Episode 86: The Grammys
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Transcript
Time Crisis, back again. It's a very busy February. We're going to be talking about
the Super Bowl, which was last week, and we'll be talking about the Grammys, which is today.
We'll also be answering some fan emails, plus counting down the greatest hits of 2019 and
1959, the year the music died. Welcome to a very special Time Crisis with Ezra Kain.
B-B-B-B-Beast 1!
They passed me by, all of those great romances.
They were a brand to all, they leaped on my rightful chances.
My picture clear, everything seemed so easy.
And so I tell to the globe, one of us had to go.
Now it's different, I want you to know.
One of us is crying, one of us is lying.
He's the lonely man.
Time Crisis back again.
What's up, Jake?
Hey.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
You recently turned...
42.
42.
That's a big year.
Firmly middle-aged.
I enjoyed your birthday party last week.
Yeah, it was fun.
Low-key.
A group dinner at Columbo's.
Old-school Italian restaurant.
Yeah.
Live music.
One cool thing was their live music.
That's like some real, just like funky LA vibe.
These places that have like, they're usually in their 70s.
Maybe late 60s, early 70s, have been playing forever.
And this crew just knows every song.
Yeah.
They were playing like, Fly Me to the Moon,
and kind of jazz standards.
And at a certain point, they called out for requests.
And everybody at the table said, you know any Eagles?
Because it's Jake's birthday, and Jake's a massive Eagle fan.
That was actually really touching,
that like multiple people at the table
instantaneously thought of requesting Eagles songs.
That's right.
And this is like a little loungy jazz combo.
Upright bass, drums, and piano/keyboards.
Just three.
At that point, mostly the keyboardists had been singing.
And the drummer then makes a joke.
I guess somebody said, you guys know Desperado?
This must be like an old joke of his.
He went, "Avocado, why do you think you're so holy?
You're just guacamole."
I was like, where does that come from?
But then they went into a pretty solid rendition
of Hotel California.
And the drummer sang, which is very--
maybe you just like listen to the Eagles tune.
Don sang it.
I'm going to sing this one.
He had the lyrics on lock too.
Oh, yeah.
No reference sheet, no iPhone.
He just had the entire song memorized.
He was a great drummer.
He was really nuanced.
He knew every little detail in that song.
And in a little room like that, the drums
are really on display because it's kind of quiet.
So you hear every-- it's not like big, boomy drums
in like an arena or something.
[DRUMMING]
Yeah.
On a dark desk highway.
It was a slightly abridged version.
Yeah.
They only did one chorus.
Maybe they skipped a verse by accident.
But I was into it.
But it was pretty tight.
They actually held down the solo section.
The keyboardist on his kind of like weird synth sound.
[HUMMING]
Like on a Casio sound.
One funny thing about that song, I was thinking about it later.
Like, I don't think guacamole is like a step down from avocado.
No, I know.
It's avocado plus.
It doesn't really make sense.
Right.
Because guacamole is one of the more rarefied dips.
And then obviously, everybody knows that guacamole
is made from avocados.
I mean, yeah.
Guac is always the highlight.
Now you got avocado toast.
That's true.
But for decades, the whole reason people got into avocados
was because they like guacamole.
Yeah.
It's true.
Yeah, I mean, I could--
It's a fun rhyme, but it doesn't really
bear under the scrutiny of Ezra Koenig's logic
that he demands from lyrics.
I actually mentioned it to the drummer after dinner.
[MUSIC - EZRA KOENIG, "DESPERADO"]
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You've been out riding fences for so long now.
Oh, you're a hard one, but I know that you got your reasons.
These things that are pleasing you can hurt you somehow.
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy.
She'll beat you if she's able.
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet.
Now it seems to me some fine things
have been laid upon your day.
But you only want the ones you can't get.
Desperado.
So anyway, Jake, you know this song?
Oh, hell yeah.
It's a great song.
(SINGING) There is freedom.
Is this Tears for Fears?
No, Crowded House.
Crowded House.
There is freedom within.
There is freedom without.
Try to catch the deluge in a--
I would say one of the best songs of the '80s,
one of the best hit songs.
I'm not going to fight you on that.
(SINGING) There's a battle ahead.
Many battles are lost.
But you'll never see the end of the road
while you're traveling with me.
Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over.
Hey now, hey now, when the world comes in,
let it come, let it come.
You can build a wall between us.
You know that they won't win.
So the song's called "Don't Dream It's Over."
And I swore forever until very recently.
I always thought that the meaning of the song,
especially because it's such a sad song,
it's a melancholic song, I always
thought the way you were supposed to interpret it
was basically don't dream, period.
It's over.
Like idealism is over?
Like in a John Lennon sort of way?
(SINGING) Don't dream it's over.
No?
Well, yeah, I realized that I was wrong.
I found out I was wrong.
But yeah, because it's a weird way to say it.
But he's saying, don't dream that it's over.
Wow.
OK, so this is about a personal relationship, this song.
But the lyrics are so grandiose and broad.
He's talking about society and stuff.
(SINGING) There is freedom within.
And then the next, (SINGING) in the paper today,
tales of war and of waste.
But you turn right over to the TV page.
When is this song from?
1986?
I figured it was kind of mid '80s, and it was like--
Like Thatcher, Reagan.
Yeah, and it's like brutal, just like cable television.
It's like weird Repo Man vibes, just
like the fabric of society being ripped apart, global capital.
Yeah, because some of the verse lyrics are kind of sad.
So I always thought he was saying, like, guys, it's 1986.
Like, here we are.
Wake up.
Wake up.
The dream is over, essentially.
But yeah, I guess he's saying that the world is really harsh,
but you'll never see the end of the road
when you're traveling with me.
So don't dream that it's over.
Like, he's saying we have a future.
It's a plaintive song to a romantic partner.
I guess so.
Well, then there's this whole vibe, don't let them win.
(SINGING) --in the room.
My possessions are causing my suspicion, but there's no proof.
My possessions are causing me suspicion.
There's maybe like an anti-consumerist message.
(SINGING) In the paper today, tales of war and of waste.
But you turn right over to the TV play.
Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over.
Hey now, hey now, when the world goes to bed,
they come, they come to build a wall between us.
We know they won't win.
They come to the war between us?
No, they come to build a wall between us.
To build a wall between--
Maybe it's like that classic convention, which I love too.
There's like a poem we had to read in high school,
a John Donne poem, you know, like an old English poet.
Yeah.
The whole thing is about being in bed and basically saying,
like, oh, leave us alone, son.
Like, don't let the sun come in.
Don't let the world come mess up our little vibe that we have here.
So maybe it's that.
Maybe he's saying it's 1986, the modern world sucks,
but I've got your back, we're together,
and I know that when the world comes in,
cable TV, Thatcher, whatever, Reagan,
it seems like it's all over.
See, that's the thing.
That's what always confused me, is he's saying to you,
don't dream that it's over.
It's great songwriting, but I just always thought,
don't dream, period, it's over.
So cynical.
You know, I'd be like 14 and just like,
it would come up like, VH1's best songs of the '80s,
and this one would always jump out at me because I'm like,
that's amazing that there was just like this brutally pessimistic.
Yet gorgeous song.
Because especially you think of the '80s as being kind of like,
I mean, obviously there's like indie stuff,
but you think of it as being very 1986 pop, happy, fun, whatever.
So I was always just like, damn, don't dream, it's over.
Like, it doesn't get more harsh than that.
I wonder if he's referencing Lennon there.
Yeah, what does Lennon say?
Does he say the dream is over?
Yeah, the last song on the plastic Ono band.
I don't believe in Beatles.
The dream is over.
Maybe.
I wonder what Neil Finn thinks now, playing that song in 2019.
Maybe now he wants to stay at the period.
He's just like, wow, I nailed it back then.
Don't dream, it's over.
I wonder what Morrissey thought of that song in '86 when it came out.
Yeah, or even just like Smith's fans.
Right.
Because--
It's not that far from it.
No, I mean, Morrissey should have been thrilled if he wrote that song.
Yeah.
Well, I guess the Smiths were commercially--
I think in the US, they were slightly more of a cult--
a very successful cult band.
UK, very commercially successful.
Top 10 hits.
But yeah, maybe in the US, he's like, man, I've been giving you guys gold for eight years.
Or actually, man, I don't know, a few years.
Yeah, yeah.
And these guys just come in with a top five hit.
We've never even been in the top 40 in the US.
Right.
He might have felt like that.
I was just having conversations about somebody.
There's kind of like these cult types of music, whether it's like '80s indie or '90s alternative
or whatever.
And there's the OGs who lay the groundwork are great songwriters, but they just don't
quite write hits.
But who cares?
Because their body of work is as strong as any hit.
And then you have these other people who can't quite produce the same body of work as the
OGs, but they can somehow synthesize it onto like one perfect song.
Yeah.
And in a way, I admire both of them.
Then you have this third category of people who kind of can't do either and just kind
of like coast in between.
And they're neither creating great bodies of work, nor are they synthesizing the elements
into one song.
And they're just kind of like a round that are just kind of riding the wave correctly
and just kind of...
Are you talking about this year's Super Bowl performer?
Oh, well, I've got a lot of issues with that.
But one thing you've got to say about Maroon 5 is they write hit songs.
They are technically hits.
Right.
They're not good songs, but they are technically hits.
Yeah, I was thinking about that.
Like Maroon 5, I mean, they have a couple early songs that I like.
This Love.
That one.
Yeah.
And then...
That's my favorite one.
They're like fake Stevie Wonder song.
Sunday morning, na na na na.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the later ones, I could get wrap my head around a couple of them.
You can wrap your head around it, but it's like, okay.
I wonder if in like 20 years, I'll look back and be like, oh, those are all great songs.
Or if like the kids will be like...
I don't think so, man.
I mean, a song like Moves Like Jagger, I wonder if I could ever wholeheartedly like that song.
Other Maroon 5 songs, definitely.
But the other song that I was thinking about that's kind of like a band that wasn't really
considered like a pillar of an era or a genre, but kind of made that one song
that takes all those elements and creates a hit is this one.
This is kind of from your favorite era, Jake.
Hanging around downtown by myself and I had so much time to spend.
Not immediately recognizing it.
I know the song, but I can't place it.
Is it like 1997?
Yeah, there were a lot of bands like this that were like quickly riding the coattails
of good Indian alternative.
Pavement.
This does kind of have a pavement vibe.
Disco superfly.
I smell sex in candy hair.
Who's that lounging in my chair?
Is this Marcy Playground?
Oh, yes.
Yeah, I wouldn't.
Who's the band that does Do You Wanna Die?
Oh, is that like Toadies?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, mama, this surely is a dream.
By '97, I was out on the kind of commercial alt radio.
Hanging around downtown by myself and I've had too much.
The ultimate version of this is closing time.
Oh, yeah, it's even one step beyond.
It's like--
Semi-sonic.
--truly all of the interesting elements of the bands that preceded them
the previous 10 years are sanded off.
It's harder to do these days.
I think now everything kind of coexists.
Right, exactly.
So it's not always--
Finish your whiskey or beer.
Just like very literal.
Yeah, I feel like--
Not interesting.
--in the '90s, things just happened slightly more slowly.
So you could listen to--
I guess this came out maybe right before--
--like you can totally hear how this song in another person's hands
kind of becomes sex and candy.
Touch, touch, touch, touch, a redder shade of neck
on a whiter shade of trash.
And this emery board is giving me a rash.
I think this is the second time that this song's
been played on Time Crisis.
I think you're right.
You're so beautiful to look at when you cry.
Freeze.
Don't move.
You've been chosen as an--
Extra in the--
Movie adaptation of the sequel to your life.
Hanging around downtown--
But this has more Nirvana in it, too.
It has a little bit of both.
Like kind of like that baritone Kurt Cobain voice that he would do?
Yeah, no, the verses.
But I think the thing you've got to give up for this song--
Like Kenny Royalty?
Yeah, totally.
But the way they go into the chorus--
Yeah, this part.
Yeah.
The drums drop out.
It's just very well crafted.
Yeah.
Who's that lounging?
I thought maybe this was Everlast.
What's that Everlast song?
Oh, no, that's very different.
Is it?
Everlast is maybe then you might know what it's like.
Not that far off.
I think this just has like a slightly more indie vibe.
Yeah.
You know, I always like Pavement,
but the only album I really know well is Slanted and Enchanted.
Oh, the first one, wow.
Like I never went deep on Wowie Zowie.
Actually, I know the last one pretty well, too.
Oh, Terror Twilight?
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean the beat on this one is--
This song's more hip-hop.
Totally different, yeah.
But I just thought, yeah, like you think about Morrissey hearing
"Hey, now, like don't dream it's over."
Did he like half want to give it up for it because it's just a well-written song
or it's part of him just like, "Whatever, it's not as deep as a Smiths song."
Or you think like Stephen Malcomus hearing "Sex and Candy."
I feel like he would have had something snarky to say about it.
Oh, I guarantee it.
Yeah, there's no way that Stephen Malcomus in a late '90s interview would be like,
"What do you think of Morrissey Playground?"
And just be like, "You know, it's cool.
I see a little bit of connection between our bands,
but their song craft is kind of at a higher level than ours
when you think about it.
But, you know, I think I've got other things going for me.
I think I have room for both in this world.
I'm a much more lyrical guitar player.
Yeah.
♪ And you really wonder what it's like ♪
♪ What it's like ♪
♪ And you really wonder what it's like ♪
Time Crisis on Beat 1.
I follow Malcomus on Twitter.
Oh, yeah?
Caught his breakdown of the Super Bowl halftime.
Oh, really? Was he going off?
Not really. The only thing I remember was him just saying like,
"Didn't expect Maroon to go so RHCP on it."
[laughter]
That's fair.
"Shirtless" was a strong call.
That the first, like, just a dude ripping his shirt off
mid-Super Bowl set?
That was crazy.
'Cause that's like the most anodyne pop.
Just the most pathetic kind of drivel.
But then he's just, like, fully sleeved out, tatted out,
rips his shirt off.
Obviously compensating for that.
These are the times that we live in.
And, yeah, he definitely got clowned a little bit,
but not to the extent--
He has to know he's gonna get clowned, right? Come on.
I wonder if there are any just, like, old rock fans
who watch that.
Oh, yeah.
Actually, I'm sure there were. It's the Super Bowl.
I could picture, like, an old rock fan,
it's like an old dude watching the game
and just being like, "What's happening, man?"
"We had towns and adultery up there."
Yeah.
It used to be super classic rock,
but it's been a minute for that.
Well, I mean, they cycled through all of those people.
That's true. They all did it. Bruce.
Yeah.
So I could see that.
Or is there a type of, like, older dude
who's, like, so starved for just, like,
a rock archetype dude, like a tatted-out badass
that he's, like, after the years of, like,
Pop, Lady Gaga, and Bruno Mars,
they're just, like, some dudes who are like,
"Thank you."
Actually, probably not.
Yeah, 'cause, like, the classic rock dudes
aren't, like, ripped and, like, tatted out.
Yeah.
It's, like, a crazy look.
He's kind of a new archetype.
I didn't even watch the whole halftime show.
I half-heartedly, like, put it on.
Yeah.
I actually forgot that you're supposed to boycott
the Super Bowl, so I, like, had half of that on.
And then, like, about halfway through,
you know what actually triggered it for me?
Is when they started doing that "Girl Like You" song.
'Cause we've talked about on Time Crisis how the lyric...
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Even though I like a lot of things about that song,
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
It is very catchy.
That's when you gotta give it up
for elements of the song craft.
But there's something about the chorus,
when I just saw him going,
♪ Girls like you run 'round with guys like me ♪
♪ To sundown when I come through ♪
♪ I need a girl like you ♪
"Baby Shark" is more meaningful than that chorus.
I hate being negative.
I really do like a lot of things about that song.
But anyway, I was listening to it.
So I'm watching it, and I'm kind of like, "What is this?"
And then that chorus came on.
And Maroon 5 does have some good songs.
I was just like, "That's just the one that I'm just like,
'This is so meaningless.'"
And then I started thinking about us talking about the song,
and then I was like, "Change the channel."
You wanna go Pauzi Kor on Adam Levine?
'Cause I'm ready.
Bring up the YouTube of the Chris Cornell tribute.
Oh, yeah, you were saying that in the group text.
Yeah.
I was doing this with Hannah a few weeks ago.
You know, there was like--one day people were like,
"Oh, yeah, Miley Cyrus killed it at the Chris Cornell thing."
Was this on TV?
No, I think it's just YouTube.
It was at the Forum, though, a huge venue.
Kind of shocking.
And then we kind of clicked over to the Adam Levine
doing "Seasons" off the single soundtrack.
And I was like, "Damn, this actually sounds pretty good."
Bringing it up.
[crowd cheering]
Whoo!
[crowd cheering]
♪ Some nice and humble day ♪
I knew there would be a comment like this on the YouTube.
"Not a fan of Levine in general, but damned if he didn't kick ass here."
That's kind of what I'm bringing to the table.
Man, we haven't gone deep on YouTube comments in a while.
This one is truly insane.
"I've long insisted that only women should cover Cornell
"because they're the only ones who can reach the notes and show the passion."
"I stand corrected."
[laughter]
I wonder if, like, in high school he covered this song
with, like, an early version of Maroon 5, you know?
"Cars, Flowers"?
Yeah. Oh, is that the name of the early version?
Yeah, all, like, the OG LA people I know are always like,
"Oh, yeah, I saw 'Cars, Flowers' a few times."
Like, RL's band played with "Cars, Flowers."
It's rumored that they were kind of like a grunge band.
Is that right?
I never heard them.
"Did Adam Levine say 'Rock is Dead'?"
Because one comment.
"The guy who said 'Rock is Dead' getting in on one of the biggest
"Rockstars tribute show. Hilarious."
"Adam Levine is a great vocal talent.
"I've seen him do some pretty cool covers.
"Too bad he's a douchebag."
No, he knows his [bleep] for sure.
Could you see, like, a Jack White Super Bowl?
Is he just too esoteric?
I mean, obviously there's...
[imitates drumming]
I think the thing about Jack White is he's a very idiosyncratic guy.
Yeah.
Like, his last album had, like, some wild [bleep]
He truly marches to the beat of his own drummer.
So in some ways, White Stripes and Jack White
are a very successful kind of cult left-of-center band.
But that one song is one of the most famous songs of the past 20 years.
Especially in sports arenas.
You could even make the case that that's kind of like
the last true global rock smash.
Maybe "Arctic Monkeys."
[imitates drumming]
But even that's a slightly different category.
And, you know, I say this as a professional rock musician.
I think we can admit that "Seven Nation Army"
is the last true, like, universally important rock song.
And I would make the case also as a professional rock musician,
who cares whether your music is, like, truly universally important?
Of course.
And maybe there's less consensus about anything now,
but that's the last rock song that you could go anywhere in the world, you know?
Yeah.
Isolated village in Bolivia.
[imitates drumming]
Norway. Sydney, Australia.
You can go to all these places,
and there would be somebody familiar with that,
the same way they'd be familiar with a Michael Jackson song
or the Beatles or something.
Yeah.
♪ I'm gonna fight 'em all ♪
♪ I said the Nation Army couldn't hold me back ♪
♪ They're gonna rip it off ♪
♪ Taking their time right behind my back ♪
♪ And I'm talking to myself at night ♪
♪ Because I can't forget ♪
♪ Back and forth through my mind ♪
♪ Behind a cigarette ♪
♪ And the message coming from my eyes ♪
♪ Is leave it alone ♪
It'd be dope--I don't know why I thought of this--
like an Oasis reunion.
At the Super Bowl?
Yeah.
The most British band ever.
I don't know why I thought of that.
How about Oasis sharing the stage with Blur,
bearing the hatchet for that classic Britpop beef,
"America Goes Wild," "The Verve Reunites"?
Oh, man.
Ian McKay finally gets all the guys back together
for the long-awaited Fugazi reunion.
That would be tight.
Has Metallica played the Super Bowl?
Ooh, that's a good call.
Have they?
They would crush it.
Yeah, that'd be sick.
That's just like a no-brainer.
They might have already done it, right?
I don't recall them doing it, but--
Sabbath?
[laughter]
No, Metallica hasn't done it.
It'd be funny if they just went straight up like,
"Metalhead, Slayer, Megadeth, Metallica."
It would be kind of cool if,
rather than focusing on individual stars,
people were like, "Listen,
this is America's most-watched event.
Every halftime show should be a tribute
to not just one superstar artist, but like--
I feel like this is what they would do
in a smaller European country.
Like the Ministry of Culture says
that every Super Bowl halftime show
has to be a tribute to a genre or movement
in American music.
So, yeah, it would be like--
it can't just be Metallica.
So next year, it's like Speed Metal.
Yeah, it's like Speed Metal.
And they'd have to bring out like some forgotten
smaller band that never made it.
Right.
American contributions to global culture.
Wait, what's this?
Super Bowl 2001.
The Kings of Rock and Pop.
What does that mean?
All over the place.
Aerosmith, NSYNC, Britney Spears,
Mary J. Blige, and Nelly.
Wait, wait, that was--
That's a true grab bag.
That's what they called the 2001 Super Bowl half show?
The Kings of Rock and Pop.
The Kings of Rock and Pop?
Tapestry of Nations 2000
at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta.
Phil Collins, Christina Aguilera,
Enrique Iglesias, Tony Braxton,
an 80-person choir,
and Edward James Olmos as a narrator.
Whoa.
Okay, so I guess back in the day,
the Super Bowl used to be this kind of thematic theme,
even if they're kind of weak themes.
♪ How can I just let you walk away ♪
♪ Just let you leave without a trace ♪
♪ When I stand here taking every breath with you ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ You're the only one who really knew me at all ♪
♪ How can you just walk away from me ♪
♪ When all I can do is watch you leave ♪
♪ 'Cause we shared the laughter and the pain ♪
♪ And even shared the tears ♪
♪ You're the only one who really knew me at all ♪
♪ So take a look at me now ♪
♪ There's just an empty space ♪
♪ And there's nothing left here to remind me ♪
♪ Just the memory of your face ♪
♪ Oh, take a look at me now ♪
♪ There's just an empty space ♪
♪ And you coming back to me is against the odds ♪
♪ And that's what I've got to face ♪
Well, anyway, the Super Bowl's in the past,
although maybe we should briefly talk about
some of the commercials.
I didn't catch a lot of them live.
Also, this year kind of seems like
they let the cat out of the bag before the Super Bowl.
Yeah.
They put some commercials online.
I mean, I saw the Lebowski one with Carrie Bradshaw,
and I thought that was maybe like the prelude
into like a longer, more epic version
that would air the day of the Super Bowl.
Oh, but then they just aired it again.
The same one.
So for people who don't know,
that was a major Super Bowl commercial.
It was for Stella Artois, the Belgian beer company.
And in it, Carrie Bradshaw walks into--
or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I thought she was playing the Carrie character, right?
I don't think-- I think they called her Ms. Parker,
probably so that they wouldn't have to pay HBO.
Oh, okay.
She walks into a restaurant,
and everybody's ready to serve her Cosmopolitan,
because on the show Sex and the City,
she was known to drink Cosmopolitans.
And then everybody freaks out, 'cause she says,
"You know what? I want a Stella Artois."
And so it's going crazy.
And then the kind of stinger of the commercial
is that another iconic person walks in.
This time, Jeff Bridges,
dressed as Jeff Lebowski.
Was that this character's name? Jeff Lebowski?
Also, I wonder again if they had to clear that,
or if he can just dress him up and--
There was a re-recorded version of "The Man in Me."
Did not use the Dylan version.
Didn't even-- Dylan wouldn't sign off?
And then Jeff-- or, yeah,
the dude comes in with, like,
very clean and, like, styled hair.
Very out of character.
Goes to sit at the bar,
and they say, "A white Russian, Mr. Bridges, probably?"
Right.
And he said, "Actually, I'll have a Stella Artois."
And then he and Sarah Jessica Parker have a moment.
Although, you know, it's funny.
Bob Dylan did approve--
I don't know if he actually-- if he even owns it,
but there was an actual Bob Dylan recording
in a Super Bowl commercial.
It was "Blown in the Wind," and it was for Bud.
This year?
Yeah, it was this year.
It was because, I guess, Budweiser
makes their beer out of wind now.
That's very Anheuser-Busch.
I think it was, like,
vaguely tied into some water conservation effort
that Jeff Bridges is involved in.
Oh, Jeff Bridges?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry, the Stella ad.
Oh, okay.
You know, just, like, at the end,
they tack on some, like, hashtag,
and Jeff Bridges being like, "Water conservation."
Yeah.
"Well, listen, man, I'll do the commercial,
but, you know, we gotta give back."
Oh, no, there was a teaser,
like, a few weeks before the Super Bowl,
and there was just an image of Jeff Bridges
wearing the dude's sweater,
and it said, like, "More to come, like, February 3rd."
And people were like, "Oh, man."
Lebowski sequel.
"Is there gonna be a trailer?"
And then, when I realized it was gonna be a beer ad,
I was actually kind of relieved.
Right.
'Cause I don't want there to be a sequel to Lebowski,
'cause there's no way.
Lightning can't strike twice.
Exactly.
I don't know if anybody could pull it off, though,
Coen brothers.
Oh, for sure.
I think so.
Here's one quick email from Aaron.
Let's go to the time crisis mailbag.
Hey, Crisis Crew.
I've emailed in once before, so I'll save the intro.
Suffice to say, I'm a big fan of the show.
Anyways, the reason I'm writing in is because,
given the recent in-depth analysis
of the Joker Man and Jamflow Man,
I was wondering what the most influential man was
in music history.
Some potential mans.
Piano Man, Rocket Man, Macho Man,
Nowhere Man, Rubber Band Man,
Natural Woman, Secret Agent Man.
Anyways, keep up the good work, Aaron in New York.
I mean, Joker Man and Jamflow Man are still the top two.
Man in me.
There you go.
I like Nowhere Man.
Nowhere Man's an interesting concept.
I think there's something about Joker Man and Jamflow Man
that, well, the Jamflow Man's the best
because he's the Jamflow Man.
He's not a Jamflow Man.
He's the Jamflow Man.
Also, some music history today.
For people who don't know, this was like a major event.
It's a tragedy.
Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and J.P. "The Big Bopper" Richardson
were killed in a plane crash near Clear Lake, Iowa,
along with pilot Roger Peterson, February 3rd, 1959.
18 years to the day before the day I was born.
See, that's crazy.
Every birthday, I'm like, "Oh, yep, February 3rd."
The event later became known as the day the music died
after Don McLean referred to it as such in his song "American Pie."
So it's crazy, just three of the biggest stars touring together.
Rock was young.
Just imagine that, like three--
I don't even want to throw out names.
Yeah.
But just imagine that.
It's wild.
Yeah, it's wild.
So that was this big traumatic event.
And the crazy thing also is to imagine that
you were born 18 years after 1959.
I know. Isn't that weird?
Does that trip you out?
Yeah.
And then, like, punk rock started--
or sort of is like--
that's the year that it's like in history books is starting.
'77.
Yeah.
Only 18 years after that.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's real weird.
Every birthday, I'm like, "Wow, '59, only 18 years prior."
Right, there was somebody who was born on the day the music died,
and they were like a college freshman when you were born.
Yeah, wow.
Throw in that Buddy Holly song "Heartbeat."
I was listening to some Buddy the other day,
and I kind of thought of "Vampire Weekend" a little bit.
Oh, really?
Do you love that one?
I love Buddy Holly.
I know a lot of the classics, if you knew Peggy Sue.
Sure.
"Every Day It's Getting Closer."
Like early vampire.
Oh, totally.
And like the muted.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was reading a little bit about Buddy today, actually.
Kind of a punk because he recorded in Nashville.
He didn't like how pro it was,
and then went to this studio in New Mexico, in Clovis, New Mexico,
which is just over the border from Texas.
And he's from Texas.
He's from Lubbock.
And then that's where he made all these definitive recordings,
at this little studio in New Mexico.
He knew that his sound was more raw and minimalist.
Buddy Holly rules.
All these songs are two minutes.
He's got so many good songs.
Yeah, it's really a bummer.
It's amazing to think about if he had kept making music through the '60s,
and his weird and out of touch psychedelic records,
he would have been making in '68.
Or he would have gone straight Brian Wilson on it
and made some genius, highly orchestrated psychedelic records.
Or he might have gone Christian, all this Christian country from 1968 on.
Right, right.
Yeah, the production's crazy on it, even just the beginning.
That hard cutoff of the reverb that he did.
I always found that when you actually go back and listen to this stuff,
even though I love it, it makes a lot of cool first wave punk seem so unoriginal.
Because you realize the idea to strip everything away,
no orchestra, no horns, just a few elements, and dun, dun, dun.
I guess it's just not quite downstrokes yet.
Yeah, and the guitar tone isn't as thick.
But yeah, it's like, oh yeah, they went back to these records 18 years earlier.
Yeah, they just had a normal nostalgia cycle, and they're just like,
"Oh, let's just do a slightly more modern version of that with funnier lyrics."
Yeah.
This song's the hand claps?
Speaking of "Pavement," this was the first song on "Crooked Rain."
It's a very similar melody.
Yeah? You think they're referencing it?
I mean, I always thought they clearly were.
The hits don't stop, man.
"Not Fade Away" is "Grateful Dead's" favorite.
Richard Pitcher's done "Grateful Dead, Not Fade Away."
Oh, yeah. We've done "Not Fade Away" into "Going Down the Road and Feeling Bad,"
which is a classic combo.
So many of those.
Just bass drum and vocals.
Yeah.
It's funny to think about the Dead covering this.
I wonder if it was seen as sort of like a hipster, ironic move
for these long-hair, druggy hippies to be like,
"We're going to cover this square Buddy Holly character."
Or was he always hip?
He must have always been kind of cool.
Although maybe the fact that they would play this song for 15 minutes
made people just like, "That's hilarious."
I think so.
Buddy Holly, not just a singer and a songwriter, a visionary producer.
Just the drums a little sloppy.
That song's 2 minutes, 21 seconds.
Longer for Buddy.
I think we might have played "Not Fade Away" in Ojai.
We've opened a few shows with it.
It's a good opener, just like, "Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun."
How about one more email?
Let's go to the Time Crisis mailbag.
This is from Cole.
"Confirm or deny Richard Pictures will be opening for Vampire Weekend
on the upcoming tour. Thanks in advance."
Yeah, by now, some of our tour dates are up.
Yeah, I saw them on Instagram.
We announced the tour about a week and a half ago,
and now we finally announced the lineups.
Everybody should go check out the tour dates.
You will find some Richard Pictures.
Not doing a whole tour, but Richard Pictures will be opening
for Vampire Weekend.
I'm amped.
Got to check it out.
The band's amped.
No, it's tight.
I'm very excited about these tour dates.
I mean, some of them are way in the future.
It looks like a fun tour.
A couple legs.
Multiple legs, different openers on each leg.
Next Time Crisis.
These shows are so far in the future, the next Time Crisis,
I'll really go deep on it.
When do the next singles drop?
That should be within a couple weeks.
This month, Feb.
Yeah, the idea is to do it about once a month,
although I did notice a few little DMs and comments
the past week where people were like, "Hey, it's been a week
since Harmony Hall 2021 came out.
Where's the next drop?"
I was like, "Did I say it was going to be every week?"
I did actually go double check, but no, I didn't.
About once a month.
Now I'm excited for the next drop.
It's going to be fun.
And then the next phase with all this stuff is to go perform it a bit.
So there's going to be some fun stuff announced pretty soon.
But yeah, we got the big tour dates up.
That's going to be exciting.
Yes, you can see Richard Pictures with Vampire Weekend,
but obviously not on the whole tour.
It's hard to corral the whole Pictures gang.
Yeah, people have jobs and families,
and we're not a professional band per se.
That's the way it should be.
We're not equipped to drop our lives and tour.
Not yet.
Maybe one day we'll get a full two weeks.
If we planned it, that'd be sick.
We took a vow in summertime
Now we find ourselves in late December
I believe that New Year's Eve
Will be the perfect time for their great surrender
But they don't remember
Anger wants a voice
Voices want to sing
Singers harmonize
'Til they can't hear anything
Thought that I was free
From all that questioning
But every time a problem ends
Another one begins
And the stone walls of Amman
Are all bear witness
Anybody with a wounded mind
Can never forgive the sight
Of wicked snakes inside a place
You thought was dignified
I don't want to live like this
But I don't want to die
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
I don't want to live like this
But I don't want to die
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
You're listening to...
Time Crisis on Beat One
Anyway, today's Grammy day.
I'm pretty checked out on the Grammys.
I'm deeply checked.
Checked out?
No shocker there.
What do you think the album with the most Grammy wins is, Jake?
This is a major comeback album for this artist.
The Soft Bulletin.
Yep, Flaming Lips.
Yep.
Album of the Year '90.
Cleaned up.
Santana Supernatural.
Oh my God, that's the worst.
Whoa!
That's Smooth Like the Ocean, right?
Yeah.
God, brutal.
You don't like that song?
Terrible.
You were just the wrong age when that song came out.
Everybody likes that song now.
It's not good.
Whoa!
Hey!
Hey, calm down.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Man, it's a hot one
Like seven inches from the midday sun
Well, I hear you whispering the words
And melt everyone
But you stay so cold
You like it a little better 20 years later?
Nope.
You like Santana?
Yeah, I like the '60s and '70s stuff.
All right.
Agree to disagree.
For a reason
The step in my corner
And if you said this life ain't good enough
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
Because you're so smooth
Yeah, it's just like the ocean under the moon
It's the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth, yeah
Give me your heart and make it real or else forget about it
I guess also this U2 album won nine Grammys.
"How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb."
Which one is that?
It had this song called "Vertigo" on it.
It came out in 2004.
Weird.
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco
Quatorze?
I remember that.
Fourteen?
Uno, dos, tres, quatorze.
I feel like the last truly great U2 song was "Beautiful Day"
in terms of the hits that really hit.
Before your eyes are wide and grow your soul
It can't be bought, you might be wrong
Hello, hello
Remember this?
Yeah, I do.
The vertigo
I'm not mad at it.
I wish I didn't know
So just give me something
I can say hello
Hello, hello
You know what, I like that part.
I always hear this song and I think I don't like it
'cause I feel like I always hear this song
and I hear the beginning
Hello, hello, I'm in a place called vertigo
and I'm just like, "Ah, this one's not for me."
And then when he goes, "I can see you"
I'm like, "Okay, that is pretty good."
It rocks.
This album won nine Grammys, but over two years.
I don't know how that works.
I guess like single, vertigo won in 2005
and the album won in 2006.
Anyway, those are the most awarded albums in Grammy history.
Hello, hello, I'm in a place called vertigo
So just give me something
I can say hello
Say hello
Say hello
Say hello
Say hello
I'm pretty into these Grammy facts, actually.
Yeah, these Grammy facts are tight.
Most Grammy nominations.
Quincy.
No shocker here, Quincy.
80.
That's insane.
Amazing.
Paul McCartney, not far behind.
78?
Wow, Jay-Z, 77.
Jesus.
Wow, he's gonna probably take the lead eventually.
Yeah.
Are those like albums that they're like involved in the production of?
I don't think Paul, like of Paul McCartney really
producing other people's work.
No, not too much.
That's probably mostly for Beatles and then for solo stuff.
Wild.
Most Grammy nominations without winning.
Morten Lindberg, 26.
Snoop Dogg has been nominated 17 times without winning.
That's just crazy.
Must be so burned out to roll up that many times.
Yeah.
Brian McKnight, also 17 nominations without winning.
Bjork, 15.
Joe Satriani, 15.
That's a cool combo, Bjork and Joe Satriani.
I wonder if they ever met.
Most nominations in one night without winning.
Nine, Paul McCartney, 1966.
That's brutal.
So he must have like maybe written, like the Beatles must have been nominated.
Yeah, maybe he wrote for somebody else.
Yeah, he wrote a few songs that were hits in the '60s too.
♪ Don't let the sun catch you crying ♪
Paul wrote that?
I think so, or I'm thinking of something else.
He wrote...
I might be wrong on that one.
I think he wrote some early Badfinger songs because they were signed to Apple or something.
♪ If you want it ♪
He definitely wrote that.
Oh, the Grammys.
Remember I was going to go and do Grammy coverage?
Wait, where was that?
Was that a joke we had?
Another forgotten time crisis idea.
Well, we also talked about how you should be eligible to vote in the Grammys.
Right, I keep forgetting to register.
Also, I'll say it here, even though I'm embarrassed,
I didn't get to vote in the Grammys this year.
I knew what the final date to vote was, so I had it in my head.
I was registering everything. I paid my stupid dues and all this.
And then, you know, just classic, like procrastinating.
And then I realized, "Oh, today's the last day to vote."
So I was like, "I'm voting."
Say it's mid-afternoon on the last day to vote.
I get to the website, they took this shit down early.
What?
Yeah.
Was it East Coast time? Like you had to vote by 6 p.m. East Coast?
You would think that you should get the whole calendar day in the continental United States.
That's BS.
So I was going through, looking around, and I saw it.
No, they straight up took down the voting mechanism.
I was on the right website, all that stuff.
So I was frustrated for a few minutes, and then, you know, I don't have the time.
Then immediately forgot about it.
Until now.
But also, I know it was kind of my bad for waiting until the last day,
but also, no, actually it's not my bad.
It was the last day.
I really double-checked.
I was like, "Today's the last day. I saw the date."
Maybe they had the results that they wanted.
Yeah.
And they were like, "Let's not roll the dice here. Let's pull this early."
Can't let Ezra come in here just honoring the actually good music.
So anyway, I just want everybody to know that if you don't like the results of the Grammys today,
in a sense, they're kind of void, you know?
It's been a slight miscarriage of justice today.
I hope everybody still has a good time, and, you know, everybody who does win,
I don't want to take away from your special night.
It still is an honor to win a Grammy, but there was a slight miscarriage of justice.
Anyway, I'll still be tuning in to the Grammys.
You know what? Maybe if I go to a Grammys party tonight,
I'll roll up on somebody from the Academy and say, "Hey, listen, rather than void the results this year,"
if I really went hard, they might have to void the results this year, right?
Maybe you should, dude.
I'd rather it turn into a positive thing.
Seems like an awesome use of time.
Just strip it. Wait, who's going to win the album of the year?
This just becomes a huge part of your narrative.
Delaying Vampire Weekend's fourth album by yet another year.
Hesitating litigation against.
Worked tirelessly to strip Bruno Mars of his 2019 Grammy.
First line of your bit, dude.
But again, I'm one voter. I guess that's what the Grammys are saying.
It's like election, dude. It comes down to one vote.
Maybe it actually did.
But I would rather turn to a positive thing.
So if I see anybody from the Recording Academy,
and if it turns out that I'm not crazy and I actually was just like totally on the wrong date,
I'll say, "Listen, guys, you shut down the website a little bit early.
Nobody likes that."
You know, it's like when people, they're going to a store or a shop or a restaurant,
and they say, "I know this place closes at 7, get in there at 6.30, and it's closed."
And then you see everybody in there.
I mean, I get it with a restaurant a little bit more because it's kind of whacked.
You can't roll up to a restaurant at 7 and be like at 6.59 and be like, "Enter the buzzer."
I hate that.
You can't do that.
I don't like going in during the last hour.
Yeah, just let everybody go home.
But that's a restaurant.
I'm just saying like it's weird to like roll up to a store where theoretically you could get it done in 20 minutes.
Yeah.
And it's closed, and that can be kind of unpleasant.
Or maybe we're all just too entitled, and if the store manager feels like [expletive] off a little early, let him.
I guess deep in my heart that is what I believe, even if I've been momentarily annoyed about rolling into a shop.
But anyway, I'll turn it into a positive thing.
I'll say, "You know what?
It would be so expensive and painful if you voided all of this year's results just because you screwed me with the voting.
How about next year, free of charge?"
No, I don't want to hear about any $150.
"Free of charge, you get all my boys voting."
I'm talking Seinfeld, Jake, all the Richard Pictures.
I'll say, "You know what?
I won't make a fuss.
You guys decided that you want to take the website down early.
All right, whatever.
You took the vote down early.
Just next year, let me get 15, 20 of my boys, my people of all genders."
Me plus 15.
I just want to shake things up.
They did that for the Oscars.
You know, after the Oscars.
Extended voting?
No, I don't know about how their website operates.
For all I know, they took it down early, too.
But with the Oscars, after the "Oscars so what?" debacle, people are like, "Well, what are we supposed to do?"
People vote the way they vote.
So why don't we just get more people in the mix?
And they invited more.
They didn't invite just anybody.
They invited younger actors, people in the film industry who maybe never would have had a chance before.
Like my wife.
Oh, she's now a voting member of the Academy?
Indeed.
There you go.
Yep.
I think the music industry should shake things up a little bit, too.
And this could be a first step and say, "Yeah, you know what?
Actually, I want a plus 50.
And you know what?
Everybody that I get to sign up for the Grammys, I think I should get $100 free Postmates, too."
I like that.
But I thought anyone could register to vote in the Grammys if you played on a certain amount of records.
That was the whole joke about me registering.
Well, exactly.
But I think that's a little bit onerous because there's a lot of people who are involved in the music industry.
Like who cares if you played "Cowbell" on six records?
Well, don't slight my efforts.
No, no, no. Sorry. I'm not dissing you.
I'm including myself as somebody who just happened to be on a few records.
But that's like a classic music industry scam that there would always be like some A&R guy at a label who would be like, "Oh, yeah.
He sang backup vocals.
He was part of the choir."
You know, that literally was the thing.
And sometimes it would be an outright lie and sometimes it wouldn't where they might actually be recording like, you know, hand claps on a record.
And be like, "Let's get the whole office down to the studio to record hand claps on the..."
So I'm saying invite people who are part of the music world.
Like for instance, he's not here, but a Seinfeld 2000.
A guy who every two weeks is crunching numbers on a show about music.
There's no way that Seinfeld has been on six commercially recorded albums.
But this is the type of person that could bring a slightly different perspective to the Grammys while still being part of the larger musical community.
That's what I'm saying.
I dig it.
So anyway, what do we have to look forward to tonight?
Why don't we just run through the Record of the Year category real quick.
All right. Let's do it.
So Record of the Year, just so people understand, it's not Song of the Year.
Song of the Year goes to the songwriters.
Record of the Year goes to the artist who made that song.
So they're both about songs. You know what I mean?
So Record of the Year, we got "I Like It," Cardi B.
I support this as Record of the Year.
Sorry, this is the one that goes to the performer.
Yeah, so this is Cardi B, "Bad Money," J Balvin is on it.
Okay.
She also nominated Brandi Carlile, singer-songwriter, country artist.
Wait, is she related to Belinda Carlile?
I think it's spelled slightly differently.
A little bit of that tasteful palette of the 1970s.
Have you heard this?
I checked out some of her records. Somebody told me it was good.
It's cool, but it's real random.
I mean, I think--
I guess everything's random, but like--
I think--
How do you even judge that versus the--
People would be so disappointed compared to these giant hits.
Like, fun.
But it is a very good song.
Man, you got "This is America," "Childish Gambino."
Oh, yeah.
This song is not that tight.
Oh, video, tight.
This part, tight.
And then when the song kicks in, it's like, eh.
I mean, it just doesn't go anywhere. It just starts like, "This is America."
I mean, he says stuff.
I'm just noticing these hardpan vocals for the first time.
I wouldn't be mad if that won.
Drake, "God's Plan"?
This feels way too old.
That's the funny thing about the Grammys.
Did this come out in 2017? No, this came out in 2018, right?
I guess, yeah. But it feels like the oldest of the best.
But it's a little bit too late to be included last year.
Isn't Drake's whole thing that he just doesn't win enough Grammys?
And he's always mad about it?
Is he? I don't know. Okay.
I mean, it's just hilarious that all these songs are competing in a category.
It makes no sense.
Okay. I'd be happy to see Bradley get an "W."
He's been snubbed as a director at the Oscars.
It would be kind of tight to see Bradley Cooper...
Clean up at the Grammys.
Here's another thing. Strike out at the Oscars.
If Shiloh wins at the Oscars, Bradley will not win an Oscar.
Because they give it to the songwriters. Right.
So Mark and all those people win Oscars, but not Bradley.
So this might be his only shot to really be honored for Shiloh.
And I'm into that.
What's the, like, gambling odds favorite for best picture at the Oscars?
Is it "Star is Born"?
Oof. I don't know.
Or is it "Roma"?
It's going to be a close one. Yeah.
It's going to be a close one.
"Down to the Wire."
Another song of your contender, Post Malone, "Rockstar."
This one feels really old.
It feels pretty old.
This one feels like 2017 to me.
It came out in 2017, but it's after the eligibility period.
What? Fiscal year.
Yeah.
I'd be happy to see Postie win.
Also, I guess 21 Savage would win one, and he could deserve a win.
He's being targeted by ICE for his immigration status.
That's not cool.
I heard about that. What was that? Where's he from?
I guess he was born in England, but I don't want to weigh in too much on that,
a lot of the details, but as I understand it,
I guess very few people knew that he was actually born in England.
Uh-huh.
Who cares? His family immigrated.
But then ICE, like, went so far out of their way to turn it into,
as you would expect, to turn into this, like, big thing where they were like,
"His whole persona is an elaborately crafted lie.
He pretends that he's an American guy."
And then I was like, "What? It's not a fake accent he's doing."
And then people were, like, running the numbers on,
"Okay, if he's been illegal since when ICE said,
when would he have moved to the U.S.?"
He would have been, like, 12 or 13.
I think you can move countries when you're a tween
and kind of lose your accent and become pretty at home.
They're talking about him as if he moved to the U.S. when he was, like, 18.
Yeah, and Ted Cruz was born in Canada.
Right.
Mitt Romney was born in Mexico. Who cares?
Well, and also, it's one thing for, like, a governmental organization to be like,
"Technically, he's breaking the law. We have to deal with it somehow."
But they literally put out a press release to say, "This guy's fake.
His whole life is a lie."
And it's like, if he spent his formative years in Atlanta, he's from Atlanta.
Yeah.
I really hope it backfires.
But it almost seems like ICE was trying to be, like,
appeal to people who would normally oppose ICE by being like,
"Hey, guys, I know we're the bad guys.
We're ripping families apart.
We're deporting people for no reason.
But this time, we also caught a rapper being fake, so that's pretty cool."
Like, that's literally--it almost seems like that's how they were trying to frame it.
And I'm sad to say some people bought it
because there are a lot of memes, people being very lighthearted about it.
Uh-huh.
And it's like, come on.
We don't joke about ICE.
Anyway, I'm sure there's more information to come.
Here's another contender.
This one also feels so old to me.
Another contender for Record of the Year.
♪ Take a seat right over there ♪
♪ Sat on the stairs, stay or leave ♪
Oh, my God, this song.
So there's seven nominees?
That's such a random number.
♪ Got so aggressive ♪
♪ I know we've been all getting tensions ♪
♪ So pull me closer ♪
♪ Why don't you pull me close? ♪
♪ Why don't you come on over? ♪
Zedd, Maren, Morris, and Gray.
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Why don't you just meet me in the middle? ♪
I mean, this part's great.
♪ I'm losing my mind just a little ♪
♪ So why don't you just meet me in the middle? ♪
♪ In the middle ♪
Interesting to see this list of Best New Artist nominees.
We're getting Greta Van Fleet up in there.
Okay.
I'm still rooting for Greta Van Fleet.
Best New Artist.
And their Borgesian...
[laughter]
Mimicry of Zeppelin.
Subversive mimicry.
Best New Artist.
Chloe X Haley, Chloe Ann Haley, Luke Combs, Greta Van Fleet,
her, Dua Lipa, Margot Price.
Shout-out Margot Price.
I've seen her in concert. She's cool.
Bebe Rexha, Georgia Smith.
I've heard of three of those.
I mean, look, you know I don't like all the hate on Greta Van Fleet.
I know.
I love their whimsical postmodern sense of humor,
but they cannot win Best New Artist.
That's a bad look.
Bad look for the Grammys or for them?
Bad look for the Grammys.
Yeah.
Like, I get it.
Like, you know, some of us--
Fun rock band.
--as opposed to Adam Levine, don't think rock is dead, man.
But I think--
Remember, rock's played out, dog.
Rock's played out, dog.
Wait, have you actually told that story on Time Crisis?
I think so.
It's worth reminding people.
Well, it was like when I was working in an art gallery doing installation work,
and we were just like on lunch break,
and we were all like crushing burritos from Chipotle.
I don't know what we were--
We were talking about music, talking about rock.
Shooting the [bleep]
And this, like, dude that I work with, a couple years older than me,
just wearing, like, a white tank top.
Just a 47-year-old.
Yeah, just a 47-year-old dude just, like, crushing his burritos.
He's just like, "Rock's played out, dog."
Just totally serious.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
Just kind of shut it down.
I can picture that you were just kind of like,
"You know, man, I keep up with some of the new stuff.
Like, you know, I like the--
I like the war on drugs, man, and, you know, don't count out Bob Pollard.
He's still making some cool stuff.
Rock's played out, dog."
I would respect Adam Levine.
That could be a TC shirt.
Oh, yeah, we should make that.
Rock's played out, dog.
8-minute Cape Cod, and then on the back, rock's played out, dog.
I don't like when people say rock is dead.
It's just so serious.
Like, none of this--this is all music.
God is dead.
Yeah, it's like--
Rock is dead.
It's just so overly dramatic to talk about a genre of music being dead.
Especially when people say something like that,
they're being almost--they're often being dramatic
because they want to prove that they know what's up.
It also seems like some weird kind of, like, capitalist vibe just to be like,
"Glass bottles? Are you kidding?
Glass bottles are over. They're dead.
Welcome to the plastic era."
It's like, "Yo, okay, we get it.
You got some new sh-- that you want to peddle.
Whatever, there's always going to be people liking the old stuff, man.
It's cool."
You like what you like.
But rock is dead is such an overly dramatic phrase
that once anybody says something like that something's dead,
you almost know that it's not quite dead,
just like kind of corn balls are saying that.
But rock's played out, dog.
I respect anybody who says that.
I'm not saying it's dead.
I'm just saying rock's played out.
I'm just saying rock's played out, dog.
# Rock music plays #
# Yeah, the words you know so well
# You're in and out of fashion
# In a Hollywood of hell
# On the curtain walls
# Walk the hallowed halls
# Baby, what's a fairly doll
# Like an outlaw, yeah #
I will say that rock music's been humbled,
and perhaps rock music was arrogant in decades past.
It's had a long run.
It's had a long run.
We're like 60-something years in.
Oh, yeah, it's deep.
Buddy Holly died 60 years ago.
[laughs]
And arguably rock music died 60 years ago.
That's true.
We've just been living in the shadow of Buddy since then, man.
But I don't believe rock is dead.
We are in a fallow period.
Perhaps we're in a fallow period.
But I also think there's got to be some humility.
I think it's a good thing, you know,
when a genre is thought to be dead or at least played out, dog.
There's nothing wrong with being in the played out dog period.
It kind of lets you shake off--
I guess I'm talking as an artist as well--
it lets you shake off some of the pretensions of the arrogant imperial era.
We are post-empire.
We're definitely post-empire.
But I also think that means approaching the music industry with humility.
And I think if Greta Van Fleet are who I believe they are,
who, like us, are still listening to rock in 2019
and just enjoying some of that good old music
and trying to put their own spin on it, which I respect--
they get added points for their post-modern Borgesian mimicry.
But in the post-empire period, rock needs to be humble,
and rock should not be winning best new artist
over some artists who are actually--
whether you like them or not, your Bebe Rex's Dua Lipa's--
they are fundamentally more modern, relevant, new figures of their time.
I would think it would be cool if Greta Van Fleet was like--
if they were on the red carpet, like, "Are you guys excited?
Do you think you got a shot at winning best new artist?"
And they should say, like, "No, man.
We're four crazy cousins from Michigan.
Love Led Zeppelin.
The fact that we're even here is hilarious."
An absolute fluke.
An absolute fluke.
Clearly this award goes to anybody else.
We would love for Dua Lipa to get it. She's Albanian. That's super cool.
For us, we're just dying with laughter, the fact that we're even here.
Our place is back at home in our dad's garage,
learning Zeppelin riffs.
That's what I want to hear from Greta Van Fleet.
But get back to us when we enter our houses of the holy era.
Right, that's fair.
That's when we want to be under serious consideration for Grannies.
Check in with us in a few years.
Maybe we'll figure out some way to take what we're doing now
and make it intersect a little more with modern--
Oh, I guess maybe they're already doing it.
That would be dope, actually, because, like,
every Zeppelin album is so different from the previous one.
So that'd be cool if Greta took that model.
That's true.
And every album was just way different.
I think it could happen.
We're pulling for you, Greta.
I'm definitely pulling for them.
I don't want you to win Best New Artist.
And I don't think--whatever you might think right now,
I'm speaking as your elder.
[laughs]
You know what, man?
I'm trying to think of, like, who's an older artist
who showed vampires some love in the early days.
Crosby, dude.
Crosby showed some slight love.
Chris Martin showed some real love.
That always really touched me.
That's tight.
Coldplay, huge, and he, like, shouted out Vampire Weekend.
I've always been a fan of his, too.
I appreciate it.
Again, that's why you prefer Coldplay to Radiohead.
In some ways.
One thing I'll say, I don't subscribe to the notion
that Coldplay is just a post-Radiohead whatever.
They did their thing.
They're on their own trip.
Now, I'm just trying to think, like, the--
It's like, you know, Greta,
I want to give you guys some advice.
Now, this is something that when Vampire was starting out,
actually Marcy Playground said to me.
Just, like, this fully random alternate history of rock
that's, like, "The '90s were the Marcy Playground era.
"That gave way in the mid-2000s to Vampire,
"who then handed the torch to Greta Van Fleet."
Rock history, man.
That's a head-scratcher.
Post, like, a really earnest YouTube video in my study.
"Greta Van Fleet, today's your first Grammys."
I've been there a couple times myself,
and I want to tell you something that Marcy Playground said to me
when I was about your age.
"Just have a good time."
Just have a good time.
Listen, rock's played out, dawg.
We're not trying to take awards away from the Dua Lipas of the world.
Sure, we get an invite, we'll show up.
Maybe even sneak in some Jack Daniels in a flask
for old time's sake.
But we're just having a good time.
Our place is in the garage, noodling on guitar,
getting high listening to Led Zeppelin.
That's who we are.
That's our tradition.
We're happy to be here,
but we're not here to take awards away from Bebe Rexha or Luke Combs.
All right?
We're humble rock enthusiasts.
Okay, but I'll be interested to see,
because Greta Van Fleet is far and away the band that I know the least about
that I've talked about the most on this show.
So, you know, I'm really hoping that they're kind of, like,
humble, vibey dudes with a Borgesian sense of humor.
It would really break my heart if, like,
the best new artist Grammy, they go off and be like,
"The Grammys don't appreciate real music!"
That would break my heart.
That's not what I want from GVF.
I don't think that's the vibe.
I bet they-- yeah, I mean--
I watched their SNL performance.
Did you see it?
Oh, I watched it live.
Very divisive.
It was cute.
They seemed like they were having a fun time.
They seemed nervous, and they're having a fun time.
I'll say one thing--
It was cute.
And the people I was watching with did not agree,
because some people were roasting them a little bit,
and I said, "Like it or not,
this is one of the best-sounding SNL performances in years."
And a lot of people were like,
"No, I hate the way it sounds."
And I was like, "No, no, you hate the band.
You hate the music.
You hate the singer."
I was just like, "These guys play really well,
and for what they're doing,
it was one of the most well-mixed,
clear performances in a long time."
And SNL's, like, famously hard to nail.
They're so stressful playing SNL,
just 'cause you're in the booth,
and you're like, "Oh, did that sound okay?"
And it's live and whatever.
Yeah.
And you've seen great artists--
Sure.
--have the worst mixes on SNL,
and you're like, "Something got lost in communication."
Maybe this was just straightforward rock and roll.
No laptop on stage, just like--
But even sometimes the straightforward--
Well, yeah, that helps.
But even sometimes the straightforward rock and roll,
it's like, "Whoa, whoa, the drums were so quiet," or whatever.
This was just, like, very--
But the guy didn't have, like, a huge pedal board and, like--
And they just play well.
They didn't need a lot.
Yeah, right.
So anyway, I might be on the losing end of that one,
just like I was in real time.
I would just be like, "Yeah, no, no, I know, you hate the music,"
but it's like, it's a--
Well, it sounds good for what it is,
and that's a tough room, man.
♪ In a little room on the table ♪
♪ Where they look out to the light ♪
♪ And see the people quickly passing by ♪
♪ This is for their own desire ♪
♪ As they spit down to the air ♪
♪ To the power pouring in their veins ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ And the pipes go crazy ♪
♪ All the fires we've been cold ♪
♪ It's the way it's crazy ♪
♪ And we will stand up in the cold ♪
♪ Stand up in the cold ♪
Are you ready to bang out this top five?
Yeah.
It's time for the Top Five on iTunes.
This week on the Top Five,
we're comparing the top five songs on iTunes right now, 2019,
to the top five Billboard hits this week in what year?
1959.
We're going back to the year the music died.
This might be the earliest Top Five we've done.
We got so stuck in the '70s for a while.
Yeah, '70s, '80s.
I know we love the '70s here, but we're starting to mix it up.
I appreciate that.
So the number five song--
So this was like a week after the plane crash that killed Buddy Holly,
Ricky Valance, and the Jib Hopper.
I wonder if that's going to affect the charts.
Yeah, I don't know how it worked back then
if there would have been time for that to impact it.
But number five is by a guy named Bill Parsons,
the All-American Boy.
♪ Gather 'round, cats, and I'll tell you a story ♪
♪ About how to become an All-American boy ♪
♪ Buy your guitar and put it to use ♪
Was Johnny Cash up and running at this point?
Probably, right?
I think he was around.
I think he was.
He played shows with Elvis and stuff in the '50s, so I bet.
♪ Hot licks and all that jazz ♪
This is a cool song, but makes you appreciate
the tasteful minimalism of those Buddy Holly records even more.
Yeah, this is kind of noisy.
A little too wet.
Yeah.
It's hard with reverb.
♪ I'll knock them out like Johnny B. Goode ♪
♪ Hot licks, showing off ♪
♪ Ah, number one ♪
♪ Said I'd practice all day and up into the night ♪
♪ My papa's hair was turning white ♪
♪ 'Cause he didn't like rock and roll ♪
♪ He said, "You can stay, boy, but that's gotta go." ♪
It's funny how with music, it's like as soon as something's big,
like rock and roll, there's already kind of self-aware,
ironic songs about it, like, "I'm rock and roll."
My daddy doesn't like rock and roll.
♪ Said farewell to my poor pa ♪
♪ Split from Memphis where they say ♪
♪ All them swinging cats are having a ball ♪
♪ Swinging cats are having a ball ♪
I wonder how old that guy was, like 21.
Yeah.
Just doing this kind of deadpan ironic.
I guess that's a real tradition of the kind of talky verse.
Yeah.
"Wynonna's got herself a big brown beaver and shows off primus."
Referencing Johnny B. Goode, too.
♪ Johnny B. Goode ♪
The number 5 song back in our era.
It's funny, that song's called "The All-American Boy."
This one's called "Girls Like You."
♪ ♪
Is this--
This is the one I was just talking about.
So this is on the charts 'cause--
♪ Spent 24 hours ♪
'Cause of the Super Bowl, I guess?
Yeah.
This was a while ago.
I like everything about this song except for the nonsense chorus.
I like a certain type of nonsense.
I don't like this type of nonsense.
Finger sounds on the guitar.
♪ ♪
♪ Spent the late nights making things right between us ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Now it's all good, babe ♪
♪ Roll that backwood, babe ♪
Roll that backwood, baby.
♪ ♪
♪ 'Cause girls like you run around with guys like me ♪
♪ 'Til sundown when I come through ♪
♪ I need a girl like you, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Girls like you love falling near me ♪
♪ Do what I want when I come through ♪
♪ I need a girl like you, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I need a girl like you, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I need a girl like you ♪
♪ I spent last night on the last flight to you ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Took a whole day, yeah, trying to get away, yeah, oh ♪
♪ ♪
♪ We spent the daylight trying to make things right between us ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Now it's all good, babe ♪
♪ Roll that backwood, babe ♪
♪ Play me those ♪
♪ ♪
♪ 'Cause girls like you run around with guys like me ♪
♪ 'Til sundown, I need a girl like you ♪
♪ I need a girl like you, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Girls like you love falling near me ♪
♪ Do what I want when I come through ♪
♪ I need a girl like you ♪
The logic is just so circular, I can't get over it.
Why am I supposed to like you again?
Because girls like you, you know, run around with guys like me 'til sundown,
so when I come through, I need a girl like you.
It just is. Just is.
The number four song, back in 1959,
"Smoke Gets in Your Eyes," the real classic.
♪ ♪
♪ They asked me how I knew ♪
♪ My true love was true ♪
♪ Oh, I was blind ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ Some day when sun ♪
♪ And I'll be here by ♪
♪ You must realize ♪
♪ You're catching your eye ♪
♪ So I kept them and I gaily left ♪
♪ To think they could doubt my love ♪
♪ Yet today my love has flown away ♪
♪ I am without my love ♪
♪ So laughing friends deride ♪
- That's real cold blooded. - That's a cool word to use.
- Now laughing friends deride, tears I cannot hide.
You got a little bit too excited about the wrong person,
but you also need some new friends.
- Yeah I mean they shouldn't be piling on.
(laughing)
- Well she left me. - Told you dog.
- Told you you (beep) moron.
(mariachi music)
- He's gotta put on a smile for them.
- Tears of a clown dude. - Yeah.
♪ Lovely flame dies ♪
♪ Smoke gets in your eyes ♪
- So he's always a blind man.
Whether he's in love or heartbroken.
♪ Smoke gets in your eyes ♪
- Damn, hell of a voice.
♪ Smoke gets in your eyes ♪
- Yeah when you realize how the twist and turns
that song makes me like the beginning even more.
♪ They asked me how I knew ♪
- Interesting song.
The counterpart to Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
in our era, 2019, also a very mysterious song.
At least for us.
Ariana Grande, Seven Rings.
Remember, I was trying to understand the whole
controversy. - Remember I was like
debating how much money she dropped
at the Christie's or whatever.
- Oh yeah, we were looking at the prices.
- Or the Tiffany's or whatever.
- And I guess the story keeps going
'cause then she got a Seven Rings tattoo
and it was in Japanese and it turned out
it said small charcoal grill and then--
- Like by accident?
- Yes, you know like somebody's like,
I wanted to say strength in Japanese
but you don't actually read Japanese.
- Google translate screwed up.
It says small charcoal grill?
- Yeah, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes.
- There you go man.
♪ They asked me how I knew ♪
♪ What said my tattoo ♪
- That would take a long time to work out
but there's definitely something there, man.
- That's a rewrite.
- You got a tattoo 'cause you're so in love
and then you found out that the tattoo
said small charcoal grill and then the smoke
gets in your eye, I don't know, something like that.
- Well she got the tattoo 'cause she was
high on her own supply.
- That's right.
- There's something there.
- Yeah, like I thought--
- I thought I was crushing it.
- But maybe-- - I was burning.
- Right, yeah, I thought I was on fire.
- Yeah.
- But I was really a small charcoal grill.
♪ My new song could kill ♪
♪ Like a large charcoal grill ♪
♪ But it's small ♪
All right, check in with us in a couple weeks.
We're gonna bang that one out real quick.
The Seven Rings is stressful.
There's a lot of bad energy around that song.
I don't wanna play it and ruin people's Sundays.
- I feel you.
- No disrespect to Ariana Grande though.
And honestly, there's something pretty cool
about having a tattoo that says small charcoal grill.
- Yeah, it could be a lot worse.
- I mean, I think she's also a petite person.
- It kind of fits, right?
- I think there'd be something cool
about being like, yeah, I'm not 6'5",
but big things come in small packages sometimes.
Imagine if she just turned it around on everybody
when they were like roasting her
and just being like, yeah, guess what dummies?
I know exactly what it says.
I'm fluent in Japanese
and I wanted a tattoo that says small charcoal grill.
You know what, knowing her and like how her career lately
seems to be like everything dovetails back into the music,
like she made a song called Pete Davidson,
everything's about her life.
She's gotten very good at like writing that intersection
of gossip and paparazzi culture and music.
I bet she's gonna have a song called small charcoal grill
in the future.
- With a partnership with Weber.
- Yeah, she--
- Just doing like a Home Depot ad.
- About at the Weber flagship store in Chicago,
there's a restaurant.
- No, we have not talked about this.
- Maybe when we're in Chicago,
we should do a meal at the Weber restaurant.
- I would love to.
- Small charcoal grill.
(imitates grill)
- It'd definitely be a trap song.
- Small charcoal grill, small charcoal grill.
Haters done mad with my small charcoal grill.
(imitates grill)
- Ariana.
And then she'll just buzz out,
small charcoal grill.
- Small charcoal grill.
(imitates grill)
- Looking forward to that one.
In about three months.
- Like three weeks.
Actually, maybe tonight at the Grammys.
Ladies and gentlemen, Bradley Cooper up there.
Ladies and gentlemen, the world premiere of her new song,
small charcoal grill, Ariana Grande,
with special guest Adam Levine.
(imitates grill)
Small charcoal grill.
(imitates grill)
Back to 1959.
I'm loving this 1959, by the way.
It's a great call, Jake.
I mean, another classic from a guy from the greater LA area.
I think he was from the Valley.
Richie Valens, who died.
- Is this O'Donoghue?
- Yeah.
- Oh, I love this song.
- I don't know if his death pushed this into the charts,
or it's the brutal fact that this guy died
when he had a huge hit song on the radio.
I guess they all were pretty huge at the time.
- I think so.
♪ O'Donoghue ♪
♪ O'Donoghue ♪
♪ O'Donoghue ♪
- It's just that haunting Twin Peaks 50s vibe.
- Totally.
♪ I had a girl ♪
♪ Donna was her name ♪
♪ Since she left me ♪
♪ I'd never been the same ♪
♪ 'Cause I love my girl ♪
♪ Donna, where can you be ♪
♪ Where can you be ♪
♪ Small charcoal grill ♪
♪ Now that you're gone ♪
♪ I'm left all alone ♪
- You know what's funny too?
I was reading about the plane crash.
They were flying from Iowa to Fargo.
They had a gig in Fargo the next day.
- Wow.
- So it's like these guys are like huge stars,
but they're playing like really deep,
like tertiary markets.
Like it's just a different world back then.
- But also, maybe it's like that you just had to go deep.
It's like we're hitting the 100 biggest cities in America.
- Right.
- In three months, play a show every night.
- Yeah.
I bet they just played to like maybe a couple hundred people
in whatever little town in Iowa they were in.
I mean, there wasn't like the venue infrastructure,
I don't think, back then.
- Oh yeah, it probably sounded terrible.
- Like in a high school gym.
- Basically.
♪ I'm in love with you ♪
♪ I had a girl ♪
♪ Donna was her name ♪
♪ Since she left me ♪
♪ I've never been the same ♪
♪ 'Cause I love my girl ♪
♪ Donna, where can you be ♪
♪ Where can you be ♪
♪ Oh Donna, oh Donna ♪
♪ Oh Donna, oh Donna ♪
- Back to 2019, Marshmello and Bastille.
This song is massive.
- Yeah.
- Shout out to these guys.
♪ I want you to be happier ♪
♪ I want you to be happier ♪
♪ When the morning comes ♪
- I'm pretty into this part of the song.
- The verses?
- Yeah.
- This is tight.
- I mean, the guy from Bastille is a great voice.
♪ Every argument ♪
♪ Every word we can't take back ♪
♪ 'Cause with all that has happened ♪
♪ I think that we both know the way that this story ends ♪
- I feel like it goes to a really stock drop, but.
- The production is so massive.
- Every song goes to the same.
- The same pre-chorus.
- Yeah.
♪ I wanna raise your spirits ♪
♪ I want to see you smile ♪
♪ Know that means I'll have to leave ♪
♪ Know that means I'll have to leave ♪
♪ Lady, I did, I did think ♪
♪ I want you to be happier ♪
♪ I want you to be happier ♪
♪ When the evening falls ♪
♪ And I'm left there with my thoughts ♪
♪ I'm the image of you being with someone else ♪
♪ Well, it's eating me up inside ♪
♪ But we ran our course ♪
♪ We pretended we're okay ♪
♪ Now if we jump together ♪
♪ At least we can swim far away from the wreck we made ♪
♪ Then only for a minute ♪
♪ I want to change my mind ♪
♪ 'Cause this just don't feel right to me ♪
♪ I wanna raise your spirits ♪
♪ I want to see you smile ♪
♪ Know that means I'll have to leave ♪
- This is like, really?
- Yeah, I agree.
- That's what you guys came up with?
- Yeah, no, the best still part's the best part.
Sorry, Marshmello.
I saw that Marshmello did a set in Fortnite recently.
- Like performed?
I don't even understand what that means.
I'm aware that's a game that you play online.
- Although the concept of people performing in games
is actually at this point like two decades old.
Wait, what was that thing that people used to do
called Second Life?
Do you remember there was this whole thing, Second Life?
It was kind of Sims-y.
Second Life was like an early, massive online game
that you could meet people and stuff.
- I'm vaguely aware of it.
- That's some stuff, definitely like
on an early Vampire Weekend tour,
I downloaded Second Life and was walking around in it
for like two hours, probably like backstage in Brussels,
and that was that.
But anyway, I remember in Second Life
there'd be performances and stuff,
but Fortnite is a very popular game
on my new Nintendo Switch,
which I received for Christmas.
- Nice.
- I tried playing Fortnite during Christmas break
for a while, very difficult.
- Yeah?
- I don't know if that's just one of those things
where I'm just too old for it.
Although I know some people older than me
who are like sick of video games.
So I've also heard the Nintendo Switch
is not the way to play it.
- I was talking to a friend of mine this weekend
who's in the TV movie world,
and I was like, "What are you watching right now?"
He's like, "Nothing, man.
I'm playing Red Dead--"
- Redemption 2.
- And I just go and I hunt and I fish.
'Cause those games are so massive.
- And everybody says that game's next level.
- I just like not deal with whatever you,
like fighting dudes or whatever.
He just goes to these lakes
and just like hunts and fishes for hours.
- It's just like Westworld.
- Yeah, I was just like, "That is (beep) crazy, dude."
- You think you could ever get in?
- No.
- You don't think you get into--
- I don't like games, man.
I don't like board games.
I don't like video games.
- But you like the great outdoors in the American West?
- Yeah, I do.
- So you don't think you could have fun just fishing and--
- No.
- I don't know.
I think you should give it a shot.
- Cool project for 2019.
- One thing about video games--
- I can't get sucked in.
- Do you remember there was like an old Tim and Eric,
God, I can't even remember what it was called,
but the joke was basically that Eric was really excited,
or maybe, you know, I might have the roles reversed.
It's been a long time.
- Uh-huh.
- Eric was very excited to go to Tim's birthday party,
and he can't wait for it.
And Tim's birthday's in three weeks,
and he's like, "I just can't wait.
"I wish I was going to his party now."
And then basically he takes a pill,
probably manufactured by Cinco,
that basically, if you're really excited for something,
you don't want to deal with it,
and every time in between knocks you out.
So he does this thing where he takes this pill
so that he can just lose the next three weeks
so he can go straight to the birthday party.
It was so funny.
It made a big impression on me.
- I can't wait.
- I just can't wait.
And then something happens where, of course,
it's like a dark tale that like,
then he doesn't wake up for years,
or it like eats into his brain or something.
That's the joke, is just like, I just can't,
I can't wait three weeks.
Like, well, now there's something you can do about it.
So I've always thought about that.
And one of the few things that I've found,
you know, like sometimes you're at home
and you always perceive time differently.
And you know, you could,
there's certain things you could do,
watch TV, take a walk, make a phone call,
go on the internet.
There's a lot of ways to waste time.
Video games are the closest thing that I've ever experienced
to that Tim and Eric vibe of just like,
oh man, 45 minutes until the Postmates comes?
That's going to be boring.
Like you could start like reading the New York Times
or even go on Twitter or something.
You're kind of like, you feel that non video games.
If when you're like really addicted to a video game,
which has happened to me since I got the Switch,
it's truly the closest thing I ever had
to being like, almost like taking that pill,
like 45 minutes till the Postmates comes.
- Gone.
- Well, I guess I might as well start playing this.
And really sometimes I feel like I open my eyes
and be like, ding dong.
It's like, great, the Buffalo wings are here.
- Wow, your life, man.
You've gotten addicted to a game in the last month.
- Oh, you know, we had some fun playing stuff.
And, but we had fun playing Mario Party.
I was telling you about that.
We had a good time playing that with Ariel and Daniel.
And I thought maybe I'll get really into Fortnite,
but I was kind of bewildered by it.
And I was like, oh, is it the building?
And when I started playing it,
I like actually plugged it into the TV.
And immediately there was that vibe of just like,
I was on a team and just like a bunch of 12 year olds,
like yelling, like super distorted into their,
dude.
Yeah, seriously.
I forget somebody had like the funniest name.
Like I like shot somebody on our team by accident.
It was like, he killed Broccoli Man.
Like this, that kind of, anyway, so that was a whole,
that was pretty bewildering.
But then they had a thing where you could download
a kind of like emulator where you had 30 OG NES games.
So, you know, we were having fun.
We were playing like Super Mario
and all like the real old school stuff.
And then at some point it came across this game
that I'd never played before.
And it's called Wario's Woods.
People are probably familiar with the character Wario.
He's the Bizarro Mario.
You guys know this game, Wario Woods?
Oh, you know, but it's not like a very famous game, is it?
So basically after the huge success of Tetris,
this is kind of like one of those time crisis moments
like when we go deep into sports knowing nothing about it.
Right, I'm already lost.
Yeah, you're listening to Time Crisis.
This segment is sponsored by GameStop.
We're just counting down the newest games.
So this game, Wario Woods, I guess Tetris,
obviously we all know Tetris,
but that was not Nintendo intellectual property.
So they made a lot of their own puzzle games
like Dr. Mario, for instance.
And there's this other puzzle game called Wario's Woods
where you're toad and you're running around
and you're flipping things and putting them in lines and stuff.
I was like, "Oh, I never played this game before."
And I started playing it.
And the next thing you know, truly like two weeks went by
where I just became obsessed with,
of course I beat the whole game.
And then I just became obsessed with like going back
and seeing how quickly I could beat levels
and trying every different mode there was.
And it's funny, I have one friend,
you know, everything's like network now.
Yeah.
So my only friend is this guy, Buddy.
He's a great musician.
He plays on the record and I know him through RL.
And I guess we'd played Smash Brothers together
once or something.
And then I saw him like a month later and he was like,
and I didn't realize that everybody sees what you're doing.
He's like, "You've been playing a lot of Wario's Woods, man.
That's kind of random."
(laughing)
- That's public, wow.
- I guess it's public to your friends.
And it was like causing problems.
I was definitely got addicted to it.
- Really?
- Yeah, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.
I think it (beep) up my sleep for a couple months
'cause you know-
- Wait, whoa.
- Well, I mean, I'm guessing here.
- Damn, dude.
- I had a lot on my mind too, releasing music and stuff.
- Yeah.
- I also might just be getting to that age
where you don't sleep nine hours anymore or whatever.
- Oh, sure.
- But you know, like everybody famously had Tetris dreams
when they play a lot of Tetris, right?
I was having Wario Woods dreams.
- Wow.
- And I've heard from other people, I won't name them
because I don't know if they want to talk about it.
Maybe I'll see if this person wants to come on the show,
but I was talking to another musician
and they were telling me about getting so addicted
to a Switch game that they got some weird thing
that you can lie backwards in bed and like hold,
I guess you could just do this.
- Whoa.
- And they would just be,
they would play for four or five hours at a time.
I forget what game they got addicted to.
I don't know if it was Zelda or,
what's a big Switch game like Dragon Quest, Fire Lord?
I can't tell.
- That's like Michelangelo working on the Sistine Chapel
on his back.
- Base, yeah, just gaming.
- Yeah, see, I hear these stories
and I'm just like, no thanks, yikes.
- Well, that's the thing.
It's obviously just like the Tim and Eric parable,
it's dangerous because I swear there were times
where I was kind of just like had some time to kill.
- I've never, yeah, I just, when I see the game,
like I never get a sense of like aesthetic or like narrative
or like philosophical or artistic satisfaction
out of video games the way you might from a good TV show,
good movie, a book.
I just never have gotten that.
- Let's get you Red Dead Redemption 2,
see how you feel.
- I mean, I remember being a kid
and this is where we might have,
'cause you didn't have video games when you were a kid either.
- No, I mean, as discussed, Lonnie did.
- Right.
- Lonnie was my video game outlet.
- I feel like your brother got really into Tetris
at a certain point.
Doesn't that sound familiar, Dave being obsessed with Tetris?
- I think he might have when he was a kid, yeah.
- I gotta get Dave into Wario Woods.
By the way, if anybody else is a part
of the Wario's Woods fan community, hit me up.
I'd like to grow this Wario Woods fan community.
Maybe we should also get--
- Maybe just open the floodgates.
- Petition Nintendo to also maybe update it,
maybe create a special version made for Switch.
What are we doing here?
Oh yeah.
- We're at top five, 59, what are we doing?
- Back to 59, The Crests.
- Is this number two on 59?
- Yes, I think we all know this song.
(sad music)
♪ Happy birthday ♪
- Yeah, this 59 top five is just killing.
♪ Baby, oh, I love you so ♪
♪ Sixteen candles ♪
♪ Make a lovely light ♪
♪ But not as bright ♪
♪ As your eyes tonight ♪
- Old rock and roll's really into people turning 16.
- Is this one of these borderline inappropriate songs?
- Depends how--
- Or is it sung by a 17 year old?
- Yeah, they might've been 16 too.
- Yeah, sure.
- I guess this song loomed large
because the movie in the 80s is called "Sixteen Candles."
- Yep.
- And then there's "Sixteen Handles," "Frozen Yogurt Place."
- There's that Ringo Starr one too that he--
They're like, "You're 16, you're beautiful."
- Maybe it's that you're just--
- It's a cover.
- You're just 17.
♪ You're only 16 ♪
♪ Fifteen ♪
♪ But you're my teenage ♪
- Crest were the first racially mixed duo group
consisting of three African American members,
one Puerto Rican and one Italian American.
That's pretty cool.
- Are they from Jersey?
- I don't know.
I'm guessing New York.
I mean, New York is like--
- Yeah.
- Maybe the greater New York area.
- Yeah, yeah.
♪ I'm happy ♪
♪ Sixteen candles ♪
- I remember years ago my aunt, it was her 60th birthday.
My Uncle Ted just keep going.
♪ Sixty candles ♪
- That's pretty good.
- Real Uncle joke.
I thought it was great.
♪ Sixty candles ♪
♪ Sixty candles ♪
♪ Oh, I love you so ♪
♪ Oh, I love you so ♪
♪ You're only 16 ♪
♪ But you're my teenage ♪
♪ I am the prettiest, the loveliest girl ♪
♪ I've ever seen ♪
♪ I've ever seen ♪
♪ Sixteen candles ♪
♪ In my heart will glow ♪
♪ Forever and ever ♪
♪ For I love you so ♪
♪ For I love you so ♪
- Okay.
♪ Eh, eh, eh, eh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Eh, eh, eh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Innocent say I keep her check ♪
♪ She was a bad, bad nevertheless ♪
♪ Calling it quits now, baby, I'm a wreck ♪
♪ Crash at my place, baby, you're a wreck ♪
♪ Needless to say, I'm keeping her check ♪
♪ She was a bad, bad nevertheless ♪
♪ Calling it quits now, baby, I'm a wreck ♪
♪ Crash at my place, baby, you're a wreck ♪
♪ Thinking in a bad way, losing your grip ♪
♪ Screaming at my face, baby, don't trip ♪
♪ Someone took a big L, I don't know how that felt ♪
♪ Looking at you sideways, party on tilt ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Doing things you just can't refuse ♪
♪ She wanna ride me like a cruise ♪
♪ And I'm not trying to lose ♪
♪ Then you're left in the dust ♪
♪ Unless I stuck by ya ♪
♪ You're the sunflower ♪
♪ I think your love would be too much ♪
♪ Or you'd be left in the dust ♪
♪ Unless I stuck by ya ♪
♪ You're the sunflower ♪
♪ You're the sunflower ♪
- This is a good song. - Yeah.
- This is Tom Cruise's approved.
- Yeah.
It's hanging in. - We get the idea.
- Yeah, yeah, we've hit that.
- The number one song, 1959, Lloyd Price, "Stagger Lee."
The song "Stagger Lee" comes up a lot
'cause "Stagger Lee" is like a folk song.
'Cause there's like a Jerry version of "Stagger Lee."
- Right, there is.
Is that the Jerry Garcia, David Grissom stuff or?
- I think he played it with Jerry Garcia band.
I think in the dead too.
There might be some live "Stagger Lees."
And then there's like a Clash song, "Stagger Lee."
So basically, "Stagger Lee" is a popular American folk song
about the murder of Billy Lyons by Stagg Lee Shelton
in St. Louis, Missouri on Christmas, 1895.
So I guess there's just like a million versions
of this story of "Stagger Lee."
What's so special about it?
♪ The night was clear ♪
♪ And the moon was yellow ♪
- Number one hit.
♪ And the leaves came tumbling down ♪
♪ I was standing on the corner ♪
♪ When I heard my brother bark ♪
♪ He was barking at the two men ♪
♪ Who were gambling in the dark ♪
♪ It was Stagger Lee and Billy ♪
♪ Two men who were gambling ♪
♪ Stagger Lee threw seven billies for that ♪
- Gambling this beautiful.
♪ Stagger Lee told Billy ♪
♪ I didn't like you, you're going fast ♪
♪ You were one of my money and my brand new ♪
♪ Stocks and hats ♪
- Oh, that's "Stats and Hats."
- "Stats and Hats."
- This is set in 1895.
- I guess. - Is this version.
♪ And all I got is 44 ♪
♪ Said I'm going to tomorrow just to pay that ♪
♪ That I owe ♪
♪ Go Stagger Lee ♪
- It's kind of funny, it's a song about like a
gambling dispute in like, essentially the old west.
- Yes, yes, I guess.
- There are really more stats than hat.
- Right.
- But it's like in this contemporary like.
- What's the other?
- Doo-wop R&B.
- Is the dead version just like a cover of that one?
♪ Black teeth, purple hair ♪
- Yeah, it's a different song, but it's the same story.
Wait, what did you say?
1940s?
♪ Stagger Lee met Billy DeVos ♪
♪ And he beat the poor boy dead ♪
- What year is this Jerry?
Late?
- That was '90.
- Oh yeah.
♪ What do you think of that ♪
♪ Billy DeVos threw the lucky dice ♪
- You want to taste this late '70s version?
Here's '78, live at Winterland.
- Please.
♪ Nineteen balling ecstasy with the home of a town ♪
♪ Stagger Lee met Billy DeVos ♪
♪ And he blew that poor boy dead ♪
♪ Do you know what he's shining for ♪
♪ What do you think of that ♪
♪ Billy DeVos threw the lucky dice ♪
♪ One stagger Lee steps on head ♪
- So did Jerry write this song straight up?
- Or it's like a rewrite?
- It sounds like his songwriting,
with the chord changes, sound like very Jerry.
Yeah, it's a Garcia Hunter song.
Wonder what this was on.
Was this on a record?
- Oh yeah, it's on Shakedown Street.
- Okay.
♪ Nineteen balling ecstasy with the home of a town ♪
♪ Stagger Lee met Billy DeVos ♪
♪ And he blew that poor boy dead ♪
♪ Do you know what he's shining for ♪
♪ What do you think of that ♪
- What's so interesting about this particular murder
that so many people wanted to write about?
- I don't know, it sounds like a gambling dispute.
Does something happen in the,
like there must be some twist somewhere.
- Yeah, well let's just go back to it.
♪ 1940 X Miss Eve ♪
- It's a good start to a song though.
♪ You arrest the girls for turning chicks ♪
♪ But you're scared of Stagger Lee ♪
- Hold on, so in the Lloyd Pricers,
the night was clear and the moon was yellow
and the leaves came tumbling down.
I blah, blah, blah.
They had a gambling dispute.
Stagger Lee told Billy, I can't let you go with that.
You took all my money and my brand new Stetson hat.
Stagger Lee went home, got his 44,
said I'm going to the bar room
just to pay that debt I owe.
Stagger Lee went to the bar room,
he stood across the bar room door,
he said nobody move and he pulled his 44.
Stagger Lee cried, Billy, oh please don't take my life.
I've got three little children and a very sickly wife.
Stagger Lee shot Billy, oh he shot that poor boy so bad
till the bullet came through Billy
and it broke the bartender's glass.
Jeez.
♪ The night was clear ♪
♪ And the moon was yellow ♪
♪ And the leaves came tumbling down ♪
I'm seeing here that Huey Lewis did a version in '94.
Really?
♪ On the corner ♪
♪ When I heard my mother call ♪
♪ It was sparkling ♪
The vibe of this song, very inappropriate.
Yeah, for a fairly straightforward murder.
♪ It was staggering and billing ♪
♪ Two men who blew the cap away ♪
♪ Stagger Lee threw seven bullets ♪
♪ For that heat away ♪
♪ Stagger Lee, Stagger Lee ♪
♪ Oh Billy ♪
Are they saying go Stagger Lee?
Are they egging him on?
There's not even something cool about,
like it's not like he murdered him for a good reason.
He just, he's a sore loser and he--
I feel like there's gonna be a twist here.
No, there's no twist.
Why is this a story that resonates?
Go Stagger Lee, go Stagger Lee.
There's no metaphorical resonance here or anything.
It's just a--
Yeah, I'm really--
You guys got in an argument and shot someone.
A guy was a sore loser and he widowed a sick woman
and orphaned some children.
Yeah, and it's like the part where normally
you would expect like some like witty little lesson.
It just says, and the way he shot him,
the bullet went clean through as it killed him.
And actually it's funny, it hit the bartender's glass.
Talk about Westworld.
Yeah, it's like, okay.
The stack--
Cool story, bro.
Yeah, it's dark.
Anyway, that was the 1959.
And back in our era, the number one song is--
♪ Tell me something, girl ♪
♪ Tell me something, girl ♪
♪ Are you happy in this modern world ♪
♪ Stagger Lee ripped you off ♪
♪ Is there something else you're searching for ♪
♪ Out for a little ♪
♪ In all the good times I find myself longing ♪
♪ For change ♪
♪ And in the bad times I fear myself ♪
♪ Tell me something, boy ♪
♪ Aren't you tired trying to fill that void ♪
That song might be approaching record plays on Time Crisis.
I mean, it's up there with Shape of You.
Yeah, we might be.
My gut tells me is that we've passed Shape of You.
Whoa, really?
It's a big song.
♪ In all the good times I find myself longing ♪
♪ For change ♪
♪ And in the bad times I fear myself ♪
♪ I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in ♪
♪ I'll never meet the ground ♪
♪ Crash through the surface where they can't hurt us ♪
♪ We're far from the shallow now ♪
♪ In the shallow, shallow ♪
♪ In the shallow, shallow ♪
♪ In the shallow, shallow ♪
♪ We're far from the shallow now ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in ♪
♪ I'll never meet the ground ♪
♪ Crash through the surface where they can't hurt us ♪
♪ We're far from the shallow now ♪
♪ In the shallow, shallow ♪
♪ In the shallow, shallow ♪
♪ In the shallow, shallow ♪
♪ We're far from the shallow now ♪
Going back to record of the year,
I would love for Cardi B to win.
I'd be okay with some of the other ones.
It's not the best Cardi B.
That's the only version,
that's the only problem I have with it.
It's not her top shelf material.
I mean, it's got its moments.
It's, oh, I hope she wins album of the year.
That's who I'm rooting for.
Record of the year.
I think, you know what?
I wanna see Bradley Cooper win Grammy.
Shallow it is.
I think that'd be cool.
Well, that's a Time Crisis Grammy special,
answering all your questions.
Everybody, enjoy the Grammys tonight.
And don't forget to tweet @TimeCrisis2000
if you're a part of the Wario's Woods fan community.
We'll see you in two weeks.
Peace.
Time Crisis with Ezra King.
Be-be-be-be-be-be-beast.
Wario.
One.
(music fades)
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