Episode 164: The Four Quadrants of TC
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Transcript
- Time Crisis 2022.
In this episode, we talk about everything
from Indianapolis Italian food to gremlins.
We listen to a lot of great music
and cover some of our favorite topics.
We're ready to start 2022 off right in the TCU
and we hope you are too.
Welcome to the first TC of the year.
This is Time Crisis with Ezra Koenig.
♪ They passed me by ♪
♪ All of those great romances ♪
♪ They were a pal to a believer ♪
♪ All my rightful chances ♪
♪ My picture clear ♪
♪ Everything seemed so easy ♪
♪ And so I dealt to the blow ♪
♪ One of us had to go ♪
♪ Now it's different ♪
♪ I want you to know ♪
♪ One of us is crying ♪
♪ One of us is lying ♪
♪ He can only be ♪
- Time Crisis back again.
First step of the new year, 22.
Jake, how's it going?
How's 22 treating you so far?
♪ 2022 ♪
♪ I took a big poo ♪
- Nasty.
- For some reason with that song,
I always go to straight toilet humor.
- That's usually the easiest place to go with most things.
- Yeah.
♪ 2023 I had to take a pee ♪
Just dumb, awful.
Like truly like a fourth grader or a four-year-old.
- That's for Jake's side project, Nasty Jake.
- I do toilet humor, weird owl versions
of Vampire Weekend songs.
- Mountain poos.
(laughing)
Just like.
- Mountain poos.
- I've always, you know what guys,
I've just, I've always been a big fan of toilet humor.
I don't have a big outlet for it in Richard Pictures,
nor my work as a painter, nor Mountain Brews,
but in Mountain Poos, I can finally, you know,
get some of that out there.
- Yeah, it's truly bridging my musical life
and Ezra's musical life into Mountain Poos.
- Yeah, what is Mountain Poos?
It's a mixture of Vampire Weekend, Mountain Brews,
and good old fashioned toilet humor.
- Well, I like that if he hadn't had to change the name
from Dick Fix to Richard Pictures,
if someone were like, "What band are you in?"
Well, I'm in a band, Dick Fix,
and then I have this other band, Mountain Poos.
- Mountain Poos.
Also, just to be straight up into toilet humor as an adult,
I mean, here's the thing, almost everybody is.
It's actually more like the rare person you meet
who's just like, "I really can't stand toilet humor."
But very few people, it's a big secret,
people don't want to admit it,
but most people actually are into it.
But very few people would actually come out
and be part of the fan community.
Just to say, if like ever a bunch of,
Jake, you're at some Hollywood party,
a bunch of Hannah's cool director friends,
and people are talking about comedy.
Like, who's made a good comedy lately?
Who are some of your favorite standups?
And Jake just buzzes in just like,
well, me personally, I'm into toilet humor.
So whether it's on the stage, on film, TV show,
that's what I'm into.
I'm just a toilet humor guy.
- Music parody, you know.
I'm working on my own project, actually, guys.
You wanna hear about it?
(laughing)
- Called Mountain Poos.
I mean, you could count,
I actually, I saw CT over the New Year's holiday,
and I was singing 2022 had to take a poo to him.
- Oh wait, really?
You've been workshopping this?
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
- With various members of Vampire Weekend?
- Exactly, I'm kind of behind your back a little bit.
I've been working on this for weeks.
But we were saying that you could count up,
like except for seven,
you'd have to like kind of slur it, like 20, 27.
But like all of the numbers are one syllable.
So you could keep counting up.
- A Vampire Weekend parody band
with all the members of Vampire Weekend, except for--
- Plus Jake.
(laughing)
- Yeah.
Well, I'm sort of the Robert Hunter of this version.
- Oh yeah, a non-touring member,
but a primary lyricist and spiritual guide.
No, you're totally right, I could see us.
We'll take 20, 27 off, and then back in 20, 28,
I was feeling great.
- Yeah, I didn't get as far as eight.
- That's a good, I'm throwing a blank right now.
Anyone, feel free to jump in with some toilet humor.
- My period is late.
(laughing)
- Okay, period humor.
- Yeah, it's a little, you know.
- Time Crisis 2022,
we're gonna be doing a lot of the Beatles and toilet humor.
No, we definitely won't return to it.
But I will say, I wouldn't put myself out there
as somebody who's into toilet humor.
I don't identify that way.
But you know, if I'm honest, it does crack me up often.
And recently, I saw my sister and her boyfriend, Anthony,
and he's from Indiana.
He's from Noblesville,
where the Grateful Dead played some legendary shows.
I forget what the venue's called there.
There's like a major amphitheater in Noblesville, Indiana.
- Is it a college town, or what's going on in Noblesville?
I'm curious.
- I actually learned a lot about this,
going a little deeper with him.
It's basically greater Indianapolis.
- Okay.
- Like a nice Indianapolis suburb,
but it's like just outside of,
it's, you're in Indianapolis, basically.
I didn't realize that.
- Gotcha.
- 'Cause I always pick, whenever I'd read about like,
yeah, the Dead played Noblesville,
I always picture you're like out in the middle of nowhere,
but it's greater Indianapolis.
- Okay.
- But they were telling me about that they have,
'cause the Vampires is gonna roll in Indianapolis,
I forget exactly when, this summer, we're doing a festival.
Always have a good time in Indianapolis.
And they said, "Oh, you gotta,"
so my sister and her boyfriend were saying,
"Oh, you gotta try this Italian restaurant.
"It's been there forever.
"It's the oldest Italian restaurant in Indianapolis.
"And actually we know a member of the family
"and we went to her wedding
"and the restaurant catered it and it's great."
And I was like, "Hell yeah, I'll roll up."
Actually, last time I was in Indianapolis,
me and Bayo ate at Buca di Beppo.
If I had known that there was a non-chain
beloved Italian restaurant, I would have gone there.
So I was like, "Perfect, I'm there."
And I said, "What's it called?"
And they, "It's called Iorea's."
And I said, "Wait, what?"
And it just triggered something in my head
where I said, "Wait, that's the family's last name?"
So yeah, the last name of the family is Iorea.
And I said, "I'm sorry, guys.
"I guess I'm really immature.
"This is making me laugh.
"You guys don't seem to find it funny at all.
"Iorea."
And they were like, "Well, I guess here,"
and they were kind of like,
"I mean, yeah, we know these people that are great family.
"I'm sure they're a great family."
And I was like, and they were like,
"Yeah, probably there was some teasing going on
"in grammar school if your last name's Iorea."
And they said, "But here's the thing.
"When you look at it written out,
"you don't really think about it.
"So if you're at the restaurant,
"you're looking at the menu,
"you're looking at the front,
"you just see I-A-R-I-A.
"You wouldn't immediately think Iorea."
And I was like, "Yeah, I see what you're saying."
And I'm sure like probably back in the day in Italy,
a name like that would probably be pronounced what?
Iaria or something.
- Yeah.
- But anyway, the more I thought about it,
I was like, "Well, you know what?
"That rules that there's a great beloved Italian restaurant
"called Iaria's.
"Generations of people from Indianapolis
"have been hitting it.
"Maybe they're not into toilet humor,
"or maybe it just doesn't register as toilet humor."
But it created a long discussion.
And I just like really couldn't stop thinking about it.
- I could picture someone who like is not a fan
of the restaurant or maybe once someone got
food poisoning there and they were like,
"Dude, Friday night went to Iaria's.
"I mean, I went to diarrhea's, dude, because."
- Right, yeah.
- Saturday, I was hurting.
- Yeah, or maybe. - I can just totally picture that.
- Who hates Indiana?
People from Michigan?
- Do they?
- I mean, don't like Pistons fans hate the Pacers?
Wait, who knows about sports?
Matt, don't Pistons fans hate the Pacers?
- They're more bold, but I believe Michigan.
I think Michigan and Indiana, the colleges have a rivalry.
- Oh, maybe the colleges have a rivalry, I don't know.
But somebody who hates Indiana comes into Indianapolis
to see for an away game for their team.
And then maybe they have something nasty to say about Iaria's.
But anyway, I wanna say I can't wait to eat there.
And I'm into it, but it's just an example
of how the toilet humor runs deep,
even if you don't think you're into it
and that you're thinking about it.
And of course, then I started thinking,
I don't really know Italian grammar that well,
but a lot of Italian places are like D apostrophe something.
I don't know if this is proper,
but like, you know, if it was called like Casa d'Iaria.
I'm not even saying that this is funny,
but it just, it tickled my phone.
- It would be of Iria, right?
- Does that make sense?
- House of Iria.
- Yeah, Nick, you know a little Italian.
Does that make sense?
Casa d'Iaria?
Anyway, I'm sure there's some Indianapolis
Italian food fans are hearing this and saying,
you guys are insane.
- Yeah, we're asking.
- But also I'm not knocking the restaurant
and I'm sure it's great.
♪ 2021, what do you think about me ♪
♪ I could wait a year, but I shouldn't wait three ♪
♪ I don't wanna be ♪
♪ 2021, what do you think about us ♪
♪ Copper goes green, steel beams go rust ♪
♪ It's a matter of ♪
This is also apropos of nothing,
but this was something that I really enjoyed
being in England last year.
I went with a little crew, Ariel, our boy Ferdy,
UK music industry legend, took us to a QPR game,
which randomly I've seen multiple QPR games in my life.
It's the Queens Park Rangers.
They're like, you know how in England
there's like a million different divisions of soccer?
And this is like, it's so wild how it's like,
it's not even the top league, it's like the second league.
And you roll up to like a Friday night game
in the second league, and there's still 20,000 people there.
You know, there's just like no equivalent.
- Crazy.
- I'm only thinking about this
'cause I'm thinking about away teams,
having this like dumb fantasy of the away fan
coming into Indianapolis to see the game.
And of course it's England, so they do a lot of chants.
QPR is playing Luton, so all the Luton fans,
which is also greater London,
they come in to the QPR stadium and you know,
they roll deep, so this is probably thousands of people
jump on the train, come in together.
Some people get (beep) face, some people get rowdy,
some people are just there to watch the game.
But there's a lot of chanting going back and forth.
And I guess this is a thing that exists with a few teams,
but I just found it so funny and mean
that when the home team is winning,
so at QPR, they were winning 2-0.
And towards the end of the match,
they start this chant that's just to mock
all the people who came all that way
just to watch their team lose.
And the chant is, "2-0 on your big day out."
And it's kind of to the tune of,
"Go West by the Pet Shop Boys."
And they just start chanting,
thousands of people going,
"2-0 on your big day out, 2-0 on your big day out."
I don't know, me and Ariel just like,
had it stuck in our heads for weeks,
just, "2-0 on your big day out."
'Cause it's just so mean.
It just like cuts so to the core of what's happening.
It's not even just like, "We're the best, we're beating you."
It's literally like, "Hey losers,
you guys got on the train from your area,
you came all the way here, it was your big day out.
And what did you get?
You got 2-0 on your big day out."
It's like, especially 'cause it probably really
does hurt people's feelings to have to go get back up.
Your team loses and then you've got to get on the train.
Anyway, that just really stuck with me.
"2-0 on your big day out."
- It's so condescending, like, "Oh, your big day."
- Oh, your big day out.
- Saying that to like adults, like, "Oh, your big day."
- It was your big day out.
You and your friends got together.
You bought your train tickets.
Maybe you hired a sitter.
You came together, you were so excited.
You came over to our stadium
and it was 2-0 on your big day out.
It's like a disappointed child on their birthday.
"2-0 on your big day out."
And just like all these people chanting it.
- I feel like big day out is a good song title.
- Yeah, totally.
Actually, I did have this.
I wondered, could I incorporate 2-0 on your big day out
into a song, maybe just big day out.
Just randomly on the next Vampire Weekend album,
a song called "Big Day Out."
So I was like, "So what's this about?"
I'm like, "Well, I want to do a story song.
This is about a Luton fan who took the train
to a QPR match.
It's about the range of emotions they experienced
over the course of the day."
- Also, QPR?
That's right up there with like crypto.com arena.
- It sounds like QR code.
- Yeah, Qualcomm, QR.
It's just like, "What? QPR?"
- They're called the Queens Park Rangers.
I mean, to be fair,
that name was probably picked 120 years ago.
- Yeah.
- It's an area called Queens Park and they're the Rangers.
- When do you think they started calling it QPR?
- That's a good question.
- Not before the '90s, maybe the '80s.
No one in like 1920 was like, "QPR?"
- I do think that people have been into like initials
and acronyms in other eras of history.
That's a really good question, but I know what you mean.
It feels very modern just to call something like QPR.
- It's funny to think about some guy
wearing like a top hat in like 1893,
being like, "I'm going to QPR tomorrow."
- "I'm gonna go catch the QPR game."
- "Gonna get hammered."
- What the (beep) did he just say?
Oh, he's a weird dude.
He's really into like just calling things by their initials.
All right.
He's like, "You watch, it's gonna catch on."
I'll set my version in the American Midwest
and it's gonna be about a Michigan sports fan
who comes to Indiana, has dinner at Irea's
and watches their team lose.
- There you go.
- This probably happens all the time.
Like people drive to see their team somewhere,
especially in the US.
Like in the UK, all right, worst case,
you're jumping on the train for 90 minutes.
But like in the US, I'm sure there's so many people.
I want to do a better job of this.
Give me a fan who would come to Indianapolis
to see their team play the Pacers.
- The Knicks hit the Pacers.
- The Bucs.
- The Milwaukee Bucs.
- What's the drive from straight up Milwaukee
to Indianapolis?
- I'm gonna guess that's five hours.
- Jake, almost, it's four hours and 19 minutes
if you take the I-65 South.
- Okay, so that's four hours 19.
I'm actually picturing a decent number of Bucs fans
who are like, "(beep) it, we can do this."
I'll go put in a few hours of work in the morning
and then we're gonna roll out in the afternoon.
Hopefully don't hit some Chicago area rush hour traffic
on the way there.
We're not paying for a hotel.
We can drive 419 out there, watch the game,
and be home by two, three a.m.
- Someone's gotta be the DD.
- Somebody has to be the designated driver
or at least just cram all their beers into the first half.
- First half.
(laughing)
- All right, we're cutting you off at halftime.
Got it.
I'm the DD.
And so, yeah, somebody would rip out.
I don't know enough about basketball
to know if this is feasible anytime recently.
They get there and the Pacers just crush the Bucs.
Absolute bloodbath.
Matt Shaking has said-- - I think the Bucs
are pretty good.
- Yeah, I know.
I had a feeling, as I said, this wasn't that reasonable.
But whatever, this is--
- They're champions.
- No, I know, they're a great team.
I actually do have a soft spot for the Bucs.
I like people who like the Bucs.
But they get there.
Okay, whatever, this is a story.
This is an alternate universe.
This takes place in the future.
They drive out, watch the Bucs get crushed by the Pacers.
That iorea's tasted great,
but now with the stank of defeat,
it's not sitting so well in the stomach.
Everybody piles back into the car
for four hours and 19 minutes
of just solemn, depressed driving back.
I mean, what's a basketball score be like?
- Wait a second.
The Bucs beat the Pacers in December, 114-99.
- Well, that's a victorious drive back.
- Where was that match?
Was that in Milwaukee?
- That was in Milwaukee.
(laughing)
- It's a match.
- Let's go to the basketball match.
Just a real natural thing to say.
(laughing)
- You're listening to Time Crisis Sports Talk
on Apple Sports Radio.
- Time Crisis.
- With Ezra Koenig.
- Anyway, all I'm saying is
there've been a lot of people in America
who have watched their team get crushed
and then got into the car for a four and a half hour
depressed ride back.
Something like 119 to 65 on your big day out.
That's like a really (beep) basketball score, right?
119 to 65. - That's gnarly.
- 119 to 65 on your big day out.
(laughing)
Damn.
Go back to Milwaukee.
- Matt's the only sports,
actual sports fan on this sports talk.
But it is a funny thing to think that if your team loses,
it was a waste of time.
- Right, you have to be,
like I'm just picturing some kind of like Zen Luton fan
at the QPR match.
Two nil on your big day out.
And they're just saying like,
I can't really express this in like a catchy song,
but the idea that just because Luton lost two nil
means that I didn't have a great time with my friends
and get to watch my favorite team play.
Like what do you got?
I actually feel sorry for you guys
that you can only feel happy when you win.
Because yeah, I did have a big day out.
I got on the train with my buddies.
We got to drink great beer,
ate a sausage roll and supported our boys.
Imagine if we weren't here and they lost two nil.
That would suck for them.
We came to support our guys on a tough day.
Do you guys even know what friendship is?
I feel sorry for your friends.
If you don't, we're not fair weather fans.
It's all good.
- When I look back on this day,
a year from now, five years from now, 10 years from now,
I won't think about the score.
I'll think about the companionship and that brew.
- That cold brew.
- Great friends on my big day out.
Two nil, great brews on my big day out.
Two nil.
- All right, it's coming together.
- All right, it's coming together.
It got so stuck in our heads
that we just like kept singing it in the ride home.
And it was like, we kept almost picturing like a musical
and this could be part of the musical
where the guys are chanting two nil on your big day out.
And then it just like cuts to the soloist.
He goes, two nil on my big day out.
And then he becomes like first person.
- It's like Tommy or something.
- Yeah, yeah.
Two nil on my big day out.
Yeah, the lights change, the spotlight comes
on the young boy.
Two nil on my big day out.
Two nil.
Anyway, we're gonna do a test run, the English version.
And if it works on the West end,
we're gonna bring it to the Midwest,
to a theater in Chicago.
And we're gonna do the kind of
the Milwaukee Indianapolis version.
- Ezra Koenig presents my big day out.
- My big day out.
I mean, it's a four quadrant thing
because it's musical theater.
Some people like that, sports, other people like that.
It's two quadrant, I guess.
- Yeah, I was gonna say, what are the other two quadrants?
- Friends and beer.
- There you go, four quadrant.
- There's nobody who doesn't like
at least one of those four things.
Musical, theater, sports, friends and beer.
- Friends?
Oh, and toilet humor.
It's five quadrant.
- Sure.
- There's gonna be a lot of toilet humor.
It's gonna be kind of like a book of Mormon
meets Hamilton meets chariots of fire.
♪ Always ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We will leave someday ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ Your hand in my hand ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We will make our plans ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We will fly so high ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ Tell all our friends goodbye ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ We will start life new ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ This is what we'll do ♪
♪ Always ♪
♪ Life is peaceful there ♪
♪ Always ♪
♪ In the open air ♪
♪ Always ♪
♪ Where the skies are blue ♪
♪ Always ♪
♪ This is what we're gonna do ♪
- All right, Seinfeld, so I hear your New Year's resolution
was to get in shape.
- Oh yeah, I mean, I've been thinking about eating better,
getting in shape throughout last year.
So yeah, I mean, but I think we're all,
we all share that resolution as a constant sort of desire.
- Absolutely.
You're actually doing something about it.
- Yeah, I'm getting a, I'm getting Hank's fit.
- You actually signed up for something called Hank's Fit,
which is to train with the controversial Chet Hanks.
- Yeah, you know, I was, it was New Year's Eve.
Chet Hanks, who I follow on Instagram,
he had posted on his page, you know,
essentially if you wanna get,
if you wanna go beast mode like me,
hit up the link in my bio.
You know, I was like one beer deep.
And so I, you know, on a whim, I sort of just thought,
well, you know, what's gonna happen?
And you go to his page and you can fill in your name,
your email address, and your phone number.
And, you know, this all happened in about a minute.
And I just went on with my life.
I didn't really think about it.
And then a couple days ago,
must've been about three days ago,
I get a text that says, "What's up?
It's Chet.
Are you ready to boss the (beep) up or what?"
He's got a way with words.
- It's very motivating.
So I write back immediately,
"Oh, hell yeah, Chet.
What's the (beep) move?"
Not long thereafter, I'm part of the Hank's Fit program,
which is a holistic program that involves
not just workouts, but nutrition,
and really a whole new mindset.
And now we're a few days deep
and I've never felt better in my life.
- And you shared with us some of the workouts
and I don't wanna, I don't know if we're legally allowed
to get into all the details of it
'cause that's probably Chet Hank's proprietary information
and we can't leak it.
But I personally, and look, I'm no workout expert,
but I was shocked by the number of burpees he had you doing.
- I mean, I've done personal training before.
And one thing that this brought back to me
was that there's really no warmup or incline.
You get thrust right into it
and it becomes a do or die sort of thing.
And so, yeah, I also don't really wanna reveal
too much of the IP here,
but we're coming in hot off the top with a lot of burpees.
And I did them and I was sore.
I mean, I think the soreness just wore off today.
I actually had to, 'cause Chet and I,
we text back and forth through the app
and I had to say to him,
hey, I'm gonna have to push this second workout regimen
a day 'cause I'm still,
my entire upper body feels like it's on fire.
- What did he say to that?
- He said, all good, brother, you earned it.
Take a rest.
- Wow, so you're really texting with him.
- Yeah, I mean, it's through an app,
but he's, I mean, if I need something,
I reach right out and he's very quick to reply.
- Well, you were concerned that it was a bot.
- Yeah, and I did ask him that.
Yeah, I asked him that straight up.
When I got the text, I said, is this really you?
Is it a bot or is it a member of your team?
And he said, no, it's really me, homie.
- Wow.
Well, listen, I think this is great.
And here's the truth.
Chet Hanks, at various points in his life,
he's been a meme.
He used to do this thing where he would do this,
apparently, according to some Jamaican people,
a very impressive patois,
where he would do a whole thing in patois.
And actually, a friend of the show, Brian Jones,
used to do perfect lip syncs to them.
And I think Chet Hanks knew he was kinda having some fun
playing it up.
So in some ways, he kinda made himself into a meme
or some form of internet humor.
And here's the thing about exercise,
I think we all know this, whatever gets you moving.
For some people, they need music.
The only thing that's gonna get them on the Peloton
is a Grateful Dead 50th anniversary
of American Beauty ride, for instance.
For other people, it needs to be sports.
They love the competition.
So you gotta go play basketball.
It's the only way they're gonna get moving.
And I think for you, as somebody who works
in the meme coal mines,
I think the fact that Chet is somebody
who not only, let us be clear, has an amazing physique.
The last time I saw a picture of him, the guy's ripped.
So you know you can trust him there.
- Yeah, he's jacked.
- And so in addition to being jacked,
he's also spent some time in kinda the world of memes,
internet humor, whatever.
So I feel like this is perfect for you.
- Well, thank you.
And I agree, and I will just add to that,
this may have started as a bit,
the novelty, oh, let me join.
But I gotta say, I've really crossed the Rubicon here.
I am dead serious about the Hank's Fit lifestyle
and the mindset.
And I'll give you an example.
I ate plain yogurt for the first time
in my life the other day.
- Really?
- Yeah, have you ever had plain yogurt?
- All the time.
- Oh, really?
- Was that his rec?
- Yeah.
- He said he'd plain yogurt?
You mean just like sour, tangy yogurt?
- Just like, you know, unsweetened,
like just the plain variety.
No strawberry, no fruit at the bottom, no blueberry.
- Yeah, so when you say holistic,
he really is doing, he's got your diet, does he have you?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Calorie counting or journaling,
what has he got you doing?
- Calorie counting, no journaling,
but there was, you know, he strongly advised
that I get a food scale, so I copped the food scale.
You know, and then it's just recommended nutrition
and making sure that you count those calories
and you get the right balance.
- Wait, a food scale, like literally just like a scale
that you have in your kitchen to be like,
put the blueberries on?
- Yeah, you know, a small scale with a dish
and the digital timer, I'm sure.
- But like, I don't understand what the point
of weighing your food is.
- Yeah, you know, honestly, I'm still figuring
that part out a little bit.
I should probably ask him about it, to be honest with you,
but you know, you have to follow the number of calories
based on the weight of each individual ingredient
and you combine them into, you know, a balanced meal.
- Oh, so somehow like the weight of the food
corresponds to calorie count?
- Yeah.
- So you put in like, I see.
- Right, 'cause if you don't weigh it,
you're not getting an accurate reading of calories
because if somebody says like,
"Oh, Jake, what'd you have for breakfast?"
You know, "I had some yogurt, I added in some blueberries."
Well, hold on, did you add in four blueberries?
Did you add in 12?
How many grams of blueberries did you add?
- Right, I feel like blueberries would have no calories,
but yes, I take your point.
If you add like a handful of granola, now we're talking.
- And is that how you style it?
Like, are you putting stuff? - Yeah.
- Okay.
- I'll do plain nonfat yogurt, like Greek yogurt,
and then I'll put a handful of granola in.
- What brand are you doing?
- Are you still doing Kind granola?
- I'm all over the place, kind of whatever I see.
I've recently been into this one called Elizabeth,
I think it's called.
- Oh yeah, Elizabeth is getting big.
- Very, very rich.
I mean, here's the thing,
you can't go crazy with the granola
'cause it's very dense and sugar and it's very caloric.
- You have to go, honestly. - You gotta go light.
- You gotta go, and you gotta go sugar-free granola.
You gotta really look at those ingredients.
- Yeah, I don't do that.
I mean, I'm not in the elite mindset coaching program,
so maybe I should be.
- It's not too late.
- I mean, this could be a real adventure for all of us.
- Let's see how you're looking, Seinfeld, in a month.
♪ You feel weak ♪
♪ And when you feel weak ♪
♪ You feel like you wanna just give up ♪
♪ But you gotta search within you ♪
♪ Try to find that inner strength ♪
♪ And just pull that shit out of you ♪
♪ And get that motivation to not give up ♪
♪ And not be a quitter ♪
♪ No matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face ♪
♪ 'Til I collapse, I'm spilling these racks ♪
♪ Long as you feel 'em ♪
♪ 'Til the day that I drop ♪
♪ You'll never say that I'm not killing 'em ♪
♪ 'Cause when I am not, then I'ma stop pinning 'em ♪
♪ I am not hip hop and I'm just not Eminem ♪
♪ Subliminal thoughts, when I'ma stop sending 'em ♪
♪ Women are caught in webs, venom and heart venom ♪
♪ Adrenaline shot, the penicillin could not ♪
♪ Get the ill in the stock ♪
♪ I'm articillin, it's just not well enough ♪
♪ The criminal cop, killing hip hop, feeling a minimal ♪
♪ Swap to cop, millions of pop listeners ♪
♪ You're coming with me, feel it or not ♪
♪ You're gonna fear it like I showed you ♪
♪ The spirit of God lives in us ♪
♪ You hear it a lot, lyrics that shock ♪
♪ Is it a miracle or am I just product ♪
♪ Of pop, this enough ♪
♪ Persist on my whistle, this is the plot ♪
♪ Listen up, you pistols for God's little ♪
♪ Does not give a ♪
♪ 'Til the roof comes off, 'til the lights go out ♪
♪ 'Til my leg give out, can't shut my mouth ♪
♪ 'Til the smoke clears out, am I high, perhaps ♪
♪ I'ma rip this shit 'til my bones collapse ♪
♪ 'Til the roof comes off, 'til the lights go out ♪
♪ 'Til my leg give out, can't shut my mouth ♪
♪ 'Til the smoke clears out, am I high, perhaps ♪
♪ I'ma rip this shit 'til my bones collapse ♪
- So he's having you do two workouts a day?
- No, no, no, it's been two so far
over the course of four or five days.
- Oh, okay.
- And I was not embracing. - He's not training you
live on Zoom.
He sends you just like a list?
- That's right, it's a list.
It's all text-based.
You know, for a higher tier, you know,
I can get some of that one-on-one motivation in,
but no, it's just, you know,
it's sort of like instructions.
It's a list of commands that, you know,
if you fulfill it,
then you've locked in your workout for that day,
but no, no one-to-one,
but a higher tier will get you those Zoom calls
with him and his team.
- Okay, but at the very least,
you know you're gonna be texting with him,
'cause sometimes we've all probably looked up
a workout routine on the internet
and you just see it there in text,
and you're like, all right,
says just like do 30 pushups,
and you look at it and you're like, all right,
but Chet is holding you accountable
because he's gonna hit you up and saying like,
how's it going, did you do it?
And you'd have to be a real piece of (beep)
to be not only paying for it, but lying to him.
- Yeah, that's exactly right.
And I gotta say, I gave it a shot last night
because, you know, it's an intensive workout,
and it was a lot of different,
it was the burpees, it was pushups,
a bunch of different reps and sets.
And I, you know, I tried to do a couple of pushups
and I swear, it was just, everything was so sore.
And I felt definitely some guilt.
And I, you know, I had to say, look, I gotta confess,
like, I just couldn't push through it, Chet.
And I was so relieved when I got that text back
that it's like, you know, that empathy that he understood.
'Cause I laid it out, I said, look,
I haven't worked out seriously in a long time,
like a couple of years.
So I think that, yeah, that human connection,
you know, it'd be like, Jake, like if you had Bob Pollard
on the other end of an app, I mean,
I'm sure the fandom is a little bit more intense
between you and Bob, but like, you know,
it would feel the same way, right?
You'd be like, I can't let him down.
- If Bob had a training app.
- Could you imagine Bob Pollard telling you
to do a hundred burpees?
I mean, I would do it.
That's the thing.
That's a great analogy, science.
- Wait, should we just start an app
that's just like a combination of cameo and fitness?
It probably already exists,
but it's basically just like your favorite celebrities
using specially crafted proprietary workouts
that are gonna hold you accountable.
All right, I copyright this.
I copyright this.
Okay, that legally, it's now property of Time Crisis.
- Done deal.
- Like, who do you want to tell you to do a hundred burpees?
Because who do you feel like a piece of (beep)
for lying to?
It's really what it comes down to.
Who would you be like, I can't lie to you?
- A lot of people respond to negative incentives.
Imagine if you got somebody's least favorite celebrity.
Imagine a true blue Democrat.
Every time they open their phone,
former president Donald J. Trump saying, "You're trash.
"I knew you couldn't do all those burpees."
Can you imagine how that would motivate somebody?
And vice versa, some MAGA person.
They got Rachel Maddow.
- Nancy Pelosi sitting there eating ice cream.
Just going.
- That way.
- Nancy Pelosi doing the sarcastic clap.
Oh, you did 45 burpees?
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
Look at you.
- You're saying it doesn't matter if they're not in shape.
It becomes more of the cult of personality of it all.
- Well, even if they're not in shape,
but just imagine Donald J. Trump saying,
"I'm happy with the way that I look.
"My goal was to be president and I accomplished that.
"But look at you, your new year's resolution
"was to get in shape and you can't even do 47 burpees.
"You're fired."
(laughing)
- The nice thing about this sort of parasocial
personal training journey is that
Chet is posting his motivational statements
on his Instagram throughout the journey.
So you'll get little snatches of motivation
just when you're looking at your phone.
Like I sent Matt,
Matt, I don't know if you're able to play this,
but a couple days ago,
Chet posted something that was very inspiring.
- He's been posting some great vids.
- Yeah, you're a follower too?
- Oh, I mean, since this whole episode started.
I mean, since your whole journey started a few days ago.
- Right, yeah, the Hank's Fit journey.
- Hey yo, check this out.
When you're in the midst of a transformation,
a lot of people aren't gonna recognize
the person you're becoming.
Take that as a good sign and keep moving.
♪ Yeah, let's get it ♪
- Was he exercising as he said that?
- This was like clean off a workout.
Like he'd clearly done some reps or some sets
and he's out of breath.
And he's just laying it down.
Like, people aren't gonna recognize your transformation,
you know, the whole world is gonna change around you
and you gotta keep going.
And I, you know, I don't know about you guys,
but I felt that somewhere deep down.
- Well, and also, you know, this guy,
from what I know, he's had a somewhat troubled life.
And I think the truth is like,
you want a trainer who's like been through some (beep)
who's changed their life, who's turned it around.
Actually, there's a lot of famous workouts
that are prison workouts.
People who had to, you know, go through all that,
you know, say what you will, but that's quite a journey.
- I wonder how many clients Chet has.
You have any sense of the scale of the...
- It's not impossible that you're the only one.
- Let's see, he's got half a million followers.
I thought, you know, there's no world
where less than 50 people have signed up for this thing.
And I'm reluctant to blow his spot up,
but I will say that I've been added to a group
within the app and it's just a few of us in there.
And I have yet to sort of start chatting with people,
but it's a group, it's a crew, it's a movement.
- And also to be fair to Chet,
if he's actually interacting with the clients
in some capacity one-on-one, actually sending you messages,
that's not like somebody who's trying to, you know,
start the next Taibo.
That's somebody who wants to build essentially
a personal fitness business,
and he doesn't need, you know, a million subscribers.
You know, I mean,
probably a really popping personal trainer.
How many people can you get to in a week?
- True.
- 20 at most?
- Like 20, oof, that sounds like a lot.
- Yeah, actually that might, yeah, well, maybe three.
- Although if you're doing it full-time.
- Yeah, it's gonna be a lot of work.
- Yeah.
- I'm on Twitter and I can at least see
that there's at least a handful of people
who are like day 10 of Chet Heng's 60-day challenge,
just signed up for Heng's Fit.
There's a lot of people that are obviously
having fun with this
and that are sort of treating it like a meme,
but there's at least, we know, I can tell you,
it doesn't seem like Seinfeld is his only client.
- Okay.
Well, and also I think kind of Seinfeld,
like you said, you know,
a lot of people are gonna be attracted to it
because of what they might find humorous
about aspects of the Chet Heng's persona,
but it's one of those things where it's, you know,
sometimes on this show,
we talk about these disgusting brand collabs
that they do just for a bit,
like birthday cake mayonnaise or the Hershey's Yingling,
just (beep) that people put together and you drink it
and all you're left with is being like,
that was gross, you didn't need to make this.
Well, here's the thing about this.
I don't care if you sign up for this as a bit,
in a month, when you look at your perfect 12 pack abs,
you're gonna say, bit or no bit, I'm in good shape.
I feel better about myself.
I'm stronger, I'm healthier, I'm a better person,
better husband, better father, better number cruncher,
better memer.
- Oh yeah.
- The bit becomes real.
- I agree.
I mean, you know, I might've signed up for the novelty,
but when I was 33 burpees deep,
there wasn't anything funny about that, okay?
And by the way, Matt just sent a link
to the current Hank's Fit website
and it's been switched to a wait list, so.
- Okay, all right.
- You got in on the ground floor, that's great.
- And I, you know, I feel so great for it.
Yeah, I feel like I'm part of an exclusive club.
I've signed up for the month,
but I feel like this is gonna be maybe my whole year,
maybe this is the rest of my life.
- You know what I'd like to see?
I'd like to see you so ripped, so in shape,
that by New Year's next year,
you part ways with Hank's Fit and you drop Seinfeld Fit.
- Ooh, Seinfeld Fit.
- And you pay it forward, Seinfeld Fit.
Imagine you put your meme making talent
and combined it with motivational workout stuff,
like a funny picture of George with his shirt off
from the Shrinkage episode.
And I don't know, that is something about like,
I don't know.
Like, you're the memer.
- I feel like I could be texting people, like, you know,
what's the deal with how out of shape you are,
things like that.
That might be a good like opening text.
- Maybe that's the future of work.
'Cause truly I can say the times when I've been the most fit
working out the most, you realize
you don't need much in life.
You got a few good people in your life.
You feel like you're in good shape and you exercise.
You have real good quality of life.
You don't need much beyond that.
And maybe people talk about the great resignation.
People don't wanna work in traditional environments anymore.
You'll have to run the numbers on the Seinfeld.
But is it possible that if everybody in America
had 10 to 20 clients that they trained,
eventually the whole country could be training each other
and the money would flow enough
to give everybody a good quality of life,
everybody be in a good mood because they'd be in shape
and have those endorphins flowing.
I feel like this could actually like save America.
- That actually brings me up to my only real question
about this, which is realistically,
Chet Hanks to get as fit as he is,
most likely as a trainer.
So is he getting this fitness routine from a trainer
and he is not accusing him of anything.
The trainer may be part like low key, a part of this,
but or is he just full off half cocked creating something
and throwing it at you?
- Yeah, it's a good question.
I mean, he's referenced his team
and I have to assume that his team is a little bit more,
they may have studied kinesiology
or been a little bit more seasoned
in the personal training world.
But I mean, I don't know if I'm not taking the practice
of personal training seriously enough,
but I feel like it is something that you could concoct
on your own and put out there.
Like you could create the Nick Fit program
and it's based on your own style,
your own what works for you, right?
I mean, there are no qualifications here
that I had to really check for.
- Well, you would hope he has a trainer
because he's standing on the shoulder of giants.
And then eventually in a few years,
when you're in your dojo, Nick, and you're training,
you're 20, you're golden 20.
You say, what's up?
My name is Nick Weidenfeld.
I'm a little bit about me.
- I trained under Seinfeld.
- I trained under Seinfeld.
- I trained under Chet Hanks.
- Trained under Chet Hanks,
who trained under Billy Blanks, blessed be thy name.
You know, that's actually like a lot of spiritual teachers
do that as well.
Like a guru, like the Maharishi type,
they would talk to you totally about the lineage,
about who they studied under,
and that this knowledge you paid forward and say,
and I hope one day that somebody in this room
will be giving the same speech to their 20 students.
And then eventually, I think it actually could happen
that it literally comes full circle.
And one day Chet Hanks is saying, you know what?
I haven't studied.
I'd like to improve my technique.
I think I could get back with a trainer.
And then he meets somebody who trains him.
And he says, I really like your style.
There's elements of it that remind me of my own teachings.
And yet you've put a totally new spin on it.
And you've opened my eyes to new aspects of it.
Can you tell me a bit about your background?
And they say, well, I studied under Selena Gomez,
who studied under Bill Kreutzman, who studied,
you know, et cetera.
And then eventually gets back to Seinfeld 2000,
who studied under you, Sensei.
- So this is like a-- - And there's like a tear,
a single tear goes down Chet's face.
And he's like, let's get it.
- Let's (beep) go, homie.
- This could happen.
This could save, let's get Bernie Sanders on the phone.
If everybody had 20 students that they trained.
I'll tell you, the only thing about this
is that it does require commitment.
Obviously, there's gonna be some people
who are gonna have certain issues
that prevent them from training.
But you know, we could figure out something else
for those people.
But you know, for a lot of people, this could really work.
- But I think the commitment-- - The money's flowing.
The money's flowing, the fitness is flowing.
I think there'd be no more political conflict.
I think this could end the era of polarization
if everybody trained everybody else.
- I think it's a beautiful thing.
And I think, you know, to your point about the commitment,
the motivation, I think, remember that celebrity aspect,
that heroism is kind of what's driving it, you know?
So, you know, if I wanna join the Widenfit movement,
you know, as part of the cult of Weidenfeld,
I'm in it, I'm locked into the mindset.
And I think that that's the way that you connect everybody.
- Yeah, and some people, it's gonna be some unusual stuff.
Bob Pollard is gonna say, Jake's like,
"Well, where do I start?"
Bob's some burpees, and he's gonna say,
"No, I want you to go down to your local field
"and hit 100 home runs.
"Just go stand on home plate and just start,
"just whacking the ball until you knock it out of the park.
"And every time that happens, you gotta walk over,
"go get it, go back to home plate."
Imagine if you did that every day.
Just went by yourself with one baseball and one bat,
and you just had to whack it out of the park 100 times.
How many steps would you get?
That'd be like walking 30 miles.
- Not to mention the satisfaction of, you know,
the achievement of seeing your ball really fly that way.
It would really do something for, you know,
your self-esteem as well, you know?
I love it.
- You know who I would follow?
I just wanna say, 'cause I, you know,
I follow a lot of fitness.
I didn't know about the Chet Fit,
but I do follow a lot of sort of fit Instagram,
you know, health Instagram stuff.
And you know who is like the most inspirational,
who I actually would take a class from,
and I joined there 20, is Action Bronson.
- Oh, right.
- And his transformation on is so inspiring.
And I just get so into watching, like,
he is in that gym and he's doing things,
and you made me think of it with the Bob Pollard
just swing a bat around.
Like, he's doing these,
like he's just swinging these heavy bats around.
But his body transformation,
his commitment to working out is so inspiring.
And you know, I feel like,
given this is theoretically a music show.
- I've heard a lot of people talk about
being inspired by Action Bronson.
And actually on the topic of rappers from Queens,
you know what I just thought?
Friend of the show, who actually is in incredible shape
and would be a great trainer, Despot Fit.
- Oh.
- I think, imagine if there was Despot Fit.
- Oh yeah.
- When I started working out,
I'd call Alec to talk about it.
'Cause he's so, yeah, he's an inspiration, man.
- He knows about pea protein and stuff like that.
- We should sign him up for Chet Fit,
just so he can be a real, he can give us,
I don't wanna, I definitely want Seinfeld
on that journey feeling super inspired.
But it would be nice to get Despot as a, you know,
sort of a knowledgeable person to sort of weigh in
on what he thinks, you know, pro to pro.
- Oh, for sure.
- All right, we're gonna get that.
We're gonna reach out to Despot about that.
(hip hop music)
♪ I'm crazy, started all this with just a strand of hair ♪
♪ Me and my wife all night, swing from the chandelier ♪
♪ And acrobatic artistry, pardon me ♪
♪ You can feel this like some H inside your artery ♪
♪ Give love to the departed, ♪
♪ Always know they'll be a part of me ♪
♪ On expensive rugs, I spill Chardonnay ♪
♪ My initial script in cursive ♪
♪ On the headrest of the bass target seat ♪
♪ Better maintain low tones when you talking to me ♪
♪ Around to get your sea bass smothered ♪
♪ I'll choke it the (beep) out like I'm a D-ass brother ♪
♪ Then I'll jump back in the sports car ♪
♪ Bumping heavy D's, I'm very me ♪
♪ Look at Brian just smoking (beep) under the cherry tree ♪
♪ It's him, baby ♪
- All right, well, on today's episode,
we're off to a great start of 2022.
We've talked sports, we've talked fitness.
I think it's time to talk about cars,
and then we're gonna finish up the show with whiskey.
That's time crisis in 2022.
Sports, fitness, cars, and whiskey.
All right, guys, what cars are you looking forward to
in 2022?
- I mean, this is just very on brand for me,
but just, I'm honestly looking into like a new Honda Odyssey.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, I have a 2011 Honda Odyssey now.
I'm thinking about in the next year
buying a brand new Honda Odyssey.
But again, with the supply chain stuff, it's expensive.
So I might wait another year.
- And you better put your order in now.
- Yeah.
- Can't you get a good deal?
'Cause people always say,
as soon as a car drives off the lot, it's worth 50%.
So how come people don't just go hang out
at car dealerships and wait for one to drive off the lot
and go up to them and say, excuse me,
I'd like to buy your Odyssey, I've got cash.
I think legally they have to give it to you.
They drove it off the lot.
I'll give you exactly 50%.
- Sounds like a deal to me.
- I think it's like with elections,
you have to be like 50 yards away.
But still, once they're off the lot,
if you can flag them down, you get that car for half off.
- What do you love about the Odyssey in particular
that you're gonna wanna double up?
- I would sell the old one, obviously,
but I love the carrying capacity.
Whether that's, you have the bench seat in the back,
you could easily carry eight adults,
which I've done numerous times,
or you can take all the seats out
and you can slide like a four by eight sheet
of plywood or drywall in there.
I schlep a lot of lumber and stuff around, sometimes art.
It's basically like having a pickup truck,
but it's much more flexible in its usage.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- That's a great van.
I mean, I don't know if we've talked about this on the show,
but that was the original Vampire Weekend van
was a Honda Odyssey.
- Right, I remember.
- We did multiple full US tours in that,
put thousands of miles on it.
That's a good car.
- Did you guys have a tour manager
or was it just the four of you plus gear?
- No, that was four of us plus gear, early days.
Actually, that makes me wonder.
I feel like sometimes when I look at,
I love that we're actually talking about cars now.
Self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sometimes when I look at like new cars,
I'm like shocked by like consumer design
has gotten debatably better in a lot of fields.
Like today, if you wanted to, you know,
buy some stuff for your kitchen or buy some clothes
and you didn't want to look like a total dweeb,
you would have some options, you know,
like in regular stuff.
You know, computers and phones arguably look like
pretty good these days.
There's every time I go check in on some car
and I see like, what does the 2022 this or that look like?
I'm always like, this is disgusting.
Cars look like (beep)
That's what I want to say about cars in 2022.
They look like (beep) folks.
What happened to car design?
And this is true across the board.
Like even like fancy cars, looking at some new fancy cars,
they look like dog (beep)
and I'm actually looking at a 2022 Honda Odyssey.
It looks terrible.
I'm sorry to say that is not an attractive car.
The old ones look way better.
Am I just being an old head here?
- No, I don't like that swoop.
There's like, if you notice in the two sliding doors,
in the driver's side door,
then the sliding door in back of it,
there's that weird swoop.
Looks terrible.
- I was so excited about the new Bronco.
I was like, oh, this is going to be great.
And they (beep) it up.
It's same thing, weird round edges.
It's just like, I don't know.
It's like looking like a Lego car or something.
- It's a real bummer.
- Did you guys see that Hyundai Heritage Series
Grandeur EV concept car?
(laughing)
- What?
(laughing)
- That was making the rounds.
- Wait, is this something you actually knew about
or did you just Google like 2022 car stuff?
- No, this was popping about a month,
month and a half ago.
- Wait, okay, hold on.
Slowly say what it is again.
It's a Hyundai.
- Yeah, it's the Hyundai Heritage Series
Grandeur EV concept car.
It's not on the market.
It could be.
There was a lot of hype over this one.
I texted a picture 'cause essentially
it looks like Hyundai has thrown it back
to their 80s kind of box.
- Oh, wow.
- Whoa, okay.
- Yeah, this made waves.
- This is fascinating.
To all of our listeners,
this is actually worth looking up.
This is interesting.
- Yeah, it really is.
- It's beautiful, right?
- It's sort of like when Doritos will do
like the throwback 1970s packaging.
- Yeah. - Yeah, that's right.
- They're just going full 70s in the body of the car.
- It's like Daft Punk designed it with the lights.
It has like a little bit of slickness.
Okay, that's interesting.
So this is a concept.
They just dropped the concept and it's debatable
if they'll ever make it.
- Yeah, I feel like most,
I don't know much about this,
but I feel like most concept cars
don't actually get produced,
but this one seems pretty practical.
Like it seems like they could make this car
if they really wanted to.
This is how cars should look, I feel.
This is, they should take it back to the 80s.
- I'm very interested. - Oh, the interior.
Dude, the interior is rough.
- Uh-oh.
- I mean, the interior that I'm seeing
was pretty Daft Punk.
- The seats are weird.
Anyway, this is terrible radio.
We gotta pivot off of this.
- You listen to the new "Time Crisis",
they spent 20 minutes describing a car.
That's what people come to us for.
One thing that just popped into my head,
'cause as soon as I saw this Hyundai Heritage Grandeur
EV concept car, I said,
"This looks like a grandpa car."
And I remember being a kid
and my grandpa had a grandpa car
and it was an Oldsmobile.
And in my childish brain,
picture being five or six years old,
and I guess this is kind of true.
I just assumed that Oldsmobiles were cars for old people.
And that's why they were called that.
Like they were literally,
I guess like a jitterbug is a phone for an old person.
I really thought that Oldsmobile were cars for old people.
What do Oldsmobiles look like in 2022?
Do they even still make them?
- Guys, we gotta get off this.
- Okay, let's get onto whiskey.
What?
(laughing)
What whiskey are you looking forward to?
- That Bob Dylan one.
- Oh yeah, okay, actually, see?
I knew we were onto something.
We actually didn't talk about this.
We had a time crisis holiday party,
the end of the year,
had some great Italian food.
Thank you, Apple.
And Seinfeld, on the show, he's a number crunch guy,
but in our social life, he's our liquor guy, actually.
When we're hanging out socially,
Seinfeld's, he's not crunching numbers.
He's busting out liquor.
He's the liquor man.
When you have a party,
he sounds kind of like a mild-mannered guy on the radio,
on the internet radio,
but when you have a party,
Seinfeld has shown up with the hard stuff.
And at our year-end party, Seinfeld came through,
and as always, he brought the liquor.
And he brought two bottles of the hard stuff.
One was Bob Dylan's whiskey.
- Yeah, Heaven's Door is what it's called.
Pretty good.
Yeah, it was fine.
- Yeah, we actually, we all, we drank it.
It was pretty good.
One point that I made,
which we had an interesting discussion about
at the holiday party was,
I always understood the song,
Knocking on Heaven's Door,
is about a dying cop.
Just 'cause he says, "Take this badge off of me,
I can't use it anymore."
So I always assumed the protagonist of,
or the main character of Knocking on Heaven's Door
is a cop who's been shot, and he's bleeding out.
- It's like a sheriff in the Old West or something.
- Yeah, it's probably a sheriff in the Old West,
but I don't know if there's anything about that song
that's specifically Old West.
So it also could just be a cop anywhere.
- Matt, throw that on.
- Bob Dylan version or Guns N' Roses?
- Dylan.
(laughing)
(soft music)
- From the Pulitzer Prize winning lyricist, Bob Dylan,
comes a whiskey so smooth.
- Definitely Sam Elliott voicing that ad.
- Oh yeah.
- Wait, Nobel Prize?
Yeah, Nobel.
- Oh, Nobel?
He probably won a Pulitzer Prize too.
♪ I can't use it anymore ♪
- Wait, so what's the first line?
- "Mama, take this badge from me, I can't use it anymore."
- So he's still, he's alive, he can't use it.
He's getting old.
♪ I feel I'm knocking on heaven's door ♪
- His eyesight's going, he's too old.
- Oh, so you don't think he's bleeding out?
He's just like--
- He's just like, "Take this badge from me,
I can't use it anymore.
It's getting dark, too dark to see."
- Either way, it's such a maudlin way
to talk about your liquor.
It's so sad.
I mean--
- When you retire from the force,
there's only one thing you should be drinking at your party.
- Dude.
- Bob Dylan's Heaven's Door Whiskey.
- Whiskey's a sad-ass drink, dude.
That's a downer drink.
- Yeah, kind of.
I mean, I feel like--
- We have a good time drinking it.
- Sure, of course.
♪ I can't shoot them anymore ♪
- "Mama, put my guns in the ground,
I can't shoot them anymore."
♪ That long black cloud is coming down ♪
- "That long black cloud is coming down."
♪ I feel I'm knocking on heaven's door ♪
- He hasn't been shot.
He's just an old guy, he's dying.
He's like Tommy Lee Jones
at the end of "No Country for Old Men."
He's just like, "I don't get this world."
- He's like, so he's got like one foot in the grave.
- Yeah.
- I see what you're saying, though.
Tequila is like his upbeat.
- Upper, yeah.
- Yeah, Bob Dylan's Heaven's Door Tequila.
- No.
- A beautiful song.
That's the whole song.
- He did one.
He won a Pulitzer, by the way.
- Hard fade.
- 2008, he won a Pulitzer as well.
- And then the Nobel.
- Nobel.
- Yeah.
- Well, it was a great drink.
And then what was the other bottle you brought, Seinfeld?
It was pretty rough stuff, as I remember.
- Yeah, so that was--
- I wanna be clear, no one tasted it.
- We didn't crack it.
- That's right.
- We didn't crack it.
It's actually still sitting on my back porch.
- I gotta say, I feel a little bit badly.
I feel like I left something undesirable at your home,
and I apologize for that.
It was Florida Georgia Wines.
- Yeah, actually, I'm pretty sure
I was out there with Rashida sometime
in the past two weeks, and I was like,
"Oh, check that out.
That's Florida Georgia Wines whiskey."
And she was like, "Okay, ew."
- Cool.
- Yeah, I should've taken it back with me,
but maybe it'll be a nice regift for somebody.
- But hold on, it's not just whiskey.
Isn't it like a peach-flavored?
- Yeah.
- It's basically Southern Comfort, which is--
- Yeah, that was a good comparison.
- But I got a question.
What is Southern Comfort?
- It's like very, very sweet bourbon, I think.
I think it's a whiskey.
- But bourbon is a whiskey.
- But one time I bought a bottle of Southern Comfort
by accident 'cause I was broke,
and I wanted to buy some whiskey,
and I bought the cheapest (beep) there was,
and I didn't realize it was Southern.
I didn't realize that Southern Comfort
was actually a flavored whiskey.
- It's a fruit-flavored whiskey.
It's like syrupy.
- I took one swig, I spit it out,
I just dumped the entire thing down the drain
'cause it was so gnarly.
I mean, yeah, Southern Comfort is like--
- I basically did that
with the Florida Georgia Wines whiskey.
- You thought it was nasty?
- I mean, I have my own bottle.
- Okay.
- Which I sold to Thread that was gifted to me
by the Florida Georgia Wine in a time that I met them,
and I was pretty excited about it.
But it was in the back of my liquor cabinet,
and at one point I saw it six months later,
and I was like, "Ooh, I'll try this."
And I had a sip of it,
and it's the worst thing I've ever tasted.
I mean, I really hate saying exactly
what you think these are great guys.
- You're saying they're great guys, bad whiskey.
GGBW.
- Yeah, but there's gotta be an audience for this, right?
It's like going and getting a--
- What's so much about expectation too?
Sounds like in both your guys' cases,
you were looking for a whiskey flavor.
You probably wanted scotch or something,
but instead it was fruit flavored.
- Peach flavored.
- How about a-- - Specifically.
- How about like a fun modern country song
that's like, "Fruit flavored whiskey!"
(laughing)
♪ Jenny on a damp damp ♪
It's like, I don't even know what the song's about,
but it's like, there's different occasions
for different types of whiskey.
Like, or it's like when you're partying with this person
or with your boys and it's like a real fun night,
it's like, "Don't need no scotch."
Don't need no-- - With your boys?
(laughing)
- If you bust out the-- - ♪ Fruit flavored whiskey ♪
♪ Da da da da da ♪ - No, man.
♪ Gonna have some fun ♪
♪ Da da da da da ♪
♪ Fruit flavored whiskey ♪
♪ You can keep your scotch ♪
(laughing)
Wait, what are different types of whiskey?
I'm really bad at this.
There's scotch, there's Irish whiskey,
there's Tennessee whiskey.
- There's like bourbon and scotch.
Those are the two main branches as far as I understand.
- There's rye whiskey. - Oh yeah, rye.
- We can get into this just how,
but they're all just, I think, how you barrel it, right?
It's sort of, and where they come from, whether it's--
- Let's not get into the origins of--
- But I'm saying it's like all the same.
It's all the same--
- I gotta keep us moving here.
(laughing)
- I wanna read you, I wanna just read you from the website
how they talk about these whiskies.
- Ah, yeah, break it down for us.
What kind of wood are they using on those barrels?
- It's called Old Camp.
I'm just gonna give you, this is more color,
but I do think that it captures what they're trying to do.
- Old Camp whiskey. - Tyler and BK
from Florida Georgia Line have pushed the envelope
on this one, taking inspiration from their innovative fusion
of country rock, hip hop, and pop
to create a whiskey that's truly unique.
Old Camp is a peach pecan, easy drinking, it is not,
easy drinking whiskey that doesn't sacrifice anything
to be smooth.
We say, whatever you do, never go in alone
and always do it right.
That's how they talk about it.
- Wait a second, wait a second.
They missed an amazing opportunity, peach pecan.
It should have been peach orange
'cause peaches come from Georgia
and oranges come from Florida.
- That sounds even nastier though.
- Fruit flavored whiskey.
How about this like--
- They're pushing the envelope with the peach whiskey.
We're all, you know, we're so fired up.
- Okay, let's just do-- - We're so fired up about this.
- How about just orange peach smoothies?
- And we're just yelling over each other.
(laughing)
- Everybody knows on "Time Crisis,"
we kind of dip your toes,
we always kick it off with sports talk, dip our toes,
and then we get into fitness, you know, a lot,
there's a lot of, we have a lot of common ground.
It's very respectful.
But then once we get into cars and whiskey in hour two,
things get a little bit-- - Gloves come off.
- Gloves come off.
The boys get a little spicy in hour two
and we hit the cars and whiskey section of TC.
Wait, how about this,
back to the fruit flavored whiskey song.
How about this as a conceit?
'Cause actually, Jake, I want you to go away and write this.
Over the course of the night,
you got different times for different types of whiskey.
Maybe around 2 a.m., you and your buddy go sit
at one of those frosted glass outdoor tables
and you're having a late night heart to heart.
You're gonna be wanting to share a scotch.
- Yeah. - You know, maybe,
when the party's just kind of peaking at like 11 p.m.,
things are really getting kind of lit,
that's when you want some Jack Daniels.
But when it's the beginning of the night
and you just wanna get things moving to start,
fruit flavored whiskey.
And that could be, it's like you always kick it off
with fruit flavored whiskey.
- Or it's a breakfast whiskey.
(laughing)
- Oh yeah, like, we had a wild night last night,
kicked it off with some Jack, yeah.
We partied all night long.
By 4 a.m., me and Jake were sipping scotch by the lake.
I was down by the lake, sipping scotch with Jake.
Yeah, we took it all the way last night.
And then it's like, we roll out of bed, hung over his phone,
walked down to the breakfast table.
And we're like, what's gonna pair
with pancakes and waffles?
Fruit flavored whiskey.
It's 8.15 Sunday morning, but the party doesn't stop.
Fruit flavored whiskey.
- No, hell no.
It is a breakfast whiskey.
- I gotta say, I like the orange peach whiskey pitch.
And I feel like there's a great,
yeah, and there's a great like 90s style commercial
where like one of the FGL guys is like on one side
of the Florida Georgia line and the other guy's the other.
And it's like, in Florida,
we make our whiskey with oranges, you know what I mean?
Except we're really putting it down.
(laughing)
In Georgia, we make it with peach,
and then they're like, peach, orange, you know what I mean?
And then somehow the two collide,
maybe in the altercation ensues.
And then they taste it, and they're like,
you know what I mean?
- Yeah, then Ross Perot comes out.
- Irish guy.
(laughing)
- Down in Florida, we like our fruit flavored whiskey
to have some of our famous oranges.
(laughing)
Yeah, and then in Georgia,
we prefer a little peach with our fruit flavored whiskey.
Orange, peach, orange, peach, and then like, yeah.
- Some little kid or something is like,
hey, why don't you mix them?
Yeah, or something like that, or grandma.
- Then there's just like some guy in the background
be like, why do you have to have fruit flavored whiskey,
period, shut up.
I'm gonna do some more research
about fruit flavored whiskey.
- I just want to read this review on the internet
about Old Camp whiskey, it's pretty good.
My first impression was, huh?
That's not terrible though.
Second impression was that I'll never drink this straight.
Though it's possible application in cocktails
could be a good thing, especially in small doses.
It could also be useful in the kitchen
as an ingredient to a vinaigrette or some kind of sauce,
maybe even a glaze on a pork chop.
So yeah, not terrible.
- Okay.
- Something that you would drink
or just glaze a pork chop in.
(laughing)
What's the diff?
- Either way.
- All good.
- I want a whiskey that I can drink
or glaze a pork chop with.
- That person's really trying to make it work.
Did he say also in small doses?
- Yeah, really emphasize that.
- Sounds like somebody who has some buyer's remorse
who's just trying to--
- What do people do is Southern Comfort?
Is there like a famous mixed drink
that involves Southern Comfort?
- That's a good question.
I mean, I don't understand.
I was shocked that that was a product on the market.
- I feel it's like a big, like when you start drinking,
you know what I mean?
- I think it's like 17 year old girls.
It's like candy.
- Oh, there's a drink called the SoCo Cola,
which is Southern Comfort and Coke or Pepsi
served in a highball glass.
- Oh, it's also a whiskey liqueur,
naturally fruit flavored whiskey liqueur
with fruit and spice accents.
The brand was originally created by bartender
Martin Heron in New Orleans in 1874.
Damn.
- It's also the main ingredient in the Alabama Slamma,
which I know because of that amazing moment in "Cocktail"
when Tom Cruise gets up on the bar
and delivers his big poem, like his big soliloquy.
And I just always remember going,
"The Alabama Slamma."
It's a great scene that all of you should definitely look up
but it's a main, yeah.
- I'm just looking, do you drink Southern Comfort straight?
- They have a branded eggnog.
- Fruit flavored whiskey.
(mimics music)
All right, well, I think that about does it.
We covered the big four,
so I guess we could wrap up early today
and we'll be back in two weeks.
Oh, I forgot we gotta do the top five.
- It's time for the top five.
- Five on iTunes.
- So today we're doing the top five cars
everybody's looking forward to in 2022.
If you said anything already in the previous segment,
you can't reuse it, but we're gonna go around.
So hopefully we're gonna get 20 different cars
if each guy has a different top five.
Seinfeld, we're starting with you.
Just kidding, for this week's top five,
we're comparing the top five songs of today
with the top five songs this week in 1990.
Why 1990?
Seinfeld?
- Oh, that's the year Chet Hanks was born.
- Perfect, 1990, just a classic random year.
I'm actually very curious to see what's in there.
I've always considered like '89 to '91 was such like a,
it was basically still the '80s.
It was like the hot, you know,
the late, late '80s, 1990 to '91.
Okay, so the top five song this week in 1990,
Linda Ronstadt featuring Aaron Neville, "Don't Know Much."
♪ Look at this face ♪
♪ I know the years are showing ♪
♪ Look at this life ♪
♪ I still don't know where it's going ♪
- Aaron Neville has a cool voice.
- Yeah. - I like his voice.
♪ I don't know much ♪
♪ But I know I love you ♪
- Oh wait, have we heard this before?
- I mean, I know this song.
- Yeah, I thought I didn't, now I do.
- Yeah, you know it.
It is a bunch of versions.
Bette Miller did one.
- Oh yeah, Barry Mann.
♪ They've never seen it matter ♪
♪ Look at these dreams ♪
♪ So big and so far ♪
- I wonder if this is Linda Ronstadt's last top five.
- Hmm, that's a good guess.
- I was looking up Aaron Neville just now
and it says Aaron Joseph Neville's
a retired R&B and soul vocalist.
You don't see that often, retired.
- Yeah. - Right.
Why do you retire?
Just sick of it? - Respect.
- What if it was like Aaron Neville's a retired R&B singer
and a current rock singer?
(laughing)
♪ I've never broken through the loop ♪
♪ And when I feel you near me ♪
♪ Sometimes I see so clearly ♪
♪ The only truth I've ever known ♪
♪ Me and you ♪
♪ Look at this man ♪
♪ So blessed with inspiration ♪
- This could be like 1981.
- Yeah, totally.
- I'm kind of surprised this is popping off this hard in 1990.
- Still the 80s.
♪ I know I love you ♪
- I love this song, it's a great hook, that chorus.
- It is a good song, yeah.
- It's really funny, he doesn't really have a reason
for retiring, it says that he's retired via social media.
He announced at age 80 that he's officially retired
from touring.
- I mean, Bob Seger retired.
- Right.
- Gene Hackman retired, like 10, 15 years ago.
- Daniel Day-Lewis, we look at Daniel Day-Lewis
as Wikipedia, does it say, is a retired actor?
- Retired actor, and contemporary cobbler.
- Cobbler.
- It does, he's listed as retired.
- Does it mention that he's a cobbler?
- How old is Daniel Day-Lewis?
- Anybody who doesn't know, he did take some time off
to learn how to make leather shoes in Italy.
- Does Daniel Day-Lewis do theater, or he's just no acting?
- He's 64 years old, his last theatrical production
was in '89, Hamlet, according to Wikipedia.
- Wow.
- I mean, yeah, it would be pretty lame
if it said Daniel Day-Lewis is a retired actor
who occasionally does theater.
- Right, I don't know, yeah, it's just fascinating.
- He's retired.
- Until we bring him back for the Grateful Dead.
- Right, until he plays Dick LaValle.
- Marty's getting on the phone with him.
Did we talk about the fact that he was retired
when we did that bit?
- I think so. - I think so.
- Oh yeah.
- Oh, no, we did.
He'd be coming out of retirement just to play Dick LaValle.
I caught a little bit of Space Jam on TV the other day.
I turned it on right when Michael Jordan is playing golf
with Bill Murray, Larry Bird, and Newman from Seinfeld,
and he gets sucked into the, whatever they call it,
the cartoon world, the Negaverse.
And I forgot that this was like,
the movie was made around the time
that he left basketball to play baseball.
So there's a part where the Bugs Bunny and all them
are saying, "Oh, you gotta help us."
And he says, "Guys, I don't play basketball anymore."
I don't know if he uses the word retired,
but he says, "I don't do that anymore."
And they're like, "Yeah, right."
So maybe somebody could make a Space Jam.
This could be an interesting loophole
to get Daniel Day-Lewis back into acting.
And he could still respect the retirement,
but it's a movie where basically he gets sucked
into the Warner Brothers universe
and they need him to act because otherwise
they'll be forced into slavery.
That was something that also shocked me,
is in Space Jam, they very specifically say,
this would not happen in 2022,
they specifically say, "Michael, if you don't help us,
"these evil aliens are gonna force us into slavery."
(laughing)
And he's just like, and Michael Jordan's like,
"No, no, no, come on, guys, I can't get involved."
They're just like, "Come on, he's gonna make us slaves."
- Wow.
- I mean, can't you just picture, I see the scene.
Cab drops him off on a cobble road
and they just sort of make their way
and they see Daniel Day-Lewis cobbling shoes
in sort of a small town like Siena.
And you have to come back to acting.
- Oh no, I'm retired.
I couldn't possibly.
Martin Scorsese's standing, pulls up in a car, gets out,
and he's kind of cartoonishly holding the door closed.
It's bumping behind him and he's just like,
"Hey, Daniel, you gotta listen to me.
"Some friends of mine really need your help."
And Daniel's just like, "I'm sorry, Martin,
"I couldn't possibly."
And the door busts open.
It's (beep) that big Southern chicken, Bugs Bunny.
What's the guy with the guns?
Buffalo Bill?
- Oh, you're 70 Sam.
- What's the big chicken called?
- Foghorn. - Foghorn, yeah.
- Foghorn Leghorn. - Foghorn Leghorn.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- I do declare.
- I do declare, Mr. Day-Lewis, you must,
you simply must come back with us
and come out of retirement.
- Gentlemen.
- That Martin Scorsese's friends are the Looney Tunes.
(laughing)
- Gentlemen, I am a cobbler.
- Yeah, right.
- And then just like in "Space Jam,"
then he takes pity on Tweety Bird
and it's like he does some amazing acting.
He's holding Tweety Bird, he's just like,
"Mr. Day-Lewis, please."
Is that what he said?
Tweety Bird's like, "Mr. Day-Lewis,
"would you please be in the movie?
"We're gonna be murdered."
- Bats his eyelashes.
- The aliens are gonna murder us.
All right, Tweety Bird.
- Gabby Doug's like, "I knew he wouldn't do it
"and just spitting all over Daniel Day-Lewis
"in his cartoon spit."
- I told you he had no empathy.
- Oh, there's gotta be a drink your milkshake.
Like who's like, you know what I mean?
Like some sort of gag.
Like Bugs Bunny's like, "Nah, I drank your milkshake."
Or whatever, something like that.
- Daniel Day-Lewis holding like
a big cartoon milkshake and Bugs Bunny
pulls out like a 10-foot straw and is like,
(slurping)
"Eh, eh, eh, sorry, Daniel, I drank your milkshake."
(laughing)
All right, Space Jam 3, we figured it out.
Not only, and legally, legally and ethically,
this is the only way that Daniel Day-Lewis can act
after announcing his retirement.
It's a Space Jam paradox
that once you announce your retirement,
the only way you can still engage in your craft
is through a Space Jam situation.
Otherwise, you're a phony.
Speaking of Warner Brothers,
did you guys watch The Matrix, the new Matrix?
Funny chance?
- Rough stuff.
- Oh, yeah.
- Super rough.
- I slogged through about two thirds of it.
- The whole scene with like Keanu Reeves being like,
"For Warner Brothers to..."
(laughing)
To like, you know what I mean?
The very first commentary was like,
"Oh, I don't want to..."
Anyway, it was bad.
- It would have been better
if they just made that a Space Jam 3.
- Totally.
- Where they actually suck Keanu Reeves
out of our universe into the Matrix universe.
- That'd be great.
Daniel Day-Lewis is a retired actor
currently in production on Space Jam 3.
Well, hold on, retired actor currently in production,
it's the Space Jam paradox.
Wrap your head around it.
It actually makes perfect sense.
- Separate Wikipedia link for Space Jam paradox.
- The Space Jam...
Yeah, Daniel Day-Lewis is a retired actor
who, due to the Space Jam paradox hyperlink,
is currently in production on a film, Space Jam 3.
The number five song.
We all right, we got to pick up the pace on the top five.
- I just want to say without the Space Jam paradox,
Daniel Day-Lewis is a retired actor
who's come out of retirement to be in Space Jam.
(laughing)
Yeah, that's sick.
That's the only way to do it.
- Space Jam 3.
Oh God, actually, I really, I would love to watch that.
I'm kind of sad that that's not real.
- It could be called A New Day.
- Space Jam 3, A New Day?
- Yeah.
- Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson.
- Now you're talking.
- This is the first Paul Thomas Anderson film
that's a sequel to a preexisting franchise,
but insiders say PTA is planning on putting his spin on it.
Okay, the number five song right now.
So 1990 was the Baby Hanks era,
and now we're in the Hanks Fit era.
SZA, I Hate You.
So this is a song that she put on SoundCloud
in August, 2021.
Oh, interesting.
And then her astrologist convinced her
to give them a proper release.
Well, her astrologist, I mean, obviously,
she has some kind of insight into the way things work.
Her astrologist made a pretty good call
'cause it's the number five song on the charts.
♪ I'm young, driven 'bout your whereabouts ♪
♪ I can't keep no conflict with you ♪
♪ Why can't we just rub it out ♪
♪ I don't want no sanity with you ♪
♪ You know your mom's nuggin' ♪
♪ I can't shake this habit, no ♪
♪ I've been down, baby ♪
♪ Heavy reminiscin' ♪
♪ Baby, I've been missing you ♪
♪ Wish it was different than what it was ♪
♪ I've been down, baby ♪
- Guys, I'm sorry to go back to the Mooney Tunes thing,
but in the version we just described,
PTA, Paul Thomas Anderson is directing Space Jam 3
where Martin Scorsese is the director
that gets out, you know, he's directing Scorsese
getting out of the car being like, "I'm directing."
I mean, it's amazing. - That's right.
- It's amazing.
- Well, 'cause directors don't actually get an opportunity
to work together that often unless they cast each other.
So Space Jam 3 might be the only way
that PTA and Scorsese get to work together
and Daniel Day-Lewis can legally act again.
It's the only way.
♪ Now I'm at your wallet with you ♪
♪ Now I'm at your silent treatment ♪
♪ That mean no permission ♪
♪ Missionary gettin' boring ♪
♪ Can't reach positions ♪
♪ Hard to say your song ♪
♪ You don't ever listen, no, no ♪
♪ I've been down, baby ♪
♪ Heavy reminiscence ♪
♪ Heavy on the missing you ♪
♪ Wish it was different than what it was ♪
♪ I've been down, baby ♪
- Okay, let's keep moving.
Number four song in 1990, Michael Bolton,
"How Am I Supposed to Live Without You."
Very adult contemporary so far in the baby steps era.
- This is a massive power ballad here.
You know this one?
- I know, right?
- I mean, I keep thinking of,
♪ How do I live without you ♪
But that's a different song.
♪ I couldn't really believe it ♪
♪ When I heard the news today ♪
♪ I had to come and get it straight from you ♪
- I'm glad to see Connecticut get some love here.
- Connecticut pulling its weight.
♪ From the look upon your face ♪
♪ I see it's true ♪
♪ So tell me all about it ♪
♪ Tell me about the plans you're making ♪
- Have we ever listened to Michael Bolton on this show?
I feel like this is a new voice for us.
- We've talked about him in the context
of being one of Connecticut's greatest musicians.
♪ Supposed to live ♪
- Okay, yeah.
- This is the most Eileen's Car (beep) ever.
- Right, deeply Eileen's Car.
- Interesting that it was originally intended
for air supply.
- Oh.
- I can hear that.
- Laura Branigan released a version.
♪ How do I live without you ♪
♪ And how am I supposed to carry on ♪
♪ When all that I've been living for is gone ♪
♪ Too proud for crying ♪
♪ Didn't come here to break down ♪
♪ It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end ♪
♪ And how can I blame you ♪
♪ When I built my world around ♪
♪ The hope that one day ♪
♪ We'd be so much more than friends ♪
♪ I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming ♪
♪ Even now it's more than I can take ♪
- All right, let's keep moving.
It's the number four song in the Hank's Fit era, 2021.
I don't know this artist,
so I might not know how to pronounce this correctly.
It's Mooney Long or Muney Long?
- Money Long.
- Oh, it could be Money Long.
Sometimes people say that.
It's spelled M-U-N-I.
So I don't know if it means money
or like short for municipal
or maybe it's just something else.
The person's real name--
- Municipal Long, dude.
- Municipal Longitude.
The artist's real name is Priscilla Hamilton.
The singer-songwriter has written songs
for Rihanna, Fifth Harmony, Pitbull.
Oh, that's always interesting
when somebody who's like behind the scenes,
like a big songwriter steps out with their own thing.
So the song is called "Hours and Hours"
and it became a hit on TikTok.
There's an hours and hours challenge.
♪ I don't usually do this but ♪
♪ Can I say it to you ♪
♪ Yours, mine, ours ♪
♪ I could do this for hours ♪
♪ Sit and talk to you for hours ♪
♪ I wanna give you your flowers ♪
♪ And some champagne showers ♪
♪ Or the shrimp and lobster towers ♪
- Ooh, shrimp and lobster towers?
Okay.
- Sign me up.
- If I had to take a guess,
I would bet the part that went popular on TikTok
was just the talking open.
- No, you're wrong, Nick.
Actually, the part that went viral on TikTok
was the shrimp and lobster towers
and basically people would try to one-up each other,
kind of posing next to really big shrimp and lobster towers.
- Increasingly large lobster towers.
- I think basically somebody comes out in some sweatpants,
standing next to an empty tower
and then they snap their fingers
and the tower's full of shrimp and lobster
and they're kind of glammed up.
That was the challenge.
All sorts of different people participated in it.
Channing Tatum, former president, George W. Bush.
- Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen
actually teamed up and did their own.
(laughing)
- Obama and Springsteen came up just looking all messy,
wearing sweatpants, disgusting, next to an empty tower,
and then they snapped together.
They're wearing tuxedos
and the tower was full of shrimp and lobster.
- 10,000 shrimp.
I'm kind of feeling this song.
- It's a good song, yeah.
a love like this a love like ours
i pray upon it on my knees every night for some hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours
i could do this for hours and hours and hours i could do this for hours and hours and hours
what's yours is mine and ours
okay let's keep moving the number three song back in 90. okay finally we're done with the adult
contemporary technotronic pump up the jam classic oh my god this song was featured in space jam
and in space jam a new legacy lil uzi vert recorded a new version so who are we gonna get to record a
version for space jam 3 a new day bruce springsteen
this is a great song matt suggested aaron lewis
get your booty on the floor tonight make my day this song has so many hooks yeah this is a great song
make my day
wait okay i'm sorry we got to listen to the lil uzi version
can we find it from the space jam sequel
mr dave lewis
do it for my fans all i see is flashing cams yeah doing what i want you only doing what you can
i'm never out of space i don't even think that i'm gonna land yeah pump up the jam got the world in my
hand pump up the jam that was all in the plan pump up the jam shoot the j on your man swish
finger roll jelly like jam hey how i end up in space jam hey i like that's pretty meta how'd i
end up in space jam i can hear daniel day lewis saying that right now how did i end up in space
jam
wait seinfeld did you see space jam a new legacy i did yeah i watched on hbo max a new legacy it
sounds like a like star wars movie wasn't there i mean the first space jam was pretty brazen it was
kind of ahead of its time just to already just be like they were talking about like content and ip
in a way that was like already kind of ahead of its time just like we're in the warner brothers
universe and my understanding was that in space jam a new legacy they opened up the warner brothers
universe even more is like batman in it or like they went beyond the bugs bunny universe
rick and morty's in it warner brothers owns adult swim at the time at&t owned warner brothers
cartoon network turner networks all of it and now that's all owned by discovery so it's all under
this sort of monolith well so they're using adult swim stuff in space jam a new legacy
is like eric andre in it xavier renegade angel xavier xavier makes an appearance like
xavier renegade angel what are you doing here i could ask you the same question lebron james
all right wait who else is in it seinfeld you got you got uh characters from clockwork orange
were seen in a in a crowd scene during one of the games what austin powers characters and dr evil
um there's also uh characters from casablanca mad max fury road like they went uh they went
wide with it wow no pb herman huh no no peewee they might not even need daniel day lewis's
permission they might already own some of his classic characters for all we know his character
from last mohicans oh yeah he has to face off with his own character i mean the script writes itself
the number three song in the hanks fit era 2022 still tearing up the charts adele with easy on me
oh interesting there's a duet version of easy on me featuring chris stapleton that was included on
the target and japanese edition of 30 which is the name of the album i could picture his voice
sounding really good on this that i've been washing my hands in forever i know there is hope
in these waters but i can't bring myself to swim when i am drowning in this silence baby let me
go easy on me baby i was still a child didn't get the chance to
it's a good song great chorus yeah great chorus like i think i said this before like
it really reminds me of like journey oh yeah totally that song like faithfully yeah thrown
faithfully it's interesting this i'm just reading this is like it's written to her son to listen to
in in the future oh her son angelo oh because to explain the divorce right yeah and she's like
saying she's basically saying to her son go easy on me i know you're gonna be you're pissed that
or maybe you'll be resentful that like your dad and i got divorced but like oh that's kind of deep
yeah kind of is she's like go easy on me dude i love this song
restless hearts
is
no place to start a family this is like the opposite song yeah he's saying i'm a road dog
um
loving a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be i'm gonna drop that line sometimes
honestly the adele song there's so many moments i mean admirable restraint they could have kicked
in some drums oh for sure and just a ripping guitar solo yeah
do you think adele knows this song of course i mean adele's a little a little bit younger
she's english you don't think these songs were hits in england but in like before her time
i mean i'm 50 50 i'm not i'm not saying i know if she's listening to like yeah i mean i know
this song because of like classic rock radio you know like i wasn't like listening to journey
records in 1983 did we lose ezra no i'm here can you see me can you hear me are you guys there can
you hear me i can hear you hear me okay i can't hear him i can't hear me you're andre oh wait i
can i can hear you that's right i don't know i can't is he in space jam did he get space jammed
oh no i got space jammed he's in a megaverse
are you guys there good song yes hey i don't hear ezra for some reason
ezra are you there yeah i'm here man this is a great part of this song i think this makes no
sense i can hear you other guys matt can i hear you talk can you hear me yeah i can hear you
jay can't hear me we really got space jammed all right and we just see on the
feed martin square as he walks in right behind him
oh yeah that part's killer when he goes i'm still yours
just imagine adele doing press and and somebody's like so i heard that the song was about your
divorce and and you wanting to give a heartfelt message to your son and adele's like i don't know
who told you that no no i was just listening to faithfully by journey and i was just like i want
to do a song like this no no it's not personal at all i have literally no emotional connection
to this song whatsoever oh i could have sworn that i i maybe my notes are incorrect i swear
this is about your divorce no mate it's not that deep i was listening to journey and i want to
write it like a song like that oh my god creep creepy my divorce shut the [ __ ] up who you're
gonna ask me about my this is why i don't like to do press damn i think jake i thought jake got
space jam now yeah jake got fully space jam didn't you see i was saying martin square says he walked
in right behind him on the shoulder and he disappeared he's offline it's just an offline
babs bunny walked into the room and jake went said awuga his eyes jumped out of his head his
heart started like beating out of his chest in a heart shape now i'm back okay i can hear you but
i can't see you all right can you hear me jake yeah i can hear you um what the hell that was
very dramatic well anyway but jake how good is the part at the end of that song where he goes
you know like he really belts at the end yeah beautiful song you're right that's a great great
song faithfully oh yeah we were arguing whether adele knew the song whatever let's we can move
on but we actually looked it up jake it actually turns out that she's a huge fan of that song and
that was her primary inspiration for writing easy on me and she really resents the fact that people
think it's about her divorce and she finds it creepy that people kind of like reading into
her personal life she's on record as saying it's really not that deep yeah she said it's really
not that deep i was listening to classic rock radio and i heard faithfully by journey and i
said i want to write a song like this um the number stop being weird that adds up everybody
stop being weird stop asking her about her divorce the number two song in 1990 janet jackson rhythm
nation you're a big janet jackson fan right jake i wouldn't say that maybe dave is is like dave
really my brother he's huge jenna jackson
pretty rocking with that weird guitar
do you think like trent resner was really into janet jackson that's such a good call dude yeah
that was so nine inch nails that intro yeah i bet he wasn't though that's the funny thing
i mean he was like he's like a funky dude like i feel like he's like a huge prince fan
yeah he's like i hear zero funk in nine inch nails
oh
that's a real heavy one isn't it wait what was what was like nine chanel's first hit
i was thinking um or even just the intro to um closer oh yeah definitely similar intro
oh come on this is so janet jackson yeah no you're right
no i mean the question is is he a fan of janet jackson or is this like
convergent evolution pretty hate machine came out like right almost at the exact same time as that
song oh really so that was you know she had albums before them yeah for sure
i didn't know those bands i like tried to like when i was in high school i tried to like nine
inch nails too i can't believe anyone took this music seriously it's so bad oh what i wasn't
going there no no i wasn't going there i'm fully gone oh my god they don't have any good songs
you don't think this is good no
i hate the production what about that song that johnny cash covered it's okay wow not an ninfant
so
definitely listened to the downward spiral a lot though like 1994 so you liked it at the time
you're just trying i didn't like it i was trying to they had great graphic design the nin
yeah
wait for me
i like your whole package of soul i'd rather die than give you control
i like your whole package of soul i'd rather die than give you control
i mean i gotta process this that jake hates nine inch nails hate them
all right we're gonna have to talk about this on a future rep all right let's keep moving on
nine inch nails deep dive i mean i think i like nine inch nails i always really respected them
i think i like nine inch nails i mean i definitely remember and i only said that i was like tried to
get into them and couldn't i just felt like i wasn't like a real fan i was like they're cool
because i just remember like other kids at school being into nine inch nails oh yeah yeah i remember
my friend willie rogers had this like a nine inch nails t-shirt the one that was just like this
coiled piece of rope on it just all like the visual it was so like intense and weird
yeah i just don't like the like humorless like dour like serious like dark energy vibe and it's
like it doesn't really rock it's not fun it's like not actually disturbing or like i don't know i
just i just thought they were just so kind of middle of the road and lame is just somewhere
halfway between janet jackson and tool and tool both of whom you love mix them together
you're kind of a no man's land but that that really is they really are janet jackson meets
tool do you like trent resner's soundtrack work with atticus ross it's very innocuous i guess it's
fine does he do all the fincher stuff right yeah i mean i like some fincher movies i like zodiac
really that's i don't think he's the one he did most recently he did social network the album
yeah have you jammed the halsey album jake haven't jammed it well maybe you might like it because it
takes some of that uh janet jackson meets tool vibes but takes it back to the the female singer
kind of pop r&b side where it belongs the kid leroy and justin beaver stay all right i don't
even want to hear this one we've talked about enough cool that was the number two song of this
era okay number one songs now we're on to the number one songs of both 1990 and 2021 this week
in 1990 phil collins with another day in paradise this was the number one song on the charts
this is a song about homelessness yep
do you know that song i'm not totally sure
whoa david crosby sings backing vocals on the song that's sick
weird intro just like oh yeah i know this i know this yeah you know
do
she calls out to the man on the street sir can you help me
it's cold and i know where to school there's somewhere you can tell me
he walks on doesn't look back i remember watching this video on mtv when i was 13
what's the video like is it just about like is it literal yeah if i remember correctly
i remember hearing the song through the television i actually don't remember the visuals of the video
i'm surprised this is 1990 if you just played this for me i would guess like 83 yeah
it's a cool song vibey i remember when i was 13 just being like not liking the earnest message
i mean it doesn't exactly sound like it but it makes me think of uh
a friend of the show bruce hornsby and uh yes the way it is just kind of like
sophisticated adult pop music from this era that's like about social issues yep i thought of that too
did phil collins retire not exactly but does he still play shows my understanding i just
that he's genesis is playing shows but he's like either in a wheelchair or has to sit down
but he had like some serious physical issues like back problems is he playing drums no i think he's
just singing and i talked to some people that like he was just like in chicago playing and i
know some genesis heads who were out there and they said it's yeah he's definitely not retired
so sorry it's not easy so they're playing is peter gabriel genesis like on these new shows
it's peter gabriel phil collins no this is like 80s lineup 80s reunion okay they're not doing
stuff from like the early 70s you can tell from the lines on her face you can see that she's been
there probably been moved on from every place cause she didn't fit in there
oh think twice it's another day for you and me in paradise oh think twice it's just another day
for you and me it looks like they're on a farewell tour right now that started in september
he's been singing from a chair yeah and they gotta be doing phil collins solo material too
i'm assuming i'd like to catch one of those shows it's funny it's like if you're a real big genesis
head i don't think it's the 80s stuff that is uh getting you fired up you know like in terms of
like the real like record store like jack black style guys high fidelity they want lamb lies down
on broadway prog yeah i think a lot of people love collins era genesis too i mean i love it
dude in too deep that song is amazing a lot of great songs yeah i wonder if there are people
who are just so into like collins era genesis but they don't want to hear the solo material
seinfeld can you pull up a genesis setlist i mean are they at least dropping like in the air tonight
they gotta be now now let's get a number crunch brought to you by seinfeld 2000
so i got a set list here from november 2021 where was the show uh it was in
chicago okay no this is my this has to be the one my friend was that no in the air tonight
what are they playing what was there some solo material it doesn't seem like it they've got i
can't dance as their first encore ouch i mean that's that's one of their biggest songs terrible
uh i don't know a lot of behind the lines turn it on again mama land of confusion home by the sea
but second home by the sea any of these ringing a bell land of confusion yeah yeah
kind of confusion is big man no in the air tonight that's did they play invisible touch
yes that's the last song before they do an invisible touch before they do the encore
did they play in too deep it doesn't seem like it did they play throwing it all away
uh the show rules yes they do have throwing it all away okay maybe tony banks and mike rutherford
said phil no solo material wait so they don't play like like one more night or any of the big
phil hits that's crazy it is crazy you know what maybe phil didn't want to actually i could see
that because clearly phil's very loyal to tony and mike even at the height of his success his
solo success he would still get back with genesis to drop albums so i could imagine maybe even
tony and mike are like phil let's drop in some of the solo material that people are going to eat it
up and phil's like no guys this is about us this is about the genesis legacy no one there tonight
i like this version where they're asking to the band's asking to perform his solo material and
he's like no no guys this is about the band never him being like guys what if we just tonight we
just do it i don't think phil collins is like that he's remember that story that we talked about on
the show once about that he he felt very disrespected by paul mccartney because oh yeah he wanted to get
his his book or a record signed by paul and apparently paul said oh look we've got phil's
a little beetle maniac you know what paul said he said look it's your big day out oh it's phil
instead of two nil on your big day out he wrote to phil on your big day out
that kind of reminds me of a song i've been working on goes like this something like this
to phil on your big day out to phil on your big day out get the [ __ ] out of here and then when
he looks at the signature when he looks at what's been written on his outage says you bill
to phil on your big day out all right the number one song it's an interesting contrast number one
in 1990 phil collins another day in paradise number one in 2021 kodak black with super gremlin
oh this is number one on apple music
and i'll bet the reason that it's the number one song is that there's a big football player who
and matt knows this that all he tweeted was super gremlin when he came like basically like i forget
matt you know the story or but there's a football player who used this song title
antonio brown the tampa bay buccaneers because he left the game what happened
antonio brown left during the third quarter of the tampa bay bucks new york jets game just took
his uniform off walked out of the field why uh it came out today that he said he was injured and
they tried to make him go in but nobody knew he was injured antonio brown has a history of being a
weirdo so who knows what he's a super gremlin he's a super gremlin so he just bounced mid-game
and threw this aren't the jets really bad yes you better keep your distance because it's not safe
for you you switch like a [ __ ] to loop track hard with the kids snatch off from the bitch when i
slide nightlight on the blick bet i'm on my side so them ran down call them pants down
does he say super gremlin in the song yeah he says yeah he says i'm a gremlin it's something
there's like all this is like how insane kodak is like there's a line like i ate all the perks
even though i knew they were fake or something i'm a i'm a super gremlin what's the origin of
the word gremlin weren't they like little demons that sabotage planes in world war ii
son but give me a number crunch i don't know that story uh yes yeah the concept of gremlins
was popularized during world war ii popularized among airmen of the uk's raf units gremlins were
a form of buck passing or deflecting blame oh yeah there's all sorts of cool like world war
ii era art with gremlins damn i need you tripping we could have been superstars help you now i'm
reminiscing remember we were jacking cars now you better keep your distance because it's not safe
track hard with the kids snatch off on the bitch when i slide nightlight on the blick
that i'm on my when i'm outside so they don't ran down call them pants down
i knew the perfect fate but i still ate it because i'm a gremlin because i'm a gremlin
i ain't slamming i'm grabbing anywhere you put it i'm super gremlin snatching grab
sneaking game
all right kodak black always delivers does he i think so all right i mean every time i hear
kodak blacks i've always i don't really keep up but always seems pretty good to me i don't know
why he's shouting out the little demons who sabotaged the the allied forces during world
war ii it's kind of problematic but has the royal air force responded on twitter yet
no clapbacks raf official at kodak black keep talking that [ __ ] all right prayers up for
antonio brown i hope your injury heals up quickly as you guys know i'm a massive new york giants fan
we've had a terrible season there's a lot of fan anger at uh coach joe judge i've been texting
about it with my sports thread with a ct and baio we're all giants fans and um we really feel like
joe judge has disrespected not only the fans but the whole organization and we hope he's fired soon
but i'm a nice guy so i hope he gets a great job somewhere else just far away from uh the new york
giants organization is it giants or jets antonio brown was was playing against the jets but i'm i'm
a new york giants fan so that's why i'm speaking about joe judge all right copy that this is why
you're not on the his sports thread yeah yeah my bad were you giants fan jake or you're jets fan
um are you a pats fan connecticut can go either way 49ers dude because of joe montana joe montana
is the coolest name ever i can't believe that's his real name yeah i can't disagree with you i
mean he was born to be a quarterback is joe montana like but he's like italian american
is montana like an italian name de montana or is it spanish like tony montana dude it's like
and does montana mean mountain his name is joe mountain but what's his background is he like
spanish this is a cool rabbit hole to go down at the very end of the show italian he's italian
he's italian okay like albacena tony montana is not italian he's cuban i don't want to get it all
right guys um all right thank you for tuning into another episode of time crisis we'll see in two
weeks peace time crisis with ezra koenig
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