Episode 75: Cazzie David Return
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Time Crisis, back once again.
It's the dog days of summer.
A sweet chilly heat engulfs the world.
Here in Time Crisis we're trying to keep cool
by talking about the songs of the summer,
catching up with Kazzy David,
and riffing on topics ranging from Frosted Flakes
to the Grateful Dead, I assume.
This is Time Crisis with Eds Rukin.
P-P-P-P-P-Peaceful World One.
They passed me by, all of those great romances.
The war I felt, war being me, all my rightful chances.
My picture clear, everything seemed so easy.
And so I dealt you the blow, one of us had to go.
Now it's different, I want you to know.
One of us is crying, one of us is lying.
Keep it on me babe.
Time Crisis, back once again.
It's the dog days of summer right now.
Yeah, we're in it.
The world is on fire.
Real global heat wave this summer.
Yeah, we touched on that last episode.
It's like a haunting phrase.
Global heat wave.
I just crushed a breakfast burrito
from the company cafeteria.
Yeah, Jake's been checking out,
exploring a little more of the Apple campus
here in Culver City.
Well, we're doing a morning taping.
Right, this time we're actually taping in the morning.
Full disclosure.
This one's a little early.
Yeah, a little early.
Lately I've been trying not to eat breakfast.
Why?
Because I've been intermittent fasting.
Oh, how long? 16 hours?
Yeah, so because I snack late at night,
that means I can't eat lunch until like 2 or 3.
So you eat nothing until 2 or 3?
Some days, not every day.
Okay, so it's like a 2 to 10.
The thing I can't figure out is that
the only times in my life where I felt like I was like,
I really felt like I had a lot of clarity,
mental acuity, and I was like kind of powerful,
a little less chubby, was when I would actually
actively try to have periods of not eating.
By the way, I'm not recommending anything.
I'm just talking about my journey.
Right.
One of the first times I went on tour with your brother
on a Dirty Projectors tour,
I feel like it wasn't the one with you.
I just remember being like,
okay, every day I'm in the car for like 7 hours.
And I weirdly got this thing in my head where I was like,
I'm going to see how much I can fast on this tour.
I remember a few times just like being at Denny's
with like Dave and whoever,
like getting ready to drive from Oklahoma
to West Texas or something,
and just be like people just like housing
like Denny's scrambles and really,
you guys aren't hungry?
And I'd be like, no, I'm not hungry.
James Sumner eating two entrees.
Yeah, exactly.
There was a guy in the crew who literally ate double everything.
And so I don't know.
I just feel like as much as I love breakfast food,
maybe I just got to try to not eat.
Because here's the thing,
I can't cut myself off at the end of the day.
That's too hard.
See, that's what I do.
You can just cut yourself off at the end of the day.
I usually go to bed mildly hungry.
It's like Karl Lagerfeld.
Is that what his diet is?
He doesn't eat after 7 p.m.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I try to like load all the calories
first chunk of the day.
So I just crush this huge breakfast burrito.
Yeah, I'm sure that makes more sense.
I'll eat some like almonds and stuff,
some carrots and hummus this afternoon.
Yeah.
And then just like a dinner at like 7,
but like chill.
A reasonable dinner.
Sometimes I go big at dinner, but you know.
Chicken breast, some steamed broccoli.
That's a little clinical.
I'm not really sure.
I haven't thought that far ahead.
There's a lot of people in this world
who all they eat for every meal
is chicken breast and steamed vegetables.
Yeah, that's crazy.
That's a lifestyle.
Yeah.
Definitely lose weight that way.
You should try like a week-long fast.
What, no food?
Yeah.
A friend of mine did it.
It's actually not.
Is that healthy?
Yeah, I think it's fine.
I mean, like he would drink green tea
because he's like a coffee addict.
So the green tea would mitigate the caffeine withdrawal.
You know, that's also why it's easy for me
not to eat for the first five hours of the day
is because I'll crush one coffee, feel great.
Two hours later, start to get hungry,
have another coffee, and then I'm good.
Wow, that can backfire.
Yeah, I don't know.
The coffee with no food can be rough.
Because you just get too high.
But my buddy who fasted for a week,
he's like the first three days sucked.
And then he's like day four,
it kicked into some other gear.
So he was like, I started surfing a lot
day four, five, and six.
That's crazy.
Just like no food, surfing for like five hours.
It's wild.
And he's like, I didn't really lose that much weight.
But I gained some neurons.
Yeah, he's like my saliva changed.
Like the flavor of my saliva changed.
Interesting.
And he's like--
Yeah, I'm sick of the flavor of my saliva.
That could be like a weird product, couldn't it be?
Like saliva.
Oh, yeah.
Can you see that?
I remember there was some really like trashy candy
when I was a kid, probably still exists.
It might have been made by the same people who made like
Warheads and those kind of like extreme candies.
Oh, yeah, like nerds.
It was like a little dropper of like sour liquid.
Does this sound familiar to anybody?
Yeah.
Like face explosion sour droppers.
And it comes with like an eye dropper.
Yeah, it was that kind of vibe.
It was like pure chemical.
We should market something like that.
Also, this makes so much sense.
It's kind of like there was a whole wave.
This was after we were kids,
but there's been a whole wave of changing
the colors of products for kids.
Like you're sick of red ketchup?
How about purple ketchup?
Oh, my God.
Is your mom f*cking lame giving you red ketchup?
Why is the ketchup not green?
Every few years, somebody tries to drop a product
that's like, aren't you sick of water?
Drop this sh*t in the water, and the water will taste different.
Or the water will be a more interesting color.
I think you could totally market to kids.
Just like every day you're forced to eat something all day.
And we're not talking about grandma's Brussels sprouts.
We're talking about saliva.
Do you realize that you're literally eating your saliva all day, bro?
Eww.
And what does it taste like?
It tastes like some weird chunky water.
And then it's like, check out our new extreme saliva droppers.
Or it could be like an injection that you get every six months.
So it's like just permanent flavor.
Permanent flavor.
You got to write that down as a possible song title.
Yeah, dude. Permanent flavor.
Wait, can we talk about that? Or is that too private on there?
What's that?
That you have a master list of good song names.
Oh yeah, no, that's not private.
I think it might have been that same time when we were on
Shroom's Waiting in Line at the Dead show.
Somebody just said something, and then you just were like,
"Oh yeah," and you took out your phone just to write down--
There's like a very specific style.
They're kind of like GBV, pavement-y type thing.
Yeah, theoretical tennis, maybe that was it.
Nascent culture.
Oh, it was nascent culture.
Permanent flavor. Dogs dogma.
No place to park it. Enjoy Nebraska. Wax pack gods.
Oh, classically brutal.
Oh yeah. Is the rule that they have to kind of come from a real conversation?
Yeah, it's just like something that catches your ear.
Far-ranging bird. I'm in your system.
Other shoppers. Classics. Take it deep.
On this list, Sweet Chili Heat.
Oh, wow.
Anyway, do you ever do that?
Yeah, I write down all sorts--
I don't have a master list of song titles,
but I always write down little phrases and stuff.
That just like catch your ear in conversation.
♪ Disarm the settlers ♪
♪ The new drunk drivers ♪
♪ Have hoisted the flag ♪
♪ We are with you in your anger ♪
♪ Proud brothers ♪
♪ We do not fret ♪
♪ The bus will get you there ♪
♪ To carry us to the lake ♪
♪ The club is open ♪
♪ Yeah, the club is open ♪
♪ Hey, the club is open ♪
♪ Come on, come on, the club is open ♪
Okay, but so it's an injection into your salivary glands.
Maybe they do it at CVS.
Mom and dad come, give the kid a flavor injection into their salivary glands.
But the issue is you have to be able to turn it on and off
because you want to be able to eat--
if you have like a permanent grape flavor pumping through your salivary glands
and then you go eat Indian food or something, that's not going to work.
So you have to be able to switch it off somehow.
Want to switch off the twisted grape flavor?
Just reach your pointer finger into the back of your throat.
That's like a Black Mirror vibe.
Your parents control your salivary glands off their iPad.
Got to be constantly entertained.
Mom, I don't like broccoli.
Mom switches on the flavor blasted bubblegum flavor.
You're grounded.
Oh, yeah, you're grounded, dude. Broccoli for a week.
The parents are watching the kid on the CCTV inside the house.
Just watching him on the iPad.
What the f*ck is he doing?
He's going for the snack drawer.
Oh, he's taking out a Butterfinger?
The little bastard switch bites into it.
Tastes like grandma's brussel sprouts.
Ew!
Got you.
Over the intercom.
Ew!
You could make everything that--
you could control your kid's salivary glands
and you make Butterfingers taste like grandma's brussel sprouts,
but grandma's brussel sprouts taste like Butterfingers.
That's a treat.
I guess it raises a larger question of
what would be the point besides punishment of inflicting the bad--
because if it's still the same nutritional content of the brussel sprouts,
the kid doesn't want to eat the brussel sprouts.
You would make them taste like Butterfingers so the kid ate them.
So then it was just pure discipline.
If you want to discipline your kid, you drop the brussel sprouts.
Well, you just want to make sure that they never eat a Butterfinger.
Right, but he wouldn't have to eat the Butterfinger
because he could just make the broccoli taste like Butterfinger.
Theoretically.
This is just like Black Mirror Writer's Room.
[laughter]
Gotta break that story.
That'd be hilarious, just like walk into a Black Mirror Writer's Room
and just listen to them.
A bunch of English people would be like,
"Why would the Butterfinger have to taste like the brussel sprouts?"
I just love that type of marketing.
I'm sure we've talked about this on the show before, but that type of--
I mean, it's classic, like, there's the infomercial version,
which is like, "Are you tired of your hose being all--
getting knots in your hose?"
And then it would show some dude in some improbably insane situation
where he's like--a hose is wrapped around him like a boa constrictor,
and he's like, "What the [bleep]?"
And it's like making something seem like a bigger problem than it is.
Right, right.
But then there was a similar version of that type of marketing,
which is to kids, and also I feel like Nathan Freese
has done some interesting stuff with kids
where he was telling a group of four-year-olds in a kind of focus group,
"Do you guys like this toy?"
And they're like, "Not really."
And he said, "Well, the president just said that if you don't have this toy,
then you're a baby."
And the kids--these four-year-olds just kind of start to get confused,
and he's like, "Which is fine. So you don't want the toy, right?"
And the kid's like, "Um..."
And he's like, "No, that's fine. You're a baby."
And the kid's like, "I want it."
So whatever.
Just appealing to the lowest sense of just like--
I could actually imagine a successful marketing campaign that's--
because people like that kind of faux wit,
or that kind of fake breakthrough,
where it's kind of like, "Hey, are you eating right now?"
Somebody's like driving, "No, I'm not eating."
"Oh, yeah? You got nothing in your mouth?"
"No, not really."
"What about saliva?"
"Okay, now you have my attention."
"I'm listening."
"You're sucking on flavorless, thick water,
slightly viscous water all day?"
"Ew."
"I guess that's what gum is. Gum is flavor-loaded saliva."
"Yeah, you're right."
"'Cause gum is not a food. Actually, I was--"
"It's a sensory experience, but yeah, you're right."
"As I said recently, because we've been doing Seinfeld Sundays,
I've been watching Seinfeld all the time.
There's an episode in season 7 that opens with Jerry doing stand-up.
He goes, "What's the deal with gum?
It's not liquid, it's not solid. What is it?"
And I was like, "What do you mean, it's not liquid, it's not solid?"
And then I thought about it, and I was like, "Okay, actually, I see his point."
I was like, "Of course, gum is a solid, right?
But it's a solid that you chew on to extract liquid from, right?
At the end of the day, the part of gum that you eat is liquid, right?"
"Your own saliva."
"You're eating your own flavor-blasted saliva.
Gum is a tool to flavor-blast your own saliva.
That's not a food. What's the deal with gum?"
"Unless you're swallowing gum."
"Is that a Canadian thing?"
"Yeah, we all swallow gum.
I mean, I've swallowed gum."
"In Canada?"
"And in America."
"Really?"
"Intercontinental."
"When was the last time you swallowed gum?"
"Within the past two years, I would say I've swallowed gum."
"Yeah, what, are you completely not swallowing gum ever?"
"Never, never in my life."
"Because of that myth of the seven years that it takes to die?"
"I don't think that's true."
"Of course not."
"I mean..."
"Was it an accident?"
"I didn't swallow it."
"No, but there have been some--
OK, you're in a meeting, and you're chewing gum.
You forgot you've got gum in your mouth.
The person comes in, and you're like,
'Ah, I don't want to be talking with gum in my mouth.
I'm going to quickly get rid of this.'
'Why am I always spitting out gum in front of this person?'"
"I hate having old gum in my mouth
because I have a very sensitive gag reflex.
So there have been times where I've been in a car,
and I have this old-ass gum in my mouth,
and I don't know where to put it.
And I'm just like, 'OK, I can ride this out for another 30.'
And then next thing you know,
I literally start feeling like I'm going to puke."
"Why not just out the window with the gum?"
"Oh, because that's against the law."
"It is?"
"To litter? Are you serious right now?"
"It's not a wrapper, dude."
"Bro, are you serious right now?"
"Sometimes when you spit gum out the window--"
"I'm being serious.
I think gum out the window is completely legit."
"I had a bus driver who did that once,
and it went back into the back window
and hit this girl, Lindsay Naish,
right in the side of the face.
It was such a long shot."
"That's epic."
[MUSIC - LIL T, "TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT"]
[MUSIC - LIL T, "TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT"]
[MUSIC - LIL T, "TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT"]
[MUSIC - LIL T, "TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT"]
[MUSIC - LIL T, "TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT"]
As somebody who runs a rock and roll brand, a rock and roll heritage brand, an American heritage rock and roll brand.
You sound like Gene Simmons.
Yeah.
Who wants to be in a rock and roll band.
I do.
I mean, the ultimate was the coffin.
The Kiss coffin.
Yeah.
You wouldn't want to be buried in a GBV coffin?
I'll be honest, no.
Wow, I hope Pollard's not listening.
Bob's a huge listener.
I wonder if anyone's been buried in a dead coffin.
A grateful dead coffin.
In a weird way, it makes a little more sense in terms of it being a dumb pun.
I think at the very least I can imagine a dead head cut down in their prime.
And also, I don't think this is that crazy.
Because if you died in the military and that's what your whole life was about, you're going to have a military-ish.
I'm not trying to get --
I love this analogy.
Wait, is this going to sound disrespectful to the troops?
Does this sound disrespectful to the troops?
Okay, here's one.
If you live your whole life being a Christian or a Jew, and that's your --
I'm offended.
That's your religion.
Yeah, I went from the military to the religion.
If you're in the military, that's your profession.
And if you're a dead head that died on tour, that's your profession and your religion.
That's your life.
You could even make a case that the dead head is military plus religion.
Yeah.
It's what you did with your time.
You could make that argument.
You could.
Nobody's making it here.
But I guess my point is that I could totally picture this.
A dead head, like 1987, summer tour, college student, who's already seen 80 dead shows every summer.
He's out with his friends.
And just whatever, he somehow died in the lot.
Clearly you loved that band so much that you were going on a whole summer tour with your buddies.
That was a huge part of your life.
You identified that way.
You wore a dead shirt every day.
Your friends are thinking about how to memorialize you.
I don't think it would be so crazy that they would paint a steely on the coffin.
He died doing what he loved and he should be buried in also what he loves.
I mean, this has to exist.
Because sometimes people put quotes on gravestones.
There's got to be.
What a long, strange trip it's been.
Oh my god.
On at least 50 graves.
Wait, Simon, can I get a quick number crunch of Grateful Dead tombstones?
First, he's gone.
Oh, he's gone.
Rat in a drain ditch.
Dot, dot, dot.
I would make the case that, yeah, that's no crazier than throwing a religious symbol.
I like that.
I like the quote on the tombstone.
Something about the logos just starts to get weird.
If the steely logo was engraved into the tombstone, that would be, to me, bizarre.
Well, how far off are we from tattoos then?
What's that?
I feel like this is just like getting a tattoo.
I mean, I wouldn't get a tattoo of a brand or a band either.
You wouldn't get a dead tattoo?
Hell no.
You wouldn't get a GBV tattoo?
Hell no.
Dead and GBV.
Would you rather be in a GBV coffin or have a tattoo?
Oh, if I had to choose, I got it by voice, is coffin or tattoo, I'd choose tattoo.
Coming across the gravestone.
Although maybe I should do coffin because I'll be dead.
You don't seem the coffin.
You know what? I'm doing coffin.
I don't want a GBV. I love that band.
I'm not doing a GBV tattoo.
I love your "he's gone" thing.
Jake Longstreet, 1977 to whatever.
He's gone.
2077.
He's gone.
I'm on a message board here.
Nothing's going to bring him back.
This guy, his daughter had passed away and he's soliciting a home.
She was a deadhead.
And he's asking for a custom headstone featuring Grateful Dead bears on it.
And he's kind of reaching out to the public to see if he can do this.
That's beautiful.
They did it tastefully.
I can totally imagine that too.
See, that's another thing.
You can totally imagine in a situation where somebody died young, their parents, their friends.
It's not like this person was 95 and had a lot of time to think about, you know, by the way, when I'm buried, they probably don't have a will or anything like that.
So if a young person died, it's not that crazy that their family or their friends would be like, we don't know what they would have wanted.
We know that when they went out, they were obsessed with this one thing.
And that is something I get about that.
Choosing that for somebody else.
For sure.
What a cool girl, honestly.
Yeah.
And I really think too, not to be corny, but on a very basic level, if you look at the ethos of the dead, which is like this inclusive fun thing.
Say you're walking through a gravestone, you're seeing all sorts of religious stuff and intense things.
And then you came to one and you saw whatever the person's name, 1980 to '97 or something.
You're like, oh, damn, a young person died.
And then you see a dead quote in the bears.
That would bring a smile to a lot of people's face and be like, man, but you know what?
Like, sounds like that person had some good times when they were alive.
Like on a very basic level, it would bring a little bit of like.
Levity.
Yeah.
I know. I agree.
Levity is more appropriate.
I'm getting the Seinfeld logo.
On your tombstone.
It won't even say my name.
Seinfeld 2000.
That's it.
Well, we were talking high school senior quotes.
Oh, right.
Yeah, that's right.
Start thinking about your gravestone quote, dude.
Mine would probably be like, I'm sorry I was here.
Oh.
Bummer.
That's a bummer.
I took up space for a little and I'm sorry.
Mine would be, I threw gum out the window.
Wait, Jake, are you calling he's gone?
I might be calling it.
What if we were buried next to each other?
Jake Longstreet, he's gone.
Ezra Kane, he's gone.
No, I'm he's gone.
And then yours is nothing's going to bring him back.
In this scenario, are you both deceased at the same time?
Or is one an open plot?
We died to a big time crisis.
No, I died like a solid 17 years before Ezra did.
Damn.
I guess I have that plot set aside.
[MUSIC - "DREAMER"]
(SINGING) Riding a train ditch, caught on a limb.
You know better, but I know him.
Like I told you what I said, steal your face right off your head.
Now he's gone.
Now he's gone.
But he's gone.
He's gone.
Like a steam locomotive running down the track, he's gone.
He's gone.
But he's going to bring him back.
He's gone.
Time Crisis with Ezra Koenig.
I also wonder if by the time that we die, knock on wood,
hopefully not too soon, but if it happens, it happens.
If also, like, we got to be running out of space to bury people, right?
Like these giant fields of gravestones, that can't work forever, right?
My family doesn't do burials.
They do cremation?
Yeah, and then scatter the ashes at like a special place in that person's life.
Yeah, I wonder if that'll be a thing.
Maybe you just make a digital tombstone.
Ooh, like a hologram?
Or just like the--
What would that be, like a web--
There's graveyards on the internet?
What about this?
Oh, that's a black mirror.
I can also just imagine that--
Because there's definitely a thing sometimes when people die,
a loved one might take over their social media,
either to keep their memory alive or just to let everybody know.
I mean, we've all probably seen that.
That's my biggest fear is like dying and my last post being like,
"Scott had so much fun last night."
And then people just roasting you.
It's so awful.
That happens.
I remember people kind of riffing on this stuff as long as there's been social media.
Like I remember the first time being on Twitter and seeing people being like,
"Wow, I hope my last tweet isn't just ate a bunch of raisins."
I remember people saying that forever because it's like--
Death is very present for people.
I just wonder if with the really big ones like the Facebooks and the Instagram,
if we stop having physical tombstones and everybody's getting cremated
or put into biodegradable pits together or whatever.
I think that's happening.
If there could be a thing where you on file with Instagram or Facebook,
you have your digital tombstone, and it's like in event of death,
no, I don't want my mom running my Instagram account.
I want you to post my digital tombstone.
Which I've designed. It says he's gone.
Right, exactly.
So if, like you said, my last tweet was something--
or my last Instagram post was something silly, yeah, nobody wants that.
If I die, whatever my last one was, my real last one is going to be this thing
that I have on file with you.
My digital tombstone.
You get your affairs in order.
You have to leave all your account information in your will, I think, now.
Oh, that's probably a thing. I'm sure it is.
Is that a real thing?
No, maybe.
I bet it is.
You should do.
Ezra, that's a really good idea.
Thank you.
I bet it exists.
I think we need to get someone on the horn from Instagram next episode.
Like you leave your jewelry with someone,
and then you leave your social media to someone else.
Imagine being the person who gets the social media.
It's like a full-time job.
I could imagine that--
Sorry to be dark, guys.
We're not trying to stress everybody out, you know,
but death is a part of life.
Dream Reaper comes for all of us.
But let's imagine a celebrity with a lot of followers dies,
and they have two kids.
Succession.
It's a succession drama.
And one kid says, "I'm the oldest. I should have mom's account."
And the other said, "She told me I was going to have it
because she just knew that I understood the aesthetic
of the family Instagram account more."
And they're just like, "No, f--- you."
Plus, you're a little unstable.
You were in rehab two years ago.
Exactly.
Don't you bring up my past.
This is my dream show to watch.
Instagram succession show.
Dude, if Succession was like an anthology series,
just like season six, and it's set in the future.
Succession for Gen Z.
We'll work this into the Black Mirror Chef's Table kitchen nightmare.
This is a real futuristic vibe on this episode.
In Time Crest, we're always thinking about the future.
I'm a futurist.
We've come up with some good product ideas.
Flash episode ideas.
Yeah.
The most realistic one is still just rolling out our
sh--ty version of Frosted Flakes, but still.
Yeah.
These are slightly better ideas.
The gum contacts is a close second.
Oh, flavor blasted saliva?
Prime Crisis, volume eight, in vengeance.
Maybe we need just like a Frosted Flakes t-shirt.
Oh, that's a good--
It just says Frosted Flakes on it.
And then on the sleeve it says, I don't know,
Tasteful Palate or Time Crisis or something.
Kellogg's doesn't own that.
I love that.
Maybe that's the B side of the Punisher burgers.
Could we just make a t-shirt that says,
"Kellogg's doesn't own Frosted Flakes,"
and then put a realistic tiger on it somehow?
I love it.
Anyway--
We're just going off.
No, but I feel like--I wonder if this has happened yet
or if this will happen or if there's some reason why
none of this would ever happen, but yeah, I could imagine.
Two kids, maybe mom or dad, burned through their money.
They had a gambling problem.
So the money's gone.
I thought that dad had millions.
Nope.
He played the ponies and he lost.
So what assets does dad still have?
Well, the house is in foreclosure.
Okay, so what's left?
He did have 89 million Instagram followers.
Okay, now that I can work with.
Well, you know, I think as siblings we should share it.
Well...
This [bleep] could happen, right?
No one wants the job, though.
It's too much pressure.
They'd be fighting over the opposite.
It turns out that actually your father--
He left it in the will.
He left it in the will to Amnesty International.
You've got to be [bleep] kidding me.
An intern from Amnesty International just takes over.
And they're selling Fit Tea that then goes to Amnesty International?
It's so, like, oblique.
The Fit Tea post after they die is so sad.
Could that--
It's like without them, it's literally just the tea.
Well, also, hold on.
We haven't even mentioned this, that the rights to somebody's image
are incredibly valuable.
So I don't know if you guys have noticed over the past four or five years,
I've started to notice a lot more Bob Marley-branded beverages.
Have you seen this?
You heard about this?
You drank this?
I feel like we've discussed it on the show.
I haven't tasted it.
Is it iced tea?
I think they have iced tea, coffee.
Simon, let me get a number crunch on.
What are the Bob Marley-branded beverages?
Never seen this.
You never heard about Bob Marley beverages?
Would Bob Marley-- Would he have wanted this?
Bob Marley was--
How is this allowed?
I don't understand that.
There's a Bob Marley cold brew.
What if he hated coffee?
Mellow mood, you got yerba mate, you got cold brew.
And this is all from the Marley--
Yerba mate.
There's the Marley Beverage Co.
Yerba mate.
Marley Beverage Co. in partnership with Bob Marley's family
is committed to creating mate, tea, and coffee drinks
that are faithful to his legacy.
Oh, okay.
That's sweet.
They have a coffee drink called One Drop.
One Drop.
Oh, my God.
Listen to this quote.
This is so time crisis.
Holy [bleep]
First of all, this is on a website called BevNet.
I guess this is the pitchfork of beverages.
New Age Beverages Corporation,
the Colorado-based organic and natural beverage company
intending to become the world's leading healthy beverage company,
today announced the rollout of its Marley cold brew coffee.
You also got to think, like--
That is deep.
When a family sells the rights to somebody,
it's not quite as crass as somebody being like,
"Well, Grandpa's dead.
I want to start a beverage business."
It might be as simple as somebody coming to them
and being like, "Hey, there's an organic beverage company in Colorado
that wants to give you guys $5 million to license Grandpa.
Here's the deal."
And they look around, and they're like, "Well, whatever.
She needs a hip replacement.
It's been a tough year."
It's not quite as disgusting as a family just dancing on somebody's grave.
So I want to be--
I don't know the details of the Marley family,
but here's a quote.
"The rollout of Marley cold brew is a huge benchmark
in what has become a complete transformation of the Marley brand
since its acquisition last year," said Jay Barrow,
chief brand officer at New Age.
"The brand is now completely rebuilt with an identity and iconography
that resonates with the more than 70 million loyal Marley Facebook followers.
The talent and capabilities behind the Marley brand are extensive,
and this is only the beginning of what will become
a very impactful brand-building campaign."
So that guy's specifically referencing how many Facebook followers Bob Marley has.
So that's a huge part of why there's value in this.
So yeah, those social media followers, it's the same way.
There's always some article that's kind of like,
"You know that this year Marilyn Monroe made more money than she made in her lifetime
just from licensing."
All these things are going to be very important in the future.
I want more rock star and musician beverages.
Like why doesn't Jim Morrison have like a brand of whiskey or something?
Because the doors are played out.
Not true, man. That is a deeply iconic, timeless brand.
Dude, it's like a college dorm when you got Marley and you got Morrison.
No, they don't have-- it's not Morrison anymore.
Really?
I'm not even trying to be a d*** here.
Cobain?
I like the doors.
I think Cobain and Morrison are similar enough that Cobain fully took over.
There's rock star energy drink, though, that really encompasses all of the stars.
I feel like they probably each get like a small cut.
Yeah, you're right about that.
I don't think Cobain would want a drink.
Yeah, because he was like a punk.
I mean, I don't know much about Marley's world.
Marley is super cool.
Bob Marley might be one of the wokest pop stars of all time.
I get that, but--
Have you ever talked about on this show, like my favorite interview with Bob Marley,
where it's like this English guy?
He's like an English journalist who's trying to make him seem like a hypocrite.
The English guy basically says something along the lines of like,
"Are you a very wealthy man now?"
And, you know, trying to be like, "Oh, you're supposed to be like this third world woke dude."
"Oh, but you're rich now, huh?"
Like, you know, classic kind of gotcha questioning system.
They're like, "What do you mean wealthy?"
And the guy's like, "Are you rich? Do you have a lot of money?"
Bob Marley goes, "Money make you rich?"
And then he says something about like, "My riches are not on this earth."
Just like some super like--
Wow.
Actually, I want to play that.
Yeah, that sounds awesome.
Money.
I mean, how much is a lot of money to you?
Yeah, that's a good question.
Have you made, say, millions of dollars?
No.
Are you a rich man?
What do you mean rich? What do you mean?
Do you have a lot of possessions?
A lot of money in the bank?
Possession make you rich?
I don't have that type of richness.
My richness is life.
Oh, I got it wrong.
Okay, do you have a lot of possessions?
Possession make you rich?
Right.
My richness is life.
Do you have any beverages?
Any branded beverages?
Beverage make you rich?
Beverage make you rich.
Anyway, this is all to say that Bob Marley like truly is in a league of his own.
He's just being like this cool disconnected dude who practiced what he preached.
That was amazing.
I'm shook.
Really?
I felt like when I first saw that it kind of like gave me chills.
I was just like, especially when you look around today, there's just like kind of no equivalent.
And understandably, I'm not calling it-
I wonder if Dylan stole that from Marley.
You mean my treasure on the earth?
It's also funny too because it's like-
Bob saw that and he's like, "Oh, that's a good line."
If you kind of use like religious philosophical language, on the one hand, you can be above it all,
but you can also get into some weird nihilistic where somebody like, "Are you rich?"
You're like, "What do you mean rich? Got millions?"
"Oh yeah, I'm loaded, but that's merely my treasure on the earth. My kingdom lies in heaven."
It's like, that's almost like some like shady preacher.
Did you know that Bob Dylan launched a brand of whiskey this year?
Oh, that sounds familiar.
No.
You knew that, Kazzy?
I did know that.
That's tight.
You're a big Dylan fan?
Yeah.
Are you a Dylan fan?
As much as everyone.
Actually, by the way, I know we're all over the place today.
Just one of those days.
But I was curious about this.
Do you listen to Bob Marley?
I do not.
But you know who he is?
Yes.
You're familiar?
Do you listen to Nirvana or Kurt Cobain?
Mm-hmm.
Now, what about The Doors?
Jim Morrison and The Doors.
Are they remotely at the same level as those other iconic musical figures?
How familiar are you with them?
How much do you care about them?
I'm not very familiar with them, no.
But I think if you played their music, I would definitely know it.
They're on Peace Frog.
Peace Frog is kind of a deep cut.
It's a great song, though.
No, no.
I like The Doors.
My point is just that in the '90s, there was kind of Doors mania,
whereas now The Doors is not really popular.
I just feel like that image, the Jim Morrison image, still thrives.
But maybe I'm way off.
Not the music.
I agree.
I mean, in terms of the classic rock bands, The Doors are pretty far down the totem pole.
You went to college, right?
Did people have Bob Marley posters in dorms?
Is that still a thing?
Yeah, I think so.
How often did you see a Jim Morrison poster?
I'm not a very observant person.
Super absent-minded.
What about Dave Matthews Band?
That feels like a big college poster.
That's pretty alt.
Oh, hell yeah.
Jake.
This be a good vampire cover?
This would be sick, dude.
Bucket hat?
Bucket hat on the kid.
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♪ ♪
♪ Indians scattered on Don's highway bleeding. ♪
♪ Ghost crowds the young child's fragile egg-shell mind. ♪
♪ Blood in the streets, in the town of New Haven. ♪
♪ Blood stains the roofs and the palm trees of Venice. ♪
♪ Blood ain't my love in the terrible summer. ♪
♪ Bloody red sun of fantastic L.A. ♪
♪ Blood screens the brain and chops off the fingers. ♪
♪ Blood will be born in the book of Venetia. ♪
♪ Blood is the rose of mysterious union. ♪
♪ Dead blood in the streets, it's up to my ankles. ♪
♪ Blood in the streets, it's up to my knees. ♪
♪ Blood in the streets, the town of Chicago. ♪
♪ Blood on the rise, it's following me. ♪
[record scratch]
You're listening to...
Time Crisis on Beast One.
You know, one last thing, Jake, that I wanted to say.
I'd be remiss not to mention this.
Obviously, the Dead, we're big Marley fans.
Right.
The other day, I listened to a 12-minute
Jerry Garcia band, Stir It Up.
Have you ever listened to that?
Oh, I never heard that.
It's like super noodley.
But whatever, it's cool.
I'm into that Jerry Garcia band reggae stuff.
Oh yeah, he basically does the entire
Heart of They Come soundtrack,
'cause he does Sitting in Limbo, Heart of They Come.
We did Heart of They Come, our last show.
Oh really?
At the Old Town Pub in Pasadena.
Oh sick.
Are you in a band?
Yeah, I'm in a Grateful Dead cover band.
They're major, you gotta check 'em out.
For real?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, Richard's Pictures.
We played the Old Town Pub in Pasadena last week.
I gotta come.
We'll let you know.
Okay, great.
The thing I was gonna say is that,
so obviously the Dead loved reggae,
and Jerry in particular, clearly covered Bob Marley.
The day after Bob Marley died, in the early '80s,
the Dead played He's Gone in his honor.
I don't know if they said something,
it was perceived to be in his honor.
This is for Bob.
It was like an emotional he's gone when Bob Marley died.
Come in full circle.
That's a great song for that occasion.
It's like a classic re-appropriation,
'cause the song itself is kind of like
about a bad man being gone.
Right.
But whatever, at the end of the day,
he's gone.
Did Bob Marley ever listen to the Dead?
Who knows?
Probably not.
No reason to think he did.
Anyway, it's time for the Top 5.
It's time for the Top 5 on iTunes.
So this week on the Top 5,
we're doing something kind of crazy.
This is the Songs of the Summer edition.
Okay.
So we're gonna look at the top five songs
of this summer according to Billboard,
and we're gonna compare it not to one year,
but various decades of songs.
So we're gonna compare the number five Billboard song
to the song of the summer '68.
Then we're gonna compare the number four song
to the song of the summer '78.
Oh, okay.
We're sticking with the eights.
We're going back 50 years.
We're doing crazy eights.
Okay.
This is a crazy eights summer edition,
just to kind of get a broader spectrum of summer songs.
So we're gonna start by taking it all the way back to 1968.
The number one song of the summer of '68,
which was--
♪ Hot town, summer in the city ♪
50 years ago.
Yeah.
You know what else I've been thinking about recently?
How many people there are on the planet at any given moment.
And I was like, I wonder how long ago
were there half as many people on the planet?
And you go back and you're like,
it was like the late '60s, early '70s.
So you're like, when the doors dropped Peace Frog,
there were literally half as many people
on the planet as today.
I don't know what to do with that information,
but there's something about it that's eerie.
All these major cultural milestones
that we think about in the past,
there were just so many less people around.
Yeah, that's wild.
Do you think there were less idiots?
No.
Same percentage.
Same percentage of idiots.
Okay, but you're right.
That's a baseline.
'Cause most people are idiots, I'm sad to say,
myself included, but you're right.
There would have been less idiots on the planet.
Oh, and some.
'Cause yeah, you're like, less people, less idiots.
Technically.
Also, when people talk about all the ways
in which the internet means that there's more out there
and stuff, there's just so many more people.
That's another thing that I think we don't talk about enough
is people are like, humanity's never dealt with the internet
and all these opinions and stuff.
Humanity's also never dealt with this many people.
Your grandma was born.
There might have been a third as many people on the planet.
Just a lot, a lot of people.
Anyway, the song of the summer in '68
was Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass.
This Guy's In Love With You.
Great song.
Written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David.
I'm surprised by this being the song of the summer,
but beautiful song.
♪ You see, this guy ♪
♪ This guy's in love with you ♪
♪ Yes, I'm in love ♪
♪ Who looks at you the way I do ♪
So 1968, we've talked about this famously tumultuous
summer in America.
We haven't done the--
Oh, in my neighborhood.
Haven't done that riff in a while.
♪ Very well, how can I ♪
Yeah, just like slow-mo footage
of the Democratic Convention in Chicago.
Right.
The summer of '68, there was blood on the streets of Chicago
but in my hometown, all I cared about
was the Baltimore Orioles.
And Lisa.
I love this guy's voice.
Who was actually singing?
Is Herb Albert singing himself?
I wanna say yes.
Yeah, he sang lead.
He normally played trumpet but he was singing lead.
A lot of people walked down the aisle to that song.
Yeah. I'm sure.
With slow dance and a garden, summertime.
It's just a funny name too.
This Guy's In Love With You.
It almost reminds me of like Lou Reed in a weird way.
His vocal delivery.
♪ Da da da ♪
♪ It's such a perfect day ♪
So chill.
Yeah.
♪ I'm glad this guy's in love with you ♪
The number five song of this summer.
Major artist, Post Malone.
Here we go.
I hate this song.
(explosion)
Excuse me?
(laughing)
Play it.
We support Post Malone on this program.
(soft music)
♪ Tell my AP go inside ♪
♪ Call him one more bad like Michael ♪
♪ Can't really trust nobody ♪
♪ With all this jewelry on you ♪
What's not to like about Post?
This doesn't please my ear, really.
It's slow and it's like, ugh.
It's like loopy.
Doesn't sit well with me.
Do you like hip hop?
I like some of his--
Do you like the palette?
I like some of his songs.
I don't, I hate this song.
You hate this one in particular?
Yeah.
So it's not the palette.
It's this particular song.
It's also the palette.
One thing you gotta give up for Post,
it's a 2018 Tasteful palette.
Maybe too tasteful.
♪ Hey, try to stuff it all in ♪
♪ But it don't even fit ♪
♪ Hey, know that I've been with this shit ♪
♪ Ever since the chit ♪
♪ Hey, I made my first million ♪
♪ I'm like, this is it ♪
♪ Hey, 34 walked on man we had it lit ♪
♪ Hey, had so many bottles, gave ugly girl a sip ♪
♪ Out the window ♪
I'm pretty in on this one.
Kind of a similar mood to the Herb Alpert.
It's a little dreamy, a little sad.
♪ Oh, diamonds when my teeth are sore ♪
♪ I got homies, let it go ♪
♪ Oh ♪
Post Malone really, I think,
is the biggest artist of his generation.
Is that how it feels to you?
I never really thought about it.
How old is he?
That's kind of a scary thought.
He's only like 24.
Oh, guys his age.
Yeah, you guys are probably the exact same age.
He might be 23. We should be friends.
Yeah, he's on track.
I mean, he already is kind of there,
but if he keeps it up.
Well, how old is Bieber?
Yeah, maybe about the same age.
I think also the same age.
But if he keeps it up.
He could be like the,
yeah, I don't even know who to compare it to,
like the Garth Brooks of his generation,
just like--
That's a tight comparison.
Massive.
But also remember, Post has a rock background,
so it wouldn't surprise me if eventually
he starts dropping some of that stuff.
He'll go country in like 10 years.
I bet he could do it well.
He could lean more into that.
I feel like he's already bigger than like Kid Rock was,
or whoever you want to talk about.
Better material.
If he plays his cards right,
he could be this generation's Eminem.
No, that's a huge stretch.
In terms of like taking over the culture.
There could never be another Eminem.
He doesn't have as forceful a personality
or point of view as Eminem did.
That strident Eminem personality
is what you needed to break through back then.
Today, different mood.
You just need that tasteful new age palate.
You just need tasteful palate.
I like the Garth Brooks comparison.
The song of the summer in '78, Andy Gibb.
Oh, dude.
The Gibb brothers really--
Didn't we just,
oh no, 'cause we did '77 like a few weeks ago.
Yeah, well this song is called "Shadow Dancing."
I don't think I know it.
Wait, I don't know this song,
but there's like a rap song that sampled this.
What song is it?
This is classic time crisis, late '70s.
Top five. It's tasteful.
♪ You got me looking at that heaven in your eyes ♪
♪ I was chasing your direction ♪
♪ I was telling you no lies ♪
♪ And I was loving you ♪
♪ When the words are said ♪
♪ Baby, I was ♪
Okay, you know what's funny?
The song that, this is actually,
this dude was kind of like,
I don't think he ever got that big,
but he was like this really cool
kind of underground New York rapper called Tess, T-E-S.
And he had this song called "New New York."
This wasn't like a big song, but I liked it a lot.
♪ In the city ♪
♪ New New York ♪
♪ New New New New New New York ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ In the city ♪
♪ New New York ♪
♪ Five boroughs, four city rap ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ In the city ♪
♪ New New York ♪
I like this guy, like a weird high voice.
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ In the city ♪
♪ New New York ♪
♪ Five boroughs, four city rap ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ In the city ♪
♪ New New York ♪
♪ New New New New New York ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ In the city ♪
♪ New New York ♪
♪ Five boroughs, four city rap ♪
The number four song of this summer.
This is one that we were,
you know, Tom Cruise, we're a very positive show.
We're very open-minded,
but I have to admit, I went in on this song a little bit.
- Sometimes we go neg.
- Sometimes we go neg.
- Is this the Maroon 5?
- Yeah.
What do you think of this song, Kazzy?
- Oh, this is a jam.
But I can see, I-
- Yeah, maybe it shouldn't have been number four.
♪ Spent 24 hours ♪
♪ I need more hours with you ♪
♪ We spent the weekend getting even ♪
♪ We spent the late nights making things right ♪
- Cardi B can do no wrong, but the song itself.
- I find the combination a little odd.
Like, this may have been a lovelier song without Cardi.
- I'm cool with the Cardi, it's just this hook.
♪ 'Cause girls like you run around with guys like me ♪
♪ 'Til sundown when I come through ♪
♪ I need a girl like you, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Girls like you love falling near me ♪
♪ Do what I want when I come through ♪
♪ I need a girl like you, yeah, yeah ♪
- Adam Levine already feels a little like,
I can just picture it too well.
Him, like, stopping by the studio for like 10 minutes
on the way to do the voice and just be like,
"Here's the track."
- I'm just laying it down.
So something about his voice, I just like don't feel it.
Him going, ♪ Girls like you run around with guys like me ♪
♪ 'Til sundown I'll run you ♪
♪ I need a girl like you ♪
Just like this circular, meaningless whatever.
And Maroon 5 has some like emotional songs.
- Their first single, "Outta the Gate," was great.
- This love?
- Yeah, it's been downhill from there.
- That was a classic. - That was something.
The song of the summer in '88.
Wow, this is a surprise to me.
I know Jake's gonna be happy about this.
- Yeah?
- Apparently the song of the summer, 1988, 30 years ago.
By the way, Jake, you ready for this
when the '90s are gonna start being 30 years ago?
- I'm not ready.
- You're not ready?
- I'm not ready yet.
- It's gonna be too weird?
- It's already weird that they're 20 years ago.
- You got a year and a half to get ready for it.
- Yes, you're right.
- We're gonna be sitting right here in two and a half years
talking about the 30th anniversary of Nirvana's "Nevermind."
Anyway, the song of the summer, '88, Steve Winwood.
Roll with it.
Oh, this song, okay.
I love my '80s Winwood.
Higher Love.
- Kind of a better song, but this is fun.
- Is this a cover though of like a song from the '60s?
I think so, right?
- The writers are credited as Steve Winwood, Will Jennings,
and then Holland Dozier Holland, who were major songwriters.
Maybe he got sued or something.
- What's the most times something's been covered?
And I don't mean like, oh, they've covered this
a million different ways from the original.
I mean like a cover of the cover of the cover
of the cover of the cover.
- You mean where you can do a direct chain?
- Yeah.
Like someone covered.
- People talk about that sometimes
with Leonard Cohen "Hallelujah,"
because the original Leonard Cohen version
is kind of like vibey and weird and like synthy.
And then on a Leonard Cohen tribute album in the early '90s,
John Cale from the Velvet Underground did a cover,
which is kind of what Jeff Buckley was covering.
- Right, and that became the sort of version
to cover after that.
- Yeah, so in that way you can see a chain
where it's like the 99% of people
who are like singing "Hallelujah" wherever on the boards.
- Are covering a cover.
- They're covering a cover of a cover of a cover.
- Copy that.
So if you're doing all on the Watchtower
and you're a rock and roll band,
you're doing the Hendrix version.
- You're doing cover of a cover.
But hold on a second.
So Steve Winwood wrote this song, but you're right.
He was told that his song sounded a little too much
like an old Motown song, Junior Walker "I'm a Roadrunner."
So he'd had to give off some publishing.
♪ I'm a roadrunner, baby ♪
♪ Can't stay in one place too long ♪
♪ I'm with it, baby ♪
♪ I'm on a roadrunner, baby ♪
♪ Do you want me ♪
- Yeah, that's fair.
- Totally fair.
That's rare for you, Ezra, to cop to it being fair.
Usually you're like, no one should ever get sued.
- There's a lot of frivolous lawsuits out there.
I just think, I draw a line in the sand.
If it's like vibe arrangement,
that's when you start to get really weird.
That one's funny 'cause it's not only is the melody
the same, but it's even--
- But it's also like a R&B throwback.
- Yeah, and you could also picture somebody, you know,
♪ Roadrunner, roll with it ♪
It's like so similar.
- Number three song of the summer.
No surprise here, Drake, "Nice For What."
♪ I wanna know who my ♪
♪ Representing here tonight ♪
♪ Hold on, hold on ♪
♪ I keep letting you back in ♪
♪ How can I explain myself ♪
♪ You said you'd pay for me bad ♪
♪ Louisiana ♪
♪ You said you'd pay for me time ♪
♪ Murder on the beat ♪
- This is a very noisy song,
which I respect.
- I think it's undeniably a perfect song.
- Oh, you love this song?
- Especially with Lauryn Hill, oh my God.
- Really?
- Yeah.
It's almost cheating.
♪ Everybody get your ♪
♪ Roll on ♪
♪ I know shorty and she doesn't want no so-so ♪
♪ Had a man last year like ♪
- Is this your favorite Drake song in the summer?
- Like it would be basic if I said yes,
but it's really good.
- Is Drake a (beep) boy?
- Whoa.
- He seems like a chill dude,
but I don't know anything about him.
- He's a nice guy.
Although is it a thin line between nice guy and (beep) boy?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, 'cause if you're promiscuous
and emotionally unavailable,
but you're up front with that,
is that being an (beep) boy?
- Maybe in some circumstances.
- Sure.
- But if you're constantly telling everyone,
like I love women,
like I respect women,
I'm a great guy.
- Like Trump?
Oh, Trump's totally an (beep) boy, isn't he?
- He's a Trump boy.
- 70 year old.
- That's like too nice even for him.
- Well, you know what it is?
I also think it's a little like,
remember we talked about like there's that classic
kind of like,
it's like an Eagle song or something
that like song about rock excess.
That's just like,
man, this world's crazy.
Is it all meaningless?
You know, and I can relate to that too.
- Yeah.
- But you're, you know, you're still doing it.
You're still writing a song about it.
So it's also kind of like,
if maybe the first 50 Drake songs were about kind of like,
yo, I love women,
but also I don't know how to be in a relationship
and I want to treat them right,
but I've left good girls behind
and blah, blah, blah.
And it's weird.
You know, at first you,
you recognize an issue.
I guess it's like with anything,
you could recognize an issue.
He recognized in himself.
- It's weird.
- How weird it is that you could love different women
and also have to leave them.
And did you make mistakes?
You know, whatever you recognize that
you're examining yourself.
- Sure, that's a normal.
- Do you then create a new course of action,
which is like, okay, you know,
I've been thinking about it.
I made a hundred songs about how I can't trust anybody
and how I've left so many good girls behind.
The next phase of my life,
I'm going to really clean house,
stop worrying so much about my career,
settle down with a good girl and some good friends.
And you probably won't hear from me for a while,
but of course not.
It's like, you got, it never ends.
- Yeah, but couldn't you keep the career popping
and just start writing different types of songs?
- It could also be a little bit like
on some like Ozzy Osbourne,
where it's like,
he wasn't biting the heads off bats in the nineties.
You know, we saw it on the TV show.
He's a dad living in a big house on the West side of LA,
just hanging out with his kids,
dealing with all sorts of goofy stuff,
but he would still, you know,
put on some makeup and go on stage and sing about Satan.
'Cause that's what you do.
Alice Cooper or something like that.
So maybe--
- That's the brand.
- It could be, you know, when Drake in like 10 years,
Drake is married, couple kids,
living in Calabasas.
And he keeps that really quiet.
And then he drops an album that's just like about,
oh, Teresa and Boise, we were texting.
Oh my God.
Like, 'cause that's what people want from Drake.
Also imagine if Drake--
- But then he could really grow as an artist
to write the album about, you know,
living in Calabasas.
- He'll be at a crossroads.
Or imagine that Drake finally cleaned house
and he's like, you know what?
I can finally trust everybody.
- Yeah.
- These are great.
- I can finally trust everybody.
You know what?
Time and time again,
I was looking for trust with people who obviously
weren't gonna give me what I wanted.
I should clean house and I should really just,
hang out with my family and you know,
three to four close friends.
My entourage is way too big.
I was asking for trouble.
Even if he does that, for all we know,
Drake, well, he kept his baby quiet.
Maybe he is married.
He's got kids and he's only hangs out with people
he can trust and they do right by him.
- It's a Black Mirror episode.
- Yeah, start writing about the sound of the wind
rustling through the eucalyptus leaves.
- Just start--
- Glinting off the pool in the morning.
- Drake just starts dropping haikus.
- Yeah, man.
- The eucalyptus leaves rustle.
I can trust everybody in my circle.
- Could be a banger.
- I am content.
- The word eucalyptus.
- Eucalyptus.
- You can still rap about Instagram.
- Eucalyptus does sound like a Drake song.
- That would be a tight album title.
Drake, eucalyptus.
- That is so realistic.
- That's cool because actually this album
was called Scorpion.
- Okay.
- Scorpion is a animal that we associate
with stinging and poison.
- Right.
- Eucalyptus soothes.
I gave you scorpion.
That was the end of the conflicted Drake.
- But the eucalyptus is also a non-native species.
It's a transplant.
- And Drake's Canadian.
- And everyone comes to Southern California
with the dream, they transplant to Southern California
with the dream of making it big.
- Right.
I love it.
- Drake, eucalyptus coming later in 2018.
Coming December 2018.
- No, it's like in two months.
- Yeah, coming October 2018.
Drake, eucalyptus.
Anyway, the number one song of the summer, 98.
And you know what's interesting, 98,
that's when I was 14.
- Oh, nice.
- And so this song does loom large for me.
Brandy and Monica, The Boy Is Mine.
Do you know this song, Jake?
- I bet I will.
- Do you know this song, Kazzy?
- No.
- Do you know The Boy Is Mine by Brandy and Monica?
- Not yet.
- What?
- Wow.
Now for people like me and Seinfeld,
Silverback Millennials, this is like a...
- Is that a common term, Silverback Millennial?
- No, I created it about a year ago.
It never caught on.
- It's great.
- It never caught on, not even remotely,
but I'm bringing it back one last time.
This song was so massive and the video was topping TRL
all summer long.
- 98, I was still big into terrestrial radio.
- What is terrestrial radio?
- What was that intro?
- Radio.
- I've never heard that intro to your car.
- Have you ever heard that?
- I've never heard that either.
- Like when you randomly encounter music.
- Okay, I love that beautiful, like, what is it?
- It's a chime?
- It's like some spa music.
It's like a weird harp sound almost.
Welcome to the spa.
- This is Rodney Jerkins, right?
- Yeah, it's actually a nice...
- It's beautiful.
- Through line to Post Malone.
- I bet Post could murder this.
- Do you know somebody named?
- You know his name?
- Oh yeah, definitely, I know his name.
I just want to let you know that he's mine.
- No, no, he's mine.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh, they're fighting over the same dude?
- Of course, this song.
- So you do know it?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
♪ The boy is mine ♪
- This song does not pass the,
what's it called, the Bechdel test?
- This song doesn't pass the Bechdel test?
- No, right?
- What is that test again?
- I think it's when two women are in a scene
and they're not talking about anything other than a man.
- I think it's about how often women talk to each other
in a movie because there's a lot of movies
that might have female characters,
but if the female characters are always talking to men,
it's still male-centric.
And then if the women are talking to each other,
but they're talking about a man, it's still male-centric.
So I think those are the two,
in broad strokes, those are the major roles.
So in this song, it is two women talking to each other.
So you're saying just about everything
they're saying is about the boy.
- I think this fails.
- The name must fail.
- I would say most music would fail.
And movies and everything.
- It's a problem.
♪ It's not hard to see ♪
♪ Boy is mine ♪
♪ I'm sorry ♪
♪ Stop with the cute ♪
♪ You seem to be confused ♪
♪ Leaving most you can take ♪
♪ Girl is mine ♪
♪ What you do, the things you do ♪
♪ You keep on acting like a fool ♪
♪ You need to know it's me, not you ♪
♪ What if you didn't know it, girl, it's true ♪
♪ I think now you should realize ♪
♪ Try to understand why ♪
♪ He is a part of my life ♪
♪ I know it's killing you inside ♪
♪ You can say what you wanna say ♪
♪ What we have, you can't take ♪
♪ From the truth, you can't escape ♪
♪ I can tell the real from the fake ♪
♪ When will you get the picture ♪
♪ You're the best in the future ♪
♪ Get away, it's mine, I'm too shy ♪
♪ If you didn't know the boy is mine ♪
♪ You need to give it up ♪
♪ Had it loud enough ♪
♪ It's not hard to see ♪
♪ The boy is mine ♪
♪ I'm sorry that he's a useless thing to be confused ♪
♪ He belongs to me ♪
♪ He's the one I need to give it up ♪
♪ Had it loud enough ♪
♪ It's not hard to see ♪
♪ The boy is mine ♪
- Drake could use that. - Non-stop.
Well, and also it's funny because I guess a lot of duets
when people are of the same gender
tend to be about something like this
'cause there is a very famous song called "The Girl is Mine."
- "The Doggone Girl is Mine." - "The Doggone Girl is Mine."
And that was Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney
going head to head for the affections of a young lady.
- That's hilarious. - It's just so hilarious.
Although "The Boy is Mine,"
it's like this kind of minor key, very like vibey thing.
It's like kind of intense.
"The Doggone Girl is Mine" is kind of like fun
and kind of light.
- There's like a spoken word part of that too, isn't there?
Where they're like, "No, he's mine, huh?"
I'm sorry, what am I doing?
- No, that sounded like Michael Jackson.
- No, that was good. - Oh, thank you, okay.
- Yeah, they talk to each other
and one of them says something like,
"I'm a lover, not a fighter."
♪ Every night she walks right in my dreams ♪
♪ Since I met her from the start ♪
♪ I'm so proud I am the only one ♪
♪ Who is special in her heart ♪
♪ The girl is mine ♪
- Is this "The Weeknd?"
I'm just kidding.
- This is "The Weeknd" and Sam Smith
with "The Girl is Mine."
But let's find out how far they talk.
- Weekend and shearing, dude.
- Michael, we're not gonna fight about this, okay?
- Paul, I think I told you.
I'm a lover, not a fighter.
- I've heard it all before, Michael.
She told me that I'm her forever lover, you know,
don't you remember?
- Well, after loving me,
she said she couldn't love another.
- Is that what she said?
- Yeah, she said it.
You keep dreaming.
♪ I don't believe it ♪
- Oh, yeah.
♪ The girl is mine ♪
♪ I don't believe it ♪
- Wait, Paul, I thought we were talking now.
Why'd you start singing again?
I thought this was the talking part.
♪ I don't believe it ♪
- Michael, she said I was her forever lover.
It's so weird.
- Oh my.
- And then he bought all his music.
- Paul's like 40 there, probably.
- 82.
- Maybe even younger, like late 30s.
- Paul had a couple kids at that point.
- Mm-hmm.
- Wait a second, Michael, you know very well
I'm married to Linda.
If we're competing over a girl,
you'd be sleeping with my wife.
- She said after loving me.
(laughing)
- Oh my God.
- Wait, hold on a second, Michael.
I've been with one woman for 15 years.
- Well, you calling me a (beep) boy?
(laughing)
(beep) you, Paul.
- The number two song of this summer,
no surprise. - MJ Impressions.
(laughing)
- No surprise, the number two song of this summer,
Drake, again, "In My Feelings."
Jake, are you aware of the "In My Feelings" challenge?
- I don't think I am.
Wait, we've had this conversation.
- I hate challenges.
Like, they give me anxiety.
- Just generally in life?
- Yeah, I just hate them.
There's so much participation.
- Have you ever done a challenge?
- No, I'll never do a challenge.
- You didn't do the ice bucket challenge?
- Nope, don't challenge me.
- I feel like the word challenge is not even--
- I'll invent a challenge
and I'll be the first to do a challenge,
but I will not participate in a challenge.
- That'd be pretty crazy to start a challenge.
- TC challenge.
- Has it ever happened, Grace,
that we've tried to start challenges before?
- I think we did.
- Oh, we did the goldfish challenge.
- I mean, that took off.
- Are you aware--
- No.
- The goldfish challenge is--
- I would participate in a goldfish challenge.
- The goldfish challenge is you throw a party
and at the snack table, you put out hummus,
but you don't put out any carrots or chips or anything,
or any kind of sauce.
- Just goldfish.
- You could also put out guacamole sauce or whatever,
but the only thing that you could possibly use
to scoop it up is goldfish.
And then you just see how people act.
- That's so brilliant.
- To see if anybody asks you,
hey, you got anything besides goldfish?
- Did you tape it?
You have to put a camera up there.
- Well, people have sent us still images.
- This was the Super Bowl goldfish challenge too.
- That was the Super Bowl goldfish challenge.
- That's high stakes.
- Oh my God, that's so funny.
- You throw a Super Bowl party
and you only put out goldfish.
- Oh, so what is the In My Feelings challenge?
- It's a dance, right?
- Hard pass.
- You play a part of the song.
- Yeah, hard pass, exactly.
- You get out of your car and someone's filming you
and you're dancing while the car is moving.
- Wait, what?
You keep the car in drive and you get out?
- It's not even like that thing,
what was that called when you would--
- Oh, ghost riding the whip?
- At least that makes sense.
- The In My Feelings challenge also is interesting
'cause it just started as one guy, I believe it was Shiggy,
zeroed in on this particular part of this song
and he did a dance that kind of slightly mimics the lyrics
'cause it goes, "Kiki, do you love me?"
And he does the heart.
"Are you riding?"
And he does something like he's driving a car.
So it started out just people doing it
and then it kind of suddenly became a thing
where you do it outside the door of a moving car.
- You know, someone can do something interesting
and we don't all have to do it, you know?
- Fair point.
- You need everybody to do it for it to be a thing.
We live in a society, period.
We live in a society where it's all about the numbers.
So what's the point of just doing one cool thing?
You need numbers.
You need a lot of people doing it.
You need to keep it going.
Anyway, Jake, this is how it goes.
- I still don't understand what it is.
You're not the driver.
- No, the driver is filming you.
- And you just get out of the passenger seat?
- And then you kind of go and you go,
♪ Kiki, do you love me? ♪
- But the car is in like a parking lot
and it's rolling at like five MPH.
- Hey man, it could be on a street.
- But why?
♪ And I'm down for your always, KB ♪
♪ Do you love me? ♪
♪ Are you riding? ♪
♪ Say you'll never ever leave from beside me ♪
♪ 'Cause I want you ♪
♪ And I need you ♪
♪ And I'm down for your always ♪
♪ But the new me is really still the real me ♪
♪ I swear you gotta feel me before they try and kill me ♪
♪ They gotta make some choices ♪
♪ They running out of options ♪
♪ 'Cause I been going off ♪
♪ And they don't know when to stop ♪
♪ And when you get to the top ♪
♪ And I see that you've been learning ♪
♪ And when you get to shopping ♪
♪ You spend it like you earned it ♪
♪ And when you popped off on your ex ♪
♪ He deserved it ♪
♪ I thought you were the one from the jump ♪
♪ That confirmed it ♪
♪ Trap money, Benny ♪
♪ I buy you champagne but you love some Henny ♪
♪ From the block like you Jenny ♪
♪ I know you special girl 'cause I know too many ♪
♪ Risha, do you love me? ♪
♪ Are you riding? ♪
♪ Say you'll never ever leave from beside me ♪
♪ 'Cause I want you and I need you ♪
♪ And I'm down for you always ♪
♪ JT, do you love me? ♪
♪ Are you riding? ♪
♪ Say you'll never ever leave from beside me ♪
♪ 'Cause I want you and I need you ♪
♪ And I'm down for you always ♪
- A lot of it feels like people just wanting
to show off their dance moves.
- Late breaking right on time crisis.
- That they can do it better.
- Right on.
- Time crisis, August 26.
We zero in on a new phenomenon,
the In My Feelings Challenge.
Will it go viral?
- Do you think you have to have no intention
of creating a challenge to create the challenge?
- That's a great question.
- Yeah, it has to be organic, right?
- Something that a lot of people who run social media
for brands would like to know.
Seinfeld, cross-reference Wendy's Twitter
with the Drake In My Feelings Challenge.
Did that happen?
Her probably Moon Pie, those (beep) suck ups.
- Moon Pie.
- Moon Pie tweeted at Wendy's,
"Wendy's, do you love me?"
- I don't think Wendy's jumped on the challenge,
but I do see a lot of people tweeting at Wendy's
with the In My Feelings Challenge hashtag
being like, "Wendy's, where you at on this?
"How come you haven't jumped on it?"
- Well, be careful what you wish for, Wendy's.
All your savage burns and epic clapbacks.
Now you're so tied to culture, you can't take a day off.
- Painted yourself into a real corner here, Wendy's.
- Do you actually work for Wendy's?
- No.
Really wanna put that out there.
I did not attend Vassar.
And I have no affiliation with the Wendy's brand.
- It would be so tight if you did.
- I'm so glad I asked,
'cause I was really gonna leave here thinking that.
- So for weeks and weeks,
you would have talked about Wendy's
and I'd just be quietly lurking here,
sweat drop, smiling.
- That would be top 10 anime betrayals for "Sign Crisis."
If suddenly it was revealed that Seinfeld
was one of the social media managers for Wendy's,
that'd be so crazy.
- I think they retweeted me once.
- Really?
- And it was so early in the savage clapback Twitter era
that I was a little stoked on it.
I think that's the closest I've gotten.
- Before it became a whole thing?
You wouldn't be stoked now?
- No, now that we've really interrogated it
and thought about it and it's like a little played out
to like be a clapback brand,
no, I wouldn't be stoked anymore.
- I wonder if "Time Crisis" is becoming basic
with our takes on Wendy's.
Bear with me, 'cause we all know that
as a conversation develops in culture,
one point of view is basic and another one is cutting edge.
And then as time goes on,
the cutting edge one becomes basic.
And the one that used to be basic,
you're actually supposed to adopt to be a contrarian
and say like, "All these people saying that whatever,
"capitalism is bad."
You know, like eventually you have to go full circle.
So it was basic.
That's just how, I don't make the rules.
This is how it works.
Bran started serving savage clapbacks.
It was very basic at first.
Like you were even saying Seinfeld,
you were kind of stoked on getting
a savage Wendy's clapback.
- It was fresh.
It was like, you know,
these guys have dropped the veneer of the corporate polish
and they're just getting in there
with the so-called weird Twitter.
- Right, it's kind of like this,
like I hate these faceless brands.
And then it's kind of like,
brands are starting to get real.
I like that.
And then it became background to be like,
you idiots are getting psyched
because Wendy's jumped on a meme.
That's the most basic ever.
And so then we, you know, became, it's basic to life.
And that's kind of the time crisis view.
Because that time crisis,
we position ourselves as being a little bit above it all.
Be like, we don't appreciate that.
But then, as often happens with these things,
then you start seeing people saying like,
oh, and by the way,
all the elitists who are (beep) on brands
that are just trying to do social media,
keep in mind, you're talking about a poorly paid person
who doesn't have power within the organization,
who's just trying to make rent for that month.
And that becomes like the new most extreme viewpoint.
So then eventually it might be like,
you know what, when you really think about it,
the people doing Wendy's social media
are actually a lot more socialist
than the (beep) people on Twitter complaining about it.
You know what I mean?
We've all witnessed conversations that go this way.
- Yikes.
- I think the truth is with everything that happens,
I mean, short of things that are, you know,
undeniably like literally hurting people or whatever,
with things that are like,
kind of you can't quite put your finger on
if it's a good or a bad thing,
there's always gonna be a little bit of a cycle
that liking it is whack and hating it's cool,
then hating it's whack and being like,
you know what, (beep) you, I actually like it as cool.
I guess the only truly enlightened view
is when you're kind of above it all
and you're just like, I've lived for many moons.
I've seen times of war, times of peace,
I've seen death, I've seen life.
Happiness is ephemeral, but sadness is ephemeral too.
Wendy's clapbacks, I've seen moments
when they were considered savage
and times when they were considered laughable.
- Take the Bob Marley approach.
- Yeah, just chill out.
Would you raise your fist in anger at the wind?
These are the cycles of life.
- This is track eight on the new Drake record.
- Yeah.
(laughing)
You can live to this.
- Drake, you can live, I swear that really sounds real.
The song of the summer in 2008,
that was quite a summer for me in my neighborhood
'cause that was the first summer
that Vampire Weekend was like out there.
Our first album came out January 2008
and that was the first time
we'd be playing festivals and stuff.
I actually briefly met Katie for the first time in 2008.
She was a host. - Katie Davidson?
- No, I met Katie Davidson before then.
Katie Perry, the two Katie's.
- Oh, are we listening to Katie Perry right now?
(laughing)
- You really thought that?
- I was like, I don't know what,
I have no idea what's coming next.
- Katie Perry was one of the hosts
of a short-lived MTV show.
I think Pete Wentz was the main host from Fall Out Boy.
- Okay.
- MTV was trying to kind of bring back videos
and they did a show,
I literally can't remember what the show was called,
and they showed her and Lil Wayne
our video for Oxford Comma.
I know that there's video, apparently,
'cause one of the producers told me this,
of Lil Wayne sitting in his trailer
watching the Oxford Comma video and talking about it.
I don't know if it's ever been aired.
I don't even know if I believe this,
but they told me that after that,
Lil Wayne made a video for his hit song, "A Milli,"
and he made a one-shot video
that's like him walking out of his trailer.
This person swore to me
that Lil Wayne watched the Oxford Comma video
and was like, oh, that's interesting.
I'll make a video like that.
We didn't invent the one-shot video,
but I'm, so whatever,
it's not like we're super creative or anything.
- Wow.
- I just wanna see this video of Lil Wayne in 2008
watching the Vampire Weekend.
MTV, can we hook this up?
Can somebody inquire?
Kazzy, do you know anybody on MTV?
- No.
- Okay, this is more like a Seinfeld thing.
Seinfeld, get on that.
- The show was called Feedback New MTV.
FNMTV.
- Oh, yeah, FNMTV.
I also remember being backstage
and somebody brought Lil Mama in to talk to us.
Do you guys know who Lil Mama is?
- What a night you had.
- No, I don't.
That's when I really knew I made it.
I met Pete Wentz, Lil Mama.
- It's like squad goals.
- Kind of.
I mean, I actually like all these people.
I always liked Lil Mama.
Also, when I was a teacher in Brooklyn,
the first song ever that the kids showed me
before it blew up was her hit song, Lip Gloss.
My lip gloss is cool.
Do you know this one?
My lip gloss is cool.
My lip gloss is poppin'.
So I remember the kids would be talking about that song.
But what is that?
It hadn't blown up yet.
And I was like, all right.
Your old teacher learning something.
- How old were the kids that you taught?
- Like 14, average age.
- Okay, so like freshmen, eighth grade.
- Eighth grade.
And I remember somebody brought her in and said like,
oh, hey, Lil Mama,
these guys are in a band called Vampire Weekend.
And I don't know if she just like was in kind of a guru mode
or maybe she just thought that we were,
and maybe she was right, we'd just come out.
I just remember that she like immediately was like,
nice to meet you.
And I was like, oh yeah, good to meet you too.
And she just immediately said to us,
listen, never give up.
If you believe in yourselves, big things can happen to you.
And I want you to understand something.
She talked about her experience and stuff like that
and say, but really don't give up, keep going.
Big things can happen, Baba.
And then I think she walked out.
I just remember being kind of bewildered.
Like, did they tell her that we were-
- Just out of nowhere?
- Yeah, I was like, did they tell her
that we won a contest or something?
She kind of talked to us like we'd won a contest.
And you know what?
Maybe we had in a weird way.
- Wow.
- The only thing was she was also on her first album, but-
- You're like, but Lil Wayne's watching my music video
and he said it's interesting.
- I didn't know that at the time.
I gotta see this footage.
I wonder if he says, who knows?
Maybe I'll be disappointed.
Maybe he'll be like, this sucks.
I can do a better version of this.
- Which rapper was the first Lil?
- Oh, I mean-
- Cam?
- Can you believe how many people copied Lil?
- It's amazing.
- And Big.
- Lil really caught on.
- Abner?
- There's still new Lils.
- Obviously there's a little kid.
I'm sure there's little people going back to the eighties.
Or there's probably even like even older.
I bet there's like probably-
- I'm sure there's a, yeah, there's a history behind Lil.
- A blue musician from the twenties or something.
- Right.
- But definitely Lil Wayne was one of the most influential
of the past 20 years.
Lil B.
- Of the Lils.
- Anyway, the song of the summer 2008 was
"I Kissed a Girl Katy Perry".
Imagine if this song came out today.
Do you remember when this song came out?
- Mm-hmm.
Iconic.
- You were like a 13 or 14 or something?
- Yeah.
- So that's like an age where you really start
being more interested in pop culture.
Did you think the song was cool when it came out?
- I thought it was good.
- Did you find it edgy?
- I don't remember.
Maybe.
- This is way more rock.
- It was fun.
- Yeah, Katy Perry had like a touch of emo in the early days.
- I think Twitter would bury this song alive today.
- Yeah.
- I don't think if actually heard this.
- Well Rita Ora like got trashed for that song.
- That's right, yeah.
♪ I kissed a girl and I liked it ♪
♪ The taste of her cherry chapstick ♪
♪ I kissed a girl just to try it ♪
♪ I hope my boyfriend don't mind it ♪
♪ It felt so wrong, it felt so right ♪
♪ Don't mean I'm in love tonight ♪
♪ I kissed a girl and I liked it ♪
♪ I liked it ♪
- Wow.
She's probably at the distance herself from this song.
- I mean it's great.
It's so good.
- I don't know.
Has Katy been dropping this on set list lately?
- Not in the past couple of years, no.
And actually I think I read something where she like
kind of looked back more and apologized a little bit
for this song.
- Oh that's really too bad.
We shouldn't have to apologize for things like this.
- Why is she, I don't know the song at all.
Why should she feel shame about it?
- Well again, I don't wanna--
- 'Cause she's not queer.
- I don't know how she identifies.
I don't wanna speak to that.
But I think most people assume
that she's a heterosexual person
and that this song is about a kind of heterosexual
fetishizing of--
- I get it.
She's jumping on the bandwagon.
- And even just to be like,
like it'd be one thing,
like write a song about love,
whatever that might be.
And if it's from a non-heterosexual point of view, cool.
But to be like, it's all edgy and it felt so wrong.
It felt so right.
- This is what Katy said.
We've changed conversationally in the last 10 years.
We've come a long way.
Bisexuality wasn't talked about back then
or any type of fluidity.
If I had to write that song again,
I would probably make an edit on it.
- Yeah, probably.
But it's a shame.
It's a great song.
- I just felt like there was one chorus too many.
(laughing)
- A quick edit.
- It felt fine.
It didn't feel problematic at all.
- Yeah.
- Would have been the line.
- It didn't feel wrong.
- So she's been keeping it up.
Well, whatever, yeah.
- It felt normal.
- If she doesn't like how the song plays now,
then she shouldn't play it.
I get that.
Yeah, she's allowed to have regrets
and change about how she wants to portray herself
and her art.
- So she dropped it off the set list?
- Yeah.
Actually, I don't really know,
but let's assume she did.
- Well, at least-- - Big hit.
- At least we got that great 17 minute,
"I kissed a girl" in 2014.
- One of your biggest hits.
- She really jammed it out. - Can't play it anymore.
- Oh, she has so many hits.
This probably isn't even top five biggest hits
for her anymore.
- Imagine if Springsteen in the late '80s
had written one of his character songs
from the point of view of a gay man.
- Is "Streets of Philadelphia" kind of that?
- Is it?
- Well, the movie is obviously about a gay man's struggle.
- Is he dying?
And yeah, I was bruised and battered.
Yeah, I guess it kind of was.
- I guess Bruce even back then had the foresight
not to be like--
- It felt so wrong.
- Yeah. - It felt so right.
- Right, it seemed like Bruce had the humanity to--
- He was sympathetic.
- I would like to think as a fan that Bruce was like,
"Hey, I'm a heterosexual man from New Jersey.
"I don't have the specific struggles
"of the character in this, you know,
"gay man dealing with the hatred of the world,
"but if I put myself in his shoes
"as I've been asked to do by the film's director,
"I can see a shared humanity in the struggle of all people."
- Beautifully put.
- He won an Academy Award for that.
- Yeah.
- "The night has fallen, I'm lying awake.
"I can feel myself fading away.
"So receive me, brother, with your faithless kiss,
"or will we leave each other alone like this
"on the streets of Philadelphia?"
In some ways, the character in the "Streets of Philadelphia"
song, it's very similar to like the "Dancing in the Dark" guy.
And also, I do think that there's something cool about that
Bruce could say, it is kind of weird sometimes
where people from one group don't have sympathy
for a smaller group dealing with some bull (beep)
'cause obviously what the Philadelphia is about
is so specific in some ways, you know,
the hatred, the homophobia, and the AIDS crisis
and whatever, but you know, somebody like Bruce
hopefully could make somebody else say like,
anybody who's ever been a pawn in somebody else's game,
a cog in the machine, ought to have sympathy
for other people getting crushed
by something bigger than them.
And actually, I am a Katy Perry fan,
but I will say specifically, "Streets of Philadelphia"
is a better song than "I Kissed a Girl," controversial.
(explosion)
- First time that's ever been laid out.
- Yeah, Katy Perry has other great songs.
- "Streets of Philadelphia" versus "I Kissed a Girl."
(laughing)
That's a TC, what a poll.
- The number one song of this summer,
according to Billboard, Drake came damn close.
He had number three and two,
but the biggest rapper of the summer of 2018 is not Drake.
Sorry, Seinfeld, it's not a Canadian.
- What?
- It's a New Yorker, and her name's Cardi B.
Song of the summer, everybody.
♪ I like it like that ♪
♪ Now I like dollars, I like diamonds ♪
♪ I like stunning, I like shining ♪
♪ I like million dollar deals ♪
♪ Where's my pen, bitch, I'm starting ♪
♪ I like both the list ♪
- She makes me laugh.
- We've talked about this song six ways to Sunday.
Wait, what do people say six ways--
- Sunday.
- To Sunday?
- Yeah, I think so. - Is it from or to?
- Through Sunday?
Till Sunday?
- Six ways to Sunday.
Everyone's on their phones.
♪ Daddy, spicy, mommy, hot tamale ♪
♪ Hotter than a sarmale ♪
♪ Bird, crow, buck, rari ♪
♪ Hop off the stoop, jump in the coop ♪
♪ Big dip on top of the roof ♪
♪ Best in them (beep) as hard as I can ♪
♪ Eating halal, driving a Lam ♪
♪ Throw that (beep) I'm sorry though ♪
♪ Throw my coins like Mario ♪
♪ Yeah, they call me Cardi B ♪
♪ I run this (beep) like cardio ♪
♪ Diamond district in the chain ♪
♪ Say bye, you know I'm gang ♪
♪ Drop the top and blow the band ♪
♪ Oh, he's so handsome, what's his name ♪
- It's from Sunday.
- Six ways from Sunday?
- Yeah.
- So I would say we've talked about this song
six ways from Sunday.
- That didn't feel natural.
I don't know if you should use that again.
- It's to Sunday and it's from Sunday,
depending on the context.
- Are there some other phrases that mean
we've looked at this from every angle?
- We've talked about this song til the cows come home.
- We could just say that.
- Well, the tense feels wrong with that.
That's usually conditional.
We are like, we could.
Would it be weird to say,
we've talked about this song til the cows came home.
- No, that makes no sense.
- Home they came.
The cows came home.
We talked about this song til we were blue in the face.
- That's a classic.
- Anyway, my point is that we've talked about this song
a lot here at Time Crisis.
We all love Cardi B.
She's America's sweetheart.
She's the biggest rapper in America.
She's killing it.
And there is something so inherently likable about her
that it's like, kinda she brightens every song she's on.
But I just wanna talk for a second about,
she's talking about all these things she likes,
you know, and things that everybody likes,
like those Balenciagas that look like socks
or getting big checks.
You know, generally, these are consensus things
that people like.
The least consensus thing in her list
is texts from my exes when they want a second chance.
- That's stressful.
- Yeah, some people would say that
that's the opposite of something you would like.
- I don't want that.
- You don't want that, Jake?
- Nope.
- There wouldn't be a part of you
now you're a married man looking back
and you just get texts from somebody saying,
Jake, I know you're a married man now.
- We haven't talked in years.
- I know you're an American painter and radio personality.
(laughs)
You haven't heard from me for a long time,
but I just wanted you to know,
if you would ever give me a second chance,
I just think you're a hell of a guy.
- That would stress me out so hard.
- Yeah, actually, it would stress me out too.
What's the point?
It's actually 'cause Cardi B--
- So she gets it and she's just like, ha ha.
- Cardi B's married too.
- She just laughs at the dude.
- She's married with a baby.
And then Offset's like, what's so funny?
Oh, you know, it's just one of those things that I like.
The Balenciagas?
- Nope.
- No texts from my ex.
Oh yeah?
Why, did he say something funny?
Well, he wants a second chance
and that filled me with a merriment.
- Okay, I don't find that particularly amusing.
- We're talking this over in therapy next week.
(laughing)
Who's her husband?
- Offset.
- His name is Offset?
- Jake, you are so--
- That is the best name ever.
- Jake, you've been so checked out, man.
Offset is from--
- Dude, I'm playing a Grateful Dead cover band.
(laughing)
- Offset is from, you know, and that's one thing--
- Is it spelled like Offset?
- Yeah, that's another thing I'll say
about Richard Pictures.
If you want a Grateful Dead cover band
that's not just, like if I had a Grateful Dead cover band,
it wouldn't be the same
because a lot of Grateful Dead cover bands
are kinda guys who know that Grateful Dead's
kinda trendy now, but they also know who Offset is.
If you wanna see a Grateful Dead cover band
where the members know who Offset is
just about as well as Jerry Garcia knows who Offset is,
come see Richard Pictures.
If you want guys who are walking off that stage
and are listening to 2018 pop hits,
then you can look elsewhere, my friend.
Offset's in Migos.
- Okay.
- Do you remember who Migos is?
- I mean, I know them from the top five on this show.
- Right.
Do you know who Quavo is?
- No.
I mean, I know, I've heard the name.
- All right.
- But I've never heard of Offset.
- Did you know that Cardi B was with
one of the guys from Migos?
- No, I did not.
- They're a power couple.
They're on the cover of Rolling Stone together.
Did you know they just--
- Not a magazine I respect.
(laughing)
- Shots fired.
- Shots fired late in the episode.
- This show rules.
- This is kinda old school,
like what stuff does Jake not know?
- Yeah, that's true.
That could be a whole album.
- This is sort of like early TC.
- That could be a whole album
just Jake not knowing (beep)
about modern culture.
You know they just had a baby named Culture Kiari.
- No.
I knew that she was pregnant.
I remember that.
- Okay, so you knew that.
- What's the name of the kid?
- Culture Kiari, I don't know what the last name is.
- Culture is the first name.
- Yeah.
- With a K.
- Yeah, actually.
- That's kind of a cool first name.
Never heard that before.
- It is cool.
I wonder what the nickname is.
- Culch.
- Culch.
- Culch is rough.
- Hey, was it a boy or a girl?
- A girl.
Or I could also imagine if your name's Culture Kiari,
probably at a certain age you might say,
I'd rather be Kiari.
Or it depends who you are.
My parents named me Ezra Michael
because they thought back in 1984,
Ezra seemed like a slightly weird name.
They said maybe I think it was too weird.
And I might wanna be Big Mike.
- Hey Mike.
- Hey Mike.
- You have so much of a Michael essence
that this really makes a lot of sense.
- Also, I wouldn't wanna be Michael.
- No, you wouldn't wanna be Michael.
- Mike.
- I'm not a Mike though.
I might have some Michael energy, but not Mike.
- No, you have Michael energy.
You're not, you shouldn't be named Michael.
- Then this really would sound like a sports show.
You're listening to Mike and Jake on beat.
(laughing)
You're listening to Big Mike and Jake.
- Is Cardi B so charming that when Offset sees her laughing
and smiling about a text from her ex
wanting a second chance, that he would be charmed by it?
- He can't always be charming.
- Yeah, especially when you're known to be charming.
There's a lot of pressure on Cardi B to be charming.
- Truly in like an intense argument
and still being like, well, you're charming.
- She's just like, "To Offset off."
And he's like, "Okay, fine, Cardi."
(laughing)
- She's just riffing.
Anyway, yeah, that one stuck with me.
The one weird one.
I like texts from my exes.
But I guess that's also the Cardi B character
versus the person at home.
- Cardi B.
- I don't see another person going home.
- She doesn't seem like someone who can turn it off.
- She might not have even written the lyric.
There's a lot of people credit on the song.
So maybe somebody pitched it to her.
"Hey, Cardi, how about this?"
And she's like, "Yeah, sure."
But even just culturally, forget about her as an individual.
Like Jake, I also feel like that just sounds stressful.
It'd be one thing if she was like,
"I like texts from my exes when they say
"that we're all good."
(laughing)
- When they're just checking in.
- I like texts from my exes who have now
become dear friends.
- Who wouldn't like that?
Anyway, those are the songs of the summer, everybody.
- Hell of a top five.
- Hell of a top five.
We were zigging and zagging through decades
and that was a true time crisis.
- A lot of inventions conceived of.
- Yeah.
- Six ways till sundown.
- Six ways till Sunday.
- Sunday.
- I wanna get some more phrases on deck
for that specific tense.
- I'm not a phrase person.
I thought the phrase was play it by year
instead of ear, like until last month.
- Oh no.
- That's amazing.
I love that.
- Play it by year?
- Yeah, and actually, you know what?
Yeah, and you know what?
It makes more sense.
Sue me, okay?
It makes more sense.
- Play it, I guess--
- Not really.
- No, it really does.
- I guess play it by year makes more sense?
- Yeah.
- Explain.
- Play it by year, you know?
Like maybe it'll take a year,
but we'll figure it out.
- Okay, I buy that.
- Play it by ear, it still doesn't make sense to me.
I have to sit with it for--
- I mean, play it by ear does not make any sense.
- No, it does not.
- It just means that you're taking in the information
in real time and reacting to it.
- By ear.
- So you're taking it in through your ear, is that?
- Well, yeah, look, you're making a fair point.
When you actually look at it,
it's a little harder to say.
I guess I kind of thought of it,
this is my guess, is that it's kind of like,
we could play it by the printed schedule.
Or you play it by ear, meaning that in real time
we take it in and we react,
and the ear is a sensory organ.
Yeah, why is it play it by ear and not play it by eye?
Seinfeld, let's get a number crunch on this.
- Isn't it like playing the piano,
you're not using the sheet music?
- Oh, yeah, oh my God.
- Wow.
- Yes, that's gotta be it.
- Play it by ear is a good music phrase.
Like when you're playing it by ear in music,
and then for the rest of us.
- Yeah, there you go.
- I could also see your definition,
'cause if somebody was like,
"What are you doing tomorrow?"
You might say, "Well, at 9.15,
"I've got a doctor's appointment,
"and then at 10.30,
"I was gonna get a coffee with my friend,
"and then I had to go do a few hours
"at Quiznos in the afternoon,
"and then whatever."
You might have a sense of it.
Somebody said, "Well, what are you doing next year?"
And you say, "I don't know,
"I'm gonna play it by ear, man.
"You're asking me on a year time frame.
"I'm gonna respond in a vague way.
"Gonna play it by ear."
- It sounds so similar, though,
that no one ever corrected me.
- So as recently as a month ago,
you were talking to people like,
"Oh, totally, we'll play it by ear.
"Yes, let's play it by ear.
"Okay, great."
- It just reminds me that I'm still young.
You know, I'm learning.
- You're older than Post Malone, so.
- Don't tell me that.
- I'm playing it by ear.
Anyway, signing off for Time Crisis,
Ezra Jake, special guest Kazzy David,
and our number cruncher extraordinaire,
Seinfeld 2000.
Peace.
- Time Crisis with Ezra King.
♪ Be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be ♪
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