Episode 68: Sweet Chili Heat
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Transcript
Time Crisis, back once again.
It is with a heavy heart that today we must uncover a dark secret behind Tic Tacs, one
of America's favorite mints.
We'll also be talking Doritos with Phil Matariz, creator of the HBO comedy Animals.
We'll also be joined by Chris Baio to debut his Sting and Shaggy remix.
All this, plus the greatest hits of 2018 and 1969.
This is Time Crisis with Ezra King.
Time Crisis, back once again.
It feels like it's been a long time.
Because the real hardcore TC heads, I wonder if they realize that the last episode was
recorded weeks in advance.
Deeply canned.
A little radio magic.
That's the one that we had Dev and Dave and Despot, RL.
The reason that we pre-recorded that one is because Jake was going on his honeymoon.
That's right.
Long-time listeners may remember that Jake got married.
How long have you been married now?
Eight months.
Got married in September of 2017.
You just did a delayed honeymoon?
Yeah, delayed HM.
What, you went to Italy?
Went to Italy.
How was it?
Great trip.
I believe we talked about it before you went that that was your first time in Europe in
almost 20 years.
Yeah, I went in 2002 with Wolf Kernel.
On tour?
Yeah.
Renowned K-Records band, Wolf Kernel.
Played drums on that tour.
Oh, really?
I don't play drums anymore.
I've never seen you play drums.
I'm not that good.
My drumming on that tour was very basic.
So you were slapping the tubs for Wolf Kernel on a 2002 European tour.
Yep.
And that was the last time you checked across the Atlantic.
Yep.
So that's a big deal.
It's a long time to be away from Europe.
Did it feel like a big deal to be like setting foot in Italy?
A big deal in what sense?
I guess I always think for me that I think the first time I ever left the country I was
a teenager, like 14 with my family.
And I think about those early trips I took from age like 14 to 22 a few times and everything
about it, going to the airport was such a big deal because I hadn't been on planes that
much as a child, basically not at all as a child.
And there's something about like being a teen, you know, leaving the country and things feeling
so different.
You notice everything.
And it's kind of like you're in a dream the whole time you're in this other place.
Right.
I even remember going to Canada the first time, which I think was on a Dirty Projectors tour
and like being in Toronto and like the money being different.
Just what are all these Tim Hortons everywhere?
Yeah.
Just being shocked by the density of Tim Hortons.
Then in my twenties, Vampire Weekend toured like crazy to the point that, you know, you're
like rolling through Amsterdam for like the fifth time or something.
You're just kind of like, yeah, you're like jet lagged and you kind of like draw the curtain
and just say whatever.
And then it's actually, I haven't traveled that much in the hiatus years.
So I guess I was kind of thinking like, as you get older, is leaving the country less
exciting?
Did I just get a little bit like jaded from touring too much?
Will I be kind of psyched when I get back over there?
Did you do any international tourism for leisure in the last few years?
Not really.
I mean, I know you went to Hawaii.
Went to Hawaii.
That's part of the US.
But it's exotic.
It's not mainland.
I was just hitting McDonald's every day.
I was, you know, nothing fancy.
I mean, I've left the country here and there.
There's been some trips, but really I've been kind of like...
Holding it down.
Yeah, I've been holding it down in the old US of A.
Also, I found that, especially when you go on tour a lot, and you'd be in like
the really big cities like London and Paris a lot, the more time you'd spend
there, the more you'd kind of realize how global culture was kind of like
bending into one thing.
Sure.
So even on that level, those like feelings I associate with the first times I ever
left the country of being like everything's so different, but then flash forward to
being in like, you know, Portland, L.A., New York, London, all like the same
poke restaurant.
Wow.
And everybody kind of dresses the same.
But Italy's always been its own thing.
Italy's not like that.
Yeah.
I mean, maybe Milan would be like that because we left for Milan.
That definitely seemed more northern.
But like in terms of the big towns, Rome and Florence and Siena, which I spent
time in on this past trip, definitely felt like a different trip.
There weren't poke restaurants that I saw in those towns.
But I have to say --
Ooh, that sounds like a good business opportunity for me.
I did see sushi restaurants.
Was it hard for you like with the lack of access to poke?
Yeah.
Difficult.
I made up for it.
Talking about cutting the trip short.
I made up for it by having pasta and red wine for lunch.
Nice.
We rented a car.
And so we drew -- I remember driving into Florence and driving into Siena and
noticing, much like the cities in the U.S., like the outskirts would be fully
internationally homogenized.
There would be like warehousing.
You'd see like a Burger King, a Mickey D's, a Subway.
Car dealerships.
Hell yeah.
And then you'd get within like the inner ring of the city.
You'd like pass over the old moat or like drive in some like narrow gateway
like past the old city walls.
And then like the zoning there must be insane because there was like nothing
built after like the year 1000 or whatever in any of these tiny --
And it seems like they have rules.
Like Italy has done a good job of holding off Starbucks.
Oh, hell yeah.
Pretty well.
Oh, I didn't see any Starbucks.
I know there are some in Italy.
Dude.
I think there's a whole thing that like Starbucks said we're going to make a
big push in Italy.
And then there's a lot of like blowback.
Well, Italy has very strong coffee culture.
Right.
And so we flew back from Milan through Oslo to L.A.,
dipped into the Oslo airport for an hour.
First thing I see, Starbucks.
Yeah.
And I was like, whoa, come to think of it, haven't seen one in two and a half weeks.
Yeah.
That got the gears turning.
Yeah.
And I was like, yeah, Italy has got very strong established coffee culture.
Which is something that you have to protect.
Hell yeah.
It's not as easy as just saying like, well, our country has strong coffee
culture, so we don't want Starbucks.
Actually, like France also has strong coffee culture.
Are there Starbucks everywhere?
I think there's some Starbucks.
But one thing I noticed over the years that I've been going to Paris is the
rise of the McCafe.
Is McCafe McDonald's with a coffee emphasis?
Or what is the McCafe?
I think sometimes it's literally just the same menu.
But I've seen times where it was kind of like a kiosk within a McDonald's that
maybe had its own window on the street where you could order a cappuccino,
something of that nature.
I was hitting cappuccinos in Italy.
And espressos?
Big time.
It's just standing up at the bar.
Seinfeld, number crunch on number of Starbucks in Italy?
I don't have the number of Starbucks, but I will tell you that as of 2017,
there were zero Starbucks.
In the whole country?
It sounds like a number to me.
Per eater.
And they opened their first location in the whole country this year.
In Milan?
Yes.
Nailed that.
I feel great about that.
And I don't even know, because I'm reading an article from 2017,
so I don't even know if that happened.
It seems like they were just planning to do it.
Not a Starbucks country.
Respect.
That's cool.
Mad respect.
Anyway, Italy ruled.
It's a great country.
Speaking of Italy, on today's show,
I want to talk about one of my favorite Italian candies.
OK.
I'm talking, of course, about Tic Tacs.
Didn't know that was Italian.
Yeah, neither did I until I looked it up today.
Why'd you look it up?
Well, I think I was looking at Instagram, maybe Twitter.
Definitely a social media platform.
I'm not sure.
I don't know.
I'm not sure.
I don't know.
I'm not sure.
I don't know.
I'm not sure.
Maybe Twitter.
Definitely a social media platform.
One of the big two.
Maybe it was even Facebook.
You're not on Facebook.
I am on Facebook.
Are you?
Yeah.
You look, but never post?
I haven't posted in a long time.
I mean, have we never talked about Facebook on this show?
I know you're like an early adapter.
I'm an early adapter.
But I thought you bailed like 10 years ago.
I have reason to believe that I'm one of the first 2,000
people who was ever on Facebook.
That's tight.
I mean, is it?
I bailed, dude.
After the election, I bailed.
But go ahead.
So anyway, I always associated Facebook with like being a
sophomore in college.
Right.
Then once I graduated, I didn't use it that much.
And then also I had this weird thing where people kept making
fake accounts.
Did I never tell this story?
No, no.
I went to my 10th high school reunion, and I was talking to
this dude, Ryan Ayers.
Great dude.
Friend of mine.
Yeah.
I hadn't stayed that much in touch, but a guy I really liked,
and we were like having some beers at his parents house.
What year is this?
The high school reunion?
It must have been '28.
I remember I was finishing the last Vampire Weekend album,
and me and Wes, one of my oldest friends.
Like '13?
No, wait.
2012.
This would have been 2012.
So we're hanging out at this guy's parents house after the
reunion, and he was like, "Hey, that's pretty cool.
When you posted that Smashing Pumpkins video the other day,
I hadn't heard that song in a while."
And I was like, "Posted on what?"
And he's like, "On Facebook."
And I was like, "I don't think I've actually posted anything on
Facebook in a while."
And he's like, "Yeah, you have."
And he showed me.
And there's like somebody had actively made a fake account,
and they friended people I'd gotten to high school with,
and they weren't even doing anything crazy.
They were just like posting Smashing Pumpkins videos and being like,
"Yo, remember the '90s when we were tweens?"
That's crazy.
That kind of bugged me out because I was like,
obviously there's a lot of potential for weirdness.
And I remember I had some people hit up Facebook and try to shut down
a bunch of these fake accounts, but that was the worst.
I'd never heard anything bad.
I'd never heard somebody saying, "Somebody started sending me
crazy messages."
But that was just so unnerving, just like somebody holding it down
just being like--
So there were multiple Ezra Koenig fake accounts.
Yeah.
And they were all just posting like SP videos.
I guess so.
That's an interesting impulse.
I mean, yeah, maybe just like somebody would get home from work
and just kind of imagine what it would be like.
And also it's interesting that this person was like friending people
I went to high school with.
It's not like they were trying to like even--
Maybe it was somebody I went to high school with just being weird
or something.
Yeah.
It reminds me--this is kind of a weird story in terms of like fake identities.
In a benign sense, I worked at a nursery, like a plant nursery,
like a greenhouse.
Okay.
Yeah, that's on brand.
You had like a bunch of 3-year-olds.
Yeah, yeah.
Now this would have been 1996, so I would have been like 19.
Yeah.
And there was like a photographer that came from the local paper.
It was like, "Hey, we're doing a story on the nursery
and we're going to shoot you guys."
And we were just like standing in the greenhouse like weeding
and like planting stuff.
And I was like, "Oh my God."
And they shot all these pictures of me.
And they're like, "What's your name?"
And I said, "Steven Malkemis."
[laughter]
Because huge pavement head at the time--still am--and I was like,
"This would be kind of funny."
For some of our younger listeners or our older listeners who don't give a [bleep]
about indie rock, Steven Malkemis was in a band called Pavement,
considered a seminal indie rock band of the '90s.
Considered?
First of all, everyone that listens to this show,
if they're a Vampire Weekend fan, gives an F about indie rock.
I don't need you throwing shade at indie rock.
I'm not throwing--By the way, I was literally listening to Pavement last night.
What album?
Wowie Zowie because I never--
Oh, I love that record.
I was wondering if Wowie Zowie was considered a double album.
Oh, interesting.
No, it's like 19 or 20 tracks.
No, it's like a long--it's like an hour, right?
Not a double.
Yeah, but it's 18 songs.
But it might be on vinyl.
It might be four sides.
Anyway, I was thinking about Pavement.
I felt like it had been fashionable to say you don't like Pavement for a while
because I think Pavement was considered kind of like the old white male rock critic kind of thing.
Sure.
And it became kind of unfashionable.
Like Pavement became a shorthand for being like, "Oh, what?
Great music is only made by Pavement?"
Right, like nerdy, literate college rock.
Right, whereas for a long time that got respect, whereas pop or hip hop didn't,
whereas now I think at least in the critical universe that things have evened out.
But anyway, I was thinking about Pavement, and I was like, "You know what?
Pavement has some tunes, man."
I'm not saying that Pavement is ever going to top the year-end lists again, let alone the charts,
but I was like, "You know what?
There's nothing cool about hating on Pavement.
Throw in some Pavement."
Maybe someone's going to save me.
My heart is made of gravy
And the lapses swim from lunatics don't care
Open up your stocking
Pull out all the things you never wanted
From room service calls
Room service calls
Open up your pants and let me see the things you keep in there
I want to split up 50/50
That's the way we do it in this rose town
I've got all the glory in the world
I hope it doesn't floor you before you go
Room service calls
In the random halls
Go!
I remember you used to hate on them like 10 years ago, and I was like, "Come on, man.
I know you're flexing. You have a young career going."
I was flexing.
You need to front to the previous generation, but I was also in between the generations.
I never publicly hated on bands.
To me, you would be like, "That band's whack."
And I'd be like, "Get out of here. You're doing your music. Come on. Get out of here."
So I'm glad you're back around.
There are a lot of Pavement songs that I like.
No, Pavement's cool.
And also, look, you're right.
It's always--
Well, okay, that's been settled here at D.C.
It's always been--
Pavement's cool.
And also, first of all, I do respect Pavement. I respect Stephen Malcomist a lot.
So I would have never said anything publicly, although I feel like he said something publicly weird about Vampire Weekend before.
Did he?
That's just what happens.
Yeah.
The old heads.
Generations, man.
So just like, it's about time for me to start talking s*** about some young stuff.
Talking smack about Sheermag.
No, I f*** with Sheermag.
I have the Malcomist interview where he talks about Vampire Weekend.
Oh, what did he say?
It's all positive.
Oh, really?
Maybe it's not the same one, then.
There's something glowing about them. I don't know what it is.
It's like an Apple computer--
Disrespectful.
Coca-Cola thing where people don't know why, but they just want it.
Oh, okay, so that's a little bit backhanded.
Like, comparing the band to Coca-Cola?
But that's his style. I mean, he's like, you know, kind of oblique and poetic and--
Doesn't seem that negative to me.
I mean, honestly, to me, Vampire and Pavement aren't that far apart.
Especially with the lyrical content.
Yeah, but also, you know me well and you know my vibe.
You got a picture, like, when our first album came out, people hearing like M79 and s***.
There was a certain type of listener who would have been like, "Whatever happened to good s*** like Pavement?"
Right.
[singing]
Yeah. Oxford Comma, though, is pretty pavement.
[singing]
But even then, it's a little more pop than Pavement.
A little bit, but it's like--
I think actually--
Almost could be a Pavement B-side in a weirdo world.
I think one of the most true, like, classic indie rock Vampire Weekend songs--
Yeah?
Because we were playing this the other day at the rehearsal space--
Yeah.
--is a deep cut rarity called Ottoman. Do you know that one?
Wait, how does it go? Wait, put it on.
I think it's finally on the streaming services now.
Because this is like-- I wrote the riff when I was a teenager.
I was singing about it. And look, in the end, the arrangement went to a very early Vampire Weekend place.
But the opening guitar riff, which I think I wrote when I was like 14 or 15--
Whoa, you go back that far?
[playing guitar]
But then I like palm muted it and stuff.
You remember riffs from when you were 14?
[playing guitar]
But then once the cello comes in, it doesn't sound like Pavement anymore, but like--
[singing]
Imagine if it wasn't palm muted.
Sure.
[singing]
Ice baby, I saw your girlfriend and she did a little dance--
Yeah, who's the lyrics?
[singing]
At the Chancellor's Regatta.
[playing guitar]
Yeah, now the whole presentation is so '90s indie rock, but--
[singing]
Yeah.
[playing guitar]
Throw in Shady Lane.
[singing]
Blind date with the Chancellor.
We had oysters and dry Lancers and the check when it arrived.
We went Dutch, Dutch, Dutch.
[singing]
A redder shade of neck on a whiter shade of trash.
And this emery board is giving me a rash.
I'm flat out.
[laughing]
[singing]
You're so beautiful to look at when you cry.
Freeze, don't move.
You've been chosen as an extra in the movie adaptation of the sequel to your life.
A shady lane.
Everybody wants one.
A shady lane.
Everybody needs one.
Oh my God, oh my God.
Oh my God, oh your God.
Oh his God, oh her God.
It's everybody's God.
The world's collide.
But all that we want is a shade.
Bam, bam, bam, bam.
I liked Pavement.
Let me go full circle here.
Yeah, wait, no.
Because I've always thought there was a Pavement vampire weekend connection.
More sort of in the lyrics.
I could see that.
Not so much in the guitar playing, but sort of the songwriting and the lyrics.
But going back 20 years ago, when I was huge Pavement head, when they were still a band.
You'd given Stephen Malcomus as your name.
Yeah, exactly.
It's a weird thing.
So I always thought there was a connection between Pavement and the dead.
Oh, right.
I've heard you say this before.
That was a very controversial opinion to have circa 1997.
Because in indie rock circles, when I was 20, the dead were just sacrilegious.
The dead were off limits.
Uncool.
And I grew up with the dead because my parents liked the dead.
I always loved the dead.
But I was like, there's a lot of crossover with the guitar playing.
And even the vocal affectation of Jerry and Stephen Malcomus, pretty nasally, pretty dry
and straightforward.
And yeah, unaffected.
And sometimes Robert Hunter's lyrics could have that same kind of mix of storytelling
and just like straight up surrealism.
Yeah, yeah, totally.
I remember people just being like, are you crazy?
And then I remember going to a Stephen Malcomus, a very, very early Malcomus and the Jicks
show, secret show in Portland circa like '99.
Like, right after Pavement broke up.
And it was a tiny show.
It was like maybe like 50 people there.
So after the show, I was like, yo, Steve, I was always wondering, dude, are you into
the dead?
He's just like backing up his guitar.
Yeah, he was just like chilling, just like having a beer at the bar.
Yeah.
And I was like, I was kind of nervous because I was a huge Pavement fan.
But I was like, Steve, gotta ask.
Yeah.
Deadhead?
And he was like, he played it.
I don't know.
He was like, yeah, I don't know.
I mean, I like some of the songs.
I like Boxer Rain.
Like that.
He kind of like wasn't like weighing in one way or the other.
But then smash cut 10 years later, the Jicks are covering China Cat.
Yeah, that's how it works.
Things go in and out of fashion.
Right.
And also as things age, their differences become lessened.
Right.
Yeah.
Like imagine some kid who doesn't even listen to rock music now and they hear you talking
about the contentious debates about the dead and indie rock circles in '97.
They're just like, it's all a bunch of old guitar s***, man.
Right.
Israel Koenig's Time Crisis.
Anyway, I don't know how it got done this whole.
But I was talking about my favorite Italian candy, which is Tic Tacs.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Oh, it's because we started talking about Facebook and.
Somehow we got into pavement.
We got into pavement.
So anyway, Tic Tacs, I didn't realize this because, you know, it's funny.
I would have guessed that Tic Tacs is owned by like Procter & Gamble or something.
But when you think about it, it is a dainty little candy.
It does have a kind of European sensibility.
It's not crazy to think about.
And so they were brought out in 1969 by the Italian company Ferrero.
That's tight.
They were originally called Refreshing Mints.
I guess they eventually changed the name Refreshing Mints to Tic Tacs.
And the Tic Tac referred to the sound that the container makes when open and close.
Okay.
So anyway, I didn't know until today that Tic Tacs were Italian, which makes me like them more.
But the thing that I learned about them on social media made me like them less.
And I can't remember exactly where I saw this, but it was in some meme or something.
So Tic Tacs, I don't think the box actually says sugar-free, but very prominently on a box of Tic Tacs,
it says zero calories per serving.
And it says zero grams of sugar per serving, implying that Tic Tacs are sugar-free.
Right.
And this is the thing about Tic Tacs.
There's nothing remotely sugar-free or non-caloric about Tic Tacs.
This is a fully cooked up fiction because Tic Tacs is taking full advantage of loopholes in the FDA's way of labeling things.
So Tic Tacs can really be out there calling themselves a zero calorie, zero sugar item.
And then you look at it, the number one ingredient of Tic Tacs is sugar.
Of course Tic Tacs are full of sugar.
And this is what it says on the Tic Tacs website if you go to the frequently asked questions on the Tic Tac websites.
The whole part of the website.
Yeah, they know nobody's going there.
Tic Tac mints do contain sugar as listed in the ingredient statement.
However, since the amount of sugar per serving, one mint.
Yeah, so by the way, the serving size of Tic Tacs is one mint.
That's whack.
Yeah, I've never had one Tic Tac in my life.
It's even very difficult to simply serve yourself one Tic Tac.
Yeah.
However, since the amount of sugar per serving, one mint, is less than 0.5 grams,
FDA labeling requirements permit the nutrition facts to state that there are 0 grams of sugar per serving.
So basically, if a serving size of something has less than 0.5 grams of sugar,
you're allowed to just round it down to zero.
That shouldn't be a rule to begin with.
And here's the amazing part.
It doesn't even matter how much sugar there is relative to the size of the portion.
So understandably, if you were selling like a foot-long sandwich that somehow had 0.5 grams of sugar
and you're like, "FDA, come on. We're giving people a big-ass sandwich that basically has no sugar.
Can we just call it zero sugar?"
Maybe that-- even that doesn't make that much sense.
But Tic Tacs, solely because the serving size is so small,
they can lie through their teeth and say that there's zero grams of sugar per serving.
It's crazy.
Why is that even a rule?
That's bonkers.
I mean, I'm sure if you're like diabetic or something where you really have to watch your sugar,
you've learned this lesson a long time ago, but it's just-- it's just wacky.
That's the funny thing about like companies being sketchy with really, really underestimating the serving size.
Right.
Very misleading.
All these nutrition facts, they just confuse people.
People, you're better off just saying, "I'm not going to have any sugar or like carbs for a while,"
rather than like finding all these like misleading things where it's like,
"Well, there is some sugar, but it's very high in protein."
Making you do the math.
So I was pretty negative on Tic Tacs once I found out that they were cooking the books like this.
It's just sketchy.
Wait, what's this Trump stuff here?
Well, remember that when Trump was saying all those horrible things on the Access Hollywood bus,
the infamous tape.
Yeah.
He was talking about needing Tic Tacs.
He was talking with the guy on the bus about Tic Tacs.
Yeah.
Which I guess was related to his like seducing women or something.
He needs to have that breath fresh.
He needed a good breath.
And Tic Tac denounced the candidate Trump and they tweeted,
"Tic Tac," not Tic Tacs, "Tic Tac respects all women."
No, you don't.
First of all, no, you don't.
I love this.
This inanimate object, a.k.a. candy, respects all women.
You don't respect women enough to keep it real with them about how much sugar is in your product.
Boom.
We find the recent statements and behavior completely inappropriate and unacceptable.
Tic Tac, you're 100% right.
Donald Trump's statements are completely inappropriate and unacceptable as far as the behavior of a human being goes.
As far as the behavior of a candy, we ask very little of you, arguably much less than we ask of a human being.
Just be straightforward.
Just be straightforward.
About your ingredients.
Yeah.
That's all we ask.
This is the cognitive dissonance.
Number one ingredient, sugar.
Amount of sugar per serving, zero grams.
Insane.
Why don't they say .5 grams?
Because the FDA doesn't make them.
You give them an inch.
Tic Tac, if you're listening, because we know you're such a strong advocate of women.
The Ferraro Corporation, if you're listening.
Well, I don't know how the Ferraro Corporation feels, but I know that Tic Tac got on Twitter and was willing to speak truth to power to our sexist piece of s*** president.
So, oh, God.
Imagine if, like, Trump off the back of that, the way that he got elected was, like, everybody was like, whoa, even Tic Tac's coming for Trump.
And that was a feeling.
Tic Tac.
He's basically admitting to sexual assault, and then people are like, he's not going to get out of this one, remember?
And then the way he got out was like.
He got out.
You know, I got Tic Tac coming for me, talking about they respect women.
These lying crooks.
They're talking about.
They're talking about it being zero grams of sugar.
Do you believe this?
What is it with these people and their numbers?
Can you imagine, like, on the debate stage with Hillary.
That's some crooked Tic Tac.
I remember listening to Trump talk about the serving sides of Tic Tac's, just like stone faced.
God.
But you know what?
I do.
I think they do make sugar free Tic Tac's.
That's the hilarious part.
Diet.
Yeah, there's sugar free Tic Tac's.
I just want to, like, go into, like, a CVS and be like, sir, do you have, like, sugar free Tic Tac's?
Like, oh, yeah, right there.
They're like, what's the difference?
I'm looking at the.
I'm looking at the health information on the back.
They both seem to have zero grams of sugar.
Yeah, does the CVS manager get that granular with his knowledge of the products?
It occurs to me that if a product has zero grams of sugar, it is in fact sugar free.
Hence, the idea of there being a sugar free Tic Tac makes no sense at all.
Riddle me this, sir.
Anyway, boycott security.
Anyway, should we boycott Tic Tac's?
I don't eat them.
I'm an Altoids guy.
Interesting.
Altoids have sugar.
Yeah, I'm not worried about it.
I'm not scarfing handfuls of Altoids.
One at a time?
I'm doing like two, three a day.
Don't you find they're not powerful enough, though?
No.
It's very kind of dull.
Altoids were billed as being the curiously strong mint.
Tic Tac is comparatively weak.
What am I thinking of then?
Mentos is not very strong.
Yeah, you're right.
It's funny how Altoids, I guess they are originally English, and they always had this kind of upper crust sensibility.
I love the tin, I gotta tell you.
The tin is nice, and I feel like they really tried to brand it on some Harry Potter s***.
There would always be an English person, like Altoids, curiously strong mint.
I think that Tic Tacs now is neither here nor there.
Do you stand for women, or are you lying to them and their other gendered counterparts?
I think if Altoids is like the English one, Mentos always came across as kind of like East Block, Czech Republic vibe.
I think Tic Tacs should get back to their Italian heritage.
That'd be cool.
What is the most popular mint in America?
Seinfeld, can I get a number crunch?
Coming up.
You want to guess?
Should I just tell you?
Wait, let's guess.
Is it not Tic Tac?
It's not Tic Tac.
It's not Altoids.
It is Altoids.
Oh, really?
Altoids are more popular than Tic Tacs?
I'm surprised, too.
That's because they keep it real.
By hair.
They're straightforward.
By how much?
By, looks like about 1%.
So they're tied for first, basically.
Number three?
I'm actually surprised by that.
What's number three?
I don't think you're going to guess this one.
It's Ice Breakers.
That's not gum?
It's kind of a gum hybrid, I would say.
I feel like it's somewhere between Altoids and Mentos.
But how do you hybridize that?
Neither of those are gum.
You chew and you swallow, a gum you spit out.
Although Mentos makes gum.
Have you ever had Mentos gum?
It's so confusing because the original Mentos is so close to being a gum.
This show.
We don't talk about mints enough on Time Crisis.
I like this.
We should do another mints episode.
Anyway, we're about to get on the phone.
You pronounce his name Phil Matarese or Phil Matarese?
I would say the second one, but yeah, we should ask him.
It's Phil Matarese.
Phil Matarese is the creator and star of Animals on HBO.
It's a funny cartoon on HBO.
New season starts August 3rd.
He also makes music under the name Phil's Pills.
He's a lifelong chips lover with a concentration on Doritos.
Seinfeld 2000 got in touch with him because he wrote a little chain,
a little thread on Doritos.
You can tell this guy's a real Doritos head.
He's also a media industry professional.
This is what he wrote on Twitter.
"I try not to be too serious on here, but something has been happening over the
past year lately that I find deeply, deeply troubling.
Doritos Blaze was released January 2018."
Now, I didn't even know about this.
Did you know that they dropped a new Doritos this year?
Nope.
Out of the loop.
Recently on Time Crisis, we've been less interested in Doritos.
We've been focusing more on mints, Tic Tacs, Altoids, things of that nature.
So, we've been slacking.
So, anyway, Doritos dropped something called Blaze in January 2018.
According to Phil, it is a bull redundant Dorito.
It's got no point of view and is, in my opinion, spicy for spicy's sake.
The original rollout's bag heat marks hands on it, which is so, so lame,
but here's why this matters.
So, look at this, Jake.
This is the bag of Blaze, and it has almost like these red hot fingers on it.
I'm seeing it.
As if even gripping the bag would cause fire or lava.
You know what it reminds me of is the Coors Light super cold can.
Yeah.
Where there's some sort of weird thermal reading where if it's super cold--
Oh, the mountains change colors?
Yeah, it goes to blue or something.
Just real whack.
And so, the reason that Phil's so upset about this is the Doritos brand has cannibalized
one of their most beloved flavors, sweet chili spice.
So, even then, I'm like, "This guy's a super Doritos head."
He's a head.
Because to even call sweet chili spicy--
A classic.
Yeah, to me, the classics are--
Nacho cheese.
Nacho cheese and ranch.
Yeah, that's it.
Democrats and Republicans, man.
Binary, but Phil clearly, he's a third party guy.
On my walk today, I stopped by three stores and none of them had it.
Two had Blaze, and that's not okay because it's my favorite.
So, basically, this new one, Blaze, is supplanting his favorite.
Blaze is now the third purple bag on the Doritos primary roster.
I'm very worried for the future SSC.
Sweet spicy chili.
Here's what you can do to help.
Don't buy Blaze and buy the shit out of sweet spicy chili.
If you want spicy, go for Flama's, Tapatio, or my second favorite, Salsa Verde.
You know what's so weird about this is in Canada, sweet spicy chili is called sweet chili heat.
Really?
Yeah.
Sweet chili heat.
Seems like an arbitrary--
Sweet chili.
So, anyway, we gotta get Phil on the phone.
I gotta write a song called Sweet Chili Heat.
Jake's making a note on his phone.
I'm making a note.
She's my sweet, sweet chili heat.
Now, let's go to the Time Crisis Hotline.
[phone ringing]
Hey, is that Phil?
Yes, this is Phil.
Hey, Phil, how are you doing?
You're on Time Crisis with Ezra and Jake.
Hey, Ezra, how's it going, man?
Hey, Jake, how's it going, pal?
Hey, what's up?
Great to have you on the show, man.
Fan of your work, fan of Animals.
First question, though, did not know how to pronounce your last name.
Oh, yeah, just flatten it out, man, Matt-a-reece.
It's not like too Italian or anything like that, just Matt-a-reece.
Okay, 'cause I was saying it real Italian before.
All right, Phil Matt-a-reece.
How do you say your last name?
That's a good question.
My family actually says Canig, but everybody always says Conig, so we kind of like gave up.
[laughing]
I was basically raised not to correct people 'cause they're always like,
"None of these are the real pronunciations. Maybe you feel the same way."
It's like in the homeland, they pronounce it differently.
It's a mess. The surnames are a mess.
Dave, what's your last name?
Longstreath.
Oh, yeah, Longstreath, Phil. That's easy.
Yeah, nobody's getting that wrong.
People do. They say Longstretch.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
That happens all the time.
Pete, are you on Twitter with your brother? I'm probably going to see you guys in L.A.
I'm not, but I'll be at the L.A. shows in attendance.
You guys can have a beer together.
So, Phil, we were just reading through some of your Doritos tweets.
So, Jake and I would love to talk about Doritos,
but we got to admit that you seem like a true Doritos head
because you refer to spicy sweet chili as a beloved Doritos flavor.
That's barely even on our radar, man.
So, have you just always been a huge Doritos fan or what?
Yeah, it's pretty ingrained in who I am.
I have a very early distinct memory of my grandma introducing me to Cool Ranch Doritos
and literally thinking, like, my grandma is, like, pretty cool.
I didn't know this, but my grandma is pretty cool.
She's got the hook up with some crazy shit.
So, it's, like, deep-seated into me.
Personally, I think chips are, like, the best food,
and I think Doritos are the best version of the best food.
So, I'm, like, I'm kind of a nut job about Doritos, yes.
And so you have Doritos in your home, your abode?
You know what, gang?
I try not to keep them in there because once I get to big bags,
I usually just eat the whole thing or I come close to it.
I'm like a dog with dog food where I'll just keep eating until I get sick.
So, what I like to do is I like to, like, you know, if I'm out and about,
if I'm getting gas or something, I'll go in and I'll get a smaller bag.
Probably not as good for the environment because I'm using more packaging,
but you got to do what you got to do, gang.
And your favorite flavor is--see, I'm confused about this
because some of the bags say Spicy Sweet Chili,
but you also called it Sweet Chili Spice--what is it?
I probably just got it wrong.
I'll be honest, it's kind of a clunky name.
It is Spicy Sweet Chili.
Seinfeld2000 was telling us in Canada where he comes from,
what's it called?
Sweet Chili Heat.
Sweet, sweet chili heat.
We just wrote a song.
Seems like an arbitrary change on that title for the Canadian market,
but there you have it.
See, I'm starting to see some problems already with my favorite flavor.
It's that it's, like, up north we're getting a different name.
We can't get the name right here in America.
Gang, what's your take on Doritos?
Where do you guys stand?
So I'm guessing you're probably in the nacho cheese, Cool Ranch world.
Exactly.
Jake and I are kind of meat and potatoes, guys.
Those are the two that we're familiar with.
Everything beyond that I consider, like, a novelty.
Like Doritos 3D?
What was that?
That's one-off sort of stuff.
They do that kind of stuff here and there.
But Spicy Sweet Chili, that was a primary roster.
I would say Salsa Verde is a primary roster as well as probably Spicy Nacho.
That would be, like--
Salsa Verde.
Wait, so wait, how big is the primary roster?
Like if I go into just like a Vons or like an Arco gas station.
That's an issue I'm having right now with my favorite flavor.
We'll get to that in a moment.
But I think about four, I would say.
So Doritos, Cool Ranch, always going to be everywhere, basically no matter where you go.
After that, my personal experience, even having moved from New Jersey,
Pennsylvania, New York to out here in Los Angeles,
I've been able to get Spicy Sweet Chili pretty regularly at gas stations,
your Wawa's, your food stores, as well as Spicy Nacho.
So I guess those would be my primary roster.
That's the top four.
And it sounds like you're, like, spicy.
Yeah, I do.
But I have a limit.
And I'll tell you what, the new mother [bleep] that came out of the gate, Blaze, is too spicy.
It's knocking Spicy Sweet Chili off of the primary roster.
That's my big issue.
That's what I keep griping about online.
It tastes like nothing.
It's just spicy for spicy's sake.
It's vague, uncharacteristic flavor.
And it's a purple bag.
So I know that sounds silly, but this is now the third Doritos purple bag that's in production right now,
number one being Spicy Sweet Chili, number two being the tasty and very spicy Flamas,
and number three being this mother [bleep] Blaze that came out of nowhere.
And I live in a pretty foot-trafficky area of Los Angeles, Echo Parks,
and I've been able to get Spicy Sweet Chili pretty regularly from varying corporate levels of, like, a 7-Eleven,
a liquor store near me, an AM/PM, and then just, like, a small little bodega thing.
And four out of five places near my house, guys, have Blaze, but none of them carry Spicy Sweet Chili anymore.
That's wild.
I wonder how this works.
Like, maybe on some very, like, straight-up level, the local Doritos distributor is going to these stores and saying,
"Listen, we're trying to push Blaze right now, so tailor your orders around it.
If you take three bags of Blaze, we'll give you a discount."
You know, like, maybe there truly is a top-down directive to kind of phase out SSC and move in Blaze.
Oh, I bet there is.
Ice Watt.
It's interesting, too, the way you're talking about Blaze, because the first thing that came to mind is, like,
you're somebody who likes spicy Doritos, so already you're a little bit left of center.
You're not, like, a down-the-middle kind of guy, not a nacho cheese Cool Ranch guy.
And then something comes out that is even further to the left of what you like.
It's beyond the pale.
It makes me think a little bit about, like, the directors and the fans who were into, like, kind of classic horror movies,
which in the '80s seemed so violent, like Freddy, Friday the 13th, all that stuff.
And then you get to the Saw era, just, like, the torture movies, and then suddenly you have a lot of people pushing back,
being like, "This is not what the horror genre is all about. This is just gross-out bulls--t."
And then everybody's like, "I thought this is what you wanted."
Amen, brother.
And they're like, "No, no, no. Just because I like something a little bit violent onscreen
does not mean that I want it cranked to 200."
Incredible analogy.
It really came to mind very strongly.
We don't need that.
Oh, right, when Trump came to office, everybody was saying that.
I know, like, it might seem, like, so crazy and obviously in the grand scheme of things,
compared to all these terrible things that are happening.
It doesn't mean a lot, but--
Well...
Well, no, but I mean, it's interesting to always look for the metaphors in our culture,
and Doritos are part of our culture.
I know what you mean, too.
There is something about, like, if spicy used to mean an alternate flavor on the spectrum
for people who wanted something with a little bit of kick,
and then they're giving something that essentially is just to, like, torture people,
people who are so numb to the sweet, spicy chilis of the world,
that they just want something that just, like, almost just hurts them.
It's extremist.
So in some weird way, it's like, when things are pushed to an extreme, it's like,
yeah, what's going on in a country where people need to, like, hurt themselves--
Yeah, just to feel something.
And you think about, like, the prevalence of sriracha, too.
I remember the first time I had it, whenever that was, maybe, like, ten years ago now,
to me, it was so spicy.
It was, like, the craziest thing to put on your food, but now I almost, like, treat it like ketchup.
So maybe there is a slight, I don't know, evolutionary--
No, and you're right, like, if you're--
There's definitely, like, places where just that.
Some people grow up with spicy food and some people don't,
but it sounds like Blaze is going beyond any kind of recorded culture
that any anthropologist has ever seen.
Blaze is amoral.
Yeah, Blaze is amoral.
I think it is.
The chips themselves actually have way more seasoning on it, too.
You look at, like, a nacho cheese, it's, like, a beautiful thing.
You can see the tortilla under it, all that sort of stuff,
but this thing is, like, a piece of sandpaper, almost, with the amount of seasoning left on it.
It's really kind of grotesque.
Yeah, it's strange.
I want to make a commercial for Doritos Blaze.
That's just the Johnny Cash Nine Inch Nails cover.
I hurt myself today to see if I still--
All right, well, Phil, thanks so much for calling in.
We hope you'll call in again and talk about Doritos.
Real quick question, because this has been brewing on the show for a few months,
because the word "chip" connotes different things to different people.
I assume for you, the first chip you think of as Doritos for other people
might be a potato chip like Lay's.
If you were having a party and you sent your friend out,
they said, "Can I go grab anything from the corner store?"
And you said, "Sure, I've already got a bunch of beer. Grab some chips."
And they came back with a whole bunch of Cheetos.
Would you think that was weird?
I would think that's weird. I wouldn't be too happy with that.
It's too much of a swing in one direction. It's too niche of a thing.
And you're not getting the same mouth sensation as a chip
when you were asking for something as specific as a chip.
You want a very specific crunch.
Right. It's not a chip. On a very basic level, they disobeyed the order.
It's not a chip.
That is not a good friend. That is not a good friend.
Not a good listener, I think.
I don't know why some people think-- and look, I love Cheetos.
I have nothing against Cheetos, but it's just fundamentally--
that would be like if you asked somebody to go grab some chips
and they came back with a big box of saltines.
What's the difference? Jake's shaking his head.
No, that would drive me up the wall.
What about goldfish?
Are goldfish for children or adults?
I think goldfish are for children. Frankly, I don't care for goldfish.
It gets all too gummed up in my teeth.
You have like four and all of a sudden it's just-- it's kind of just a round.
That's a great point. That's just a great point.
You know what I just thought of talking to Phil too?
It's very dry.
It's so dry.
But another thought I just had talking to Phil,
because we talk about goldfish all the time on this show.
It's a great show, Phil.
You know one-- yeah.
I got to get off the music, gang.
It's an excellent radio show.
But you know how we really know that goldfish are for children?
It's because there's no goldfish blaze.
There's no three alarm fire spicy goldfish.
Because you would--
Well, they keep it classy.
No, it's because you would never feed that to children.
No, the blaze is for children.
No.
Man children.
Okay, maybe for man children.
But no, there's like rainbow goldfish.
There's all-- there's different types of goldfish.
But there's no five alarm spicy nacho chili heat.
You're not going to see that under the Pepperidge Farm banner.
Yeah, no, Pepperidge--
It's a classy company.
No, because Pepperidge Farm is like-- is old school like Puritan.
No spice.
Yeah.
Yeah, no spice.
You're not going to see blaze in a Ziploc bag anytime soon.
Pepperidge Farm is waspy.
They traced their heritage all the way directly back to England.
No spice.
All right, we figured something out.
All right, thanks so much for calling in, Phil,
and everybody boycott Doritos Blaze.
Please do.
Buy spicy sweet chili or sweet spicy chili or spicy sweet heat if you're in Canada.
Thanks for having me, dudes.
All right, have a good one, man.
Have a good night.
Thank you.
Peace.
[MUSIC - THE KILLA, "YALI YALI YALI"]
[MUSIC - THE KILLA, "YALI YALI YALI"]
You're listening to Time Crisis on Beat One.
All right, we're now joined in the studio by Chris Baio.
Welcome back to the program.
Pleasure to be back.
You're kind of a Doritos guy, right?
Yeah, I haven't been for a while.
I guess we were just talking off mic about Doritos.
But I've lived in England the last five years.
But they're not as spicy over there.
It's interesting to come in the middle of that conversation
because I haven't tried these Blays,
and I'm curious how they relate to the other.
Oh, yeah, you love spicy stuff.
Yeah, I might feel differently from Phil,
but I have to try it before I can definitively weigh in.
But yeah, I always liked spicy nacho when I was growing up.
We got to get you some Doritos, Blays.
Yeah, I'd love that.
Off mic about Doritos is the best phrase ever.
We had a hot mic, hot Doritos conversation.
So, Chris, last time you were on the show,
you were telling us about your relationship to Sting and Shaggy,
who recently put out an album.
And I'll say that things have only heated up between me and them since then.
So we were talking to you as the rollout was happening for the Sting and Shaggy album.
Yeah.
So what's been the fallout since the album?
Fallout?
I mean, I feel like in America it didn't get great reviews.
There's some haters.
Well, I think that a lot of the reviews did point out
and notice that they have like an undeniable chemistry.
And it is even like some of the maybe mediocre reviews would point out that like,
you know, Sting sounds like he's having a great time.
He hasn't sounded fun on a record in forever.
And you kind of can't knock that ultimately.
Right.
It went in at number one.
I looked this up before I came over here in Argentina, Austria, Poland, and Germany.
What about America?
It went in at number 40 in America.
Wow.
So there was actually an interview with Shaggy about it,
and he said that he feels like the U.S. market is so like obsessed with youth
that that was kind of what hurt them.
You know, he's kind of right.
I think that's always been the case a little bit.
Like I always noticed even in the U.K.,
which is not so different from America in many ways,
over there it's like the kind of classic U.K. aging song.
Like a Paul Weller album would always be number one.
Yeah, definitely.
People who are like a Noel Gallagher, Liam Gallagher.
I guess in America like a Bruce Springsteen album would probably go to number one.
Really?
Like a new Springsteen record?
I think so.
I don't know, maybe.
I have no idea.
I find that shocking.
But generally speaking, I think Shaggy's right.
Yeah, so like to use that example, it went in at number nine in England as opposed to 40 here.
How did it do in Jamaica?
Yeah, I have no idea actually.
America's one of the most like ageist, Marcus.
Yeah, interesting.
But I bet they'll sell some tickets.
Oh yeah, definitely.
Are they doing a tour?
Yeah, I mean they're doing all Europe.
Now because I've been so outspoken in my support of Sting and Shaggy,
people kind of come at me with information,
either insider or, you know, stuff that's on TV that I'll miss.
But like I know that they're going to be playing somewhere near where we are right now sometime in the fall.
But I don't want to jump on their announcement because I don't believe it's been announced yet.
But I'm getting like some really dope insider info on Sting and Shaggy.
In addition to like just having people message me,
like they were on Watch What Happens Live a couple weeks ago and they really crushed it.
So they're still having a good time doing press.
They were so good on Watch What Happens Live.
They played this game with Andy Cohen called It Wasn't Me or Was It?
And Andy Cohen would like read a fact and they would both say it wasn't me.
And Andy would try and judge from their acting who the fact pertained to.
And he only got one out of six right.
They were such good actors.
It'd be stuff like this guy got his name from a sweater that he wore.
And Sting would say it wasn't me. Shaggy would say it wasn't me.
Oh, that is a tough one. I know the answer is Sting, but Shaggy makes more sense.
Yeah, Andy Cohen said Shaggy and he got it wrong.
Wow.
I mean, they were on Tonight Show with Adam Sandler, a.k.a. The Sandman.
There was a really good photo of Shaggy with Adam Sandler on Shaggy's socials that are really dog.
Well, I don't know if you know, they were also on Ebro's show right here on Beats 1.
Oh, and you can check that out if you dig into the Apple Music archives.
Do that first.
Maybe we should try to get them on this show.
I'm sure they would.
Let's take this all the way.
I mean, see, Time Crash, we really stopped having like the kind of big celebrity guests.
We basically don't have people come on when they're on their like their press tours.
Right.
We have kind of friends and family or kind of experts like Phil Matariz talking about Doritos.
In the early days, we had, you know, Jamie Foxx.
Yeah.
Who else we have? Mark Ronson, Florence.
Yeah, that's hilarious. I think about the early time crises where it's kind of me in New York just figuring stuff out.
And it's like just interviewing like Mark and Florence. Feels like a distant memory now.
I remember like the second show I did with you.
You were like, yeah, Jamie Foxx is coming in.
And I was like, what is this show?
I don't have anything to add to that conversation.
Jamie, I'm going to stop you right there.
I got to disagree with you, man.
I mean, I think you guys should have Sting and Shaggy when they're coming through.
I think it'd be cool. Sting and Shaggy.
I wonder if when they go on tour, they'll be dropping some of their solo hits.
Oh, absolutely.
Neither of them are going to leave the stage the whole time.
I think they have to figure out what Shaggy is going to do during like police songs.
But Sting will play bass on It Wasn't Me, stuff like that.
Oh, that's sick.
No, it's going to be fun. I hope I get to see it.
Fields of gold right into It Wasn't Me.
Yeah, totally.
Tight.
That makes a world of sense.
I'm an eagle alien. I'm an Englishman in New York.
Maybe Shaggy will rap over some of this stuff.
Yeah, and do some like hype man s***.
Yeah.
It'd be interesting.
♪ Deputy ♪
Yeah, with Sting, it's tough because he just has so many hits from his like police days.
You could just turn it into a police show all of a sudden.
I think they'll work it out. I have all faith that they'll make it.
Well, that's exciting.
Yeah, definitely. I'm psyched on it.
♪ Why someone told me yesterday ♪
♪ That when you show your love away ♪
♪ You act as if you just don't care ♪
♪ You look as if you're going somewhere ♪
♪ But I just can't convince myself ♪
♪ I couldn't live with no one else ♪
♪ And I can only play that part ♪
♪ And sit and nurse my broken heart ♪
♪ So lonely, so lonely, so lonely, so lonely ♪
♪ So lonely, so lonely, so lonely, so lonely ♪
So we're going to do the world premiere of a remix that you did for Sting and Shaggy.
That's correct. They were kind enough to ask me if I'd be interested in remixing one of the songs on their album.
And I picked the song "Dreaming in the USA" partially because I know it's Shaggy's favorite song on the album.
And it was really, really fun to work on it.
And it was pretty crazy to sort of download the stems and be able to hear an isolated Sting vocal,
someone who I've been listening to my whole life.
Oh, yeah, that is crazy.
It was very, very cool and very, very grateful that they asked me.
And that you guys are premiering. Have you premiered other tracks on this show?
I think we have here and there.
It's called like hottest record in the world on BBC One, world record on Beats One.
What's it called on TC? What's a TC premiere called?
We don't have a drop because we do it so infrequently.
You should make one.
What are the Doritos called in Canada again?
Sweet Chili Heat.
[laughter]
This is the time crisis. Sweet Chili Heat.
Sweet Chili Heat, world premiere brought to you by Doritos. Sweet Chili Heat.
[laughter]
You know what? People always wonder if Time Crisis is sponsored.
The only corporation that we're affiliated with is Apple Corps.
But it'd be funny if we just like retroactively started hitting up some of the companies that we talk about
and just be like, hey, listen, the guy's been talking about you a lot.
I know we probably should have asked on the front end, but you kick a little bit of money towards old TC.
Come on. So anyway, here's the Time Crisis Sweet Chili Heat track of the day.
This is the Baeo remix of Dreaming in the USA by Sting and Shaggy.
Time Crisis.
This is the Time Crisis Sweet Chili Heat.
Sweet Chili Heat, world premiere brought to you by Doritos. Sweet Chili Heat.
Sick.
Dreaming.
I'm dreaming.
You see, Kavisa, you're dreaming of the USA.
It's never easy, you're looking for another way.
God bless America, dreaming of the USA.
Are we hysterical, dreaming of the United States?
Dreaming.
I'm dreaming.
Time Crisis with Ezra Koenig.
Beats 1.
That's the world premiere, everybody check it out.
And check out the Sting and Shaggy album.
What's it called again?
44876.
Alright, it's time for the top five.
You guys ready?
It's time for the top five on iTunes.
So this week we're going to be comparing the top five songs on iTunes right now
with the billboard hits of this week in 1969.
Why 1969?
That was the year that Tic Tacs was first introduced to the market.
Right, originally called Refreshing Mints.
Right.
Until people heard that Tic Tac sound when you flip open that little box.
A red letter date in the history of mints.
1969, a very tumultuous time in American history.
It's the year of Woodstock, right?
Yeah, man.
Woodstock and Tic Tacs, Refreshing Mints.
The number five song that year, 1969, was by an artist called Mercy.
The song Love Can Make You Happy.
Do you guys know that by the title?
Not by the title.
No.
The band was formed in Tampa, Florida.
That's cool.
Oh, I like that.
Oh, this sounds vibey.
It's nice.
Oh, yeah.
It's just like that classic kind of like schlocky song that's kind of on
trend with like the cool stuff.
Yeah, it's sort of like--
The hippie era.
Hippie, dippy, but professional.
Yeah, it's like kind of the association or the hair soundtrack.
It's like a slight rip of--
Groovin' on a Sunday afternoon.
It also reminds me of the film Zodiac.
Is this in the film Zodiac?
I can't say that it was.
It feels like this is in the movie.
Yeah.
Love Zodiac.
It's a great movie.
Well, not off to a strong start in 1969.
I would say pretty strong.
That's not that strong.
I give that song a B.
You just love the late '60s.
It's true.
Because it paved the way for the tasteful palette of the 1970s.
You're not wrong.
Let's see if old 2018--
Holds it down.
--can hold it down.
Leading into our summer of love, 2018, we got maybe the biggest rock band
in the world, Imagination Dragons.
I think this is the song that's been on the charts for a while,
Whatever It Takes.
Is this the kind of rap one?
Whatever It Takes.
2018's not a peace and love year, man.
It's a little more combative, you know?
Well, '69 wasn't a peace year either, bro.
It's got a Cotton Eye Joe kind of vibe to it.
Oh, yeah, I can see that.
That's a tight call.
Thanks.
That's a song in the whack.
That's kind of a good call, Seinfeld.
Thank you.
This song rolls too.
This song is so much better.
So much better.
It is.
It's insane that that was a hit back in the day.
It's wild.
Is that a sample or is that just some old guy--
But it is a traditional song.
Yeah, right.
Cotton Eye Joe.
It's funny, you take these timeless melodies and then you put like a--
You put the kind of--
Whatever It Takes, man.
Why are there less novelty hits now?
That's a good question.
Like, I mean, there happened to be quite a few in the late '90s, early 2000s.
Definitely.
[singing]
Every time I ever used to like DJ, at some point I'd always end up into like
a Cotton Eye Joe, I'm blue, baba diva, da-ba, kind of moment.
Would it go off?
Oh, yeah, people love that [bleep]
Nice.
Although this is streaming service DJing, so just like lots of holes between everything.
Lots of weights.
Then the people appreciate when you play the song more because they have to wait a little longer for it.
What's coming next?
No, but it's a good question.
Why are there less novelty hits?
I mean, there was a huge one a few years ago.
What was it called?
What Does the Fox?
Oh, that one.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know it.
It was also kind of like--
What Sound Does the Fox Make?
Oh, yeah.
It was like some Norwegian guys making kind of an EDM track,
and the whole song was like, "This animal makes this sound, and this animal makes this sound,"
and then it was kind of like, "What Does the Fox?"
Yeah, it was kind of like Gangnam Style era.
Oh, that's a good--
I guess that was the last wave.
Was Gangnam Style a novelty hit?
I think so.
I'd say so.
What Does the Fox Say?
Jesus.
Yeah.
Huh.
Dog goes woof, cat goes meow, bird goes tweet, and mouse goes squeak, cow goes moo--
You don't remember this, Jake?
No, I've never heard it.
This is a major tune four or five years ago.
Dog goes toot, dog say quack, then fish go blub, and the seal goes ow, ow, ow--
It's funny, though, because the only part that's novelty is the lyrics.
Oh, yeah.
The music's very straightforward.
It's kind of sad.
What Does the Fox Say?
*Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding*
Didn't see that coming.
Nope.
*What the fuck, say!
Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh*
*Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh*
*What the fuck, say!*
This was a hit?
Yeah, I bet- I bet the video for that song probably has-
Simon, let's get a number crunch.
*laughs*
Over/Under a Billion.
That one- Under. Under. Under?
Okay, but like- Are there videos with a billion on it?
Oh, there's videos- The Gangnam Style has like two or three billion.
What?
That was the first one to cross a billion, right?
Oh my god.
752 million views.
For What Does the Fox Say?
Yeah.
*What does the fox say?
Ding ding ding ding ding ding*
Okay, back to 1969.
The number four song, Isley Brothers.
*music*
Pretty cool.
*music*
Nice.
This is a great song. It's like, been a little like, commercialed out.
Sure.
*music*
I mean, but it's a- it's a cool song.
*music*
Wendy's new Caesar salad.
I know, it's like such a commercial song now.
On the run, on the go.
Like, it would go so perfect with the new Diet Coke campaign.
Oh yeah, dude.
The only reason they probably didn't do it is because I'm sure they used it before.
Right.
Like, Cindy Crawford pounding a Diet Coke.
*music*
You could drive a different car.
But why would you?
*music*
The new beer-battered shrimp at Long John Silver's.
*laughing*
*music*
Curbside pickup at Applebee's.
*laughing*
*music*
Lonnie, tell your dad the McRib is back.
*laughing*
Plug in that chest freezer.
*laughing*
Dope song, though.
It's a great song.
*music*
Hockey.
Maple syrup.
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
Here we go.
All these things make us Canadian.
But what really makes us Canadian...
is sweet chili heat Doritos.
*laughing*
The slightly differently...
*laughing*
The American Doritos with a slightly different name.
Pick up a pack.
*music*
Good song.
Let's see how 2018 competes.
Christine Aguilera. Oh.
Oh.
It's been a while.
She's doing a comeback.
Hello, old friend.
*laughing*
Bam.
This is from her album called Liberation.
New record.
Is it out yet?
Uh, no. I think this is the first single, actually.
And it's featuring Demi Lovato.
*music*
Have you heard this yet?
Either of you guys?
No.
Any of you?
Wait, first, I just gotta say, how hilarious is it that, like, in 2018 you hear that and you're like,
"Okay. Alright, I see what you're doing."
*laughing*
It's like, "Okay."
That sounds like a 30-something pop star launching a comeback.
Whereas, like, imagine you just, like, played this for somebody in 1969.
*music*
You're like, "What the f*** is this?"
*laughing*
And we're just like, "Okay. Uh-huh. Right. I get it."
*music*
Wow, this is slow.
*music*
She's coming back. It's cool.
*music*
Interesting.
*music*
So some people have been calling this a kind of empowerment anthem for the Me Too era.
Sure, yeah. Getting that.
Cautionary tale, kind of.
*music*
Nice.
*music*
I wonder if this will be, like, a hit. It's pretty weird.
It's real heavy.
It's heavy and weird.
I mean, musically and lyrically.
One thing about Christina Aguilera, hell of a voice.
Oh, yeah.
Like, she's not for everybody, but she's undeniably one of the great singers of her era.
Yeah.
She was, like, positioned as being part of that wave of, like, the girl bands and the boy bands and the NSYNC, Britney, Jessica Simpson's 98 Degrees.
That was kind of her era. That TRL era.
And of all those people, she was the one who was kind of, like, the most technically proficient singer.
She had chops.
Yeah, she had--
It must have been funny for her to be, like, grouped in with Britney and be like, "Uh, yeah, I can sing, though."
I'm sure she felt that way.
Yeah, I'm sure.
"Britney can sing, but Britney--"
Not really.
I mean--
Britney does, like, a character.
She can't do the Christina Aguilera--
She's like Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera.
Yeah, or, like, she can mimic kind of, like, Whitney Houston-style melismatic runs.
Well, like, Britney couldn't sing this song just straight up.
I mean, forget about the runs.
You're throwing the gauntlet down on her?
You challenging her to sing that song?
Absolutely.
I mean, I like some of Britney's pop songs.
They're fun songs.
Oh, yeah.
She has a lot of great songs.
Yeah.
And she--
I mean, I might--
In terms of, like, a fun, enjoyable listening experience, I would go Britney over Christina.
So you prefer Britney's oeuvre, but you think Christina blows her out of the way in terms of technicality?
I mean, I don't think that's even an argument that you could counter.
But, yeah.
Right, but--
I guess the argument would be, like, Britney's songs are more fun.
Your favorite bands are Pavement and Guided by Voices.
Yep.
So you're kind of like Eddie Van Halen can do things technically on the guitar that none of the dudes in these--
Those bands can-- sure.
But you would still-- you prefer them to Van Halen?
Yeah.
That's debatable.
I like Vampire Weekend, too.
Oh!
Not a lot of chops in that band.
I've been practicing my skills.
12-minute Cape Cod.
Oh, now it's 12-minute?
What was it, 8-minute?
It was 8-minute before.
Is it on your shirt?
I'm wearing the tee.
8-minute Cape Cod.
Jake's got one of the new tie-dyes.
No, but you're right.
The truth is, I've always valued vibe over technical proficiency.
Sure.
It's gotten me this far.
But as I get older, as you get older and, like, the vibe wears off, I do start to admire just, like, Shredder--
Cold technicians.
I do start to-- I kind of do.
Like, I agree.
Like, I generally go for vibe.
And Britney also, I've connected with more of her songs.
And she actually has-- she's written some-- one thing about Britney, she's not one of the pop stars who forces her name onto things she didn't write.
I've always heard that about her from people who worked with her.
But she actually has written on some songs, including this one song called "Every Time."
It's really beautiful.
And she actually wrote that song herself.
Tight.
Don't know it.
I think also as you get older, like, binaries become less important.
Absolutely.
So the same way that when you're young, you're just like, "What is that guitar center s--t? It sucks."
I like noisy, messy s--t that has heart.
And then you get older and you're like, "It really takes all kinds."
And you're like, "80s Clapton is great."
I never connected with Clapton.
And I'm sure I will.
[singing] It's the way that you use it.
[laughing]
Back to 1969, the number three song, "The Beatles."
Wow.
Okay, let me guess.
[singing] Lady Madonna.
Close.
Oh, okay.
I always consider this one of the more whatever Beatles songs.
I feel you.
It's a great song, but it's just like--it's them doing kind of like a fake rock and roll--
Yeah, like a canned heat kind of--
Yeah.
[singing] Joe Joe left his home in Tucson, Arizona.
This song does have a lot of Sweet Chili Heat in it, though.
[singing] Get back, get back, get back to where you once belonged.
This could also be a commercial.
"It's the little things that make us Canadian."
[laughing]
Applebee's classic menu.
Some of our classic entrees for under $9.99.
Chicken Verde Fajitas, $7.99.
It's like a Canadian road tripper, hitchhiker crossing the border,
and he's having a hard time getting home to Canada,
and he just can't wait to get home, and he's all dusty and loses his bags,
and almost gets in a crash on the bus, and then he finally gets home,
and his wife is there with open arms, and he just goes right past her to the kitchen
to rip open that bag of Sweet Chili Heat.
Get back.
I mean, it's just--it's a Beatles song.
That's definitely not one of my favorite Beatles songs, but it is good.
You can't front.
♪ Sweet Chili Heat ♪
This episode is called "Sweet Chili Heat."
Definitely.
♪ Sweet Chili Heat ♪
Just throw that out there.
The number three song in 2018, "Cane Brown."
You guys know "Cane Brown"?
No.
How do you spell "cane"?
It's K-A-N-E, cane, like the wrestler.
You remember Cane?
Oh, yeah.
And brown, like the color.
Cane Brown is one of those names where it could equally be a country singer,
pop singer, R&B singer.
Rapper?
Rapper.
It could basically--
Heavy metal vocalist?
It could be somebody of any race, any gender, any genre.
Lead vocalist of Shovel Honey, Cane Brown.
So let's see what kind of music Cane Brown makes.
♪
Hey-oh.
Actually, I still don't know.
Is this country or it could be--
It's country.
It's a little too twangy.
♪ I went to war ♪
♪ And this is perfect ♪
♪ Come kiss me one more time ♪
♪ I couldn't dream this up ♪
♪ Even if I tried ♪
Cane Brown, Cane Brown!
♪ You and me in this moment ♪
♪ Feels like magic only ♪
♪ I'm right where I want to be ♪
♪ Everybody's talking 'bout heaven ♪
♪ Like they just can't wait to go ♪
♪ Saying how it's gonna be so good, so beautiful ♪
I don't know anyone that says that.
♪ Lying next to you, in this bed with you ♪
♪ I ain't convinced 'cause I don't know how ♪
♪ I don't know how ♪
When it comes to Canada--
[laughter]
♪
God, the country songs on our top fives are so crappy.
Oh, you're hatin'.
I'm hatin' hard.
I like the sentiment, you know.
What is the sentiment?
The sentiment is like,
"Oh, everyone's talking about how heaven's the s--t,
"but I really can't imagine anything better
"than being with you, baby."
That's a classic straw man argument.
That's a weak sentiment.
I guess if Cane--
You know, maybe Cane Brown comes from a very religious community
or something, but it's also like
a slightly bit of a straw man argument.
It's like, "I keep hearing all these guys saying
"that they would rather be dead and in the afterlife
"than lying in bed with your lover."
You know, like Islamic terrorists.
[laughter]
Literally nobody--
Even when people say that Islamic terrorists believe that,
that's not even true.
The percentage of people in the world
who truly believe that is basically none.
So it's kind of like, "But I'm putting my foot down, baby."
"Yeah, I might not be--
"Yeah, I'm a little bit different.
"I'd rather have sex with you now
"than be dead in heaven."
That makes me crazy.
I mean, no one's ever said that to me.
Damn.
Well, I guess you never--
That'd be a pretty easy way to fish for compliments
if you said--
No one's ever said anything to me like Cane Brown says
in the song "Heaven" to his partner.
I bet you could get somebody to say it to you
by fishing for compliments by being in bed with a lover,
a sexual partner, and saying,
"Yeah, I'm sorry that I'm not God or some type of deity
"who can't take you into the afterlife
"and reunite you with people who've died.
"I'm just the guy having sex with you.
"I know that--"
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, man.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I don't literally believe in heaven.
I don't know.
Give that a spin, Chris.
I'll try it, I'll try it.
Get back to me.
I'll let you know how it goes.
What did he actually say?
"Everybody's saying," or--
♪ I wanna be ♪
♪ A hold-up girl ♪
♪ A hold-up girl ♪
♪ Everybody's talking 'bout heaven ♪
♪ Like they just can't wait to go ♪
Okay, that's extreme.
Everybody talking--
Everybody, everybody.
Well, he's in an ISIS training camp, clearly.
♪ Like you just can't wait to go ♪
[laughter]
Wait, keep going.
Where does it go from there?
♪ Saying how it's gonna be so good, so beautiful ♪
♪ Lying next to you, in this bed with you ♪
♪ I ain't convinced ♪
♪ 'Cause I don't know how ♪
♪ I don't know how heaven ♪
♪ Heaven could be better than this ♪
I mean, maybe this is--unusually for a country song,
this is Kane Brown putting his foot down
about extremist religion.
'Cause the only people who are constantly saying
that they can't wait to go to heaven
are religious extremists of any religion.
Maybe he comes from, like, an evangelical community.
But I've never met an evangelical person who says that.
Who's he talking about?
I also thought heaven was like--
or, like, the Christian conception of heaven
is you die, and then your body's rotting,
and you're waiting for Jesus to come back.
And then you go to heaven.
That's the rapture, right?
You don't just go to heaven.
No, not exactly.
Yeah, you die.
It's not until Jesus comes back that you go to heaven.
That's my understanding.
You're on, like, layaway?
No, no.
When Jesus comes back is when the Earth ends.
Yeah, I think you go to heaven.
That's when heaven starts, guys.
I got news for you.
For everybody.
Yeah, that's for everyone.
No, but I think everyone's in heaven anyways.
Mm-mm.
That made it.
No.
Well, Jake is--
You go after him.
Well, Jake is the resident Christian on this show.
You go after him.
That's my understanding.
I've never heard that before.
So every person who has ever--
That's the Bible.
According to the Bible, every person who's ever died
is in the soil right now waiting for the return.
No, that's not true.
They're in heaven.
It's the end of Earth.
No, because that book about the little boy
who went to heaven for a second was a huge hit.
That's a book.
No, but that was a huge hit.
That's not the good word, Ezra.
No, but--
That's not the Bible.
You know what?
There's probably some very religious TC heads way in.
Any religious TC heads, how do you feel about--
Christian.
--Cain Brown's assault on your faith?
Also, Jake's reading of the Bible.
I honestly wonder because-- and obviously, there's so many
different types of country music, and there's country music lovers
who don't want to get into stereotypes, saying that they're all, like,
you know, hardcore Christians, because the truth is you got
badass country singers who probably would scandalize very religious people.
Because of any genre of American music, the one that seems to be
the most associated with a certain brand of Christianity might be
country music, not all country music, but some.
I wonder if a song like this actually is going to piss anybody off.
Who's super religious or--
Yeah, let's say you're a super religious person, and you feel that
generally speaking, compared to pop radio, country radio is going to be
a safer place for you and your family to listen to tunes.
And then there's a song that comes on--
Oh, so this is kind of anti-heaven.
This is very hedonistic on the scale of--
It's one thing for there to be a song about sex.
People have sex in married relationships.
But it's another thing to say straight up, everybody who keeps
talking about heaven is a moron because nothing could be better
than having sex with you.
I'm sure someone's offended.
I'm offended.
You know what's interesting?
In terms of classic country, I can't think of a Waylon Jennings song
about Christ or Willie Nelson.
Well, those guys weren't church boys.
Those were like badass dudes.
Yeah, it's like good country music.
No, no, I'm saying that obviously not all country music is associated with--
No, I feel like it's really gone down that road.
Well, maybe not.
There's always some classic stuff.
I mean, I guess you would even call that country.
♪ I like Christian life ♪
Mm-hmm.
The Louvans.
Yeah, Satan is Real.
Great record.
I like the heaven metaphor.
It's funny, the two songs that come to mind is "Ooh, Baby, Do You Know What It's Worth,"
"Ooh, Heaven Is A Place On Earth."
Great song.
That's Belinda Carlile, right?
Yep.
She is saying that there's something heavenly about being in love on earth,
and that's what heaven really is, is love.
That's a positive sentiment, but she's also not--
she's not throwing down the gauntlet the way that Cain Brown is to religious people.
And then, you know, what's funny too is that there's a get-up stand-up,
which I think originally written by Peter Tosh and Bob Marley also covered,
where he says, "Preacher man, don't tell me that heaven is on the earth."
That's even more confusing.
♪ Get up ♪
And there's "Heaven" by Warrant.
How does that go?
♪ Heaven isn't too far away ♪
And then there's "Heaven" by Talking Heads.
♪ Heaven, heaven is a place, a place where nothing, nothing ever happens ♪
Oh, yeah, that's a great song.
That's a good song.
There's a lot of different vibes on heaven.
Brutal song.
♪ Wouldn't you know my name if I saw you in heaven ♪
Chris, are you a Clapton head?
You seem like you might be.
My dad was a real Cream head, so I was raised on the sounds of Cream.
Cream is one thing.
What about Derek and the Dom?
I mean, yeah, like the '70s stuff is awesome.
Yeah, my dad liked the hits.
We would listen to that a lot around the house, but I never did a deep dive.
The '90s MTV Unplugged Clapton?
Yeah, that was played a lot.
♪ Layla, biddy-ba-dum ♪
Oh, that version of Layla is so brutal.
It's so bad.
♪ Gawk me on my knees ♪
♪ Layla, do-do-do ♪
Oh, we actually cover--
♪ Beg and all in peace ♪
It's so brutal.
We covered "White Rim" in my high school jazz band, and I took a Wah solo.
Oh, that's cool.
It was pretty cool.
Okay, back to this week in 1969.
So, so far, it's been--you know, sometimes you go back to the '60s,
and it's a mix of youthful '60s and then old schlock and stuff.
But so far--I mean, this is a little schlocky, but this is like--
that Mercy song "Love" is like the title is hippy-dippy,
then Isley Brothers and the Beatles, classic '60s,
and now the number two song, the Cow Sills, "Hair."
This is some real '60s, May '69.
♪
♪ She asked me why ♪
Well, this is from the "Hair" soundtrack, right?
I guess everybody was covering songs from the "Hair" soundtrack.
♪ Why I'm a hairy guy ♪
♪ I'm hairy noon and nighty-night, night ♪
♪ My hair is a fright ♪
♪ I'm hairy high and low ♪
This is weird.
♪ But don't ask me why ♪
♪ 'Cause he don't know ♪
I truly have no idea what the musical "Hair" is about.
Is it about Jesus?
I don't know.
These people need Jesus.
Oh, "The Grateful Dead."
I think it's about hippies.
♪ Bread ♪
♪ Like the Grateful Dead ♪
So it's funny the Dead are getting name-checked
in this top-five single,
but they're nowhere near the top five.
♪ Give me a head with hair ♪
♪ Long, beautiful hair ♪
♪ Shining, gleaming, streaming ♪
I think it's about, like, hate-ashbury hippies,
and it's, like, the Main Street version of that.
Like, the TV miniseries about, like--
Oh, yeah, this song.
♪ Hair, hair, hair ♪
♪ I'll grow it, I'll show it ♪
♪ Long as I'm growing my hair ♪
I'm into this. This is cool.
♪ Fly in the breeze, singing, calling the trees ♪
♪ I'm a-home for the fleas in my hair ♪
♪ A-home for the fleas ♪
♪ A-hive for the fleas ♪
♪ Buzzard bees ♪
Number two. That was a number-two hit.
Wild.
Yeah, I guess I was, like, hair--
I just always associate it with Godspell
and Jesus Christ Superstar,
both of which are obviously about Jesus,
that I figured maybe low-key hair was kind of about Jesus somehow.
There's a movie of hair?
I think there might be.
The number-two song on the iTunes charts in 2018,
another country song.
This is a guy we haven't heard from in a little bit.
Sam Hunt. You remember what his big hit was, Jake?
"Body Like a Back Road."
That's right.
♪ Body like a back ♪
That takes me back to a simpler time, man.
♪ Driving back ♪
2016.
This is his new single, already number two on the iTunes charts,
called "Downtown's Dead."
Huh.
Well, let's guess.
That's an intriguing title.
Is it going to be, like, a Bruce Springsteen song about, like--
♪ Downtown's dead ♪
♪ And they closed down the factory ♪
♪ And they opened up the Quiznos ♪
Hit country songs are never about closing down the factory,
although maybe we'll be wrong.
But "Downtown's Dead" could definitely be about, like,
a town that kind of, like, got hit by, like, globalism.
I could also just imagine, like--
it's probably just something about, like, missing a girl.
[laughs]
Or maybe it's both.
"Downtown's Dead."
It's just all condos now, man.
[laughs]
Yeah, or maybe it's just, like,
everybody's out partying but without you.
"Downtown's Dead" or something like that.
Right.
Or maybe it's going to be, like, a late-period Neil Young song,
just very detailed about how the growth of Amazon
killed a lot of, like, local jobs.
♪ Warehouse distribution on the interstate ♪
♪ Jeff Bezos says that is good for the economy ♪
Let's find out.
That was your Neil Young impression?
No, that was my Sam Hunt.
♪ Hey ♪
♪ The city's so in style ♪
♪ All you see for miles are people spilling ♪
♪ In and out of cars ♪
♪ Man, all of these bars are making a killing ♪
♪ Everywhere I go ♪
♪ Looks like the place to be ♪
♪ I see people that I know ♪
♪ But I feel like there's no one here but me ♪
♪ Downtown's dead without you ♪
Nah, there you go. You nailed it.
So downtown's not dead.
It just feels dead.
♪ It's gonna be just another Tuesday night without you ♪
[cheering]
♪ As long as you're still in my head ♪
♪ There ain't no way that I can paint a ghost town red ♪
♪ Downtown's dead ♪
♪ They're dancing in the strolls ♪
♪ Out here in the throes of loud houses ♪
So he is, in fact, in a thriving metropolis
with a booming economy.
Bars are going off, making a killing.
He might as well be in a ghost town,
'cause that's how it feels.
♪ Downtown's dead without you ♪
♪ I'm in a gentrified arts district ♪
♪ With lots of art galleries and bars ♪
♪ And everybody's partying ♪
♪ But I kind of feel more like ♪
♪ I'm in a Rust Belt factory town ♪
♪ Eating solo at a farm-to-table restaurant ♪
[laughter]
♪ I just caught Playboy Cardi ♪
♪ Rapping at the new club downtown ♪
♪ And I'm sipping on a $15 cocktail ♪
♪ But I'll tell you what ♪
♪ I called an Uber on my phone ♪
♪ Run to the table and ghosted ♪
♪ Called an Uber and it came in one minute flat ♪
♪ When I say that downtown's not dead ♪
♪ I'm not lying, that downtown's really thriving ♪
♪ But I--however, on a mental level ♪
♪ However, when I think about it psychologically ♪
♪ I feel like downtown's dead ♪
♪ The downtown's clearly not dead ♪
♪ About 1% are living in a fancy town ♪
[laughter]
- Yeah, you just knew.
There was no way it was gonna be about--
you know what, I'm sure--actually,
I'm sure there's people writing about it.
They're just not hits.
- Maybe he's writing about it,
and it's the deep album cut.
- Yeah. - Downtown's dead 2.
- Yeah, the single's called "Downtown's Dead,"
and then, like, Sam Hunt's just, like,
really dire, like, "Stop the corporate fat cats.
"Let's, like, reinvest in America.
"Let's create a social safety net."
Song is called, like, "Downtown's Really Dead."
"Downtown's Dead--Not a Metaphor."
- That's the second-to-last song on the record.
- Yeah.
♪ Downtown's dead, not a metaphor this time ♪
The number one song in 1969--this is pretty wild--
another hair cover. - Damn.
- So this is, like, a real hippie-dippie top five.
- ♪ It's the age of Aquarius ♪
- Exactly, the fifth dimension.
[synthesizer music]
Hair's got some tunes, man.
♪ ♪
- It's funny. These are such huge hits.
- Spring of '69--this song was number one for six weeks.
- Wow.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Dum-da-dum ♪
[synthesizer music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius ♪
♪ Age of Aquarius ♪
- The fifth dimension formed in Los Angeles.
They were originally called the Versatiles.
Gave themselves a slightly more late '60s name.
- Okay.
- ♪ Aquarius ♪
♪ Harmony and understanding ♪
♪ Sympathy and trust abounding ♪
- It's crazy to think about them making this music in L.A.
and, like, Charles Manson, like, a few months
before the murders that happened in August.
- Oof.
- Just, like, trying to get into the music industry
so desperately. - Right.
- I'm just picturing, like, him, like, waiting awkwardly
in, like, the lobby of, like, RCA Records.
- With his demos?
- Yeah, and just, like, the members of Fifth Dimension
just, like, kind of breezing past him.
- Yeah.
God.
[synthesizer music]
- ♪ When the moon ♪
♪ And Jupiter ♪
♪ Lines with Mars ♪
♪ And peace will guide the planet ♪
♪ And love will soothe the storm ♪
♪ This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius ♪
♪ Age of Aquarius ♪
- Dude, the drumming is dope.
- Yeah, I bet it's, like, Hal Blain or some, like,
hardcore studio dude.
- ♪ Aquarius ♪
- And what's cool about this song
is that this is straight-up two songs in one.
- Oh, you listen to this-- - You remember where it goes?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- It goes into this dope, like, up-tempo part, right?
- Yeah, "Let the Sunshine In."
- Oh, yeah.
- ♪ Aquarius ♪
[synthesizer music]
- That's a sick change. - Yeah, I love that part.
[synthesizer music]
- Oh, yeah, this part rules.
- ♪ Da-da-da ♪ - ♪ Ba-ba-ba ♪
- ♪ Let the sunshine ♪
♪ Let the sunshine ♪
- I wonder if this is a show-closer.
- I always thought these were two different songs.
- Well, they're two different songs from Hair.
- Oh.
Sort of like, "We Will Rock You, We Are The Champions."
- Exactly.
- ♪ Let the sunshine in ♪
♪ Let the sunshine in ♪ - Bass player's going off.
- Oh, yeah.
- ♪ Let the sunshine ♪
- Oh, pretty child.
- ♪ Let the sunshine in ♪
- Come on, come on, come on.
- ♪ Let the sunshine in ♪
- Everybody, just sing along.
- ♪ Let the sunshine in ♪
- ♪ Let the sunshine in ♪
- ♪ Let the sunshine in ♪
- Don't get more of a '60s number one than that.
- Strong.
- So the number--you know, this is interesting,
because "Aquarius, Let the Sunshine In,"
clearly--I'm sure, like, a lot of hippies and lefties
and radicals thought that song was corny.
- I'm sure.
- But still, the fact that that was number one at the time
is indicative of, like, the conversation that was happening.
- ♪ Sympathy and understanding ♪
♪ Harmony in my na-na-na ♪
- And the number one song right now
is another song that speaks to the moment
probably more directly, more politically,
which a lot of people were talking about,
"Childish Gambino, This Is America."
Do you know the song, Jake? - Yeah.
- You saw the video? - I saw the video.
- I was like 50/50 whether or not--
- Oh, yeah. You were 50/50 if I'd be like,
"Who's Childish Gambino?"
- Yeah, seriously.
- ♪ Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga ♪
♪ Go low ♪
♪ Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga ♪
♪ Go low ♪
♪ Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga ♪
♪ Go low ♪
- ♪ We just wanna party ♪
♪ Party just for me ♪ - I think this is, like,
"Song of the Summer."
- This part is dope.
- ♪ We just wanna party ♪ - Yeah, speaking of abrupt changes
in a song. - Yeah.
- ♪ Party just for me ♪ - Yeah.
- ♪ Party just for me ♪ - ♪ Party just for me ♪
- ♪ Go low ♪
- ♪ Girl, you got me dancin' ♪
♪ Dancin' shit to break ♪
- ♪ We just wanna party ♪
♪ Party just for you ♪
- ♪ Go low ♪
- ♪ We just want the money ♪
- ♪ Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga ♪
- ♪ Money just for you ♪
- ♪ Go low ♪
- ♪ I know you wanna party ♪
- ♪ Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga ♪
- ♪ Party just for me ♪
- ♪ Go low ♪
- ♪ Girl, you got me dancin' ♪
- ♪ Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga ♪
- ♪ Dancin' shit to break ♪
- ♪ Go low ♪
- ♪ This is America ♪
♪ Don't catch you slippin' up ♪
♪ Look what I'm whippin' up ♪
♪ This is America ♪
♪ Don't catch you slippin' up ♪
♪ Look how I'm livin' up ♪
♪ Police be trippin' up ♪
♪ Yeah, this is America ♪
♪ Guns in my area ♪
♪ I got the strap ♪
♪ I gotta carry 'em ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, I'ma go into this ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, this is guerrilla ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, I'ma go get the bag ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, this is guerrilla ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, I'ma go get the bag ♪
- It's amazing that this song is, like,
a true number-one hit, hundreds of millions--
like, when I first saw it, it didn't surprise me
that people found it to be, like, a striking video
and want to talk about it. - The video's crazy.
- But it's not just, like, the nerds
writing about this song.
It's, like, a legitimate pop hit.
- It seems like the song is inseparable from the video.
- Yeah, and they--most people were introduced
to the song via the video. - Yeah.
- ♪ This is America ♪
♪ Whoo, don't got you slippin' now ♪
♪ Whoo, whoo, this is America ♪
- So, Safa, you think this is a song of the summer?
- Yeah. - You're calling it now?
- Really? - Yeah, I just think
it's too popular. It also gives me, like--
remember when Kendrick Humble was, like,
riding the top of the charts forever,
but it was so dark? - Yeah.
- It's got, like, that feel to me.
- Interesting.
I'm gonna say it's gonna fade hard.
- Wow. Burn too bright.
- Yeah. Even if it fades,
the impact it's made culturally,
it's gonna be still at such a high level.
- ♪ On my Kodak, whoo, black, ooh ♪
♪ Know that, yeah, yeah, ooh ♪
♪ Get it, get it, get it, get it, ooh ♪
♪ Work it, woo ♪
♪ Hundred bands, hundred bands, hundred bands ♪
♪ Contraband, contraband, contraband, contraband ♪
♪ I got the plug on Oaxaca, whoa ♪
♪ They gonna find you like Baca, blah ♪
- ♪ Ooh, America ♪
♪ I just checked my follow and listened ♪
♪ You gon' tell somebody ♪
♪ Grandma told me get your money, black man ♪
♪ Get your money, black man ♪
♪ Get your money, black man ♪
♪ Get down ♪
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Tell somebody ♪
♪ You gon' tell somebody ♪
♪ Grandma told me get your money, black man ♪
♪ Get your money, black man ♪
♪ Get your money, black man, black man, black man ♪
- I was in a debate with a couple people
arguing about what they thought about the meaning
or what the video was trying to say
or whether they thought it was like the right way to say it
or whatever, and the one thing I was saying in that,
I didn't really feel strongly about engaging in that debate,
but I said, "Whatever you think about it,
"you got to admit that it's like
"a very powerful performance from Donald."
You know what I mean?
There's something about political art
that brings up so many feelings in people,
'cause whether you're somebody who disagrees with the point--
or a lot of times people who--
more often than not, people who agree with the point
get into the weeds on it, you know what I mean?
'Cause I don't really know anybody who's pro-guns
or would ever say that they don't agree
with a lot of what he's talking about in this
about violence against black people,
police brutality, things like that,
but sometimes even the people who agree with it
are sometimes the ones who will be the most--
- Nitpicky? - Nitpicky about the art.
So I've heard--you know, I know a lot of people
who have heard a lot of opinions about it,
but the one thing I was just like, everybody,
the one thing they gave me on it was like,
even if you're putting your hater hat on and you're like,
"I've seen more powerful political art from this,"
you know, whatever they might say,
I was kind of like, it's a pretty iconic,
very amazing performance from him.
Even just, like, physically, just in the--
- Definitely. - You gotta give it up.
- The faces he makes. - His long tracking shot.
- Yeah, it's awesome. - Yeah.
You gotta give it up.
One question I have is--
I keep seeing how everybody talks about
that the song features background vocals
from Young Thug, who I kinda hear,
Slim Jimmy, Block Boy JB, 21 Savage, and Quavo.
Where are all those guys on this?
- I had the same question. I can't--
- Am I just mistaking voices here, or--
- Well, when I heard all that stuff--
- Are they doing the vocals in the beginning,
or is that a sample?
- I think they're in the mix in that chorus,
but, you know, like, I started to hear those names,
and I was like, "Oh, I think I hear Kendrick Lamar."
Like, I was hearing people who aren't on the song, too.
- Yeah. - I don't know.
- Is that Jerry?
- I think that's Larry David.
- I think that's Larry--oh, I heard Larry David.
2018 and 1969. That was an interesting comparison.
- Yeah, I like that age of Aquarius
and "This is America."
- I think there is some slight resonance there.
- Oh, yeah.
- And also, you know, in the same way,
I'll also say this, like, well, first of all,
the vast majority of people talking about "This is America"
love it and speak of it as a powerful piece of art,
but, you know, as with anything,
there's haters and nitpickers, but one thing I'll say
is, like, I think when you take a step back,
whatever, like, little feelings people have in the moment
when our children take over "Time Crisis"
and they're doing this in 50 years
and they look back, they'll find it interesting
that "This is America" was, like, number one in 2018.
They won't have any of the, like, tiny little aesthetic things
that people have when talking about art in, like, the--
- Narcissism of small differences.
- Narcissism of small differences.
- I love to think about Lou Reed and the Velvet Underground
going to see a performance of "Hair."
- Oh, they probably wouldn't.
- In New York in '69.
- Remember-- - Maybe they did--
Someone's dad is, like, a weird, like, manager of, like,
the actual, you know, like, theater people.
- Yeah, they're probably, like, all fucked up,
just being like, "What the fuck is this?"
- Yeah, they're-- - It sucks.
Remember when, like, I sent you that article I found once
on, like, some deep Grateful Dead website about how--
- Oh, yeah, dude.
- About how the Velvet Underground
was always really snooty to the dead.
- But then they played a show together?
- They played a few times together.
- In San Francisco.
- And apparently there was this weird competition
about who was gonna play longer, and then even--
so they knew each other a little bit,
and then even afterwards--
- So deep.
- Lou Reed in the early '70s--
yeah, they would do these interviews where they'd be like,
"What do you think about, like, the San Francisco--
"Oh, the Grateful Dead."
And there was a hilarious--
it was, like, kind of deep into the '70s or something.
Lou Reed did an interview where they're like,
"What do you think about the Grateful Dead?"
And he's like, "Jerry's not even that good of a guitarist."
- He's just playing the same solo over and over again.
- He played the same thing over and over again.
It's like-- - Get out of here.
- Looking back in retrospect, it's like,
"Yo, Lou Reed's a legend, but come on, man.
"Jerry's not good at guitar. Shut the fuck up."
[laughter]
But again-- - Just give it up, man.
- Back then, probably the difference
in the way the Velvet Underground saw themselves
from the Grateful Dead was very important.
- The irony is they're both doing heroin.
- Right.
- Just hang out, guys.
- You guys have a lot more in common than you don't.
Seinfeld, you wanted to speak about something.
Hey, by the way, how are the Twitter numbers doing?
- Oh, they got way up. - Are they?
- Yeah, you'll be pleasantly surprised.
- Are we over 10K? - We are. We're over 11K.
- Seriously? - Congratulations, guys.
- Where am I? - I'm still under 3K.
- Wait, wait, wait. - You read your own account.
- Is it really at 11K? - Yeah, take a look.
- Did you buy them?
- Look, I don't want to-- [laughter]
I don't want to speak to the provenance of the followers.
We're at exactly 11K.
- I don't want to dredge up the past.
Should we be-- do we need, like,
a Facebook page or something?
- I mean, in 2018?
- Oh, yeah, Facebook's-- - It's a bad look.
- I don't know, yeah.
- But Twitter still feels, like, kind of dead.
What do we-- - I think Twitter's back.
- Oh, do we need a musical.ly?
What's it called, musically?
- I think we need a Bandcamp. - Do we need a Bandcamp?
- Is Vampire Weekend on Bandcamp?
- No. - Okay.
- I think we need an Amazon Prime account...
[laughter]
to buy paper towels and stuff.
[laughter]
- I think we need a Hulu Plus account.
Oh, yeah, yeah, so this whole show,
Jake has been wearing this absolutely beautiful
psychedelic tie-dyed... - Gorgeous.
- 8-minute Cape Cod shirt.
- It's gonna be on the Twitter account.
- That's right.
Go to the Twitter account @TimeCrisis2000.
You can find out more information
about how you can get one.
- Cool, well, they really are gorgeous shirts.
Well done, Seinfeld, and I'm proud of you
for getting the Twitter account over 11K.
- Thanks so much.
- I'm still well under 3K.
- Well under 3K? - Yeah.
- Everybody follow Jake @DongStreth.
- Thank you, Seinfeld.
- Not DongStretch.
- Nope, not DongStretch.
[laughter]
- All right, well, that was a hell of a show.
Thanks to Baio.
Thanks for letting us debut
your Sting and Shaggy remix on the program.
Thank you to Phil Matariz for calling in
and talking Doritos with us,
and no thank you to the Tic Tac Company
for lying to the American public.
And if anybody from Tic Tac wants to call in
and defend it, we will respectfully have you on the show.
And please hit us with some Tic Tac emails.
And also, I just want to say one last thing.
We've got a lot of great emails
about Alanis Morissette and her musical,
and we will be talking about that in two weeks.
As always, finger on the pulse.
Time Crisis.
[laughter]
- "Time Crisis" with Ezra King.
Be-be-be-be-be-be-beace.
One.
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