Episode 61: Dystopian Diet Coke
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Transcript
Transcript
Time Crisis, February, Jake's birthday month, so much to discuss. The Grammys, the Super
Bowl, Diet Coke, Lady Doritos. This show is just jammed. I'm gonna keep it real with you
guys. Anyway, we'll also be counting down the top 5 hits of today in 1977. This is Time
Crisis with Ezra King. Peace. One.
They passed me by, all of those great romances
The war I felt, robbing me of my rightful chances
But picture clear, everything seemed so easy
And so I dealt to the blow, when the boss had to go
Now it's different, I want you to know
One of us is crying, one of us is lying
Leave it all in the air
Time Crisis, February 2018. What up, Jake?
Not much.
It's funny doing a show every two weeks because...
I know, a lot happens.
We miss, yeah, especially this time of year. This is awards season.
Do people count the Super Bowl as part of awards season?
Yeah, they should.
We got the Golden Globes, Grammys, Super Bowl, and the Oscars all within a couple months.
It's a very exciting time. So, do we even want to talk about the Grammys?
I don't know. I didn't watch them. Did you watch them?
No, I didn't watch them either.
This is a real current events kind of show.
I was at a barbecue at CT's house.
Oh, that's tight.
Yeah, chopping it up with CT.
Was anyone following the Grammys on their phone?
No, because I think I've said this on the show before.
The Grammys, less and less as I get older, but the Grammys have always given me a weird feeling.
Because since I've been a professional musician, either I've been there, and then you've got the stress of being there,
or I haven't been there, and then you're thinking about it.
It's weird. You're better off not thinking about it. It can make you feel left out or confused.
Hurt.
So, you've been multiple times?
Perturbed.
How many times have you been?
I've been in the Grammys three times.
Damn, that's a lot.
Yeah, because we were nominated for Contra, lost out to the Black Keys.
Then we came back, Modern Vampires won that one.
And then I went, I think I talked about this, I went because I was nominated for the Beyonce album.
Right, that was a year ago.
I went, and I was defeated by my good friend Arielle.
And there was the whole sort of like conflict of, do I get on stage?
Yeah, luckily it was a non-issue.
Although I think I said this last time, I was sitting there with Diplo,
and a guy with a clipboard came up to us and was like, "So you guys are going to be going on stage?"
And we were like, "What?"
And he was like, "Yeah, for album of the year."
And we were like, "Maybe, we're not sure."
And then he walked away.
And so me and Diplo were both like, "Oh, Beyonce won. I guess that's what he's telling us."
He's giving us a heads up.
Right, right, I remember that.
So then we're standing there, and then I looked at Diplo, and I was like, "Do we want to go up?"
It's her moment.
And as we've discussed, usually when somebody wins, all the producers come up.
Although I think they changed the rules now, so not all the producers win.
But so we were discussing, and then we were like, "No, let's not go up. But it's cool that she won."
And then they were like, "And the Grammy goes to Adele."
Flabbergasted.
You put your hands on, on my body and told me
You told me you were ready for the big one, for the big jump
I'd be your last love, everlasting you and me
That was what you told me
I'm giving you up, I'm forgiving it all
You set me free
Send my love to your new lover
Treat her better
We gotta let go of all of our lows
We both know we ain't kids no more
Send my love to your new lover
Treat her better
We gotta let go of all of our lows
We both know we ain't kids no more
Anyway, it was kind of chill to be at a barbecue, and then I just got a text from a friend that's like,
"Whoa, Bruno Mars won." And I wrote back like, "What?" And they were like, "Everything."
And I was like, "That's tight."
Remember, I had a theory that I said some people were very excited that there were no white men in the Album of the Year category.
So there was some excitement. This is the first time in a very long time, maybe ever,
there's no white guys, a group who's dominated a lot of stuff. So people were excited.
And I just remember thinking like, "Okay, be excited, but just remember,
sometimes a dopey white guy can be a great buffer. No vote splitting."
People really hate mediocre white guys, for understandable reasons,
but one or two mediocre white guys in the Grammys, let them cancel each other out, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
I think the hip-hop vote was split.
Right.
I wanted to see Kendrick win. I said it.
So the Grammys did not award the idiosyncratic original artist.
Yeah.
Is anyone surprised?
Bombshell.
I mean, come on, right?
You know, that's what's so funny about it, is that it's just a vote.
And a vote is not always consensus, as we know.
You can become president without winning the most votes, and you can be Album of the Year
by barely getting the most votes. And we never see the numbers.
Right, you could just be eeking it out.
For all we know, it was like, at the final vote tally, it was like,
"Bruno Mars, 925 votes. Kendrick, 923. Jay-Z..."
You know, like, we'll never know.
I wonder, though, in terms of your theory of splitting the rap vote,
how many people actually voted for the Jay-Z record.
Jay-Z's an incredibly influential guy.
You don't have to tell me that. I'm just saying...
He's a major dude.
How many people actually voted for his late career record?
Jay-Z is a major dude.
Any major dude?
I'm just saying...
Well, first of all, the Grammys historically award late career major dudes.
Oh, like Steely Dan in '94.
The Steely Dan in the 2000s.
Oh, no, that's right. Not '94. What am I thinking?
So you think people that, like, basically didn't even hear the Jay-Z record were like,
"Oh, legacy artist. Vote for him."
Yeah, because Jay-Z is such an influential guy, and he's walked the corridors of power.
So, you know, you probably get the random person who's like...
The corridors of power.
You probably get some random old record executive who's voting who's kind of like,
"Oh, I like Jay. He's a good guy. I sat with him at a Nets game."
Right.
"And his wife is incredible. What a couple."
Yeah, I think that happens.
But I feel like that guy's just going to vote for Bruno. That's why he won.
I think it's more complicated than just, like...
Okay.
I don't think it's like Bruno mopped the floor with everybody else.
I just love to see those numbers. I feel like...
I know. We got to get the numbers.
I think there's some truth to your theory that they split the rap vote,
but I'm thinking it's like 85-15 Kendrick.
Maybe that 15 would have put him over the edge.
Look at that. That's Jill Stein in Wisconsin right there.
Exactly.
Boom.
♪ I got power, poison, pain and joy inside my DNA ♪
♪ I got hustle, though ambition flow inside my DNA ♪
♪ I was born like this, been sworn like this ♪
♪ Immaculate conception, I transform like this ♪
♪ Perform like this, will shout you a new weapon ♪
♪ I don't contemplate, I meditate ♪
♪ Then off your, off your head ♪
♪ This that put the kids to bed ♪
♪ This that I got, I got, I got, I got realness ♪
♪ I just kill shit 'cause it's in my DNA ♪
♪ I got millions, I got riches building in my DNA ♪
♪ I got duck, I got evil that rot inside my DNA ♪
♪ I got off, I got trouble, some heart inside my DNA ♪
♪ I just win again, then win again ♪
♪ Like Wimbledon, I serve ♪
♪ Yeah, that's him again ♪
♪ The sound, the engine in this like a bird ♪
♪ You see fireworks, they call it tire skirt ♪
♪ The pull of all ♪
♪ I know how you work, I know just who you are ♪
♪ See, use it, use it, use it ♪
- You know, also, one of the major dudes
at the Grammys, Neil Portnow,
made this kind of bizarre sexist comment.
- I heard about it, didn't see it.
- He said something, he apologized,
but this is so fun when we talk about stuff
like two weeks after the fact.
It's like-- - And it's been covered.
- It's been covered in like so many things,
layers to the story about it.
Yeah, he said something along the lines of,
so he was like, "How come more women aren't nominated?"
He said, "Women need to step up."
(audience laughing)
Very, whatever he meant, not the right way to say it, dude.
But anyway, then there's been a movement
where people are like, either telling him to step down
or at least apologize.
And other people said, "And by the way,
"just give us some data about the voting members
"of the Grammys, 'cause we've talked about this a lot.
"Just break it down for us, man.
"Like, we know this stuff for president."
- Yeah, why so secretive?
- I don't know, because as I've said,
if you looked at everybody who's eligible
to vote in the Grammys, I think you're gonna get
a very diverse bunch, because like we said,
you only need four or five credits of being on a record.
- Right, we had that joke concept
that I should've registered or whatever to vote.
- Yeah.
- Well, I should do that this year.
Anyway, yeah, who cares about the Grammys?
- Yeah.
- Even if you get it right, it's still gonna be
just like a funny little--
- Yeah, I mean, awards for art, blah, blah, blah.
♪ I got a condo in Manhattan ♪
♪ Baby girl, what's happening ♪
♪ You and your ass invited ♪
♪ So go on and get to clapping ♪
♪ Go pop a four-pack, pop, pop it for me ♪
♪ Turn around and drop it for a pack ♪
♪ Drop it for me ♪
♪ I'll rent a beach house in Miami ♪
♪ Wake up with no jammies ♪
♪ Lobster tail for dinner ♪
♪ Julio, serve that scampi ♪
♪ You got it if you want it ♪
♪ Got it, got it if you want it ♪
♪ Said you got it if you want it ♪
♪ Take my wallet if you want it now ♪
♪ Jump in the Cadillac ♪
♪ Girls, put some miles on it ♪
♪ Anything you want ♪
♪ Just to put a smile on it ♪
♪ You deserve it, baby, you deserve it, oh ♪
♪ And I'm gonna give it to you ♪
♪ Cool jewelry shining so bright ♪
♪ Strawberry champagne on ice ♪
♪ Lucky for you, that's what I like ♪
♪ That's what I like ♪
♪ Lucky for you, that's what I like ♪
♪ That's what I like ♪
- You're listening to "Time Crisis" on Beastwood.
- I guess there's also the Super Bowl.
- Didn't watch.
- You didn't watch?
- No, did you?
- Yeah, I'm a sports nut.
- Well-known sports fanatic.
- I apologize to any hardcore TC heads
who like just tuning in to hear us talk about things
that happened two weeks ago.
But hey, that's part of the charm of the show.
- They want our takes.
- They want our, they've been waiting.
- Red hot takes.
- They've been waiting.
Like literally-
- They've been chambered for two weeks.
I've just been waiting to get this out.
- In 2018, an event like the Super Bowl is like,
it's already too much conversation about it in real time.
Then the next day, already there's this like sick feeling
where you read all the official coverage,
like now these (beep) are writing articles about it
and really going to town.
And then by the two days after,
it feels like 100 years ago.
But then two weeks later, you get the TC bump.
- Yep, it kind of resets.
- It kind of resets.
So everybody's waiting for us to talk.
Wait, so Jake, I thought you were a sports nut.
- Putting the soup in the fridge and it's a week later.
That's when it's at its best.
- Yeah, either eat it-
- So let's just break down the Super Bowl.
- Either eat it at the restaurant
or eat it late night when you wake up
in the middle of the night 'cause you're drunk
and you can't sleep.
Maybe you eat it the next morning.
Or after that, it's like the weird uncanny valley,
wait a week, wait two weeks.
So Jake, I thought you were a sports nut, man.
How are you not gonna watch "Football's Biggest Night"?
- Not a football fan, never have been.
- Also, you know what they always call,
I've always enjoyed referring to the Grammys
as "Music's Biggest Night" 'cause it's what they call it.
So like, there's something very like razzle-dazzle
about calling the Super Bowl "Football's Biggest Night."
- So Jake, you weren't interested
in "Football's Biggest Night"?
- Not at all.
- Why, because-
- Not a football fan.
- Because of the brain damage and the right-wing politics?
- No, not 'cause of that.
Never been a fan of the game.
Always thought it was really boring and really slow.
People say that about baseball.
I-
- You disagree.
- I disagree.
I've said this before, football,
what's an hour of game time takes three and a half hours.
What, I mean, what is that?
That's just, that's garbage.
I guess because I was, I grew up
just not being in a sports period,
the idea of having like, liking one sport
and disliking another sport is so alien to me.
- You're like, it's all sports, it's all just-
- They just all feel so similar.
It's like, if you buy into the drama,
it's easy to get excited.
- I've had good times watching football games,
but I just, it's not, that's not where I'm at.
- Well-
- So you watched it.
- I watched it.
- What percentage of you watching it
had to do with the advertisements
and the JT halftime show anticipation
and what percentage was just like,
this is gonna be a good game?
- I was just kind of like at home.
It was just on.
- Solo?
- No, Rashida was already watching it.
She was interested in the-
- Just the two of you?
- Yeah.
- No like, little Super Bowl party or-
- No, we were like tired, a little under the weather.
Felt good to just stay at home.
And yeah, she wanted to watch the ads and so, you know,
'cause like, it's not just football's biggest night.
- That's cool.
- It's also Madison Avenue's biggest night.
- That's true.
- Yeah, the Super Bowl's such a hilarious combination
of things, it's like the most brutal sport.
Big dudes just hurting each other.
- Just crushing each other.
- And then you got like, intellectual Illuminati,
you know, trying to like, (beep) with people
and make them buy (beep).
A bunch of like, dorks writing copy.
- Yeah, just like, eight layers of self-awareness deep
on these ads.
- Yeah, and then you have like, the halftime show,
which is this like, crazy branding musical.
- Usually a letdown.
- Yeah, but always fun.
Well, but anyway, this is not a sports show.
Although we did once go really deep on baseball
in an infamous episode.
But we're more interested in corporate food
and advertising, things of that nature.
- It's time for Corporate Food History.
- People talked a lot about the best ads,
and they tend to be these ones that have
that very specific type of like, bro-y humor.
But this ad flew a little bit under the radar,
and I was already interested in this ad,
the one I'm about to talk about.
- Okay.
- Because I'd seen it when I was trying to watch
the Gianni Versace show.
Even now that you maybe are a cable subscriber,
that allows you the privilege of watching
the show on your laptop,
but they're still gonna make you watch commercials.
And in some ways, it almost makes you nostalgic
for the days of just watching a show on TV
and you're getting hit with a bunch of commercials.
'Cause now, you know, they just zoom in,
they show you the same (beep) over and over again.
I'm just trying to enjoy the Versace show.
- And they're showing you ads for--
- And they're showing me this one.
So they kept showing this one over and over again.
So I just wanna play it first without talking about it.
- Look, here's the thing about Diet Coke.
It's delicious.
It makes me feel good.
- True dat.
- Life is short.
If you wanna live in a yurt, yurt it up.
If you wanna run a marathon,
I mean, that sounds super hard, but okay.
I mean, just do you, whatever that is.
And if you're in the mood for a Diet Coke,
have a Diet Coke.
- Diet Coke, because I can.
- Okay, so--
- Is that the new phrase, because I can?
- I mean, it's clearly one of the phrases.
So again, before this was in the Super Bowl,
I had seen this 10 times in a row
when I was just trying to enjoy the Versace program.
So, and I know, you listen to it
and people are probably thinking like,
that doesn't sound that weird.
But as we watched it like 10 times
on the laptop, home in bed, we kind of turned to each other
and we're like, this is a very strange commercial.
So the woman in it is Gillian Jacobs,
well-known actress, she was on the show Community
and now she's on the show Love.
She's cool, she's kind of like a,
I don't even know what girl next door means.
She's just like, she's like cool.
She's like an approachable, regular, Caucasian woman.
That's her type. - But kind of hip.
- Yeah, kind of hip. - On kind of edgy shows.
- But you know what, not too hip.
- Yeah. - Not uber hipster.
She's like-- - No, they're not getting
MIA to do this ad.
- Yeah, MIA.
(laughing)
Yeah, there's some, you know, Pepsi got Kendall Jenner.
We're getting somebody who's cool but not trying too hard.
- Right. - So anyway, I know it seems
like pretty normal Diet Coke ad, but then you,
when I watched it like 12 times,
we just started to think,
what are they saying in this commercial?
'Cause historically, Diet Coke was sold as like,
it tastes great and it's less calories.
The tone of this is so weird and kind of defensive.
So let's just, let's break it down.
Listen to the beginning. - Okay.
- Look, here's the thing about Diet Coke.
- Here's the thing.
- It's delicious.
It makes me feel good.
- Okay, so-- - Okay.
- So I also love that it's like,
you can already picture the way they're just making the ad
where somebody's like,
so we're kind of reintroducing Diet Coke here,
like what should we say about it?
And somebody's like, everybody knows what Diet Coke is.
Let's cut to the chase.
And the guy's like, well, what is the chase?
They're like, I want that girl from Community
to open a Coke and just start drinking it, a Diet Coke.
Like, don't describe it.
So she's like, the tone of the beginning is kind of like,
can we just cut the bull (beep) here?
Like-- - Look,
here's the thing about Diet Coke.
It's delicious.
It makes me feel good.
- So to me, the beginning reads as kind of like,
Diet Coke is on the ropes here.
You know, like in the '90s, maybe in the '80s,
it wasn't hard to sell people on Diet Coke
because they were like, hey, you know Coke?
That just unequivocally great American drink
that everybody loves, but you don't enjoy as much
'cause you're concerned with your weight?
Well, now we have something that is that thing
that everybody's drinking, except this one,
you're not gonna get fat.
It's win-win.
No questions asked.
This is kind of the social media era
where like everything's questioned and turned over.
- Well, soda is just called into question in general.
- Soda's already called into question,
and then diet soda is this weird relic
of like toxic waste from like the era
where people used to buy these huge narratives
that we were sold about like what was actually good for you.
So this is kind of like, they're like,
should we try to convince people again
that Diet Coke is actually good, like it helps you diet?
And they're like, no, that ship has sailed.
We're trying to preserve what we got,
and for us, the Diet Coke drinker
is not somebody trying to lose weight.
The Diet Coke drinker is a kind of hedonistic nihilist
who's ready to die.
- We're basically just selling beer at this point.
- Yeah, exactly.
- You're not gonna make an argument.
- So it's like light beer, you're not gonna lose weight.
- I know, it's so defensive 'cause it's just like.
- Look, here's the thing about Diet Coke.
- It's basically like, you see,
she's opening a Diet Coke, and it's like, okay, okay, stop.
- I know, I know, I know.
- I know what you assholes are gonna say.
- Back off.
- You're gonna say that this shit causes cancer.
You're gonna say that this shit doesn't help you diet.
You're gonna say I might as well be drinking regular Coke,
but you know what, (beep) you.
- I prefer.
- It tastes good.
Anybody who tells me it doesn't.
- Plus it's got the huge old Trump stank on it now.
- Yeah, oh yeah, exactly.
- That's not helping matters any.
- Exactly, so she's like, don't say another word.
You're in my house.
I drink Diet Coke, and you know what?
And also, it used to be,
nobody used to call Diet Coke delicious.
It was like tolerable.
The whole point was that it's not as good as Diet Coke.
- It's delicious, so clinical.
- Also, you know, like some people,
I think we grew up in the era where people would be like,
you know what's weird?
I have like this seven-year-old cousin
where she actually prefers Diet Coke.
I think it's 'cause her mom drinks it a lot,
and so people would talk about it.
It's kinda like how some people are like,
I'm weird, I really like the smell of gasoline.
That's my favorite smell.
'Cause with the implication being that
when you're at the gas station,
it kills your brain cells to smell that stuff,
but you know, people would be like,
it's like a personality type.
Remember when we had the woman from Frito-Lay's,
and she said, we don't worry about demographics,
we think about psychographics,
which is like the mental type
that transcends class and race, you know?
- Wow, good recall.
- So I'm thinking about the psychographic of this person
who, they like the smell of gasoline,
they brush their teeth way too hard to their gums bleed,
and they like the taste of Diet Coke.
- I'm the first two of those.
- Okay, so you're almost there.
So I like, it's also that,
it's like the gloves are off now,
it's not just, this is a diet alternative
to a great tasting drink, but this one tastes okay.
Now it's just like, you know what, (beep) you,
I know it's weird.
- It stands on its own.
- It's weird, you think I'm a pervert,
but it's delicious to me.
She's straight up calling Diet Coke delicious.
- No, and there's like a real--
- That's a change.
- There's a real tension in her voice too.
- Look, here's the thing about diet--
- Oh my goodness.
(laughing)
It's like the eighth time you've heard this.
- It's delicious.
- It's delicious.
- Yeah, it's so tense.
- It's like somebody at the office just said to her,
you know, those things will kill you.
Hey Gillian, you know, those things will kill you.
You know what, Marsha, it's delicious.
♪ Doctor, my eyes have seen the years ♪
♪ And the slow parade of fears that I've cried ♪
♪ Now I want to understand ♪
♪ I have done all that I could ♪
♪ To see the evil and the good without hiding ♪
♪ You must help me if you can ♪
♪ Doctor, my eyes ♪
♪ Tell me what it for ♪
♪ Was I unwise ♪
♪ To leave them open for so long ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ I have wandered through this world ♪
♪ And as each moment has unfurled ♪
♪ I've been waiting to awaken from these dreams ♪
♪ People go just where they will ♪
♪ I never noticed them until I got this feeling ♪
♪ That it's later than it seems ♪
♪ Doctor, my eyes ♪
♪ Tell me what you see ♪
♪ I hear their cries ♪
♪ Just say if it's too late for me ♪
- [Announcer] Time Crisis with Ezra Keenan.
- Life is short.
If you want to live in a yurt, yurt it up.
If you want to run a marathon,
I mean, that sounds super hard, but okay.
- Also, the character that she's playing in this,
I don't think she's comparing drinking Diet Coke
to living in a yurt or running a marathon.
By pointing out those two things,
she's like, "You want to live in a yurt?
"You're some kind of hippie."
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- "Trying to get back to the earth?
"Well, go do you.
"I drink toxic waste, that's what I do."
- Yeah.
- "Oh, you want to go run a marathon?
"You want to actually be healthy?
"Okay, do you, but that sounds really hard."
You're selling a product called Diet Coke.
It's supposed to be a healthy choice.
- "I'm gonna sit at my desk all day
"and then walk 300 feet to Mike Prius
"and then drive home in traffic, sipping my Diet Coke.
"Forget the yurt, okay?"
- I'm a weird--
- "My ex-husband took me to a yurt once
"and Big Sur and it was terrible."
- I don't like being in yurts, they're gross.
I'm not a (beep) Mongolian nomad.
I don't like to be in yurts.
I like the comfort of my home.
And no, I don't like to do these,
I'm not a health nut who tries to push my body to the limit.
No, I like to drink this weird, silvery, toxic drink.
- "If you want to run a marathon,
"I mean, that sounds super hard, but okay.
"I mean, just do you, whatever that is.
"And if you're in the mood for a Diet Coke,
"have a Diet Coke."
- That's just straight up old school advertising.
Just like, just do it, it's fun.
- I know, but doesn't the tone of it,
this just makes me think of some early Mad Men
where they're like,
"Everybody knows that cigarettes cause cancer now,
"how do we sell it?"
And Don Draper's just like,
"We tell them that smoking cigarettes
"is your last stand as a human being.
"Yeah, we're all gonna die,
"but you're gonna do it in a way that makes you feel good.
"Because smoking is American, it's liberty."
You know what I mean?
It's like this weird way.
And it's like funny that Diet Coke
is just fully on the ropes now.
And they're just like,
"The best way we can sell Diet Coke
"is by telling people, like, I know it's weird.
"I know a lot of people don't drink Diet Coke anymore.
"You're making an idiosyncratic choice.
"You like that metallic taste.
"People call it weird.
"You know what I think is weird?
"I think health nuts who run marathons is weird.
"They're the real weirdos.
"I think people who drink water all day are weird."
(laughs)
So you think drinking Diet Coke is weird?
Well, we're all weird.
- Driving with car insurance.
- Yeah, that's weird. - Weird.
- Life is meaningless, okay?
You're not better than me.
- Diet Coke, because I can.
- Because I can.
- Because I can.
(sings)
Some feel good music behind.
Diet Coke, because I can.
It's so nihilistic.
♪ Hey, I wake up, I go up, I feel like I'm dead ♪
♪ Hey, I wake up, I go up, I feel like I'm dead ♪
♪ Hey, I wake up, I go up, I feel like I'm dead ♪
♪ Hey, I wake up, I go up, I feel like I'm dead ♪
♪ Hey, hey, I put the game up ♪
I just did game of, we did not play bro In my own lane bro, never played bro
You know you was lame, uh huh Mop shit from upstate, she gone come down state
What you mean, what you mean, what you mean, yeah?
What you mean, what you mean, what you mean, yeah?
But that's okay, that's okay, that's okay, yeah
But that's okay, that's okay, that's okay, yeah
What you mean, what you mean, what you mean, yeah?
What you mean, that's okay, that's okay, that's okay, that's okay, yeah
That's okay, that's okay, that's okay, that's okay, yeah
Like when I wake up, I throw up, I feel like I'm dead
Ay, I wake up, I throw up, I feel like I'm dead
Ay, pink roses, pink name, pink bodies, pink beams
Pretty foreign, but clean, her wrist is freezing up
Unless you know, unless you're on sex, yo
Part of the reason that Diet Coke, I think, is going big right now
Is because they are semi-relaunching the brand
Are you aware of this, Jake?
Nope
So I think Diet Coke has hit kind of hard times
Diet Coke is such a
Post-Trump, dude
Yeah, maybe it is post-Trump
So Diet Coke introduced four new fruit-flavored versions this week
In an effort to entice former soda drinkers and La Croix guzzling seltzer lovers
So you've probably been seeing a lot of the La Croix seltzer everywhere
Oh yeah, I'm familiar with La Croix
So now people are going for that because they taught a whole generation
Like, you don't need Coke or Diet Coke
You know, just keep it light
It's actually just the carbonation
Right
That's like 80% of the pleasure of drinking soda
So they're like, yeah, just have like a very lightly flavored weird little seltzer beverage
Yeah
And Coke is like, well, we need to
Are we losing because we don't have enough variety?
So they introduced some new flavors of Diet Coke
Feisty Cherry, Twisted Mango, Ginger Lime, and Zesty Blood Orange
When do you think they started, like, these companies started calling s*** Twisted?
That's like very 90s
This stuff will all be off the market in 18 months
Not gonna sell
According to Beverage Digest
Nice
While Diet Coke is still the second most popular soda in the US, Coke tops the list
Sales of the drink have fallen every year since 2006
One analyst calls this rebranding a moment of panic
For sure
Everything that people wanted out of Diet Coke up till, say, 2000, 2005
Has essentially just been outsourced to other beverages that seem to be doing the same thing better
He says in reference to the hydration, energy, and fizzy aspects of soda drinks
Exactly
All the old arguments they used to make for it don't fly anymore
Hence the bizarre commercials
You know, sodas are just like anything in culture
They're gonna run their course, right?
Yeah
You can't sustain that
They had their run
New generations want new things
Coke should just buy La Croix
That's it
La Croix is like the hip new thing that's got organic
Or start, like, a streaming service or something
Maybe launch a cryptocurrency
[Laughs]
But listen, this is what--
Crypto's just been crashing
Oh yeah, crypto's f***ed up
Now's the perfect time for Coke to go by
This is what Coca-Cola, North America's group director for Diet Coke, said in a statement
"We're modernizing what has made Diet Coke so special for a new generation
Millennials are now thirstier than ever for adventures and new experiences
Oh my god
And we want to be right by their side"
That's brutal
See, again, take a page from your own ad
Just like, knowing it
Okay, if you were in that position of that guy, that spokesman, this was your gig
Yeah
You didn't have to, like, vet everything through, like, the higher-ups
What would you say?
They're like, "Okay, Ezra"
If you're just going, "Mask off"
"Mask off"
And they're like, "Ezra, yo, we're launching these four new, like, juice
Spin-offs of Diet Coke
Just spin it, can you sell it?"
Here's what my pitch, my Don Draper pitch for, like, how to sell
And maybe it's not that different than the Gillian Jacobs ad
But I'd be like, compared to all these new-school, naturally zero-calorie things
Like these new waters and seltzers and these kids who like to drink smoothies
And eat acai bowls and all this sh*t
And that's all good
I'd be like, that's all cool
But
Acai bowls
So what is Diet Coke, then?
Diet Coke no longer represents health
I'd be like, so rather than try to get all these new flares
I'd just be like, what does Diet Coke look like?
It's silver
It's like a robot
I would almost market it like the way that Mountain Dew markets it
As like an energy fuel for gamers
Right
It's just like
Or it's like T2
Yeah, it's just like
It's like, listen
We know you're not in good shape
You're sitting in a chair playing video games all day
We're literally toxic fuel
And we're not even gonna hide it
We're introducing Mountain Dew Code Red
The most like unnatural red color
Chug it down
You're half man, half machine
You've sacrificed
You're no longer a meat puppet
I'd do the same thing for Diet Coke
Just be like, meat puppet
You're a millennial
You know better than anybody that life is meaningless
You're watching like America get torn apart
And yeah, a lot of your peers are into some feel good
Hippy dippy beverages
But not you
You see the world as it is
Take the red pill
It's time for
Jake's Takes
On Time Crisis
Okay, yeah
Rebrand as DC
Uh-huh
And you do a tie-in with DC Comics
Oh yeah
And so it's like weird like superhero food
Right
You're just like
Yeah
Just like DC but in the sort of like fake Superman
Or like, no, even like the DC Comics logo
Yeah
Just put that on the can
Right
You just remove it from the original beverage
Yeah, exactly
It's the same soda
You are not a human being
You don't
You grew up in an era with an iPad in your hand
You're a millennial
Your brain is gonna be uploaded to the cloud
Yeah, you're a post-millennial
Before too long
You're a post-millennial
You're not a human being
You were born with an iPad in your hand
Your brain will be uploaded to the cloud
When you watch Black Mirror you laugh
Because it's too optimistic
Softcore
It's softcore
Black Mirror means nothing to you
Oh, it's like
You're beyond Black Mirror
You're Silver Mirror
The Silver Mirror is Diet Coke
DC
It's not diet, it's not Coke, it's DC
You're chugging internet juice
Fuel
Old, old
Diet Coke is internet juice
DC
Your meat puppet friends and colleagues drink coffee
Coffee comes from beans grown in the soil
Not you
You're plugging right into the mainframe
Let your body deteriorate
Yeah, it's almost like you look at these other people
And that's what the ad was saying
You look at your cousin running a marathon
You look at your friend having a baby
You look at your brother
Spending pointless hours in the gym
Moving weights up and down
As he ages
And greys
You can't stop the train, bro
That six-pack?
It's gonna be nothing when you're just a skeleton
You drink Diet Coke
Black tar nectar that is the runoff of the servers in China
Mining the next bitcoins
God is dead
Whew!
Jeez Louise
Diet Coke is some intense sh*t, man
Yeah, Diet Coke used to be associated with like models
It kind of represented this type of like New York or like London cool
It's like somebody smokes cigarettes and drinks Diet Coke
Now it's like way darker than that
Darker and banal
I love that, chai Diet Coke in a cryptocurrency
Yeah, tied to crypto, tied to DC Comics
Just every sort of pathetic adolescent urge
Man-child urge
Death is inevitable, drink Diet Coke
That's your pitch
That's your Draper-esque pitch
I don't really care if you cry
I don't really shine, never lie
Shoulda saw the way she looked me in my eyes
She said, "Baby, I am not afraid to die"
Push me to the edge
All my friends are dead
Push me to the edge
All my friends are dead
Push me to the edge
All my friends are dead
Push me to the edge
Phantom that's all red
Inside all white
That's something you'd rather say
I do want that
My bae lit, I'm mad
My bae lit, I'm mad now
Everybody got the same swag now
Watch the way I tear down
Stackin' my fans all the way to the top
All the way through, it be fallin'
Every time that you leave your phone
Your girlfriend call me like, "Come on, though"
I like the way that she treat me
Gon' leave, you won't leave me
I call it the Casanova
She say, "I'm insane, yeah"
I wanna run away, yeah
Give me up the pain, yeah
Please, make it go away
I'm too mean and not addicted
But it keep controllin' me
Out of pain, now I can feel it
I'm sweet as it's slowly
Yeah
I don't really care if you cry
I don't really shine, never lie
So when she look me in my eyes
She said, "I am not afraid to die"
I'm like Bizarre Day
Push me to the edge, yeah
I'm like Bizarre Day, yeah
Push me to the edge, yeah
I'm like Bizarre Day, yeah
That is not your swag, that's what you fake, girl
Y'all ain't, y'all ain't wanna take my cake, no
Red on, that is dope
Red on, yeah
Medicine, look, tension
Fast car, nice car, that's on
In the class, they got no ones that we will bang, no
Clothes from overseas, got the racks and they all see
No, to you, it's not a cheat, bro
Lookin' at your staggered, look your money, here I'm free, yo
I was counting, now that it's all twenties, that's a cheat, bro
She said, "You're the worst, you're the worst"
I cannot die, 'cause my universe
I don't really care if you cry
On the rail, you shouldn't have a lie
Shoulda saw the way she looked me in my eyes
She said, "Baby, I am not afraid to die"
Push me to the edge, all my friends are dead
Push me to the edge
Alright, Jake, how 'bout a little dip into the TC mailbag?
Let's go to the Time Crisis mailbag!
This one comes from Sam. Pretty cool email address, Technoprayer.
But don't say the @.
Yeah, I won't say the @. The @'s pretty obscure.
Howdy, Time Crisis. Hi, Jake.
Our birthday, 2377, is coming up soon.
Wow, exact same age.
Yeah, so we were born the exact same day.
Whoa.
I think the number one song that day was "Car Wash" by Rose Royce.
Great song.
I don't think that really fits into the tasteful palate of '70s rock too bad.
Side note, this week's playlist, Tasteful Palate.
It's the tasteful palate of '70s disco, which, for the lovers of the '70s tasteful palate,
you gotta drop the rock versus disco thing.
Oh, yeah.
Beggars can't be choosers. You gotta take that tasteful palate wherever you can get it, man.
And then you get your BG split in the diff.
Please ask Ezra to give us news on Neo Yokio.
I want to know if there will be a second season. If there won't, can we at least hear what would have been?
Neo news coming soon, man.
All I'll say is that Neo's not dead.
I'm riding this from a Home Depot parking lot, and I'm heading to a Tim Hortons now.
I'm in Maine.
I love that.
That's sick.
I don't know. I mean, I find that hard to believe, but maybe pull into the--
You know, pulled into the Depot a lot, heard some classic rock on the radio, and I was like, "Ooh."
Thought of Time Crisis.
Yep.
Drafted the email.
And then thought of Tim Hortons.
I was like, "Oh, I'm gonna go to Tim."
There's a Timmies down the road.
Yeah.
Oh, and I've been following Seinfeld on Twitter and IG even before I got into TC way back.
Put all those pieces together, along with being an OCBD-wearing VW fan,
and you can see how TC has become the epicenter of my universe.
Peace, Sam.
What is OCBD?
I don't know. Along with being an OCBD-wearing VW fan.
Original--
Oxford cloth button-down shirt.
Oh, okay.
Oh, I've never seen it abbreviated like that.
That's tight.
That's like some early Vampire Weekend style.
Sick.
Peace, Sam.
Nice little note.
[laughter]
No questions really me ask about Neo.
Nice little note.
So, yeah, it's interesting.
He references the Tasteful Palette, and so, Jake, you made a Tasteful Palette playlist?
I did.
You're listening to the Tasteful Palettes of the 1970s on Time Crisis.
See, that's funny.
On this show, certain things just become part of the TC lexicon.
Right.
And sometimes, you know, for the newer listeners, I feel bad.
Like, we got to backtrack a little bit.
Maybe they don't want to sit through 120 hours of TC.
So you might hear us say Tasteful Palette a lot on the show,
and I know some of the old TC heads are like, they know exactly what we're talking about.
But it all came from Jake's preference for the way that '70s music sounds.
Jake loves the Tasteful Palette of '70s rock.
And I guess you use the phrase Tasteful Palette because it's not about any one color on the spectrum.
It's like you enjoy the whole picture, the whole painting.
It's a really warm painting.
That's what '70s music sounds like.
It's very warm.
And it's not just rock. Let's keep it real.
Yeah.
R&B, soul, funk, disco.
All that stuff sounds amazing from that era.
I feel like the high water point of recording was like 1972.
Because in the '60s, it was good, but it was kind of like they were still working out the kinks.
It was all four tracks.
It was kind of garagey, a little noisy.
And then it got to the point of very refined equipment and high levels of professionalism with the engineering in the studio circa '72.
And then after that, it started to get too professional in my view.
Oh, okay.
And a little cold and a little mechanical.
So for me, the sweet spot is '72.
So you think late '70s got too pro?
Yeah.
I didn't put any Tom Petty or Fleetwood Mac on the Tasteful Palette playlist because it's a little pro.
It's a little cold.
This is a major announcement for TC heads.
I'm not saying that that music in the grand scheme of things isn't Tasteful Palette.
Yeah.
But I wanted to kind of--
I would almost make the case that for me, the late '70s is the high water mark.
But I know what you mean.
Because the late '70s was the most technical, proficient, professional usage of tape.
Yeah.
And it's before-- that's when you-- the earliest digital albums are from the late '70s.
And it's kind of before you got into that '80s palette, which is interesting but kind of harsh of like--
Yeah.
The like crazy drums.
Noise gate on the snare.
Yeah.
So like to me, the late '70s, if you look at like '79, '80, some of the disco and post-disco from that, that's like amazing.
But I know what you mean.
You like that it's a little earthier in the early '70s.
The years of the playlist is 1959 to 2016 because we got an email from Curtis.
He goes, "Hello, Jake.
Just wondering what your opinion is on the future of the Tasteful Palette and the direction of this beautiful sound we all know and love.
Like, for example, have you heard or dug the likes of Whitney, Twin Peaks, or Foxygen?
Do you think this palette will progress or grow in the future, or is it in a slow dying decline?
Thank you.
God bless."
I think both are true.
Because, you know, from a very technical standpoint, the Tasteful Palette of the 1970s only existed from January 1, 1970 until New Year's Eve, 1979.
Right.
Before or after, as tasteful as the palette may be, it's not '70s, my friend.
Well, I think it's a state of mind.
So on the playlist, I went from 1959 to 2016, so I put in some proto Tasteful Palette music that anticipates the heights that would be reached in 1972.
And then I put in some music.
I skipped, I think, all of the '80s.
Yeah.
And maybe there's, like, one or two songs from the '90s.
And then there's a few songs from 2016.
Yeah.
Like Whitney, and maybe one from 2014 by Foxygen, which I feel like pretty credibly, like, tap into that vibe.
Yeah.
Double-edged sword with Tasteful, though, because Tasteful can also just be...
Boring.
Exactly.
One step away from innocuous and inoffensive.
You know, like, the guy just playing the coffee shot, you know, like...
Like Ed Sheeran.
Yeah.
Ed Sheeran is tasteful.
I'm not gonna put Ed Sheeran on Time Crisis, but Jake, you, maybe me more than you, you're not gonna put Ed Sheeran on your Tasteful Palette playlist.
No.
Even though he's got heartfelt lyrics, yearning vocals, acoustic guitar.
Yeah, no, the sincerity's not the issue with Ed.
He's very sincere.
In orders of the instrumentation.
Yeah.
I mean, I think it's getting to that thing of it's a little too pro.
So you find it cold.
So this playlist is like, it's like really well done music, but there's a little bit of like edge to it still.
Like the mildest edge.
Put on Rod Stewart, Maggie Mae.
This may be, for me, it's not my favorite song in the world, but it maybe is my favorite recording.
It is the platonic ideal of a recording.
So this is on the playlist?
Yeah.
And I didn't put any like Zeppelin or Stones or Beatles on here, because that stuff is so singular and iconic.
Yeah.
Even though they did a lot of tasteful music, it's like too performative and like iconic to be on the Tasteful Palette playlist for me.
Right.
You know what I mean?
It's like, it's like too edgy.
You're listening to the Tasteful Palettes of the 1970s on Time Crisis.
Right here.
Forgot about that long intro on Maggie Mae.
That 12 string.
Mm-hmm.
Mandolin, bass.
I love that drum sound.
Yeah, hard pan drums.
Just like real open hi-hat.
If anybody's listening in headphones, listen to how pushed to one side the drums are.
There's like a t-shirt on the snare.
That warm organ.
You know what's funny? People that have known me a long time like associate this song with me.
Really?
Like old friends of mine are like, "Oh yeah, I heard Maggie Mae the other day. Totally thought of you."
Right.
The morning sun when it's in your face really shows your age.
Girl, don't worry me none and I'll show everything.
I laughed at all your jokes.
My love you didn't need to coax.
Oh Maggie, I couldn't have tried anymore.
You led me away from home just to save you from being alone.
You stole my soul and that's a pain I can do without.
All I needed was a friend to lend a guiding hand.
But you turned into a lover and mother wanted love.
You wore me out.
All you did was wreck my bed.
And in the morning kicked me in the head.
Oh Maggie, I couldn't have tried anymore.
You led me away from home 'cause you didn't want to be alone.
You stole my heart. I couldn't leave you if I tried.
[Instrumental]
I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school.
Or steal my daddy's cue and make a living out of playing fool.
Or find myself a rock and roll band that needs a helping hand.
Oh Maggie, I wished I'd never seen your face.
You made a first class fool out of me.
But I'm as blind as a fool can be.
You stole my heart but I'm not dying to hate.
You know what I like about this song too?
Is that like, it's rootsy without like being all like, "Look at me, I'm old timey."
It's like, these are all like super old timey instruments.
It's fresh.
It's like, that's what I tried to do with this playlist was like,
if you're overly self-conscious about being tasteful,
then it's not fun and it's not really tasteful.
It's like swing, if you gotta ask what it is, you'll never know.
Right, then you're just being safe and like sort of cautious.
Well it's like, it's kind of like Diet Coke.
If you're not tasteful, just chug Diet Coke and listen to whatever you want.
Chain smokers.
Yeah, why not?
No, I think that's a really good point.
Chain smoke, listening to chain smokers.
Taking down a sixer of DC.
Yeah, and also like you said, the word tasteful,
it is a problematic word because it implies that other things are less than.
Well like, and there's amazing music that is not tasteful.
I mean, I'm not saying that it has to be tasteful.
This is just a specific sort of like vein that we touch on this show a lot.
And it's hard to put your thumb on it, which is why I wanted to make the playlist.
So I'm excited to check this out.
So everybody go to the Time Crisis page and check out Jake's Tasteful Palette playlist,
a concept that's been bandied about quite a bit on this show.
Now you finally get to see what he's talking about.
1959 to 2016.
We're spanning some years here, folks.
There's a narrow view of the 1970s.
This is Jake's--
This is a holistic view.
This is Jake's longer view of the '70s.
That'd be an interesting opening to your book.
Jake just writes like a 1,000-page treatise on Tasteful Palette.
Opening line, "The 1970s began in 1959 and ended in 2016.
Over the course of the next 1,000 pages, I intend to prove this audacious hypothesis."
[laughter]
Oh my God.
Time Crisis with Ezra Koenig.
Hey, Jake, you hear about Lady Doritos?
I heard about it.
Hard to avoid that.
So, again, classic TC.
Way behind the curve.
Way behind.
There was one day on Twitter when the world exploded with the concept of Lady Doritos.
And we got an interesting email about it asking us to get on the case.
Let's go to the Time Crisis mailbag.
So this is from Heather in Tacoma.
She says, "Dear Jake, sorry, not sorry for writing the Time Crisis on your personal email.
However, as I expect you will address the controversy surrounding the so-called female-friendly Doritos on this week's episode,
I'm writing to share some grave concerns regarding the media's coverage of this issue.
Although Time Crisis is my main source of news," see?
That's what we've been saying.
"And I therefore cannot claim to be fully up to speed on this story," TC listeners not reading a lot of news.
"It has come to my attention that the outrage around Lady Doritos was sparked by a right-wing media article
that took the words of PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi out of context.
For now, I hope we can set aside the debate regarding the merits of a crunchless chip that doesn't leave your fingers coated in powder.
What concerns me is the way that right-wing/corporate America benefits by baiting our collective appetite for outrage.
We know that products such as KFC's extra crispy sunscreen"
What?
"I don't know, or the Double Down Sandwich, which uses two pieces of fried chicken for a bun"
I remember that one.
"were engineered solely to provoke outrage and thus create free publicity for the brand."
You know, all news is good news.
If you're running KFC or something, just-
Yeah, we're making sunscreen now.
Yeah. Oh my god.
Next thing you know, you're getting covered in everything from the Fader to some fake news, Patriot Games, dot net.
"I believe this ties in with some of the reservations Ezra has raised on past episodes of Time Crisis regarding the self-aware persona certain brands of fast food
present on social media.
Not only are they in on the joke, but they're trolling their customers just to encourage brand engagement.
I don't believe that Doritos for Her is a case of this intentional manipulation of our collective outrage.
However, I am concerned that reporting by the New York Post and other right-wing media sources
was intended to rally public opinion around the Doritos status quo in order to stymie change in the snack food industry."
Wow.
"This is interesting. By casting this call for snacks with a stronger sense of a decorum in regressive gendered terms,
the right-wing media has dealt a serious blow to progressives working in the processed food arena."
Oh, Jesus Christ.
"We all deserve a flavored tortilla chip that doesn't leave embarrassing stains on our fingertips.
I hope you will keep this in mind as you address the unfolding story.
Sincerely, Crunchless and Tacoma, a.k.a. Heather."
Wow, Heather thought this through.
I'm not sure if I totally buy it, her theory, but I love the theory.
"Heather sounds like a diet Coke drinker.
She sees the world as a disgusting mess and she's a straight shooter."
She's worried about the progressives working in the processed food arena.
So, okay, so we probably have some confused listeners who maybe did not follow.
If you're not glued to the internet, you might not have heard about Lady Doritos
because these things come and go so quickly.
Generally speaking, when most people hear about a big news topic,
you're not hearing about the news story, you're hearing about the blowback.
And sometimes even by the time you hear about it, you're hearing about the blowback to the blowback.
So I heard about everybody was like, "Oh my God, Doritos is trying to make Lady Doritos.
Doritos is going to unveil a type of Doritos for women
because Doritos thinks that women don't like to get their fingers dirty
and they don't like to enjoy Doritos the same way men do.
Well, we don't need that bulls--t."
That was kind of the general tone.
It's twofold, right? It's fingers less dirty, but also it crunches less loudly.
So I think there's a lot of people saying, "Look, we live in crazy times.
Got somebody like Donald Trump in office. Women face a lot of challenges.
There's a lot of women working hard to change things in the world
and you're going to come to us with some bulls--t like Lady Doritos
and expect us to be happy about it? Like, f--k you."
That was kind of the vibe.
And to be fair, that is a very condescending idea to say to women like,
"Hey, listen, you can't really handle our Doritos because you're worried about your fingers.
So here's something just for you."
Everybody here is out of sight
They don't bark and they don't bite
They keep things loose, they keep things light
Everybody, we're dancing in the moonlight
Dancing in the moonlight
Everybody's dreaming of a woman right
It's such a fight
And as you say, everybody's dancing in the moonlight
We like our fun and we never fight
You can't dance and stay uptight
It's a supernatural delight
Everybody, we're dancing in the moonlight
Dancing in the moonlight
Everybody's feeling a woman right
It's such a fight
And as you say, everybody's dancing in the moonlight
Okay, so what happened?
So there's like an original context to the quote, right?
Okay, so we're kind of fact-checking Heather a little bit.
I love Heather's kind of conspiracy theory.
So she believes that this is a non-news story, essentially.
Drummed up by the New York Post and right-wing media.
I think maybe she feels like Doritos said something mild,
and then the right-wing media actually took it and ran with it.
So she's saying something pretty complex here.
She's saying that the right-wing media actually had a dog in the fight
in the fast food arena.
That the right-wing media wants to hamper any sort of progressive ideas in junk food.
Okay, so I think that's where she loses me.
But she's also saying something very interesting.
She's saying that the right-wing now knows how to play the left wing like a fiddle.
Okay.
Or a violin.
That's true.
A cello.
Heather, I'm sorry that you're not here to correct us,
but I'm interpreting that you're saying that there's some good-natured progressives inside PepsiCo.
Free delay.
Which is owned by--
I don't remember.
Yeah, was it Yum! Brand? No, not anymore.
Okay, I'm going to really dumb down Heather's argument,
because I think this is what she's saying.
There were a bunch of feminists in the PepsiCo corporation who said,
"You know what? Our needs as women have been ignored for too long.
So we believe that there needs to be more consumer choice so that women have a choice,
because for too long, male choice has come first," which is true, right?
And women pay pink tax.
Their products are more expensive.
So maybe she's saying there's a group of feminists that said,
"Let's unveil different types of Doritos.
We're not going to condescend to our sisters by putting in a pink bag.
Let's just make more types of Doritos so that women have choices, too,
and let's keep it at the same price point."
So this is a group of well-meaning feminists who just want to expand what Doritos has.
Now the CEO of PepsiCo, who's a very impressive woman, Indra Nooyi,
gets on a podcast and starts talking about it,
and she starts saying, "You know, our research suggests that women are looking for different things in our chips,
and we're not offering it to them."
I want to hear it. Do we have the clip?
Yeah, so this is what Indra had to say on the Freakonomics podcast.
Oh, I love Freakonomics.
I understand that men and women eat chips very differently.
Also, I want to point it out, leading the witness, Stephen J. Dubner, he asked her the question.
So she's responding to his question.
She didn't come out and say, like, "You know, Stephen, thank you for having me.
I want to talk about something. Women, they can't handle Doritos."
So he asked her a question. I understand.
Well, I'm sure they did, like, some prep for the interview, and this was like--
Who knows?
I understand that men and women eat chips very differently.
Can you tell us the differences?
I think, you know, when you eat out of a Flex bag, you know, one of our single-serve bags,
especially as you watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos,
and, you know, they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag,
they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth,
because they don't want to lose that taste of the flavor and the broken chips in the bottom.
You know, women, I think, would love to do the same, but they don't.
They don't like to crunch too loudly in public, and, you know, they don't lick their fingers generously,
and they don't like to pour the little broken pieces and the flavor into their mouth.
I've seen them do it.
So is there, like, a male and female version of chips that you're playing with or no?
It's not a male and female as much as--
Okay, right there, very important moment.
Yep, not as--yep.
Dubner, the Dubes, says, answer point blank.
Give it to me straight, Indra.
Are you about to unveil some pink bag of Doritos that cost $4 more?
His and hers.
So is there, like, a male and female version of chips that you're playing with or no?
It's not a male and female as much as other snacks for women that can be designed and packaged differently,
and, yes, we are looking at it, and we're getting ready to launch a bunch of them soon.
For women, you know, low crunch, the full taste profile, you know, not have so much of the flavor stick on the fingers,
and how can you put it in your purse because women love to carry a snack in their purse.
The whole design capability we built in PepsiCo was to allow design to work with innovation,
not just on packaging colors but to go through the entire cycle and say all the way to the product in the pantry
or how it's being carried around or how they eat it in the car or drink it in the car,
what should be the design of the product, the package, the experience, so that we can influence the entire chain.
Okay, so here's one way to look at it.
What the CEO is saying is that she believes that women are looking for something in the chip category that they're not getting.
And so when he asked her, "So are you going to, therefore, condescend to them and say, 'Here's lady Doritos'?"
She laughs and says, "No, of course not."
What we're trying to do is have a wider array of chips, including ones that would solve the problems that supposedly some women have with Doritos.
Look, I'm not taking sides here, but I'm saying I guess if you wanted to be charitable,
you would say that the female CEO of the company saw a way in which female chip lovers were being underserved
and rather than condescend to them and treat them like children, she just wanted to give them something.
So it almost sounds like they weren't getting ready to roll out a pink bag of Doritos.
They were getting ready to roll out more types of Doritos so just that when a man or a woman walks into the place,
there's a choice for people who carry purses and who don't like dust on their fingers.
So who knows, maybe Jake, you would be part of that psychographic.
I would be. And it's weird because you could just come out with a more chilled out version of Doritos.
Maybe that was the plan all along and she got in trouble by answering his question, his gendered question.
Or they're thinking, look, we've tried that before. We put out the original kind of mellow Doritos in the old bag.
It doesn't sell. People don't care. They want to go for the hyper saturated nacho cheese Dorito.
Yeah, this time around, we're going to release the mellow Dorito, but we're going to brand it as feminine because that might sell more.
Well, you know what? We'll never know because at this point they're going to react to this firestorm they created.
We'll never know what the branding was going to look like.
If the branding was going to be like, because there still are products like straight up razors that are marketed towards women.
They're pink and they're more expensive. You can't get more cut and dry than that.
It's like, yeah, here women, deodorant. This is what this is the color you like.
This is the color that defines you. And we're going to gouge you.
For all we know, they're going to roll out something that was just like chilled Doritos.
For all we know, she was thinking, look, for chilled Doritos, it's going to be men and women.
We're guessing it's going to be about 75 percent women and 25 percent kind of just chill out dudes.
Like maybe that's what she thought, but look, the language she used was not helpful.
If there is ever the impregnable question of what, what did or didn't pass, it would help to seek comfort in destiny.
But I really don't see. I need you. And you're always on my mind.
Whether there is or isn't any position you care if I take or I don't.
I will always hold what we shared so long.
To be the only love and though we don't see eye to eye. I need you. And you're always on my mind.
The first place to report it was not a right wing news source. It was salon.com, which I believe is considered center left moderate.
And they had a tone of outrage. They said that the PepsiCo CEO revealed that the company would be launching lady snacks.
So already they're using they're kind of twisting the language a little bit.
Yeah, but, you know, I'm not dissing them, but they of course, she didn't say lady snacks when he suggested that she was going to launch lady snacks.
She laughed and said, not really. Yeah, but was what salon said.
Finally, allowing women everywhere to eat between meals, just as men have done for centuries.
Were you not aware that crunchy, crunchy chips were secretly somehow insufficiently feminine?
More of the full you. So salon was like immediately just kind of like you, Indra.
Yeah. And then the New York Post picked up on it, but they weren't particularly using inflammatory language.
And then the Washington Post wrote something opinion piece that actually it's about the marketing less than the product itself.
The argument underlying much of the anger around the mythical lady Doritos pointedly calling it mythical rests on the idea that women eat Doritos just the same as men.
Thank you very much. And suggesting otherwise is all stereotype and no substance.
Maybe or maybe as any competent company does PepsiCo conducted focus groups to see how men and women ate their snacks.
Maybe the research showed that men actually are more comfortable than many women crunching in public, just like they're more comfortable sitting astride a subway
seat like a colossus because society has told them they can't.
In that case, PepsiCo isn't developing a product based only on sexism.
PepsiCo is developing a product based on real life behaviors that are themselves based on sexism.
So, you know, that's like a more nuanced take. Yeah.
They're basically like we live in a sexist world. Society is the egg. Doritos wishes the chicken.
Yeah. Doritos wishes. Wait, what? That if we didn't live in a sexist world, but we do.
It's pretty DC. Yeah. Face facts. Like, yeah, new Doritos. Listen, the world's sexist.
We know that you would love to just be getting nacho cheese on your fingers and guzzling Doritos outside.
But you can't. It's not safe for you to do that. Maybe in 100 years, maybe in a thousand years.
But as long as we live under the patriarchy, Doritos is going to do you a solid Doritos.
Oh, yeah. Just I don't know. So obviously people really took that and ran with it.
There's like so many memes about it. But then Doritos came out and said, we already have Doritos for women.
They're called Doritos and they're loved by millions. So we get into this.
This whole conversation was this very weird meta thing. And then the right wing did get involved with it.
The right wing. What did Hannity say this time? Piers Morgan called this said it was anti-feminism.
Can we listen to Piers? Is there a Piers club? This is what Piers Morgan had to say about it.
It's the other thing that's really caught my eye today, because it's just people just do stupid things on these things.
Right. Doritos. Right. Doritos. They're cheesy, Chris. I like them.
You probably see by the state of me how much I like them. Right. I quite fancy them this morning.
So Doritos are made by PepsiCo, one of the biggest companies in the world.
PepsiCo is run by a woman, Indra Noyer. She's one of the many times.
Very smart lady. One of the many times in the world. Right.
And yet she thinks the way to progress feminism and women's rights is we're going to have new Doritos, lady friendly Doritos.
They're going to be less crunchy because women don't like making noise.
They're going to be smaller so they can fit into your handbag.
Oh, I thought you were going to say so they can fit into your mouth.
She actually said this. Although women would love to crunch crisps loudly, lick their fingers and pour crumbs from the bag into their mouth afterwards,
they prefer not to do this in public, said Indra. Really? Really? Let's just test this.
Ew. Ew. Very crunchy. No, not the right thing to eat.
She's not going to eat Doritos. Doritos.
This is disgusting. Imagine how many more you could get in if you were eating lady Doritos.
Doritos. OK, so now, OK, now, Doritos. I think I finally, I finally understand Heather's email.
She's suggesting that perhaps the women of Doritos, including their leader, their dear leader, Indra.
The women of Doritos. Oh, my lady, lady Doritos.
She's suggesting that the women of Doritos believed in their heart of hearts that women would benefit from having a wider array of Doritos products.
But then a weird combination of left wing outrage and weird right wing anti feminism came together to stymie something that actually could have shaken up the Doritos
status quo.
It's that weird tension where sometimes you'll find the right wing will, like, call stuff sexist or racist when people want to point a light to how a community is being
underserved.
Yeah, I'm not even convinced it's too crazy to compare it to Doritos. But, you know, there's a classic right wing argument against affirmative action.
Left wing says we have groups in our country who've been faced oppression and horrible forever.
I think it's reasonable that we can reserve spots for them in state universities or something.
And the right wing would say, no, that's racist because everybody's the same.
I thought that proving you're not racist means that you think everybody's the same. You left wingers are telling me that that person, because of their background or
their ethnic group, deserves special treatment.
That sounds pretty racist. So obviously much lower level here. But you're getting this with Piers Morgan.
He's saying, oh, you think women maybe have different needs for products?
Oh, I thought that that sounds pretty sexist to me.
And maybe what Heather's trying to say is like, maybe some women do want more products and that are the patriarchy doesn't serve them.
I'm with it. I'd buy Lady Doritos.
How do you make a Dorito less crunchy, though? Is it even still a Dorito at that point?
I know that's the part that bums me out. They're going to be a little soggy.
So it's just like, OK, you know, it's like stale.
I also want to say something is that we've been called out on TC that we don't have enough female guests.
We don't have enough guests, period. Today we had no guests.
But especially given that the makeup of the core team of Time Crisis is all male.
We do need to get a better job. We used to be better at it.
I don't know what happened. As we've had less guests, we've had less women straight up.
We're just getting really insular. We're getting really insular.
We're just like, and the truth is, the snake's eating its own tail with this show.
Basically. And we're a little bit like Doritos. We're underserving our female listeners.
And actually, I would say no disrespect to the fellas, but a lot of our best listener emails come from women.
True. I think the next show, because Time Crisis is never timely.
I want to get some women talking about Lady Doritos because we've just had we just had a male gab session.
Here we are. Here we are talking about Lady Doritos.
Just two to three guys, a bunch of entitled guys talking Lady Doritos.
And we haven't even heard from a woman, although I do appreciate that Heather wrote in.
Although I don't want to say maybe we shouldn't assume Heather's gender either.
But anyway, next time on Time Crisis, I want to get into this stuff because for us, we walk through life as men.
We buy male razors. Although I've always enjoyed shaving with women's razors like a Venus.
Never done it. Really? Like shaving your face?
Yeah. You've never been looking for a razor and your wife or girlfriend had her feminine marketed?
No, I never used it. Really? Some of them have this like built in like soft soapy stuff.
I'll check it out, man. Leave you smooth as a baby. I love it. Anyway.
You're right that we have not covered corporate fast food enough on this show.
So next episode, we're really going to go deep. We're going to go deeper. With a female perspective on these timely issues.
I think next time we should basically redo this whole episode with women.
Because the truth is Diet Coke used to be, is kind of still marketed towards women.
Even though the most famous DC drinker in America is a big man. Brutal.
A big dumb man named Donald Trump. So anyway, we do need more female perspectives on this show.
I'm genuinely curious because this is we've reached the end of our road here as men.
We see different women with different opinions on Lady Doritos and we don't know. We can't solve this puzzle.
Are there a lot of women out there who would say thank you Indra for thinking about us and realizing that we're different than these disgusting entitled men who crunch
loudly?
Or is that ingrained sexism? I don't know. We got to find out. Tune in in two weeks for another 45 minutes of discussion on Lady Doritos.
We're doing a time craze. We're doing a TC town hall.
Hey, I think I'm falling in love again.
When I get that crazy feeling, I know I'm in trouble again.
I'm in trouble because you're a rambler and a gambler and a sweet talking ladies man.
And you love your loving.
Like you love your freedom.
Help me, I think I'm falling in love too fast.
It's got me hoping for the future and worrying about the past.
Cause I've seen some hard hot blazes come down to smoke and ash.
We love our loving.
Not like we love our freedom.
All right, Jake, you ready for the top top five? Oh yeah.
It's time for the top five on iTunes.
Jake, this week for the top five, we'll be comparing the top five iTunes songs right now to the top five billboard hits of 1977.
The year you were born. Yeah, we just can't stay away from the seventies, man.
Yep. Wait, who else was born on the day? Who was the writer? Sam.
Sam. Shout out to Sam. This is your birthday year.
The number five song in 1977 today was the Silvers with Hotline.
77. A lot of like kind of fun, funky dance music.
Hotline, Hotline, calling on the hotline for your love, for your love.
Hotline, Hotline, calling on the hotline, on the hotline.
I'm calling on the hotline for your love, baby, cause I'm burning up like a hotline.
This kind of has like a Smokey Robinson vibe, like a deep cut from like sixties work.
It almost feels like a tiny bit of like throwback. Yeah.
It reminds me of like some of the music from Greece or something. Right, right.
Like vaguely referencing the fifties and sixties.
Well, it's funny, we're talking about the 20 years nostalgia thing of like all this 90s stuff that's being dramatized on TV now.
But if you think about it in the seventies, like the fifties. Yeah, you had happy days on TV.
Early rock and roll would have been 20 years old. So, prime for nostalgia.
I feel like there was a lot of stuff in the late seventies that was like, I mean, like Greece, like, or like,
arguably all of punk rock was a little bit of a retro. Certainly the Ramones, certainly the Ramones.
Yeah. This is kind of a corny novelty single. Yeah. Never heard that in my life.
Although it's interesting, Hotline. We had a Hotline hit a few years ago, Hotline Bling by Drake.
True. That's a nice thing that maybe a child and a grandparent could bond over.
That's a nice continuity. Maybe a nine year old saying, Grandma, I love this Hotline song.
You mean Hotline by the Silvers? No, Grandma, I'm only eight.
Oh, well, when I was a young woman, we had a novelty single by the Silvers and it was, I don't know if you'd call it disco, but it was, it was fun.
Kind of a throwback to early rock. Yeah. Had a slight. Thank you, Grandma. I love you, Grandma.
That song is kind of sweet and corny. Yeah. I'm on a Hotline for your love.
The number five song right now, guy who performed at the Super Bowl to very mixed reviews.
Although I think a lot of that was just he was fine. It was totally fine. It was totally fine.
It was a Super Bowl performance. Anybody wants to die on the hill that Justin Timberlake sucked at the Super Bowl?
Great dancer. Let's you know what? See, solid. I watched the halftime show later that night.
OK, you did have to. I was like, I got to watch this halftime show.
I'm a media professional. That's right. I'm going to have to weigh in. Yeah.
On Time Crisis later this week. Got to watch this halftime show. Yeah.
Thought he was a great dancer. His catalog has a couple of like monster hits. I know.
He opened with that really weak new song. Wait, this one, the number five song.
I like this opening. This almost reminds me of like, almost Metallica.
Yes. It's like real minor and like heavy.
So real. This is a good song. I like this song. This is a good song.
Well, no, you notice that he opened with it. Did half the song when he's still in the basement.
Yeah. Like, let's just get that out of the way because let's get to the good part of the set.
But come on, once this part comes in, it's funky.
I don't know what I'm listening to right now. This is just like incoherent and like what the hell is this?
You're acting like the past 30 years of music haven't had weird sounds in them.
Sometimes that can work. Sometimes it can be really distracting.
Fair enough. You don't like the song. I'm saying is I saw a lot of people.
I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't know the song needs.
But come on, our whole lives. You're a guy who listens to noisy indie rock, old hip hop.
That is all sorts of crazy noises. Sometimes it can work.
In my day, music sounded more like not. I like a nice.
I like a nice feedback. I like a nice feedback squeal.
I like a nice four minute feedback outro. I like a nice Cypress Hill, atonal saxophone sample.
That's the kind of sound. Yeah. House of Pain, dude.
What happened to music? We used to have a tonal saxophone squeals and feedback.
And now we get it. Well, no, here's the thing. Here's the difference, man.
What's the difference? Constant. This is just a constant wash of this.
On Cypress Hill or House of Pain, it's punctuated. It's one per measure.
You know, I'm right. You hit it like bass.
Wah. Yeah. It's a wobbly wobble bass. Rough.
OK, fair enough. You don't like the song. I think that one's pretty good.
But I just want to say that, again, time crisis come with the timely takes that there were so many people and whatever.
Fans are going to say whatever. But there's some high profile journalists who went so far to the way to say how terrible.
Yeah. Justin Timberlake's halftime performances. Lighten up, guys.
I'm not saying that there aren't legitimate reasons to criticize Justin Timberlake.
There's a lot of conversation about did he. Yeah, the bass wah. That's a legitimate reason.
OK, bass wah is one. Did he do enough to support Janet Jackson? Has he made amends for that?
That was a major thing. Is his relationship to R&B as a white man? Has he been thoughtful about that?
These are all very valid questions. But at the end of the day, he got up there and he played most of his hits,
85 percent of which are generally regarded as great songs. He didn't suck. I agree.
He did not suck. And people like want to just prove so hard just to avoid it. He got.
Honestly, it was five percent worse than Lady Gaga last year. What about the Prince thing?
Oh, yeah. People are mad about that. I was fine with it.
Well, you do a cover of the guy that is the local hero that just died recently.
Well, it was off to a bad start because people thought he was going to bring out a hologram.
But he didn't. And Prince was on record as saying he didn't like that kind of stuff.
He didn't do it. He's just had some bad luck, I think, with the press a little bit.
But paying tribute in Minneapolis to one of the greatest entertainers of all time.
That makes sense to me. It'd be weirder not to do it.
He would have done all Minnesota hits. Do some replacements, do some Bob Dylan, Soul Asylum.
Really pay tribute to the region. You know, him and Prince had beef during Prince's life.
I didn't. OK, so maybe we don't know the whole story. What was the beef?
Well, I think there were a few things. But one thing was when Sexy Back came out,
Prince was quoted or he did some press conference or interview where he kind of made this joke.
You know, why are you trying to bring Sexy Back? Sexy never left.
Saying, you know, I'm Prince. I'm I'm sexy. I'm still here.
And then Justin did this song with Nelly Furtado and Timbaland.
I remember the song. And he has this line in it that's like a subtweet at Prince where he says,
if sexy never left, why is everybody on my ****?
And so there's this kind of like very low key subterranean kind of beef happening with him and Prince.
It was a cold war of sexiness. It never reached a violent phase, but there was some deep tension.
It was a great. It seemed like Prince wasn't a fan of JT.
I think Prince, he was kind of hard on a lot of people, right?
Yeah, he was kind of a grump a little bit, right? Prince was infamously a very funny hater.
And I think that when he had fun with it, he had fun with it.
Actually, he was known to. Well, in a recent interview, Quincy Jones suggested that Prince once tried to mow down Michael Jackson with his car.
So maybe it wasn't always fun and games. Some of those Quincy interviews recently have been gold.
There are some strong moments, but he also said that once Prince gave Michael a weird box of strange items to kind of scare him.
Whoa, like some weird cufflinks like voodoo dolls and stuff.
And apparently Prince would call Michael Jackson Camille just to get under his skin.
Wow. I've heard all sorts of funny stories about Prince just being kind of a prankster. Right.
He's a funny dude. Yeah. I mean, he was a rest in peace.
So, yeah, I would also say that I hope that that wasn't real beef, because if you're Justin Timberlake and a legend like Prince makes a funny off the cuff comment like,
oh, I wasn't aware that sexy left.
I hope that he was responding in jest because like I'm sure. Yeah, I don't. That doesn't sound like real beef.
He doesn't seem like a guy who's taking himself overly seriously. Yeah.
So Justin Timberlake did not suck at the Super Bowl. You're in here first that Justin Timberlake did not suck at the Super Bowl.
Now, if you're one of those people, if you're like a Diet Coke drinker with that intense technological nihilism and you just think everything sucks and you want to say,
no, Justin Timberlake suck.
Just like Lady Gaga suck. Just like everything sucks. Just like the Super Bowl suck. Just like modern life sucks.
I'm with that. Except Bitcoin, Bitcoin, Bitcoin, BC and DC.
What's a beverage that pairs nicely with Bitcoin Diet Coke? The number four song back in 77, your birth year, Jake, was Daz by Brick.
I like this song. I was a week old at this point. Where were you born in Connecticut?
I was my parents were living in upstate New York, but the closest hospital was in Connecticut.
They cross state lines. I was born in 1977 in suburban Connecticut.
This song playing. Yeah. I wonder what car my parents were like going to the hospital to throw in the Buick.
I'm thinking like an early 70s Subaru or something. What town in Connecticut would you was born in Sharon, which is right near the New York state border.
But then I grew up in Southbury. Yeah, they move there like a year later.
Southbury, Connecticut, 1977. It was no joke. This was the place to see and be seen.
And this group of fellas were ready to be seen. Construction on the South for Plaza had just broken ground in May of 77.
By August, the McDonald's would be open. Later that year, Kmart broke ground.
This is total montage scene of super funky in my neighborhood.
But in my neighborhood, Southbury, Connecticut. Great song.
I used to have a funk compilation as a kid. That song was on it. I was like 70s funk. Incredible and popular.
I mean, I feel like every time we do a 70s top five, it's like half instrumental.
Yeah, I mean, that first song was kind of wack, but that was a cool song.
The number four single on iTunes right now in our era is a new Drake one.
It's called God's Plan. God's Plan. I'll be honest.
When I first heard this, I was kind of like Drake's running out of steam.
He's got nothing to talk about anymore. And then I see videos of large groups of frat boys rapping the words.
This is one of his best singles. What do I know? Well, if it's touching frat boys, then, you know, it's gold.
Let's try. Interesting fact about Drake. He's Canadian.
Really? Yeah, he's from Toronto. Not a lot of Canadian rappers. That must be hard for him.
Does he live in Toronto still? Is he around town? I think he has homes, properties. He actually has a restaurant there.
Really? Yeah, you see him around. I'd be in like a shopping mall and I would see him.
You think he can afford to keep a place in Toronto?
I feel like work would probably take him to L.A. so often that that place is probably sitting empty half the time.
I think he's got it on Airbnb.
As we talked about last time, Drake still is very stressed out about the haters.
I get it, man. It's very hard. The haters never leave. They're going to say it's fake.
Haters going to say it's fake. Actually, yeah, that's two songs in a row in 2018 about haters.
Bad things that they wishin' on me.
Well, you know, I guess the positive spin would be like if Justin Timberlake and Drake, two very wealthy men, are still stressed about haters,
then that means that money doesn't buy happiness.
Can't buy me love.
Drake always reminds me of that Dylan song, Positively 4th Street.
You got it, Latin Earth.
The song, that's all really organ-driven, which is sort of like the synth of its day.
Something in this very paranoid, like, you're a fake friend, you come up and smile to me, but I know you want me to fail.
That song, it's one of my favorite Dylan songs, but every single Drake song, it always reminds me of that.
You say, "How are you? Good luck," but you don't mean it.
Fans of the show, look up Positively 4th Street.
Great song, very influenced by Drake.
Back to the 1977, we got Leo Sayer, You Make Me Feel Like Dancing.
This is like the epitome of just like, late 70s goofiness.
Sick bass.
Sick falsetto.
Jake, you know who's playing guitar on this?
Give me a hint.
He's a very respected funk songwriter, guitarist, and performer, but for most people, he became defined by a novelty single for a 80s comedy.
Massive 80s single.
Ray Parker Jr.
Ray Parker Jr., yeah.
A lot of people know Ray Parker Jr. is playing guitar right here, as the guy who said, "Ghostbusters."
Wrote the song.
But he's an incredible--
Session guy?
And he had his own band called Radio.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
He's still got a studio up in North Hollywood.
Have you met him?
No.
Do some sessions up there, man.
I know somebody's done sessions with him, and they're like, "You know, Ray Parker Jr.'s an incredible guitarist, and he's got his own studio still in North Hollywood."
Wow.
That's just some feel-good 70s [bleep]
Can't say anything bad about it.
Back to our modern times, the number three song is The Weeknd and Kendrick Lamar from the Black Panther soundtrack, "Pray For Me."
Wow, I haven't heard this yet.
Have you seen Black Panther?
Is it out yet?
I saw an early screening.
Really?
I saw a very early screening, I'm proud to say.
I'm humble bragging, I'm just bragging to say.
It's very good.
Is this Weeknd here?
Yep.
Does this have too much noisy bassline for you?
No, I'm in, I'm in.
It's sparse, it's not messy.
The JT single's just like a mess.
JT is a mess.
No, just the JT single.
Jeb is a mess.
This is like clean and bright.
Man, I heard "Starboy" the other day on the radio, and I was like, "That song is tight."
You're a Weeknd fan.
I kind of am, and it brought me back to early TC days.
Those were the days.
Peak of the show, 2015.
The show's gone downhill.
It's true.
It's good to get some Weeknd back on TC, it's been a while.
Yeah, it feels real good.
It's been a solid four or five months.
Breath of fresh air.
You like this song?
Yeah, I mean, sure.
It's a soundtrack song.
I was just going to say, it's funny.
It's always funny to me.
There's another Ghostbusters.
They could have gotten ripped.
Parker Junior, too.
Ghostbusters is like, "Black Panther, who you gonna call?"
But Ghostbusters is like a funny song to fit the mood of the movie, and I don't like it
when there's super earnest songs for comic book movies.
It's like, "Come on, guys."
It's so serious.
Actually, I will say that there's jokes in the movie.
I would hope so.
There's some lightness.
Is it rated R?
PG-13?
I don't know.
Probably PG-13.
They want to sell tickets to kids, right?
Yeah.
I can't imagine it would be rated R.
But there's some solid comic relief in the film.
Are you going to see it, Jake?
Yeah, probably.
Are you up on the Marvel Cinematic Universe?
No, I don't like comic book movies.
Okay.
I saw Wonder Woman last year.
I thought that sucked.
Oh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It was awful.
Here's my concern with Black Panther.
Is there a 40-minute fight scene at the end in a warehouse?
No.
Okay.
Black Panther primarily-
Is there a long drawn-out?
Is it 40 minutes too long, the movie?
Or 20 minutes too long?
No, it didn't feel too long.
Yeah, look, any movie you could probably cut down 10 minutes or 15.
It didn't feel egregiously long.
Give me an hour 40.
That's what I want.
And one thing that's fresh about it is that it's a mostly black cast,
which is very rare for any kind of big-budget movie,
let alone a comic book movie.
And most of it takes place in the fictional African nation of Wakanda.
[laughs]
So, no, but it gives it a freshness that it's not-
Do they have crazy powers?
I just hate it when people have shooting flames and lightning bolts out of their hands,
and they're just like, buildings are exploding, and dudes are jumping over buildings.
Okay, essentially you're saying you just like regular action movies.
Yeah, yeah.
No, Jake, it's a superhero movie.
I like Die Hard.
But see, I like Batman.
Batman, he doesn't have any special powers.
But he's doing crazy [bleep]
No, I know, but it's not like-
You don't like when people jump too high.
I actually don't like the Batman movies.
Okay, so you just don't like superhero movies.
I like the first one from like 30 years ago.
Okay, you don't like superhero movies, so you're like-
No, no, no, I don't like superhero movies.
Okay, no, I'm excited to check it out, but it's not one of those movies-
I feel like I'll see it out of just momentum of the culture.
I'll just be in a situation where people are like,
"Hey, so-and-so and so-and-so are going to see Black Panther on Sunday.
Should we go?"
Okay.
You should see it. It's good.
But I'm saying, I was responding to you saying,
"Does it take place all in anonymous warehouses?"
I'm saying, "No, most of it takes place in the fictional African nation of Wakanda."
So whether you love the film or not, it's like you're seeing this kind of
interesting mix of kind of like the nature of the nation,
like kind of beautiful plains and mountains,
and they have this kind of like special technology.
It's just some s*** you haven't seen before.
Okay, cool.
And then there is like the kind of slightly more basic South Korean casino scene.
See, that piques my interest.
That's- Okay.
And there are powers.
There's a lot of tech.
You know what? There's a strong James Bond element in it.
That could be cool.
There's tech.
Although late period Bond I also struggle with.
Yeah, some of those movies are tough.
Time for a new Bond, right?
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of talk that people have been saying,
"Could Idris Elba be the next Bond?"
Seems like a slam dunk.
Yeah, why not?
Anyway, the number two song in 1977 was from a classic album,
Songs in the Key of Life.
Hmm.
Stevie.
Is this Sir Duke?
No.
I wish.
I mean, there's a lot of monster hits on that album.
I wish.
Very funky.
Some younger people might be more familiar with this song in the Will Smith version
called Going Straight to the Wild Wild West,
which sampled this.
Oh yeah, I forgot that.
We going straight to the wild wild west.
Looking back on when I was a little nappy-headed boy.
We don't talk about Stevie Wonder enough.
We talk about faithful '70s palette, but also insane adventurous.
Yeah, his run of albums in the '70s is comparable--
Unparalleled.
Yeah, it's comparable to the Kanye's, the Radiohead's, the Beatles, whatever.
These people famously have these album runs.
We were happy with the jolly day with Brie
Sneaking out the back door
To hang out with those good lumpkins of mine
Ooh
Breaking out the back door
You know what's cool about Stevie too?
He produced the album.
Did he play every instrument too?
Or is that a hocker bowl?
I don't know. He probably could have.
I feel like I've heard that.
Thinking it might stop her
From whipping you behind
That pistol case
Good
Come back once more
Why did those days
End
That pistol case
Good
Come back once more
Why did those days
End
I haven't checked his albums in a while.
I kind of want to revisit "Secret Life of Plants" and stuff.
That's when he got weird.
Yeah.
Those are good though.
Yeah, 'cause actually in the '70s,
he won Album of the Year at the Grammys, I think twice in a row.
Wow.
And then he took a year off and came back and won it again.
Really?
Yeah, he had an incredible run.
He had an incredible run.
"Talking Book," "Intervision."
"Intervision's" songs in the key of life.
Unbelievable run.
Oh, wow.
That's a pretty cool song
to have on the charts when you were born.
That's fun.
Back to our time.
We got another appearance by Justin Timberlake
on the Top 5 iTunes Songs.
Ooh, a new song.
I have a feeling he's still--
He got a new album out.
He headlined the Super Bowl.
Haters gonna say it's fake,
but he's got real fans.
This is Justin Timberlake featuring Chris Stapleton.
You remember him?
He's a country singer.
It's called "Say Something."
So this is kind of a country song.
It's produced by Timbaland and some other people.
It's kind of country R&B.
Is Chris singing?
I think they're both singing.
Very long chorus.
This is Chris.
You know, I wouldn't call this country.
That's weak.
People have been questioning a lot if JT is country on this album,
but if anything, that mix of kind of minor acoustic guitar
and some slight nods to hip-hop and R&B
makes me actually think more of some late '90s music, such as this.
Sound familiar, Jake?
It does.
Is this Everlast?
Yeah.
Say something.
Oh, Whitey Ford?
Yeah, yeah.
The blues?
Whatever genre this is, this is what that JT song is.
Yeah, this is so much more legit.
Did you feel this one?
It sounds more inspired and sort of authentic to this guy's vibe.
The other one just felt overcooked, like in a lab or something.
You shouldn't say anything or just like wait you mean the one that was about like
Waiting waiting on the world to change. It's like very futile or just like you're just giving up
You're just like waiting on the work. I just keep on waiting
Waiting on the world the changes like all right, bro
Now everybody we know we can't do anything to change the world, but we can't keep waiting
Grab a diet coke this is a pretty song I've always had a soft spot for it. It's a very pretty song
It's got a really nice little guitar solo in it
It's got a really nice little guitar solo in it
Is
My friends we're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and there's no way we ever could
Now we see everything that's going wrong with the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means to rise above and beat it. So we keep waiting
Waiting waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting waiting on the world to change
It's hard to beat the system when we're standing at a distance so we keep waiting
waiting
Waiting on the world to change
All right, so it's basically it's like he's not embracing the feeling of futility
Well, he's he's kind of saying don't beat up on that. Well, also, you know, that song is fairly old
Is that from pre-obama or yeah, probably I think that was bush era. Okay, because it'd be weird
To release that in like 2011. No, I think that was solidly in the bush years
So he understandably he's like everybody tells us do something and maybe he's like
We did something man. We got out in the streets against the iraq war didn't change
Democrats even voted for jesus like what can we do?
I've got nothing to say
That was also in the bush era
I've got nothing to say
And now in the trump era
Say something
The number one song as previously discussed
When you were born jake
Yeah, rose royce car wash. This was the theme song for the movie car wash never seen it. Have you seen it?
uh
No, i've never seen the whole thing
Well real goofy top five from 77 this song is goofy in that but it's legitimately funky
Like this is cool. I'm not saying it's not funky. I'm just i'm saying the overall vibe of 77 is
I'm, not even saying it's in a critical way. It's just real lightweight
This groove is not lightweight. That's true
Car wash takes place in los angeles seems like good movie to watch we should watch that. Yeah
70s great time for film, too
Yeah
All 70s music you just picture like strings and also you just picture like grainy footage of like
New york or la just like people going to work, right?
Is it just the tone of the late 70s? Just like
Oh boy
Going to work world keeps spinning
It's hot today. Yeah
Like pulling into like a drive-through off a sunset radio announcer
another beautiful day in los angeles
On the miracle mile it'll be 96
Crime's on the rise 92 at the coast 102 in the valley
I'm, joking last time about tc being like a real basic drive time radio show. Yeah
And that's that was rose rice with car wash anyway, jake a heartwarming story
Out of rancho vista
Rancho is that a real place?
Rancho vista rancho vista. That's the best like fictional california name ever or like
it's like uh
Oh, no, we were talking about when they when they drive kind of like scary harsh stories. Oh, yeah. Yeah, just like
A kind of uh eerie story out of a rancho vista young girl came home to from school
to find a dead man in the
Covered in peanut butter covered in peanut butter in the kitchen
Of course, she assumed it was her father ran out of the house crying to the neighbors
Uh, but in a nice turn of events, it wasn't it was a drifter
Or does like the night stalker music in this week
Yeah fourth victim claimed chula vista, yeah
Yeah, like the 70s were such a at least the way they're popularly portrayed it's such a weird mix of kind of like
Feel good and just like raw terror. Yeah, and actually this song sounds like it it has like a touch of darkness in it
It's like a comedy it's like a car wash based comedy
God that seems prime for a redo, right?
the zodiac killer sent another one of his wacky letters to the
San francisco chronicle and boy, is this one a doozy?
That's a great birthday number one the dow jones hit 225 points today
Yeah
Another wacky kidnapping at a u.s. Embassy
Cold war still going on. How about that?
20 000 nukes pointed at us another group of u.s. Backed insurgents
Undermine the sovereignty of a communist nation
But this part will have you dying laughing
Okay, the number one song of our time are equally
uncomfortable times
carrie underwood
Out of nowhere featuring ludacris. Wow
I mean, we are like legends from the past here. The song is called the champion
Okay, listen to this I love a ludaverse before we even hear this the champion
This song carrie underwood featuring ludacris the champion was featured on the 2018 super bowl
I missed that and it was written specifically for the super bowl
Carrie underwood sent the song to ludacris whose verse is an acrostic of the word champion. Wow. Okay, this is interesting
So this is a song I guess about the super bowl. Okay
And shout out to our 2018
Super bowl champions the eagles we take you now to downtown philadelphia
Where the fans are having the time of their lives?
You could just set like all like the the eagles riots footage to this. Yeah
Okay, the champion sounds like this
Oh my god, I already hate it
It's so not fun
That's carrie underwood
Kind of robotic auto-tune country dude my favorite genre
Yeah, i'm a fighter like rocky put your flag on your back like ollie
The palm muted like metal guitar this sounds like diet coke tastes
Yeah
Jesus we want you to write a song that embodies diet coke
How is this I hate this so much who is the number one actually back back in the day
This is the type of song that they would use in a diet coke ad
When diet coke still like believed in itself right before it entered its like post post modern phase of like what is life?
it used to be like
Because you're a young independent woman. You're not gonna drink regular coke. This is like fight song, dude
Yeah, but totally worse
I have to say I knew the clinton campaign was doomed when they chose to fight song
Damn, that was harsh. I was like, come on man fight song
Let's get to the later part. Yeah, this this sucks
The c is for the courage I possess through the drama h is for the hurt
But it's all for the honor a is for my attitude working through the patience money comes and goes the m is for motivation
Gotta stay consistent. The p is to persevere the i is for integrity innovative career
The o is optimistic open and never shut and the n is necessary because i'm never giving up
See they ask me how I did it. I just did it from the heart question the competition been doing it from the start
They say that every champion is all about his principles
You just cut out early I feel like he had like two bars left. She's like carry what he wanted her to take. Oh my god
That rules
Oh god, holy cow that makes fight song sound like joni mitchell. Yeah
Good lord
I you know, I try to keep it positive on this show, but
I I cannot abide the champion
That's brutal. That's rough stuff
That's rough stuff
See when you hear a song like the champion you just realize like modern life is meaningless
look
Here's the thing about diet coke
What is life
It's delicious. It makes me feel this actually sounds a lot better after listening to the champion if you want to live in a yurt
Yurt it up if you want to run a marathon. I mean that sounds super hard, but okay
I mean
Just do you whatever that is and if you're in the mood for a diet coke
Have a diet coke
that really was refreshing after listening the champion the champion is trying to force this like
Big epic notion of what it means to succeed down your throat and the diet coke ad
is a better song in my opinion because it's just
Just saying, you know, I agree
Let's go out on a kind note. Yeah with black throated wind
Oh, yeah, because we got to do a quick shout out to the recently deceased this past week
John, perry barlow who uh, he did a lot of things in his life. He's kind of an early thinker and writer on about the internet
Apparently he worked on a 70s dick cheney, uh congressional campaign in wyoming
But for us we'll always remember him as part of the grateful dead family. He was a lyricist who collaborated primarily with bob weir
After bob weir and robert hunter got in a fight
Right because hunter was like i'm done. I'm done. I'm a jerry guy
Barlow you take him
verbatim and um
They wrote some songs pretty good stuff
This is not bad. So black throated wind is tight. Throw it on. So this is your favorite jp barlow
Yeah, and we're not even do mexicali blues. Let's do brutal
That's inappropriate. This is a family show. Yeah
Let's go for the black throated. Yeah, but for real rest in peace. John perry barlow
You're a legend and thank you for all you did. Hey, here's uh, some of your best work black throated wind
We'll see you guys in two weeks
So
But i'm here by the road
I'm bound to the low
That I picked up in 10 000 cafes and bars
Alone with the right of the drivers that won't pick me up
The highway the moon the clouds the stars
The black throated wind
Keeps on pouring in with its words of a life where nothing is new
Ah mother american night i'm lost from the light
Time crisis with ezra king
Be be be be be be be one
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