Episode 47: Live Concerts & TV Jingles
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Transcript
Transcript
Five. Five dollar. Five dollar footlong. Today on Time Crisis we talk Subway,
their sandwiches, and their advertising. We also open up the fan mailbag and
count down the hits of 1983 and today. All this plus a very special TV theme
song from the 80s. This is Time Crisis with Ezra King.
Three beats. One. One.
Time Crisis. Crunchy edition. I'm in the studio eating some flaming hot Fritos.
Now every time we come in there's just different weird snacks. Jake's here too.
What's up dude? By crunchy I thought you meant hippie. Oh no it's like it's funny
it's the opposite of hippie. Yeah exactly. What are you munching on over there? A
modello and some ruffles cheddar and sour cream. Are those good? Eh. A little heavy on the
sour cream. Yeah. Like the fake artificial chemical sour cream flavor. Mmm. I never
eat chips. Yeah so I eat chips every two weeks. Yeah me too. Actually was like
pretty healthy today until now. What'd you eat? I went to the gym in the morning
and then I had a coconut based protein shake. What else was in that? It's very
simple because. Did you make it? No. No. I can't believe. Absolutely not. Of course not.
Sometimes I work out with the trainer. Yeah. Because I'm really trying to get
diesel. Taking it to the next level and I don't know nothing about nothing so I'd
always leave and be like so I should I have like protein after this? Yeah man you
gotta have protein. Then I would go to just like a random smoothie place and
like let me get the protein crunch whatever. With the muscle milk? I would
just get something off the menu that sounded good and then I was telling him
about it and he's like bro you do not need all that junk. He's like next time
you go to the place and you tell them you grab the expensive coconut water and
you say mix this with ice chocolate protein and a banana that's it. And then
I started doing it and it definitely felt lighter and also like the smoothie
place that I go to it's like all these just diesel dudes. It's a really I always
feel like a little embarrassed going in there like. Like there's a lot of powders?
A lot of powder yeah all sorts of weird powders. There's one time when when the
guy was like do you want to add some glucosamine or something he's like you
can add one scoop of something else too and I was like $1.29 dude and he was like
really it's free and I was like I'm good and he was just like you don't want some
glucosamine. I don't even remember what it was. So I don't know what I'm doing but I
will say this so then I started going in there and I ordered this kind of like
off-menu thing over and over again and eventually one of the dudes real diesel
dude mm-hmm they all wear a matching polos which I love. Real diesel dude matching
polos ring me up one day he's like I guess they started to recognize me
because I just come in I became a regular. Like what twice three times a
week? Yeah probably like average of twice a week and when the guy said to me like
you know man I've been drinking your smoothie lately and I was like what and
he's like you always come in here order that coconut one I tried it and it was
it was pretty good and I was like oh man I was like well you know first of all
thank you. I was like oh man this dude told me to try it that's I don't have
any idea what I'm doing I was like but you found it was good and he's like yeah
and I was like all right cool guess I'm on the right path. That needs to be on
the menu board Ezra's. I want like a signed headshot of you eight and a half
by eleven glossy black. Just full body shot? Yep. In a tank top? Maybe VW shows next year
tank top dude. I've thought about it because really well it gets so hot on
stage you know like the clothes that I like the most I like sweaters long pants
right but back in the day I used to try to go out on stage in a sweater even no
almost no matter where you're playing unless you're playing outside in the
winter you get hot so quickly yeah so then I don't know like you know ideally
if you could actually put together an outfit with like a tank top shorts
socks and socks? Uh. As I sit in my b-boy stance. With flip flops and socks and sweat pants. I'm finna enhance your brain. Check it out. Once upon a time not long ago when
the player from the point didn't have no flow. He hit me from my tennis shoes walking through the snow caught up in the slipping. But now I link it to the flow just like
Marvin. Cause I got the heat in my blimmin mama name and I never
bragging just to say nah even when I was a young lad I learned my lesson never talk to strangers in the trap and ask them questions. The Pope and his folks got us under the
scope but for unknown reasons cause we don't sell dope that you distribute we don't contribute to your clandestine activity my
soliloquy may be hard for some to swallow but so is Carl Everor. You went behind my back like Ludo when he cut up all the poor. Two things I hate lies and things that make my
blood pour. But we're constricted on my soul that they call the
wheels of steel. That show me how you feel. That's right the wheels of steel. That show me how you feel.
It took your mama nine months to make it but it only took a 30 minutes to take it. Cut that croak clean up I did but I did so now safely. Don't want no A's no claps or no raise. We
take no shit like I'm stocked up Camo's. Gotta collect all that unlocked up my votes. Low blow hit me in the left ventricle. We won't be able to ride out to 2004. But not for
long cause we got a better sack to serve. Trying to take your other people for your rims. Hit your curve for your swerve and bust your forehead. Go ahead go ahead.
Mo'head for me while you ride to the beat. Draw like tears like the beers. You know shout shout let it all out just for my peers and pupils who feel like it's time to unwind
like December 31st 1995.
I gotta tell you I came in here wearing some socks and sandals and Jake immediately said stocks and socks. Yeah. What is the stocks referred to? Birkenstock. Oh. Okay.
That's like a real 90s look like. Stocks and stocks.
I remember seeing this video of pavement playing a record in-store show in like 93 and Spiral Stairs is wearing stocks Birkenstocks and socks and shorts. And I was like
that was kind of my look when I was like 15. And I was like this is amazing. You have nice. Yeah I have these like hipster Japanese Tiva-esque things.
Picture that with like kind of. Yeah Birkenstocks. Like leather. Right. That's weird. With like a white athletic sock. Yeah that that's that's a rough look. That's
tough. Although you could wear that with slides. You know like those like Adidas slides. Mm-mm.
This is what people call those like the flip-flop with just like one large thing across the. Okay. Shower sandals. Didn't know that was the term. A lot of slides. Yeah. A
lot of people wear those with socks. So yeah you with stocks and socks shorts and a tank tank top. I would love that. To not have to worry about it.
Protein shake on stage. Do some push-ups on stage. It's really hard to like. Just go full Andrew W.K. slash Glenn Danzig. Like if you got super yoked that'd be such a
weird. I don't think I can get yoked. No I don't think you can either. I don't think you have the genetic like it's just not who you are. It'd be tough. To get yoked. Like I
couldn't get yoked either.
You know most people so many people who are yoked also take like human growth hormone or steroids. Can you imagine. That might be what I have to do. That would be crazy if
you did that. I might be stronger than I've ever been in my life. Dude. I don't know. I don't know if I'm dude. When we were at RALs like last week. Yeah. Two weeks ago. You
did like three or four pull ups. And you realize that's an incredibly low number to like. No no no. For a gym rat. But no no. Yeah. But I don't think. I was fully extending.
No dude. You were doing like balls to the wall pull ups. I can't do that.
I could do one maybe. Pull ups are hard. A true pull up all the way down all the way up is hard. Not to be confused with a what chin ups. Oh wait what's the difference. When
you're. So pull up is when your palms are facing. When your palms are facing out. Yeah. That's truly hard. That's harder. Much harder. Okay so chin up. That's what you
were doing. I think we were doing. Maybe I was doing a chin up. Oh chin up is palms out. Pull up is palms out.
Or maybe it's palms facing towards your face. I don't remember if I was doing the easy one or the hard one. I don't know. Fitness is important man.
Everyone's feeling pretty.
Gets hot third in July.
Though the world's full of problems. They couldn't touch us even if they tried.
From the park I hear rhythms. Molly's heart's on the books. Tonight there will be a party.
On the corner at the end of the block. Didn't know you. We'll be jamming until the break of dawn.
See nobody ever told you that you. We'll be jamming until the break of dawn.
We'll be jamming and jamming and jamming and jamming.
They want us to join the fighting. But our answer today is to let all our worries like a breeze through our fingers slip away.
Peace has come through Zimbabwe. Third world's right on the one. Now's the time for celebration.
Cause we only just begun. Didn't know you. We'll be jamming until the break of dawn.
See nobody ever told you that you. We'll be jamming until the break of dawn.
See nobody ever told you that you. We'll be jamming until the break of dawn.
I know nobody told you that you. We'll be jamming until the break of dawn.
So we've got a hell of a show today man. What's on tap? Seinfeld 2000 has been hooking us up with
the craziest guests. We got everybody from Kazzy David, Jonathan Wolfe. Jonathan Wolfe, composer
of the Seinfeld theme. He got the guys, the composer and the ad man behind the five dollar foot long jingle.
I'm not familiar with that. You know that jingle? I don't know it. Catchy as hell. You familiar with
the restaurant chain Subway? Oh yeah. Okay so they- Found it in 1965 in New Haven, Connecticut.
Oh really? It's from Connecticut? It's actually the largest chain in the world. It's there's more-
It beat McDonald's. Yeah because the overhead is way lower. Oh nice. You know to open a McDonald's
probably costs like a million dollars. Five. Five dollar foot long. Oh you remember this song? No. Five.
Who is this reminding me of? Beach Boys. It reminds me- Yeah kind of a weird chord change. But it also has a
little like a British thing. Makes me think of like some late blur. Like coffee and tv era blur.
Anyway we're gonna so we're gonna talk to those guys but we we need to get talk to Seinfeld first
because so you were really excited about um- Wait what? Yeah why? Because well Seinfeld- Oh boy. No no first of all
this is weeks ago Seinfeld was like really psyched about this. He's like I might have a connection to
the guys who wrote the five dollar foot long song. We're like that's amazing let's make it happen.
And then just a couple days ago because he's a big Subway supporter. A couple days ago you you get
some weird news about the Subway chain and specifically their advertising. Yeah I don't- Do you
guys watch the show a Good Day LA? It's like the morning show. It's the Fox morning show. Nope. Okay
well in the mornings you know I'll watch a little morning tv you know it's you know my news or
whatever. Yeah. And the commercials come on and you know it's your average Subway commercial with the
whatever the hell the teriyaki chicken or whatever they're they're hawking. With Fogel right? No no he's
he's in prison. Jared Fogel. Okay yeah no he's he's done. When you say Subway and advertising it
it's like conjures the worst association possible. Yeah it's gonna take decades for them to shake.
They've had a rough few years. Yeah Fogel's gonna be hard to shake. Anyway whatever I'm like not
you know I'm on my phone whatever it's like in the background and then in the last like 10 seconds
I'm hearing the Curb Your Enthusiasm music in the Subway ad and it's not they're not doing there's
no Larry David integration there's no reference to any there's no zooms it's not it's just straight
up it's just like so this is just a Subway ad and you just hear bum bum bum ba da da da da. Yeah
just kind of rolling. Can we listen to an example? Hey look it's everyone's favorite the six dollar
Subway close. Hey look it's everyone's favorite the six dollar sweet onion chicken teriyaki. I
was right about the teriyaki. Advertising. They're footlongs and they're six bucks each. Subway so
much sandwich. I mean that's that's messed up. That's brutal. Right well okay so first of all
that's really weird. Yeah I've known for a while that the Curb Your Enthusiasm music is library
music meaning that like right anybody who makes a tv show or movie they usually pay a fee to be
members of a music library because you know you're you're editing together a tv show every time you
want to get some music you don't necessarily want to like have a composer right do it from scratch
so as we know from talking to Jonathan Wolfe composer of the Seinfeld theme song uh Jonathan
Wolfe was out of the game he didn't want to score Curb. Larry was very upset by this and said you
know what I don't want you to score it anyway and he just ended up using library music so that means
that that music you couldn't just go throw the Seinfeld theme in something because you would need
um Steve Bannon's permission or whoever owns Seinfeld but that's library music so anybody can
use that so Seinfeld what Subway's doing it's legal man it's to the letter of the law it's
legal straight up it's disrespectful isn't it I mean once a piece of music gets so associated with
a certain thing and then of course and the Curb is coming back in October okay these guys right so
the timing is yeah it's sus it's very sus stealing the thunder anyway stealing valor
how do you feel about that Jake what do you think yeah I mean it's obviously a pathetic attempt to
you know leech on to Curb yeah if you don't know Curb and you hear the music it's sort of
innocuous music right you wouldn't even notice it but then for the percentage of the population that
knows Curb and loves Curb I don't know what they're hoping that maybe there's some sort of
subconscious reaction where you're sort of like you feel warmth towards Subway because you what
I think so I don't know what they're going for Subway's always portrayed themselves as like
being like slightly ironic really I think Subway's always like portrayed themselves having a sense of
humor but the Fogel campaign was like very sincere like this man lost 300 pounds but even that wasn't
it wasn't there something a little funny about the way they portrayed it I think that was very sincere
very aspirational I'm just saying like McDonald's will do commercials where it's like McDonald's
this is where the only place your family actually loves each other you know okay well so anyway
we're going to talk to these guys from Subway first and foremost I don't want to be like gotcha
by bringing up the Curb thing we're going to start out by showing them respect and talking about the
five dollar footlong jingle coming up after this we're going to get Jimmy Harnett and Jerry Cronin
the guys behind the five dollar footlong song on the phone
I seen your picture
Your name in lines above it
This is your big debut
It's like a dream come true
So won't you smile for the camera
I know they're gonna love it
I like your picture
I keep it with your letter
Done up in blueprint blue
It sure looks good on you
And when you smile for the camera
I know I love you better
Hey, it will come back to me
Hey, it will come back to me
Oh, the shutter buzz, you'll see it all
The music, it's your favorite foreign movie
Five, five dollar, five dollar footlong
Five, five dollar, five dollar footlong
It's good, good coming true
Subway, home of the famous five dollar footlong like our fresh toasted black forest ham with
cheese and our newest five dollar footlong the fresh delicious chicken pizzaiola five
dollar footlongs all day every day
Now let's go to the time crisis hotline
Hey Jimmy and Jerry
Hi
Hey there
Hey, how you doing fellas? Thanks for calling in a time crisis
How's it going?
No problem
Not bad, we've just been talking about the famous five dollar footlong jingle
So Jimmy, you're the one who actually composed this
That's right
Jerry, you're kind of like the ad man behind it, like how do you guys link up?
We always liked Jimmy and his company and Ray and all those guys and we had music we
often used them because they always did a good job, simple as that and they're nice people
Jerry, you're the guy at the advertising agency
so Subway comes to you and they just say we've got this five dollar footlong promotion
what do you got for us?
Yeah it was kind of, you know, Subway, they don't own any restaurants everything's
franchised out and some guy in Florida had an idea for selling all the subs at five bucks
and he coined the name five dollar footlong
so I mean that was, you know, including all the research and
the sales, it just caught on for some reason so we had to create a series of ads for it
it was, you know, it became a full billion dollar brand, just grew huge
but so we had to do some ads for it and so we had music, I mean the direction was pretty open
it was just because the name had such power, at least I thought it did
so we asked Jimmy and the guys to, you know, can you do something that's meant as a name
five dollar footlong as many times as possible
that was kind of the direction they had to go from
So Jimmy, do you remember when you got hit up by Jerry and the crew?
Did you get any other direction in terms of tone or vibe?
Jerry really said that we should sing it as many times as we can in 30 seconds before
the announcer comes in and other than that his directive was really just make it cool
I think one reason why people remember that jingle is because there's a haunting quality
about it because it has this, the chords are kind of unusual, it's kind of minor key and sad
Is that fair to say, guys?
Yeah, it's actually, it's actually, it's in C and I'm playing C major and then I go to A flat
which is
Out of the key
But they're both major chords but because of the way they interact it sounds kind of
a little bit metal-y, I guess, the way the melody goes down
But they're actually are, they're kind of major chords, they're just like
major chords you don't normally put together
Yeah, exactly, I think because they're going out of the key when you go to the A flat
to me it creates a kind of melancholic feeling
Yeah
They're like kinks or nirvana or something
Yeah, I mean, so did you have like, yeah, to me, we were talking about it, to us
it had a very British feel, like this bittersweet British sound
We were throwing out like the kinks, blur
Did you have any specific influences when you were working on it?
Not really, but I mean the Ray Davies thing for sure
but it wasn't like I was listening to the kinks that morning or anything but
I'm an acoustic guitar player and I just was working out the, I was trying to work out the
vocal harmonies on an acoustic guitar and it just seemed like just having mostly acoustic and
harmonies together would be kind of a cool sound
So Jerry, do you remember when you first heard Jimmy's demo?
Yeah, if I remember right, Jimmy, you had like five, six or eight of them even, didn't you?
Yeah, we made a whole bunch of them, we made, yeah, six or seven of them anyway and I think
there were a couple that we were, you guys were liking and we, you know, took a little
while to narrow it down
I think there was a couple we liked and we liked a lot more and everyone liked it to be honest
You know, the thing that happened after was all the people started, you know, on YouTube,
you know, creating their own versions of the music and re-recording it and,
you know, it just kind of took off that way too
It kind of went viral at a time, like this is very, this was 2008, right?
This is kind of like right at the cusp of when in advertising everybody started talking
about going viral and you guys just kind of happened to do it naturally with a catchy
piece of music
Yeah, I mean, it wasn't that we, you know, orchestrated it,
excuse me, not to be a pun, but, you know, just people started really liking the song
despite the fact that it was for a $5 sandwich, they just really liked it and doing their
own versions and trying it different ways
There was dance versions, there was all kinds
Did you guys find Death Metal Guy?
With the fingers back there?
No, is there a Death Metal version of it?
And he does like, he didn't even, I didn't listen to the song well enough to know the
right chords, he just kind of made up his own chords
If you can find Death Metal Guy, he was my favorite
I will definitely check that out
When you guys are working on this, you're putting all this work into the $5 Footlong
song, I mean, surely, somewhere in the back of your mind were you both thinking like,
we created this beautiful piece of music, but we know that we live in a society with
rampant inflation and these subs are not going to be $5 forever
Was that in the back of your mind?
No, it wasn't, because, I mean, you know, usually with a deal like that, you think it's
going to last, you know, three months or six months, it went for years, and it honestly
went to a $4 million brand, it's just, until they couldn't, you know, justify it because
of the rising cost of food, but, you know, I never thought it was going to last that
long, I don't think they did either, and it just kept going on, and, you know, they're
getting like, you know, 20% increases monthly, it just, it really took off
This was like a tremendous growth period for Subway?
Huge, huge growth period, it was, you know, they had a 20% monthly increase in the month
before, and the numbers, and it just, it took off, it became the brand
And wait, was, what was, was Jared around at that same period?
I don't remember, Jimmy, do you remember, he must have been in a couple scenes, wasn't
he?
I don't think he was in it, um, for the first couple of years, they might have, they
might have cut him in later on, but they seemed to like, it seemed mostly like you guys siloed
that work, like, Jared had his spots, and then the song stuff had its own spots, as
I remember
I feel like Jared was specifically marketing 6-inch subs, because his whole, like, aspirational
diet thing was based on, uh
Yeah, you can't eat a footlong if you're trying to lose weight
Yeah
No, I think, I think he was a footlong guy, well, that's like a terrible thing when you
talk about Jared being a footlong guy, but
I know, it's tough with Jared, yes
Did you ever meet Jared?
Yeah, we went out to dinner with him tons and tons of times
What was his vibe?
Nerdy
Yeah
And I hate to use the word, but kind of sweet and goofy, he was like a 420 pound kid from,
you know, we just never quite fit in, and all of a sudden took off because of some,
the sub thing
It's crazy
It's crazy
Back to the $5 footlongs, do you guys eat Subway?
Uh, yeah, no, I haven't eaten in a while, I'm trying to get away from bread, to be
honest
Fair enough, I think
Gluten free
Yeah, the whole world, that's definitely, see, we're curious about that, because Subway grew
like crazy since the period you're talking about, Jake was just telling me it's the number
one chain in the world, it beat McDonald's
It beats McDonald's a number of stores
Oh, a number of stores
Number of locations
Not revenue
No, not revenue, just number of stores, and you know, and McDonald's owns all this great
property, and a lot of Subways are in strip malls and so forth
Is Subway's tremendous growth period gonna slow down in this kind of anti-bread era?
I don't know where it is right now, but I know that after $5 footlong, that sales got
what they like to call flat, you know?
Right
It's hard to maintain that
Well, I just got a question for you guys, as people who are both parts of an iconic Subway
campaign, if Subway came to you and said, "Guys, sales are flattening, we're worried
they're gonna start going backwards because people hate bread, now, what can we do?"
What's the first thing that comes to you guys' mind?
Some people use the show, but Subway and ask them to pull out as much as the bread inside
the Subway, you know?
Oh, like scoop it out?
Scoop it out, and you know, there's some chains that, you know, instead of using bread, they just
wrap it all in lettuce and put it in kind of a packaging that makes it easy to devour
Like that, that's pretty smart actually, the lettuce
$5 lettuce wrap
That doesn't exactly roll off the tongue
Well, thanks so much guys, that was really fascinating, and hopefully you guys can call
in again, I'd love to pick your brain about some of the other big campaigns, because we
know, Jerry, you've worked on a lot of big ones, Miller, Nike
I'd love to, Jimmy, good talking to you
Yeah, you too, Jerry, thanks for having us, guys
All right, thanks, Jimmy and Jerry, appreciate it, have a good one, guys
Are there vocals?
There's no vocals?
What the hell?
So supposedly that's the, that's $5 footlong song from the metal guy
Is that titled Subway $5 footlong? $5 footlong commercial death metal style
That guy could have tried a little harder
Do you feel like a chain store?
Practically floored
One of many zeros
Kicked around four
Your ears are full but you're empty
Holding out your heart
To people who never really
Care how you are
So give me coffee and TV
Please, don't leave
I've seen so much, I'm going blind
And I'm playing dead virtually
The social thing I do
Is hard enough for me
Take me away from this big bad world
And agree to marry me
So we can start over again
Man, I love Jimmy and Jerry
I don't know, I still don't know how I feel about Subway
But they seem like good guys
They were real lukewarm in their love of Subway's food
You guys still eat there?
They're keeping it real
Tough times for Subway
So you really have no memory of that song?
No
Five, five dollar, five dollar foot long
Interesting song
C major to E flat major
Very Kurt Cobain
Five
Yeah, that could totally be a Nirvana unplugged song
Five, five dollar foot long
Hello my friend
Here's five dollar foot long
[Laughter]
Chris Namastallik acoustic bass
Dave Grohl with the brushes
Turtleneck
Five
I can't really do a good Kurt impression
If like Kurt had lived and then Nirvana
Five dollar foot long
That's not a good Kurt impression
If Nirvana had made it to the era of like no one cares about
if your band uses their songs in an ad or not
Right
Because they were so like punk OG
But if they just like had made it to like 2014 or whatever
Just like come as you are and like a Lexus ad
That'd be so crazy
[Humming]
Also like by like kind of the rules of today
Not only would Nirvana probably like license their music for commercials
There probably would be a commercial that Nirvana's in
Where there's like a kind of meta ironic thing
Where there's like the owner of Subway is like
Now Kurt
I believe he used to call people like me a corporate whores in the early 90s
And he's like yeah well I grew up man
He's like glad to hear it Kurt
You know there'd be like some ironic joke about like
Five dollar foot long
I could see the Flaming Lips doing a good Subway ad
Yeah they could do that song
They're like old school indie but like
Five dollar
Like ironic
Yeah
I think Ween did a Pizza Hut ad
That was
Really?
That was aborted
And it was just like
Cheese inside the crust
Cheese
Cheese inside the
It was just like a weird like Frank Zappa kind of thing
They missed the era
It's like once Tim and Eric started like making ads and directing ads
Then it's suddenly it's like cool to be make weirdo ads
Right
Like the advertisers want them
The brands want them
People want to do them
Great way to make money
Oh god Ween
Miss Opportunity
Queen's truly the band that could just crush a corporate
No if they were 15 years younger they'd be killing it
Quiznos hit up me and Jake man
We'll write a song for you
Absolutely
You got to compete
Now's the time to pounce
Subway is weak
Quiznos can come big
Anyway Jake do you know this song?
How about that intro?
Does the intro do anything to you?
Sounds cool
How about now?
I don't know it
Really?
This is cool
Sounds like the roaches
You know the roaches?
Oh yeah the roaches are cool
Like they're a jersey band right?
Yeah three jersey gals
I've heard of Reading Rainbow I don't know what it is
Isn't this like dope synth part?
Totally
I happened to come across this recently because I grew up watching this show
This was a PBS show
Like Sesame Street style?
Well yeah like a different format but it was about reading and books
And was hosted by LeVar Burton who is also
Oh Star Trek
Yeah he's Geordie on Star Trek
And I was just like really struck by like how dope the synth part is
Like if you just like loop that that could be like something
Post Bob O'Reilly
Yeah
Are you gonna like put some trap drums behind this?
It reminds me of like early 80s new age records too
Yeah
And then it gets kind of like
Like Steve Hillage
Rainbow Dome music
Some good players on this
Yeah
Like so much cooler than it needs to be
Who's singing?
I don't know
What year is this?
Probably late 80s
83
So vibey
I don't know why
The reason I came across that thing
I was just reading about Reading Rainbow
I just thought about it
Because I heard somebody use the phrase
Don't take my word for it
And that's what the the host would always say
He'd always like tell you why you should read a book or something
Go but don't take my word for it
Or something like that
And there'd be it was this funny part where like kids would do book reviews
Oh wow
Like so a kid would be like
It's a little bit like a Vanessa Bayer character from SNL
Where it's like be like a five-year-old who'd be like
The Hungry Caterpillar by la la la la la
In this book a caterpillar blah blah blah
But that's not all
La la la la la la
Because them the caterpillar blah
I read the book but my brother wanted to hear it twice
La la la la la
Check it out
Every episode would have like two like book reviews from kids
Wow
This week my favorite book is Vanity Hacks and Ams by Dr. Seuss
You know just like that kind of awkward child acting
Yeah
Half hour episodes
Like what would the episode be?
I don't know
I don't remember
Like alphabet stuff like Sesame Street style like A
There were a lot of different um
Yeah he would talk about books
They would do some outside the studio stuff
I don't know why I don't know this because I watched Sesame Street
Yeah you know honestly
If it debuted in 83 it's like right in my wheelhouse
This is what the kids would sound like on the show
How would you like a board game at home whose characters come to life?
Picture this
Rhinoceros is stampeding your living room
An eight foot python wrapped around your fireplace
Why not try Jumanji?
The kids are literally making a pitch for a book
Why not try Jumanji?
It's like the
You know what Vanessa Bear
You know what I'm talking about
I think I do yeah
She was great she recently left SNL but I thought she was so brilliant
Like she would do these characters on Weekend Update that often would be like
Like one was like a child actress and one was like a bar mitzvah boy who and they both
She nailed that kind of like funny like kid kid trying to like
Like trying so hard
Dad it's because it really is such a specific rhythm
And da na na na hi my name is da na na
The three bears
This is a story that everyone knows but it's told in a funny new way
This is a story that everyone
It's like it's the rhythm of children's TV
Kids like 10,000 years ago talked that way
Well no this is something this is not even how kids talk
I'm hungry
No this is how this is kids trying to be professional
So they're kind of doing a very it's not like a normal kid
Like normal kids are all like shy like little kids
But there must have been kids that were like performers
I don't know maybe like like young princes and princesses
Just that cadence
Father my name is Dan
Anyway so that's the show Reading Rainbow
It was it was about reading
♪ The switches on remedial ♪
♪ How could you see the difference when you and I ♪
♪ My crash course was much tough around ♪
♪ Friends who kill they friends, then hug their friends ♪
♪ Mother and Shaw back the funeral complete ♪
♪ With blank stares, invisible ink ♪
♪ I had to read things that wasn't there ♪
♪ Memories may sneak down my cheek ♪
♪ But I can see a side eye in my sleep ♪
♪ Ready for a deep breath, fill up the void ♪
♪ Eyes open 'em up, tick off the coins ♪
♪ Still stinging from tears that try to see you ♪
♪ I'm ready for earth, ready for real ♪
♪ Solitistic, admit it, I see you there ♪
♪ So it seems, so you seem ♪
♪ I can't tell if your image is just a flare ♪
♪ In my dreams, in my dreams ♪
♪ I sat down with Prince eye to eye ♪
♪ He told me his wishes before he died ♪
♪ Now Lala McMillan, he must've color blind ♪
♪ They only see green from them purple eyes ♪
♪ They eyes high, they eyes high ♪
♪ My eyes wide shut to all the lies ♪
♪ These industry n****s, they always been fishy ♪
♪ But they no biggie, yo, let me out, huh ♪
♪ This guy is slave on his face ♪
♪ You think he wanted the masters with his masters ♪
♪ You greedy b****s, I sold tickets to walk through his house ♪
♪ I'm surprised you ain't auctioned off the casket ♪
♪ Don't big bro me, don't big homie ♪
♪ I seen pure admiration become ripe ♪
♪ I been in Paris at least two times ♪
♪ I seen a eyeful, I seen a eyeful ♪
♪ Ready for a deep breath, fill up the void ♪
♪ Eyes open 'em up, check off the coins ♪
♪ Still stinging from tears, they try to seal ♪
♪ I'm ready for earth, ready for real ♪
♪ Silentistic, admit it, I see you there ♪
♪ So it seems, so you seem ♪
♪ I can't tell if your image is just a flare ♪
♪ In my dreams, in my dreams ♪
♪ Open like a touchwood, I'll be there ♪
♪ I been ready for this, I really feel ♪
♪ Open like a touchwood, I'll be there ♪
♪ Open like a touchwood, I'll be there ♪
♪ But you'll down and out ♪
♪ You don't stand a piece of this girl ♪
♪ I've seen you all laugh, and you'll laugh ♪
♪ No, and I'll keep you for a lifetime ♪
♪ With the fee side, with that lee side ♪
♪ Talking 'bout that lee side ♪
♪ You put that lee side, you put that lee side ♪
- Should we get into some listener emails?
- I'm in.
- First of all, I just wanna say
that Jake always forwards me the listener emails,
and even though we don't reference everyone on air--
- We read them all.
- We really do appreciate them all.
- Get like one or two a day.
- That's pretty good.
- Which is pretty solid.
- That's solid.
- Yeah.
- The Time Crisis fan base.
- Holding it down.
- It's holding it down.
- Time Crisis.
- This is an interesting one.
This one's from Adreja Chakrabarti.
Forgive me if I'm mispronouncing your name.
She writes, "Dear Mr. Longstreth,
"I like the formality.
"I deeply apologize for intruding
"what appears to be your business email,
"but after listening to a recent episode of Time Crisis,
"I feel this is worthy of sharing to you and Mr. Koenig.
"Also, this may provide some more youth input to the show,
"which seems to be something
"you guys have been looking for lately.
"My name is Adreja, and I'm a 17-year-old musician
"from Vancouver, Canada.
"To be specific, I live in a suburb
"of Metro Vancouver called Surrey,
"like Harry Potter's number four Privet Drive, Surrey."
That's interesting.
Vancouver's a cool town.
- Yeah.
- I feel like being from a suburb of Vancouver
is probably pretty cool.
- Shout out to Nick Kerkovich.
- Oh, Vancouver guy.
- Yep.
- "For the past few years,
"we've been hosting an EDM festival called Faded in the Park."
Great name.
- What does that even mean?
- Well, you know, like faded,
kind of like when you get faded,
it means like you're drunk or high.
- I know, but it's weird that there'd be a festival
that specifically condones--
- It's called like, also it's funny because like--
- Like, hammered.
- EDM festivals are always getting in so much trouble.
- Right.
- For people dying on drugs or alcohol or whatever.
So it's really funny just to basically call a festival
called like (beep) up in the park.
- Yeah, hammered on the highway.
- Yeah.
(laughing)
- AC/DC and White Snake touring, hammered on the highway.
- MDMA in the Bay.
(laughing)
- That's a Bay Area festival.
- Mali and Bali.
(laughing)
- So there's an EDM festival called Faded in the Park
and it's found its home in our beloved city.
Surrey has never been known for its music.
If we want to play at an open mic,
we need to trek out two hours to cooler places
like downtown Vancouver and Gastown.
- Well that's confusing.
- Okay, so I guess maybe--
- 'Cause she, wait, she says that--
- Well she says it's a suburb,
but she's a distant suburb, I guess.
- That's two hours.
- Well yeah, that's what it could be.
If that's the biggest city,
you might still call it a very distant suburb, I guess.
- Jeez.
- When commercial billboard charting artists
such as Drake, Justin Bieber, Rihanna come to our area,
they don't come to Surrey,
they come to Rogers Arena in Vancouver.
- Rogers Arena, pretty classy name.
- Yeah, Rogers is--
- Not exactly, you know, Office Depot Arena.
- Yeah, no, no, but first of all,
Rogers is like a cell phone company, right?
- Oh really?
Okay, well that's one of the names that just works.
- You know what, man?
You hear this old WASP-y name like Rogers,
and you're like, that sounds like a good man.
That's a good man.
- I'm not saying it's a good man.
What I'm saying is it's not egregiously some brutal brand.
Turns out it is.
But some names.
(laughing)
- Why, because an old WASP-y guy named Rogers
is so much classier than a young corporate chain
called Office Depot, man?
- What I'm saying is Rogers gives it room to breathe.
- Get on the mic!
- I just wanna say--
- We're letting Saifah do that on the mic more often.
- As a Canadian--
- I want you on the mic on the red.
- I appreciate that, look.
Just wanna put it out there as a Canadian
that Rogers is like the most awful company in Canada.
- What is it?
- It's a telecommunications company.
It's like Canada's AT&T, and it is like famously horrible.
Like their customer service, it's like across the board.
- Oh, wow.
- It's so horrible that they're out there
supporting arenas for you guys to see good music in.
- The thing about that arena is it used to be called
the Sky Dome, and it's associated with like--
- No, the Sky Dome's in Toronto.
- Yeah, that's what we're talking about.
- No, no, no, Vancouver.
- Oh, they have one too.
- No, first of all, that's just hilarious.
Rogers has so many tentacles all over
the fine country of Canada that it's like
Rogers Arena here, Rogers Arena there.
- Oh, I didn't even know that.
Oh, (beep) Rogers.
- That's even worse.
- Oh my gosh.
- I hate all Rogers.
- Okay, so I'm thinking about the Toronto,
I forgot about the Vancouver thing.
- Also, can I point out, Seinfeld 2000,
really dropping some biographical details here.
I think people would be surprised
to learn that you're Canadian.
- Wait a second.
- Hi, you know--
- Was the Sky Dome where the Blue Jays played?
- Yeah, it is.
- The Sky Dome, is it now called Rogers?
- It's called Rogers Center as of like--
- It's no longer called the Sky Dome?
- It hasn't, no, since like '04 or '05 or something.
- Okay, so Seinfeld, you're born and raised in Toronto.
- Not exactly.
- Okay, whatever, you're born and raised in--
- Eastern Canada.
- Eastern Canada.
And so for you, there's this iconic place, the Sky Dome,
you're a little kid and you're just like,
"Mommy, Daddy, one day I wanna go see
"the Blue Jays play at the Sky Dome."
And then you grow--
- Watch Kelly Gruber.
- And then you grow and every day,
you look at your (beep) Rogers phone,
you're like, "This service sucks."
The customer service is horrible.
- Why did they bill me twice this month?
- They're billing you twice,
they're probably not giving back enough taxes
to give you free healthcare and things like that.
And now they throw their name on your beloved Sky Dome.
Okay, I'm with you, that sucks.
- It's funny that a cell phone company's name
is just a name, Rogers.
We have T-Mobile, Sprint, Verizon.
- Yes, they've got your--
- Imagine if we just had like, Bob's.
Bob's Cellphones.
- It's Ted Rogers, the guy.
- You know, Ted Rogers.
It's even funnier though, okay, Rogers is his last name,
it's even funnier if you picture it being R-O-T-E-R,
apostrophe S.
Rogers Telecom.
Rogers speaking.
Founded at Edmonton in 1982.
Built it from the ground up.
♪ You used to call me on my cell phone ♪
♪ Late night when you need my love ♪
♪ Call me on my cell phone ♪
♪ Late night when you need my love ♪
♪ And I know when that hotline bling ♪
♪ That can only mean one thing ♪
♪ I know when that hotline bling ♪
♪ That can only mean one thing ♪
♪ Ever since I left the city you ♪
♪ Got a reputation for yourself now ♪
♪ Everybody knows and I feel left out ♪
♪ Girl you got me down, you got me stressed out ♪
♪ 'Cause ever since I left the city ♪
- You're listening to Time Crisis on Beast One.
- So back to this.
Okay, so this is pretty interesting.
I like this.
So she lives in Surrey,
two hours outside of the nearest city
and your city's Vancouver.
So she's a musician, she wants to go to open mic night.
She's jumping in the car for two hours
heading into the city.
And then so she wants to see Drake, Bieber, Rihanna.
She and her friends are driving
into Rogers Arena in Vancouver.
So that's pretty funny to live two hours outside of a city
and be into music and then suddenly,
just like out of nowhere, they're like,
"EDM festival Faded in the Park coming to Surrey."
That's pretty wild.
So anyway, I go on with her email.
Faded, as it is affectionately called,
takes place in a park across the Skytrain Station
where all the druggies hang out
and has been a running joke,
mainly because of its underwhelming/tasteless lineups
and frat-like atmosphere
in a Costco-loving soccer mom suburb like Surrey.
However, the tables have now turned.
This year, the Chainsmokers are headlining the festival.
It's understandable that the tasteful palette of '70s rock,
thank you, Jake,
may not resonate with a lot of today's youth,
but Faded is not a festival about bringing people together
for their love of any type of music, for that matter.
For example, I remember taking the Skytrain last year
and overhearing attendees talk
about how they have no idea who Zedd and Jack U are,
the headliners.
The Chainsmokers,
arguably the most popular mainstream artists of 2017,
are headlining a music festival five minutes from my house
where attendees care about anything but music.
What does this say about the current state
of mainstream pop music and its consumers?
Has it always been this way?
I.e., the most popular artists of the year
playing a music festival,
which has never, ever, ever been about music, like, at all.
I'm just putting this out there
and I don't know if you guys will ever read this,
but it'd be cool to know that you guys have.
Love from a fellow Time Crisis fan.
I just, like, love the image of just, like,
being in a small town, two hours outside of Vancouver,
and the Chainsmokers are gonna be playing, like,
five minutes from your house.
That just sounds like an '80s movie,
aside from the Chainsmokers.
Just like, man, so boring living in the suburb.
And then just, like, suddenly, it's like,
the town wins, like, a contest and they're like,
Van Halen's playing.
Van Halen's playing five minutes from my house.
Okay, so I guess she's saying--
People are there to party.
People are there to party.
They don't care about the Chainsmokers.
Which has been, like, a running question we've had.
Yeah, like, other real heads.
As much as we respect the Chainsmokers' artistry,
and they're huge, sometimes it's weird.
Sometimes these really, really big artists
just don't have dedicated fans.
Like, if they played, like, The Wiltern,
which is capacity, like, 2,500 or something,
they'd sell it out, but, like, what--
Could they sell the Staples Center?
You have to assume.
Imagine the Chainsmokers playing, like, The Troubadour.
Like, what would that vibe be?
It wouldn't make any sense for them to play The Troubadour.
It would make no sense.
I mean, you know, whatever.
Chainsmokers, headlining FYF.
They played SNL, you know,
they'd have some backing tracks and live people,
and the guy would sing.
It'd be fun.
Yeah.
Time Crisis with Ezra King.
Be-be-be-be-be-be-beats.
One.
So, Jake, obviously, this is not the same thing
as the Gigi's situation, 'cause you live in LA,
but how do you feel knowing that, over this weekend,
the Eagles and Fleetwood Mac
played five minutes from your house?
I feel surprisingly little about that.
Here's my vibe.
I don't like big shows.
Yeah.
The Roger Waters show was great.
'Cause it was a big spectacle?
It was fun.
Yeah.
The visuals were on point.
Just getting into that Roger Waters show
was such a nightmare.
If I was just like paying like 200 bucks to see the Eagles,
that's just not a good time.
That does not sound fun.
I know that some of the tickets for this Eagles,
and also like Earth, Wind, and Fire and the Doobies
were playing that night.
That sounds awful.
I mean, I really like some Eagles songs,
and I love Fleetwood Mac.
You wouldn't shell out $1,800?
(laughs)
For the weekend?
No.
I think, legitimately, I heard that--
That is so cheap.
I don't know if this is the average ticket price,
but I definitely heard that like certain tickets
were $950 for each night.
That's crazy.
I mean, most times when I see music,
especially in a big venue,
as soon as it starts, I'm like,
when is this gonna end?
Yeah.
It's like an endurance test.
I don't know.
I just, if I'm like 180 yards away,
and I'm just kind of looking at like the big Jumbotron,
it sucks.
Yeah, that's why you just gotta have a beer,
bring a vape pen or something.
And I'm not like, you know,
I don't worship Don Henley or,
I guess, Glenn Fyfe's dead.
Glenn will not be there.
Glenn's son.
It's just like, what is,
it just seems so depressing.
Yeah.
Like Glenn being dead and the Eagles carrying on.
It's very Eagles.
It's very--
On brand.
Yeah.
The brand must persevere, man.
That's right.
It's depressing.
♪ He hates you for a fool ♪
♪ He's only looking for a good time ♪
♪ How can he love you when he treats you mean and cruel ♪
♪ He's not the best thing that you could find ♪
♪ Is it true ♪
♪ I can't believe it ♪
♪ Is it true ♪
♪ I just can't see it ♪
♪ Is it true ♪
♪ Is that true ♪
♪ When we were young we didn't really ever care ♪
♪ You were hung up I had a good time ♪
♪ I never knew it then but man I was in love ♪
♪ How could I know it was the right time ♪
♪ Is it true ♪
♪ 'Cause that feeling ♪
♪ Is it true ♪
♪ You might believe it ♪
♪ Is it true ♪
♪ Don't wanna find out ♪
♪ Yes I was so wrong for leading you on ♪
♪ There wasn't much I could do ♪
♪ I was a wild one but I can change some ♪
♪ That's important to you ♪
♪ Is it true ♪
♪ You lost that feeling ♪
♪ Is it true ♪
♪ You might believe it ♪
♪ Is it true ♪
♪ Is it true ♪
- I got a question for you 'cause like I always felt,
you know, I told you as I'm making the record
increasingly I'm thinking about like shows.
- Yeah.
- Probably doing some shows next year.
And back in the day I always felt like
I'd been to so many boring shows.
- Yeah.
- That I was like I'd like to keep our sets concise.
- Yeah.
- But at the same time now I'm being like,
well pretty soon we're gonna have
four albums worth of material.
Can play longer shows.
- Yeah.
- And it's kinda like,
okay I know there's people in the crowd
who come to the show and they appreciate that
it's short and quick, not too many slow songs in a row,
not too much noodling, and you in and out,
they like that.
But do you think most people though
who if they're rolling to the show,
they bought a ticket,
they want it to be as long as possible?
What do you think?
- Okay.
Well, this is different.
- 'Cause certain, you know,
there's like Bruce Springsteen's of the world
who are like, they're fans,
if he doesn't play three hours they're disappointed.
- Right.
- And I love Bruce but I've always been like
a little nervous about like,
I've never been to a three and a half hour show.
I don't know how my body would react.
- Yeah, I'd want Bruce to play for three hours.
You know what it is?
It's like Bruce somehow still seems inspired
and like pumped and like ready to bring it for three.
- Yeah.
- Do you have the sense that the eagles
are in that same headspace?
- Perhaps not.
- You're still--
- Wouldn't that be like (beep) up if they're just like,
you know man, we didn't think we'd be doing many shows
but after Glenn died,
we just felt so fired up and energized.
- Playing like four hour shows.
- Yeah.
Oh man.
But it's his son filling in for him?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- I guess--
- They're keeping in the family.
- Okay, but in your case I would say--
- Do you wanna see a three hour,
15 minute Vampire Weekend show?
- No, but I wanna see two hours and 10 minutes.
- Okay.
- 'Cause I feel like I've seen you many times
and I also feel like it's good to leave the audience
wanting more when you're a younger band.
But now you're really hitting your stride
as like a mature artist.
- Grown man.
- And I wanna see like a confident show
where you like kinda like kick it out
and let the edges be a little shaggy.
- Okay.
- Where it's not so orchestrated
and you just like let it be a little free
and like play some unpredictable tracks, jam it out.
I'd like to see two 10 pushing two 20.
- Okay.
- That'd be epic.
- Two hours and 10 minutes, not 210 minutes.
- Yeah, yeah, two hours.
Yeah, two hours 10 minutes would be, that would be awesome.
- We've never played a show that long.
I think the longest we ever played is maybe like an hour 40.
So that's not crazy, throw another 30 on top of an hour 40.
- Yeah, just pacing it right.
- Yeah.
- I also feel like I gotta loosen up too
'cause like I think sometimes if the crowd's not like
going crazy throughout the show, you get insecure.
But then I think about when I go to see shows,
even when I see artists I love.
- Yeah.
- Even when I see artists who put on like a crazy show,
like one of the last arena shows I saw
before Roger Waters was Kanye.
- Yeah.
- Where he's like flying around.
- I saw that show.
- That show's wild, right?
- Yeah.
- I love Kanye, I literally know every Kanye song.
And even then, you know, there's like about halfway through,
I was like, now's a good time to use the restroom.
- Right.
- Check out the concessions.
And it's not because I wanted to leave or anything,
it's just like, it's all good, you know?
And sometimes the band plays
and they start playing some slow songs
and you don't wanna hear them.
Or sometimes they play something that you just don't wanna.
- Sometimes the slow songs are the ones
where you're just like getting in though.
'Cause like listening to Dead Bootlegs,
which I know you've been doing.
- Yeah, that's true.
- The Dead are incredible because they will like
so confidently play the slowest, quietest song.
- A 19 minute morning do.
- Yeah, or like a nine minute like Ro-Jimmy.
- Right.
- And there's like barely anything happening.
- No, I agree with you.
- And maybe half the arena's like getting nachos
and taking (beep)
but it's like all good.
- I know what you mean.
- It's so confident.
- When you listen back to Grateful Dead show
and you hear like the high energy ones,
like the 50s rock covers.
- Yeah, or like Scarlet or something.
- Well, Scarlet, even Scarlet's mid-tempo, truthfully.
But you know, just like.
- Promised Land.
- Yeah, Chuck Berry and Buddy Holly covers.
I'm sure like to some people that was like,
wow, they were really cooking.
That's when they were rocking.
But you listen back, it's like those songs are pretty lame
compared to the slow, beautiful, vibey ones.
- Yeah.
- But you know, sometimes on stage
when you play the slow, prettier ones,
you're not getting that immediate energy off the crowd.
- But dude, that's where you dive into your confidence.
- I remember.
- (beep) the crowd, man.
You're there, you're like doing your thing.
- I know, and maybe that's that grown up stuff
that you're talking about is becoming more confident.
I remember.
- I need to be a tour consultant.
- Oh yeah.
- It sounds like, basically.
- We're bringing you on the road, man.
- Okay, I need to be.
- The spiritual advisor on the road.
- I'll be writing the set lists.
- That's right.
Choosing which ones we gotta jam out.
- Yeah, for sure.
- I wanna get you up to 210 by March 5th.
- Let it breathe, just let it breathe.
- We're gonna, at Cleveland, I need you at an hour 45.
But by Madison, Wisconsin, man, we need that 210 show.
♪ Just like Jackie Ripper ♪
♪ Just like Budge a Hand ♪
♪ Just like Billy Sunday ♪
♪ In a shotgun break time band ♪
♪ Just like New York City ♪
♪ Just like Jericho ♪
♪ Face the halls and climb the walls ♪
♪ Get out when they blow ♪
♪ Did you say your name was ♪
♪ Ramblin' Rose ♪
♪ Ramblin' on baby ♪
♪ Saddle down easy ♪
♪ Ramblin' on Rose ♪
- I don't want you to say anything about the album.
- Yeah, yeah.
- But just tell people that you did come to the studio.
- Yeah, I've heard like eight or nine songs
off the new album.
- So you know it exists.
- Yeah, sounds great.
- I feel like the new album's gonna,
a lot of it's gonna be really good to play live.
- Yeah, yeah.
I can see a lot of that stuff having room to breathe.
- Which on previous albums,
sometimes we'd be working on a song
and I'd be like, oh my God, how are we gonna do this live?
- The earlier stuff, it's like, what could you jam out?
Kids Still Stand a Chance you could do.
- You could jam out, yeah, for sure.
- You could go dead style on that.
- You know what else, like, Eight Minute Cape Cod.
- Wait, really?
Wow.
- Yeah, (hums)
Yeah, Bae just hold down on the bass,
and just do like a little (hums)
- I'm in, dude.
(hums)
Eight Minute Cape Cod.
- Eight Minute Cape Cod.
(laughs)
- Vampire Cling full jam band.
(laughs)
That'd be tight.
- Two hour, 10 show, Eight Minute Cape Cod.
- Strong.
- Yeah, this is gonna require a lot of discussion
and a lot of planning, but it's coming.
- No set lists.
- I'm scared about the no set list thing.
I really do want it to loosen up a bit.
- That would be, yeah, no, you have to work up to that.
- Yeah, there could be rough set list.
For me, rather than having no set list,
I would like maybe design a flow chart set list.
- Yeah, would you ever make decisions on the fly
playing a show?
Like, there's a set list,
and then depending on the vibe of the room,
you'd be like, actually, let's jump to that song
and come back to the other one.
Or would it always just be like, let's play the set list?
- That's never really happened.
Occasionally, if I felt like my voice was giving out,
I might cut one or something, or who knows.
But I think also getting older, too,
it's like, in your first few albums,
you're so nervous all the time.
And I'm not saying that I don't still have anxiety
about a lot of stuff regarding music and career,
but in some ways, the show,
it's like, we went out, we toured three albums.
Here's one thing I'll say,
is that I do feel more confident about taking some risks
and making the show longer and taking some chances.
'Cause if worst case scenario is like,
we just suck one night,
I'm at a point in my life where I could be like,
meh, that's all right.
If we take a few chances and it falls flat--
- That's the thing, if it sucks 'cause you're taking chances,
that's cool.
- It's better than sucking just 'cause you're a robot.
- Exactly, I think if the fans are gonna,
I think that's why people love "The Dead" partially,
'cause "The Dead" played so many bad shows.
- Right, infamously, yeah.
- And they did so many terrible covers.
But it was because they were trying stuff out,
and the fans felt like they were on a journey with the band.
So if they fell flat 'cause they were trying something new,
then it was like, well, we're along for the ride.
But if you're falling flat 'cause you're a robot,
like you said, then it's a bummer.
It's like, what are you even doing?
So if you're trying stuff and you fall flat,
like the Madison show, you play for two hours, 40 minutes.
And then it's just like--
- You were just bored.
- And like, yeah, whatever.
- Honestly, that'd be hilarious.
If we ever do play Madison Square Garden.
- Oh, I was thinking Madison, Wisconsin.
- Oh, that's, oh, it's--
- Honestly--
- MSG, you dial it in.
- It's way funnier that we just fall flat,
a hometown show, iconic Madison Square Garden,
and just be like, yeah, they really sucked,
man, okay, no, Madison, Wisconsin,
kind of a kinder vibe town.
- You open with an eight minute Cape Cod at MSG.
- I wanna do it so badly now.
♪ Is your bed made ♪
♪ Is your sweater on ♪
♪ Do you wanna hop ♪
♪ Like you know I do ♪
♪ Like you know I do ♪
♪ Like you know I do ♪
♪ This feels so natural ♪
♪ Peter Gabriel too ♪
♪ Feels so unnatural ♪
♪ Peter Gabriel too ♪
- Yeah, we'll see, when we're actually back on,
I haven't played shows in years,
outside of the little Bernie Sanders gigs,
I haven't played shows in years.
- And my 40th birthday.
- Oh, and I jumped on stage at your 40th birthday,
that was about it.
- That's crazy, dude, years.
- Or yeah, yeah, three years.
Three years since the last proper Vampire Show.
- That's gonna be crazy when you play that first gig.
- It's gonna be, yeah, we'll probably have to do a small one.
- Troubadour, dude.
- Troubadour.
- That's the show to see.
- I also just feel like, you know,
it can be really confusing about your relationship
with your fans, 'cause like, you go on social media,
you get like the most, like, people say crazy stuff to you,
like you got haters, and I have to believe, though,
like I'm a fan of a lot of stuff,
and if I wanna go see an artist,
and I caught them on like an awkward night
where they (beep) up, they had a laugh about something,
they did something kinda weird that fell a little flat,
I would rather see that show.
- Oh, yeah.
- 'Cause also, I'll tell you, I'm not gonna name names,
'cause I don't wanna throw anybody under the bus,
and I think we need all types of stuff
in the music industry, but I was like watching
some artists recently who were doing a huge spectacle show,
not talking about Roger Waters, by the way,
and the first five minutes, I was like blown away,
and I was just like, this is incredible,
the showmanship, the stage show, the video,
like I was like, wow, these people shot a feature film,
they did everything.
- Wow.
- And even the, it really blew me away,
and then the artistry was very high,
and these are artists that I respect,
but I felt for me as a fan, after 10 or 15 minutes,
it's like you get used to anything.
You go live in a mansion, after a while--
- You get used to the view.
- You get used to the view, and you're like,
somebody comes over, like, this view's incredible,
and you're just like, yeah, whatever,
you wanna see my PlayStation?
Like, that's what happens.
So anyway, after 10 or 15 minutes, I was like,
honestly, there might--
- Look at that Twitter.
- Yeah, there might as well, this stuff on stage,
it's like, but anyway, that's me,
but I have to believe that some of our fans
are probably not that different.
They wanna see that eight minute Cape of God,
with, might have a few bum notes.
- That's the most exciting part.
- Yeah, it's like, whoa.
- I guess you'll see who your real fans are.
If you take it out, and let it be a little rough
around the edges, and people are just confused,
and they're like, these guys suck, and they walk,
well, then they walk.
- All right, we're just, back to--
- We're on the path to you playing--
- Back to the Mercury Land.
- 200 people in about four years.
- Okay, so eight minute Cape--
- But it's all heads.
- It's all heads, eight minute Cape Cod.
- It's all heads.
That's the thing, dude, it's like--
- 37 people in Madison, Wisconsin.
- This is like classic--
- Hemorrhaging money.
- Got this new van, it's just a money pit.
- Oh man, it's back to the old days,
waking up at 7 a.m., CT driving from Boise to Salt Lake.
- That's a funny one, though, it's like,
play to like, I don't know, 7,000 people that are like,
yeah, I've heard of this band, oh, you got tickets, cool.
As opposed to like 300 people that are just like,
know every word, and are just like, fired up.
- That's a space where I could really excel, though.
- Oh my God, yeah.
- Being the band that like, (beep) up a lot.
(laughing)
- I love this direction, I'm like,
kind of surprised to hear that you're so open
to these dynamics.
- Well, you know what, I've never felt super confident
in the show, partially because, you know,
we've had great shows, but partially because
we work so hard on the albums.
So much attention to detail on the albums,
raking myself and everybody else over the coals,
like, hard, hardcore.
And then by the time you get on the road,
it's like you're exhausted, and all you wanna do
is just make sure it works.
- Yeah.
- You know, it's like, it is hard to feel relaxed
about the shows, but I'm okay with letting the albums
be the albums, and the shows be the shows.
- Oh, for sure.
Yeah, I mean, like, the live versions are gonna have
their own life.
- Eight Minute Cape Cod.
I hope I didn't pick the wrong song,
'cause like, I think now a few heads will be expecting
an Eight Minute Cape Cod, it might be a different song.
Well, we'll try it, that's the thing, we gotta try it.
- I think Kids Don't Stand a Chance,
you could really take that out.
- Interesting.
Yeah, there's a while we didn't play it that much.
- I used to find it hard to sing live.
I'm getting into it.
- You're listening to Time Crisis on Beats One.
♪ A devastating backstroke ♪
♪ All the way from France ♪
♪ With shiny, shiny cufflinks ♪
♪ A shirt sleeve to enhance ♪
♪ The pinstripe men of morning ♪
♪ Are coming for to dance ♪
♪ With pure Egyptian cotton ♪
♪ The kids don't stand a chance ♪
♪ You criticize the practice ♪
♪ By murdering the plants ♪
♪ Ignoring all the history ♪
♪ Denying them romance ♪
♪ The pinstripe men of morning ♪
♪ Are coming for to dance ♪
♪ Forty million dollars ♪
♪ The kids don't stand a chance ♪
♪ You didn't like the business ♪
♪ But that was at first glance ♪
♪ You'd be laughing so soft now ♪
♪ But still you must advance ♪
♪ With pinstripe men of morning ♪
♪ The partners in the dance ♪
♪ The paper's shot to pieces ♪
♪ The kids don't stand a chance ♪
- 11 minute kids.
All right, you ready for the top five?
- It's time for the top five on iTunes.
- So today we're gonna go through the top five songs
on iTunes, but we're gonna compare them
to the top five songs of 1983.
Why 1983?
- Reading Rainbow.
- Right, Reading Rainbow debuted in 1983.
I was not alive in '83.
- I was six.
- You were six?
I was one year out from being born.
- Conceived?
- Yeah, I was born in April, so I was a little bit
conceived in '83.
- Conceived in July of '83.
- The summer of '83?
Yeah, I guess this probably was right around--
- Summer of '83.
- This is right around the time I would've
come onto the scene.
So the number five song, This Week in 1983,
is from a little album called Thriller.
- Oh.
- So many big songs on this album, I mean.
One of the biggest albums of all time.
Maybe the biggest album of all time.
- This is track one on Thriller.
It's a good one.
Thriller, I'm gonna go this one, PYT, and Human Nature
are my standout tracks.
♪ Tell me that it's human nature ♪
♪ Why, why ♪
- Yeah, I mean, if I actually like, obviously, Thriller--
- Like, pound for pound, what are you gonna,
top three on Thriller?
- Nah, definitely PYT.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, 'cause it's like, you've heard Beat It
and Thriller so many times.
- Yeah.
- Like, you're not gonna pick those as your top three.
- Billie Jean, I've heard it too many times.
- Too many times.
You're right, I would pick this, PYT.
- Yeah, I might go with the same as you.
- Ugh, you're insane.
♪ You got to be thought of something ♪
♪ If you're high to get over ♪
♪ Hey, too low to get under ♪
♪ Hey, you're stuck in the middle ♪
♪ Hey, you need a swing ♪
♪ Hey, too high to get over ♪
♪ Hey, too low to get under ♪
- This song was originally written
for his sister, LaToya Jackson,
about her troubled relationship with her sister's in-law.
But Michael ended up recording the song.
- Sister in-law?
Like her brother's wife?
- Maybe another one of the Jacksons' wife
had a problem with LaToya.
- That would be stressful.
Your, like, sibling's spouse,
you have, like, beef with, that would suck.
- I was thinking about that too recently.
I was, like, picturing...
Somebody was telling me a story about just, like,
being with, like, a family,
and, you know, with, like, adult children.
A big family with all the wives and husbands,
and girlfriends. - Yeah.
- And I was also just picturing about being a parent.
Maybe 'cause I'm just, like, older now,
and just, like, picturing being a parent.
And it's, like, I guess this is, like, the dumb--
what so many dumb movies are about.
You have a kid, and just, like,
you just don't f--- with their significant other.
- Wait, what do you mean you don't f---
with their significant other?
You don't have sex with them? - No, you don't like them.
- Like, you mean, like, your brother?
- No, your child.
- Wait, now I'm straight-up confused.
- Okay, no, I'm saying your son,
so Jake. - Oh, oh, okay.
- Your son Jake Jr. comes home.
- Yep, yep. - And--
- In, like, 25 years. - In 25 years,
your son Jake Jr. comes home from graduate school.
And he's, like-- - I'm engaged.
- "Uh, yeah, Dad, I'm engaged."
And you're, like, "Oh, I'm so excited.
"Can't wait to meet her."
Or him.
Let's assume that Jake Jr. is gay.
I just go--you know, like-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I dig it. I dig it.
- We're always so heteronormative.
So Jake Jr. comes home, and he's, like,
"Dad, I met a guy, and we're engaged."
And you're, like, "I'm so proud of you.
"I'm so glad you're happy."
And then you meet Jake Jr.'s future husband,
and he's, like, "Good to meet you, sir."
And you're, like, "Oh, great to meet you."
And you guys are just, like, talking or something.
You're, like, "Hey, I'm gonna throw on some music.
"Like, uh, Hotel California, cool?"
And then the boyfriend, the fiancé--
- My future son-in-law. - Your future son-in-law
is, like, "You know what?
"Actually, man, I, uh--
"If you don't mind, I hate '70s music."
- I hate the palette. - I hate the palette.
You know what I love is from--
I have great memories of kind of, like,
around the time when I was a kid
was, like, the chain smokers and that kind of, um,
you know, Trump-era EDM.
Do you have any of that?
And you're just, like, "Uh..."
And you don't want to embarrass Jake Jr.,
so you're, like, "Uh, okay."
- "Well, let me just get on Apple Music here."
- "Let me get on Apple--"
"Let me use my mind chip to, uh,
"throw on my Trump-era EDM playlist."
- "You know, I used to do a radio show back in the day
"on Apple Music.
"It might be archived."
- And then--and then also, like--
- "25."
- Your future son-in-law is also kind of, like--
he's also, like, bringing Jake Jr. further from the path.
- Trump was our greatest president.
- And also, like, maybe Jake Jr.'s, like,
previous boyfriend was, like, in an Eagles cover band.
- Ooh. - And you're just, like--
- And I really bonded.
- No, you, like--you were so close with him,
with Tony, who was in an Eagles cover band.
- They were together for, like, four years.
It's kind of painful to be a parent
and, like, really like your kids
significant other than-- - Oh, yeah, that's classic.
- And then they break up after, like, four years.
- Oh, yeah, that happens a lot.
- [exhales]
- Especially if--if your son's boyfriend
is in an Eagles cover band.
- And then his true love is just into that Trump-era EDM.
- [laughs]
Just family barbecues.
- "Yeah, I did a radio show about 25 years ago
"with a friend of mine.
"He--he had a band called Vampire Weekend.
"Never heard of him."
- "Let me play you some."
[synthesizer music]
- Ooh, this sucks.
- Yeah, they get a little more experimental
later in their career.
- You know, man, I'd love to play you--
- Ended up kinda--
- I'd love to play you the--the 2023 version.
Neurolux in Boise, Idaho,
version of "Cape Cod, Quasimodo Man."
They stretched that one out to 15 minutes,
and it is, like, Jake Jr.,
"Your dad sucks."
Like, you can't do holidays together anymore.
- Just barely concealed rage.
- And, like, you're still in touch
with, like, the previous boyfriend.
- Oh, my God.
- "Tony, if you ever wanna get a drink and talk Eagles,
"you know, uh--"
- Or talk late period Vampire Weekend.
- "Talk--" [laughs]
"If you ever wanna--"
"Tony, you ever wanna listen to some, uh, VW bootlegs?
"You know, uh, just 'cause you and Jake Jr. broke up
"doesn't mean we can't still be buddies."
- Dude, First Avenue, Minneapolis, June of 2022.
- The legendary 23-minute
"Kids Don't Stand a Chance."
I was there, man.
- Ezra's spoken word segment in the middle.
Actually brings a tear to the eye still.
- This, like, made-up story's actually too poignant.
I hope if you have a son and your son has a boyfriend
that you guys can at least--
even if he's not into the tasteful palette of '70s music,
that he can at least respect that you are.
- Can you imagine the tasteful palette of '70s rock
in, like, another 25 years?
What year is it right now, 20--
Is this, like, in, like, 20...
41 or whatever it is?
- I guess that would kind of be like somebody playing you
big band music and being like, "Now this--"
- Well, that's what it is like now.
I mean, '70s music is, like, 40-something years old.
And, like, in the '70s, it would have been, like,
listening to music from, like, the '30s.
- Yeah. - That's what it already is like.
Can you imagine, like--
- You're listening to Jake's golden oldies on.
- Yeah, exactly.
Are there gonna be classic rock stations,
like, in 25 years playing, like, Steve Miller?
- I don't think there's gonna be, like,
traditional radio anymore by that point.
So, like, definitely, probably by that point,
like, Sirius and Apple and stuff would be like--
- It's already, like, I mean, '60s on six or whatever.
- You'll be like, "Siri, make me a radio station
with an affable host that plays specifically
the tasteful palette of Southern California country
rock '71 to '73," and they'll be, like, coming right up.
And then just, like, they'll create, like, a dude
who will just be like, "Hey, traveler."
- "Hey, friend." - "Hey, friend.
Are you like me?
Do you love the tasteful palette of California country rock
'71 to '73?"
- "Here's--" - "I know you do, Jake."
And you're just like...
- "Long lost friend.
Here's 'Helplessly Hoping' by CSNY."
- And you're just like, "Wow!
Great call. I love this station."
It's just, like, fully an algorithm
just, like, talking to you.
- "SoCal country rock plus Creedence Clearwater."
- Right.
- "It's Thanksgiving weekend.
How many of you are flying around in your pod?
Maybe even having some family problems?
Boy, I'll tell you, my son's boyfriend,
he really has bad taste in music, but, uh, here on--"
- "Jake's Country Rock." - "Jake's--"
Just, like, fully artificial intelligence radio stations.
Oh, man, okay.
"The number five song--"
"The number five song in our era,
Nile Horan, 'Slow Hands.'" - Oh, sweet.
- "The tasteful palette of early '80s Don Henley."
Has this song grown on you?
- Yeah, I like this song.
- It's doing pretty well.
- Henley has officially adopted Nile.
- [laughs]
- ♪ We should take this back to my plate ♪
♪ That's what she said back to my plate ♪
- That's what she said.
- I love Nile. - "To my face."
- "Nile, the hardest-working guy in one day."
- That's a weak rhyme.
- ♪ I've been thinking 'bout it all day ♪
- But see, like, there's still a tasteful '70s palette song.
And it's doing well.
- ♪ Yeah, 'cause I want you bad ♪
♪ Yeah, I want you, baby, so bad ♪
- ♪ Slow hands ♪
- ♪ Like sweat dripping down my head ♪
♪ And I'm drinking on ♪
♪ No chance that I'm leaving you ♪
- To me, it gives me more of an '80s Clapton vibe
than it does Henley.
- I can see that.
And "slow hand" makes you think of Henley.
- Of course.
Yeah, and "slow hand" being of Clapton,
but then also the dirty laundry reference
makes you think of Henley. - Right.
So he's throwing-- he's mixing it all up.
- You know that--that Clapton song from the '80s?
♪ It's in the way that you use it ♪
Do you know that one? - Sounds vaguely familiar.
- It's like--it sounds like Phil Collins,
but it's Clapton.
- [laughs] '80s Clapton.
- Rough. That's off the album "August."
- The number four song in 1983.
Sergio Mendes.
Wow, he's having hits in the '80s?
Never gonna let you go.
- Who's Sergio Mendes?
I mean, I know the name, but--
- He was, like, a Brazilian band leader
who was kind of-- he had this band, Brazil 66.
- Oh, okay, yeah, sure.
- So he did a lot of, like, instrumental music and...
♪
Oh, this song is tight.
- Yo, you know this one? - Yep.
This is Eileen's car.
- Ha.
- It's a deep--deep pull for TC heads there.
- ♪ I was as wrong as I could be ♪
- Ah, so a pair of songwriters
originally wrote this for "Earth, Wind & Fire."
- Oh, yeah. - But "Earth, Wind & Fire" passed.
- They passed on this? - Yeah.
- ♪ The songs I'm living ♪
♪ But now that I've come to see the light ♪
♪ All I want to do is make things right ♪
- He's got a Christopher Cross vibe.
- ♪ And tell me that I'm forgiven ♪
♪ You and me, we're gonna be ♪
♪ Better than we were before ♪
♪ Loved you then, but now I intend ♪
♪ To open up and love you even more ♪
♪ This time you can be sure ♪
♪ I'm never gonna let you go ♪
- ♪ I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever ♪
- Okay, yeah, yeah. Sounds familiar.
- ♪ I heard you're so ♪
- He's doing kind of like a bootleg Michael McDonald.
- Totally. Ooh, yeah.
- Oh, this is very sophisticated.
- Totally. This is like...
Tin Pan Alley level.
- ♪ I'm never gonna let you go ♪
- Songwriting.
- Are there, like, three different key changes in this?
- Tight song.
The number four song in our era.
- That's a great song. - It's very good.
2017, we got Shawn Mendes.
Do you remember Shawn Mendes, Jake? - No.
- He's, like, huge. - Who's that?
- He's a young Caucasian Canadian.
Just trying to paint a picture here. - Yep, got it.
- He's a little closer to Ed Sheeran than Justin Bieber
in that he, like, plays guitar and stuff.
- Copy that. - He doesn't do EDM.
- ♪ Never gonna let you go ♪
♪ ♪
- Okay.
- ♪ I wanna follow where she goes ♪
- Okay, this is kind of EDM. - Yeah.
- ♪ And she knows it ♪
- But see, there's always, like, an organic, like, guitar sound.
- ♪ I wanna let her take control ♪
♪ 'Cause every time that she gets close, yeah ♪
♪ She pulls me in enough to keep me guessing ♪
♪ Mm-mm ♪
♪ And maybe I should stop and start confessing ♪
♪ Confessing, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, I've been shaking, I love it when you go crazy ♪
♪ You take all my inhibitions ♪
♪ Baby, there's nothing holding me back ♪
♪ You take me places that tear up my reputation ♪
♪ Manipulate my decisions ♪
♪ Baby, there's nothing holding me back ♪
♪ ♪
- Raw passion. - Pretty rough.
- Makes "Slow Hand" seem...
kind of laid-back.
- I kind of like the guitar tone.
Kind of like... - ♪ She says that she's never afraid ♪
- Direct into the board power chords. - Yeah.
- ♪ Just picture everything I can imagine ♪
- Really made me think of, like, "System of a Down" for a second.
- All right. - Or, like, "Matchbox 20."
- Yeah, Shawn Mendes is bringing back
that tasteful palette of, like, late '90s...
- Just embarrassingly passionate. - Adult rock.
- ♪ Kissing, holding me back ♪
- I don't usually encourage people to take on more irony,
but in his case, I do. - [laughs]
- I want more detachment, I want less feeling.
I want less sincerity from him.
- You know, I've always felt that way,
that, like, so much-- well, at least when we were kids,
you'd always be told, like,
"Just be yourself and you can't go wrong.
Just, like, show raw passion." - Yeah.
- And the truth is, with any artistic pursuit,
it's about finding, like, the right middle ground.
You can go too hard, and, like... - Oh, yeah.
- It's like kind of like when you see, like, a high school actor
who kind of, like, thinks they're Marlon Brando or something.
- Yeah. - And they're just like...
[yells] Like, they're just yelling,
and they're still like, "You don't [bleep] me!
You don't love me!"
And you're just so over the top, and you're like, "Yo, re--"
It's not exactly how real people act.
There's, like, more subtlety.
So even in a song, if you're trying to communicate emotion,
you know... - I mean, some of the worst music
on planet Earth is probably some of the most sincere.
- [laughs]
- Just, like, your dime-a-dozen coffee shop singer-songwriter.
- Well, because the irony is that-- - Here's a question.
- Yeah. - Kenny G. Is he sincere?
- Uh-huh. - That's some of the worst music.
- Well, I mean, sincere, I mean, he's a guy playing a saxophone.
- But, I mean, is Kenny G.--you know, I mean...
- Well, you know, it's funny you should say that,
'cause now his whole thing is that he posts kind of, like, memes.
- Really? - He'll post--
[laughs] That was very sincere.
- Yeah. - Jake's just like, "Really?"
- Yeah. - Yeah, he'll, like--he's like--
I don't know if it's him or he is, like, a kid
or a social media manager, but he'll post a picture of him
with, like, a--like, a frowning, and he'll be like,
"When you forget your sax at home."
[laughs] Like...
Wait, Seinfeld, are you--have you seen these Kenny--
- Oh, yeah, yeah, or when she leaves you on read, like...
- And that-- - Or, yeah, like, when she leaves--
- Yeah, what's an example? When she leaves you on read
and it's him, like, looking sad and playing saxophone?
- I think he's following, like, the Michael Bolton
late career kind of self-parody kind of model a little bit.
- Yeah. So he's having fun with it.
- Well, that's good. So it's not sincere. That's good.
- Well, no, it doesn't mean the music's insincere.
- Early in his career, it was, like, so painfully sincere.
- What--I don't know what you mean by sincere
with just, like, instrumental, like, jazz, smooth jazz.
- Well, I mean unselfconscious.
- Maybe, but, you know, man, you might be surprised,
like, the same--like, you like a lot of '70s and '80s
New Age music. Maybe later in life
you'll start going back to some '90s smooth jazz
and be like, "You know what? That palette is pretty tasteful.
"That palette is pretty, pretty tasteful."
- Okay, but New Age music was its sort of own
weirdo subgenre art form, whereas smooth jazz
was just sanding off all the edges
of, like, a previously dominant and avant-garde art form.
So that's where the smooth jazz vibe is just brutal and, like...
- I don't know. With enough time, you might go back
and, like, picture, like, the early '90s,
and you picture just, like, some kid listening to, like,
Pearl Jam, Eddie Vedder, [mimics music]
and you'll just be like, "Ugh!"
- Too sincere. - And then you'll just picture,
like, somebody, like, 42 in 1993,
just driving to work, kids at home,
stressing them out. You got this new president,
Bill Clinton, stressing you out, I don't know.
And you just put on some smooth jazz, some Kenny G,
and you just feel relaxed. You're like, "This is grown-up music, man.
"This [bleep] is good." - What do you guys think of Enya?
- Love Enya. Enya's one of those people that
one generation will-- I've had this conversation
with so many people. They'll be like,
"You cannot tell me Enya's cool now."
All musicians that I know think Enya's cool.
They'll be like, "You're kidding." It's like, it's almost like you say
Kenny G's cool. - Right.
But Enya's closer to New Age.
- Yeah. This is a Kenny G album from 1980.
- Let's hit it. - Called "Breathless."
- '80? I thought he started in early, like '82.
- It says 1980 on Apple Music. - Kenny Gorlick.
- That's his real name? - Yeah.
- Kenneth Gorlick. - He's from, uh,
Seattle, speaking of Vedder. - Wait.
Kenneth Gorlick sounds like a Trump appointee.
- Totally.
- Is this not tasteful?
- What?
[laughter]
- Mm.
- Hand drums. Kind of cool.
- Is this the new Bon Iver record?
- Yeah, seriously, this could be Bon Iver.
Uh, maybe not.
- Little Twin Peaks vibe. - Yeah.
- Come on, Donna.
You know that you can't come to Canada with me.
- I just had a really hard day at work.
[laughter]
- I might just fire a guy.
- Well, honey, looks like it's official.
Bill Clinton won the election.
- What'd we got? The Dow's at 3,500.
[laughter]
- All right, that old Kenny G's cool, man.
- I don't know how we got on that, but whatever.
- Okay, the number three song in, uh, 1983.
Irene Cara.
- Oh, we've had some-- - I feel like we've had this before.
- No, we've had Irene Cara.
From the Grease soundtrack? - No, no, from, uh, Fame.
And then she did this song from the Splashdance.
- Oh, this song is f---ing great.
- Yeah, this song's pretty moving, actually.
- Very. - I actually like the verse better than the chorus.
- I feel you.
- This has that, like, '80s, like-- - Yeah.
Like, kind of like that foreigner song, like, "I Wanna Know."
- "I wanna know, I wanna know." - Yeah.
Or that great heart '80s ballad.
- "How Can I Get You Alone?" - Yeah.
Yeah, that--or, like, the verses are super vibey
and, like, kind of minor. - Yeah.
- ♪ Da-da-da ♪
- That chord change is very kind of mystical and epic.
- ♪ In a world made of steel ♪
♪ Made of stone ♪
- Oh, that's harsh. - [laughs]
- Less tasteful.
- ♪ I hear the music ♪ - Yeah, this doesn't work.
- ♪ Close my eyes, feel the rhythm ♪
- It's so stiff. - ♪ Grab a crown, take a hold ♪
- It's got a real Euro vibe.
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Wanna feel it ♪
- Okay, now we're in.
- The second half of that verse is just brutal.
- I was saying it's a Euro. It's Georgio Moroder.
- Okay. - Worked on it.
- ♪ I ♪
- ♪ Take your passion ♪ - You think this is a real drummer?
- ♪ And make it happen ♪
- Yeah.
- '83. - They need someone just...
- ♪ Come on, let's do this ♪
- A little more of a human touch to the...
- An invisible touch. - Something.
Do you like Neil Young's drummer on this track?
Just the kind of...
- You know, it's like the '80s.
They didn't want a bunch of '70s fills.
- No, I get that, but...
- (beatboxing)
Yeah, okay, I like the verse better than the chorus.
What can I say?
Oh, this won the Academy Award for Best Original Song.
'83, that's cool.
This song won an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, and a Grammy.
- Wow. - Not bad.
- What movie was it? - "Flashdance."
- Okay. - I haven't seen that, like...
- Yeah, I don't... - In a long time, but...
- I don't know if I've ever seen it.
- I vaguely remember it's about a woman
who, like, wants to be a dancer,
and I think her day job is she works in, like, a steel mill.
- Oh. - Does that sound correct?
- Well, yeah, in that song, they're talking about
the world made of steel. ♪ In a world made of steel ♪
- I love that. I love that. Just like...
- ♪ Oh, no, no ♪ - Like...
- Hey, Giorgio... - She's a welder.
- Giorgio, we need a song for this movie.
It's like, what is it about? It's a girl who wants to dance,
but her day job, she has to weld.
- Yeah, I've never seen this scene in the past.
- I love that. I guess that's kind of like...
That's unusual gender roles for a film from 1983.
Alexandra Alex Owens is an 18-year-old welder
at a steel mill in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,
who lives with her dog, Grunt, in a converted warehouse.
Although she aspires to become a professional dancer,
she has no formal dance training
and works as an exotic dancer by night at Mabie's,
a neighborhood bar and grill which hosts a nightly cabaret.
- ♪ Down at Mabie's Bar and Grill ♪
- This is kind of like the original Magic Mike.
[laughs]
Your day job involves welding.
That's interesting, 'cause I feel like
when you picture 1983 Pittsburgh
and an 18-year-old working at the steel mill,
you're probably picturing a man.
- You're thinking, ♪ Factory takes his hearing ♪
♪ Factory gives him life ♪
- It reminds you that not everybody's life
adheres to, like, stereotypes or rigid gender roles.
You know, like, for all we know,
there were, like, a whole bunch of 18-year-old women
working at Pittsburgh factories doing welding by day.
Like, you just don't know.
You don't know somebody's story.
- I bet Bruce heard that and was like, "Ooh, good angle."
- Yeah, it's 1983.
He's working on "Born in the USA."
- Mm-hmm. Oh, interesting.
Oh, a female factory worker.
♪ Alex trips all night down in Mabie's ♪
♪ Welds all day in the factory ♪
[laughs]
♪ She really wants to be a professional dancer ♪
♪ But there's no opportunity ♪
[laughs]
♪ Taking the Greyhound into Manhattan ♪
[laughs]
♪ Audition didn't go so well ♪
♪ Gotta be back-- ♪
[laughs]
♪ Gotta be back in Pittsburgh by 8, by 7 ♪
♪ Or the foreman'll give me hell ♪
That's pretty good.
♪ Or the foreman'll give me hell ♪
♪ I'm an 18-year-old female welder ♪
[laughs]
♪ With aspirations that no man can contain ♪
[laughs]
Let's go ahead on top on that one.
The number three song in 2017.
Oh, I gotta say it.
We have so few songs in the top five.
There was the one that was about the single mom called "Rockabye."
There's so few songs that actually paint a story about a struggling working people
that it's like--I guess "Flashdance" lyrically doesn't,
but when you hear a song like that on the radio and it's a big movie,
everybody knows this is about that woman who welds all day,
strips all night, and is following her dreams.
I like that.
So anyway, the number three song right now, back in 2017,
Demi Lovato, "Sorry Not Sorry."
What do you think the story is with this one?
Have we heard this? No, I think this is new.
I've heard of the name Demi Lovato. Who is that?
She's like a big star.
Oh, a star. She's a major star.
Wait, did she sing at the Republican convention?
No. I mean--
Oh, one of the songwriters on this, Sean Douglas, Michael Keaton's son.
What? Michael Keaton's son, Sean Douglas, is a major pop writer.
Really?
Oh, that chord progression.
I'm probably thinking about Michael Keaton here in this.
Pretty good work, son.
Keaton's like, "Well, you know, I like the Eagles, and what's up, I'm a grateful dad."
Sean.
Sean, I--
Yeah, it's just not--
It's not a palette I understand.
I love you, son.
This is unlistenable.
This is garbage.
All right, come on. Sean, you--
The '80s, you know, this is a solo Don Henley, Glenn Fry, baby.
This is that.
I'm sure Michael Keaton's very proud of this song.
I mean, it's a good song. Wait, what is this referencing?
This is essentially like a rewrite of Rihanna "Needed Me."
You're not familiar with that one, Jack?
That's a tight call, but I don't know what you're talking about.
You'd probably like it. It was a good song on Rihanna's "Glass" record that ended up being a very big single.
It was kind of like the first big hit song where a woman explicitly referred to herself as a savage.
And it had a similar concept of basically being like, "I don't need you. You're the one who needed me."
So it's like a similar kind of like kiss-off.
Where you're saying, "I'm a savage. I don't care about your feelings."
Anyway, back to 1983.
Legit.
Eddie Grant, "Electric Avenue." This is a fun song.
Who doesn't like this song?
Me.
You don't like this song?
No.
Wait, you don't like reggae?
I like reggae.
Whoa.
It's funky.
That's a cool part.
The verse is tight.
Wait, maybe I'm thinking of something else.
Yeah, this is tight. It's sounding good.
Also, this is cool. "Electric Avenue" is a reference to the first place electricity lit the streets in the area of Brixton, South London.
Whoa.
Have you ever been to Brixton in London?
Yeah, I have actually.
It's where Brixton Academy is.
I think now they're dealing with gentrification and become kind of hipstered out.
But for a long time it was known as one of the major Caribbean neighborhoods.
Yeah, yeah.
In 1981 there was a riot, the Brixton Riot.
People dealing with police brutality and stuff.
So actually, it says that Eddie Grant wrote this song in response to the riots.
Where there were a lot of Caribbean immigrants, high unemployment, getting ignored.
So actually, this kind of feel-good song kind of has almost a political backstory.
Yeah, I'm into this song.
I just want to make sure we're getting the lyrics.
This is the verse.
"Down the street there's violence and lots of work to be done.
No place to hang out or washing and I can't blame all on the sun."
Interesting.
And then the verse is, "We're going to rock down to Electric Avenue and then we'll take it higher."
So maybe it's almost like, "F*ck it. It's riot time."
Second verse, "Working so hard like a soldier, can't afford a thing on TV."
I love that.
That's a very Bruce line.
It's like watching TV.
It's like, "I can't afford it."
"I own commercials and I can't afford it."
"They're trying to sell me a 64-inch plasma, wall-mounted flat screen."
Wow, these are heavy lyrics.
I've never really...
It's like that whole, "Working so hard like a soldier, can't afford a thing on TV.
Deep in my heart I abhor ya.
Can't get food for them, kid. Good God."
This is heavy.
"I'm working all day. Come home and watch TV."
And actually, I love that because that's a good point.
It's like, "You work all day. You come home to relax."
And this is before you could fast forward through the commercials.
You're just subjugated.
That's brutal. That's a real brutal take on catabolism.
"Get home, sit down and finally relax."
"Crack one."
"Crack a brew."
"Ads."
And then just ads trying to sell you s***.
"Ten minutes of ads."
"And this guy can't even get food for his kid."
Okay.
"Electric Avenue," great song.
Number two on the charts back then.
This is kind of a tight '83.
'83 is crushing.
The number two song on iTunes right now,
Charlie Puth. Remember him, Jake?
I don't.
He's a major dude.
Charlie Puth?
He's a Caucasian Canadian.
Another one?
P-U-T-H?
Seinfeld. Is Charlie Puth a Canadian?
I don't think he's Canadian, man.
He's American.
I think I would have known.
He's a Caucasian Canadian by way of America.
Fake Canadian, if you ask me.
Why do you think he's Canadian?
Did he get his career started?
I don't know.
It just would have been a fun double thing with Shawn Mendes.
I could see--
Oh, he's from New Jersey.
He's actually from close to where Bruce Springsteen is from.
There you go.
Wait, what's his name?
Charles Otto Puth Jr.
Charles Puth.
You might remember that he kind of came to prominence
with singing the hook on...
♪ It's been a long day without you, my friend ♪
Paul Walker, "Rest in Peace."
♪ And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again ♪
You remember that song that's from one of the Fast and Furious movies?
Vaguely.
Anyway, this guy's still killing it, which I really respect.
You start out singing the hook on a song from a movie,
that could be the end of it.
Yeah.
This guy's really been out there killing it.
He writes his own material.
I haven't heard this yet.
It's called "Attention."
♪
Very sincere.
♪ Run around, run around, run around ♪
♪ Throwing that dirt all on my name ♪
♪ 'Cause you knew that I knew that I knew that I'd call you up ♪
♪ You've been going 'round, going 'round, going 'round ♪
♪ Every party in L.A. ♪
♪ 'Cause you knew that I knew that I knew that I'd be at one ♪
♪ I know that dress is caramel, perfume regret ♪
♪ You got me thinking 'bout when you were mine ♪
♪ And now I'm all up on you, what you expect ♪
♪ But you're not coming home with me tonight ♪
♪ You just want attention ♪
♪ You don't want my heart ♪
Ooh.
I love that--
Fierce bass.
I like that raw bass tone.
♪ Yeah, you just want attention ♪
♪ I knew from the start ♪
♪ You're just making sure I'm never getting over you ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ You've been running 'round, running 'round, running 'round ♪
Okay, bold choice with that kind of like raw, ugly bass sound.
Totally.
Seinfeld theme-ish, if you ask me.
Yeah, okay.
A human plated.
I'm not mad--
Honestly, that like turned the song around for me.
♪ Why you standing face to face? ♪
♪ You already know, already know, already know ♪
Also, like, now it's kind of pretty in the mix,
but like when that first came in, it was like really loud.
♪ All that trust is, trust is gone ♪
♪ I've been crying ♪
♪ You got me thinking about you ♪
The real noisy, ugly bass sound.
It's kind of raw.
Okay.
Shout out to you, Charlie.
♪ Now I'm ♪
Flee guessed it on that.
♪ What you expect ♪
Yeah, honestly, that's like--
♪ I'm coming home with me ♪
Blood sugar, sex magic.
A little bit, yeah.
Okay.
♪ You don't want my heart ♪
All right, shout out to Charlie Puth.
Back to 1983, the number one song
by one of the highest grossing touring acts in history.
U2?
No, the police.
Oh.
At least the reunion tour.
♪ Every breath you take ♪
I just want to point something out.
Great song.
This is the beginning of Charlie Puth.
♪
Take call.
♪
I mean, you can't say anything better about this.
Charlie Puth is a minor chord, I think.
Yeah, I'm just saying it's arpeggiated guitar.
Palm muted.
♪
♪ Every breath you take ♪
♪ Every move you make ♪
♪ Every bond you break ♪
What's interesting about this for such a massive song,
it doesn't really have a chorus.
Yeah.
Like, it's all about the verse.
The vibe.
I think this is my favorite police song.
Really?
I think so.
Wow, kind of a basic choice, I'm surprised.
I know, straight up.
I'm not a police fan.
Really?
Not in.
♪
But this song is tight.
I'll hang with this song.
Yeah.
♪ Oh, can't you see ♪
Like, I know that this is technically the chorus, but--
It feels like a bridge, right?
It feels like a bridge.
Or it feels-- it's like a B-sec.
It's like a turnaround.
And also, it's so much whacker than the verse.
♪
♪ Every move you make ♪
♪ Every vow you break ♪
♪ Every smile you fake ♪
♪ Every claim you stake ♪
♪ I'll be watching you ♪
What's your top three police?
Um, I like "Can't Stand Losing You."
Uh-huh.
One of the earlier punk ones.
Sure.
Oh, you know, it's a good one, "So Lonely."
Yeah, that's a good one.
I like "Bring On The Night."
Do I know that one?
It's like another-- it's still, like, late, I think--
Yeah.
--ish police about walking on the moon.
Oh, yeah.
It's kind of cool.
"Message In A Bottle."
Really?
The verse, again, amazing.
Yeah.
That chorus just--
♪ Message in a bottle ♪
It's such a bummer chorus, and they do it for so long.
It could have been a little better, perhaps.
The riff on that verse is sick, though.
♪ Ba-na-na-na-na-na-na-na ♪
Yeah.
The number one song in 2017 right now on the iTunes charts.
You want to guess what it is, Jake?
Is it a Caucasian male?
One of them.
Ooh.
At least one of them.
I'm not going to make assumptions about how the other two identify.
James Wilkerson?
No.
One of the three men on this song is a CC,
and it's not Shawn Mendes, CC being a Caucasian Canadian.
I was like, what?
Okay.
One of them is a Caucasian Canadian, but the other--
But the other two are from different countries.
Three men, three different countries.
One is a CC.
Give me one more hint.
♪ Every breath you take ♪
I'm trying to think of, like, a riddle rhyme for you.
Take your time.
This song is by men, of which there are three.
[ Laughter ]
One of them is a well-known CC.
[ Laughter ]
Who's the most well-known--
Oh, is it--is it--
It's not Desperado.
It's Omni One.
No, it's Despacito.
Oh, yeah.
Despacito.
Of course it's Despacito.
Yeah, how did you forget about that?
♪ Despacito ♪
♪ Come and move it in my direction ♪
♪ Thankful for that, such a blessing, yeah ♪
♪ Turn every situation into heaven, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, oh, you are my sunrise on the darkest day ♪
This is the song of the summer.
Yeah.
It's been number one for weeks, a month or two.
♪ If you wanna savor every moment slowly ♪
♪ Slowly ♪
♪ You fit me, tell 'em, "Hey, love, how you put it on?" ♪
♪ Got the only key, know how to turn it on ♪
♪ The way you never lie, my ear, the only words I wanna hear ♪
♪ Baby, take it slow so we can last long ♪
♪ Tú eres el imán y yo soy la verdad ♪
You know how there's that thing about Justin, like,
performing this song and just kind of--
'cause he didn't know the Spanish part,
he just started saying "dorito" and kind of whack stuff like that.
Dorito and stuff, yeah.
It'd be hilarious if, like, he put this song out
and just, like, he sings the first part in English
and then it comes out and, like, the verses
are just the guys in Spanish being--
just, like, roasting him.
Just, like, telling a story about, like--
Oh, in Spanish?
Like, we were in a club
and this Caucasian Canadian walked in
and this kid was, like, such a prick.
Such a tool.
Everybody in the club hated him.
We only let him in 'cause he was rich.
We, like, charged extra on his skin, like--
He had no idea, and then he just comes back in.
♪ Te, te ♪
♪ Quiero ver bailar tu pelo ♪
♪ Quiero ser tu ritual ♪
♪ Que le enseñes a mi boca ♪
Song of the Summer, man.
Can't believe it.
It doesn't feel like summer to me.
It's been hotter than--
I know, it's very hot.
But I've just been in L.A. too much,
and it's, like, it's just always hot.
I've just been working.
Also because I'm a grown man,
I'm not in school anymore.
Yeah.
Summer. What is summer?
Eh, it's feeling like summer to me.
But what makes it, like, summery to you?
Are you, like, barbecuing more?
Yep.
Are you cracking up more cold ones?
No, I'm pretty consistent with that.
[laughs]
Uh, it's getting dark real late.
Yeah, I guess that's kind of different.
Doing some summer traveling.
And, yeah, I mean, I don't have air conditioning
in my workspace, in my studio.
Oh, right, I forgot about that.
We discussed that last show.
So you're just dripping in sweat,
painting, listening to podcasts,
and Internet radio shows.
Yep.
Okay, yeah, I believe that.
Apple radio.
If you're painting all day shirtless
in a 97-degree studio,
that's gonna feel like summer.
That's summer.
Yeah, okay.
Well, another great show in the can.
Thank you to our special guests,
Jimmy Harnett and Jerry Cronin,
the ad man and the composer
behind the $5 foot-long jingle.
Thanks to Seinfeld 2000
for getting on the mic more.
Did you have a good time?
The best.
We really appreciate that.
I want to keep encouraging that.
Oh, yeah.
You did a great job today, and, um, again,
if anybody has any information
about this whole Curb Your Enthusiasm subway thing,
let us know, 'cause Seinfeld's very upset about this.
Seinfeld.
Even if you don't have any info,
just let us know how you feel.
Sound off in the comments.
Is there a release date
for the new episode of-- or season of Curb?
October 1st.
Ooh!
Ooh, promo's out.
Oh, Lin-Manuel Miranda's in it.
Okay, great.
Interesting.
You think Larry liked Hamilton?
No.
Seinfeld, do you like Hamilton?
Uh, yeah, sure, it's catchy.
Okay.
It's cool.
I'm not, like, passionate about it.
About what?
Hamilton.
Do you like Hamilton?
[laughs]
You know...
See?
I'm not a huge fan.
I totally respect it, but I was like--
it's just one of those things where, like,
I saw it pretty early on Broadway,
and I was like, "That was okay."
Yeah.
Not for me.
And then I just found that
nobody agreed with me afterwards,
so at this point, you know,
I want to be well-liked,
so at this point, it's amazing.
Yeah.
It does seem, like, socially unacceptable
to say anything less than, like, "It's genius."
I haven't seen it.
I have no idea what it is.
I mean, I know what it is.
It's amazing, and honestly, Jake,
if you see it and you tell me
it's anything less than genius...
Then you're gonna question our friendship.
It's great.
Oh, by the way, Seinfeld,
uh, me and Jake were hanging out
out of town before the Fourth of July,
and we were hanging out with a dude
who in the '90s was a staff writer
on Friends.
Ugh.
Should we get him on the show?
Why?
I mean, come on.
We can talk about--
Let's talk turkey.
Yeah.
Turkey about ruining television.
Okay.
I need to get Seinfeld 2000
and the Friends writer
talking to each other.
Dialoguing.
We're about bringing people together
on this show.
Um, okay, thanks, everybody, for listening.
We'll be back in two weeks.
Time Crisis with Ezra King.
Be-be-be-be-be-be-beats.
One.
(whooshing)
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