Episode 62: Lady Doritos Town Hall
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Transcript
Time Crisis back again with a very special episode. This one is Lady Doritos Town Hall
where we're getting some female voices on the program to discuss women, consumerism,
and marketing. We'll also be counting down the top five songs of today with hits from
Bebe Rexha and Drake. Plus, Jake and I talk about this and that. Chit Chat. Black Cat.
Time Crisis with Ezra King. Bebe Rexha. One.
They passed me by, all of those great romances. The war I fell to, I believe, all my rightful chances.
My picture clear, everything seemed so easy. And so I dealt to the blow, one of us had to go.
Now it's different, I want you to know. One of us is crying, one of us is lying.
Leave it on me babe.
Time Crisis back once again. What up, Jake? Not much, man. You ready for a very special episode?
Yeah. Town Hall episode? Yeah, this episode's called Lady Dorito Town Hall.
We made a promise to our listeners on the last show, and we've been realizing that because the show is hosted by two men,
and we don't have guests every episode, that just means de facto we're going to get a lot of male energy,
not a lot of female voices. So already we wanted to try to have more female voices, but given the Lady Dorito controversy
of three to four weeks ago, we decided we got to get some more women calling in to talk about this.
So later in the show, we're going to be talking to a bunch of women about Lady Doritos and just, you know,
bigger issues of sexism and consumerism, this and that. But we have such a jam-packed episode that we can't just vibe out,
just having free-flowing conversations with three to four pivots.
Although I did make a new playlist for the show. Oh, really? Speaking of, um...
Did we get much feedback for Jake's tasteful palate? Um, not really.
Yeah, what's up with that? We didn't get too many fan emails about that.
I think I got crickets on that. For all we know, people are just listening and enjoying.
Maybe I got a few tweets. But speaking of meandering, I made a New Age playlist.
Break it down, because real quick, I feel like the kids don't even talk about New Age anymore.
People might not even know. What is New Age music?
Well, I got really into New Age when I would scour vinyl, like used vinyl record stores and hit the dollar bin.
There'd always be like hundreds of old New Age records from the '70s and '80s,
and I would just buy them based on the covers.
A lot of it's not so hot, but every now and then you find a gem.
And I was actually surprised how much of this music was on Apple Music.
New Age and ambient are sort of like, sort of the same thing.
Ambient's just like cooler. There's just a different window dressing and different set of semantics around.
New Age is like hippie, spiritual. Metaphysical.
Ambient could be like Brian Eno. Minimalist.
Or like a bald German guy. Yeah. Just like. Making electronic music. Serious.
Yeah. But like a lot of times there's like some serious aesthetic crossover between ambient and New Age.
And I just thought like, especially living in California for most of my adult life,
New Age music is such a part of the culture of the state. Right.
And it was basically invented here mid '70s.
Is it defining factor of New Age music that there has to be some synths?
No, there's like George Winston and stuff is just piano. Yeah.
Which is not very good. You know, not so hot.
But the other stuff I like is like really warm Rhodes keyboard with like some like chill guitar or like some flutes.
Yeah. And a lot of the dudes were like fusion jazz guys.
They just got burned out. Yeah. And we're like, you know what?
I'm going to move to Palo Alto and like live in some apartment complex and start making
minimalist recordings in my apartment and start self-releasing.
And just like I want to make healing music for the mid '70s.
I want to make music that is not aggressive and frenetic.
I want to make music that helps people relax and heal. Right.
And sometimes it can be really hokey. It's kind of purposeful. Yeah. It's purposeful music.
It's very sincere in its effort to help.
And so that can lead to a lot of like pretty hokey stuff.
But when there is sort of an artistic vision behind it, I love it.
I love just throwing on like a great Stephen Halpern record.
Maybe pouring a little red wine, smoking a dude, whatever. Yeah.
Yeah. This is a slow burn. Yeah. So you immediately feel. Yeah.
Yeah. Mid '70s California. Maybe you're at some sort of vibey institute.
Maybe you're in a kind of hippie, post hippie, dippy private home.
Flutes and electric guitar over that.
This is a great playlist. Jake's New Age and Ambient playlist 1975 to 2017.
Because also this one really serves a purpose.
You could maybe you get home from school, get home from work.
You want to chill out, get in the bathtub, throw this bad boy on. Oh yeah.
Maybe late night you can't sleep. Listen to this.
Very vibey. This playlist is like 10 songs and it's like two hours.
So there's a couple like 25 minute. So is this all instrumental?
Yeah. There's no vocals on this whole playlist. Wow.
This is like early eighties Bay Area. This is a great playlist.
So everybody check it out. Jake's New Age and Ambient.
And check out Jake's previous playlist as well.
Access them via the Time Crisis page on Apple Music.
You got a great email the other day, Jake.
Oh yeah. It's from a guy named Andrew from Maryland.
Let's go to the Time Crisis mailbag.
I'll just start reading it or read a condensed version.
And he said, Dear Jake, a few episodes ago, you guys discussed the world's largest Starbucks in Shanghai.
I had the opportunity to visit the Starbucks and needless to say, it was quite an experience.
This is great. Got a man on the ground checking out the biggest Starbucks in the world in Shanghai.
So he's out there in film school in Hong Kong.
Wow, what a scene.
So Andrew checked out the Starbucks.
So we're going to share some pictures from Andrew on the Time Crisis Twitter, Time Crisis 2000,
so that people who listen to the program and have heard us discuss this can actually see what it looks like.
And it just looks like massive.
And he said there are a lot of like, they shipped in like, you know, Caucasian Americans to work there.
And they had all sorts of like different stations and stuff.
But also, he didn't just go to the world's largest Starbucks in Shanghai.
He also, because he's in film school in Hong Kong, checked out a new type of McDonald's that opened up in Hong Kong called McDonald's Next.
It's time for Corporate Food History.
Let's talk about it.
So clearly, Asia is the forefront of consumer experiences right now.
Just leaving the West in the dust.
God, it's so sad, but so fitting.
It's cool. We got to get over there, man.
I mean, that's kind of like the riff we had about why don't they open the largest Starbucks in Youngstown, Ohio.
And it's like, no, man, they're doing that in Shanghai.
America's played out, dog.
A lot's played out. America's played out. Fast food's played out in America.
I mean, clearly, it's still going on, but it's just not exciting.
But here's the thing.
America's boring.
Well, I think.
I hate it.
I think for Americans, even the Americans that hit fast food a lot, fast food is pretty demystified and not very exotic.
Right.
And I think American brands still carry some cachet over in Asia.
Right.
And so if you set up like a fancy McDonald's in like Manhattan, jaded Manhattanites are not going to be like, oh, yeah, let's check out that fancy McDonald's.
That's right, because Manhattan already has like thousands of fancy burger places that have already tried to colonize the non-McDonald's burger space.
Yeah. So that's not really going to hold water.
Yeah. Also, because, you know, capitalism likes infinite growth.
America is a mature, perhaps declining market, whereas China, more people entering the middle class every day.
It's exciting. New people with new money to spend.
That is sad. People in America are leaving the middle class.
People in China are joining it.
It's heavy. Anyway, let's see what Andrew had to say.
So he went to this McDonald's next in Hong Kong.
When you walk in, there's an employee at each entrance holding a balloon who greets you.
Hello. Welcome to McDonald's.
Customer service has declined in America.
You walk into McDonald's. You feel like you're an ass.
There are touch screen ordering kiosks where you can order typical McDonald's menu items or choose the create your taste option,
which allows you to customize your own salad or burger with ingredients like a brioche bun, truffle sauce, fried egg, guacamole, portabella mushrooms, feta cheese
and quinoa.
In America, if McDonald's started having all that stuff, we wouldn't even know what it was anymore.
McDonald's next, they have an opportunity to create a whole new world.
They're doing like five leaves.
Yeah.
Yeah, seriously.
Ace Hotel restaurant version.
I'll get a quarter pounder, but on a brioche bun with truffle sauce.
Let me get egg on top. Some fresh avocado.
And I actually want that to be a quinoa patty.
If you dine in, there's a table side service.
And if you sit at the table within a few minutes, the server will bring out your meal on a small wooden pizza peel with a moist towelette and silverware.
Silverware McDonald's. Wow.
As you enjoy your meal, you can listen to curated McDonald's playlist by scanning a QR code.
Wait, so you can have specialized playlists at your table?
Yeah, I don't know what that means.
Put earbuds in?
Yeah, are you just listening off your phone or?
I'd love to get a peek at those playlists.
Gotta do a co-branding.
Jake's New Age Playlist at McDonald's.
The strange thing about McDonald's next is how low key the rollout was.
A soft opening.
You know, maybe they'd realize like, you know, McDonald's next, the whole thing about McDonald's is you have it everywhere.
This is 2018. You got to play it cool now.
It opened in December 2015, but the media coverage on it was sparse.
Most people back in the States probably don't even know it exists.
BuzzFeed recently published a video called "I Tried the Fanciest McDonald's in the World" where a blogger dines at the McDonald's, but this was published just a few
weeks ago.
I'm thinking that it's the same reason why Starbucks is expanding here too.
That corporate chain capitalism has played out in the West. Yep. Boom.
And is now taking over in the East.
Living in China for more than a year, you notice a harsher side of capitalism where advertising is such an integral part of everyday life.
Where people value name brands almost religiously and where major public holidays have even become commercialized.
Anyway, I just wanted to bring the McDonald's next to your attention since I thought it might be of interest to you with the corporate food history segment on time
crisis.
I want to wish the crisis crew a happy Lunar New Year, the year of the dog.
Sincerely, Andrew from Maryland.
Shout out to you, Andrew. This is a great email.
So we'll also share in addition to Andrew's pictures of the biggest Starbucks in the world in Shanghai.
We're also going to share his pictures of the McDonald's next in Hong Kong.
You could plan a pretty fun Asia trip just hitting like special corporate food chains.
That would be strong.
I also think like that would be go to Japan and well, I mean Japan has it all.
I'm looking at a playlist that Nick brought over.
It's called the McDonald's tasty tunes playlist.
You voted for the songs which summed up your favorite McDonald's items.
So let's celebrate with a playlist of classic tunes all selected by you.
We got Return of the Mac.
Oh yeah, cause Big Mac.
We got Ice Ice Baby.
Ice cream.
Okay, that's a stretch.
Ice cream machine.
Wake me up before you go go.
That's a stretch.
A song called the best by Tina Turner.
Wait, is that you're simply the best?
We got Hungry like the wolf.
Okay, yeah, cause you're hungry when you go to McDonald's.
I don't believe that these are what people actually voted for.
They just threw that together and did a whole fake.
This is a classic here. We got Born in the USA.
Yeah, McDonald's was started in the United States of America.
Oh, we got a song by Muse called Feeling Good.
Oh man, this is even getting heavier.
One Love by Bob Marley.
Oh, a song off Nirvana's Bleach album called Big Cheese.
This is too funny man.
McDonald's playlist.
Also so harsh, Good Vibrations, Beach Boys.
I love the colorful clothes she wears.
Oh my God, man.
And the way the sunlight plays upon her hair.
I hear the sound of a gentle word.
On the wind that lifts her perfume through the air.
I'm picking up good vibrations.
She's giving me the excitations.
You're listening to Time Crisis on Beats 1.
Please don't be afraid.
There's someone watching over you.
Watching in the realm of sleep.
The play is acted out where no one wins.
All my intuition calls for you.
We're looking through her glass but the day will come.
When I see you face to face.
I see you as a picture hung in an abandoned room.
You fall back on the loving side.
Please let your love be known or it will die.
Aching with the pain of "I wish I had".
Such thing as fate there is no such thing as doom or suicide.
All I ever wanted to sit and talk to you.
Ride around in your car.
I'll be the passenger.
Take me from this suffocating day.
Take me from this world of living clay.
Alright Jake, so now it's time to get into the Lady Doritos Town Hall in earnest.
Time Crisis is the only place that's still talking about Lady Doritos.
Should we just do a brief reset on it?
You just explained to people what Lady Doritos are?
Yeah, I'm trying to remember what our conversation was like last time.
Two weeks ago.
Who knows?
But like, was it that Indra so and so, the CEO?
Yeah, she was the CEO of, she went on a podcast.
She was on Freakonomics.
And she talked about how their research showed them that women don't like to crunch loudly.
Right, right.
And they don't like the dust on the fingers.
So she was saying that they want to make a product that's for women.
And she didn't say some women.
She kind of backed into that point.
Well the guy was saying, "So are you actually going to make Doritos for women?"
And she said, "No."
But then the language she used still kind of got people upset.
And it created a very large conversation about Lady Doritos.
So it became this very controversial thing.
We got a great listener email.
And this was from a female perspective.
And she was saying, "I don't know if I think Lady Doritos are a problem.
Maybe they're just trying to make a product to serve women better."
But we know it's more complicated than that.
So on the last episode, we talked about the concept of Lady Doritos.
And we realized that here we are, two guys, two hyper-masculine individuals
talking about Lady Doritos and kind of trying to wrap our heads around it.
But we need some female perspectives on this.
So that's why we decided to make this episode the Lady Doritos Town Hall.
So we're just going to have some women call in
and just talk to them about Lady Doritos, male Doritos,
marketing, consumerism, sexism, those type of things.
This is a Lady Doritos Town Hall.
So the first person we're going to talk to is the Canadian artist,
now based in New York, Chloe Wise.
She's a great artist. I've been a fan of her work for a minute.
She specializes in sculpture, painting and drawing, collage, and digital art.
But a lot of her work deals with issues of food and gender.
Once she created a line of bread-based luxury handbags,
among them Bagel No. 5, a urethane bagel oozing with fake cream cheese
and attached to a real Chanel chain she bought from a thrift store.
The first physical work she ever showed in New York was called Star of Larry David,
a five-pointed star made of bacon.
So she's been dealing with issues of food and identity for a minute.
And here's an interesting quote from her on the themes of food and commercialism.
"Part of it is how women are dressed in the media.
Like you want to lose weight, you want to be healthy, you want to be the best you.
For men, it's like enjoy yourself. For women, it's like cut back, and it truly affects us."
One thing that Jake and I were starting to don on us in the last episode is that,
again, as men, there are issues.
We don't really know what it's like to be a female consumer.
We walk through this world as men marketed to primarily by other men.
So, you know, there's some perspectives that we can't possibly have.
So I think Chloe's going to be a great person to talk to.
So let's get her on the phone for our first female guest for Lady Doritos Town Hall.
Now let's go to the Time Crisis Hotline.
Hello, Chloe.
Hello.
Hey, how are you doing? You're on with Ezra and Jake. Welcome to Time Crisis.
Thanks for having me, guys.
Very excited to have you. I'm a big fan of your work.
Shout out to my friend, Mai Cantor, who first put me onto your work.
And you're obviously a major artist, but you're just so perfect for this episode,
which we're calling our Lady Doritos Town Hall.
It's more than that.
I guess we might as well start with that.
Did you follow the Lady Doritos controversy at all?
I did. A little begrudgingly.
I'm like, why are we talking about this and not more important issues?
But I also understand the whole society of spectacle that we are living within.
And I respect that that's sometimes what we need to do to get through these dark and weirdly hilarious times.
Oh, yeah. We can only talk about things via signifiers.
Like on our show, we literally only talk about 70s rock and snack foods.
Occasionally, I think we're talking about bigger things.
I think that snack food and at times 70s rock and roll, mostly snack food, do come to represent and signify most of the things that we're dealing with.
Almost anything can. At this point, it's like, can you imagine the board meeting?
You know, it's like if that's going down in corporate America, we should be talking about it.
The way we first started talking about it is we got an email from a female listener who was trying to look at it through this other side, saying maybe Doritos was trying to
do the women of the world a solid.
Like they actually looked at the data and they were like, you know what?
We're not serving women. We're making this male product.
It barely makes sense, but she was trying to look at it that way.
But when you first heard about this, did that cross your mind at all?
Were you like, yeah, you know what? I have felt alienated by Doritos as a woman.
No. And to be fair, if say she got all this research back that said we got a load of people out there who don't like dust on their fingers and who don't like a big crunch.
She could have just said, you know what? Our market research shows us that we're missing a huge opportunity to make a product that appeals to the the neat freaks.
Yeah. Or the more like hygienic fingertips consumer.
I think that might be a problem. I think a lot of people are feeling is that to equate the idea of being demure and clean and shy and in a, you know, like the kind of person is
not an impulsive snacker or who's not a finger licker or whatever.
That might be that fun loving idea of this Dorito consumer to say that those shy feelings are inherently female.
I think is what the problem is. She's not being inherently sexist.
She's perpetuating an inherently sexist set of standards that are set for women.
Right. Like to think that women naturally don't want to lick Doritos dust because like throughout the centuries of Doritos licking, it's been condemned for what
women should never do.
It's like that's not what happened. Women have been taught to be demure or taught to be ladylike.
The very meaning of ladylike is the thing that has to be deconstructed here.
It's the systemic idea that women should behave any certain way.
Right. But don't gender it.
Gender something is like a snack is so insane. Like, are you going to make female hot dogs?
Also, like if we're going to be doing anything for a female consumer, can it be like maybe safe and effective birth control or something in the nacho cheese dust?
Yeah. Like why? Or maybe if we're talking about like finger mess or like the need for a napkin, like why just add a little sanitary napkin in there and throw a pad also that
you are like appeasing all consumers.
And also, as you pointed out, it creates this idea of what's ladylike. And I think maybe we're getting at the heart of it.
Their research may have shown that there is this type of consumer. But again, when she equates it with women, like you said, that's reinforcing centuries, millennia
of ideas of what constitutes being ladylike.
Exactly. And I think at this point, we don't want to be quantified by those terms anymore.
I think, for example, if your market research had an option where you could check male or female and there was no other option to check, then you have placed binary onto
your market research audience or the people saying, actually, I don't want messy fingers.
Like you're only giving them the option of male or female. But in reality, at this point, we don't want to be necessarily identified like that.
But then on the flip side, you also got to think about the kind of toxic Doritos masculinity it creates, because it also is telling the quieter boys who don't like a lot of
dust on their fingers, the neat boy children.
You're also subtly telling them that they're eating Doritos like a girl or something.
Yes. Yes. Which is equated to fighting like a girl and is equating to anything feminine or female, that being a meeker, weaker, sort of subservient way of being where
it's like, no, how you snack shouldn't be gendered.
And actually, that's a really good point you made. You are reinforcing this maleness. I love that you said toxic Dorito masculinity.
But I think that food is a really great example of this. For example, I don't want to go off too hard because I could go about this forever.
But like when it comes to maleness and then toxic masculinity and how it interacts with eating and consumption and food choices, you have this idea that, for example,
meat is this virile kind of like strength inducing, bloody, masculine, alpha kind of thing to eat, whereas women should eat salad.
Then there was this whole movement about being vegan. Like men can be vegan, too. It's like, no, of course men can be vegan. And of course, women can eat meat.
Whatever you do is your choice. It's what you're eating. There's a whole thing about being a hegan. I mean, hegan. Oh, good God.
Then we get into the whole sexual politics of meat, which is this whole other thing, which just sort of, I think, is the basis of a lot of the issues that we have.
And I'll just get in brief. If anybody hasn't read the sexual politics of meat, it's like a 90s feminist text about whether or not veganism is a feminist issue.
I'm not a vegan. I'm not saying it is a feminist issue. I think it just raises some interesting points. And I think one of the main things that I find fascinating about it
is how language plays into the way that we make and construct identity, the way that we fit ourselves into the world, the way we consume.
Because I think consumption is a huge part of our identities. And so if you have all these advertising images and this language and this rhetoric surrounding the
consumption of meat as something that's masculine and it's, you know, manly to grill and get together in groups of boys, cheers your cold corona, shug it, crush it,
throw it into the ground, not recycle it, eat some more hot dogs while the women are, you know, dangerously eating salad, baking cookies, silently eating a chip with no
mess.
I mean, the idea of that reinforces these stereotypes, but it's also the language used to sell those things that reinforces the stereotypes, too. And that same
language that allows men to eat meat in this masculine way allows all people to eat meat in this way because it makes meat into an object instead of like a subject. And so
it removes the subject of the animal that was once there.
Well, I wonder, do you hear me when you sleep? I hoarsely cry.
Well, I wonder, do you see me when we pass? I have died.
Please keep me in mind. Please keep me in mind.
Gasping but somehow still alive. This is the fierce last stand of all I am.
Gasping, dying, but somehow still alive. This is the final stand of all I am.
Please keep me in mind.
We also, in our last episode, we're going pretty deep on a certain infamous product, which has recently rebranded itself. And we were talking about this is a product
that often in its advertising has been gendered. And at this point, we don't even know what to make of it anymore. And I'm just curious what your take is on this product
and how you see it fitting in to these structures. And the product we're talking about is Diet Coke.
I guess Diet Coke has this image attached to it of the diet and that whole image, like, you know, that theme of women eating salad.
Yeah, and like the woman who works in fashion chugging Diet Cokes. It's been presented as like kind of a female leaning drink.
Right, that's why they have the Coke Zero.
Right, Coke Zero is kind of like this was actually their attempt, perhaps, at a more neutral drink. But just what's your take on Diet Coke? Do you drink it? Do you respect
it? We find these days a lot of people are scared of it.
I today had a beautiful Mexican full fat Coke on the beach.
In a glass bottle?
In a glass bottle. And I respected it. And I think as we become more woke about the things that we're eating, you realize that the term diet, when it's attached to a
consumer product like that, just means aspartame.
And we're like, wait, hold on. We have obesity rates in America that are like skyrocketing. And it's like people are drinking sugar soda or diet soda just instead of
eating normal food.
And like that's what leads to obesity, obviously, the sugar, whether you take it out or not, replace it with aspartame.
It's like it's just part of a larger whole of this way of eating things that are not real clean food.
And so it's like, yeah, I'm scared of it. I'm scared of all these like, if you look at the factory for any of these things are being produced, you'd be freaked out.
It's such an industrial like situation. And I'm so obsessed with how advertising can try to find a way to imbue these items with some sort of natural imagery.
You know how like there's Coke. I think it's in Europe. It's like with the green one.
Yeah, the green Coke. It's like, oh, so it's like an environment.
Like everything that's on the label is somehow supposed to represent the person that's drinking it.
Like you buy something that you bought into this and this is who you are.
And so if I'm drinking Diet Coke, I'm a lady because I'm trying to care about my weight.
Like I probably just better off drinking the one full fat Coke once every few weeks instead of like relying on Diet Coke as a hunger suppressant or whatever it's being.
Drink a two liter of real Coke on your cheat day.
Yeah, exactly.
You'd probably be healthier.
This is a Lady Doritos town hall.
Maybe they're going to realize you kind of missed the point with this attempt at appeasing women or whatever consumer you're missing out on.
And maybe they're going to realize that consumer actually wants something that's a little more sustainable or ethical or a little more thought through or considered.
Maybe we are going to get somewhere from this.
Yeah, it's the positive side of when like a big CEO or something f**ks up.
Totally.
Well, thank you so much for calling in, Chloe. We hope you'll do it again.
You're right on the money with the topics of this show. We really appreciate you for educating us.
Call me anytime. Maybe I should be a usual caller. Maybe I can just call in and interrupt if I know it.
Oh, yeah. We're always looking for new members of the TC family.
Great.
And thanks for taking time out of your vacation. So enjoy Mexico and we'll talk to you soon.
No problem. Talk to you soon. Bye.
Bye.
That was a great call. Chloe fits right in, I think, with the time crisis vibe.
Yeah.
It was interesting what she was saying about the way meat is gendered.
I don't really know much about food prep, period, but I am aware, just as a person,
that there is this classic thing, like she was saying, of like, meat is considered masculine.
And even cooking, there is this thing that like the dad is in charge of the meat.
Right.
But Jake, you actually know how to cook. You're not just manning the grill.
You'll cook a less gendered meal.
I make a great salad.
Okay.
I make a great kale Caesar. I love running the grill, too. That's fun.
Well, do you feel more in your element when you're manning the grill?
No.
Yeah, even the language, "manning the grill."
Manning the grill.
[Laughter]
Let's say Artforum wants to put you on the cover.
Okay.
You get an email from Artforum.
I like where you're going.
You get an email from Artforum. "Jake, we want to put you on the cover, but here's the thing.
It's for our annual food issue."
It's not for your paintings. It's actually for your co-hosting work on time crisis.
You're on the cover of Radio Host Digest.
No. You're on the cover of Artforum, but they say, "This is a food issue.
In this issue, we're photographing artists at home cooking."
And they say to you, "So think about something you like to make.
We've heard that you are both adept at manning the grill, cooking up a good steak,
and making a kale Caesar in the kitchen.
You have to choose, Jake.
You, as a straight, white, American male, you're about to present yourself to the entire art world."
I got to go kale Caesar on this.
You're going kale Caesar.
I got to go kale Caesar.
You don't feel emasculated.
It's over the top to do, like, standing by a grill.
Interesting.
What am I, Joe Rogan?
[laughter]
Over the top.
George Foreman.
[laughter]
But, you know, someone making, like, the dressing for a kale Caesar is not inherently dramatic
the way standing there over a grill is with a spatula.
Yeah.
But you recognize the extent to which that's just, like, some kind of played-out male cliche.
Yeah.
You're listening to Time Crisis on Beast1.
I feel like, you know, as Chloe pointed out, all these things are signifiers,
and we're taught to look at things through a gendered lens and associate these things in these funny ways.
So I can't even tell anymore.
So some part of me is like, did I grow up being more interested in, like, sushi?
To me, if somebody's going to take me out for a nice dinner--
Yeah.
--I'm going to use that opportunity on sushi, not steak.
If I came to a town and somebody was like, "You want to go to the best steakhouse in town?"
Or the best sushi.
Yeah, you go sushi every time.
But now I'm wondering, like, is that just because the hyper-masculinity of steak culture alienated me
because I knew I could never live up to it?
So I was like, "Mm, sushi seems more of, like, a kind vibe or something."
Even though it's really not.
Yeah.
Both are detrimental to the health of the planet in different ways.
You know what?
I mean, we should be vegans.
Let's just be straight up.
Yeah, actually, I kind of wanted to ask her that.
I mean, Chloe was pretty much--
She said she's not a vegan, but it sounds like she kind of deep down believes that's the righteous path.
I mean, I agree with her.
It's hard to execute, you know?
We've got to do at least, like, a vegan month.
We've got to do, like, a time crisis vegan month.
Ooh, I like that idea.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, wow.
McDonald's up on it.
McDonald's just dropped a vegan burger in Sweden and Finland.
Colin's telling us, so--
Again, this fast food innovation outside the states.
Yeah.
Imagine if Trump came out and was just like, "I'm hearing all this fast food innovation.
It's not happening in the United States.
I want to make America great again.
McDonald's?"
You know where the biggest Starbucks in the world is?
It's in China.
China.
McDonald's next is in Hong Kong.
I want a big, beautiful McDonald's next.
Folks, they're killing us.
McDonald's is abandoning us.
And now I'm hearing about this vegan burger in Finland.
Well, of course Finland has a vegan burger.
Rough stuff.
Well, let's go on to our next female caller.
Related to Rita's town hall.
This is an old school friend of the show, Rashida Jones.
Season one friend.
Going way back.
This is a Lady Doritos town hall.
[Phone ringing]
Hi guys.
Hi Rashida.
As you know, we're very honored to have you back on the program.
Especially for this very special episode, which is our Lady Doritos town hall.
Yeah, they've been talking about this in the streets.
You saw a ton of news about it for the first day or so.
But now, three, four weeks later, you don't hear a lot of people talking about Lady Doritos.
But we're not dropping the issue here on Time Crisis.
So, I guess the first question is, what did you make of the whole Lady Doritos hubbub?
You know, I think we would be naive to think that any product isn't working hard to find their target consumer.
And that would mean that there's a lot of ageism and racism and classism and sexism that goes to decision making.
That being said, I would be appreciative of a Dorito that had less residue.
Not necessarily because I'm a woman.
Just because it's too orange.
Would you eat more Doritos if there was one that didn't rub off on your fingers?
Even if it weren't orange.
Yeah, I know that that's an attractive color.
But I think if they...
It's totally a fake color anyway.
It's a fake color.
Well, what color would you want on your fingers?
I would want white.
I would want something neutral.
Something that's not embarrassing.
If I'm trying to get my Doritos on before I walk in somewhere, I don't want to feel like people can call me out.
Because of what's on my hand.
Or, put a wet wipe in there.
Be considerate.
Cost prohibitive.
Yeah.
That's probably true.
I do take offense at things being targeted towards ladies.
I think my gripe with the orange dust has nothing to do with my gender.
We were just talking about how a lot of men probably don't like having dust on their fingers.
But they're too scared to say it because they're scared of being seen as less manly.
Because real men in America, their fingers are just covered in Cheeto dust, Dorito dust, things of that nature.
That's how you know you're dealing with a real man.
Whiskey River, take my mind.
Don't let her memory torture me.
Whiskey River, don't run dry.
You're all I got, take care of me.
Whiskey River, take my mind.
Don't let her memory torture me.
Whiskey River, don't run dry.
You're all I got, take care of me.
So, Rashida, you've lived your whole life as a woman.
And actually, you're the person who kind of familiarized me with the concept of pink tax.
Yeah.
Which is an important issue when we're talking about women and consumer products.
What is pink tax and how has that affected you in your life?
You know, I think pink tax is bullsh*t.
And it's companies taking advantage of the fact that they know women will pay more for things because women are better consumers than men.
And instead of us being rewarded for that by getting discounts, we get punished by paying lots more than men.
I mean, for instance, I was just looking at a pair of pajamas.
The exact same pajamas, cotton striped pajamas, were I think $40 more for women.
This is the same brand.
Yeah.
Not cool.
$40?
Not cool because they know $40.
Yeah.
They know we'll pay it.
And also we want them to fit us and I'm short, so I can't feel like I can like size down into men's size, you know.
What about boys' size?
Boys is somewhere I go often actually, like to get my sneakers, to get clothes because that doesn't have a pink tax and it's way cheaper.
You have to know if you're like a husky or like 14.
You have to know your sizes pretty well because there's not a lot of, you know.
What are some other classic pink tax products?
Razors, that one comes up a lot.
I mean feminine hygiene doesn't really count because men don't have to deal with that stuff.
But like to me, like all feminine hygiene should just be free.
It's like crazy to me.
It should be in every public bathroom because what woman doesn't have to deal with that?
But yeah, razors is one.
I think all kinds of beauty products like lotions, shampoos, like things that are marketed towards women are generally going to be more expensive.
Certainly fashion and clothes.
We know for a fact that that's true.
Speaking of makeup, I was asking you the other day about your experience, you know, being a woman in marketing.
And were there products in your life that you remember being specifically marketed towards you?
And you mentioned a form of makeup.
Yeah, when I was I think about 12 or 13 and I just started wearing makeup.
Wet n Wild was kind of like the brand du jour.
It's like a lot of frosty lipsticks and stuff.
I guess it was like the late 80s on the heels of the crystal phase.
Crystal Pepsi was out.
Everything was kind of clear for a minute.
And I just remembered that clear mascara came out, which is like now looking back, kind of the dumbest thing ever.
It's just a tube of clear gel with a brush.
But I had to have it.
I thought it was the coolest thing ever.
And it was a way to wear makeup without looking like you wear makeup.
I was already such a huge Crystal Pepsi fan that I felt like it was for me.
I was really, really probably haven't been as excited since.
Why do you think you were so interested in the crystal lifestyle?
You know, I think there's something really clean about anything transparent.
There's a magic that you have to like project onto it to feel like, oh, it's working.
It's like an eight ball or like a star.
It's shiny and it's glossy.
And you just like makes you feel like there's something special going on instead of like painting lacquer on your eyelashes or drinking brown soda.
That's not for special people, you know?
What happened with crystal mascara? Can you still get it?
I wish it was called crystal mascara.
I don't know. I feel like now it's just remarketed as brow gel because now brows are the thing.
So now you like there's all this stuff about shaping and.
Jake, you familiar with brow gel?
No. Yeah. You saw my interest get peaked there.
Yeah.
Never heard the term brow gel.
This is a Lady Doritos Town Hall.
It's funny to think about how many innovations and new products are really just taking old products and just figuring out a way to sell it twice, three times or
something.
So if there used to be these all purpose gels that you could use in your hair or any part of your body, but they probably would have used it on the eyebrows.
But now if you could buy something that's specifically made for your eyebrows, you feel weird just slathering hair stuff on your eyebrows.
Right. Exactly. And there's a lot of products now too that do that where it's like for lips and eyes or like, you know, a big thing for girls is like a cheek stain.
And there's like a lip, cheek and eye stain.
So like it's an all in one.
So like when you go out, you kind of like put a little on your cheeks, a little on your lips, maybe a little bit on the bridge of your nose, maybe like the brow bone and then
you're good.
So many terms, brow bone.
[Laughter]
I wonder what the next frontier is.
Like some sort of nostril cream or something.
The question is what's the next beauty fad?
Yeah.
Because that will determine what's the next thing that they can like get us to spend money on.
No, but I was talking before about more men wearing makeup.
I really think that the, and I think they've already figured this out, but men are like the China.
Oh, wow.
As China is to Starbucks, men are to the beauty industry.
Wow.
And also we've been watching the new Queer Eye on Netflix.
Oh, nice.
Which we highly recommend.
But as we were watching that show, every guy, I'm sure you remember the original Queer Eye series.
Yeah.
Each one of the Fab Five, who is the group of gay men who help the straight men, they each have a specialty.
Whether it's clothes or culture or whatever.
And one guy is kind of grooming.
And he'll always give these guys a haircut and shave up their beard and stuff.
But often he also gives them some specific products that they nine times out of ten were unfamiliar with.
Where he's like, you know, you could use this to take some of the redness out of your face.
You could use this special moisturizer, blah, blah, blah.
And it makes you think about the fact that like a lot of guys who probably would if they could change a little something about their appearance are just so unfamiliar.
Because more and more of these things get marketed towards men to kind of make people feel comfortable.
I mean, that's a trillion dollar industry.
That is an untapped continent.
And if little by little you can get men, convince them to buy some like grizzly steak foundation.
If you pull it off, you just doubled your revenues for the year.
It's already happening.
I mean, think about how many more grooming products there are for men than there have ever been.
You know, I mean, there's things that are marketed like that.
The stuff for rosacea is marketed for men.
Like there's men have things that are just like, you know, moisturizer to take away their shine.
Like that moisturizer, like cover it for guys so they don't feel like it's for the women.
My prediction is maybe the next thing is there's going to be blue tacks and there will be like an outrage about blue tack.
When men start wanting the traditionally female products, maybe we'll get a taste.
They'll be like, OK, all right, fellas, I see a lot of you out there wanting to wear a little more lipstick.
Well, guess what? That's going to run you about a $21.99.
Right.
Maybe.
We'll see.
Jake, we should start a men's lipstick company.
Drop top Porsche, Porsche, Rollie on my wrist, Diamonds up and down my chain.
Cardi B, straight stunning, can't tell me nothing, ball stuff and I change the game.
You see me? It's my big bronze boogie, got all them girls shook.
My big fat ass got all them boys cooked.
I run from dollar bills and I be popping rubber bands.
Bruno Sings tell me while I do my money dance like, hey.
Flexing on the ground like, hey.
Hit that Lil Jon, OK, OK.
Oh yeah, we dripping in finesse and getting paid.
If a lot of women want to use the kind of patriarchal system to their advantage, they can start like making men feel insecure about what used to be gender neutral
products.
So it's like, yeah, you used to just like use regular toilet paper.
Well, no, Brani was paper towels.
How hilarious is that? Is that there was like men's paper towels?
Totally.
He had that thick flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
Yeah.
Right.
Just imagine you're like a dude at the supermarket in like 1985.
There's not that much selection, but you're just standing there and you just see bounty with like the green logo and then just like Brani, roughly the same price.
And you're just like, oh, yeah, that's just like one step from the Marlboro man.
Do you think that those products like Brani and Mr. Clean were created specifically to when men were sent out to the store to buy stuff that they felt more comfortable
buying those products?
I'm so confused because I don't remember all the iterations because the latest, for instance, he said, Mr.
Clean, the latest ad campaigns for Mr.
Clean have been actually that Mr.
Clean is going to have sex with your wife.
You know, there's all those weird commercials where Mr.
Clean kind of comes out and he's like this like 3D computer animated dude and he's like dancing with the wife and she's like, oh, my God, I met a real man for once.
So it almost seems like Mr.
Clean was like marketed towards like the lonely housewife.
That's like, OK, but well, that's how it is now.
I think Brani is the same way.
It's like the cover of like a romance novel.
Right.
Maybe they felt like they're killing two birds with one stone.
It's like aspirational for the in a heterosexual couple, for the husband and the wife.
It's literally women want him, men want to be him.
I would do anything to be in that marketing meeting.
I want to know so bad now.
Actually, maybe for the next step.
So we got to look because we know that the new thing with Mr.
Clean is that he has sex with your wife.
I wonder what's up with Brani, man.
The Mr.
Clean is so funny.
It's like he's he's doing like the rumbo with the wife and she's like, oh, my God.
And then I really think there's one where like the husband pops his head and he's like,
what's up?
Yeah, I've seen that.
Maybe the Brani guy is like a squatter.
He's just like hanging out at your house and drinking your beer, watching your TV.
He's your old college friend that stopped by, hung out for a long weekend.
Yeah, never left.
Brani is marketed towards like lonely dudes.
It's like you're spending a lot of time at home, at least when you spill some chili
and you open the closet, you see an old friend, you see an old friend looking back at you.
You haven't left the house in about eight days.
You've been postmating chili.
But you know what?
When you drop it on your sweatpants, at least you have one brief moment of human interaction
with me, the Brani man.
Everybody's gone away.
Said they're moving to L.A.
There's not a soul I know around.
Everybody's leaving town.
Some caught a freight, some caught a plane.
Find the sunshine, leave the rain.
They said this town will waste your time.
I guess the ride is wasted mine.
Some got to win, some got to lose.
Good time Charlie's got the blues.
Good time Charlie's got the blues.
All right, well, Rashida, thanks so much for calling into our L.A.
Dorito Town Hall.
Great conversation.
We'll talk to you soon.
Great to talk to you guys.
Thanks for having me, as always.
Okay, bye.
Bye.
Faith lets you fall into a house without a roof.
And only the size of your breath to hurt.
I'm not one to go to church.
But you made me believe in something more than hurt.
I feel like I don't have the words.
I feel like I don't have the words.
Because I can't speak.
Am I so naive?
I feel like I don't have the words.
Because I can't speak.
Of these words I've tried to recite.
They are close but not quite.
Of these words I've tried to recite.
They are close but not quite.
I'm so misunderstood.
I'm so misunderstood.
I don't know what to believe in.
I guess your eyes said enough.
Oh, these words.
No, they can't express pain.
It's like my life and there's no words that I've learned.
Oh, and these are just words.
And they can't express pain.
These are just words.
Oh, words can't express the pain, the pain in my soul.
Speak the unspoken.
A monster got woken up and now, now I'm in his paw.
Of these words I've tried to recite.
They are close but not quite.
Almost impossible to do.
Reciting the makings of you.
Let's keep the lady town hall.
Lady Dorito.
So.
Lady Dorito, children at your feet.
So the next person I'm going to talk to in the Lady Dorito town hall.
Yeah.
Is, well, actually I don't like introducing her as your wife.
That feels kind of like wrong in the spirit of Lady Dorito town hall.
How about American filmmaker.
Exactly.
Hannah Fidel.
Asterisk, just because it's on this show.
Yep.
Jake is her husband.
Yep.
But first and foremost, Hannah's an excellent filmmaker.
We talked a little bit about her next movie coming out, Long Dumb Road, Jason Manzoukas.
Coming out later 2018.
Sick.
Already got a couple films under her belt.
A Teacher.
A Teacher and Six Years, both on Netflix.
Oh, they're both on Netflix now.
Yeah.
So fans of the show who are interested in Hannah's films, A Teacher and Six Years.
Both great movies.
Tight 90 minute dramas.
Streamlined.
Yep.
I'm backing on movies because there's so much TV and it's like, I don't know if I can dive
in for eight hours of this new show.
And I'm like, oh, a movie.
It's 90 minutes.
Boom.
Love it.
Movies.
2018.
I'm back.
Okay.
All right.
So let's get American filmmaker, Hannah Fidel on the phone.
This is a Lady Doritos Town Hall.
Hi.
How's it going?
Good.
I was just saying that I memorized your phone number finally.
Finally.
I was like, I made the conscious effort.
Wait, Hannah, do you have Jake's phone number memorized?
Absolutely not.
Ooh.
I gotta work on that.
Yeah.
God forbid your phone ever falls into the sewer.
I know.
I know.
I've been meaning to.
Hannah, welcome to the Lady Doritos Town Hall.
Honored to have you on the program.
Glad to be here.
At this point in the show, I feel like maybe we've talked about Lady Doritos enough.
For like 45 minutes.
Just real quick.
Hannah, do you eat Doritos?
I had Doritos today.
Oh, really?
What was the situation?
Did you see the face Jake was making?
He was like on the edge of his seat.
Just like, really?
Babe, you didn't tell me about this.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I knew we were going to be talking about it.
I saw them sitting on the crafty table on set.
Took a bag, snacked on them.
Oh, single serving.
Pretty good.
Yeah.
For some reason, I was picturing the craft service table on this TV show set just being
like a big bowl, like at a party.
No, no.
You don't want other people's grubby hands all over your Doritos.
That's not hygienic.
So, did it cross your mind, the residue, the crunching?
Did any of that make you feel self-conscious or dare we say unladylike?
I proudly ate the Doritos as loudly as I possibly could.
In protest.
Well, so, Hannah, as a director, you work in a pretty male-dominated industry.
Yeah.
The disparity in terms of directors, male-female, it's bananas, right?
Yeah, it's insane.
So, probably when you're directing a movie, TV show, or something, is it possible that
there's people on the crew who have never had a female director before?
Oh, yeah.
Probably the majority of people.
So, do you have to go in there just really crunching on Doritos just to show up?
Prove my worth?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm just genuinely curious because I don't have it off the top of my head, but somebody
showed me the numbers.
Because obviously when you think about acting, we hear about wage disparity sometimes, but
there's a lot of male and female actors, but you don't think that much about it.
But the numbers were so crazy in terms of it's not like, ooh, 60/40.
It's more like 95/5 or something.
So, I'm just curious, just while we have you, because it's such an important issue, how
do you think that issue gets solved?
I think shows have to be required to hire a certain number of minority directors.
Sort of like affirmative action in a way.
A lot of people forget that TV shows, they have a different director every episode often.
Right.
So, there's a lot of work to go around in TV directing.
Yeah, which I'm just now dipping my toe into.
So, you're literally, we're on set of a TV show today?
Yeah.
Can you tell us about it?
Is it a secret?
Not a secret.
It's a show called Casual.
So, I'm Hulu.
Great show.
I think of the five directors, three of them are women this season.
Oh, wow.
So, they're taking it seriously over there at Casual.
Yes, big time.
That's good to know.
So, anybody who actually cares about, like for real cares about, you know, gender equity
in an industry, Casual.
Casual, Casual Patel.
I love that.
I've been weeping for a week for the one I love.
I've got time on my hands, let the record show.
I've been looking for the one to electrify.
I've got you in my arms, let's agree not to fight.
Agree not to fight.
I've been smiling for a week for the one I love.
I've got time on my hands, let the record show.
I've been waiting for the one to electrify.
I've got you in my arms, let's agree not to fight.
I've been waiting for the one to electrify.
I've got you in my arms, let's agree not to fight.
I've been waiting for the one to electrify.
I've been waiting for the one to electrify.
So Hannah, on a lighter note, does anything come to mind when you think about living your
life as an American woman and your experience with products marketed towards you, sold to
you?
Do you have any feelings about that?
Anything come to mind?
Yeah, I think a lot about tampons.
How much do like decent tampons cost?
Great question.
I don't know.
Do you know, Jake?
Well, you don't know, you just like, you just buy them.
You're not looking at the tag.
No.
You're just like, I need these.
Yeah.
Um, do I know?
I don't know.
I think it's like $20 for a box, but how many are in a box?
I mean, $16.99 for the box.
You're dropping like $16.99 a month?
By the way, this is my favorite conversation.
I bet you're maybe dropping $30 a month.
Oh wait, maybe it's less than that.
Nick's showing me.
No, no, no, it's definitely less.
Maybe it's more like $8 a month.
Well, but, yeah.
But sorry, Hannah.
Tampons, maybe like $16.
We veered off a little bit.
So you were saying that you think about tampons as being like, that's this consumer product
marketed towards women, obviously.
That's loomed large in your life.
You have some feelings about it?
Yeah, but there's never like, there's always visual metaphor in your blood.
In the commercials?
Yeah.
Which is pretty lame to me.
Can you think of any of the metaphors?
It's always like Kool-Aid.
I'm just picturing that Kool-Aid man, like, busting through a brick wall.
It's kind of what having your period is like.
Well, Hannah, you don't like the fact that they disguise it in the ads by showing this
like fake Kool-Aid liquid.
Exactly.
Is it too harsh?
Or would we just eventually get used to it if in these feminine hygiene commercials, when
they were like just showing how one's more absorbent than the other, they did just pour
a blood looking kind of liquid on it?
Yeah, absolutely.
Why should we sugarcoat that?
And you just watch like the cheap one fall apart as it's covered in blood.
Yeah, because I guess the truth is, at first you might be like, people would just get used
to it, wouldn't they?
Yeah, totally.
Just that scene in The Shining with the elevator doors opening up.
Just goes super over the top.
That's the tampon commercial I want to watch.
Yo, wait, that's the one you'll direct, right?
Brainstorm, yeah.
Yeah.
You're director.
Commercials need directors.
Hey, Madison Avenue, we got an idea for you.
Let's do a riff on The Shining.
Couldn't you totally picture this?
It's like Refinery29 and Tampax team up with five up and coming American female filmmakers
to each make a short film/commercial that shows what a real...
Real women, real period.
Yeah, how real women describe their period.
And yeah, they get a kind of art school person who makes this really dark, shining one.
And then they get somebody else who does kind of like a satirical one.
They're up on YouTube and I don't know, it's a contest.
That sounds kind of real.
I want them to do this.
It would be so awesome.
Jake, do we know anybody at Tampax?
Wait, is this...
Just checking my Rolodex over here.
I feel like we should get someone from Tampax on the next episode and pitch this.
Who owns Tampax?
Is it like Procter & Gamble or something?
Yeah, something.
It's part of the Procter & Gamble family.
Also how hilarious would that be if me and Jake just hit them up and be like, "Hey guys,
free idea."
Time Crisis is a media platform, so we hire just five creative women.
They could be film directors like you or somebody from music.
We get Carrie Brownstein.
No, but we could do it on Time Crisis.
It could be audio.
Hell yeah.
We could do a trial run where everybody makes a 30 second radio spot.
Ooh.
For Tampax.
Like an old time radio play.
Yeah, old time radio play.
So maybe we'll hit them up and set up Tampax and be like, "We're Time Crisis.
We're trying to do a better job supporting female creatives.
Will you kick us maybe 250 grand to do?"
Something low key like that.
Yeah, we'll give each woman 50 grand.
I like this.
To produce a 45 second radio spot.
Then we'll air them and have-
The competition.
Have the listeners vote.
Have the listeners vote.
Then we'll crown the winner at a VIP dinner at Chateau Marmont.
Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl.
Tonight show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo.
The luster cream brings you Kay Dumas magic formula blend of secret ingredients plus gentle
lanolin.
Gives loveliness lather even in hardest water.
Glamorizes your hair as you wash it.
Luster cream, not a soap, not a liquid, but a dainty cream shampoo.
Leaves hair fragrantly clean, free of loose dandruff, glistening with sheen.
Soft, manageable.
Gives new beauty to all hairdos or permanents.
Four ounce jar, $1.
Jar sizes either tubes or jars.
Tonight try luster cream shampoo and be a-
Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl.
You owe your crowning glory to a luster cream shampoo.
This could be fun, but it is kind of crazy like that women aren't more involved in the
marketing and selling of products to women.
Absolutely.
Because like in the fashion world, the fashion world is one of the few places where almost
all the magazine editors are female.
There's a lot of very powerful women and in some ways people explain that by being, well,
you know, of course fashion's a female industry.
They're selling clothes to women.
So of course there's women, but there's a lot of other places where products are sold
to women where women are less prominent.
Yeah, absolutely.
Let's follow through with this.
Time crisis ex-Tampax.
All right, so we got to, everybody got to go through their Rolodexes and see if we have
a contact at Tampax.
Maybe we start like a scholarship fund or something.
Let's throw it out on Twitter.
I mean, anyone listening.
Guys, I'm in.
Whatever you need.
Yeah, okay.
Either you'll be making it or you might have to be a mentor to one of like the young students
that we, it just depends what form this takes.
Sure, whatever, whatever you guys want.
Well thanks so much for calling in Hannah and participating in Lady Doritos Town Hall.
Glad I could help.
All right, talk to you soon.
All right, bye guys.
Bye.
That was very interesting, Jake.
Talking to Hannah Fiedel, American filmmaker.
Some great calls today.
We had some great calls.
Clearly, we've been f***ing up by not having more Lady Doritos Town Hall.
I guess this is the obvious kind of s***, but it's like, imagine if you had to buy
makeup and Tampax every month and more expensive pajamas.
You might have to start cutting out some other things in your household budget.
Maybe that Kale Caesar gets downgraded to Iceberg Caesar.
I don't like that.
Maybe a few less Modellos in the fridge.
Uh-oh.
[laughter]
Privilege is a word that gets thrown around a lot, and it's a very real concept,
but on a very basic level.
This is one of those very cut and dry things where we as men,
who don't particularly wear a lot of makeup.
I wear makeup every now and then.
I was going to ask you this, actually.
I never apply it to myself, but of course--
Like for a TV event.
A TV event?
Hell yeah, they put makeup on you.
You're listening to...
Time Crisis on Beat One.
♪ You're sitting across the table so quietly ♪
♪ And I've never been so lonely ♪
♪ I soaked up the tablecloth without tears ♪
♪ 'Cause darling, you left me ♪
♪ Oh, this is my feeling ♪
♪ When I'm alone with you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Can I ever sit strong on the tablecloth? ♪
♪ No, no, no, no ♪
So this has been very elucidating, Jake and I learning more about our privilege
and things that we're blind to as men,
walking through just a regular Doritos world,
just luxuriating in our toxic Doritos masculinity.
So thank you to Chloe Wise, Rashida Jones, and Hannah Fidel for calling in.
We do have one more surprise caller.
This one's pretty exciting.
Now the Lady Dorito Town Hall is over.
Let's get a guy on the phone.
Let's get a guy on the phone.
So this is pretty exciting.
I think our fans, some of them, are going to appreciate it
because this is something either you're obsessed with
or you don't even know what it is.
I'm talking about HQ.
I just learned about this because we got an email about it.
Oh, the Time Crisis got an email about HQ?
Yeah, or maybe a tweet or something.
I was fully in the dark, but someone in our audience clued me in.
So it's an app. It's a live trivia game.
You get about a million or so people playing.
If you can answer 12 questions in a row correctly, you win some money.
And it's always got a host, and the main host is this guy, Scott Rogowski,
aka Quiz Khalifa, a bunch of other things.
He said he was going to call into the show,
so we get a little bonus addendum to the Lady Dorito Town Hall.
We got Scott Rogowski from HQ calling in.
Now let's go to the Time Crisis Hotline.
Hey, Scott, how are you doing?
How are you doing?
What's up, man? You're on with me, Ezra, and Jake.
Welcome to Time Crisis.
I'm on?
Oh, yeah, you're on.
Can I just say off the bat, full disclosure,
I do give a [bleep] about Oxford Commerce.
I mean, I would expect nothing less from the Quizmaster.
So I just want to get that out there.
I don't give a [bleep]
But now that that's out there, we can continue.
Okay, I appreciate you being candid.
So you're the host of HQ.
The live trivia game, so you play on your phone,
where you answer questions to win cash.
I ask 12 questions, you have 10 seconds to answer each one.
If you get them all right, and you get to the end of the quiz,
you win or split our cash prize.
It's usually $2,500, but we do go up to $20,000 or $25,000.
One question that I had, and so Jake plays in Richard Pictures,
one of LA's top Grateful Dead cover bands,
and we talk about the dead a lot on the show.
For real?
Yes.
I do, it's true.
Low Key, this show is basically about the Grateful Dead
and Doritos at this point.
Oh, my God.
So I noticed when I started playing HQ,
every once in a while, you would drop
just a Grateful Dead lyrical reference.
And once maybe I heard you do like a touch of gray
or something kind of obvious like that,
but there was one--so Jake, just so you understand.
So he's like riffing up there, and he'd be like,
"All right," and then, you know.
The answer is tiramisu made with lady fingers.
Lady fingers.
Dipped in moonlight.
I seem to remember one where you dropped into Roe, Jimmy, Roe.
Oh, nice.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
And so I feel like for--obviously for the deadheads playing HQ,
that's very meaningful, but for you, you drop a lot of kind of like
very of the moment references.
You call yourself Quiz Khalifa, things like that.
But the dead ones, I think that's going over a lot of people's heads.
So, I mean, is it safe to assume that you're a deadhead?
It is safe to assume, yeah.
Safe to assume that.
We can assume that safely.
You know, now that I think about it,
the drummer in your band there is Big Fishhead.
That's right.
Major Fishhead.
And are you a fishhead as well?
I am a head as well.
So before HQ, before you became Mr. Technology,
zooming into millions of people's phones from God knows where,
you were more of a crunchy bro.
No, no, no, no. Let's get it straight.
Yeah, let's get it straight.
I never got crunchy.
In fact, I sort of despised that whole element of the scene.
I was into it.
I was into it big in high school, and then, you know, I sort of lost the thread.
But in the last few years, I got back into it,
and The Baker's Dozen was so fun.
And, you know, to me, I was like, "I'll go to one show a year."
Like that was sort of where I came to.
What about, Scott, were you ever into Twiddle?
No, and, you know, I don't want to hear about Twiddle.
So you're familiar with Twiddle.
I'm familiar with Twiddle.
My buddy lives in LA. He's huge into the scene.
And he's like, "These guys are just bogus."
So I sort of trust his taste on it.
I mean, all these bands are like fish knockoffs, right?
Like what's the point? Fish are still around. They're still amazing.
Why would you see anybody-- I can understand seeing--
and I've talked about this before, and it's a little controversial,
but, like, I'm not so into these later incarnations of the dead.
I mean, Phil, God bless him, he's 75 years old now.
I don't think Phil's the problem, buddy.
No, but that's my point.
You know, the tempo is different. The energy's not there.
And you can't blame the guy. They're 70.
So I'd rather see Darkstar. I'd rather see Richard's Pictures.
Like, give me the dead cover band.
Come out to LA, man. Check out Richard's Pictures.
Formerly known as Dick Pics. They had to change their name.
Oh, that's brilliant.
We were Dick Pics, and the streets were hot.
Oh, God! That's so funny.
Richard's Pictures. I love it.
I love hearing you really-- you're, like, internalizing the joke.
It's layered.
♪ St. Stephen will remain ♪
♪ All of those deeds shall regain ♪
♪ Seashore washed by the suds ♪
♪ And the foe's been here so long ♪
♪ He's got to coin it home ♪
♪ Fortune comes a-crawling ♪
♪ To life be one ♪
♪ Spinning that curious sense of your own ♪
♪ Can you answer? ♪
♪ Yes, I can ♪
♪ What would be the answer to the answer man? ♪
If you don't mind, we'd like to turn the tables on you for a second.
Jake mocked up a little fish quiz.
For Scott, Quiz Khalifa himself.
Can we hit you with a few questions?
We'll do a multiple choice.
You can also call me the host for the story of the ghost.
Or Quiz the Eskimo, or Quizman the Family Berserker,
or host for Nutbag, but sure, go on.
All right, Jake, hit him with the first one.
For an entire tour, which board game did Fish play against the audience in the mid-'90s?
-Taz. -Okay.
-No need for multiple choice. -All right.
And just so our audience understands,
in 1995, Fish engaged in a chess game with the audience
in where both the audience and band made one move a night.
All right, ready for your next question?
-Ready for it. -Let's see who's moving on.
What song has been played live the most by Fish?
"You Enjoy Myself," "Cavern,"
"Run Like an Antelope," "Golgi Apparatus."
Oh, I'm going to say "Cavern."
[buzzer]
-What? -Savage question.
Wow. Is it "Run?"
"You Enjoy Myself."
Really? Played the most times?
Or "Y.E.M."
Yeah, "Y.E.M." I know this song. I know what the song is.
Of course you do. I mean, look, you're welcome to challenge us, but...
I don't know. I'm not a Fish specific,
but to me, that's like a bust-- that's kind of a bust-out.
Like, it's a classic song. It's super long and intricate,
and I don't know. I haven't gotten it that often.
Yeah, who knows? Maybe that's--
Maybe that's the song that's been played the most minutes ever.
Well, that's true, probably, definitely.
But also, when they were starting out,
that was probably their marquee piece of music,
and they were probably busted out.
That was probably the closer for every show.
Well, yeah, okay.
That could be one of the-- you get some controversial questions on HQ.
I'm getting-- but "Cavern," I get almost every show.
"Cavern," they always play it when I see them, and I love it.
Okay. Well, so all right, we'll double-check.
Who knows which metric that was with?
One more.
Which of these songs has Fish not covered?
"Cities," "Talking Heads,"
"Brain Stew," "Green Day,"
"LA Woman," "The Doors,"
"Sneaking Sally Through the Alley," "Robert Palm."
No, it's not "Green Day."
I didn't write a cover of "Green Day."
That's right.
You won $2.12.
Whoo-hoo!
Good for a vegan PB&J in the lot.
Oh, yeah.
So, Scott, you're born and raised New Yorker?
I am. You as well?
Born-- I grew up in Jersey, full disclosure.
Okay, yeah, I grew up in Westchester,
so we were-- you know, some families go west to Jersey,
north to Westchester, east to Long Island.
That's how it is. That's the diaspora.
And don't forget about Connecticut.
Got a couple people out there.
CT!
That's where Jake's from.
Fairfield, New Canaan, Darien.
[laughs]
Well, thanks so much for calling in, Scott.
You really fit the TC vibe.
We'd love to have you call back in.
I love this vibe. I love it.
And listen, I'm going to be out in LA in April.
Ezra, do you want to be a guest on my show out there?
Yeah, sure, I'll stop by.
Sweet!
And then we got-- I want to get you--
Vampire Weekend's finally getting back on tour this year.
For real?
Yeah, you got to come through.
Maybe post up in the lot.
We could do some HQX Vampire Weekend one-off tees.
Do you know how big you guys are?
It's been a while. I don't know.
I'm mostly just a radio personality now.
But I'm telling you this, Ezra.
When you guys broke, you guys were everywhere.
And it was like, "They went to Columbia,
"they're so cool, this kid's Jewish,
"and they like this cool indie thing."
And it was revolutionary.
And, dude, it's incredible. It's just so cool.
Oh, thank you.
I want to talk to you about your life and your career.
But the best is yet to come, man,
because Jake and I have been talking,
and when we get back on the road,
we're going to get a little tasty on stage.
We're going to try to get an 8-minute Cape Cod cuasa cuasa going.
8-Minute Cape Cod!
It's going to be fun, man.
I think you'll appreciate it.
I love it. I'm going to start trading your tape.
Oh, yeah. Please come and record some.
Everybody, Scott Rogowsky, HQ, check it out.
And we'll definitely be having you back,
and hopefully we'll see you when you're out in L.A.
For sure. Sounds good.
Have a good one, man. Peace.
Bye.
As a young girl
Louis Vuitton
With your mother
On a sandy lawn
As a sophomore
With reggaeton
And linen
You're sitting on
Is your bed made?
Is your sweater on?
Do you want a hug?
Like you know I do
Like you know I do
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
This feels so unnatural
Peter Gabriel too
Feels so unnatural
Peter Gabriel too
piano solo
Did you stay up
To see the dawn
In the colors
Of Benetton
Is your bed made?
Is your sweater on?
Do you want a hug?
Like you know I do
Like you know I do
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Feels so unnatural ♪
♪ Peter Gabriel too ♪
♪ But it feels so unnatural ♪
♪ Peter Gabriel ♪
♪ He's a bad man ♪
♪ He's a swaggerer ♪
♪ He wanna ♪
♪ Like you know I do ♪
♪ Like you know I do ♪
- All right, Jake, you ready for the top five?
- I am.
♪ It's time for the top five ♪
♪ Five on iTunes ♪
- Okay, so because this is Lady Doritos Town Hall,
we're just gonna focus on the top five songs of today.
The number five song on iTunes right now,
Kendrick Lamar and SZA.
You know who SZA is?
- No.
- How do you think you spell SZA?
- S-I-Z-Z-A?
No, S-Z-A.
- Yeah.
- I've seen it.
- This is from Black Panther, the album.
- I saw it over the weekend.
- Oh, you saw it?
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- Good.
- Yeah, it's a fun movie.
- A welcome addition to the MCU.
This is one of these rare instances
when the soundtrack album is topping the charts
the same week the movie's number one.
- Okay.
- You know, like that used to happen
a lot more in the 90s.
But so this-- - Did it?
- Yeah, I feel like that's when they were like
really just firing in all cylinders.
- Like just like the Godzilla soundtrack.
- Lavish amounts of money spent on these soundtracks.
So this was executive produced by Kendrick Lamar.
The album is music from and inspired by
that classic soundtrack thing.
So I don't know if all these songs are in the movie,
but anyway, this is the first one that we're hearing.
Number five on the charts right now,
all the stars, Kendrick and SZA.
- Sounds dope.
Was this in last week?
- No.
- Wait, does this song predate the movie?
I feel like I've heard this like--
- Really?
- A few times over the last couple months.
No, am I being crazy?
- It's possible.
Yeah, maybe it came out before.
- Or maybe I only heard it once or twice
and it's that infectious.
- Yeah.
- It's been out for a minute.
I'm in.
It's a good song.
I'm way in.
It's a kind of a weird structure.
Who's the woman singing?
- SZA.
- Oh, okay.
Why did I think SZA was a dude?
- Yeah, that's a good question, Jake.
- It's hard to patriarchy.
- That is a good question, man.
Why did you think SZA was a dude?
Well, maybe 'cause RZA and JZA are dudes.
- Maybe that's what it is, dude.
♪ Look at me crazy 'cause I ain't invite you ♪
♪ Are you a part of the moral to the story ♪
♪ You endorse the mother fucker ♪
♪ I don't even like you ♪
♪ Corrupt a man's heart with a gift ♪
♪ That's how you find out who you're dealing with ♪
♪ A smart person that you're unbuilding with ♪
♪ I want the credit if I'm losing or winning ♪
♪ You know my mama that's the realest ♪
- Who's singing with the auto-tune there?
- I don't know, it could be anybody.
♪ I've been receiving all of it ♪
♪ I've been receiving all of it ♪
♪ 'Cause maybe the light in my dreams might let me know ♪
♪ All the stars are blue, sure ♪
♪ All the stars are blue, sure ♪
♪ All the stars are blue, sure ♪
♪ 'Cause maybe the light in my dreams might let me know ♪
♪ All the stars are blue, sure ♪
♪ All the stars are blue, sure ♪
♪ All the stars are blue, sure ♪
- What is she saying?
All the stars are what?
I love that part.
- That's your favorite part?
- I mean, I'm into the whole thing.
I like the production, but I don't know.
Those melodies are cooler than she's singing.
- She's saying, 'cause maybe the night in my dreams
might let me know all the stars are closer,
all the stars are closer.
- Okay.
Kendrick's verse.
Kendrick's actually on his Positively 4th Street.
- Oh, is he?
- In the verses.
I don't even want your congratulations.
I recognize you far as confidence
and calculated promises all in your conversation.
I hate people that feel entitled.
Look at me crazy 'cause I ain't invite you?
Oh, you important?
You're the moral to the story you endorsing?
Mother (beep) I don't even like you.
That's like some totally some--
- Yeah, very positively.
♪ I've been receiving all of it ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ 'Cause maybe the night in my dreams might let me know ♪
♪ All the stars are closer ♪
♪ All the stars are closer ♪
♪ All the stars are closer ♪
♪ Maybe the night in my dreams might let me know ♪
♪ All the stars are closer ♪
♪ All the stars are closer ♪
♪ All the stars are closer ♪
- Okay, if that Drake song is in the top five,
I feel like we need to pull up the Bob to do a cross ref.
'Cause we're not doing 70s.
- Right. - Pull up the Bob.
- It's an eternal, whoa, hold on, let's keep going.
The number four song.
- It's a running theme of just bitching people out.
- I mean, that never goes out of fashion.
- Yeah.
- I don't care who you are.
- Well, specifically someone that's very successful.
- Right.
- Bitching out people that are jealous of them
and resentful towards them.
- That's one thing Kendrick and Bob Dylan have in common
outside of both being great lyricists,
is they both very quickly rose to the top of their field.
- Yeah.
- Creating a lot of, I'm sure, anger, bitterness,
unjust criticism, fake friends.
- I can relate.
- The number four song is also from the Black Panther,
the album soundtrack. - Wow.
- This one is "The Weekend" and Kendrick Lamar,
"Pray For Me."
- Very consistent palette.
- This is a good song.
♪ I'm always ready for a war again ♪
- I'm always ready for a war again.
♪ Down that road again ♪
♪ It's all the same ♪
♪ I'm always ready to take a life again ♪
♪ You know I'll ride again ♪
♪ It's all the same ♪
♪ Tell me who's gonna save me from myself ♪
♪ When this life is all I know ♪
♪ Tell me who's gonna save me from this hell ♪
- This might be a very rare situation
where I like the soundtrack more than the film.
(explosion)
- Whoa.
- That's controversial.
♪ You gon' pray to me ♪
- I know.
- It's a rare situation.
- But you like the movie.
- The film's fine.
I mean, I'm just not, we discussed this last episode.
I don't like not a superhero movie.
- I don't, yeah.
♪ If I gon' kill you ♪
♪ Then I'll spill this blood on you ♪
♪ I fight the world, I fight you, I fight myself ♪
♪ I fight that, just tell me how many burdens left ♪
♪ I fight pain and hurricanes, today I wept ♪
♪ I'm trying to fight back tears, flood on my doorsteps ♪
♪ Life and living hell, puddles of blood in the streets ♪
♪ Shooters on top of the building, government aid and relief ♪
♪ Earthquake, the body dropped, the ground breaks ♪
♪ The poor run with smoke lungs and scarred face ♪
♪ Who need a hero ♪
♪ Hero ♪
♪ Who need a hero, look in the mirror, there go your hero ♪
♪ Who on the front lines that grounds hero ♪
♪ Hero ♪
♪ My heart don't skip a beat even when hard times bumps the needle ♪
♪ Mass destruction and mass corruption ♪
♪ The souls of suffering men ♪
♪ Clutching on deaf ears again, rapture's coming ♪
♪ It's all a prophecy and if I gotta be sacrificed ♪
♪ For the greater good, then that's what it gotta be ♪
♪ You gon' pray for me ♪
♪ Take my pain for me ♪
♪ Save my soul for me ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a Lord to see ♪
♪ If I won't die for you ♪
♪ If I won't kill for you ♪
♪ Then I spill this blood for you ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
- What I loved was the Oakland stuff.
- Oh yeah, that was great.
- It opens with that and it closes with that.
And I'm like, give me another 40 minutes
of Oakland-based hijinks.
Either a spaceship showing up or origin story or you know.
- Maybe in the next movie, there'll be more Oakland.
'Cause they say they're gonna build something in Oakland.
- I'm not gonna see that.
- You wouldn't go see the sequel?
- Probably not.
I mean, if they're like, look, the sequel's out,
it's very Oakland heavy.
- Yeah.
- Then I'm in.
- Black Panther 2, Back in the Bay.
♪ If I won't kill for you ♪
♪ Then I spill this blood for you ♪
♪ Hey ♪
- I love the recall too to Fruitvale Station.
- Well, the director Ryan Coogler's first film.
- Born and Raised in Oakland.
- Yeah.
- Great director.
- That to me was fascinating.
- Yeah, 'cause that's true.
Like a lot of times when like a kind of director
who had like some breakout indie film
and then somehow they get like,
now they're directing a Star Wars movie
or they're directing Iron Man 7.
It's like, you look and you look for a little bit
of their personality in it.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And you just can't find it anywhere.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And this was actually like a perfect matchup
of like how often would you have a director
where you could actually find some continuity
between their kind of like smaller film
about like police violence.
- Yeah, like a local story.
- And then they're very much is like a through line,
which is pretty amazing.
So far, we've only talked about songs
from the Black Panther soundtrack.
Jake with a highly controversial opinion
that the soundtrack might be better than the film.
- Well, I'm not saying, I like the soundtrack more.
- Well, you're more of a music guy
than a superhero movie guy.
- That's very true.
- So, all right.
As long as you show respect to both.
The number three song,
Zedd featuring Maren Morris and Grey, "The Middle".
- That's a mouthful.
♪ Take a seat ♪
- Maren Morris is primarily known as a country singer.
- Is Zedd from One Direction?
- No, that's Zane.
- Who's Zedd?
- Zedd is a German DJ, producer.
♪ I know we men are getting tensions ♪
♪ So pull me closer ♪
♪ Why don't you pull me close ♪
♪ Why don't you come on over ♪
- Is this more auto-tune country?
My favorite new genre.
♪ Why don't you just meet me in the middle ♪
- This is crazy.
♪ I'm losing my mind just a little ♪
- The octave pedal on the vocals.
♪ So why don't you just meet me in the middle ♪
♪ In the middle ♪
- A little rock.
- Yeah, this is pretty like third eye blind.
♪ Meet me in the middle ♪
♪ I'm losing my mind just a little ♪
♪ So why don't you just meet me in the middle ♪
♪ In the middle ♪
♪ Oh, take a step ♪
♪ Back for a minute ♪
♪ Into the kitchen ♪
- I mean, it's all right.
- Yeah.
- Not bad.
- I'm not mad at it.
- It's inoffensive.
♪ How did we get into this mess ♪
♪ Got so aggressive ♪
♪ I know we men are getting tensions ♪
♪ So pull me closer ♪
♪ Why don't you pull me close ♪
♪ Why don't you come on over ♪
♪ I can't just let you go ♪
- Why don't you meet me in the middle?
That's actually a perfect,
yeah, embodiment of the song itself.
♪ Meet me in the middle ♪
♪ Not too far to the left or to the right ♪
♪ Not too poppy, not too country ♪
♪ Meet me in the middle ♪
♪ In the middle ♪
♪ Looking at you, I can't lie ♪
♪ Just pouring out admission ♪
♪ Regardless of my objection ♪
♪ And it's not about my pride ♪
♪ I need you on my skin ♪
♪ Just come over, pull me in ♪
♪ Just ♪
♪ Just inoffensive ♪
♪ And definitely not regionally specific ♪
♪ You're German and I'm Southern ♪
♪ What's the difference ♪
♪ Never met face to face, never will ♪
♪ Transatlantic, ISDN ♪
♪ Baby ♪
♪ Why don't you just meet me in the middle ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ I'm losing my mind just a little ♪
♪ So why don't you just meet me in the middle ♪
♪ Oh, in the middle ♪
♪ Baby ♪
- So that was, that was pop.
- Yep.
- That was when a country person goes pop.
This is when a pop person goes country.
Remember this one?
(piano music)
This is a big old hit.
- I'm trying to remember.
♪ Baby lay on back ♪
- Oh yeah.
(laughing)
Florida, Georgia, like, dash.
♪ No need to go nowhere fast ♪
♪ Let's enjoy right here where we at ♪
♪ Who knows where this road is supposed to lead ♪
- So B.B. Rexha is a New Yorker.
Here's a quote from her.
I never thought a New York girl like me
would have a country hit.
♪ Everything's gonna be all right ♪
♪ If it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be ♪
♪ Baby just let it be ♪
♪ If it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be ♪
♪ Baby just let it be ♪
- I'd love to hear like a version
by like Phosphorescent of this song.
- Oh, it'd be beautiful.
- Yeah, it'd be great.
♪ Be ♪
- Like classic descending chord progression.
♪ If it's meant to be ♪
♪ I don't mean to be so uptight ♪
♪ But my heart's been hurt a couple times ♪
♪ By a couple guys that didn't treat me right ♪
♪ I ain't gonna lie, gonna lie ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm tired of the fake love ♪
♪ Show me what you're made of ♪
♪ Boy, make me believe ♪
♪ Whoa, hold up, girl ♪
♪ Don't you know you're beautiful ♪
♪ And it's easy to say ♪ - Whoa, hold up, girl.
I don't understand why he interjected then.
She's saying her heart's been broken a lot
and then he just goes,
♪ Whoa, hold up, girl ♪
♪ Don't you know you're beautiful ♪
♪ Hold the phone ♪
♪ Whoa, hold up, girl ♪
♪ Don't you know you're beautiful ♪
♪ And it's easy to say ♪
♪ And it's easy to say ♪
- It's so over the top.
I wonder if these dudes ever crack up.
When they do a take and they're listening back
in the playback booth, they're just like, oh man.
I was really laying it on thick on that take.
Whoa, hold up, girl.
I don't know.
Hold up, girl.
- It's like the super heavy auto-tune, really.
- Yeah, it's like a crazy hokey take
plus with the auto-tune, it's insane.
♪ If it's meant to be, it'll be ♪
♪ It'll be, baby, just let it be ♪
♪ Whoa, hold up, girl ♪
♪ Girl ♪
- If it's meant to be, it'll be.
Like, what is it even saying?
If it's meant to be, it'll be.
- It's meant to be, man.
- Oops, I cheated on you.
I guess it wasn't meant to be.
What was the chorus of the first song we listened to
about closer to the stars?
- Yeah, all the stars, it was--
- You know, it just goes,
you don't need to have a message, really.
(laughing)
It's a pop song.
- Well, it needs to be something.
Well, speaking of message,
the number one song on iTunes right now
is Drake, "God's Plan."
And we've listened to this song a bunch.
This turned out to be a very big hit.
I guess it's not surprising, it's Drake after all.
But when we first heard it,
we thought that this kind of reminded us
of a Bob Dylan song,
Drake just still talking about the haters, blah, blah, blah.
But then he turned the video into something larger.
Did you hear about the video?
- No, I haven't.
- In the video, Drake goes to Miami,
and it says in the beginning,
basically the budget of this video is about a million bucks.
- It says that on the screen?
- Yeah, we decided to give it all away.
- Oh, cool.
- And then the video's just him going around,
he goes to a supermarket,
and he yells out, "Everybody,
"I'm gonna cover everything you want today."
Gives a scholarship to somebody,
just goes and hands cash out to people.
Donates to a shelter, you know?
- Crazy.
♪ I don't wanna die for them to miss me ♪
♪ Yes, I see the day ♪
- Drake said before the video's release,
it was the most important thing I've done in my career.
Justin Bieber wrote on his Instagram
that it's the best video he's ever seen.
And he said, "You have such a big heart, brother."
♪ I hold back, sometimes I won't, yeah ♪
♪ I feel good, sometimes I don't, ay, no ♪
- So it was Drake's dough.
It wasn't the production's dough.
- That's a good question.
I mean, if the label paid for it,
maybe it was like Warner Brothers or some (beep),
I don't know.
♪ Said that no, sayid ♪
♪ And still ♪
♪ Bad things ♪
♪ It's a lot of bad things that they wishin' ♪
♪ And wishin' and wishin' and wishin' ♪
♪ They wishin' on me ♪
♪ Bad things ♪
♪ It's a lot of bad things that they wishin' ♪
♪ And wishin' and wishin' and wishin' ♪
♪ They wishin' on me ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Ay, ay ♪
♪ She say, "Do you love me?" ♪
♪ I tell her, "Only partly ♪
♪ I only love my bed and my mama ♪
♪ I'm sorry ♪
- You like that line, Jake?
That's become like this major takeaway
from the song is that line.
- What's the line?
Part, "I love you partly"?
- Yeah, that's it.
- She asked me if I love her, I said, "Partly?"
Is that what he says?
- She said, "Do you love me?"
I told her, "Only partly."
I only love my bed and my mama.
I'm sorry.
- My bed.
(laughing)
It's kinda funny.
♪ I only love my bed and my mama ♪
♪ I'm sorry ♪
- Bad, he couldn't come up with something better than bed.
- I only love my bed sheets.
- That's the Ed Sheeran version.
♪ She said, "Do you love me?" ♪
♪ I told her, "Only partly ♪
♪ I only love my bed and my bed sheets ♪
♪ I'm sorry ♪
(laughing)
- I mean, I don't know if Drake had too many options
'cause it wouldn't be very Drake if just to say,
like, "I only love my money and my mama."
- Well, that'd be kinda weak too.
I mean--
- That'd just be cliched.
- Yeah.
No, maybe bed is good.
I don't know.
- He couldn't say gun 'cause that's not how Drake is.
And if he said phone, that'd be embarrassing.
- Come, I'm thinking it through a little bit here.
Maybe bed is a strong call.
- He's just like, "I'm a cozy guy."
Or he's saying, you know, "I'm so busy.
I only have time to love my bed
in the brief moments when I get to sleep."
- I'm so busy, I'm slammed.
If I get to lay down, I'm gonna cherish that.
- Honestly, right now I'm very busy, so--
- I don't have time for a relationship.
- Drake, Aubrey, do you love me?
The answer is partly.
Because honestly, I'm very busy with my career.
So for me, I don't have time to be close
with a lot of women.
And I know you're gonna laugh,
but the number one lady in my life is my mother.
- Call me old fashioned.
- Call me old fashioned,
but I only have so much love to give.
And I love my mom.
And as you know, my schedule is insane.
And I have a really comfortable bed.
And yeah, I spend a lot of money on it.
I'm not ashamed of that.
The mattress is $50,000.
So you better believe when I get into that bed,
I'm loving it.
It's a shame I can only spend four
or five hours a night in there.
I wish I could spend eight.
Don't have the time.
- You know, like when you're a teenager
and on a Sunday, you might sleep like 12 hours.
I literally haven't done that in 10 years.
I'm so busy.
I rap, I sing.
I'm singing and rapping.
- Working on an auto-tune country record.
- Yeah.
- Oh, geez.
It'd be funny if Drake sounded like that.
He just sings the way he sings.
- I can't do a Drake impression.
- She said.
- I only love my bed.
Be like, I only love my bed?
♪ She say do you love me ♪
♪ I tell her only partly ♪
♪ I only love my bed and my mama ♪
- Also, I think if somebody asked if you love them,
it's kind of a binary.
Yes or no question.
Drake, do you love me?
- That's so stressful when someone asks you.
- Sheila, okay, you keeping it real with me.
So I'm gonna keep it real with you because I respect you.
Are there things that I love about you?
- Sheila.
- Can I say conclusively that I don't love you?
Honestly, Sheila.
- Let's examine the evidence.
- Let's examine it.
Let's unpack this, Sheila.
To start, I need to say the things that I do love.
As you know, I love my mother.
Do I love you in the way that I love my mother?
Of course not.
She gave me life.
So if you're asking, do I love you as much as my mother?
Of course I'm not asking you that.
Okay, but if you were asking me,
do I love you as much as my mother?
The answer is no.
I've known her literally my entire life.
I've known you for three and a half weeks,
of which the first two weeks were just texting.
So of course I don't love you as much as my mother.
Moving on to the second thing I love the most, my bed.
- Do I love you as much as this inanimate object?
The answer is no.
- The answer is no, I do not.
My bed's always there for me.
And as you know, I really value my sleep.
Does this mean that I therefore do not love you?
Partly.
The answer is partly.
Are there things that I love about you?
Yes.
- Partly is such.
- I love the way you look.
You're a very attractive girl, Sheila.
I've always been open about the fact that--
- You're in great shape.
- That it was your Instagram account that first drew me.
I literally wouldn't know who you were
if it wasn't for your Instagram.
Does that make me shallow?
Maybe it makes you shallow.
But yes, I love the way you look, Sheila.
So is that a form of love?
Yes.
Does that mean I'm in love with you?
Again, the answer is partly.
I love the fact that you love me.
You seem to love me.
I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth.
I appreciate that.
- Christ.
- You know, it's such a weird line too,
because like in the video,
you see like, he's like got a crowd of people
yelling that line.
And I saw some video of like a bunch of frat bros
just yelling, "She's a do you love me?"
Like, what the kind of thing is that?
You're just like a face 20 year old at a frat party.
And that's what you just want to yell.
She said, do you love me?
I said, only partly.
I only love my bed and my mama.
I'm sorry.
- Yeah, maybe it's just some
- Life is weird, man.
- Huge, weird, conceptual art prank of Drake's
planning to have just like people like
shouting out the most weird,
aesthetic lyrics.
- I just thought of an even darker element
is that this whole conversation with the girl
is taking place in the bed.
So there it's like pillow talk,
just had sex and she just like turning over like,
so Drake, we've been together about a year now.
And I love you.
Do you love me?
You feel this bed that we're in?
Mm-hmm.
It's comfortable.
Is it not?
It's very comfortable.
The sheets are very fine.
High thread count.
Yes.
Okay.
See how good the bed makes you feel?
What makes me feel even better
because I'm the one who spent $70,000 on it.
The way I feel about this bed,
I would call that love.
You, partly, you're this weird additional thing.
I love the bed.
I love the bed that we're in.
I like you.
I partly love you.
I don't know what the right terminology is,
but I do like the bed more than you.
- I like this bed with or without you in it.
- Yeah.
(laughing)
- I could, you,
I love your bed. - Take or leave.
- Either way.
Wow.
Wow, Drake, really?
You love your bed more than you love live women?
Hold up.
You forgot about my mother.
My mother is a living woman
that I love as much as the bed.
Gotcha.
I am very emotionally mature,
but clearly you're not.
Please vacate the premises.
God's plan.
(laughing)
Everything about it. - God's plan.
- Drake's just at this point in his career, it's amazing.
I mean, you know, I love Drake.
You can't not like Drake,
but it's like he's at this place where he,
he's just such a cult of personality
and so much charisma and (beep)
that he can somehow in one,
this one song bring together this major concept,
God's plan, this thing about him giving away money,
the haters, this woman that he loves less than his bed,
and it's a number one hit.
Incredible.
Well, that was an interesting top five.
Pop country, Drake.
- It was pretty solid.
- None of it sucked.
- Yeah.
- Also, it's funny that the middle was number three.
- Yeah.
- So right in the middle of the top five.
Well, Jake, this is a hell of an episode.
We managed to hold--
- A lot of calls.
- Yeah.
(laughing)
Real, just call-in show.
We managed to cram in a Lady Doritos Town Hall,
a surprise guest spot from Quizmaster Scott Rogowski
from HQ, and we even got to make the top five.
It was pretty good.
- I feel great about it.
- Yeah, and I think we got a whole--
- I think it was just a great episode all around.
- I mean, Rasheed has been on Time Crisis
quite a few times, but I feel like,
Hannah, is this the first time Hannah's ever been
on Time Crisis?
- Her first appearance.
- So I think we got three new members
of the Time Crisis family.
Chloe, Hannah, and Scott Rogowski.
- Huge.
- All right, well, we'll see you guys in two weeks.
Thanks for listening.
- Time Crisis with Ezra King.
Be-be-be-be-be-be-beasts.
One.
♪ One ♪
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