scenes.
And, yeah, sitting in a really lovely trailer right now.
Like an 8 foot by 8 foot Holiday Inn, basically.
But, Nick, do they have a massage chair in your trailer?
See, they do not.
And that's why I'm not trying to talk about this show.
I'm trying to talk about A Teacher.
Because on A Teacher, I had a massage chair in my trailer.
So--
Wow.
I'm not even trying to talk, unless we're trying to--
All right, well, yeah.
Let's talk about massage chairs.
I'm so glad that the people working on whatever thing you're on right now
understand not to come knocking on the trailer,
because you're doing press right now.
Exactly.
I haven't told anybody that yet.
But if they do, I'll do it.
You know, they'll be hearing from me.
Are you f***ing serious?
I'm on time crisis right now.
Get the f*** out of here.
We are done professionally.
Done.
Well, Jake, maybe you should ask some questions,
because I know the basic premise of A Teacher.
But until I go to the virtual premiere next week,
I've seen little outside of the trailer.
And any TC heads might remember that I think we did an episode
where Jake was up in Canada on set, right?
Yeah, I was up in Calgary last September for quite a while.
That was the Bon Iver episode.
Missed that.
But I did call in.
Oh, yeah.
But you did go to Tim Hortons.
That's right.
I did go to Tim Hortons.
And there was, on the set of A Teacher,
I remember it was like 3 in the morning.
And they had like a lunch break or a coffee break.
And then there were multiple cartons of coffee available.
And the options were Starbucks or Tim Hortons.
Nick, a little background.
We've talked Tim Hortons extensively on the program.
Timmies.
So, Nick, when you were doing A Teacher,
would you go Tim Hortons or Starbucks?
Hard-hitting question.
Look, I'm glad you're getting right down to the meat and potatoes here
of what this show's all about.
Hot take, Tim Hortons sucks.
I'm sorry to all of our Canadian listeners.
I'm sorry to anyone I'm offending right now.
Don't cancel me, but Tim Hortons is not good.
You're not using Canadian on right now, on the Sine Pub 2000.
Yeah.
No, I mean, it's a hate crime.
Also, as a Seattleite, my loyalty is to Starbucks.
Not that it's that much better.
So you're from -- you were born and raised in Seattle?
Yes.
So that global international corporate chain has a special place in my heart.
Do you feel the same way about Costco?
I actually feel stronger about Costco than I do about Starbucks.
Thank you for bringing that up, because I unabashedly love Costco.
You and my dad.
Yeah.
I also -- I mean, I grew up in a big family,
so we would go to Costco all the time when I was growing up.
So it has, like, a nostalgia factor as well,
and they just have great deals, period.
Like, it's a good place to buy a lot of things.
Buy it in bulk.
How much are they paying you right now?
This is a free advertisement for Costco, which in some ways is a lot sadder.
I'm getting $0 for this plug.
Is there a -- kind of how, like, there's a first Starbucks in Seattle.
Is there a first Costco that you can --
You know, that's a good question.
I don't actually know the answer to that.
Although my grandmother was one of the first employees of Costco,
and I think it was -- the first one was in Kirkland, if I'm not mistaken,
hence their signature brand, Kirkland Signature.
Wait, so Kirkland's a town in greater Seattle?
It's, like, a suburb, and I believe that's where it started.
Wow, that's got to be a real source of pride for Kirkland people,
just to know that there's millions of Americans walking around with the name
of their town on their jeans, their shirts, their sneakers.
Their vodka.
Water bottles.
Big thing of peanuts.
Yeah.
Everybody's walking around not understanding that they're representing
a little town in the Seattle area.
Well, I'm glad I could put this issue to rest officially on Time Crisis.
Kirkland rocks.
Kirkland Signature is great.
And, you know, the vodka is just a hot tip for anybody.
It's Grey Goose.
It's just branded differently and substantially cheaper.
Really?
Yeah.
I think that's, like, a TC drop right there.
That's crazy.
We really went off on a tangent, though.
I didn't mean to sideline our interview into Kirkland Signature.
Honestly, this is--
This is not a tangent.
This is Time Crisis.
Okay.
[Laughter]
You quickly ground your lane.
It takes other people a much longer time.
[Laughter]
I'm just going to ask you a question.
What did your grandmother do for Costco?
Dude, that is a great question, and I actually don't know the answer to it.
I think I remember some story about her being one of the first voices for Costco
in their commercials, and I think she also worked in their corporate office.
But I don't know.
I'll have to get back to you on that.
Maybe we should have a follow-up episode where we can bring my grandma in
to talk about her experience.
We could love that.
Nick's eyes just lit up.
[Laughter]
I also got to say that just when you guys were talking about first Costco,
that sounds like the title of a movie.
I would say that sounds like the title of an Oscar-winning movie.
[Laughter]
He worked for Burger Big Buster.
First Costco.
Yeah.
I mean, [bleep] Hannah.
Right at all-star in it.
Up-down.
We could tell the origin story of Costco and my grandmother.
People love stories like that too, about where it's kind of like,
so this project's very personal to you, and it's like, well, yeah, actually,
my grandma worked at the first Costco.
I think the Academy would love that, personally.
Oh, my God, yeah.
They would eat that up.
They tell each other jokes that they both know that they both know.
They talk about real estate and prostates and Costco.
When they finish up, they leave a 20 on the table.
The waitress picks it up with a half-eaten bagel.
When her shift is over, she goes back to any older, sits on the couch,
opens up her diet cola and says, "I'm so, I'm so sick of this place.
I'm so ready for a change of pace.
I'm just looking for a new routine."
Let's talk about the show a little bit.
Let's do it.
So, just for the listeners, so, Hattie, this is based on a movie that you made.
How long ago?
The movie premiered in 2013, and, yeah, I've been working on this show since.
So, here we are.
You've worked on it every day.
Yep.
And the basic premise is that a teacher.
Yes, female teacher.
Who's the A teacher of the title.
Yes.
Who's played by Rooney Mara.
Nope.
Kate Mara.
Nope, yep, strike one.
Okay, but Rooney Mara and Kate Mara are sisters.
Yes, they are sisters.
Kate is the elder of the Mara sisters, and she plays a teacher who has an affair with one of her students, played by Nick.
Hey-o.
This is high school, just to be clear.
Yeah.
He's a senior in high school.
He's 17 when the affair starts.
He turns 18.
And it's a mess, folks.
And the show explores how they hook up.
I'll just jump in here.
Yeah, yeah.
You see the origins of the affair.
It burns bright and hot for a little bit, and it burns out and explodes like a supernova very tragically and dramatically.
And then you see the fallout as the characters go their separate ways over the series, and you see their lives unfold over months and years even.
And how this affair affected their life long term.
It's a great show.
I'll sign off on it.
Thank you.
I've seen it like 80 times.
And kind of ripped from the headlines, right?
Were you inspired by a specific story, or there's just like -- there seems to be like infinite stories about teacher/student?
Yeah, I think just culturally, our society is sort of obsessed with this narrative.
And you see the sort of titillating hot teacher fantasy.
I mean, you see it in -- also, look at that music video, "Hot for Teacher."
But also in porn, and if you -- there's just so much clickbait on the internet for like the hottest teachers who slept with their students.
But it wasn't based on any particular incident.
It was really sort of an amalgamation of a bunch of stories.
But at the same time, I was really curious about who these -- looking at these mugshots of women who were in their 20s and 30s and seemingly looking normal.
You know, it's sort of -- it's not the traditional idea that I think a lot of people have of what a predator is.
So, you know, these women aren't like the man in the van who pass out candy to kids to lure them.
The show is about the complicated nature of consent.
Specifically, and why I chose to have Eric, who Nick plays, be like one of those kids that we all knew in high school who looks 25, but who's actually 17.
Well, yeah. I also was 24 when we shot it, but we'll put that aside.
Yeah, but I mean, the reason why that worked is because we had to also age you up over the course of the show.
But, you know, we all went to school with those guys who like looked like men, even if their brains weren't fully developed.
So that sort of interesting gray zone was, you know, it was just -- I keep saying interesting to me, but it provided a lot of complexities to a clearly wrong story.
But it allowed for the audience to sort of really question, I hope, morally what's right or wrong.
And Nick, are you 25?
I'm 25 now. Yeah, I was 24 when we shot the show. And then I turned 25 in March.
But I also never thought that I would go back to high school yet again.
But I think Hannah's material was so compelling and the team she assembled was so strong that I sort of had no choice.
I was like, I guess I'm doing this again.
But it also was exploring a totally different side and a different take on sort of the -- it was set in high school, but that's not really what it's about.
And you see a lot of it -- of the story takes place post high school, post the relationship.
And there's just a lot of ground to cover. And I think the show has a lot to say.
And exploring relationships like this in a really nuanced way that I hadn't seen before.
So all of that was exciting to me.
Exciting enough that I broke my ultimatum that I would never do a high school script again.
My ultimatum that I made on Ellen, actually, on national television.
And then I went back on my word.
You told Ellen that?
Yeah, I did. I did.
But yeah, I mean, at any case, we did this show.
People should go see it. I think it's well crafted and has something to say and a new take on --
Well, it's really good.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
For your awesome performance.
Oh, thank you, Hannah.
My performance would have been nothing without your graceful directing.
It's all --
Little Hollywood ass kissing going down.
Yes. This is how the game is played, folks. This is how the game is played.
Do you think it's dropping one at a time?
No, it's the first -- on Tuesday it'll be the first three.
And then after that it'll be one a week.
But what's exciting about the first three is it sort of like just propels the story forward in a crucial way.
So it gets you right up.
Are you guys doing a lot of press besides "Time Crisis"?
Actually, this is a "Time Crisis" based -- like most of our press itinerary is based on "Time Crisis."
I'm glad to hear that. We're the cornerstone of the campaign.
Yeah.
This is a big interview for you, then.
Huge.
We need some kind of like bombshell to drop on "Time Crisis" so that, you know, then we'll get like the HuffPo repackaging and the local news websites.
Any pranks on set?
Pranks.
I think -- I mean, I sort of force Nick to like come out super late every night after we were done shooting.
And I force a lot of people to do that.
And do karaoke and let off steam.
There was a lot of late night karaoke on that job.
What was the name of that karaoke bar?
[Sigh]
Is that a good name?
I don't remember.
That's a good question.
Well, there were two.
I mean, there were two.
There was one we had the wrap party at and there was the one that we would go to a regular spot.
But then there was also kitchen karaoke.
Kitchen karaoke? I don't remember kitchen karaoke.
Oh, well, I guess you weren't --
Wait, which one was kitchen karaoke?
Kitchen karaoke was when we did --
Oh, oh, oh.
I thought you were --
Our kitchen --
Yes, when we did karaoke in the kitchen.
I thought that was the name of a bar.
There was also kitchen karaoke.
Yeah, I don't know to all of your listeners out there, Hannah has a handheld karaoke mic that she carries around with her at all times to just be ready.
Everyone.
Yeah.
Actually, yeah, we have some videos of Michael Costigan, our producer, Hannah, the cast of A Teacher Standing Around a Kitchen Island singing different songs.
"Grandie" by Lookingglass.
Oh, that's a great song.
Yeah.
It's actually one of my go-to karaoke songs.
Nick, I don't know if people know this about you, but you have a great voice.
I'm not saying this to get you to sing right now.
I'm just saying it as a statement.
A one, a two, a one.
[Laughter]
Thank you.
No, I mean, I -- yeah, I don't know.
I like to sing, I guess.
I've never really done it professionally, but --
Maybe you should.
Maybe.
You could do it semi-professionally.
Yeah.
What does that -- I don't know what a semi-pro means.
What's like the theater league for --
That's kind of what I'm at, like kind of cover band, you know, kind of hobby rock stuff.
Semi-pro.
Yeah, I can get into that.
That's a good vibe.
I've got a question for both of you guys to help this episode come full circle.
Have either of you ever had a McRib?
Yes, I am ashamed to say that I have.
We're not judging.
Are you aware that the McRib is back right now?
I'm not aware of that, although I am in Canada right now.
I don't know if the McRib is -- like is it a regional market thing or is it --
It's back nationally in the States.
That's a good question.
It might not be back in Canada.
But were you into it?
Was there a time in your life where you were a fan?
I really only have one memory of eating a McRib, and it was -- I was very drunk.
I, like, ordered it on Postmates or something, and I was living in a guest house.
Yeah.
So this couldn't have been that long ago, huh?
It was probably seven, eight years.
I was probably like 18 or 19.
Well, that's fact, actually, because the last time I was --
Oh, yeah, right.
-- was 2012.
Is that right?
Did they have Postmates in 2012?
Wow.
No.
Oh, no, you know what it was?
I lived very close to a McDonald's, and maybe I walked there.
But in any case, I was like 18 or 19, and I was eating a McRib.
And it was good in the moment, yeah.
I mean, I didn't know that it was -- it hasn't been around since 2012.
I didn't know that.
Not nationally.
Wow.
So it's kind of a big deal that it's back now.
Yeah.
Isn't it based on, like, pork prices or something?
Like, it only comes around when --
Oh, wow.
We're trying to get to the bottom of it.
There's various theories about when they choose to bring it back.
We don't have confirmation.
But, yeah, a lot of people think it has to do with pork prices.
But in that drunken moment when you got that one, was that your first,
or you're just thinking that because that's the last time you had one?
I think that may have been my first and last time I had a McRib.
And there's just something about ordering anything at McDonald's
that isn't, like, a Big Mac or -- I mean, I'm kind of weird.
I go for a filet of fish sometimes, which I know sounds gross,
but they're not bad.
I don't know, my dad used to order them.
Yeah, people love them.
Yeah.
No, but I think that's a good point.
And, you know, we're hard on McDonald's often,
but I'll give them a little credit.
I think part of the reason I've never had a McRib is not because I've hated
McDonald's my whole life or anything like that.
I think Nick just got the knock on the door.
Yeah, I'm doing some press.
I'm on time crisis right now.
Tell them.
Guys, I'm talking about the McRib.
We can't -- I did just get the knock.
They did say that they are ready for me.
How can we wrap this up gracefully?
We're going to spend the next hour of the program kind of dissecting your
McRib story for accuracy.
[Laughter]
Thank you so much.
Thank you for coming on the show.
Everybody, you've got to check out Nick's performance in "A Teacher."
Can't wait for it.
You've got to keep acting.
You've got to keep acting, literally right now.
You've got to keep the lights on, you know.
We hope you'll come back.
I would love to, yes.
Our time was brief, but it was nice.
And, yeah, please watch the show, Hannah's show.
She rocks.
Jake, thanks for having me.
Of course, man.
Yeah, good to have you.
Bye.
All right, have a good one.
Bye.
I think I realized this.
I wonder if this is true for you as well, Jake.
I think the reason I never had a McRib is not because I'm so inherently
grossed out by meat slurries, but because it's hard to picture a time where I
would walk into McDonald's hungry and not get some type of burger.
I think I'd only eat a McRib if I happened to--somebody got me one by accident
or something.
And it's not because--yeah, I'm not disgusted by it, but it's like,
McDonald's is good at making burgers.
I can't really picture the mood or the situation where I'd be in a McDonald's
and not want to get a cheeseburger, a Big Mac, something of that nature.
And I don't go to McDonald's that often.
Can I ask you something?
I think to your point, have you ever gone into a McDonald's and looked at the menu?
I guess I must have back in the day.
I know I had a period when I was a kid where I would often get a chicken fajita.
I don't even know if that's on the menu anymore.
[laughter]
Wow.
I was pretty into McDonald's chicken fajitas, but I think I might get that
as a kind of supplementary thing.
I might get a burger and a fajita.
This is the HuffPo drop right here.
Ezra Koenig says he would frequently get McDonald's fajitas.
I'm a fajita guy.
Guys, what Nick said about the filet-o-fish got me thinking.
Is that also a fish slurry that constitutes the fish patty?
Is that how that's made?
I don't think so.
It must be.
You don't think it's a slurry?
Oh, it's got to be a slurry.
It's not a filet-o-fish.
It's not?
That I know.
Oh, really?
I was just thinking that if it was a slurry, it would be so easy for them
to make a fish McNugget.
And I'm curious about why they've never done that.
Oh, yeah.
A fish nugget, like a fish and chips.
I feel like, I don't know.
Yeah, I mean, I feel like when I was a kid, I was eating fish sticks all the time.
When's the last time anybody had a fish stick?
What happened to fish sticks?
That's a good question.
Oh, no.
It's been like since the '90s.
My kid ate a fish stick a week ago.
Oh, really?
Yeah, and I think they make--
Don't freak out here, but did you check the expiration date on the box?
You think it was from 20 years ago?
Yeah, because they don't make fish sticks anymore.
OK, but you know what?
If it was frozen, that's-- yeah, I remember they used to be the Gordons Fishermen.
He was all up on the TV.
I think that still exists.
No, they just stopped making them.
Gordons Fishermen, he packed it in.
I think because the ocean's dying.
No more fish sticks.
It does feel like fish sticks kind of fell off a little bit.
But it's time.
So back to the filet-o-fish thing.
You're imagining that if it's not a slurry, then I'm picturing that they get the fish fresh.
And I think to call it a fish filet, that kind of implies that one of the McDonald's employees fileted that day.
And so somebody's got a really long knife in the back, just very gingerly fileting the fish,
removing the bones, because McDonald's, huge target for lawsuits.
They can't have somebody choking on a fish bone.
So that's actually one of the worst jobs at McDonald's, is being the person who actually filets the fish.
I bet they wish it was a slurry.
Do you know why?
I feel I had heard this before, but you know why McDonald's introduced the filet-o-fish?
There's something I remember from--
Oh yeah, we talked about that.
For Catholics, right?
Yep, on Fridays.
So now--
Yeah.
Oh, Hannah might not know this, but Catholics don't eat meat on Fridays, so it was introduced to help their margins.
Catholics used to not be able to eat meat on Fridays, and then the Pope changed that.
Why did he change that?
You know, there's various papal decrees.
It's like adding an amendment to the Constitution.
It's a living document, man.
There's various papal decrees, man.
Fixing a conference call with the head of Lopez Meats, the Pope, and the CEO of McDonald's, just trying to--
Guys, let's work this out.
Just trying to figure something out.
I do think it's important to say-- I'm sorry to interrupt, but to not disparage McDonald's.
It does appear that the filet-o-fish is 100% Alaska Pollock.
Yeah, I wasn't buying the-- I've never heard of "scround fish."
Well, clearly that's because you're not Jewish.
You're saying that the filet-o-fish is a solid piece of fish?
Because there's no way.
No, absolutely.
Even if it's one type of fish, couldn't they still create a slurry by blending it up?
And Jake, I imagine, you know, Hannah's of a Jewish background.
Hannah, have you ever taken Jake to some family event where they had gefilte fish?
Mm, no.
Hannah's allergic to fish.
I am actually the worst.
Oh, really?
And I'm allergic to fish and allergic to chickpeas, so I can't have falafel.
Wow.
But I can have shellfish.
Oh, you're not allergic to shellfish?
No, very weird.
What's gefilte fish?
It's disgusting.
Gefilte fish—
I like it.
I like it, too.
It's a type of slurry.
Gefilte fish is made by mixing up a bunch of fishes, like, and also some type of—I think it's held together by some type of, like, flour or something.
But, yeah, it's got some sort of emulsifier, but gefilte fish is not just a piece of naturally occurring fish.
What does "gefilte" mean?
That's a great question, because I don't even know.
I mean, this is what Wikipedia says.
It's probably "yiddish slurry."
Oh, yeah, it's yiddish slurry.
That's great.
Slurry fish.
It's a dish made from a poached mixture of ground deboned fish, such as carp, whitefish, or pike.
I mean, but when you get, like, you know, the store-bought gefilte fish, it's definitely, like, ready to serve.
I'm going to add something, because fish is so flaky and light, it's hard to picture grinding it.
Like, because pork and beef, there's enough fat in it where you can, like—if you grind it, it maintains its shape, and it's like—it has, like, real sustenance and,
like, heft.
Fish, I just feel like it would really just kind of crumble and just sort of, like, just blow away in the wind.
I just Googled "fish slurry," and there's a video that comes up that somebody who's making fish slurry for penguins—maybe they work at a zoo or something like that.
And now I'm reading about a fish processing plant in northern France that fillets whole fish, then processes the remaining parts for pet food and frozen blocks for
shark attractants.
And I'm looking at a pretty gnarly picture of what appears to be a big vat of fish slurry.
So I'm getting the impression that fish slurry is not for humans.
This show is ending on a really cool note.
I looked up "How is a Filet-O-Fish Made, Ezra?"
Yeah.
And the first thing that comes up is "Friend of the Show, Mero."
Yeah.
Mero going, "The Filet-O-Fish is a disastrous cancer square created by..." There's something like that.
So he has very strong opinions on the Filet-O-Fish.
All right. Well, we're about due for Mero back on the show. Let's get him on.
Yeah, he might be able to do some research for us to find out how.
Because I agree with Aaron. I don't see how this is—this is not one fish per square.
I've eaten a fast food fish patty before. I think it was Jack in the Box.
And it seemed exactly like what the chicken thing is, but of fish flavor.
I can't imagine that that was a piece of fish.
I would love to see how it's made.
Well, I guess this kind of turned into just a whole McDonald's episode.
Kind of digging into some of the B-team of the McDonald's menu.
I guess the big question is, will McDonald's start having fake meat?
Because I had a—election night, I had an Impossible Fat Burger.
You know, just like something fun on kind of like an intense night.
How was it?
I thought it was great. I couldn't give a f*** that it was impossible meat.
I think, especially with like some of these fast food things, where it's, you know,
you're so overwhelmed by all like the chopped onions and the pickles, ketchup and all that stuff in the pickles.
It couldn't matter less that that thin little patty is impossible.
Maybe by the time you get to a Big Mac where there's multiple patties,
you might start to notice the difference.
But if you're just talking about a little hamburger, if it was fake meat,
I think you could throw that in front of me and I wouldn't even be able to tell.
Oh yeah, I mean, those patties are like an eighth of a pound or something.
Like they're miniscule. I hope they jump on that train.
Burger King's doing it.
Exactly. No reason not to.
Oh, Burger King's doing it?
Well, maybe at this point McDonald's is like, "F*** it, we're going to be the last holdout."
And soon McDonald's can start to be like the only American restaurant that serves actual meat across the board.
I mean, they have vegetarian options, just—
Okay, I don't know what we're talking about anymore. This is just—
Anybody else got anything they want to say?
This was a big week for the Longstreth-Fidel household.
We got a new Mountain Roose, and we got a teacher on November 10th on FX/Hulu.
So that's, you know, we're doing a straight-up household promo.
I'm abusing my media platform for my own personal and my wife's projects.
And I feel great about it.
I do want to say one thing about McDonald's.
Oh, Jesus.
I've been going to McDonald's once a week.
It is my—I, as you guys know, I'm pregnant.
Oh.
It is my—
Does that count as like a big TC kind of premiere?
I don't think the TC crowd knows that. They know it now.
True. They know it now.
Boom.
And that is my number one pregnancy craving, is McFlurry.
Oreo?
No, M&M. Always M&M.
Whoa!
Yep.
And I was wondering if you guys could do something,
which is, Ezra, you gave us a very nice gift of little headphones to put on my stomach for the baby.
Yes, to listen to music.
Listen to music.
Can you guys do like a TC pregnancy playlist?
Okay.
Wait, to be played for a kid that's in utero?
In utero.
Yeah, like music that they should—
Well, actually, this really—
Like, kind vibe.
This really ties in because Aaron does a DJ set at Town Peepa.
True.
This is true.
For children.
I do.
Indeed, I DJ for children, for babies and toddlers.
It's called Baby Disco.
And I did just make an anti-stress version for cool-down time for babies.
So maybe that's the thing for you.
Wow.
There we go.
All right.
Would love to get a link to that playlist.
That's a great idea.
And I love that we went from aimlessly talking about filet of fishes and random McDonald's menu things
to a huge bombshell for the TC community.
We've talked about this off the air, but a hearty congratulations from the whole TC community.
And I'm sure we'll be having plenty to talk about in the future, Jake and Hannah.
Yeah, let's think about it.
If any TC heads who are parents and have memories of playing some tunes—
I have a few memories in our household of things that got the baby kicking.
One of which is a very Jake tune, "Rubin and Cherise."
I do kind of have a distinct memory of us listening to that in the house.
Well, that's a perfect—that's a beautiful way to end the show.
Yeah, any TC heads who got any in utero recommendations.
And we got to throw on at least a couple tracks from the album in utero.
Of course.
For the child of a major Nirvana fan, Jake Longstrap.
Well, great, guys.
We'll see you in two weeks.
Peace.
Time Crisis with Ezra Koenig.
(electronic music)
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