Episode 49: Vermont’s Finest
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Transcript
Transcript
Time Crisis, episode 49, I'm told.
We've got a big episode for you.
Jake and I are going to talk to Sweet Martha,
Lord of the Minnesota State Fair.
We'll also be talking to Old CT about the band Fish.
That, plus some great listener emails,
Ben & Jerry's, and Imagine Dragons.
All this and more on...
Time Crisis with Ezra King.
B-B-B-B-Beast...
One.
# They pass me by
# All of those great romances
# Do what I've felt, what we need
# All my rightful chances
# My picture clear
# Everything seems so easy
# And so I tell to the globe
# One of us had to go
# Now it's different
# I want you to know
# One of us is crying
# One of us is lying
# Leave it on me, babe. #
# I am a lineman for the county
# And I drive the main road
# Searching in the sun
# For another home alone
# I am a lineman for the county
# I hear you singing in the wire
# I can hear you through the wine
# And a Wichita lineman
# Is still on the line
# I know I need a small vacation
# But it don't look like rain
# And if it snows, that stretch down south
# Won't ever stand the strain
# And I need you more than want you
# And I want you for all time
# And a Wichita lineman
# Is still on the line
# And I need you more than want you
# And I want you for all time
# And a Wichita lineman
# Is still on the line
# And I need you more than want you
# And I want you for all time
# And a Wichita lineman
# Is still on the line
(gentle music)
- Time Crisis, episode 49.
We have a couple 49ers over here getting up there.
We got a really big show today, man.
We got a lot of ground to cover.
You've been getting crazy listener emails,
so we definitely gotta dig in the mailbag.
You've been getting a lot of great ones.
We're digging back in this week to a story
that really touched my heart a few episodes ago
when you came back from Minnesota
and you told me about Sweet Martha,
a person who runs a business
that's only open 12 days a year
and yet just rakes in the dough, no pun intended,
making cookies at the Minnesota State Fair.
So we had a conversation about a while ago.
We've been getting some great emails and tweets
from people from Minnesota.
It's a really important part of Minnesota culture.
And Time Crisis, we pay tribute to the whole world,
but specifically these United States.
So anyway, we're picking up where we left off
and we somehow got Sweet Martha to call into the show.
So you met Sweet Martha, so it's not as exciting for you.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You met her when you went to a wedding in--
- Yeah, in May.
Went to her lake house.
- Oh, so you've been to Sweet Martha's lake house.
- Yep.
- And the thing about it, learned a lot that night.
- Well, this is gonna be my first time
talking to Sweet Martha
and hopefully reintroducing all the TC heads
to the magic that is Sweet Martha's cookie jar.
So let's get her on the phone.
- Now, let's go to the Time Crisis hotline.
(phone ringing)
- Hey, Martha.
- Hello.
- Hey, it's Jake.
- Hi, how are you?
- Great, how are you?
- Good, good.
- Also, Ezra's here.
Great to meet you.
So, do people call you Sweet Martha?
It's my instinct to address you as Sweet Martha.
- Actually, my family doesn't,
but a lot of other people do.
- So you know, you'd be walking down the street,
you might get the occasional, "Sweet Martha."
- Yes, exactly, if you can believe it.
My husband wanted to name the business after me,
but then my brother chimed in
and he thought Sweet Martha would be an appropriate name,
and I'm like, "Are you kidding me?
"I do not want to be sweet all the time like that."
- Right, you're getting pigeonholed.
- Yeah, exactly.
- My notes say that your husband's name is Gary.
- Yes.
- So Sweet Gary was never in the cards?
- Well, he felt that it could've been named Gorgeous Gary.
- I don't want to buy cookies from Gorgeous Gary.
(laughing)
- So just to remind people who haven't heard us
talk about Sweet Martha's before,
so Sweet Martha's, it's not exactly a cookie store.
Is it more correct to call it a stand?
- Yes, we have, actually now we have three stands
at the Minnesota State Fair.
So in Minnesota, the state fair is huge.
In fact, for the amount of days that it is,
it's the highest grossing food fair in the country.
- So the thing that I'm so fascinated about, Martha,
is so Jake told me that Sweet Martha's
is open for two weeks a year, essentially?
- About 12 days.
- Okay, not even two weeks, 12 days.
And over the course of those 12 days,
that's your year of business.
- Right.
- So was it always like that?
You were covering your entire year with 12 days?
Or when it started, was this like a hobby?
- Yeah, there was always that dream
of getting a booth at the state fair,
because you just saw all these people
and all this business,
and it just seemed like such a great idea.
So probably, I think it was in '78,
my husband and I opened up a soft serve
frozen yogurt shop downtown Minneapolis.
And there we started serving
famous, famous chocolate chip cookies.
They were sort of the craze back then.
That sort of gave us the idea of cookies.
So we applied to the fair for frozen yogurt,
and we're rejected.
So the following year,
besides we've kept applying for yogurt too,
we applied for cookies.
And about a month before the fair started,
they called with someone that had canceled,
and they said, "Do you want to be in the fair?"
And I said, "Of course."
And we hang up, and I go, "Oh my gosh,
"what are we gonna do now?"
Because of course, we knew everything about yogurt,
but we didn't really know about baking cookies.
- When you first applied,
it's not like you had some classic recipe on deck.
- Right, not really, no. (laughs)
- So how'd that first year go?
- So we had like this month to put together everything.
It was my husband, Gary,
and then his classmates from high school, Neil.
So I was working on recipes,
took all our mother's recipes,
basically compared them,
and then start getting in all types of chocolate,
because we all love chocolate,
and wanted the best kind of chocolate we could find.
- So every year, for 12 days,
you sell one type of cookie,
and that's how you make your living.
- Yes, but we do also have our frozen dough
in the grocery stores year-round.
- That's the American dream,
is that you could work 12 days,
or you could sell something for 12 days.
So do you have a lot of free time,
or the dough operation or getting ready
takes up so much of your time more than we might think?
- That's the latter, just what you said.
You know, something that sort of turned into year-round,
we started in really February scheduling,
because like for instance, this year,
we hire for the 12 days.
We're up to about 615 people.
- Wow, it's also really interesting.
Every year you're making one cookie,
it's the same cookie.
Does the recipe change?
Are there sweet Martha heads who say like,
"I still have a bucket of 87 in the freezer.
I'm telling you, nothing's touched it since."
Are there like people like that?
- No, a lot of them don't quite make it all the way home.
- Do you feel like they taste the same every year,
or are there like intangibles?
Like one year the barometric pressure
in Minnesota was different.
- There are those factors, seriously,
and that's where the mixers have to play with the dough
to try and make sure that it is the consistency we want.
Just because we are actually, you know, mixing outside.
- So you're on site all 12 days?
- Oh yes.
- Are you eating cookies?
- Oh yes.
- Yeah, I mean, when I'm around cookies,
I have a real problem.
So one question I have is like,
so during those 12 days,
are you eating other foods besides cookies?
Or it's just like, that's cookie time.
You gotta be making sure they taste good.
- We eat more than just cookies,
because of course it is sort of a athletic event.
- What sort of volume are you selling
in terms of like number of cookies?
- We do sell more in volume.
You know, we're not like counting the cookies
as whatever fits in that pail.
But at least a million a day, average.
- A day?
- Yeah.
- So you're serving out 12 million cookies
at the Minnesota State Fair?
- Well, we actually, we have these ovens
that are rack ovens,
and they make about 2000 cookies in 12 minutes.
And we have about 17 of these rack ovens now
with our new stand.
So we make, you know,
we can make 38,000 cookies in 12 minutes.
- Oh my God. - Wow.
- Yeah, so we are really high production.
- That's unreal.
So Martha, when Jake first told me about this,
and he's saying this incredible volume,
12 days, raking in money, all this stuff,
I'm sure you must get this question a lot,
but it's the classic American way
is you start a successful local business,
generally within four years.
You're expanding, you're selling the license
to, you know, a French company or something.
Surely you must have had offers.
It sounds like you guys have stayed pretty independent.
- We have.
We sort of like running our own show.
- Have you ever been, got a buyout offer?
- Oh, sure.
I mean, the people are approaching us, you know,
in all different ways.
We've done this for 39 years now.
We sort of want to stay the way we are at this point.
The people that are working for us,
we know so many of them.
They're my family, all my nieces and have everybody,
and we all get together for 12 days,
and it's just so much fun.
- I heard actually through the grapevine,
through Jenny, that you saw the Eagles last week.
- Oh my gosh, they were great.
- So that also begs the question,
in the early days of Sweet Martha, late 70s,
when you guys are coming up with the recipes and starting it,
what type of tunes were blasting out of the kitchen,
'77, '78, was it the Eagles?
♪ Take it easy ♪
- Yeah, it was all those.
- Right, like "Hall and Oates," "Steely Dan,"
none of the nascent punk rock scene?
- No.
- No replacements or prints?
- Not yet, yeah.
- One last question, Martha.
I'm just curious.
It's so cool hearing you talk about
running this big operation, but keeping it local,
and employing friends and family.
Just, I've always been interested by Minnesota culture.
It seems like a really special thing.
There seems like a real type of Minnesota pride,
and I guess the Minnesota State Fair,
I didn't even know it was this massive.
Is this the time when Minnesotans can just get together
and be themselves and celebrate their culture?
- That's exactly right, you nailed it.
- Is there still a lot of Scandinavian stuff?
- Oh yeah.
- So when's the first day of the fair?
- August 24th.
- All right, coming up.
- Yeah, so we're right in the midst of doing all the setup.
- We gotta get out there, this sounds incredible.
- You've got to.
- I always liked Minnesota.
- Well, so do we.
- Vampire show next year, dude.
- Maybe we could get a gig at the Minnesota State Fair,
'cause there's like a lot of music, right?
- Oh yeah.
- I bet you could, man.
- Who's playing this year?
- Usher, I think, and--
- Usher?
- Yeah.
- Wow, well cool, I hope Usher, if you're listening.
Check out Sweet Martha's, man.
- Yeah.
- Great, well thanks so much, Martha,
and we hope you have a great fair this year.
- Thank you so much.
♪ I was working part-time in a five and dime ♪
♪ My boss was Mr. McGee ♪
♪ He told me several times that he didn't like my kind ♪
♪ 'Cause I was a bit too leisurely ♪
♪ He seemed that I was busy doing something close to nothing ♪
♪ But different than the day before ♪
♪ That's when I saw her, I saw her ♪
♪ She walked in through the outdoor, outdoor ♪
♪ She wore a raspberry to her head ♪
♪ The kind you find in a second hand store ♪
♪ Raspberry beret ♪
♪ If it was worn, she wouldn't wear much more ♪
♪ Raspberry beret ♪
♪ I think I love her ♪
♪ Built like she was, she had to learn to ask me ♪
♪ My plan to do her any harm ♪
♪ So look here, I put her on the back of my bike ♪
♪ We went riding down by old Matt Johnson's farm ♪
♪ I said now overcast days never turn me on ♪
♪ There's something 'bout the clouds in her mix ♪
♪ She wasn't too bright ♪
♪ But I could tell when she kissed me ♪
♪ She knew how to get her kicks ♪
♪ She wore a raspberry beret ♪
♪ The kind you find in a second hand store ♪
♪ Raspberry beret ♪
♪ If it was worn, she wouldn't wear much more ♪
♪ Raspberry beret ♪
♪ I think I love her ♪
- You're listening to Time Crisis on Beast One.
- Wow, sweet Martha.
How about those numbers, Jake?
- Insane.
How many cookies was that?
- Well, she said a million a day,
so we can guess about 12 million.
Wait, and they've been doing it, well--
- They're doing 38,000 cookies every 12 minutes.
Love that.
- It also begs the question,
so she's saying that Famous Amos
was kind of their inspiration?
- Right.
- So if sweet Martha is selling 12 million cookies
in 12 days, how many cookies
is Famous Amos selling a year?
A billion?
What about Grandma?
Not your grandma, but Grandma,
who makes Grandma's cookies.
- Grandma's cookies you can buy
in like middle school cafeteria.
- Yeah, a DMV vending machine.
- Yeah, so it's like a different,
and it's admirable of sweet Martha's
to resist that.
We're like deep, like Wall Street money's coming in,
being like, yo, I'll cut you a check
for 48 million right now.
- Monsanto sneaking around, trying to get that recipe.
- Like, just take this off your hands.
- Yeah.
- And just being like, you know what,
this is family business, we're keeping it local,
keeping it small.
Savvy, too, to sell those cookies 12 days a year.
That way people are like looking forward to it.
If you went into like a CVS,
and there's sweet Martha's just there,
365 days a year available, you know,
when you go to the fair, the cookies won't have as much sway.
- Look to the cookie, Elaine.
Look to the cookie.
- So Jake, we've been getting so many great emails,
as always, we read them all.
- Oh yeah.
- But sometimes the volume we can't keep up with,
but Jake, you picked a few good ones for this week,
and you got an interesting one about fish
that I think you should read.
- Okay.
Dear Jake, as with other Time Crisis fans
who have written you, I'd like to apologize
for intruding and using your personal email.
- I love the politeness.
- I'd also like to thank you for your disregard
for personal privacy and allowing this to become
an unofficial Time Crisis hotline.
It's a personal/business email.
- Don't even sweat it, it's personal/business.
- I'm writing in the hope that you'll be able
to shed some light on a phenomenon I came across
living in Chicago last year.
My usual country of residence is the UK,
to which I have now returned.
The phenomenon in question is the band Fish
and the level of fanaticism it inspires.
During my time in Chicago, I was amazed to meet
numerous people who followed the band around the country
on a seemingly endless touring schedule.
One particularly impressive fish head took three flights
in a weekend to catch consecutive shows.
I'd like to know how you and Ezra view Fish
and whether these fish heads are bona fide successors
to the original Deadheads.
Best, Josh.
- Great email.
- Contentious territory.
- Honestly, on this show, we've talked about
a lot of controversial things.
Socialism, One Direction, but we've never ventured
into these waters, but maybe it's time.
Infamously, for people who don't know,
the Grateful Dead, biggest touring band in America
in the late '80s, early '90s,
huge jam band, kind of post-hippie scene.
- Yeah, started that archetype.
- Started that archetype.
1995, the tragic early death of Jerry Garcia.
Dead stops touring.
And the way a lot of people tell the story,
then these kind of Grateful Dead acolytes
from Vermont, Fish, fill the void.
And Going to See Fish becomes the new
Going to See the Grateful Dead.
And the next 20 years, Fish becomes
one of the biggest touring bands in America.
So there's definitely some people who love
the Grateful Dead and they smoothly transition
into loving Fish, but then there's other people
who draw a line and say, "No, no, I don't like Fish.
"I like the Dead."
And Jake, I believe you're more in that category.
- That is fair.
- Not a Fish fan.
- Well, first of all, the songs are not there.
I think Jerry was a great songwriter.
And I just don't hear that with Fish.
I mean, they have a couple songs where I'm like,
"Okay, this is cool," but it's hard to really go in hard
on second generation of that thing.
- Now, people would say Fish is like their own language
and I'm sure that's true.
I also found Fish to be very technical and cold
and virtuosic in a way that was reminiscent
of dudes that are going to the Berkeley School of Music
in Boston and are deepest guitar shredders.
To me, Fish seems academic.
That's what it comes down to.
- I knew some Fish heads growing up
and I never really listened to Fish,
but I remember they would tell me there was a Fish song
called "Golgi Apparatus" and I thought that was funny.
Here's "Golgi Apparatus" live in '93.
I like this part, it's kind of like Scott.
- Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.
I gotta say, man, of those East Coast jam bands
in the '90s, I much preferred Blues Traveler.
- Oh yeah, I like Blues Traveler.
- Who wrote good songs, had a pretty unique,
idiosyncratic singer.
I remember kids wearing Fish shirts in the early '90s
and I was like, those shirts are dope.
And I wanted, yeah, just a green shirt
with that awesome green Fish logo on it.
Like green on green.
- Yeah, they had good t-shirts.
- It was like a tight Vermont tie-in.
And I remember really wanting to like Fish.
- I love that they're from Vermont, I love Vermont.
But, so that's Fish live at their peak.
This is the Dead live at their peak.
- 20 years prior.
- It's a little unfair just because live recordings
simply sounded better in 1972 versus '93.
- Well, why would live recordings sound better?
- 'Cause they were recording a tape.
No, but they were recording a tape and stuff.
I mean, I'm just saying, it had the tasteful '70s palette.
- But I feel like the live recording comparison
would be in a way more objective or something.
'Cause like '90s drum sounds in a recording studio
are gonna be brutal.
- Ah, right.
Well, yeah.
Okay, Grateful Dead is definitely more tasteful.
- Fish didn't have the melodic content that the Dead had.
You know?
- My take is kinda like, sunflower.
- I like Sunfish, Grateful Dead's a bigger fan,
speaks to me more.
It's interesting because I always like music
that has the right balance of seriousness
and lightheartedness, which the Grateful Dead
really hit that perfectly.
They got their kinda deep, hippie songs,
but then they have the fun ones.
You know, these are very subtle differentiations.
Arguably, this is the narcissism of small difference.
- I don't think we're in the narcissism of small difference.
- I think this is the narcissism
of pretty major differences.
- Still narcissism, but it's a major difference.
It's like Fish, it's either you're in on the joke
or you're not, and if you're not,
it could come across as maybe like--
- It's not goofy, though.
It's generic.
That's the problem with it.
- No, but they do goofy stuff.
They used to jump on trampolines in the show.
- Yeah, no, I'm talking about the musical content,
like the harmonic content of their songs are like,
it's just generic to me.
- Well, there's a lot of bands, like Widespread, Leftover.
Those bands are all in the same genre as Fish,
which is like late '80s, early '90s, East Coast jam bands.
The Dead were like fully on their own trip.
- Let's listen to Fish live at Madison Square Garden '97,
Punch You in the Eye Live.
Maybe this has a kinder vibe.
- Maybe CT could give us some recs.
- Oh yeah, we gotta call CT.
- It's just like bad funk.
- Live recordings are done.
- I'm talking about the actual compositional content.
- Wow.
- I'm not talking about the live recording versus studio.
- Even if Fish recorded on the tasteful 1972 tape machine.
- Brutal.
- Okay, well let's call Chris Thompson
'cause he's the biggest fishhead that I know.
Let's get CT on the phone.
- Now let's go to the Time Crisis Hotline.
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Hello.
- Hey, what's up CT?
- How's it going?
- Welcome to Time Crisis, you're on with me and Jake,
you know us.
- It's truly a pleasure to be here.
- So we got a fan email this week.
It was from an English guy who was in Chicago for a year
and he made some American friends
who introduced him to Fish
and he was kind of bewildered by it.
And he asked us what we thought
and Fish is obviously in the atmosphere today
so we're just kind of talking Fish over here.
Jake, you know, is a huge Grateful Dead fan
and he's not the biggest Fish fan.
So I wanted to bring somebody on who I know is a Fish fan.
Or actually, before I go any further,
just explain your relationship to Fish.
- Well for me personally, they're very,
I would say elemental and fundamental.
I found them probably as a lot of people do in high school.
And I don't know, there was something about
both the vibe, the music itself,
like the visuals, sort of the mythos of the world
that really drew me in and drew me in deep.
And I probably had like six to seven
like solid deep, deep years where that was like
a main concern of mine was Fish
and like hearing old shows, like digging into the albums,
like trying to see shows
when they weren't on hiatus at that point.
So I think that that was definitely
one of my first true loves in music.
- So how many times did you see them?
- You know, I've lost the exact count.
I'd put it around 26 with my latest being last Friday
as the 11th show of the Baker's Dozen.
- Oh, so you went to the Baker's Dozen?
- I went to one of them, yeah.
I didn't go to all 13, but I went to one.
- So, okay, so around 26.
- It's somewhere between like 25 and 30.
- This show that you saw in New York
in Madison Square Garden,
that was the first Fish show you'd seen in a while?
- Probably in like four or five years, yeah.
I think the one previous to that was when
Vampiricum played Austin City Limits.
And I don't know if you remember,
we had it hooked up where we played
right before Fish did across the field.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- And we had it set up where I could hustle
into the golf cart with one of my Fish cohorts,
the legendary Buddy Herms.
And they kind of like whipped us right over there.
Didn't miss a note.
- I love, CT, final Vampire Weekend song,
probably Walcott.
15 seconds later, CT's in the golf cart
on the way to see Fish.
- I mean, that's a rare,
because Fish rarely plays with other people.
- Yeah, yeah, actually, I was gonna say,
you don't hear about Fish at festivals that often.
- I think they've done a few latter-day Bonnaroos.
They were part of the original Horror Zone.
I think one of their big opening slots ever was,
I believe in '92, was for Carlos Santana for a minute.
- Oh, wow.
- So, a weird middle zone for him.
But yeah, yeah, so the fact that they were playing
this festival that we were playing literally
right before them was very meaningful to me.
So, I had to get over there and check it out.
- Okay, so now they're playing in New York,
Madison's Graveyard.
You're going on the 11th night.
So, paint a picture for us.
13 nights of Fish is happening.
Is there a crazy energy in the air?
What's the vibe over there?
Who's there?
What's the crowd like?
- My personal relationship to the Bakers doesn't.
I knew about it for a while,
but sort of like in my now more cynical self,
sort of like, "Ah, I've seen enough shows.
"I'm probably okay."
And then, you know, the does starts rolling.
And you're hearing reports from friends that are seeing it,
checking out the set list,
and kind of getting more and more excited
as the does goes along.
And then finally, by the end of week one,
I had to pull the trigger.
I was like, "You know what?
"I gotta check this out."
- Did you buy a ticket, or did you get some weird hookup?
- Both.
(laughing)
- Okay, got you.
We'll buy.
- Were they all sold out at that point, or not?
- Yes, as far as I knew they were, yeah.
I went straight to the top of the pyramid
to buy three tickets.
- Oh yeah, I'm sure.
So when you're there, was it an older crowd?
Did you feel like a young guy at the Fizz Show, or what?
- You know what?
I'm not a young guy anymore.
I felt like I was probably right around the average.
- Did you see like college kids?
- Yeah, I think especially 'cause these tickets
were a little bit more expensive
than their normal tour runs and stuff.
So it's like a lot of people who,
this is a Friday night, so if you work like a dog all week,
you get your Fizz Show on Friday.
(laughing)
- That old chestnut.
- I mean, I'm sure you've heard that before.
- Yeah.
- I think that's what the song "Hard Day's Night" is about.
- So we're reading, now that the Baker's Dozen is over,
we got all the stats.
So Fizz sold 227,000 tickets, three of those were you,
and over the course of 13 nights,
they played for 34 hours, 33 minutes and 38 seconds.
And of those 13 shows and those 34 and a half hours--
- No repeats.
- No repeats of the song.
So-- - Sick.
- Did you know that going in?
Was that like the buzz ahead of time
that there was gonna be no repeats
or that's something people started to realize
over the course of the run?
- Again, my face in the fandom
is a little bit tangential at this point,
so I wasn't really hearing the chatter,
but it sort of like became apparent
after four or five nights and like,
not only were they not repeating,
but they had kept a lot of their true bangers
like had not appeared.
- Did you get any classic Fizz songs in your set
or did you show up and they're doing like a 45 minute
while my guitar gently weeps or something?
- I mean, I think that's, you know,
again, there's classics for everybody.
The one song actually that my friend Brian,
who I went to my first Fizz show with,
the one that we got at our first Fizz show,
which is I think still fairly rare,
it's called "Fluffhead."
- Great title.
- It's about this guy named Fluffhead,
he goes to a banker, he's trying to get some pills.
Yeah, it's a whole thing.
I think it pushes, you know,
depending on how long they jam for,
like 10 to 15 minutes.
Both Brian and I were very excited to get that
and they closed the second set with "Fluffhead,"
so you can imagine the place going crazy.
- Right, so opening notes of "Fluffhead,"
you and Brian, your boy, look at each other
and you're just like, "Holy (beep) man,
"they're playing 'Fluff.'"
- Essentially, yeah, Brian looks over and goes,
"Dude, it's 'Fluffhead.'"
- What percentage of that set did you know?
- 80%, 80%.
- Okay, you're ahead.
- Oh, truly.
- Impressive.
Any sick covers?
- Oh, dude, so my theme,
I don't know what you discussed about the Baker's Dozen, but--
- Oh no, actually explain it.
We didn't explain the weird theme stuff
of the Baker's Dozen.
- So I read an interview with Trey,
his own personal recap of the Dozen
was apparently this is just an age-old band joke
of if they played a Boston song
mashed up with a Cream song,
it's, you know, get Boston Cream.
- Sick.
- They extrapolated that out to a 13-night run
where every night had a theme donut flavor,
which I believe that they handed out
like 1,000 donuts per night of each flavor.
I did not get a donut, but my theme was Lemon Poppy Seed.
So the two Lemon songs were
See That My Grave Is Kept Clean
done by Blind Lemon Jefferson.
- Old blues song, yeah.
- And then I think more Time Crisis-friendly cover,
They Played Everything In Its Right Place.
- Okay. - Oh, by Radiohead.
- Yeah.
- Because it goes, ♪ Yesterday I was sucking a lemon ♪
- I think that's exactly the reason why they played it.
- So when they kicked into the Radiohead song,
are you putting it together?
Are you immediately thinking, ah, Lemon Night?
- Well, I will admit my engagement
with the nights that I didn't go to was somewhat less,
but I definitely did some poking around before.
- Right.
- Like once they announced the theme
like that morning or something,
that I sort of like, I was checking the chatter
and seeing what people were throwing out there.
I think the one that people most expected
was the Lemon song from Zeppelin,
but I think that was too on the nose.
But I see everything in its right place, like listed.
So when the electric piano sort of kicks in,
you're kind of like, nice. (laughs)
♪ Lovehead was a man ♪
♪ With a horrible disease ♪
♪ Could not find no cure ♪
♪ Won't you help him if you please ♪
♪ Lovehead ♪
♪ Lovehead ♪
♪ Love came to my door ♪
♪ Asking me for change ♪
♪ His eyes were clear and pure ♪
♪ But his mind was so deranged ♪
♪ Lovehead ♪
♪ Lovehead ♪
♪ Love went to a banker ♪
♪ Asking for some bills ♪
♪ The banker said, I ain't got that ♪
♪ But I sure got some powerful pills ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ Lovehead ♪
- And so, so this is like a pretty long show.
- Yeah, you know, around two, two 20, I wasn't timing it.
But you know, generally, we're talking like a basketball
game with overtime, so like two, two and a half.
- Okay, so one thing that we've been talking about, CT,
is Fish versus the Dead.
So when you got into Fish in high school,
were you already a Grateful Dead fan
or Grateful Dead meant nothing to you?
- I was aware of the Grateful Dead, you know,
like heard the classic rock radio songs.
Don't think I'd listened to an album,
was generally aware of their cultural position,
or, you know, like equated like Grateful Dead, hippies,
you know, a very reductive sense of it.
So I would say that I definitely got into Fish before
and then also way deeper than I ever did the Dead.
I mean, I'm a Dead fan, but I'm a Fish head, I would say.
- Do you think Fish is better than the Dead?
Is it more fun to be a Fish fan?
It seems like a really like fun culture to be a part of,
like, was that an element of it too?
Like outside of going to the shows and enjoying the music,
is it just like kind of fun to like go deep
with other Fish heads?
- Yeah, I mean, there's a certain tribal thing
that even as like early internet days,
Central New Jersey, 15 year old like myself,
if you get interested and like the spark hits,
there's just like mountains and upon mountains of like data
and like I had, I don't think I've thrown it away.
I bought like a physical encyclopedia
that had every set list of every show up to like 2000.
It was just a culture that connected
with my own innate sense of like archival detail.
- One thing that Jake said earlier is that
he doesn't respect Fish's songwriting.
It's not even about the jams or the musicianship.
He just loves Jerry as a songwriter
and there aren't any like Fish songs
that really speak to him,
but maybe you could set him straight.
Are there any like Fish songs that are not like the fun,
funky ones, but that you think are just like beautiful,
beautiful, good songwriting?
- The one that comes to mind is Brian and Robert
from "Story of a Ghost."
The things that I were drawn to,
especially like in the initial burst were like songwriting
and more like a sense of composition,
like a song like, yeah, whatever,
"You Enjoy Myself" or "Divided Sky."
I thought it was like very well-written, like musically.
I understand sort of the lyrical point.
Try Brian and Robert and see how that hits you.
- I have a question.
Is there a sense of like humor
with the less tasteful aspects of Fish?
Because in the dead culture, at least personally,
there is a sense of like, yeah,
everyone knows Bob Weir singing "El Paso"
is like kind of funny.
And it's like kind of dorky.
- Does Bob Weir know that?
- I don't think he does.
And I'm sure there's deadheads that are like ride or die
for Bob Weir doing "El Paso."
But to me, it's like part of like the charm of the dead
is that they could be so sublime
and transcendent and beautiful,
and then be so idiotic and like just do the dumbest,
terrible sounding versions of old country songs.
So I'm wondering if in Fish,
there's that sort of like humor about-
- The less than tasteful side of the threat.
- Yeah, like their own sort of, I don't know, idiocy.
- Well, I think that if always,
and also I would suggest like a true starting point,
even if you're somewhat Fish-phobic,
is watching "Bittersweet Motel."
- Oh, that's a Fish doc?
- It's worth your time.
It's directed by a young Todd Phillips,
who as we all know,
went on to create the "Hangover" trilogy.
- Wow.
And he did a doc on Gigi Allen as well.
- I think Fish saw that
and asked him to make a movie about that.
- Wow.
- I think it's like '97, like fall '97,
which is one of my personal favorite years.
I remember seeing that in the theaters in Rochester,
like the day before Thanksgiving,
whatever year it came out.
And like just being like so blown away
at like this sort of like inside peak
about like touring in general,
about this band that I really liked
and sort of only like heard,
I hadn't seen live yet at that point.
That comes to mind because
that really does show their personalities.
And I think that they definitely,
I agree with you that there's some of the same range there
where they can like,
some moments that they hit are like incredible,
that I feel like I've seen a few live.
I've like definitely like felt it
when I've listened to some stuff.
- Yeah.
- But it can also be like total goofballs.
- Yeah, they have a sense of humor about themselves.
- Absolutely.
- You're not gonna find Radiohead doing donut night
at Madison Square Garden.
(laughing)
- You never know.
- Yeah, maybe.
Maybe they'll loosen up a little.
- I mean, I think that's the future of touring.
Like you have an audience in like a region
that you can draw from,
they could be with their families,
they could sleep at home every night.
- Right, we gotta come up with a theme night.
- Okay, Halloween, New York,
vampire weekends, vampires weekend.
Friday and Saturday night,
different show, both nights.
- Or should it be three nights?
- I guess I would start off with two,
I was just being kind of cautious.
But yeah, sure, three, why not?
- I'd love to see you guys do three shows, no repeats.
- Oh, that's tough, the no repeats thing.
But we can get that.
- Only played A-Punk once, dude.
(laughing)
- I think we can do that with three shows.
- Close the third night with A-Punk.
- I think we just need to come up with a list
that's the songs that have to be repeated.
It's sort of understood, like sort of baseline.
And then there's--
- I don't know if the fans are gonna respect that, man.
I think we have to be no,
okay, okay, so let's do two nights, no repeats.
Eight minute Cape Cod for sure.
So fish to the baker's dozen.
- What's like a fun thing that comes in two?
Twix.
(laughing)
That's perfect, Vampire Weekend, Halloween Twix.
- Presented by Twix.
- Presented by Twix.
Each night we give you one of the Twix.
You gotta write your name on the wrapper
and we administer one Twix each night.
- No repeats.
- No repeats.
We wanna thank our corporate partner, Twix,
for sponsoring our two night no repeats.
- Played giving up the gun both nights.
(laughing)
- That would also be hilarious
if we planned out this whole thing
and then just randomly we played
giving up the gun both nights.
And we're just like, after we play it on the second night,
everybody's looking at us and we're just like,
oh dude, we're so sorry.
We're so sorry about that.
All right, CT, well thanks so much for calling in, man.
- Of course, Jake can ask you how do you,
you know, I'm sure you've probably
had this conversation before with people
not over FaceTime audio.
How do you feel about after this talk though?
I really think Bittersweet Motel is worth your time.
- The doc, I'd love to check it out
and I'm psyched to hear Brian and Robert.
I'm psyched to hear it.
Like I said, I have trouble connecting
with Trey's songwriting, but I'm dying to hear this song.
- All right, well I wish you Godspeed.
- I will talk to you later, CT.
- All right, see ya. - Thank you, bye.
- Beats one.
Ezra Koenig's Time Crisis.
Well, Jake, CT made a strong case for Fish, man.
Maybe you're gonna see that doc come back
tell the rest of the dudes in the Grateful Dead cover band,
guys, maybe we start working some fish into the set.
- I love that Todd Phillips went from G.G. Allen to fish.
- And then the hangover.
Quite a career.
Here, let's check out the song CT was talking about.
This is Brian and Robert.
Some late '90s fish.
(soft music)
On a scale of one to 10, 10 being the most tasteful,
how tasteful is the palette?
Pretty tasteful, okay.
♪ If you're just staring at your walls ♪
♪ Observing echoing footfalls ♪
♪ From tenants wandering distant halls ♪
Nice soft delivery.
♪ Then this one is for you ♪
♪ If children playing all around ♪
♪ To you is noise not pleasant sound ♪
♪ And you'd be lost on the playground ♪
♪ Then this one is for you ♪
♪ All alone in life you lead ♪
♪ In a silent diner where you feed ♪
♪ You bow your head pretend to read ♪
♪ Then this one is for you ♪
- Keybo's on the guitar.
♪ You slip past strangers in the street ♪
♪ There's no one that you'd care to meet ♪
- This could almost be like an early Flaming Lips song.
Is that fair?
- Sort of, yeah, the Flaming Lips version would be like,
noisy.
- Yeah.
♪ If you're just staring at your walls ♪
♪ Then this one is for you ♪
♪ If you're just staring at your walls ♪
♪ If you're just staring at your walls ♪
- All right, what do you think?
- It's cool.
- Tasteful?
- Yeah.
- It's not untasteful.
- Yeah, it's not really grabbing me one way or the other.
- It's cool.
- Okay, so still not a Fish fan?
All right, you gotta watch the doc.
I'm curious to watch the doc.
- Let's watch it.
- Yeah, let's check it out.
♪ One shot and I'm holding ♪
♪ But I don't care 'cause I'm golden ♪
♪ Woke up Sunday morning ♪
♪ With a song stuck in my head ♪
♪ I'm seeing things right before me ♪
♪ Used to own me but that's all me ♪
♪ And give it up was the best thing that they said ♪
♪ We almost had it all once again ♪
♪ All bets say they won't make it ♪
♪ Someday we'll have this thing figured out ♪
♪ 'Til then better go and tell 'em ♪
♪ Better go and tell 'em ♪
♪ We're gonna celebrate ♪
♪ So watch me as I levitate ♪
♪ We're gonna celebrate ♪
♪ So watch me as I levitate ♪
♪ Three o'clock in the morning ♪
♪ Under the moonlight another moment ♪
♪ Stretched out the centerfold ♪
♪ That I can't get out of my head ♪
♪ All these things that they told me ♪
♪ They used to want me but that's all me ♪
♪ We're going straight to the stars ♪
♪ 'Cause that's who we are ♪
♪ We almost had it all once again ♪
♪ All bets say they won't make it ♪
♪ Someday we'll have this thing figured out ♪
♪ 'Til then better go and tell 'em ♪
♪ Better go and tell 'em ♪
♪ We're gonna celebrate ♪
♪ So watch me as I levitate ♪
♪ There is a day, there is a night ♪
♪ Take it from us, don't skip a beat ♪
♪ No matter who you are ♪
♪ So watch me as I levitate ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm gonna celebrate ♪
♪ There is a night to fall ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm gonna celebrate ♪
♪ No matter who you are ♪
♪ So watch me as I levitate ♪
♪ There is a day, there is a night ♪
♪ 'Til the stars ♪
♪ We're gonna celebrate ♪
♪ We'll take the unmasked dust ♪
♪ So watch me as I levitate ♪
- All right, let's keep digging in the mailbag, man.
We're getting some real gold out of the mailbag this week.
- Yeah.
- You got another email that is kind of tied to the fish one
'cause it's also Vermont themed.
Let's get into it.
- I'll read this one.
- Okay.
- Hi Jake, my name is Sophia
and I'm a high school student from Vermont
and a long time TC listener and Vampire Weekend head.
Like any TC fan who abides by the core values,
I'm interested in corporate branding and history
and the tasteful palette of 70s rock.
Love it, that's a great start to an email.
However, I think you're ignoring the brand
that can give you both Ben and Jerry's.
I've done some research and concluded
that they are very on brand for the time crisis community
and wanted to share.
Very true.
- Yeah, she's not wrong.
Allow me to set the scene.
I love when people set the scene.
You know, I feel like that's also a very time crisis thing.
It's like when we hear somebody's story,
it's kind of like, set the scene for us, man.
Anyway, allow me to set the scene.
In 1978, Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield
commenced their first capitalist venture
and founded Ben and Jerry's, a bagel shop.
Oh, okay, already Sophia's dropping bombshells.
So Ben and Jerry's, these so-called ice cream guys,
they started with a bagel shop?
Okay.
When producing bagels proved too pricey,
they became a small homemade ice cream shop
here in Burlington and became very popular statewide
because of the large chunks of toppings.
That doesn't exactly sound appetizing.
The very large chunks of toppings found in their ice cream.
- So they were generous with like the cookie dough.
- Yeah, I guess-- - And like the Oreos.
- I guess before then, I mean, I'm guessing here,
1970, it's about the same time Sweet Martha started.
- Wow.
- I'm already loving this email.
I've always kind of wondered that.
Is Ben and Jerry's that good?
I mean, it's certainly good.
But it's like-- - Yeah, it's great.
- It's great?
Is it better than Haagen-Dazs?
- I can't weigh in.
I'm not a-- - Right.
Well, I've always-- - It seems like a lateral move.
- I've always been curious about like,
what was their innovation?
Was it just the branding?
But maybe to start, what got people excited,
at least in Vermont, was the very large chunks of toppings.
So, 'cause probably around that time,
I'm picturing 1978, I wasn't around,
that generally you go to the ice cream store,
you get a scoop of chocolate, vanilla, coffee,
maybe cookies and cream with a little something in it,
maybe you get some sprinkles, or jimmies,
as they're called in parts of the country, on top.
But this concept that you might be eating a bowl
of ice cream and get like a straight up--
- Just bite.
- Just big bite of like a--
- Butterscotch.
- Butterscotch or whatever.
That was a novel idea in 1978.
So you can picture probably like, the buzz gets around,
kinda similar to fish, people are like,
you know when you see fish,
they don't repeat a lot of songs, that speaks to me.
And somebody's like, you know what,
in Ben and Jerry's, we eat Ben and Jerry's,
you're gonna get very large chunks of toppings.
- You know what I love to think about?
- What?
- Our man Bernie Sanders, walking into that first
Ben and Jerry's store around 1978.
- Oh, 'cause he was there in Burlington.
- Yeah.
- He was about to be mayor.
- Yeah, he was mayor in the early 80s.
- He was like city councilman or something.
- You know that like Bernie Sanders and Ben and Jerry
had like, hangouts.
- Circa like 1981.
- Ben and Jerry's campaigned for Bernie.
Actually me and CT hung out with Ben and Jerry briefly.
- Wow.
- When we were campaigning for Bernie.
So Bernie's walking in there, he's checking it out,
and he's like, alright, small business,
Bernie could support a small business.
- Seems like a nice establishment.
- Seems like a nice establishment.
So you know, it's a little expensive,
but the very large--
- Little garish with these chunks of Butterfingers.
- I don't know why the chunks of toppings are so large.
I really lost my Bernie touch.
Okay, let's get back to the email.
The company began to gain momentum
throughout the early 1980s and grew into a national chain.
Wonder what Bernie thought of that.
- Didn't like it.
- During this time, the Pillsbury-owned
Haagen-Dazs ice cream brand began
strong-arming distributors, saying they could not
sell both brands.
Oh wow, this is gangster (beep)
- Yeah.
- So Haagen-Dazs is strong-arming distributors,
saying they could not sell both brands.
So just straight, that's amazing.
Haagen-Dazs is like hitting up a local Vermont
frozen food distributor, and being like,
"We're pulling the plug on your supply, man.
"If you keep selling Ben & Jerry's,
"we're not giving you Haagen-Dazs."
Trying to scare people.
In response, Ben & Jerry's launched
the What's the Doughboy Afraid of campaign,
and bought anti-Haagen-Dazs ads on banner planes,
buses, and even the ice cream pints themselves.
Eventually, enough angry people called Haagen-Dazs
to complain that they backed off,
and Ben & Jerry's grew even more commercially successful
through the '80s.
David & Goliath story.
Haagen-Dazs and Pillsbury tried to--
- Strong-arm. - Strong-arm them.
Ben & Jerry's shamed them.
Ben & Jerry's turned to the good people of Vermont,
and probably the whole Northeast, and said,
"Is this the kind of society we wanna live in?
"Where just a big company can tell us
"that we can't sell our ice cream?"
- I remember seeing a TV ad for Ben & Jerry's
in the mid '80s.
- Yeah.
- In the Northeast, and it was like so homemade.
It was like these two beardos.
- Yeah.
- It was like, "I'm Ben, I'm Jerry.
"We're making," and there's these fat hippies,
and we're just like--
- "We're making ice cream."
- "We're making ice cream."
And it was just like, and then it cut to this funny,
just homemade screen of just the most awkward yellow font
on a green screen.
Ben & Jerry's.
- Just like public access style.
- It was during a baseball game,
'cause that's all I watched when I was a kid.
- And you were just like, "Man, these guys seem cool."
- I remember thinking, "Wow, this is cut rate,
"aesthetically," 'cause then it would be
professional ads after that.
It would be an ad for a Ford dealership.
- So you were just--
- Or like, "Nobody Beats the Wiz."
- Okay, okay, but--
- And then it would just be like, in between that,
there'd be this cut rate, local access station
in Burlington.
- You're just like, big sound effects,
and just like, "You want a truck that's Ford tough?"
- Yeah.
- And then it just comes in, "Hey, man, I'm Ben.
"I'm Jerry, man."
Wait, so you're 10 years old watching this,
and the effect it had on you,
you were already so acclimatized to big money ads,
that you turned to your mom and dad and be like,
"Those guys suck, I hate them."
- No, I was intrigued.
It was super, kind of like my interest in lo-fi rock.
I was drawn to it.
I was like, "Who are these guys?"
I remember the ad had terrible sound,
just like a (imitates noise)
Just like, the worst noise level.
- It's like some Hollywood produced ad comes in,
and then suddenly, just like this hiss.
(laughter)
- "Hey, I'm Ben."
- "I'm Ben."
- "And I'm Jerry."
- "We're making ice cream."
(laughter)
(hip hop music)
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- Back to Sophia's email.
However, as you may be familiar with,
Ben and Jerry's top marketing strategy
over the last 30 years has been naming their flavors
after famous musicians and comedians.
(laughing)
- Oh, this is hilarious.
The very long list includes fish food
named after Burlington's own Sucky Jam Bet.
- Oh, Sophia!
- Shots fired from Sophia.
Wow.
Just a reminder.
- She's from Burlington.
- Sophia's a high school student from Burlington
and she refers to fish as a Sucky Jam Bet.
No hometown pride.
- Wow.
- A Sucky Jam Bet.
- I respect your assessment.
- Bohemian Raspberry is dedicated to Queen
and Satisfy My Bowl commemorates Bob Marley's
Satisfied My Soul.
- Oh my God.
♪ Satisfy my bowl ♪
- That kind of rubs me the wrong way, that one.
- That's rough.
- The Dave Matthews Band is the only figure
to have two flavors, One Sweet World and Magic Brownies.
- I don't get either reference.
- So DMB has two.
- That's ridiculous.
- Even Willie Nelson has his own flavor, Peach Cobbler.
(laughing)
- Okay.
- All right, that's cool.
It's in recognition of his Southern roots.
So they went to Willie--
- I thought he was from like Texas.
- Texas is the South.
- Yeah, it's not the South South, it's Texas.
It's different.
- Well, I don't know.
- You say Peach, I think of the Allman Brothers.
I think of Georgia.
- Who knows where he's from originally.
- I'm nitpicking, but it's like--
- Okay, but I think that was kind of funny too
to picture like Ben and Jerry's.
They go to, they're starting to become known
for going to like kind of like the kind vibe old musicians.
They go to Willie Nelson like,
"Hey Willie, man, you want to do like a cool flavor?
Like we got, you know, we got Satisfy My Bowl
for Bob Marley, we got Cherry Garcia."
And they're like, "What could we do for you, man?
Like what are some classic Willie Nelson songs?
Like You Were Always on My Mind."
- Bloody Mary Morning.
- Red Haired Stranger.
Oh yeah, that song Poncho and Lefty.
Mango and, I don't know, Mango and Ice T.
- I'm thinking Willie's like,
"Let's go 420 friendly on it, man."
- Oh yeah, Willie's also known for smoking up--
- He's known for smoking a lot of weed.
He could have easily done the like--
- Satisfy My Bowl.
- Satisfy My Bowl part two.
But instead Willie Nelson says,
"What flavor do you want?"
He just said, "Peach Cobbler."
- Phone and that one in.
- Yeah, just Willie, like what, even for his name,
it could have been like Chili--
- I'm thinking Bloody Mary Morning, dude.
- 'Cause that's his song, it's called Bloody Mary Morning.
- ♪ Bloody Mary Morning ♪
- So what are they gonna do, like a tomato based ice cream?
- That sounds rough.
Vodka and tomato based--
- Tomato based sorbet.
- It would also be hilarious if they like went
to some musician and they were just like,
"Hey, Phil Lesch from the Grateful Dead,
"we wanna do another Grateful Dead themed one.
"What's a fun Grateful Dead thing we could do?"
And Phil Lesch is just like,
"Well, you know, I always thought it'd be really cool
"to do a vanilla with yogurt covered pretzels
"mashed up in it."
And they're like, "Okay, cool man, so like what's the name?"
And he's just like, "Uh, vanilla yogurt.
"Vanilla yogurt pretzel mash."
And they're like, "Are you sure, Phil?
"You don't wanna call it like, nothing fun?"
He says, "No, vanilla yogurt pretzel mash.
"Nothing fancy."
- Phil Lesch's yogurt pretzel mash.
- Or if somebody's like, "You know guys,
"you could just slap my name on the vanilla.
"I'm not a complicated guy.
"You just go ahead and slap old Phil Lesch's name
"on the classic vanilla and I'm a happy camper."
- Okay.
- Just a simple huckleberry.
(laughing)
- Huckleberry sorbet.
- Colin just weighed in, "On the Rocky Road Again."
- Oh, for Willie.
- Oh, on the road again?
Oh yeah, that'd be so easy, "On the Rocky Road Again."
- That's just made to be.
- I'll just do peach cobbler.
♪ On the road again ♪
♪ Just can't wait to get on the road again ♪
♪ My my love is making music with my friends ♪
♪ I can't wait to get on the road again ♪
♪ On the road again ♪
♪ Going places that I've never been ♪
♪ Seeing things that I may never see again ♪
♪ I can't wait to get on the road again ♪
♪ On the road again ♪
♪ Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway ♪
♪ We're the best of friends ♪
♪ In the state that the world keeps turning our way ♪
♪ And our way ♪
♪ On the road again ♪
♪ Just can't wait to get on the road again ♪
♪ My my love is making music with my friends ♪
♪ I can't wait to get on the road again ♪
- I'm thinking of other musicians now.
I just thought of like, "Missed Opportunity with Prince,"
like a grape-based.
(laughing)
Is that a thing?
Do they make grape ice cream?
- You could have a grape sorbet.
- Okay.
- What's it called, granita?
- I don't know.
- It's a dessert.
Sure, you could make an artificial grape flavored ice cream.
I'm into that grape ice cream.
- I've never heard of that.
- Well, they missed the boat on that one.
- Or did raspberry sorbet.
- Oh yeah, raspberries.
Oh, that's so obvious, yeah.
It's gotta be raspberry sorbet.
(laughing)
But I love grape ice cream
'cause it just sounds like made up and so dumb.
- Grape ice cream?
- If Ben & Jerry's ever comes to me
and they wanna do a Vampire Weekend one,
- That would be sick.
- It'd be like, "Vampire Weekend grape ice cream."
(laughing)
- Not a big seller.
(laughing)
- And the whole thing is that
it's the least popular ice cream they do.
- Only available at the factory in cone form,
not available in pint form.
- Ben & Jerry's produces over 10 pints a year
of Vampire Weekend grape ice cream.
And they're losing their shirt on it.
- Yeah.
- It's just a money pit.
(laughing)
The grape ice cream.
- Oh my God, wait, so we,
our producer, Colin, just showed us an article.
- Okay, hold the phone, Sophia.
- Yeah, what's this?
- This is an article on Thrillist.
This is why no one makes grape ice cream
according to Ben & Jerry's.
As ubiquitous a flavor in snack foods,
grapes' absence from the ice cream world is glaring.
- Seriously?
- There are some truly bat (beep) theories
as to why grapes haven't made the jump
from vine to pint.
One is that grapes simply can't be frozen.
Another is that grape ice cream puts dogs
who may accidentally eat it at risk.
So it's--
- Wait, what?
- Okay, that's dumb.
Grapes are difficult fruit because of the water content.
But it's also not a very mainstream flavor for ice cream,
Greenwood said.
Most people don't even associate grape with ice cream.
People grew up on cherry and vanilla,
so now they love cherry-based ice cream.
- Grape has not broken through the creme de glace ceiling,
if you will.
Well, that's a lame answer.
The whole point of Ben & Jerry's
is supposed to be a trailblazer.
- Yeah, 'cause these are from some ex-hippies.
That's a pretty establishment view, man.
I just wanna say Ben & Jerry's,
so people of the Northeastern are saying to you,
why is there no grape ice cream?
And your answer is, you know, man,
it's not a very mainstream flavor.
Don't rock the boat, man, you know?
It's kinda just, you know, take what you're given.
- Cherry and grape seem pretty similar to me.
Like, if you're doing a cherry ice cream, do a grape.
- I love this grape ice cream thing,
and even though I don't know if it would taste good,
I wanna spearhead grape ice cream.
It could be a Vampire Weekend thing,
it could be a Time Crisis thing.
I just wanna--
- I feel like they need to get with some hipper bands.
- Ben & Jerry's?
- Like, they hit the jam band East Coast scene pretty hard.
- Yeah, it's time for some Vampire Weekend grape ice cream.
And you know what?
Ben & Jerry's doesn't wanna do it, that's fine.
- You know what they need to do is hook up with Ween.
- Chocolate and cheese.
- I always bring up Ween, but honestly, chocolate.
(laughing)
- Chocolate and cheese.
- But Ween is a perfect band to have a flavor at Ben & Jerry's
♪ Take a piece of tinsel and put it on the tree ♪
♪ Cut a slab of melon and pretend ♪
♪ That you still love me ♪
♪ Carve out a pumpkin and rely on your destiny ♪
♪ Get in your car and cruise the land ♪
♪ Of the brave and free ♪
♪ Don't forget to understand exactly ♪
♪ What you put on the tree ♪
♪ Don't believe the florist when he tells you ♪
♪ That the roses are free ♪
- Let's finish Sophia's email.
I love this grape ice cream idea, though.
Thank you so much, Sophia.
So she was talking about all the different bands,
the Fish Food, the Willie Nelson's Peach Cobbler.
However, before there was any of these,
there was Cherry Garcia,
named for Time Crisis favorite
and Grateful Dead front man, Cherry Garcia.
In 1986, Conan Greenfield received
an anonymous letter asking, according to Ben & Jerry's,
"Why don't you make a cherry flavor
"and call it Cherry Garcia?
"You know it will sell
"because dead paraphernalia always sells.
"We are talking good business sense here
"and it will be a good hoot for the fans."
Okay.
I love that, it's like 1986,
cracking open the mailbag,
Ben & Jerry's just get that,
make something called Cherry Garcia.
And so, okay. - Not a bad idea.
- Clearly they thought it was a good idea.
The flavor launched in 1987.
- Oh, it got right on it.
- Yeah, and according to Ben & Jerry's,
Caroline Garcia called to give the flavor a thumbs up,
but still no word on what Jerry himself thought.
Conan Greenfield received another letter that year
with the same handwriting,
this time on a Cherry Garcia lid.
It was Jane Williamson, taking credit for her idea.
In typical McDonald's Brothers fashion,
- Uh-oh.
- The only compensation Williamson ever received
was a one year supply of Ben & Jerry's.
- One year?
- Although, Cherry Garcia became the brand's
best selling flavor until 2016.
- What? - And has inspired
the company's leading marketing technique,
all while continuing to self-identify
as the folksy, whimsical hometown brand that it once was,
only growing more corporate with age.
Sophia, not a fan.
- Sophia's laying in here.
- She's laying into Ben & Jerry's.
Despite their left-leaning habits
promoting anti-climate change organizations
and endorsing our Bernie Sanders,
in 1995, the company's wage policy
that limited CEO salary to be just six times
that of a worker's died.
- Oof.
- Unfortunately with the Jerry Garcia,
and fell victim to the classic corporation activity.
By 1999, Ben & Jerry's was sold to the transnational
Dutch-British company Unilever,
the same year that they stopped sponsoring
the Newport Folk Festival,
ending an 11 year tradition that produced three live albums.
- It's time for
Corporate Food History.
(explosion)
Let's talk about it.
(mimics gunfire)
(laughs)
- That's a new drop we got.
- Love it.
- That's Yorma from The Lonely Island made that.
- Oh, tight.
- He'd been checking in on Tom Craces a little bit.
Love Lonely Island, one of my all-time favorite bands.
And he hit me up saying,
"Hey, if you guys ever need a drop, hit me up."
And I said, "We would love a drop."
- Loved him on Girls.
- And on Girls.
Actually, I acted with him in a scene on Girls.
- Wait, what was his character name?
It was like--
- Jonathan or something?
He was like an artist.
- But his last name was Jonathan?
- I can't remember.
- It was like Powers Jonathan or something?
- Oh yeah, something like that.
So comedian, actor, and musician.
So thank you for that, Yorma.
We appreciate it.
We'll be playing that many times.
So Corporate Food History.
- 1995, Jerry dies and they abolish the CEO pay limit?
- Yeah.
- That's perfect.
- I don't know if I'm reading this sentence correctly yet.
I don't know if she was trying to imply causation.
- No, man, I think it's like the zeitgeist.
- It was like--
- What was it again?
- Christmas '94, Ben and Jerry hanging out
with Jerry Garcia.
And he's just like, "You know, man,
"you know why I let you guys use my name to sell ice cream?
"'Cause you guys are cool, man.
"You only make six times as much
"as the average worker at your company.
"When you hear about these Wall Street fat cats
"making 200 times, that's pretty cool, man."
And they're like, "Yeah, Jerry, that's what we're all about."
And he's just like, "That's so cool, guys.
"I really appreciate that."
Six months later, the man dies.
- They're like, "You know what?"
- You know what?
- So in 1995, the lowest wage worker, Ben and Jerry's,
is like, what do you think they're making?
Like 18,000 a year?
- They might've been doing six times
that of the average worker.
So maybe the average worker's making 25 grand, I don't know.
- Okay, so they're making like--
- 150 a year each?
- Yeah.
- That's not a lot for when you're owning
a huge, huge company like that.
- That's a pretty big temptation for any human being.
Do you think that you'd be able to stay the course, man?
You start an ice cream company,
and you're making good money.
Let's make it by like modern standards.
You start an ice cream company,
you're making good money, man.
You're making 300 grand.
Any American who's making 300 grand--
- Is doing great. - Is doing great.
But at the same time, you start making 300 grand,
you know, maybe you move to a nicer house,
now you gotta pay the butlers, all these things.
Suddenly your monthly burn is going way up.
- Yep.
- You start hanging out with Dave Matthews, Willie Nelson.
Dave Matthews is like, "Hey man, I'm taking a yacht
"around the Mediterranean this summer, love for you to join."
And you're like, "Oh, I'd love to too."
And he's like, "Yeah man, if you just fly out,
"if you fly the family out to the south of France,
"you can jump right on."
Looking at the books, you're like,
"Well, that plane ticket's for my whole family,
"it's gonna cost $15,000 right there."
And then you're like, "My company's making millions
"every year, am I dumb for only taking 300 grand?"
Little by little, you start to be more and more
disconnected from the average worker.
You're living that Dave Matthews lifestyle.
Are you gonna one day look at Jerry--
- It's not worth it, man.
- And just say, "You know what, dude?"
Would you bump your salary up?
- It's not worth it, man.
- What's not worth it?
- Not if your reputation is grounded in the fact
that you're a local--
- Okay, but you're--
- You're a local company where you're representing
the sort of--
- The working person.
- Exactly.
- But you're telling me that the fact that maybe
a few Burlington lefty types might be dragging
your name through the mud, is that gonna really
harsh you out when you're just--
- Well, look at Sophia's email, man.
- You're coasting through the Mediterranean
on Dave Matthews' yacht, eating lobsters,
shrimps, and steak.
You're just cruising, looking at a beautiful
crystal clear blue water.
Dave is literally just playing Crash
on an acoustic guitar next to you.
You really think that you're gonna be thinking
about the little guy back in Burlington?
- What I'm saying is the hit on your reputation
is not worth it if that's what you built
your reputation on.
Look at Sophia's email.
She's a high school student in 2017 writing this email.
- Yeah.
- With this sort of embittered attitude
towards Ben and Jerry's, a local company.
- Right.
- And she's like, "Look at these clowns,
"these fat hippies, they sold out."
- She doesn't like fish either.
- Oh, Sophia's got her head screwed on straight.
- Time Crisis with Ezra King.
Beats.
One.
- That's funny.
- What?
- Think about people who are like,
pissed at Ben and Jerry's.
- Yeah.
- For quote unquote selling out.
- Yeah.
- And then they're like, "It's still really good though."
- Oh yeah, of course.
- They're like in the 7-Eleven,
like a little drunk or something,
and they're just like, "Oh man, chunky monkey."
- Yeah.
I mean look, when you're getting high,
lot of different ways to say it.
- On your own supply.
- Getting high on your own supply.
Especially these days, kids like to hit dabs,
get you real high.
So you're walking over to that 7-Eleven,
you're real high.
You're probably feeling a little paranoid, man,
if Ben and Jerry's sold out,
who's to say that everybody around me hasn't sold out?
Maybe this whole thing's a simulation.
Maybe Ben and Jerry's,
based on their trajectory from 1978 to the present,
became such a huge evil corporation,
that they eventually created the simulation
that we all live in.
And are harvesting organs from us
in some Matrix-like reality.
So you might be having all sorts of weird paranoid thoughts,
but at the same time, when those munchies kick in,
and you're looking at the ice cream section,
and you know you want very large chunks of toppings
in your ice cream,
you're not gonna get Haagen-Dazs, man.
Not gonna get Friars.
- Outlandishly sized chunks of Butterfingers
in your ice cream.
- I should have known.
- Outlandishly sized.
- It's like, Bernie turns on Ben and Jerry's.
I should have known in 1978,
when I first encountered the outlandishly large
chunks of Butterfingers in your ice cream,
that your greed knew no bounds.
- Ben and Jerry's recently announced
they'll be introducing a new flavor,
Rockstar Energy Drink.
(laughing)
- Teaming up with Five Hour Energy.
Ben and Jerry's.
- Full time crisis.
- Coming full circle.
- Five Hour Energy, Ben and Jerry's.
- That's sick.
Anyway, back to Sophia's email.
I just thought it was interesting
how two self-identified deadhead hippies
decided to try their hands at brass knuckled capitalism,
and still support liberal politics,
despite profiting from right-wing
corporate dirtbag activity.
And I thought you guys might too.
Thanks for taking the time to read my email.
Love the show, Sophia.
P.S. An eight minute Hannah Hunt
would make an excellent addition
to the next waves of vampire shows.
That's what I'm talking about.
I love that.
- I'm pumped.
- Not only is Sophia supporting the LP4,
eight minute VW era,
she's also awakening us to what's happening
behind the scenes in Burlington.
Okay, I mean, is it fair to say that Ben and Jerry's
are doing brass knuckled capitalism?
- I don't know.
- I guess the bar is so low these days.
- It's sort of like, to expand your business
beyond the bounds of what you originally thought possible,
is that contradictory ethically to being a liberal?
I don't know.
No, we live in a capitalistic society.
I mean.
- Maybe there's an inherent contradiction
in being capitalistical liberal.
- They're businessmen.
- Yeah.
Can you be a kind of vibe businessman?
That's the question.
- Outlandish chunks.
- These outlandish chunks.
- Yeah, I mean the five hour energy guy.
- Many of our citizens in Burlington
have to eat generic store-bought ice cream,
flavors like vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,
nary a chunk to be found,
while the Wall Street fat cats,
Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield.
- Are gorging themselves.
- On outlandishly large chunks of Heath bars,
brownies.
- Chocolate chip cookie dough.
- Chocolate chip cookie dough.
And even in the case of their Willie Nelson themed
ice cream, peach cobbler.
- In fact, I hear a word of a Jimmy Buffet themed ice cream
with outlandishly large chunks of frozen banana.
- Frozen banana.
♪ Work all night and drink a rum ♪
♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪
♪ Stock banana till the morning come ♪
♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪
♪ Come Mr. Tallyman, tally me banana ♪
♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪
♪ Come Mr. Tallyman, tally me banana ♪
♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪
♪ Live six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch ♪
♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪
♪ Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch ♪
♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪
- Are you ready for the top five?
- Yep.
- It's time for the top five on iTunes.
- Boom.
This week on the top five,
we're comparing the top five Billboard hits of today.
We're going off script here, not going iTunes.
- Okay.
- We're going Billboard to Billboard.
Top five hits of Billboard right now.
Top five hits of Billboard, 1979.
Why 1979?
- That's the first year that Martha started selling cookies.
- That's right.
- At the Minnesota State Fair.
- First year that Sweet Martha and Gorgeous Gary
started selling their wares at the Minnesota State Fair.
- August of 1979.
- August 1979, Sweet Martha's gearing up
for her first Minnesota State Fair.
- She's calling suppliers.
- Right.
- She's trying to hire people.
- We all know she loves the Eagles,
but you know, throw on the radio, you might've heard this.
The number five song.
- Mack? - 1979.
Oh yeah.
- LA's own, The Knack.
- That's right.
♪ Oh my little pretty one, my pretty one ♪
♪ When you gonna give me some time, Sharona ♪
♪ Oh you make my motor run, my motor run ♪
♪ Gunning coming off my back ♪
- What would you call this, Jake?
New Wave?
Punk rock?
We're not a New Wave band, we're a punk rock band.
Do you ever hear that Dead Kennedys song
called Pull My Strings?
- Oh yeah.
- And they play this song.
- Yeah.
(imitates music)
So they didn't think the song was cool.
- No, they're making fun of it.
- Oh.
- I mean, but the Dead Kennedys were like the extreme
of like punk righteousness.
But it's actually a really funny song.
♪ A mystery, a kiss to make it ♪
♪ Running down the length of my thigh, Sharona ♪
- I know people really are ride or die for the knack.
- Yeah.
- I've never dug deep.
But I know people love the knack.
- One thing that I know is that Sharona's a real person
and she's a real estate agent in LA.
- That's right, I'd heard that.
- And sometimes you see her name on stuff, Sharona Alperin.
- Wow.
- Okay.
- That's a cool guitar part.
- Yeah.
- It's not bad.
♪ When you're gonna get to me, get to me ♪
Is it just a matter of time, Sharona?
Is it just a destiny, to destiny,
Or is it just a game in my mind, Sharona?
I'm never gonna stop.
Give it up. Such a dirty mind.
I always give it up for the touch of the upper kind.
My, my, my, yeah.
Whoo!
My, my, my, my, yeah.
Whoo!
My, my, my, my, Sharona.
My, my, my, my, Sharona.
My, my, my, my, Sharona.
My, my, my, my, Sharona.
The number five song in 2017.
I wonder if it's going to be another kind of feel good
guitar-based new wave kind of song.
I'm thinking yes.
Whoo!
Oh, no.
This has got legs, this song.
This song's huge.
This has been in the charts for six, eight months.
Yeah, this song came out November 18, 2016.
Yeah, I remember us joking about this.
This song's pushing 10 months.
I remember joking about this, like, in January,
when Trump got inaugurated.
Yeah.
Is this song better than "My Sharona by the Neck"?
Better.
Straight up?
No, I don't know.
This is a funny question.
Is it better?
I'm asking you a straightforward question, Jay.
I like it more.
You like "That's What I Like" by Bruno Mars more than--
I do.
I've never been a "My Sharona" fan.
Wow.
The number four song this week in 1979.
Everyone over the age of 35 is just
losing their mind right now.
"The Neck," dude.
How could he not like "The Neck"?
How do you not like "The Neck"?
OK.
The number four song is by a guy called Jon Stewart.
The song is called "Gold."
I don't even know this.
Oh, I know this.
This is some classic Sirius XM bridge station.
Oh, they say Stevie Nicks is on this song.
Oh, and Lindsey Buckingham produced it.
I mean--
It kind of sounds like Fleetwood Mac.
(SINGING) Re-en-ing.
Is this like when Drake gives a song away
to like another guy in the crew?
Oh.
(SINGING) --the California town.
Oh, dude, Jon Stewart, I think, was a--
Was he an older guy?
I think he was like a '60s folk singer.
And here's the thing.
I even want to say Jon Stewart wrote songs for like the Monkees.
Oh, wow.
(SINGING) --and we're riding over Canaan.
There's Stevie.
I could be wrong on that.
I feel like Jon Stewart wrote "Daydream Believer."
Oh, wow.
But I could be wrong on that.
[music - "daydream believer"]
(SINGING) Yeah, my buddy Jim Batts, he's a working pump
and gas, and he makes $2.50 for an hour.
Yeah, let's raise a big in his hands--
I like he sounds like an old folk singer here.
He sounds super old.
(MUMBLING) Yeah, probably.
I was actually really shocked when his voice came in.
It was like this kind of--
Weird that that was a hit.
This like chilled out Fleetwood Mac.
(SINGING) --the music in the cold.
[music - "daydream believer"]
You know what it kind of sounds like?
It sounds like some weird--
actually, this is very disrespectful,
because I think it's cool.
I've got to be clear about that.
But if you told me that was like a weird bootleg
tape of an older dude doing Neil Young karaoke,
and this is like some Neil Young song I didn't know--
(SINGING) --no, no, no.
It's like a very Neil Young melody.
Yeah.
(SINGING) The story is there for the taking.
And I'm driving over camp--
You're not going to believe this.
My uncle sometimes gets [bleep] faced on the weekends.
And I just caught him out in the shed just doing this like
weird Neil Young karaoke.
And I like taped a little bit on my phone.
It's cool, though.
Shout out to you, John Stewart.
(SINGING) I've been to Hollywood.
I've been to Redwood.
I've been a miner for a heart of gold.
OK, and the number four song on the charts right now.
Oh, it's a rock song.
You're going to like this one, Jake.
All right.
Rock's not dead.
Listen to those hard hitting rock drums.
(SINGING) First things first, I'ma say all the words
inside my head.
I'm fired up and fired up the way that things are going.
I love the John Stewart into this.
Yeah.
(SINGING) The way that things are going.
So much more like professional.
I know.
(SINGING) Second thing, second, don't you
tell me what you think that I can be.
I'm the one at the sale.
I'm the master of my CEO.
The master of my CEO.
Have you seen the music video for this song?
No.
What's that?
Is it a good video, Seinfeld?
It's awful.
Dolph Lundgren is in it.
Oh, that's cool.
It looks like it costs like $300 to $400 to make.
Like intentionally?
Are they having fun?
It's like low budge?
You know when things are like so HD that they
look weirdly low budget?
Oh, OK.
It's like that.
You got to be careful about that.
It looks like a weird Spanish language soap opera.
Yeah, there's like a boxing narrative.
Whoa.
It's like multi-layered.
What was that?
Imagination Dragons.
OK.
[vocalizing]
I get it.
[vocalizing]
I get it.
That [bleep] gets you fired up.
Kind of like a Nine Inch Nails vibe slightly.
Yeah, almost.
This is great music for like a bad boy pro baseball
player to come out to.
Spit on the ground.
Now batting.
Right.
For the Houston Astros.
Yeah, one of the last guys in the league still chewing.
Yeah.
I don't follow baseball anymore.
I don't know if anyone still chews tobacco.
6'5", 245 pounds.
They don't announce that when you're going to bat.
That'd be amazing.
Now batting for the Minnesota Twins, Chuck Knobloch.
5'3", 160.
They don't do that in baseball?
No.
Wait, but I feel like I've been to a baseball game--
Boxing.
OK, but I feel like I've been to a baseball game
where they, on the screen, they might say the guy's
hiding away.
Oh, yeah, they might have that on the screen,
but they don't announce it.
OK, well, I think--
So many baseball players are just like--
Now batting, John Crook, 5'11", 280 pounds.
Shout out to Imagine Dragons.
Oh, my god.
I also want to point out to a lot of people
out there who think it's Imagination Dragons,
it's Imagine Dragons.
You could keep that extra syllable to yourself.
Ezra, if you were a major league ballplayer,
what would be your walk-up music?
Besides Imagine Dragons, I'm a believer.
I'm trying to be serious.
If I randomly was actually good at baseball
and I was still myself--
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you were just really good--
If I just had--
You got drafted out of high school.
If I had a rookie of the year scenario,
I broke my arm, and then suddenly my pitch got crazy.
You were the top-rated pitcher in high school.
OK, all right, but that gets confusing,
because then I'm like, well, who am I?
No, no, no, no.
How did I get so good?
I want the--
Pay me the picture.
No, but OK, it's still your same taste in music.
OK.
And then you're like 21, and you're a rookie
on the New York Yankees.
OK, OK.
I'm trying to be really--
So sincere.
--take this seriously.
Realistically, if I had randomly been great at baseball,
and then I somehow was like playing for the Yankees at 21,
probably my thing, especially back then in the mid-2000s,
I would have to be the hipster baseball player.
Well, I would have two choices, because around that same time
in my life, I was getting interested in preppy fashion.
So either I could have started a preppy band,
or I could have been the preppy baseball--
maybe hipster versus preppy baseball player.
Because, yeah, other guys have so much personality,
it might be based on where they're from,
if they're from another country.
That can be part of--
Sure.
--the mystique, some of them.
Or even if they're from America, there's
the kind of like guy who could be like from down south,
Kenny Powers type dude.
But for me, I'm just a guy from New Jersey
playing for the Yankees.
If I really want to make a splash,
I'd have to kind of come out.
So yeah, I would have the choice between being the hipster
Yankee or the preppy Yankee.
Either way, I'd be kind of like a villain.
So I might as well play it up, kind of like
professional wrestling style.
I actually probably know more about the WWE
than I know about baseball anyway.
So I would be the preppy Yankee, and I
would wear like a pink polo shirt under my Yankees uniform
and pop it.
Not an option.
And I would come out--
Ownership's going to lose their mind.
--super WWE, this is like super pro wrestling.
When I would come out after like, you know,
Kenny Powers comes out--
So you're a pitcher.
--comes to-- no, no.
Well, this is me coming to bat.
OK, yeah.
So after Kenny Powers comes out and strikes out
to Imagination Dragons, then I come out.
And then they just play like some classical music,
like the Masterpiece Theater music.
Oh my god.
But then also--
You have a tray with Grey Poupon on it.
Yeah, no, but also before I come out, my butler--
I get like my buddy to dress up as a butler,
and he comes out.
He has a little brush, and he brushes the plate for me.
Oh my god.
And then he kind of brushes my way as I come,
and I say, thank you.
Everybody's just booing.
It's like, oh, I hate that guy.
And then I'm kind of listening, and I'm just kind of like--
you know, I'm just being a pro wrestler.
I'm looking at the crowd, and I'm like, oh, you don't like me?
Oh, I don't care.
And then I'll be sitting like, very good, Jeeves.
You may leave.
And then I knock it out of the park, and everybody's just
like, oh, I hate this guy.
Then you pop up to second base.
That's the problem.
That's why baseball players can't do that stuff,
because they're like-- are always just like striking.
What does that mean, to pop up to second base?
Like, you just like hit a pop-up.
Oh, and then they--
And the second baseman just catches it.
Like, this is the most undramatic ending to a bat.
Wait, what?
Baseball--
There's no way you could do--
People find baseball so boring.
Wouldn't it be so funny if baseball players could--
But this is what I'm saying.
--be more like wrestlers?
I love the idea.
I think it's hilarious.
But the problem is, you can't front like that,
and then you're failing at best like 67% of the time.
Right, because--
Because like--
--in wrestling, you can choreograph what happens.
But like, the best baseball players
are still going to like strike out, ground out, whatever.
And so like, after all that sort of pomp and circumstance,
you can't just like ground out on the second pitch.
Right, well--
You just look like an idiot.
OK, we would start--
Every bat--
Right, we would have to start making baseball fake.
You have like 600 bats a year.
Every time.
[interposing voices]
I was just-- you imagine that I was like--
and I was like a funny name.
People say baseball's long now.
Right.
I was like--
the games become five hours with all
this like pomp and circumstance.
Make baseball fake.
Yeah.
My baseball title, I'm Lord Hataway.
Oh my god.
That's my name.
So then you're like, at bat--
At bat.
--at six feet tall--
I want to show away.
--165 pounds.
You're bulked up.
I'm bulked up at that point.
185.
185 pounds of pure muscle.
Lord Hataway.
It's like an away game.
We're playing in Boston.
The Red Sox fans are like, oh god, I hate this guy.
Just like I come out like, oh, what's that?
What did you say?
You're in the dugout later with your homemade grape ice cream.
Oh, yeah.
Just--
I'm going to get out of this.
I've got like a little scarf on and the camera's fidgeting.
It looks like Lord Hataway's eating
some homemade grape ice cream.
My butler's right next to me.
Yo, that would be so sick if baseball was more like that.
After every home run that Lord Hataway hits,
he hits his grape ice cream as a celebratory scoop.
I knock it right out of the park.
Knock it right out.
That expression.
Your ease with baseball lingo.
It's like 1920s.
You knock it right out of the park.
I knock it right--
I knock it right out of the park.
And everybody's like, home run.
And everybody in Boston is like groaning.
Like, oh my god, I hate the Yankees.
And I especially hate Lord Hataway.
And then everybody's like, all right.
And I'm just standing there.
And the umpire's like, all right, round the bases.
Round the bases, Lord Hataway.
And I'm just like, put up my finger like, one minute.
The bubble comes back out with the grape ice cream.
And I just have to take a few spoonfuls.
Like, [smacking lips]
And I just-- I very slowly walk around.
People are just like throwing bananas at me.
Let's make baseball fake.
Fake baseball with more characters.
There could be a guy who comes out.
He's like a knight.
He bats with like a sword.
[laughter]
There could be like--
Bats with a sword.
There could be like scary guys like The Undertaker.
Maybe his baseball bat looks like it's like a bone.
It's got face paint on it.
Maybe like a relief pitcher that comes in and like
douses the ball and gas lights it.
Yeah, just throws it.
A fireball.
Maybe we could do like Summer League,
like Cape Cod Summer League.
Except it's like--
Cape Cod, dude.
It's Ezra and Jake's Time Crisis Presents Fake Baseball.
And it's just like people-- yeah, throwing the balls on fire.
Yeah.
[laughter]
Animals.
Dudes are in armor.
Yeah.
[laughter]
I love this idea.
OK.
[siren]
The number three song in 1979 was Barbara Streisand.
A song called The Main Event.
Not familiar.
No.
I don't know her career at all.
[music - "extra"]
(SINGING) Extra.
Extra.
I'm in love.
I gotta thank my lucky stars.
I gotta thank.
This is from an American sports romantic comedy
film called The Main Event.
American sports romantic comedy?
Not familiar.
Oh.
Love that genre.
Major League was in that genre.
This is like they're kind of trying to do their own version
of Last Dance.
(SINGING) We make love.
You're my every thought.
You're my one attraction.
You must be heaven sent.
You give me so much satisfaction.
You're the one.
You make love worth fighting for.
You're the one.
There's nobody quite like you.
You're the one.
Extra.
Extra.
I'm in love.
I gotta thank my lucky stars above.
Hurry.
Hurry.
Don't be late.
I can't wait.
I gotta celebrate.
It's a fact.
We got a first rate at your service.
We make love.
The Main Event.
OK.
It's fun.
OK.
A little like light disco from Barbara.
What are you going to say about that?
Let's get back to our era.
The number three song.
Oh, I love this song.
French Montana featuring Sway Lee, Unforgettable.
You know this one, Jake?
I don't think I do.
One cool thing about this song is the chorus is like 40 seconds.
This is the chorus.
It's not good enough for me since I've been with you.
Oops.
It's not going to work for you.
Nobody can equal me.
No, no.
I'm going to sit on the stage.
When I'm fucked up, I should know how to fix it.
I'm going to catch the rhythm while she push up against me.
Ooh, she tipsy.
I had enough gumbo for 24.
Gumbo?
I peeped you from across the room.
Pretty little body dancing like a bow.
Hey, hey.
And you are unforgettable.
Like some people think this is the chorus,
but really the entire thing is the chorus.
I didn't hear a change.
This is like Positively 4th Street, no change.
Yeah, but he's like the hook.
French Montana hasn't even gotten in yet.
The hook is over a minute long.
Are we still in the hook?
Yes.
Now here's the verse.
You thought he said--
it's a good lyric.
He says--
I had enough gumbo for 24?
No.
Is that what he said?
He said, I had enough gumbo.
He says, I had enough convo for 24.
What do you think that means?
OK, he's talked enough for 24 hours.
Yeah.
I thought he meant he ate enough gumbo for 24 people.
I felt like gumbo, like I'm good.
Yeah.
[music - "it's not good enough for me"]
(SINGING) Just talk bubbly in the club.
It's not good enough for me.
Then he comes in again, the very beginning of the hook.
It's not good enough for me.
Same lyrics?
Yeah.
[music - "it's not good enough for me"]
(SINGING) I'm gonna sit on the straight.
When I'm fucked up, I should know how to pick up.
I'm gonna catch the rhythm while she push up against me.
Who is she tipsy?
This might be the longest chorus ever.
(SINGING) I had enough gumbo for 24.
I peeped you from across the room.
He's just kind of selling his thing gumbo.
(SINGING) --little body dancing like a goat.
And you are unforgettable.
I need to get you alone.
Ooh, why not?
I'm getting tired of hearing nobody.
I got a little drink, but it's not for the party.
If you love the girl, then I'm so, so sorry.
I gotta give it to her like we ain't on the lyrics.
Oh, like we ain't on the rhythm.
No, no, I won't tell nobody.
You're on your level too.
Trying to do what lovers do.
You ain't enough for me.
Too much for you.
Alone.
Baby, go grab some bad, bad [bleep]
and bring them home.
Know the jet's on me.
I'ma curve my best for you, you know.
So pick up that dress for me.
Leave the rest on.
Too much gumbo for 24 hours.
When you stand next to 24 guys.
She left her man at home.
She don't love him no more.
I want your mind and your body.
Don't mind nobody.
'Cause you don't ever hurt nobody.
Baby, go work your body.
Work your body.
You are unforgettable.
I need to get you alone.
Now you want to.
Just talk totally in between.
Why not?
Oh, like we ain't on the rhythm.
No, no, I won't tell nobody.
You're on your level too.
Trying to do what lovers do.
Great song.
I had enough gumbo for 24.
Very full.
Swayly great.
Outlandish pieces of shrimp.
Shrimp in this gumbo.
Seasoned shrimp.
The number two song in 1979.
Donna Summer, "Bad Girls."
It's kind of a rough '79, I gotta tell you.
I mean, this song's--
John Stewart and then the Streisand.
And my Sharona's kind of--
Yeah, it's pretty rough.
Classic produced by Georgia Maroder.
OK.
Very tight horns.
And also the--
that crazy whistle.
Yeah.
The inspiration for Summer to write this song
came after one of her assistants was offended
by a police officer who thought she was a street prostitute.
So maybe the whistle's like a policeman's whistle.
One of her assistants.
[music - donna summer, "bad girls"]
Bad girls.
Talking 'bout bad girls.
See them out on the street at night.
What?
Picking up on kinds of strangers.
Did the rises right.
You can't score, and you pop your sights.
But you want a good time.
You ask yourself who they are.
Like everybody else, they come from here and from the world.
Bad girl.
Bad girl.
Talking 'bout the sad girl.
Sad girl.
Yeah.
The sad girl.
Bad girl.
Talking 'bout bad girls.
Yeah.
Friday night, and the strip is hot.
Hot.
Sun's gone down, and they're out to try.
Out to try.
Spirits high, and legs look high.
Do you want a good time?
Now don't you ask yourself.
Who they are.
Like everybody else, they want to do so.
Best song of '79 so far.
Cool.
Tight.
The number two song in 2017, DJ Khaled featuring Rihanna and
Bryson Tiller.
Remember this one?
Another one.
It's like a rewrite of a Santana song from the late '90s.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it's also a rewrite of a song from the late '90s.
A rewrite of On The One?
Yeah, that's just the other song from his album.
But it had the same "We the best music."
Oh, he says that on all his songs.
Really?
Like literally the same sample?
That's a good question.
But it's good.
He says that on every single song.
It's like his sonic tag.
Down the night.
'Cause I can listen to things that I don't like.
Like track nine.
Okay, you're putting on his record.
Yeah.
Track one.
"We the best music."
Cool.
Track two.
You see where I'm going?
Yeah.
He also says DJ Khaled.
DJ Khaled.
So just like track nine.
Okay, you know what, actually, all his songs are great.
♪ Let's go ♪
♪ I'm hoppin' on my body tag ♪
♪ You know there's cookies for the bag ♪
Yes, Jake, to answer your question,
DJ Khaled says that on probably most of his songs.
I'm curious about the ones he doesn't say it on.
That's what I want to hear.
It's branding.
This is a shame.
He's pushing a little hard.
They're just like bringing him track nine.
They're like, "All right, so, Khaled,
what do you want us to put the shout signature?"
And he's like, "Not on this one."
Yeah, this one's a little too personal.
Yeah.
And a little too close to home.
I don't want to put it on there.
Maybe that is the case.
The number one song in 1979.
Yeah.
Okay, you know what?
I admit it was kind of a rough 1979 week.
But this is unequivocally a great song.
Clash?
♪
You think Clash had a number one single in 1979?
I don't know.
Keep Dreamin'.
MJ?
He probably did in 1979.
Chic.
Uh-huh.
Not a fan?
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
♪ We are ♪
Yeah, it's okay.
It's like the dawn of summer.
It's weirdly similar.
I mean, the production's incredible.
And this, of course, is what's sampled in Rapper's Delight.
Right.
Oh, okay, yeah.
♪
♪ We are the good times ♪
♪
♪ Good times ♪
Yeah, '79 really had its own sound.
This, the dawn of summer.
Yeah, this is kind of like the final peak of disco.
♪
♪ We are the good times ♪
♪
♪ Happy days are here again ♪
♪ The time is right for making friends ♪
♪ Now, you ever gone over to a friend's house to eat ♪
♪ And the food just ain't no good ♪
♪ I mean, the macaroni's soggy, the peas are wet ♪
♪ And the chicken tastes like wood ♪
That's my favorite verse.
It's widely considered to be the worst verse on Rapper's Delight.
But I also just love all the other guys on Rapper's Delight.
The chicken tastes like wood.
Obviously, they didn't really know at the time
that this was gonna go on to become
probably one of the most influential songs
in the history of the world.
And the other guys' verses are all cool
and probably taught so many people how to rap.
♪ Hip hop, hip to the hip, to the hip, hip hop ♪
Like, kind of do these weird plays on words.
Very influential music.
And then you get to verse four,
and they're just kind of like, "All right, what are you gonna do?
"You can't do the hip to the hippie,
"and you can't do the cool chant stuff.
"Hotel, motel."
And you're like, "What are you gonna do?"
And he's like...
"I'm gonna do the most banal subject matter possible."
Everybody else's sounds good.
"Overcooked chicken."
And it's...
Time Crisis with Ezra Keeney.
♪ ♪
♪ I said hip hop to hippity to hippity to hip hip hop ♪
♪ And you don't stop ♪
♪ Rock it out, baby, bop it to the boogity bang bang ♪
♪ The boogity to the boogity beat ♪
♪ Now what you hear is not a test ♪
♪ I'm rappin' to the beat ♪
♪ And me, the groove, and my friends ♪
♪ Are gonna try to move your feet ♪
♪ You see, I am Wonder Mike ♪
♪ And I like to say hello ♪
♪ Up to the black, to the white, the red and the brown ♪
♪ To the purple and yellow ♪
♪ But first I gotta bang bang the boogity to the boogity ♪
♪ Say up, jump the boogity to the bang bang boogity ♪
♪ Let's rock, you don't stop ♪
♪ Rock the rhythm and I'll make your body rock ♪
♪ Go so far, you've heard my voice ♪
♪ But I brought two friends along ♪
♪ And next on the mic is my man Hank ♪
♪ And come on, Hank, sing that song ♪
♪ Check it out ♪
Yeah, that verse is incredible.
It's like, yeah, truly, like, obviously, a lot of people were rapping at the time,
but this is the song that took it global.
Oh, and that other great one.
"I'm Imp the Dimp, the lady's pimp."
Another classic line.
All of it's good.
The kind of, like, sex ones.
Master G's verse is crazy.
I'm scrolling through the whole thing.
Okay, here it is.
♪ Have you ever went over to a friend's house to eat ♪
♪ And the food just ain't no good ♪
♪ I mean, the macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed ♪
♪ And the chicken tastes like wood ♪
♪ So you try to play it off like you think you can ♪
♪ By saying that you're full ♪
♪ And then your friend says, "Mama, he's just being polite ♪
♪ He ain't finished, uh-uh, that's a bowl" ♪
♪ And you're like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" ♪
♪ And you're like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" ♪
♪ And you're like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" ♪
♪ And you're like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" ♪
♪ And you're like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" ♪
♪ And you're like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" ♪
♪ And you're like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" ♪
- I was looking at my cheese. - I'm actually pretty touched
when I look at that whole verse, because, again,
it's literally the last verse of "Rapper's Delight,"
so it's far and away the most forgotten verse,
'cause that's a long song, and there's--
the ones that people always quote literally every other verse,
but then you actually read through the whole thing.
It's a full story.
It's like he sets the stage, you go to "Friends,"
I see the food, and it's like--
there's like these twists and turns
that it's like your heart starts pumping,
and you think of a line, and you say that you already ate.
"All right, I think I'm out of--"
"Hey, you know what, guys? I already ate."
And then your friend says, "Oh, Mom, he's just being polite,"
and they give you more food.
- Pile some more on your plate. - And then you just gotta leave
'cause it's so gross, and then--
I love, like, the stinger, so you're just out of there,
you're like, "Guys, I gotta leave, I'm sorry."
Then you go drink some Kaopectate,
and then, two weeks later,
you call your friend to see how he has been.
He says, "I understand about the food,
but we're still friends."
It's like this kind of touching ending to that verse.
Also, I think I like that verse, too,
because I feel like if I was a member of the Sugarhill Gang,
I feel like I probably would have done a verse like that.
Like, everybody else would be doing kind of, like,
the cool, like, cutting-edge verses,
and they'd be like, "What's your verse?"
- And be like, "Well--" - Home Depot run.
Yeah, as opposed to you guys, I'm gonna do a little storytelling.
- Yeah, yeah. - You ever go out for a depot run?
- ( laughs ) - I can't even think of anything.
Anyway, "Good Times by Sheep," great song.
"Rapper's Delight," maybe even better song.
And shout-out to whoever did that final verse
about the bad food, 'cause I love that verse.
And I identify with it.
The number one song, big surprise on the billboard right now.
The song of the summer, "Unequivocally."
( music playing )
What's going on with Bieber?
I don't know. We just--
I think, you know, we talked last time, he canceled the tour,
and I'm kind of curious about this new church that he's a part of.
I'd like to find out more about what they believe in
and things like that.
♪ Got me feeling some kind of way ♪
♪ Make me wanna savor every moment ♪
♪ Slowly, slowly ♪
♪ You fit me, tell me, love, how you put it on ♪
♪ Got the only key, know how to turn it on ♪
♪ Make a way, you never lie ♪
♪ My ear the only words I wanna hear ♪
♪ Baby, take it slow so we can last long ♪
♪ Tú, tú eres el imán y yo soy el metal ♪
♪ Me voy acercando y voy armando el plan ♪
♪ Solo con pensarlo se acelera el pulso ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Ya, ya me está gustando más de lo normal ♪
♪ Todos mis sentidos van pidiendo más ♪
♪ Esto hay que tomarlo sin ningún apuro ♪
♪ Despacito ♪
I mean, what else can we say about "Despacito"?
It's a song of the summer, you know, it is what it is.
Has it grown on you? Do you like it?
No. Not in.
You in?
I'm not against it, I don't know.
I mean, I'm not, like, actively ranting against it.
It just doesn't do much for me.
Which was better this week, the songs from 2017 or 1979?
Oof. God, both kind of brutal.
I mean, there were plenty of gems.
Not really.
I like the French Montana, I like the chic.
The Bruno's good. The Bruno.
Bruno's the highlight.
Yeah, that might be one of the best songs.
I think it's a toss-up, man.
All right. It is what it is.
All right, Jake, well, another great show in the can.
I'm not gonna be here next show.
Oh, yeah, that's crazy, man.
The next show is apparently the 50th episode of "Time Crisis."
Wow. Which is shocking.
So I've probably been on, like, 45 of those.
Time flies when you're doing a corporate food history
internet radio show every two weeks.
[laughter]
You know why "Time Crisis" stays fresh?
'Cause we got that week off to rest.
Yeah, man.
Got one week off to just forget that "Time Crisis" exists
and then we come back fresh and rested.
It's like, "Oh, it's a 'Time Crisis' week."
Let's make it a "Time Crisis" week.
My dad's turning 70.
Yeah, so where are you gonna be?
In Vermont.
Oh, really? You're going to Vermont?
Yeah.
The land of fish and Ben and Jerry's?
You got some fish food over there?
Gonna be near Stowe, Vermont.
Nice.
It's a place we went a lot when we were growing up.
That's nice. Yeah, that's a big birthday for your dad.
Dad's 70th, so I will not be in town for the 50th.
Well, you know what? It's okay that you're not--
"Time Crisis," we're not big on ceremony,
so you don't have to be there for the 50th.
Also, 50 is so-- Joe Rogan's doing his 1,000th episode.
Yeah.
I saw that on Instagram today.
He's doing his 1,000th episode soon.
"TC made it to 50."
Here's what we're gonna do.
Since we're gonna lose Jake, it's very sad.
We're gonna fly Despot and Asher out.
Big.
'Cause I've been meaning to bring those guys out to the West Coast for a minute.
I've never met Asher.
You've never met Asher? Never met him.
Wow, that's so crazy to me.
Yeah.
You just dropped a bomb on me.
You've never met my cousin Asher?
Nope.
And the twain shall never meet?
Maybe never meet.
Maybe they don't know each other.
Well, okay, I'm glad that we'll have those guys out.
You know, an interesting thing about Asher, he went to college in L.A.
Okay, I didn't know that.
But he hasn't been back in this city in 11 years.
What? Where did he go?
Occidental, in Eagle Rock.
Oh, that's right where I live.
Yeah, so he's coming-- we're bringing Asher back, first time in over a decade, to Los Angeles.
And he left L.A., and was just like, "I'm good. Not going back."
I guess.
11 years?
Yeah, he hasn't been back to L.A. in 11 years, man.
Did he like Occidental?
I thought I was missing this episode.
All right, maybe you call in.
I'd like to talk Eagle Rock, like 12 years ago.
Or like whenever it was that he graduated college.
You should call in from Vermont.
Okay.
How about that? Maybe see if you can track down Ben and Jerry.
Can do.
All right, thank you.
All right, guys, we'll see you in two weeks.
Jake will talk to you in two weeks.
See you in four.
"The King."
♪ B-B-Beats ♪
♪ One ♪
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