Episode 66: Juice Island
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Transcript
Time Crisis back once again. On this week's episode, we'll be joined by surprise guest
Despot in the studio. We'll talk about the burning debate about steroid use in sports.
Plus we'll dig into the mailbag, listen to the greatest hits of 1977 and today. This is
Time Crisis with Ezra King. B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-Sport One.
When you pass me by, all of those great romances
Do what I felt, lovingly, all my rightful chances
My picture clear, everything seemed so easy
And so I dealt to the blow, when the bus had to go
Now it's different, I want you to know
One of us is crying, one of us is lying
Leave it on me babe
Time Crisis back in effect. What's up Jake?
Hey.
You got some real pep in your step. You doing something different with your hair?
I got a haircut yesterday.
Okay, there's that.
She put a little product in my hair.
Oh, your product guy now?
Which I never do.
Gotta get on the product wave.
And I remember I bought product a few months ago, last time I was at the salon.
And then I completely forgot about it.
But now are you gonna maybe start using it more?
Unlikely.
I need a haircut bad right now.
It's looking good, it's shaggy.
It's a little shaggy. I always go get my hair cut and then the hairdresser will teach me how to use the product.
And then I kind of forget and I do a half-assed job of using the product.
But I put a little something in every day.
I always found it funny that they just call it product.
I still find that kind of funny.
It's like, you know, because obviously there's a lot of different types of products.
There's gels and pastes and sprays.
But the idea that the umbrella term for all of these things is just product.
That's like just saying like stuff.
Yeah, it's like saying like food.
The haircut is a product as well.
Goods and services could be considered products.
I'm into this use of the word product in general.
Maybe some email you have with like your record label or like your publicist.
And they're just like, well, we want to put forth a good product.
Yeah, well, that's classic.
I love that.
People always say that.
I thought you were gonna just be using more like day-to-day life.
Just like, babe, I'm stopping by 7-Eleven on my way home.
You need any products?
I've never said that.
Thanks, Jake.
I could use some of those pre-made hard-boiled eggs in the little plastic thing.
And also some shaving cream and Advil.
Those are three products that I could use.
Oh, and a hot dog.
Four products.
And some hair product.
And some hair product.
Anyway, when I came in, Jake, you were delighting in a promotional photo of Kiefer Sutherland.
I was.
And for people who don't know, Kiefer Sutherland is a beloved American actor.
Best known for playing Jack Bauer, I would say.
Yeah, to a certain generation.
I know him from being in one of my favorite '80s films, Lost Boys.
Oh, sure.
He plays a young vampire.
But you know, Kiefer Sutherland, he's a major dude.
A lot of films and programs over the years.
Oh, and also recently, relevant to the show, Designated Survivor.
Designated Survivor, which if people don't remember, is a dog-sh*t ABC show that Jake loves.
I stopped watching it finally.
I fell off the wagon.
I don't know if that's the right term, but.
[Laughter]
So Kiefer Sutherland is an American actor.
Yeah.
He's been doing his thing for 30-plus years.
Yeah.
But what people might not know is that he's also a musician.
And I celebrate people going between this and that.
Totally.
I think all actors should make albums.
I love Russell Crowe's music.
Yeah, there's some good sh*t in there.
And these days, you see some actors making big music.
Yeah.
But Kiefer Sutherland, I actually didn't know that he did music.
But you saw this picture, a promotional picture for, I guess he has an album coming out soon.
Yeah.
And the picture, the reason you were delighting in it, Kiefer Sutherland, a.k.a. Jack Bauer,
just posing in front of a truck.
A Peterbilt semi-grille.
A semi, yeah, not a pickup truck.
No, 18-wheeler.
An 18-wheeler.
And first of all, these promotional pictures that people see of artists, you know,
sometimes we take it for granted.
Somebody had to put some thought into that.
You know, when you click on Apple Music and you see a picture of Drake or something,
Drake did a photo shoot, and then he said, "I want this to be one of my promotional pictures."
We've had to do all these, like, nightmare photo shoots, thankfully I haven't had to do it in a few years,
where you have to pick a photographer, pick locations, pick what you're going to wear,
because this is going to be your dumbass press photo that's going to be used on websites, stores,
things like that, so you're going to have to make a decision.
Like, are we going to horse around?
Keep it light?
Are we going to keep it light?
Maybe.
We used to have a press photo that was used a lot where they just took us to some, like, place,
like a photography place in London where people just, like, take pictures.
So just have different rooms and props.
And then we did this picture where there was, like, an old-timey, like, horn,
I guess almost like a megaphone, like a cheerleading, like, megaphone-type horn thing, and it was giant.
Yeah.
I don't even know if I'm describing it properly, but it's like,
it was always, you could, like, take and you could be yelling into it and the other guy's, like, holding it up.
And it's, like, this goofy-ass picture we did, and then I was, like, I've literally seen it a billion times since then,
just, like, rolling up to do a show somewhere, and, like, that's the one.
Yeah.
But anyway, you have to, one way or another, these things affect your image.
They affect the product.
The way the product is being marketed to the marketplace--
The product rollout.
This is part of it.
So anyway, Kiefer Sutherland chose to pose in front of an 18-wheeler.
Honestly, if I saw that picture, I wouldn't think twice about it, but what caught you about that, Jake?
Well, picturing Kiefer being a passionate owner of an 18-wheeler,
I kind of went on a flight of fancy, I'll be honest.
We were joking with Nick before the show about it, was the idea of, like, a Hollywood actor.
Yeah.
Son of a famous Hollywood actor, also.
Right.
And then a guy that's sort of like, "You know what? I'm going to hit the open road.
I want to go see real America."
That's kind of a classic thing, is that you got actors who consider themselves to be kind of like alpha male types,
because everything about it, they play alpha males.
They play, like, action heroes and s--t.
Yeah.
But then there's this funny tension there, because you might be playing, like, badass dudes on screen,
but at the end of the day, you are a sensitive, artistic craftsman.
You are a thespian.
Is it "thes-be-an" or "thespian"?
Well, it's a "p," so I always say "thespian."
I said "thes-be-an," like a lesbian with a "th."
I've heard people rhyme those words before, but I always pronounce it "thespian."
Okay. "Thespian."
But so there's this funny tension, and I think that really gets under a lot of actors' skin.
Right.
Especially these, like, supposedly badass dudes, and that's why you hear about them getting into, like,
some random fight at a bar in Malibu.
Right.
Or there'll be, like, some biker just be like, "You think you're tough? F--k you, man."
Tough guy on TV, huh?
Yeah.
"What you gonna do now, Jack Bauer?"
So the fantasy was that Kiefer owned a gleaming new, shiny '18 Wheeler
and would drive it out to, like, Iowa.
Right.
Or Texas somewhere to a truck stop just for, like, the experience of, like,
"I wanna get on the open road."
But he's driving, like, a huge '18 Wheeler, and then he's pulling into a way station.
Yeah, 'cause people do that with motorcycles all the time.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Take a road trip.
'Cause, like, weekend warrior, like, bougie dudes will be, like,
jump on the Harley with their boys and, like,
"Yeah, go knock back a few cold ones at, like, a roadhouse."
And be like, "Man, I wish I could just take that monkey suit off,
tell my boss at Goldman Sachs to shove it, and just hit the open road."
Hollywood's BS. I'm making $14 million a year.
I bet that s--t happens all the time.
I bet there's, like, bars outside of L.A.
That's funny.
That's just, like, at least once a week, like, an actor rolls out on a Harley.
Yeah.
Just, like, somewhere out in the desert.
Is that Taylor Kitsch?
Yep.
Oh, yeah.
We had a Zac Efron in here the week before.
You guys know each other?
No, I don't know him. Hollywood's bulls--t, man.
I like coming out here talking to real people like you.
All right. You got a head shot?
Got a head shot to put up behind the bar?
But doing it in 18 Wheeler is 10 times funnier.
The fantasy was Kiefer in 18 Wheeler.
Just pulling into, like, a weigh station, and the guy being like, "What do you got in there?"
"Nothing."
Oh, really? You just ride for the love of trucking?
That's right, sir. God bless you.
Never done it professionally.
Yeah.
This is a hobby.
[laughs]
You've heard songs about truck drivers many times, their story told.
How they pulled out of Pittsburgh for six days on the road.
'Bout that Feather River Canyon, and a-climbin' that old grapevine.
That old roadhouse down in Texas, and the girls they left behind.
You've heard their tales of daring, and I think that's just fine.
But if you could spare a minute, well, I'd like to tell you mine.
There'd be no truck drivers if it wasn't for us trucks.
No double clutching, gear jamming, coffee drinking nuts.
They drive their way to glory, and they have all the luck.
There'd be no truck drivers if it wasn't for us trucks.
Should we pull up the Kiefer record from a few years ago?
Yeah, yeah, 'cause we don't have the new one.
I'm kind of curious what it sounds like. I'm picturing kind of smoky bar rock.
This will help with the fantasy.
By the way, when I said I loved the music of Russell Crowe, it was fully sarcastic.
I don't think that really landed.
Have you even heard it?
Yes, I've seen YouTube clips.
Kiefer Sutherland's last album was in 2016, and it's called "Down in a Hole."
And this is the--
Down in a hole. You know the Alice in Chains song?
No.
Okay.
I know "Man in the Box."
[beatboxing]
I'm the man in the box.
Being in holes in boxes, that was--
It's a recurring theme for Alice in Chains.
But this is the notes on Kiefer Sutherland's last album on Apple Music.
"Charred southern rockers and stormy country laments to satisfy Americana diehards."
So there you go.
He's going for, like, the real [bleep]
The younger actors, they go more for, like, EDM.
But Kiefer's generation is more just like, "Yeah, here's some, like, rude [bleep]."
So let's check it out.
Track one on the last album is called "Can't Stay Away."
[guitar playing]
Yeah, picturing Kiefer getting his commercial driver's license.
Getting that CDL. Ooh.
This is like a tasteful '90s palette.
I'm on board so far.
This could be Pearl Jam.
Yeah.
♪ Walking in the wrong direction ♪
♪ Now I should be walking home ♪
♪ Smart enough to know much better ♪
♪ Ain't tough enough to be alone ♪
This sounds more like Pearl Jam to me than anything.
Oh, I guess not this part.
♪ Can't stay away ♪
Can't stay away from my 18-wheeler.
♪ Got me wrapped around your finger ♪
I mean, I wish Pearl Jam would use some of those kind of, like, female backing vocals.
That'd be cool.
That'd be kind of a fresh look for them.
I mean, so far, you really can't say a bad word about it.
You could say it's unoriginal, but beyond that, it's, "I'm feeling hip."
Yeah, I mean--
You could say that.
You played that, and you were just like, "Yeah, it's one of the guys from Pearl Jam's side project."
This is a Mike McReady solo album.
Yeah, you can buy it.
It's definitely not bad.
♪ Can't stay away ♪
♪
I wonder if, like, Kiefer's working on these songs
while he's sitting in his trailer on the set of Designated Survivor.
Probably.
That's a tight image.
♪ Did you think I'd catch you, baby ♪
♪ Off my back ♪
Oh, you know--
Is he touring?
Well, he signed to Warner Music Nashville, so this has really marketed his country
more than anything.
♪
♪
I wonder how quickly they recorded this record.
Probably piecemeal. He's a busy guy.
Right.
I'm thinking he had the Cracker Jack Nashville band,
and they just put it together in a week, if that.
♪ Sent to heaven on the devil's wings ♪
♪ Couldn't stop her if I tried ♪
♪ Oh, I can't stay away ♪
♪
♪ Oh, I can't stay away ♪
♪
I'm down.
All right, we got a new fan.
If he's doing any live shows, do you want to catch one?
Yeah, let's go.
You roll out?
I'll roll with you.
Oh, I gotta go, too.
Yeah. I'm not gonna roll solo.
Try to score some backstage passes and be like--
"Uh, Kiefer, Jake Longstreet from Apple Music."
"I noticed in one of your new press shots,
"you're standing in front of a gorgeous Peterbilt 18-wheeler.
"Is that yours?"
[laughs]
"Matter of fact, kid, it is."
Kiefer Southerland is playing Crystal Bay--
What is that, Nevada?
Ground Room. Crystal Bay Club Casino.
Road trip?
Then he's playing the Coach House at San Juan Capistrano, San Diego.
This guy's doing, like, a little summer--
Club tour? I love to think about him touring.
Even just, like, really nerdy, like, 24 fans,
there's gotta be, right?
He probably gets some mechs.
Yeah, that are just, like, there in the front.
Season 7 of 24.
Yeah, he's probably-- afterwards, people are, like, talking to him,
and he's talking to some real country head who's just like,
"You know, Kiefer, I could hear some of the influences, man.
"Man, you sound like you've been listening to a little '38 special,"
and he's like, "I'm glad you caught that, man, blah, blah."
And then some other guy comes up, like,
"Will you sign this Jack Bauer limited-edition promotional baseball cap?"
And Kiefer's just like, "Jesus Christ, you'll have to excuse me."
Or maybe he's into it. I don't know.
Season 7, when those warlords are tunneling into the White House.
Yeah.
Just amazing.
A lot of designated survivor.
Just in between songs.
Whoo! Designated survivor!
[laughs]
That is the call-out.
Yeah, just whatever, like, you're into it.
Hey, you know what?
As we say in the business, it's a good problem to have.
Yeah.
♪ I'm going down in the Feather River Canyon ♪
♪ Gotta go down, got her summer's clothes ♪
♪ Another 80 miles, and I'm sure lonesome ♪
♪ 'Cause I'll be late getting home ♪
♪ Roll truck, roll, take me to my baby ♪
♪ I'm tired of being alone ♪
♪ Roll truck, roll, I wanna see my baby ♪
♪ Roll truck, roll me on home ♪
Time Crisis.
So, a couple episodes ago, we were talking about Avengers Infinity War.
And actually, I've seen that it's become a meme about people riffing on the idea that
Avengers Infinity War is the most ambitious crossover event in history.
And people do these memes where they're like, "Well, what about this?"
And show some funny thing.
Right.
And we were talking about what I still think is a great idea.
Oh, that's right. That's right.
We should write a 1,000 to 1,500-page giant novel that's a crossover event
using classic '90s New York TV shows.
And we're talking about Sex and the City, Friends, Seinfeld, just to start.
And if we wanted to start throwing in Mad About You and things, you know, whatever.
But we could have a face-off between Kramer and Chandler, things of that nature.
George dating Cynthia Nixon's character.
Yeah, exactly.
Miranda.
Yeah.
I recently watched the first three episodes, season one, Sex and the City.
Oh, really? Because--
Hannah fired him up.
You've never seen it before?
No, I had years ago, but--
Just getting back in, revisiting--
She was just like, "You know what? I'm re-watching this entire series."
Maybe I should watch it. I've only caught a few episodes here and there.
Held up.
Still a good program?
Yeah.
I want to check it out.
Separate show, maybe, where we do a recap on every Sex and the City episode.
We've been talking about whether or not we should start a podcast to supplement our internet radio show.
And I've noticed that a lot of the podcasts that really have legs are about some existing IP.
I remember we had Demi on. He came on the show in the early days.
And he used to have this huge podcast called Gilmore Guys.
Is that over?
Yeah, they wrapped it up.
Because they did the whole series.
And I think they just want to go out on top.
But they were doing live podcasts in front of sold-out theaters.
Yeah, no, exactly.
We're talking about Season 5, Episode 6.
And also, he's just a talented, funny guy.
So, obviously, that helps.
Of course.
Clearly, they tapped into some.
There's a lot of people who wanted to enjoy this meta-conversation about Gilmore Girls.
And I'm sure there is one for Sex and the City.
Probably multiple.
Yeah.
That's a crowded field.
There probably are multiple ones that are even branded as like, "Hey, listen. We're just two regular guys.
Our girlfriends love this show. We never actually watched it.
It's going to be hilarious. Just two regular guys watching a show that on the surface seems like it's made for women."
Very touching, though.
At first, I thought the shoes and the shopping, I wasn't going to relate to it.
But you know, at the end of the day, it's a show about people.
It's about love. It's about heartbreak.
Just human beings.
That's me and your Sex and the City podcast.
Anyway, we were talking about doing an ambitious crossover event.
Yeah.
Similar to Avengers Infinity War, except it would be a novel about New York '90s shows.
And I was ready to invest out of pocket a significant amount of money in this.
Because, you know, I'm a musician first and foremost, but I'm also a businessman.
And when I come across a great idea, I know you've got to spend money to make money.
So I was ready to take a significant portion of my life savings and put it into this.
Because I think the profit could be outrageous.
Better than the stock market.
I mean, let's say this book sold 10 million copies.
I like where your head's at.
Every dollar you put in, especially if we didn't team up with a book company.
Oh, self-publish.
Self-publish.
We could be selling PDFs online.
We could do promo on the show here.
We could get Seinfeld--you could be in charge of actually doing the shipping of the physical things.
Bottom of the totem pole.
I thought Seinfeld was going to do the social media aspects.
But also the physical warehousing.
I mean, I assume I'd be a collaborator as well on the actual creative part of this project.
Sure, but I'm saying we already pay you to do social media.
So we wouldn't have to incur any extra costs by just adding a few things.
Fair.
You could run the warehouse.
So anyway.
Are you a certified forklift operator?
I could be.
I think it's fair that you pay for your forklift certification just because after we sell the 10 million copies,
we just taught Amanda Fish.
You'll be taking that forklift certification with you to future jobs.
So the idea that we have to pay for it doesn't seem fair.
I assume that's a tax write-off anyway.
Oh yeah, of course.
That's between you and the IRS.
The issue with it is that as much as people love ambitious crossover events,
clearly, as we can see in the culture right now, you need to own the IP.
And in the case of the Avengers movie, Disney owns Marvel now.
That's all under one umbrella.
So Disney owns Black Panther.
They own Iron Man.
Spider-Man.
They own Spider-Man.
Wonder Woman.
Superman.
No.
Okay, I was just testing you, Jake.
Nice, dude. Nice.
Wonder Woman and Superman are from the DCU.
Okay.
The DC Comics universe.
They should just merge, right?
What's stopping them at this point?
Did you mention congressional hearings?
We don't want monopolies in the comic book industry.
Bernie Sanders just grilling Bob Iger.
You're telling me you want to own Batman and Iron Man under the same roof?
I enjoyed Avengers Affinity War as much as the next guy.
And, of course, who hasn't dreamed of seeing Hawkeye and Aquaman in the same cinematic universe?
But in the spirit of competition and a thriving marketplace that this country was built on,
we cannot have the DCU and the MCU merge.
And then just, like, some, like, paid-off Republican senator.
[laughs]
Well, what my colleague from Vermont fails to understand is that this is just business.
You think in China they're worrying about Aquaman and Hawkeye coming together in one universe?
Far from it.
We just want to offer consumers the best options available.
Yeah.
He's on the payroll.
The antitrust.
Yo, that'd be crazy.
I wonder if they've thought about it and they've actually decided that keeping separate is actually more advantageous.
Or it's a long game thing.
Disney, like, quietly buys DC through a shell corporation.
And then little by little they just kind of tease it.
But anyway, for our novel, novels and films are different.
Let's break this down.
Let's break it down.
They're two different art forms and the laws apply differently.
For whatever reason, in a novel you're allowed to, especially under the guise of satire,
you're allowed to reference a character or something.
Right.
But in films, not so.
In fact, I was thinking about this.
After we had this discussion, my sister invited me to see the film Ready Player One.
Are you familiar with this?
I'm familiar.
I've not seen it.
It's the new Steven Spielberg movie.
Ready Player One, if you don't know what it's about, it is an ambitious crossover event of its own
because it all takes place in a VR world that was designed by a guy, a creator who grew up in the '80s
and was obsessed with comic books and action movies.
Back to the future and stuff.
Yeah, like nerdy stuff.
So you see all these familiar faces and the people in the VR world will use avatars of famous characters.
Somebody will be riding the bike from Akira.
At one point I saw a Battletoad, which is a very deep cut '90s reference.
The Iron Giant is in it.
It's just a lot of stuff, some superheroes.
Then I was reading about it that Ready Player One is based on a novel.
In the novel, the guy just went crazy.
He's referencing video games and characters from just everything he could think of.
So he had more leeway with the novel.
He had more leeway because he wrote a novel.
Then when they made the film, and you know Steven Spielberg, he's a major dude, in Hollywood at least.
When he rides his Harley a couple hours out to Bakersfield, I don't know if they roll out the red carpet for him,
but in Hollywood he's a major dude.
So he knew that he was going to make this movie.
So he was savvy about which IP he could get under the umbrella of the studio he was doing and who he could reach out to.
They had to change a few things for the film.
So anyway, when we were talking about our ambitious crossover event novel,
we asked if there were any lawyers who listened to Time Crisis,
and if they could hit us up about it, if they knew anything about IP.
We got one from a guy named Riley Andrews.
He's trying to school us a little bit about can we call this a parody,
can we reference Samantha and Rachel and Elaine Bennis with impunity in our kind of satirical novel.
And it's going to be satirical, but it's going to have a little heart too.
So this is what Riley Andrews had to say.
Let's go to the Time Crisis mailbag.
Seinfeld Ezra and Jake.
To begin, while I am a practicing attorney, I am not an IP attorney.
So I must clearly state that I cannot give legal advice on the subject.
Very lawyerly.
Yup.
With that being said, I did take an excellent copyright course in school a few years back,
and would be willing to give you some excerpts from the study guide I made.
In the case of Campbell vs. Acuff-Rose Music,
it was determined that 2 Live Crew's song "Pretty Woman" was indeed a parody of the Roy Orbison song "Oh Pretty Woman."
It is uncontested that the song would be an infringement, but for a finding of fair use through parody.
2 Live Crew departs markedly from the original lyrics and produced many different sounds from the original song.
Therefore, the original song was transformed.
So everybody knows Roy Orbison, "Pretty Woman."
Of course.
Pretty woman.
And then 2 Live Crew was an early 90s rap group that was known for having very raw and dirty lyrics.
So just so people know what we're talking about, the original Roy Orbison song from the 60s sounds like this.
Pretty woman, walking down the street.
Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet.
Pretty woman, I'm gonna find you.
This is much faster than I remember it being.
In my head it's sort of like a ballad because it's so pretty.
The melodies, you know.
This is a fun song.
It's like real fast.
Pretty woman, won't you pardon me?
Pretty woman, I couldn't help but see.
Pretty woman, you look lovely as can be.
Are you lonely just like me?
Wow.
Pretty woman, stop awhile.
Pretty woman, talk awhile.
Pretty woman, give your smile to me.
So you get the idea.
That's the original Roy Orbison song, "Pretty Woman."
And then a while later, 2 Live Crew made their song called "Pretty Woman."
It sounds like this.
Pretty woman, walking down the street.
Pretty woman, girl, girl, you look so sweet.
Pretty woman, you bring me down to that knee.
Pretty woman, you make the water beg, please.
Pretty woman, big hairy woman.
Hairy?
Big hairy woman.
You know I bet it's tough.
Big hairy woman.
All that hair, it ain't legit.
'Cause you look like cousin A.
Rough stuff.
Well, they're talking about some real [bleep] Jake.
We live in a society where people judge each other on their appearances.
And Roy Orbison, he was calling her a pretty woman.
They're calling her a hairy woman.
Is it called hairy woman?
That's what they say.
But I guess in this court case, the judge said that 2 Live Crew was making a parody.
Yeah.
I mean obviously.
But I guess clearly they use a lot of elements.
So the publisher of Pretty Woman was suing 2 Live Crew.
Yeah.
So Riley goes on to say, "The character and use of the new work alters the original work with new meaning expression.
A parody only works if you imitate the original.
Thus, many similarities must be allowed."
And this is interesting.
I didn't know this.
"While parody uses the thing it's copying to make fun of the thing itself, which is okay,
satire is when one copies something in order to make fun of something else, which is not allowed."
Okay.
Wow, that's a distinction.
That's also funny that the law has to weigh in where somebody would be like--
the publisher of Pretty Woman would be like, "Judge, they weren't making fun of our song.
They were making fun of hairy women.
They were using our song to make fun of hairy women."
And then the lawyer was like, "No, no.
They were making fun of the original conceit of the song Pretty Woman by changing those lyrics."
And the judge is like, "I got to go to live crew on this one.
They were roasting the s--t out of that Roy Orbison song."
It's like such a weird thing for--
Oh, my--yeah.
Anyway, he talks about another case, the case of Rogers versus Coons.
I believe that's Jeff Coons.
The plaintiff is a professional photographer who took a photo of two people holding a line of puppies.
The defendant is an artist who admits to purchasing note cards with the photo on it.
The defendant tells the artist who worked for him to create a sculpture that looks like the plaintiff's original puppy photo.
This is determined to be a derivative work.
The defendant attempts to claim this is a parody of Society at Large, but this explanation sounds more like satire.
Therefore, the defendant loses here while two live crew is successful in their parody argument.
So Coons' lawyer wasn't up on that distinction.
Jeff Coons' lawyer was like, "Yeah, just say it's a parody of Society at Large.
No problem."
And they're like, "Oh, well, that doesn't work."
That's a satire.
Yeah, also, I guess it's probably a little harder for two live crew to say we were making a parody of a famous Roy Orbison song.
It's easier to accept than Jeff Coons being like, "Oh, yeah.
I just really wanted to take an obscure postcard that I found down a peg by making a statue of it."
I also like the way Riley signed his email.
Riley, Wilmington, North Carolina, one fridge owner.
Well, Riley, law can be a very lucrative profession.
I bet you have two fridges before you know it.
I wanna tell you this, for a while, I like your fake blue eyes and your chill style.
So let's go for a walk through the park.
You can suss my head in the dark and just do what I ask.
It's been dope, so let me ride you backside like dogs do each other.
I know that you're with it, so don't start throttling.
I don't wanna be your man, I wanna move something.
You're listening to Time Crisis on Beat One.
Don't you think it's weird, man, that the government should be like telling us
what is and is not parody?
Well, yes, when you put it that way.
But it's really more a function of someone bringing suit against someone else
and someone has to arbitrate, right?
I mean, there should be a structure for someone to call someone out if they're getting ripped off.
But it's weird with art.
If I'm like manufacturing some product and then someone rips my idea off
and is manufacturing the exact same product that I have a patent on,
then, yeah, you should be able to sue them, right?
But if you wrote a song, the art is very tricky.
You know, it's also funny, like we were kind of joking before about
if there's a congressional hearing about the Marvel Cinematic Universe
merging with the DC Universe.
Because the government technically does have a point of view about ownership of art
and that's in the form of copyright.
Because copyrights don't last forever.
Right, that's true.
And it's been an issue because back in the day, I don't know how long a copyright lasted, 50, 60 years?
Yes, I think a little longer, but yeah.
But there's so many things and they always are extending.
Well, Mickey Mouse, right?
Yeah, so people call that the Mickey Mouse thing because basically,
Disney is such a powerful company that every time Mickey Mouse is about to go into the public domain
or whatever you call it, they have an insane amount of pressure that they can put on Congress
to extend copyrights.
Well, first of all, some people would say, "Well, why shouldn't copyrights last forever?"
I think one of the arguments is that ultimately people recognize that there's a social benefit
if things like ideas and art at some point become property of humanity.
Right.
For instance, imagine if the Bach or the Mozart family still owned that [expletive]
and every time there was like an orchestra wanting to perform a piece of work from Mozart
or somebody wanted to take a chord progression from Mozart or have some inspiration or riff on Mozart,
they had to go get the permission of a family that's been owning it for hundreds of years.
I understand the emotional idea of that.
After you die, somebody wants to be able to protect your legacy for the next 30, 40 years or something.
Yeah.
Maybe even considers that their inheritance is your body of work.
But then as you start to get further from that, then picture like your grandchildren
selling it to like a multinational corporation or something and them owning it for 100 years.
And we're really starting to approach 100 years with Disney continuing to push this [expletive]
and then you would have situations like the 10th great-grandson of somebody from the 19th century
owning that and having control over it.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's great-great-grandson still owning Sherlock Holmes.
Chad Shakespeare, USC fraternity brother.
Oh, my family's rich as [expletive]
You ever read Romeo and Juliet in high school?
Yeah, well.
My great-great-great-great-grandfather wrote that.
When your school bought those 50 [expletive] paperback copies of Romeo and Juliet,
then we went straight to my family.
And look, I like this idea that it's like temporary.
I would like to leave to my family my vast holdings of Vampire Weekend Publishing for a little bit.
Fast.
Three albums, man.
What about the, um, the, like, Coca-Cola recipe?
Is that going to become public domain?
Or is it just for works of art?
I think patents expire, too.
This also gets to some crazy [expletive] too, is, like, think about the ways that pharmaceutical companies
can exert their crazy ownership over this [expletive]
and, you know, they make the case, listen.
R&D?
R&D. We spent billions of dollars developing this cure,
and now what, we're just going to give it out to, like, poor people who are dying from XYZ?
Okay.
That's a type of argument.
But just imagine if, like, yeah, something older, like,
Marie Curie was just, like, patented the concept of radiation, like, it's, like, some broad sense.
Or somebody patented, like, penicillin.
If you really go down the line, you can really start to, like, withhold that stuff and just, like, milk people for,
I mean, that's different, but.
Yeah, because something like Tylenol, this is so weird and deep.
Something like Tylenol, you can make, like, a, I don't see, yeah, I don't know what we're talking,
at this point I'm off the deep end with what we're talking about because.
Well, we're just talking about, like, actually, you know what,
Kanye recently tweeted something similar about this.
He got back on Twitter and he's been kind of typing almost like a book of philosophy.
Wow.
Just saying a lot of things that he thinks.
Kanye is considered one of the greatest creators of his generation.
Yep.
But he's also a very collaborative person.
He works with a lot of people.
He samples a lot of music.
Yeah, for sure.
Kanye is not the artistic, cultural products of Kanye West
are the blood, sweat, and tears of hundreds of people.
But, you know, Kanye's at the helm.
I'm not taking anything away from him, but he's a collaborative person.
So he says this, "Too much emphasis is put on originality.
Feel free to take ideas and update them at your will.
All great artists take and update."
Some people would also make the case that just human culture and art
is about ideas being flipped and transformed.
Totally.
You know, what most people call, like, their cultural background
are these ancient ideas that really have been developed over thousands of years and changed.
So Kanye says he thinks too much emphasis is put on originality.
Cars have four wheels.
Hoodies have hoods.
It's amusing to me when someone says this is an original hoodie.
Bro, it's a hoodie.
Yeah.
He says, "I find myself getting stuck in the idea of originality
and letting my ego push me to say things like, 'This person stole from me.'
And the funny thing is, it'll be a reference I took from somewhere."
Let's be less concerned with ownership of ideas.
It is important that ideas see the light of day,
even if you don't get the credit for them.
Let's be less concerned with credit awards and external validation.
This is still Kanye?
Yeah.
Wow.
It has a lot to do with what we're talking about.
So I can picture it.
We're up there, and we're saying, "Yes, we did not create the character of Chandler,
nor did we create the character of Kramer.
But whoever owns that s--t, NBC, you're so concerned with the ownership of ideas.
It's important that the Kramer versus Chandler epic flying battle through New York City took place.
Yes, you're not getting credit for it in the sense that we're not paying you for it,
but shouldn't we just all be glad as human beings that the 80-page description
of the Chandler versus Kramer final battle, in which one of them dies, I won't say which,
shouldn't we just be glad that that exists, that it saw the light of the day?
You still own Seinfeld.
You still own Friends.
Kanye West would agree with us, I'd like to think.
I'm living in the 21st century, doing something mean to it,
doing better than anybody I've ever seen do it.
Screaming from the haters, got a nice ring to it.
I guess every super hit don't need his fame music.
No one man should have all that power.
The clock's ticking, I just count the hours.
Stop tripping, I'm tripping off the power.
21st century shit's on the line.
The system's broken, the schools closed, the prisons open.
We ain't got nothing to lose, everybody we rolling.
Everybody we rolling.
With some light-skinned girls and some Kelly Rollins.
In this white man world, we the ones chosen.
So goodnight, cruel world, I'll see you in the morning.
I'll see you in the morning.
This is way too much, I need a moment.
No one man should have all that power.
The clock's ticking, I just count the hours.
Stop tripping, I'm tripping off the power.
Tear in, that's the world's hours.
And let me hear you, and let me hear you.
And let me hear you, and let me hear you.
21st century shit's on the line.
The personnel and the whole cast.
Telling me they said they could kiss my whole ass.
More specifically, they could kiss my ass.
I'm an ass, you got drugs.
You sure mind if I start with Napoleon?
My first is Mongolia, my ice brought the goldies.
And I embody every characteristic of the egotistic.
He know he's so fucking gifted.
I just needed time alone with my own thoughts.
Got treasures in my mind but couldn't open up my own vault.
My talent, creativity, purity, and honesty is honestly.
Being crowded by these grown thoughts.
Reality is catching up with me.
Taking my inner child, I'm fighting for custody.
But these responsibilities, if they entrusted me.
As I look down at my diamond, it crushed the peace.
Thinking no one man should have all that power.
The clock's ticking, I just count the hours.
Stop tripping, I'm tripping off the powder.
Tear them, get the world's hours.
In my name, in my name, in my name, in my name.
In my name, in my name, in my name.
20% change, it's all good.
Powers, powers, Austin, powers.
Lost in translation with a whole fucking nation.
They say I was the Obama nation of Obama's nation.
Well, that's a pretty bad way to start the conversation.
At the end of the day, God, I'm killing this shit.
I know damn well y'all feeling this shit.
I don't need your shit, I'm on my own.
I ain't got a power chip.
Who you going home with?
How you doing?
I'm surviving.
I was drinking earlier.
Now I'm driving.
What a bad time.
Where y'all hiding?
I got the power, make your life so exciting.
Suicide, suicide, suicide, suicide, suicide, suicide.
Letting everything go, letting everything go.
Oh, now this will be a beautiful death.
Jumping out the window, letting everything go,
letting everything go.
Now this will be a beautiful death.
Jumping out the window, letting everything go,
letting everything go.
You got the power to let power go.
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go,
let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go,
let it go.
90% chance it's all good.
I got an idea.
Yeah.
You know, I'm kind of making this up as it comes along.
All right.
But we write, produce, and manufacture that novel
on an artificial island in international waters.
Mm.
Ooh-hoo.
You have to order it, but you order it from international waters.
They can't really touch us.
But I could totally picture NBC.
That's a big company.
Jerry Seinfeld, he's a major player, at least in the New York area.
They could pull some strings to make sure that our books don't make it through customs.
They would send Blackwater after us, dude.
Yeah, that's right.
We're thinking too analog about this, maybe.
They could invade our little island.
You know, it's funny.
I was also thinking about international islands.
I love that Time Crisis is becoming just like a totally inept, like, inventions show,
just like pitching ideas.
It's like a really bad shark tank.
[laughter]
I had an idea that I actually think is good.
And actually, Seinfeld, it also involves an island in international waters.
And truthfully, in this world, I'm not going to hold my breath to believe that even if
we pitch in all our money and buy an island and make our own nation, that that's going
to stop us from, you know, Uncle Sam putting his f***ing combat boot on our throat, because
that's how they roll.
You can't really get away from the global imperialist machine.
But anyway, this is my other idea that involves an island in international waters.
I watched the movie Icarus.
What's that?
Icarus is a Netflix documentary that won Best Documentary at the last Academy Awards.
And it's about a dude who's a big biking enthusiast.
He's like an almost pro kind of amateur dude.
Like bicycling?
Yeah, bicycling.
And he's like very interested in the whole Lance Armstrong thing.
And basically, the initial conceit of the movie is that he's going to try to take those
drugs, performance enhancing drugs, and see what happens.
He's in this kind of like amateur, serious amateur race.
Can he skirt by?
And then he meets the Russian dude who's part of the doping program and blah, blah, blah.
So this is like a big film in that it kind of told the story of how the Russians got,
you know, kicked out of the Olympics.
And I'm watching the whole thing.
And I know people really like that movie, but we were watching it at home and I was
just like, who cares?
You know, it's like sometimes I feel that way.
What about doping?
Yeah, some part of me, because like, you know, also the movie is like very dramatic.
It's just like the Olympic Council has decided to ban Russia from the games.
Yeah.
And then this guy's like, this goes all the way to Vladimir Putin.
Putin himself is in charge of the doping program.
You're talking about it like it's spy s***.
Right.
And there's some part of me that's like, maybe just because I'm not much of an athlete.
You're not a sports fan.
I'm not much of a sports fan.
So maybe I don't have that ingrained sense of like, holy s***.
This incredibly important thing was undermined by evil Russians.
The purity of the sport.
Yeah.
So I was kind of like, but what do they do?
Injected themselves with some s*** to get better at sports?
Like, all right.
I agree completely.
So anyway, and then I even think back in the night, remember people made this big deal
about Mark McGuire taking creatine?
Yeah.
Barry Bonds, I mean, so, so all those guys.
Give us a f***.
Why don't we ban protein powder too?
I agree completely.
Those guys bulldoze through the records.
Here we are talking baseball again.
This is an insane idea.
They're not in the hall of fame.
I just want to shout out to anybody who's still listening to this episode.
Yeah.
Because this is a real psycho episode.
This was a weird episode.
This is maybe the weirdest TC yet.
This is a very weird TC.
Five inception layers deep right now.
Those guys bulldoze through the home run records.
And then it's revealed that they were doping, taking steroids.
And now we're in this like weird gray area of like, well, they're not in the hall of fame.
Are those records legitimate?
It's like, yeah, they're legitimate.
It happened.
Right.
And, you know, players in the fifties were smoking cigarettes and eating hot dogs all day.
Yeah.
They didn't perform as well.
Of course.
It's sort of like.
It has come to light that during the recording of Fleetwood Mac's Rumors,
the band was using substances such as cocaine, marijuana, and creatine powder.
And creatine powder.
Stevie was juicing.
In light of this, the RAA has decided to strip them of their double diamond status.
If you wake up, don't smile.
If you take just a little while.
Open your eyes, forget the day.
You'll see things in a different way.
Don't stop thinking about tomorrow.
Don't stop.
It'll soon be here.
It'll be here better than before.
Yesterday's gone.
Yesterday's gone.
I'm sure there's like a probably hardcore moral argument to make against what I'm saying.
But anyway, I'm thinking about this.
And I'm just seeing these people talking about these poor Russians Vladimir Putin.
And I just feel bad for them.
Although they did get to wear those cool Olympic athlete from Russia uniforms.
They're actually cooler than wearing the Russian uniform in the last Olympics.
They still let them come.
They just couldn't wear their flag.
It's all crazy when you think about it.
The Olympics are whack.
Because people from that country injected themselves with steroids.
The next batch of people from that country can't have the flag on their uniform.
Speaking of weird congressional things too.
Remember when Mark McGuire was in Congress in tears?
Wearing a suit that was too small with this huge goatee.
Just like weeping.
And also, now is creatine considered chill?
There's so much more hardcore sh*t.
But anyway, this is my idea.
So I'm watching this and I'm feeling bad for all these guys.
Because I'm like, you know what?
You know that I believe that the war on drugs is crazy.
And that we got to be able to strike a better balance between personal liberty and protecting lives.
And so I'm watching this and I just feel bad for all these athletes who are maybe just consider themselves a bit of an athlete scientist.
And they just want to see how good they can get with this sh*t.
And I'm like, the Olympics are square man.
We should buy an island.
And we should start the juice games.
Where you can come and you can set up track and field, biking, whatever.
We'll do all the sports.
And we'll say, listen.
This is for people who are interested in the intersection of science and athletics.
You take whatever the f*ck you want.
You want to do a rail and then hit the half pipe?
You can do that.
This is sounding like a Diet Coke commercial.
Yeah.
You want to pound a Diet Coke.
Inject yourself with human growth hormone.
Then run a marathon?
Why not?
Diet Coke.
Because I can.
So we're going to partner with Diet Coke and bring it to a lawless island in the middle of the ocean.
It would be also a little bit like Bloodsport.
That movie where they just invite people for like a secretive combat, you know, to the death thing.
I just like, you know what?
If there's people who want to just like try, they shouldn't be shamed for it.
I understand the argument that they're not the best role models.
For sure.
I can imagine if you have a kid in Little League and you're concerned about their health,
you probably don't want them at 10 or 11 years old fantasizing about using steroids.
I get that.
Of course.
I don't want any angry letters from parents.
I understand that.
But I just feel like on some just like crazy sh*t, like let these crazy people from all around the world roll up,
do their drugs, and compete.
Maybe we'll be like shattering records.
That'd be interesting, right?
Absolutely.
And then we can have two columns.
We can be like the juice columns.
This guy ran a one second mile.
[Laughter]
What's a really fast mile? Is it three minutes?
3.47.
I feel like humans have sort of peaked out around there.
3.46, something like that.
Wouldn't it be interesting to see how much faster we can get?
Yeah, that would be crazy.
And I also think--
Take HGH and like do a rail coke and pound a Diet Coke and run it in like 3.20.
Why not?
Beats one.
Ezra Koenig's Time Crisis.
And again, I'm not recommending that people take steroids.
I have no interest in it myself at this current juncture.
No, it should be for people who are already at a very elite level and need the edge.
It's not for a high school player that like thinks he can maybe make the college team.
No, no, no.
You know, I was texting with my dad about-- I was pitching him my idea.
About the steroids island?
Yeah.
[Laughter]
It was like-- I forget what we were talking about, but it made me think of it.
And I was like, "Hey, what do you think of this?"
And then he's--
Very long text to your dad.
Okay, dad, picture an island in international waters.
[Laughter]
And he's always been like interested in bodybuilding.
Really?
Yeah, well, he's in good shape.
He like works out.
And then even back in the day--
That's tight.
We had Pumping Iron, the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie on VHS.
Great doc.
He's always had like a passing interest in it, but he said there's--
It's basically the Wild West in that world.
And he said it's kind of f---ed up because like, you know, people burn bright and fade out.
But if you look at some of these pictures of these like crazy juice heads,
I'm operating under the assumption that they're making these choices of their own volition
and they know the pros and cons.
You know, I understand that that's an important part of the argument.
Yeah, because we are getting into dicey territory, but finish your thought.
We're getting into dicey territory, but again, you ever got like 7-Eleven
and you just like see the cover of a bodybuilding magazine and you just look at the person?
You're just like, "What the hell?"
Is it real?
Right.
Is that a real human being?
Like a place where you literally don't have a muscle and that person has a muscle the size of a Monster Energy drink.
Right.
In the neck area, for instance.
Right.
There's muscles on top of muscles.
It's interesting because the crazy--and I'm not talking about just like, you know, people in great shape.
You know what I'm talking about.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And the language they use on the cover just like, "Here's a real monster.
He's scary."
And you look at them and it's funny.
They're so big that they almost stop looking strong.
They start to look like a character from Adventureland or something.
Like a weird cartoon.
Or like a weird pug or something.
Well, because they're so jacked that it's beyond--
Functional.
It's beyond functional.
And so you even wonder like, "Can I take that guy?"
He's so jacked it must be hard to move his arms around.
But anyway, the one thing--
"Can I take that guy?"
Or like I'd almost rather fight that guy than like an NFL player.
Right.
Think I feel you on that?
I'm talking about the really scary dudes.
And these are the guys whose arms--
You think about fighting?
Every day.
Not in an aggressive way, in a defensive way.
Well, this is funny we're getting into this because on the flip side is the NFL.
People are all like freaked out about people getting concussions and brain injuries having long-term--
Well, you know what?
Because the NFL is dishonest about it.
Right.
On Juice Island, we're very honest about it.
So it's going to get to that point though where it's like, "Okay, if you play professional football or college football, strap in.
It's going to be like really dangerous.
You're risking your long-term health here."
Yeah, and you see--
I guess it gets to a point where it's like--
And you see players walking away.
People are great at it.
Yep.
I'm going to put a sports talk on TC.
Let's get Mike Francesco on the line.
But so my point is that you see these guys.
These are just absolute monster men.
Yeah.
So jacked beyond the point of functionality.
And on one level, some people recoil because they've never seen anything like it.
But there's also a part of me that I don't know.
Like we do random ass sh--, making music, making paintings.
People got to do what they want to do.
And I see these guys and I'm like, "They chose to do something which has pushed the limits of what the human body can look like and how big muscles can grow."
And they're kind of like astronauts in a way.
They're adventurers, you know?
They're dedicating their life in maybe a weird way to like seeing what happens.
And there is something fascinating about it.
And I respect those guys.
Taking much bigger risks than we are.
Yeah, I know.
And at the end of the day, it takes a village.
It takes all kinds, man.
So there's some part of me that's like, as much as, yes, I understand that you don't want your 12-year-old child getting excited about juicing.
But there's just some part of me that's like, I don't know.
I admire the dreamers.
The risk takers.
Just imagine like in an Apple commercial or something instead of being like Einstein and John Lennon.
It was just like the most jacked dude ever.
See, what's messed up is we don't even know that guy's name.
No.
You got to respect people who push to a new place that nobody's gone before, especially if they're doing it on their own because that's a lonely journey.
Just like going up to the moon, you know, is lonely.
Being that guy, that person who pushes their body to the most jackedest, shreddedest that has ever been.
So here's to the dreamers.
The people who heard no and kept going.
Just like Mark McGrath, Vladimir Putin.
Also, I love that.
That's just like such a classic contradiction of like advertising is so many of the things that we used to describe like believing in yourself.
Also described psychotic sociopathic behavior.
Here's to the dreamers.
Right.
The people who busted down a door.
People who kept going in the face of all the information of the contrary.
Truly delusional.
Yeah, truly delusional.
But they pushed and pushed and they became the one in 10 million who actually did it.
The odds are not in your favor at all, but be inspired by them.
Drop a four and a half 150.
Get in.
Don't stop me 'cause I'm having a good time, having a good time.
I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky like a tiger defying the laws of gravity.
I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva.
I'm gonna go, go, go.
There's no stopping me.
I'm burning through the sky.
200 degrees, that's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit.
I'm traveling at the speed of light.
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you.
Don't stop me now.
I'm having such a good time.
I'm having a ball.
Don't stop me now.
If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call.
Don't stop me now.
'Cause I'm having a good time.
Don't stop me now.
I'm having a good time.
I don't wanna stop at all.
So anyway, how much does an island cost?
Seinfeld, can you get a number crunch on that?
Have you been looking at islands this time?
Yeah, I've been shopping for islands.
Let's see.
Wait, but I got a question.
This is gonna be an unpopular idea, right?
Probably gonna get some pushback.
Steroid Island?
Yeah.
I honestly can't tell.
Is Steroid Island gonna be a--
'Cause what, do people accuse you of glamorizing steroids?
Is that the issue?
Like, if you actually did, or what we're talking about?
Let's say on the next Time Crisis we're like,
"Hey guys, good news.
We talked to Elon Musk and we--"
He's in.
"We bought a small island.
It's now its own territory,
and we're starting Steroid Island."
People would probably be mad, right?
Yeah, but it might be just a thing of, like, taste.
If someone did that, I don't think I would really tune in.
It's not really, like, my cup of tea.
Really?
No.
Oh, you're kind of my target demo.
I'm not really, like, an MMA guy.
I mean, those guys aren't doing roids.
Oh, maybe they are.
I don't even know.
But that's just, like, no-holds-barred,
like, just, like, go for it kind of stuff.
Wow.
According to cnnmoney.com,
you can get an island for under $100,000.
Okay, but this has to be a sizable island.
We need infrastructure.
We're talking 16 acres here.
Where, dude?
16 acres.
Apparently this guy Boris Renglinghaus
bought a 16-acre island in Nova Scotia, Canada, for 60K.
So that's probably really cold, like, 10 months of the year.
In Prague, you're still bound by the laws of Canada.
We might have to buy it and secede from Canada.
There you go.
I mean, $60,000.
We could raise that.
Time crisis Kickstarter?
A time crisis Kickstarter.
Stay Rhode Island.
Are you tired of elite athletes being told
what they can and cannot put in their bodies?
[laughter]
Oh, my God.
You know what?
Also, I'm so deeply uninterested in sports,
I don't know why I'm fired up about this one.
Maybe we got to talk to some athletes and just be like,
"Would this be of interest to you?"
Because I don't want to spend all this money
and then nobody shows up.
But, you know, there's, like, that--
If you build it.
I'm just saying there's so many things
that people are allowed to do.
Eat terrible food, make shady investments,
or, like, you know, the Isle of Man,
they have this really fast, like, motorcycle race.
Oh, wow.
And somebody dies basically every year.
Sure.
You watch the videos of people watching it,
it's like--it's so psycho how fast these guys go.
Wow.
And they're just on bikes.
I don't know if they're hitting, like, 200 miles an hour.
It's scary.
Like a motorcycle's.
Yeah, but, you know, not like--
not like a Harley, like a--
Yeah, like a small, like, dirt bike or something.
A Kawasaki or--I don't know.
I don't know what you'd call it.
But it's--you know, these guys are going fast,
so people die.
And one person dies at a nightclub,
sometimes they shut it down.
People taking drugs here, and one person died.
You know?
You want consistency.
I just want consistency.
I'm starting to think that a lawless island
could be very useful.
[hip-hop music]
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- You're listening to...
[static]
Time Crisis on Beast 1.
[electronic music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ This little piggy got a house made of bricks ♪
♪ Hand over hand over hand over fist ♪
♪ This little piggy got a house made of bricks ♪
♪ Up and pump, sh-ish, you ain't flowing down, sh-ish ♪
♪ This little piggy got a house made of bricks ♪
♪ Hand over hand over hand over fist ♪
♪ This little piggy got a house made of bricks ♪
♪ Up and pump, sh-ish, you ain't flowing down, sh-ish ♪
♪ Running on fumes, walking on coals ♪
♪ Pockets on rope, game pulled out of control ♪
♪ Green means gold, red means gold ♪
♪ I'm colorblind, mother-a-a-a, I don't know ♪
♪ Beat a beat in the block, I'm bleeding and squeezing the juice out ♪
♪ Deezer screaming, "Let's stop," I'm fleaing the scene with the too loud ♪
♪ Money talking, you showing off, then that money talk too loud ♪
♪ Slap a gag order on a Vaudevillian 'cause Benjamin's tongue out ♪
♪ Let their presidents run now, won't be no more discussion ♪
♪ Go so hard in the pain, I'm plugging and busting ♪
♪ Under the bucket and run amok, oh, you're loquace ♪
♪ And dim sum cuts up in public, my cover, they wanna blow it ♪
♪ Not for nothing, you nothing ♪
♪ Stop it, slime, y'all a snot rocket ♪
♪ Got a lot of products stocked in the dockers, that's hot pockets ♪
♪ Fresh out the car wash, still got a dirty trunk ♪
♪ Out for that gold plaque like some old dirty front ♪
♪ This little piggy got a house made of brick ♪
♪ Hand over hand over hand over this ♪
♪ This little piggy got a house made of brick ♪
♪ Puffin' puffs, if you ain't flowing down, shit, look down, shit ♪
♪ This little piggy got a house made of brick ♪
♪ Hand over hand over hand over this ♪
♪ This little piggy got a house made of brick ♪
♪ Puffin' puffs, if you ain't flowing down, shit ♪
- All right, we now got a surprise guest.
All the way from New York City, we got Death Spot out in L.A.
What's up? - Hello.
- How you enjoying L.A.? Such a New York guy.
- I love it here. It's my favorite place to be.
Very happy to be here again.
I come here all the time, strictly for leisure,
because I just love being here.
I love to live here.
Forever.
- Full-time Death Spot in L.A.
Hey, man, might happen.
- What's stopping you?
- Um... - I hate it.
[laughter]
- Nah, it's like I'm not, like,
spiritually grounded enough, I think, to live in L.A. yet.
I don't meditate.
I used to do yoga once a week, but I don't anymore.
Just don't feel like I fit in.
I don't wear flower crowns.
I don't have, like, a flowy dress to put on.
I don't wear fedoras.
- You're describing me to a T.
[laughter]
- I know. I mean, you know, you're at home here.
You're well acclimated, and I guess I envy that a little bit.
And I think I could get there one day.
- Maybe one day.
Well, before you came in, just before we get into the top five,
I just got to ask you, because I'm getting pretty serious
about this idea.
You know, like I said, I'm a musician first,
but a businessman second.
- This will never come up again on a future episode,
I guarantee you.
- No, I'm telling you.
I've been talking about this.
I mentioned it to my dad.
I have mentioned it to Despot before.
But this idea about buying an island and doing--
do whatever you want Olympics, where you can take what you want.
As long as it's, like, under the skin,
you maybe could even do, like, implant, like,
weird robot [bleep] in your body.
But we can discuss that.
But just an island where people can compete
and try to break records by taking whatever they want.
And the reason I want to ask you about this, Despot,
is because you work out religiously.
- I haven't, though, almost the whole time I've been here.
- Okay, but when you're home in New York,
you like to sculpt your body.
- I'm a bodybuilder.
- You're a bodybuilder, basically.
You're in great shape.
- Thanks.
- Every day?
- Every day, yeah.
- Damn.
- You know, you work a different set of muscles each day.
- Copy that.
- People in the gym like to call, like,
shoulders and arms day charms day.
- Really? I've never heard that.
- Me neither until the other day.
- So my question for you, 'cause I was talking about how
I kind of admire, again, I'm not--
- Me.
- Yes, I admire you, but also-- - Thanks.
- Like, you know when you see, like,
the insanely jacked people who clearly must have had
to use some type of substance to get that level of jack?
- Yeah.
- I was saying before that those people
are like body astronauts.
They're pushing into places that we as a human race
have never been before.
But you as somebody who just kind of works out
the old-fashioned way,
do you look down on those people,
or do you admire them too?
- I think I admire them too.
I do think it's brave to, yeah,
enter, like, uncharted body territory.
- Also, I'm not recommending it.
It's risky, right?
- Yeah.
There's breakthroughs in body science,
bodybuilding science, all the time.
HGH now.
- Is HGH illegal?
- I don't think so, no, because it's used, like,
medicinally too, I believe.
And it's also just used as, like, an anti-aging thing
for, like, people who have some money.
- But you probably couldn't use it in the Olympics.
- I don't know, probably not.
But in your Olympics, you could.
- Exactly.
If you want to.
I also think it'd be cool that on Juice Island--
- Wait, but it's all about juice now?
- Well, I don't--I just say--
I don't know about this [bleep]
I'm just picking one at random.
- Right, but your island is about all drugs.
- It's about all drugs.
- Including Diet Coke.
- Diet Coke.
Because I can.
- Let's say after four or five years of this,
and we're shattering records left and right,
and people start to get interested in it.
People start to be like, "Why am I gonna watch the Olympics
when we got dudes running one-minute miles?
We got one-minute miles.
We got dudes bench-pressing 3,000 pounds."
Things of that nature.
That's interesting.
But then I think we're gonna have an interesting second phase,
and that'll be really interesting too.
'Cause maybe you will get somebody who gets so inspired
by these drug users--
- Cyborgs.
- And the cyborgs, that they're like,
"That makes me want to work even harder."
Like maybe, Despot, maybe you come,
and you actually want to compete in something,
but without drugs.
- Yeah, and then if I win, my odds are probably not so great,
'cause I'm competing against these crazy mutants.
- It's probably really hard.
Wait, one last question.
You know when you see the really insanely jacked bodybuilders,
like Beyond?
- Like me.
- Muscles on muscles on muscles.
No, but I'm talking about probably using something,
and it's just Beyond.
And it almost looks like it must be hard for them
to get around, because their arms are so big.
Even the idea of them quickly move,
like boxing would probably be hard for them.
- That's like a common big diesel guy, corny joke,
is that they have to walk through doorways,
sideways, and stuff like that.
They think that's really funny.
- But if you're that big, you probably can't move too fast.
- Yeah, I don't know.
You're probably right.
Never been that big.
- I'm just talking about Beyond,
like the crazy giant guys.
- They have limited mobility.
I mean, they can't even reach up for a glass on a high shelf.
- That's what I'm saying.
Would it be easier to fight one of those guys
than an MMA guy?
- Yes, I think so.
'Cause MMA guys are very fast and still strong,
and they'll just beat you to death.
- All right, I just wanted to check that.
- Yeah.
- Let's represent forever.
♪ Represent forever ♪
- We're gonna represent forever.
- Represent forever.
- I will represent forever.
- Represent forever.
- Yeah.
- Say what?
What you say?
What we do?
Represent?
♪ Any day could be your last in the jungle ♪
♪ Get murdered on the humble ♪
♪ Guns are blasting, it's tumble ♪
♪ Cornice is the hot spot full of criminals ♪
♪ Who don't care, guzzling beer ♪
♪ We all stare at the out-of-tatters ♪
♪ They better break north before we get the four-pounders ♪
♪ Antenic face off the streets is real ♪
♪ Undercover's homicide chasing brothers ♪
♪ D's on the roof trying to watch us and lock us ♪
♪ Kill a coppers coming through in helicopters ♪
♪ Drink a little Bacchus, walk an L and hold a plaque ♪
♪ For the fronters wanna be ill niggas and spot hunters ♪
♪ Thinking it can't happen 'til I trap 'em and clap 'em ♪
♪ And leave 'em done, won't even run about ♪
♪ I don't believe none of that if she effects her backwards ♪
♪ Nas is a rebel from the street corner ♪
♪ Pulling a tank out the dresser ♪
♪ Police got me under pressure ♪
♪ Represent, represent ♪
- Say what?
- Represent, represent.
- Say what?
- Yeah, represent, represent.
Oh, represent, represent.
- It's time for the Top 5.
- It's time for the Top 5.
5 on iTunes.
- So on this week's Top 5,
we're gonna be comparing the Top 5 hits of today
with the Top 5 hits of 1977.
Why?
That's the year Jake was born.
- That's right.
- Also the year Kanye was born.
- That's right. Big year.
- When you look at Kanye, how often when you look at Kanye
do you think like, "All right, '77, guys."
- What year did you graduate high school?
- Somewhat often.
- What year did you graduate high school?
- '95.
- So you ever see like Kanye doing something big,
drops a new sneaker, and you're just like,
"Class of '95, we're doing it."
- I would do that, I guess, if I were you.
- What year were you born?
- '82, the year that the Nike Air Force 1 came out.
- That sounds--
- That's kind of the only thing I associate
with my birth year.
- So let's start with the number 5 song in 1977.
It's the band 10CC.
- Oh. I don't know what that is.
- Their real big hit was "I'm Not in Love."
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- What's this one called?
- This song is called "The Things We Do for Love."
- Okay, I know this. I didn't realize this was that song.
[upbeat music]
- ♪ Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river ♪
♪ Too many lonely signs of trippin' I had to see ♪
- This is cool.
- ♪ You lay your bed to sleep ♪
- This would be playing at, like, my uncle's house
or whatever, by the pool.
- ♪ The things we do for love ♪
- Uncle music.
- Yeah.
- ♪ Communication is the problem to the answer ♪
- What do you really call this type of music?
- Uncle music.
- Beatles ripoff.
- It's like--it doesn't feel like rock.
- ♪ The lines around the things we do for love ♪
- ♪ The things we do for love ♪
- Yeah, I mean, it's like Gilbert O'Sullivan or something.
- I mean, pop?
- Easy listening. It's not really yacht rock.
- But see, that intro was so weird.
- Yeah. Well, 10CC is, like,
a very creative, experimental group.
- Yeah. - At times.
- I mean, real ELO here, too.
- True.
- ♪ Then she says she wants to make up ♪
- ♪ Oh, you make me love you ♪
- You know, one bummer about this type of music,
just, like, '70s-ass pop music,
is it's been so overused in movies,
like, post-Scorsese, post-Paul Thomas Anderson.
- Yeah. - And now, like,
I hear this music, and I can just, like, picture
just, like, some wannabe, like, awards season movie.
- Yeah.
- Just somebody on cocaine in the '70s.
- Yeah. - Just being like...
- I felt-- - ♪ Come on!
- Based on the incredible true story.
- Right. - Yeah.
- I felt that way about "I, Tonya," I gotta say.
- It had a bit of that, yeah.
- They really, like, ripped off that Scorsese aesthetic
of, like, some, like, beautiful Bee Gees ballad.
- With some, like, violent happening.
- Yeah, like her getting out of the car
and slamming the door and, like, screaming at her boyfriend.
- Yeah. You can totally just picture this, like...
- ♪ Surrender right ♪
- Brooklyn, 1977.
Just, like, somebody's face getting beaten with a bat
and just, like, this blasting.
- That's what I was thinking.
Like a car window getting smashed with a bat or whatever.
- Yeah. Play it out, man.
- I didn't see "I, Tonya."
I wanted to. Forgot to do that.
- It's a cool movie. I just-- that was kind of a nitpick.
- I know what you mean. - Yeah, people liked it.
- The number five song of our era...
- Yeah. - Right now on iTunes...
is "Imagine Dragons."
- Really? "Imagination Dragons"?
- "Imagination Dragons."
- These guys... - Thought they were done.
- No, no, no. They're the biggest band in the world right now.
- Really? - Yeah.
- I didn't see them at Coachella.
- Well, they weren't at-- they're too big for Coachella, honestly.
- Oh, okay.
- They could do their own Coachella, probably.
- Imagine...
- Have them play over at Steroid Island.
- Oh, yeah. They would be so sick for Steroid Island.
At the opening ceremony.
- Steroid Island is a sick name for almost anything.
- You know who else is playing Steroid?
Steroid Island is Creed.
- We bring 'em back. - Yeah.
- I want to make a biopic.
Colin Farrell playing late period Scott Stapp.
- That's a great idea. - Stapp or Stapp?
- Stapp. - And it's called Steroid Island.
- Steroid Island.
The best in the world gather.
- Anyway, the number five song right now is "Imagine Dragons."
I feel like we've heard this one a lot lately, Jake.
It's called "Whatever It Takes."
Alec, I think you might like this.
- Ooh. - Because it's kind of a rap song,
as I recall.
- Yeah. - Okay.
- What, you don't like rap anymore? - Rap hybrid.
- I like rap. - All right.
- Well, there was a few problems with you saying that.
[laughter]
- Is this the kind of rap one?
Yeah, okay. - Yeah, I think so.
- The first problem being you're assuming
that I only listen to rap music.
- ♪ Falling too fast to prepare for this ♪
- Oh, come on. - ♪ Tripping to the gills of the dangerous ♪
♪ Everybody circling this vulture breeze ♪
♪ Negative nepotism ♪
♪ Everybody waiting for the fall of Mayne ♪
- You don't expect the flow, right?
- No. - ♪ I was born for this ♪
- ♪ Whip, whip, run me like a racehorse ♪
♪ Hold me like a record ♪
♪ Break me down and build me up ♪
♪ I wanna be the slip, slip word upon your lip, lip ♪
- This week on "Steroid Island."
[laughter]
- Oh, yeah, this is so perfect.
This is, um...
What's that song?
Thinking of another one of their songs?
- This hook is, uh...
It's like a Rihanna song or something.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.
"Umbrella"? - No.
The other one.
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
- Oh, yeah, that sample, that Romanian song.
♪ Numancicus, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
- Yeah, that's it. "Live Your Life," right?
- "Live Your Life," hey. - Yeah, that's what that was.
That sucked. - Whatever it takes,
I'll take whatever drug I need to.
- This is, like, the montage of everybody
getting ready for Steroid Olympics.
- Yeah, they're just shooting steroids into their asses.
- Yeah. - Whatever it takes.
- Weird, like, blood transfusions happening.
- Or this is, like, when they're getting ready for an event
and they have to kill time, then it cuts to Brian Williams
just being, like, "From tragedy to triumph."
[laughter]
- Brian Williams takes the Steroid Islands gig.
- Yeah. [laughter]
Unable to compete in the Olympics
after getting caught juicing.
- ♪ Live the rest, live the rest ♪
- You went out to Bob Costas, but he turned you down.
- ♪ Whatever it takes, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
- ♪ To live your life, hey, na, na ♪
- Yeah, it's pretty similar to "Live Your Life."
- Stealing. - Or it's an homage.
- It steals. - We were talking earlier
on the show about how, you know, as Kanye said,
people are too hung up on ownership.
[laughter]
- ♪ My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my ♪
- How long ago was this, bro?
- This was, like, ten years ago.
- Whoa. - ♪ All my soldiers over there ♪
♪ I wrecked ♪
♪ Everybody right here ♪
♪ What you need to do with these hands ♪
- This is on sick. - Who is this?
- T.I. featuring Rihanna. - Yeah.
- ♪ Stop looking at what you ain't got ♪
♪ And start being thankful for what you do got ♪
- Yeah. - ♪ Let's get to 'em, baby girl ♪
- ♪ Hey, can you see ♪
♪ That you're gonna go far ♪
♪ Let me see ♪
♪ That you're gonna go far ♪
♪ 'Cause everyone knows ♪
♪ That you're gonna steal your heart ♪
- Rihanna, let's do it!
- ♪ So live your life ♪
- ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ You steady dressing that bedcloth ♪
♪ Just live your life ♪
- Just saying, "Hey."
Kind of.
- This is kind of a better anthem for Steroid Island.
- You gotta live your life. - Yeah, just live your life, man.
If you gotta take steroids, do it.
If you like that, do that.
Take steroids.
- Back to 1977, a simpler time.
The number four song's something called "David's Soul."
You guys know the name? - Soul?
- Yeah, like S-O-U-L. - Collective Soul's dad, I think.
- It might be the father of Collective Soul.
- Yeah. - David's Soul.
The song's called "Don't Give Up on Us."
- ♪ Also appropriate for Steroid Island ♪
- [laughs]
This is the steroids singing to the guys who are using them.
- [laughs]
- ♪ Don't give up on us ♪
♪ Don't give up on us, baby ♪
♪ Don't make the wrong seem right ♪
♪ The future isn't just one night ♪
- See, even this is like-- - Wow.
- I'm just picturing some, like, whack movie.
Somebody in, like, a wig and a mustache.
- This is animated movie to me.
- Yeah, this is too softcore for--
- Too soft.
- This is, like, animated dinosaur movie or something.
- Right.
- Or, like, a Oliver and Company type thing.
- Mm. - This is full, easy listening.
If the 10CC sort of started to suggest that,
we're deep in at this point.
- It's fun. I keep wanting to sing other ballads.
- So do it.
- [laughs]
Like--
- Like a Peter Cetera kind of--
- ♪ You're the only one ♪
- Yeah.
- ♪ Don't give up on us ♪
♪ I know ♪
♪ We can still come through ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I really lost my head last night ♪
♪ You've got a right to stop believing ♪
- I hope that whatever the current one is
is a little better, 'cause they're--I mean--
- This is funny to me that this was number four.
- It's a big, fat hit.
- In '77.
- Imagine, 1977, this blasting out of a car radio
in stores.
- ♪ Don't give up on us, baby ♪
♪ Lord knows we're strong ♪
- It's written by a guy named Tony McCauley,
who also wrote "Build Me Up, Buttercup."
That's a solid song.
- It is, huh?
- The number four song back in our era
is finally some new blood in the top five on iTunes.
- Okay.
- "The Yodeling Kid."
- That's exciting.
- Actually, I'm surprised at that.
You know, back in the day when there was, like,
a meme remix song,
it would actually often be up there
on the iTunes charts.
The times, they are changing.
People just enjoy it other ways.
This is by Jason Aldean.
- Oh!
- Country superstar.
- Wasn't he the guy that you were guessing his biography?
- Yes, we incorrectly guessed that he was from Oklahoma.
- Right.
- Where is he from?
- Uh...
- Somewhere else.
- Georgia?
- Sure.
- Seinfeld, can I get a number crunch on that?
Where's Jason Aldean from?
- Macon, Georgia.
- Okay.
There you go.
- Got it.
- Georgia boy.
So the song's called "You Make It Easy."
- ♪ Like a rainy Sunday morning ♪
♪ Makes me wanna stay in bed ♪
♪ Twist it up all day long ♪
- Maybe we have heard this--
I think we've heard this one.
- Yeah.
[drumming]
- ♪ You're my inspiration, girl ♪
♪ You take me places ♪
♪ Put the world in drag ♪
- I mean, if you felt like the other one was a rap song,
this guy's rapping too, I guess.
- ♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, yeah ♪
Staying on the same note.
- ♪ Sending kisses undercover, babe ♪
♪ See you forever when I see your face ♪
♪ And I swear God made you for me ♪
♪ You make it easy ♪
♪ Lugging up on you ♪
♪ Make it easy ♪
♪ With every little thing you do ♪
- This sucks.
- Whoa!
- [laughs]
- Hey! - Hey!
- ♪ My better half, my saving grace ♪
♪ You make me who I wanna be ♪
♪ You make it easy ♪
- This could definitely be about Stero.
- ♪ You've got my rough around the edges ♪
♪ Never let it ruffle up your feathers ♪
♪ Angel ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm down for life ♪
♪ You got me wrapped around your finger ♪
♪ And I like it just in case ♪
♪ You can't tell ♪
♪ You make it easy ♪
- You don't even like that he's kind of
the tasteful, rootsy palate of the song?
- I like the percussion.
I like that, uh, egg shaker or whatever that is.
- Okay. - Yeah, that's nice.
- That's nice. That's warm.
- Mm.
- I don't like the hammy delivery, right?
- Oh, yeah, we did hear this song.
I remember I was upset 'cause I thought
that I was missing that little tag at the end.
- Oh, yeah. - That a lot of country songs have.
♪ You make it easy ♪
♪ Easy on me ♪
You know, something like that. - Yeah.
- It's not a bad song.
- Mm. - Mm.
- Not a good song. - Kind of is.
- Wow. - [laughs]
- Haters.
The number three song, let's go back to '77,
see if there's anything that you guys like around then.
I have a feeling you might know this one, Jake.
This one kind of needs no introduction.
So just picture this, guys.
- Okay, '77.
It's late April.
- Hey, are you alive? - Three months old.
- Jake's three-month-old baby. - Yep.
- Despot and I are not born.
- Kanye is still in womb.
- Kanye's in utero.
So one of the greatest artists of our generation
was in utero at this moment,
and this song was inescapable.
So Kanye West's mom, Donda West,
whether or not she liked this group,
probably could not help but have the sweet sounds
of this hit song, 'cause baby's here in the womb.
And if you were anywhere in America,
even if you didn't like these guys,
probably you-- - Beejies?
- Beejies? Nah.
- I peaked, and I'm excited, actually.
- Oh! [laughs]
Now, this record came out in '76.
- Yeah, it says that.
December '76. - Yeah.
- On asylum. - But this album had legs.
- Oh, yeah.
- I wonder if this was the first single
off this record.
Probably, right? - I don't know.
[guitar plays]
- I used to cut school in junior high school
and go to this Russian pool hall
that was in the subway on Queens Boulevard.
- Wow.
- In the 63rd Drive train station,
and they only played this song, like, constantly.
- Really? - On loop.
And they would let us stay in there all day
and drink 40s and play pool and [bleep]
and, like, not call the cops or anything.
- Just--it's not even just Eagles.
Just this song.
- No, Hotel California, like, on loop.
And they sang it in, like, bad--
like, big Russian accents.
It was sick.
- That's amazing.
- Yeah, that's--that's all I think about
when I hear this song.
Pool hall's gone now.
- ♪ Up ahead in the distance ♪
♪ I saw a shimmer ♪
- I mean, this is such a classic song.
- Yeah, we've discussed this before on the show.
- Interesting that the demo of this
was called "Mexican Reggae."
- Right, I've heard that.
- So I guess that's what the Eagles
thought they were making here
is "Mexican Reggae."
- I think Don Felder...
- The guitarist.
- Wrote the chord progression.
- Yeah.
- And he titled it that way.
- And it's vaguely reggae.
- ♪ Ch-ch, ch-ch, ch-ch ♪
- ♪ [imitates guitar]
- [laughs]
- Yeah, I guess so.
- ♪ They showed me the way ♪
♪ There were voices down the street ♪
- It'd be sick if they started singing
"Mexican Reggae" instead of "Hotel California."
- ♪ Mexican, Mexican, Mexican reggae ♪
- Yeah, that's sick.
- ♪ Such a lovely place ♪
- [laughs]
- ♪ Such a lovely place ♪
- A place called "Mexican Reggae"
would be a cool place, I think.
- ♪ Ready a room at the hotel ♪
- ♪ Steroid island ♪
- [laughs]
- ♪ Any time of year ♪
♪ Any time of year ♪
♪ You can find it here ♪
♪ Her mind is differently twisted ♪
- This song has great lyrics, too.
- Oh, yeah.
- I remember hearing this song.
My parents do not listen to the Eagles,
but I remember I was with my boy Wes's dad
driving around somewhere,
and he had "Eagles' Greatest Hits Vol. 2" on cassette.
- Right.
- And I remember I was hearing this song
for the first time, and it's like...
- Really? That's how you heard it the first time?
- Yeah. - Wow.
Not classic rock radio?
- I might have not been listening to classic rock radio yet.
- Okay. - So I just remember hearing this song
and just being like, "Not everybody loves the Eagles.
"They're an infamously divisive band.
"Jake, I know you love them. I like the Eagles."
- I like the Eagles only because of that pool.
- And just that one song.
- Nah, there's, like, that other one.
- "New Kid in Town"? - I don't know.
- Oh, "Life in the Fast Land."
- Take it easy. - Take it easy.
- That's not on.
- But... [laughs]
But not everybody likes the Eagles,
but--and, you know, some people--
a hater tries to portray the Eagles
as being, like, corny, lightweight, whatever.
But I do feel like whatever the intent was in writing it,
when you first hear the song,
especially, like, when you're young,
it is haunting, straight up.
- Very atmospheric.
- However corny they might be or whatever,
it's haunting, and even, like, those lines
when you're a kid and you just hear this [bleep]
"Her mind is Tiffany twisted."
I mean, it's dumb.
- ♪ She's got the Mercedes Benz ♪
- ♪ She's got the Mercedes Benz ♪
- [laughs]
- ♪ You can check out anytime you like,
but you just can never leave ♪
'Cause this is, like, for a big hit song,
it's incredibly mysterious.
- Oh, yeah. - I mean, I think
we basically know what it's about.
It's like-- - Steroids.
- It's a lot of people come to Steroid Island
to start aroid, and they don't want to go back
to the regular Olympics. - Right.
- But, yeah, it seems like the Hotel California--
it's not a big secret that the Hotel California
is a metaphor for California.
- Yeah. - Or Los Angeles.
It's a place-- - Materialism, dreams.
- People come, they get swept up in it,
and even though they're free to leave,
it's this place that people get swallowed by.
- It's about capitalism, man. - Maybe it's about capitalism.
And just this false dream, almost like a hotel
that gives you this impression of what it's supposed to be,
but then you check in, and then it's like a nightmare.
It's like a horror movie, kind of.
- Yeah, the toilet doesn't work.
- A sunny facade.
- You call down room service.
- Get to the solos at the end.
- Here we go. - Ooh.
[upbeat music]
- What if it's Felder? - Joe Walsh.
- Oh. - What--
- Well, they play together.
- Well, like, there's three different solos here,
so that's one dude.
♪ ♪
- I think this is Felder.
And then right here.
♪ ♪
- Kind of identical tones.
- But different playing. - Yeah.
I think this is Walsh. This is Mike Cass.
♪ ♪
- [hums]
♪ ♪
- Then they link up. - Yeah.
- Or they're starting to link up.
♪ ♪
- This part's so sick. - Yeah.
♪ ♪
- It's such an incredible solo, 'cause it's really
two different dudes coming together.
- Yeah. - And then building up
to the ultimate arpeggios.
- Yeah. - ♪ Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da ♪
♪ Bum-bum-bum, and then the bass.
- Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum. - Yeah.
♪ ♪
- Yeah, sick.
- Randy Mizer holding it down on bass.
- Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum.
♪ ♪
- And then he goes back to the, like,
the more syncopated bass line.
♪ ♪
- Yeah, leaving that space.
- [laughs]
- I mean, it's an amazing song.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Kanye absorbed it. - That's right.
- And look at him now.
Tweeting about...
whatever.
- Tweeting about boots.
- Although speaking of what we've been talking about
all day on this show, liberty.
If I had to define the theme of this show today,
it's liberty.
The freedom for athletes to become body astronauts
if they want to.
But also in terms of copyright and what's ownership
and things that Kanye was talking about.
There's an early Frank Ocean song that was--
he had, like, the instrumental to this somehow,
and he just, like, wrote his own song on top.
- Yeah. "American Wedding," right?
- Called "American Wedding."
It was on one of his early mixtapes.
He posted it, and then Don Henley was so pissed
just to hear on this free mixtape
Frank Ocean singing over his song.
- What Henley song was it?
- No, it's a-- - Oh, "Hotel California."
- Yeah, but Don Henley led the charge.
- Uh-huh. - Felder was cool.
But even to the point that they, like,
they C&D'd him or, like, they scared him so much
that I remember seeing Frank Ocean live in the early days,
and he played the song,
and he, like, had the guitarist play different chords.
Like, he wouldn't even go for the--
even live.
- Yeah, Don kind of turned into a grump.
- Let me see if we can track it, Don.
- ♪ Daydreams of the romance ♪
♪ Daydreams of you ♪
♪ My pretty woman in a ball gown ♪
♪ I'm Richard Gere in a tux ♪
♪ Getting married in the courthouse ♪
♪ Writing vows in a rush ♪
♪ Making out before the judge ♪
♪ My teenage wife ♪
- So this was brought to Don's attention.
- Don heard it and was like, "What the f--"
- ♪ That I just might die with ♪
♪ It's an American wedding ♪
♪
♪ They don't mean too much ♪
♪ But we were so in love ♪
- ♪ It's an American wedding ♪
♪ They don't mean too much ♪
- Maybe that's what he was mad about, like,
Frank Ocean trying to destroy
the sanctity of marriage in America.
- "American weddings, they mean a lot!"
- Yeah, exactly. - You think Don thought
that he was, like, clowning on him a little bit?
- No, I think he's just from that generation
that they just cannot understand sampling.
- "I wrote this song." - Or he's just kind of,
like, a greedy dude, period, greedy grumpy guy.
- Hmm. - Just imagine that you're,
like, you're worth, like, you got, like,
$100 million in your bank account,
and you're in your 60s.
- But the weird thing is, like, Don,
he testified in front of Congress
opposing radio consolidation,
of which the Eagles were huge beneficiaries of
'cause of the classic rock format.
- So he testified against his own interests.
- Yeah, he is, like, a kind of a--
I mean, he's not, like, some, like, weird Republican dude.
- Big environmentalist? - Yeah, I mean,
he seems, like, politically, like,
in terms of, like, the broad strokes
to be on the kind of right side of things, but...
- Maybe there's more to the story.
- But yeah, I get to see him being a grump,
like, just like, "What is this?"
- The Hotel California of 2018,
the number three song on iTunes chart right now...
- Yeah. - Is a new single from Drake.
"Nice 4 What."
- ♪ I wanna know who my... representing here tonight ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Hold on, hold on ♪
- ♪ They always sample Frida and they don't let her be in the video ♪
♪ Or come to the show or anything ♪
- Really? - Yeah.
- ♪ I watch that Beyoncé performance ♪
- Frida's sample comes on.
- Everybody always samples Frida.
- Yeah, I was like, "Frida's gonna come out."
- Big Frida? - I don't know who that is.
- That was in the beginning of the...
- And then here they sample Lauryn Hill.
- Right, I recognize this.
- ♪ Yeah ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Everybody get your... roll on ♪
♪ I know Shorty and she doesn't want no slow song ♪
♪ Had a man last year, life goes on ♪
♪ Haven't let a thing loose, girl, in so long ♪
♪ I'm on the inside, know you like to lay low ♪
♪ I've been peepin' what you bringin' to the table ♪
- This is a different sound for Drake.
- People say that this is New Orleans bounce.
- Uh... I guess.
I wouldn't say that.
I mean, I guess 'cause Big Frida's on the beginning of it.
- Is that like a New Orleans rhythm, the drums?
- ♪ This is short life, yo ♪
♪ ♪
- It doesn't feel like it to me.
- This kind of sounds like a weird mixtape song.
It's interesting that they made it a single.
- I think it's pretty good.
- No, I'm not saying it's bad, but it's like--
even "God's Plan" is like a little more of like
an obvious single, I guess.
- Hmm.
- Also, they made a video with, like, all women.
Rashida's in the video. - Oh, really?
- Yeah. - Also, Olivia Wilde,
Issa Rae, Tracee Ellis Ross, among others.
- It's always a slippery slope,
naming everyone who's in that video,
'cause now the ones that you just didn't name,
you just slided them.
- I want everybody to know that I read that off a piece of paper
provided to me by our producer, Colin.
- [laughs] - You're just giving us the highlights.
I know there's other people in the video.
- The highlights, huh? - Drake was also in the video.
- Yeah. - One thing that I want to say,
what I find very interesting is
Drake announced the name of his upcoming album.
Did you hear about this? - Yeah, "Scorpion."
- It's called "Scorpion."
- [laughs] Strong.
- Pretty cool.
- You think he's gonna sample "Scorpion" from "Mortal Kombat"?
He better. - You know what's funny?
I was thinking about "Scorpion" from "Mortal Kombat,"
'cause the other week... - That's a sick song.
- I was a little under the weather, and I was at the studio.
- Mm-hmm. - And I work with a lot of
germaphobic-type people.
And, you know, I was trying to be courteous,
and I was like, "I don't know why people don't do this more in America."
And I was like, "You know what? Let me just wear one of those masks."
You always see them in Japan... - Sure.
- ...that people wear when they're sick.
I didn't feel that sick, and I had enough energy to go out,
but I don't want every time I, like, sneeze or cough
that everybody looks at me like, "Oh, [bleep]."
So I was just trying to be courteous by wearing a courtesy mask.
- That's very nice of you. - Mm-hmm.
- I wouldn't do that. - You just roll in.
- Yeah, I would just be sick. - Roll into it.
Well, and then I was wearing it. I kind of liked wearing it.
But the funny thing is, I'm just not used to seeing myself that way.
And when I look in the mirror, maybe just because of my age,
I would just keep thinking of "Scorpion" and "Mortal Kombat,"
'cause his face is also covered in a similar way.
And I just kept thinking, "Get over here."
You familiar with "Scorpion" from "Mortal Kombat," Jake?
- No. - He throws, like, a blade on a rope into your chest.
- Oh, yeah. - And he says, "Get over here."
And then he pulls you in, and then he hits you.
- He says, "Get over here"? - Yeah.
- "Get over here!" - Yeah.
Do you remember that late period "Eagles" song, "Get Over It"?
- Get over it! - Get over it!
That's where it came from.
- Yeah. - The Eagles took that from "Mortal Kombat."
- Yeah, yeah. - The thing is, Don was playing some "Mortal Kombat."
He's a serious gamer on his Sega Genesis,
and he likes to play as Scorpion, man.
And he was saying, "Get over here."
And, you know, but Don, you know, he really respects copyright,
so he wouldn't make the song "Get Over Here,"
so he was thinking, "What could be similar to 'Get Over Here'?"
And he came up with "Get Over It."
You know, it was a pretty cool way to tip of the hat to old Scorpion, man.
- Who's talking? - R.I.P. Glenn Frey.
That was Glenn Frey. That was Glenn Frey talking about Don.
That's not the first time you've done Glenn Frey on this show, by the way.
- You do a pretty mean Glenn Frey. - I think it's because in--
It has nothing to do with his voice,
but I think it's because in the documentary,
- Glenn is always talking about Don. - Right.
And just being like, "Listen, man,
"we got a f---ing Don Henley in our band,
- "so shut the f--- up." - ( laughs )
Basically, it's like Don is the strong, quiet type,
and, like, Glenn Frey was, like, his hype man.
- Yeah. - Like, when one of the other guys
wanted to sing a song, and then they, like, tricked him into leaving,
and then just Don Henley put his vocals on the song,
and the guy came back, was upset, and he said,
"And I told him, man, we got Don f---ing Henley in our band.
"We're gonna not have him sing on the song?
"Go f--- yourself, Felder."
He's the greatest singer this side of Sam Cooke.
- Yeah. - Basically.
The number two song in 1977, Glenn Campbell.
- I love Glenn Campbell. - Ooh, yeah.
- I don't really know this-- - I don't know this late period Campbell.
- Southern Nights. - ♪ Southern nights ♪
Ah. I've heard another version of this song.
Sounds good so far.
♪ Southern nights ♪
♪ Have you ever felt a Southern night? ♪
- This one's a little bit of that '70s. - Mm-hmm.
This could be somebody getting their ass kicked.
Yeah, a little more up-tempo.
I feel like for those Squarespacey scenes,
you need, like, a little bit of, like...
- It's got a little bit of groove, though. - BPM on it. Yeah.
♪ Southern nights ♪
1977, a hard-boiled Brooklyn cop
heads down to Georgia.
True Detective, season five.
♪ To anyone who can truly say ♪
♪ That he has found a better way ♪
♪ Southern nights ♪
Oh, this song was in Guardians of the Galaxy 2.
Okay.
The music supervisor for that movie
was just-- had to dig a little deeper.
Yeah. So that means
Glen Campbell exists in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
- I love that song. It was boring. - You didn't like it?
Oh, that...
♪ Southern nights, have you ever felt a Southern night? ♪
- Is that what he said? - ( laughing )
- Get out of here. - It's a legitimate--
- It's not so hot, but... - It's a legitimate question.
- Well, have you? - Yeah, plenty.
- You been down South? - Yeah, been everywhere.
- I've barely been down South. - Really?
- That sounded weird. - ( laughing )
Back to our era.
The number two song.
This is just a big, fat hit. Jesus Christ.
- Is this Rexa? - Good Lord. Yep.
- You know this one, Deadspot? - What?
It's a giant hit.
Bebe Rexha featuring Florida Georgia Line.
- It's a great song. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
Uber song.
- Bebe Rexha's from Brooklyn. - It's totally an Uber song.
- Yeah. - I don't know this from there.
♪ No need to go nowhere fast ♪
♪ Let's enjoy right here where we at ♪
♪ Who knows where this road is supposed to lead ♪
♪ We got nothing but time ♪
♪ As long as you're right here next to me ♪
♪ Everything's gonna be all right ♪
I feel like this song has acquired, like,
Bedsheets level of iconic status in the DC canon.
I don't even want to talk about it.
- I know. We've done it. - I just want to fast forward to that one part.
( record scratching )
♪ Hold up, girl, don't you know you're beautiful? ♪
♪ And it's easy to see ♪
♪ If it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be ♪
I almost like the "and it's easy to see" more.
♪ And it's meant to be ♪
♪ And it's easy to see ♪
♪ Baby, just let it be ♪
♪ So won't you ride with me? ♪
- Yeah, the "and" is-- - ♪ And it's easy to see ♪
♪ And it's easy to see ♪
It's like-- that's, like, the best part.
♪ Whoa, hold up, girl, don't you know you're beautiful? ♪
Great song.
Yeah, it is.
- "Highest charting hot 100 hit... - Uber rock.
"by a country duo group in eight years.
"Bibi Rexha's next single after this is called 'Ferrari.'"
Maybe she's done with country.
Or maybe it's a country song about a Ferrari.
Didn't we hear it? Was she singing, like, in that really weird voice?
Actually, I'm curious, because all we do is hear this song,
but Bibi Rexha--
I thought there was a follow-up Bibi Rexha,
and she was singing in that really high, thin voice.
Let's hear what her new song "Ferrari" sounds like.
I didn't know what she looked like.
♪ And it's easy to see ♪
Seinfeld defines her very beautiful.
Yeah, I was just noticing. She's good-looking.
♪ Every day's a blur ♪
♪ Sometimes I can't tell what day it is ♪
♪ Don't know what day it is ♪
♪ Can you tell me what day it is? ♪
- ♪ Life's passing by ♪ - Wait, what?
Maybe she still is a little country.
She just said that lyric was, "I don't know what day it is,
"and you tell me what day it is?"
What's wrong with these people?
Who's writing these songs?
That's some real sh--, though.
You know, sometimes you don't know what day it is.
Yeah, but you could phrase that better.
I was thinking of Camila Cabello.
Oh, no, that was a cool song, where she goes,
♪ And you're like heroin ♪
- ♪ And I need morphine ♪ - Yeah, yeah.
- That's what I was thinking of. - ♪ And I need morphine ♪
- Oh. - ♪ Steroids ♪
All right, Bibi Rexha, Florida, Georgia line, just dominating.
The number one song this week in 1977,
Thelma Houston, "Don't Leave Me This Way."
I don't know if I know this song.
Ooh, sounds like Jake's new age playlist.
Oh, I know this song, I'm pretty sure.
She's a Motown artist.
Yeah, this got sampled in some rap songs.
If it's what I'm thinking.
Yeah.
This is a sample in some Wu-Tang thing.
Oh, there's another version by Harold Melvin in the Blue Notes.
♪ Don't leave me this way ♪
- Yeah, I've seen it. - ♪ Don't leave me this way ♪
Yeah, sounds sick.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
♪ I can't survive ♪
♪ I can't stay alive ♪
♪ Without your love ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Don't leave me this way, no ♪
♪ I can't exist ♪
♪ I'll surely miss ♪
♪ Your tender kiss ♪
♪ Don't leave me this way ♪
Labels, the Jizzle song, labels.
♪ Baby ♪
Right, this part.
♪ My heart is on and on and my love ♪
- Oh, yeah. - This song is epic.
- There's so many parts. - This is a cool song.
What are we, like, three minutes in at this point?
- A minute thirty, but we've accomplished a lot. - Oh, really?
That intro seemed like a minute just on its own.
Funny, this is one of those songs where I really...
Maybe it was in a commercial, but I really mostly just know that one part.
♪ Oh, baby ♪
The Jizzle song labels sampled it.
Very, very big Jizzle song.
Sampled by a Jizzle song.
The number one song back in our era.
- Oh, that was number one? - That was number one back then.
It was a cool song.
Also, a female singer at number one in 2018.
Carrie Underwood. A lot of country.
Is this a Super Bowl song?
No, this one's called "Cry Pretty."
Okay.
♪
New material.
It's like "Lose Yourself" in the beginning.
Yeah, kind of.
♪ But I'm just a girl ♪
What does he say in the beginning?
- "If you had..." - "If you had one moment..."
♪ I'm pretty good ♪
"You had one shot to go to Steroid Island."
[laughing]
One shot of steroids.
♪ So I apologize ♪
♪ If you don't like what you see ♪
♪ But sometimes my emotions ♪
Weird tone on that snare.
Yeah, real-- it's interesting. It's real dirty.
It has a wet rag on top of it.
♪ As soon as it gets ♪
♪ You can't hide, you can't fight ♪
♪ But the truth is ♪
♪ You can pretty lie ♪
♪ And say it's okay ♪
♪ You can pretty smile ♪
♪ And just walk away ♪
♪ Pretty much make your way ♪
♪ Through anything ♪
♪ But you can't cry ♪
♪ Pretty ♪
♪ Oh, no, you can't dress it up ♪
♪ In lace or rhinestones ♪
♪ It don't matter if you're in a crowd ♪
♪ Or home all alone ♪
♪ Yeah, it's all the same ♪
♪ When you're looking in the mirror ♪
This song is like, "You can do this pretty,
you can pretty much do that, but you can't cry pretty"?
- I was gonna say that. - Yeah, I was okay with that shit.
That's the number one song on iTunes.
♪ You can pretty smile ♪
♪ And just walk away ♪
She was pronouncing words in a weird way
that I notice a lot of, like, modern singers do.
Like, the way she said "don't," she said, like, "don't."
- It was weird. - "Don't, bah."
- It's not a country thing? - No, it's some other weird s--t.
I don't know what it's about.
There was another word in there that she did that with, too.
Carry on the words back, pronounce the words weird.
- Yeah. - So it's "don't cry pretty" or--
- "You can't cry pretty." - Like, I'm not gonna allow you
to do that, or you physically cannot--
- No, no, I think she's like-- - It's impossible.
Like, you look like garbage and you cry.
If you're on steroids, I bet you could look good while you cry.
That's right.
Oh, wait, was she in an accident or something?
Okay, actually, that's what this song is about,
according to Genius.
The song follows Underwood's journey of coming to terms
with herself and her difference of appearance
after an accident.
- She fell on the steps of her home-- - That shit looks insane.
Well, hold on.
She fell on the steps of her home and had to receive
40 to 50 stitches on her face.
Oh!
How bad do you have to fall for that?
- That's a true knife accident. - That's a murder.
It was icy.
How many stitches?
40 to 50.
- That's not a lot. - Oh, really?
You know the slang term "a buck fifty"?
When you get cut like this, it's 150 stitches.
If a knife went from, like, your temple to your jaw,
- it would be 150? - Mm-hmm.
- So 40 or 50-- - So you're saying it's, like,
maybe two inches tops?
Yeah, it might not be that-- I mean, you know,
- but depending on where that is-- - You need 40 stitches
to hold a two-inch cut together?
I don't know.
[laughs]
I'm just talking about a buck fifty relative to a 40.
All right.
It doesn't sound that big, but, you know,
if it's, like, in the middle of her face,
- it's probably rough. - No, and also,
she's, like, this, like, performer.
That must be-- must have been incredibly stressful.
- Yeah. - Jeez.
Anyway, shout-out to Carrie Underwood.
Made it to number one on the iTunes charts.
Jeez, everybody-- also, let's remember,
everybody, be safe.
Great advice.
- Hold on. - I'll just be safe.
Okay, yeah, I know-- I know "be safe"
is not, like, the deepest advice, man,
but I'm just saying, hearing this horrific
- Carrie Underwood story is just also a reminder - Yeah.
that you don't have to be on Steroid Island
doing crazy [bleep]
for some [bleep] to go real sideways.
You know, even just walking up the steps--
- See, that's what's also brutal. - Probably walking down.
- Okay, well, she was walking home. - I mean, it could be either way.
I'm just saying, like, you're doing parkour,
you're doing extreme sports or something,
and you get [bleep] up,
there's probably some party that's expecting it,
but I'm just saying, like, how brutal is that to imagine
just one twist of the ankle, one misstep--
- Freak accident. - --in your own home,
and you could have to get 50 stitches
and be all stressed out, and so I'm just saying, be safe.
It's like those commercials,
and someone's just, like, boiling water,
and then they pick it up and pour it on their head
by accident or whatever.
- Oh, you mean like an infomercial that's just like,
"Do you hate when this happens?"
- Yeah, and it's like you're cutting an onion,
and you chop your own hand off. - And they're just doing it so crazy.
All right, thank you, Death Spot, for coming through.
- No problem. - Tom Crisis.
We'll be back in two weeks.
- ♪ We've come a long way since that day ♪
♪ And we will never look back ♪
♪ At the fate that's in the way ♪
♪ We've come a long way since that day ♪
♪ And we will never look back ♪
♪ Look back at the fate that's in the way ♪
- Tom Crisis.
- With Ezra Koenig.
- Be-be-be-be-be-be-be-beasts 1.
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